[Music] I hope you all are finding yourselves well on this Sunday it's been a bit of a week for me a week ago today last Sunday we decided Kayla and I that it was time to start cleaning Ray's house out and do something with it it's just been sitting there Ray will have been gone 8 months on September 9th and his house has just been sitting there and we decided we needed to do something we don't know when the right time is if there was ever going to be a right time and so we just decided that this was our time and we needed to do it so we could start healing and we weren't triggered by his house every time we went over there or triggered in a year from now we really want to start healing we want to keep putting one foot in front of the other and so it was time to do that I get asked a lot in the comment section why uh Kayla is driving his car or why um were making decisions about his house and why his wife wasn't and for those of you who are new to my channel I will tell you that Ry hadn't entered that season of his life he didn't have a chapter of his life where he was in a relationship had gotten married and had kids and I don't mind sharing with you also that because of who Ray was the big brother he was the amazing person that he was he left his house and his car to his 24-year-old sister because he really wanted to make sure that she was provided for and I love that that just speaks to the character of who he was and how much he loved his sister and so uh because Kayla wants to keep the house because Ray left it to her she's not in a financial place right now where she can take over the loan she is focusing on school as she should be focusing on her future and her career as a teacher and getting her master's degree and so there's not really a need for her to move out of my house and move into race house and so together we've kind of gone over the options and she has decided that she wants to rent the house out so she can keep the house and it can pay for itself and when she is ready to move into it then she will stop running it out and she will move into it and make that house her own and I think that that's what Ry would want for her and that is what he intended this week I spent the week every day day cleaning his house out and dispersing his belongings and I use the word dispersing because selling just seems so cold and uh it was hard it was really hard we couldn't keep everything and Kayla didn't want to keep all of his furniture it was too painful for her and she just felt like the house was enough for her and when when she is ready to move into the house she really wants to make it her home she doesn't want to move into what was once only raay home with all of his belongings and so yeah that's what I've been doing this week I'm nursing um more than a couple injuries I injured myself at his house I I did a bit too much more than I should have and was trying to just get it done and do it myself without asking for help and I hurt myself and now I'm going to have to take a little bit of time off and so it kind of put the the cleaning to a halt and thankfully I was almost completely done with the house I I am going to need surgery and uh and the recovery time is probably going to be more than a few weeks but you know what it is what it is and I'm going to get through it and it'll just give me an excuse to focus uh on diying and slow down a bit and I think that's what is needed is maybe this happened because I was supposed to slow down and just be here's a clip of Ray's house and I'll share with you some of the thoughts and feelings that I had as I walked through his house seeing what it looks like now feels empty going to work on this floor this week and get that done I never did get it done because the washer and dryer were here that the house came with and we just never moved it this was going to be the last spot that I did and ironically it is feels weird to walk in here and it's as empty as it was this was K's [Music] room this is where we lived for a few months when Ry missed home while he was battling cancer and we just kind of made each of these rooms our own so we had our own space I think the room that gets to me the most is Ray's room his furniture is gone the furniture he had in here was Furniture I bought him I want to say when he was maybe 19 years old and it really lasted I miss seeing him right here he had a computer desk here it's actually the computer desk that's in his game room now but it was up against this wall and if you can Envision it as I go in reverse we always came in the garage here and so walking in here we could always see Ray sitting here at his computer desk with his headphones on not even realizing that we had come in the house because he had his headset on and I'd come over here to the light switch and I'd flicker it on and off to get his attention and he would look over at us and he'd remove one ear set and he'd say hi to us and he'd put it back on and go back to his game I did this flooring so this will be the flooring that is in uh his laundry room as [Music] well yeah this room is hard to look at without his [Music] furniture everything that he works so hard for I feel like the life that was lived in this house has just been dispersed amongst people we're having trouble getting rid of the pool table not much of a market for a pool table he was so proud of this pool table I was so upset when he got it I just thought Ray why would you want a pool table in your house in the dining room of all places and he said well that's what it's four but Mom I promise you you're going to be proud of me because the pool table matches the decor of my house it's black and gray so it's not going to stand out and look horrible I promise you Mom it's going to look nice yep and now it just feels like it's one of the harder things to let go of his living room all the furniture he picked has just been dispersed amongst people so now pieces of Ray live on and households and as I emptied out his house and we sold his belongings I kept his pictures up and I felt it was important to let people know that these things belong to this beautiful human being here who is no more and I just asked that once in a blue moon that they would remember where it came from and that his name was [Music] Ry I asked the people that took his belongings if they would take a picture of them in their new home in their new place and send it to me so I I could see where it was and surprisingly people have been really good about doing [Music] that his good desk sold the other day that he never got a chance to play on this is the desk that was in his room and this was the chair we'd always see him in so this hasn't gone yet but maybe it's better that way maybe Ray isn't his energy and his Spirit hasn't left here yet and so he can come back here and he can play his game that's what I like to think about that's what I'm choosing to think about I love you Ray I miss you more than you could ever know so many amazing memories here in this house in the short time that you lived here this was actually one of the last flannels that Ry had wore with this hat it's what he was wearing in my favorite picture with his glasses this was another one of his favorite hats and so we've kept it here the whole time and I've said that it'll be the last thing to go this is what's left this is what's left for us to clear out that needs to go we used to have these amazing Nerf gun wars if you can believe it those two bins and that red one down there are all Nerf guns and Ray would turn out the lights in the house and he had a speaker and a strobe light and uh just 3 years ago we'd have these Nerf gun wars in the dark [Music] [Music] Kayla painted that for Ray he was a huge marble fan and uh he loved Captain America and Thor and so Kayla found this really cool picture of Captain America holding Thor's hammer because he was the only one that uh was worthy enough to hold the hammer besides Thor and so Kayla had painted that Fay after his surgery last year this time in dwarte when he had his stomach removed and he came home and was so surprised he loved it so much that he asked her if she would paint Hulk and Spider-Man and Iron Man on the walls too he wanted his whole garage fill with marble because we're going to rent this place out I'm going to put a white paper over it and tape it off and ask the people to please not paint over it someday Caleb will live here and she wants that mural to stay as is his shoes are still where he left [Music] them so yeah we've got a pool table don't know what I'm going to do with that I need to sell it it needs to go it it is a hard piece to let go of because of how much Ray loved it but there's not a huge market for people who want a pool table because when you purchase a pool table you have to pay for pool table movers and there is quite a bit involved in that and it's just a bit of an undertaking so I will put this out there if there is anybody that is interested in purchasing a pool table or you know somebody I am in California and I am in the analou valley and so if you're interested just comment down below I am reading the comments and uh we will figure out a way to chat more in depth about it if you're really interested but for now um yeah the last uh gaming table sold today and as for what's left in the garage I was hoping to have a yard sale but I'm not not thinking that's something I'm up to doing or capable of doing so it's just going to be donated and I will find peace with that and be happy with that and like I said in the video I did ask people that bought raise belongings to send me pictures of the place that it now calls home and that has made my heart just a bit lighter and feel just a bit less sad knowing and seeing where rise items are yeah so until next time everybody I hope you have a fantastic Sunday stay happy stay safe stay healthy but most of all you know what I'm going to say stay positive please because I sure as heck am bye for now everybody [Music]