Listen To: David Copperfield by Charles Dickens|Relaxing Nature Background.

Chapter 33 David Copperfield by Charles Dickens chapter 33 Blissful all this time I had gone on loving Dora harder than ever her idea was my refuge in disappointment and distress and made some amends to me even for the loss of my friend the more I pitted myself or pitted others the more I sought for consolation in the image of Dora the greater the accumulation of Deceit and trouble in the world the brighter and the purer shown the star of Dora high above the world I don't think I had any definite idea where Dora came from or in what degree she was related to a higher order of beings but I am quite sure I should have scouted the notion of her being simply human like any other young lady with indignation and contempt if I may so express it I was steeped in Dora I was not merely over head and ears in love with her but I was saturated through and through enough love might have been rung out of me metaphorically speaking to drown anybody in and yet there would have remained enough within me and all over me to pervade my entire existence the first thing I did on my own account when I came back was to take a night walk to Norwood and like the subject of a venerable riddle of my childhood to go round and round the house without ever touching the house thinking about Dora I believe the theme of this incomprehensible conundrum was the moon no matter what it was I the moon struck slave of Dora perambulated round and around the house and garden for 2 hours looking through crevices in the p feelings getting my chin by Dent of violent exertion above the Rusty Nails on the top blowing kisses at the lights in the windows and romantically calling on the night at intervals to Shield my Dora I don't exactly know what from I suppose from fire perhaps from mice to which she had a great objection my love was so much in my mind and it was so natural to me to confide in peggoty when I found her again by my side of an evening with the old set of industrial implements busily making the tour of my wardrobe that I imparted to her in a sufficiently roundabout way my great secret pegate was strongly interested but I could not get her into my view of the case at all she was audaciously prejudiced in my favor and quite unable to understand why I should have any misgivings or be low-spirited about it the young lady might think herself well off she observed to have such a bow and as to her PA she said what did the gentleman expect for gracious sake I observed however that Mr spenlow's proctorial gown and stiff creat took down a little and inspired her with a greater reverence for the man who was gradually becoming more and more etherealized in my eyes every day and about whom a reflected Radiance seemed to me to beam when he sat erect in court among his papers like a little lighthouse in a sea of stationery and by the by it used to be uncommonly strange to me to consider I remember as I sat in court too how those dim old judges and doctors wouldn't have cared for Dora if they had known her how they wouldn't have gone out of their senses with Rapture if marriage with Dora had been proposed to them how Dora might have sung and played upon that glorified guitar until she led me to the verge of Madness yet not have tempted one of those slow goers an inch out of his road I despised them to a man frozen out old gardeners in the flower beds of the heart I took a personal offense against them all the bench was nothing to me but an insensible blunderer the bar had no more tenderness or poetry in it than the bar of a public house taking the management of Peg's Affairs into my own hands with no little pride I proved the will and came to a settlement with the Legacy duty office and took her to the bank and soon got everything into an orderly train we varied The Legal character of these proceedings by going to see some perspiring wax work in Fleet Street melted I should hope these 20 years and by visiting Miss Lynwood's exhibition which I remember as a mosum of needle work favorable to self-examination and repentance and by inspecting the Tower of London and going to the top of St Paul's all these wonders afforded pegy as much pleasure as she was able to Joy under existing circumstances except I think St Paul's which from her long attachment to her work box became a rival of the picture on the lid and was in some particulars vanquished she considered by that work of art Peg's business which was what we used to call common form business in the Commons and very light and lucrative the common form business was being settled I took her down to the office one morning to pay her bill Mr speno had stepped out old Tiffy said to get a gentleman sworn for a marriage license but as I I knew he would be back directly our place lying close to the Saget and to the Vicor General's office too I told pegot to wait we were a little like undertakers in the Commons as regarded probate transactions generally making it a rule to look more or less cut up when we had to deal with clients in morning in a similar feeling of delicacy we were always blthe and light-hearted with the licensed clients therefore I hinted to peggoty that she would find Mr spenlow much recovered from the shock of Mr bis's decease and indeed he came in like a bridegroom but neither pegy nor I had eyes for him when we saw in company with him Mr mdstone he was very little changed his hair looked as thick and was certainly as black as ever and his glance was as little to be trusted as of old ah Copperfield said Mr spenlow you know this gentleman I believe I made my Gentleman a distant bow and pegate barely recognized him he was at first somewhat disconcerted to meet us two together but quickly decided what to do and came up to me I hope he said that you are doing well it can hardly be interesting to you said I yes if you wish to know we looked at each other and he addressed himself to pegy and you said he I am sorry to observe that you have lost your husband it's not the first loss I have had in my life Mr mdstone replied peggoty trembling from head to foot I am glad to hope that there is nobody to blame for this one nobody to answer for it ha said he that's a comfortable reflection you have done your duty I have not worn anybody's life away said pegy I am thankful to think no Mr mdstone I have not wored and frightened any sweet creature to an early grave he eyed her gloomily remorsefully I thought for an instant and said turning his head towards me but look looking at my feet instead of my face we are not likely to encounter soon again a source of satisfaction to us both no doubt for such meetings as this can never be agreeable I do not expect that you who always rebelled against my just Authority exerted for your benefit and Reformation should owe me any good will now there is an antipathy between us an old one I believe said I interrupting him he smiled and shot as evil a glance at me as could come from his dark eyes it rankled in your baby breast he said it embittered the life of your poor mother you are right I hope you may do better yet I hope you may correct yourself here he ended the dialogue which had been carried on in a low voice in a corner of the outer office by passing into Mr spenlow's room and saying aloud in his smoothest manner gentlemen of Mr spenlow's profession are accustomed to family differences and know how complicated and difficult they always are with that he paid the money for his license and receiving it neatly folded from Mr spenlow together with a shake of the hand and a polite wish for his happiness and the ladies went out of the office I might have had more difficulty in constraining myself to be silent under his words if I had had less difficulty in impressing upon pegy who was only angry on my account good creature that we were not in a place for recrimination and that I besought her to hold her peace she was so unusually roused that I was was glad to compound for an affectionate hug elicited by this revival in her mind of our old injuries and to make the best I could of it before Mr spenlow and the clerks Mr speno did not appear to know what the connection between Mr mdstone and myself was which I was glad of for I could not bear to acknowledge Him even in my own breast remembering what I did of the history of my poor mother Mr spenlow seemed to think if he thought anything about the matter that my aunt was the leader of the state party in our family and that there was a rebel party commanded by somebody else so I gathered at least from what he said while we were waiting for Mr Tiffy to make out Peg's bill of costs Miss Trotwood he remarked is very firm no doubt and not likely to give way to opposition I have an admiration for her character and I may congratulate you Copperfield on being on the right side differences between relations are much to be deplored but they are extremely General and the great thing is to be on the right side meaning I take it on the side of the moneyed interest rather a good marriage this I believe said Mr spenlow I explained that I knew nothing about it indeed he said speaking from the few words Mr mdstone dropped as a man frequently does on these occasions and from what Miss mdstone let fall I should say it was rather a good marriage do you mean that there is money sir I asked yes said Mr spenlow I understand there's money Beauty too I am told indeed is his new wife young just of age said Mr spenlow So lately that I should think they had been waiting for that Lord deliver her said peggoty so very emphatically and unexpectedly that we were all three discomposed until Tiffy came in with the bill old Tiffy soon appeared however and handed it to Mr spenlow to look over Mr speno settling his chin in his creat and rubbing it softly went over the item with a deprecatory air as if it were all jawans is doing and handed it back to Tiffy with a bland sigh yes he said that's right quite right I should have been extremely happy Copperfield to have limited these charges to the actual expenditure out of pocket but it is an irksome incident in my professional life that I am not at Liberty to consult my own wishes I have a partner Mr jkin as he said this with a gentle Melancholy which was the next thing to making no charge at all I expressed my acknowledgements on Peg's behalf and paid Tiffy in banknotes pegot then retired to her lodging and Mr speno and I went into court where we had a divorce suit coming on under an ingenious little statute repealed now I believe but in virtue of which I have seen several marriages annulled of which the merits were these the husband whose name was Thomas Benjamin had taken out his marriage license as Thomas only suppressing the Benjamin in case he should not find himself as comfortable as he expected not finding himself as comfortable as he expected or being a little fatigued with his wife poor fellow he now came forward by a friend after being married a year or two and declared that his name was Thomas Benjamin and therefore he was not married at all which the court confirmed to his great satisfaction I must say that I had my doubts about the strict justice of this and was not even frightened out of them by the bushel of wheat which reconciles all anomalies but Mr spenlow argued the matter with me he said look at the world there was good and evil in that look at the ecclesiastical law there was good and evil in that it was all part of a system very good there you were I had not the hardihood to suggest adora's father that possibly we might even improve the world a little if we got up early in the morning and took off our coats to the work but I confessed that I thought we might improve the commons Mr spenlow replied that he would particularly advise me to dismiss that idea from my mind as not being worthy of my gentlemanly character but that he would be be glad to hear from me of what Improvement I thought the commons susceptible taking that part of the commons which happened to be nearest to us for our man was unmarried by this time and we were out of court and strolling past the prerogative office I submitted that I thought the prerogative office rather a queerly managed institution Mr spenlow inquired in what respect I replied with all due deference to his experience but with more deference I am afraid to his being Dora's father that perhaps it was a little nonsensical that the registry of that Court could containing the original Wills of all persons leaving effects within the immense province of Canterbury for three whole centuries should be an accidental building never designed for the purpose leased by the registar for their own private emolient unsafe not even ascertained to be fireproof choked with the important documents it held and positively from the roof to the basement a mercenary speculation of the registrars who took great fees from the public and cramm the Public's Wills away anyhow and anywhere having no other object than to get rid of them cheap that perhaps it was a little unreasonable that these registar in receipt of profits amounting to 8 or 9,000 a year to say nothing of the profits of the Deputy registrars and Clerks of seats should not be obliged to spend a little of that money in finding a reasonably safe place for the important documents which all classes of people were compelled to hand over to them whether they would or no that perhaps it was a little unjust that all the great offices in this great office should be magnificent sinur while the unfortunate working clerks in the cold dark room upstairs were the worst rewarded and the least considered men doing important services in London that perhaps it was a little indecent that the principal registar of all whose Duty it was to find the public constantly resorting to this place all needful accommodation should be an enormous curist in virtue of that post and might be besides a clergyman a pluralist the holder of a staff in a cathedral and what not while the public was put to the inconvenience of which we had a specimen every afternoon when the office was busy and which we knew to be quite monstrous that perhaps in short this prerogative Office of the dicese of Canterbury was altogether such a pestilent job and such a pernicious absurdity that but for its being squeezed away in a corner of St Paul's churchyard which few people knew it must have been turned completely inside out and upside down long ago Mr spenlow smiled as I became modestly warm on the subject and then argued this question with me as he had argued the other he said what was it after all it was a question of feeling if the public felt that their Wills were in safekeeping and took it for granted that the office was not to be made better who was the worst for it nobody who was the better for it all the sin aurists very well then the good predominated it might not be a perfect system nothing was perfect but what he objected to was the insertion of the wedge under the prerogative office the country had been glorious insert the wedge into the prerogative office office and the country would cease to be glorious he considered it the principle of a gentleman to take things as he found them and he had no doubt the prerogative office would last our time I deferred to his opinion though I had great doubts of it myself I find he was right however for it has not only lasted to the present moment but has done so in the teeth of a great parliamentary report made not too willingly 18 years ago when all these objections of mine were set forth in detail and when the existing stoage for Wills is described as equal to the accumulation of only 2 years and a half more what they have done with them since whether they have lost many or whether they sell any now and then to the butter shops I don't know I am glad mine is not there and I hope it may not go there yet a while I have set all this down in my present Blissful chapter because here it comes into its natural place Mr spenlow and I falling into this conversation prolonged it and our saunter to and fro until we diverged into General topics and so it came about in the end that Mr speno told me this day week was Dora's birthday and he would be glad if I would come down and join a little picnic on the occasion I went out of my senses immediately became a mere drier next day on receipt of a little lace edged sheet of Note Paper favored by POA to remind and passed the intervening period in a state of dotage I think I committed every possible absurdity in the way of preparation for this blessed event I turn hot when I remember the creat I bought my boots might be placed in any collection of instruments of torture I provided and sent down by the Norwood coach the night before a delicate little hamper amounting in itself I thought almost to a declaration there were crackers in it with the tenderest motos that could be got for money at 6:00 in the morning I was in Covent Garden Market buying a bouquet for Dora at 10: I was on Horseback I hired a gallant gray for the occasion with a B K in my hat to keep it freshh trotting down to Norwood I supposed that when I saw Dora in the garden and pretended not to see her and rode past the house pretending to be anxiously looking for it I committed two small fooleries which other young house pretending to be anxiously looking for it I committed two small fooleries which other young gentlemen in my circumstances might have committed because they came so very natural to me but oh when I did find the house and did Dismount at the Garden Gate and drag those stony-hearted boots across the lawn to Dora sitting on a garden seat under lilac tree what a spectacle she was upon that beautiful morning among the butterflies in a white chip Bonnet and a dress of celestial blue there was a young lady with her comparatively stricken in years almost 20 I should say her name was Miss Mills and Dora called her Julia she was the bosom friend of Dora Happy Miss Mills jip was there and jip would bark at me again when I presented my bouquet he nashed his teeth with jealousy well he might if he had the least idea how I adored his mistress well he might oh thank you Mr Copperfield what dear flowers said Dora I had had an intention of saying and had been studying the best form of words for three miles that I thought them beautiful before I saw them so near her but I couldn't manage it she was too bewildering to see her lay the flowers against her little dimpled chin was to lose all presence of mind and Power language in a feeble ecstasy I wonder I didn't say kill me if you have a heart Miss Mills let me die here then Dora held my flowers to jip to smell then jip growled and wouldn't smell them then Dora laughed and held them a little closer to jip to make him then jip laid hold of a bit of geranium with his teeth and worried imaginary cats in it then Dora beat him and pouted and said my poor beautiful flowers as passionately I thought as if jip had laid hold of me I wished he had you'll be so glad to hear Mr Copperfield said Dora that that cross Miss mdstone is not here she has gone to her brother's marriage and will be away at least 3 weeks isn't that delightful I said I was sure it must be delightful to her and all that was delightful to her was delightful to me Miss Mills with an air of superior wisdom and benevolence smiled upon us she is is the most disagreeable thing I ever saw said Dora you can't believe how ill-tempered and shocking she is Julia yes I can my dear said Julia you can Perhaps Love returned Dora with her hand on Julia's forgive my not accepting you my dear at first I learned from this that Miss Mills had had her trials in the course of a checked existence and that to these perhaps I might refer that wise benignity of manner which I had already knowed noticed I found in the course of the day that this was the case Miss Mills having been unhappy in a misplaced affection and being understood to have retired from the world on her awful stock of experience but still to take a calm interest in the unlighted hopes and loves of Youth but now Mr spenlow came out of the house and Dora went to him saying Look Papa what beautiful flowers and Miss Mills smiled thoughtfully as who should say ye mayflies enjoy your brief existence in the bright morning of life and we all walked from the lawn towards the carriage which was getting ready I shall never have such a ride again I have never had such another there were only those three their hamper my hamper and the guitar case in the ftin and of course the fettin was open and I rode behind it and Dora sat with her back to the horses looking towards me she kept the bouquet close to her on the cushion and wouldn't allow jip to sit on that side of her at all for fear he should crush it she often carried it in her hand often refreshed herself with its fragrance our eyes at those times often met and my great astonishment is that I didn't go over the head of my Gallant gray into the carriage there was dust I believe there was a good deal of dust I believe I have a faint impression that Mr speno remonstrated with me for riding in it but I knew of none I was sensible of a mist of love and beauty about Dora but of nothing else he stood up sometimes and asked me what I thought of the prospect I said it was delightful and I dare say it was but it was all Dora to me the sun shown Dora and the Birds Sang Dora the south wind blew Dora and the wild flowers in the hedges were all Doris to AB Bud my comfort is Miss Mills understood me Miss Mills alone could enter into my feelings thoroughly I don't know how long we were going and to this hour I know as little where we went perhaps it was near Guilford perhaps some Arabian Night magician opened up the place for the day and shut it up forever when we came away it was a green spot on a hill carpeted with soft Turf there were Shady trees and Heather and as far as the eye could see a rich landscape it was a trying thing to find people here waiting for us and my jealousy even of the ladies knew no bounds but all of my own sex especially one impostor 3 or four years my Elder with a red whisker on which he established an amount of presumption not to be endured were my mortal foes we all unpacked our baskets and employed ourselves in getting dinner ready red whisker pretended he could make a salad which I don't believe and obtruded himself on public notice some of the young ladies washed the lettuces for him and sliced them under his directions Dora was among these I felt that fate had pitted me against this man and one of us Must Fall red whisker made his salad I wondered how they could eat it nothing should have induced me to touch it and voted himself into the charge of The Wine Cellar which he constructed being an ingenious beast in the hollow trunk of a tree by and by I saw him with the majority of a lobster on his plate eating his dinner at the feet of Dora I have but an indistinct idea of what happened for some time after this baleful object presented itself to my view I was very merry I know but it was Hollow mert I attached myself to a young creature in pink with little eyes and flirted with her desperately she received my attentions with favor but whether on my account solely or because she had any designs on red whisker I can't say Dora's Health was drunk when I drank it I affected to interrupt my conversation for that purpose and to resume it immediately afterwards I caught Dora's eye as I bowed to her and I thought it looked appealing but it looked at me over the head of red whisker and I was was adamant the young creature in pink had a mother in green and I rather think the latter separated us from motives of policy how be it there was a general breaking up of the party while the remnants of the dinner were being put away and I strolled off by myself among the trees in a raging and remorseful State I was debating whether I should pretend that I was not well and fly I don't know where upon my Gallant gray when Dora and Miss Mills met me Mr Copperfield said Miss Mills you are D I begged her pardon not at all and Dora said Miss Mills you are dull oh dear no not in the least Mr Copperfield and Dora said Miss Mills with an almost venerable air enough of this do not allow a trivial misunderstanding to wither the blossoms of spring which once put forth and blighted cannot be renewed I speak said Miss Mills from experience of the past the remote irrevocable past the gushing fountains which Sparkle in the sun must not be stopped in mere Caprice The Oasis in the desert of Sahara must not be plucked up idly I hardly knew what I did I was burning all over to that extraordinary extent but I took Dora's little hand and kissed it and she let me I kissed miss ms's hand and we all seemed to my thinking to go straight up to the seventh heaven we did not come down again we stayed up there all the evening at first we strayed to and fro among the trees I with Dora's shy arm drawn through mine and Heaven Knows Folly as it all was it would have been a happy fate to have been struck Immortal with those foolish feelings and have stayed among the trees forever but much too soon we heard the others laughing and talking and calling Where's Dora so we went back and they wanted Dora to sing red whisker would have got the guitar case out of the carriage but Dora told him nobody knew where it was but I so red whisker was done for in a moment and got it and I unlocked it and I took the guitar out and I sat by her and I held her handkerchief and gloves and I drank in every note of her dear voice and she sang to me who loved her and all the others might applaud as much as they liked but they had nothing to do with it I was intoxicated with joy I was afraid it was too happy to be real and that I should wake in Buckingham Street presently and hear Mrs kup clinking the teacups in getting breakfast ready but Dora sang and others sang and Miss Mills sang About The slumbering Echoes in the caverns of memory as if she were 100 years old and the evening came on and we had tea with a kettle boiling Gypsy Fashion and I was still as happy as ever I was happier than ever when the party broke up and the other people defeated red whisker and all went their several ways and we went hours through the still evening and the Dying Light with sweet scents rising up around us Mr spenlow being a little drowsy after the champagne honor to the soil that grew the grape to the grape that made the wine to the Sun that ripened it and to the merchant who adulterated it and being fast asleep in a corner of the carriage I rode by the side and talked to Dora she admired my horse and patted him oh what a dear little hand it looked Upon A Horse and her Shaw would not keep right and now and then I drew it round her with my arm and I even fancied that jip began to see how it was and to understand that he must make up his mind to be friends with me that scious Miss Mills too that amiable though quite used up recluse that little patriarch of something less than 20 who had done with the world and mustn't on any account have the slumbering echoes in the caverns of memory awakened what a kind thing she did Mr Copperfield said Miss Mills come to this side of the carriage a moment if you can spare a moment I want to speak to you behold me on my Gallant gray bending at the side of Miss Mills with my hand upon the carriage door Dora is coming to stay with me she is coming home with me the day after tomorrow if you would like to call I am sure Papa would be happy to see you what could I do but invoke a silent blessing on Miss mills's head and store Miss mills's address in the securest corner of my memory what could I do but tell Miss Mills with grateful looks and fervent words how much I appreciated her good offices and what an inestimable value I set upon her friendship then miss Mills benignantly dismissed me saying go back to Dora and I went and Dora leaned out of the carriage to talk to me and we talked all the rest of the way and I rode my Gallant gray so close to the wheel that I grazed his near four leg against it and took the bark off as his owner told me to the tune of three pen which I paid and thought extremely cheap for so much joy what time Miss Mill sat looking at the moon murmuring verses and recalling I suppose the ancient days when she and Earth had anything in common Norwood was many miles too near and we reached it many hours too soon but Mr speno came to himself a little short of it and said you must come in Copperfield and rest and I consenting we had sandwiches and wine and water in the Lightroom door blushing looked so lovely that I could not tear myself away but sat there staring in a dream until the snoring of Mr spenlow inspired me with sufficient Consciousness to take my leave so we parted I riding all the way to London with a farewell Touch of Dora's hand still light on mine recalling every incident and word 10,000 times lying down in my own bed at last as en raptured a young noodle as ever was carried out of his five wits by love when I awoke next morning I was Resolute to declare my passion to Dora and know my fate happiness or misery was now the question there was no other question that I knew of in the world and only Dora could give the answer to it I passed 3 days in a luxury of wretchedness torturing Myself by putting every conceivable variety of discouraging construction on all that ever had taken place between Dora and me at last arrayed for the purpose at a vast expense I went to miss msers fraught with a declaration how many times I went up and down the street and round the square painfully aware of being a much better answer to the old riddle than the original one before I could persuade myself to go up the steps and knock is no matter now even when At Last I had knocked and was waiting at the door I had some flurried thought of asking if that were Mr blackboys in Imitation of poor biss begging pardon and retreating but I kept my ground Mr Mills was not at home I did not expect he would be nobody wanted him Miss Mills was at home Miss Mills would do I was shown into a room upstairs where Miss Mills and Dora were jip was there miss Mills was copying music I recollect it was a new song called affections durge and Dora was painting flowers what were my feelings when I recognized my own flowers The Identical Covent Garden Market purchase I cannot say that they were very like or that they particularly resembled any flowers that have ever come under my observation but I knew from the paper round them which was accurately copied what the composition was Miss Mills was very glad to see me and very sorry her papa was not at home though I thought we all bore that with fortitude Miss Mills was conversational for a few minutes and then laying down her pen upon affections durge got up and left the room I began to think I would put it off till tomorrow I hope your poor horse was not tired when he got home at night said Dora lifting up her beautiful eyes it was a long way for him I began to think I would do it today it was a long way for him said I for he had nothing to uphold him on the journey wasn't he fed poor thing asked Dora I began to think I would put it off till tomorrow yes I said he was well taken care of I mean he had not the unutterable happiness that I had in being so near you Dora bent her head over her drawing and said after a little while I had sat in the interval in a burning fever and with my leg eggs in a very rigid State you didn't seem to be sensible of that happiness yourself at one time of the day I saw now that I was in for it and it must be done on the spot you didn't care for that happiness in the least said Dora slightly raising her eyebrows and shaking her head when you were sitting by Miss kit kit I should observe was the name of the creature in pink with the little eyes though certainly I don't know why you should said Dora or why you should call it a happiness at all but of course you don't mean what you say and I'm sure no one doubts you're being at Liberty to do whatever You Like jip You Naughty Boy come here I don't know how I did it I did it in a moment I intercepted jip I had Dora in my arms I was full of eloquence I never stopped for a word I told her how I loved her I told her I should die without her I told her that I idolized and worshiped her jip barked madly all the time when Dora hung her head and cried and trembled my eloquence increased so much the more if she would like me to die for her she had but to say the word and I was ready life without Dora's love was not a thing to have on any terms I couldn't bear it and I wouldn't I had loved her every minute day and night since I first saw her I loved her at that minute to distraction I should always always love her every minute to distraction lovers had loved before and lovers would love again but no lover had loved might could would or should ever love as I loved Dora the more I raved the more jip barked each of us in his own way got more mad every moment well well Dora and I were sitting on the sofa by and by quiet enough and jip was lying in her lap winking peacefully at me it was off my mind I was in a state of perfect Rapture Dora and I were engaged I suppose we had some notion that this was to end in marriage we must have had some because Dora stipulated that we were never to be married without her Papa's consent but in our youthful ecstasy I don't think that we really looked before us or behind us or had any aspiration beyond the ignorant present we were to keep our secret from Mr speno but I am sure the idea never entered my head then that there was anything dishonorable in that Miss Mills was more than usually pensive when Dora going to find her brought her back I apprehend because there was a tendency in what had passed to awaken the slumbering echoes in the caverns of memory but she gave us her blessing and the Assurance of her lasting friendship and spoke to us generally as became a voice from the Closter what an idle time it was what an insubstantial happy foolish time it was when I measured Dora's finger for a ring that was to be made of forget NS and when the jeweler to whom I took the measure found me out and laughed over his order book and charged me anything he liked for the pretty little toy with its blue stones so associated in my remembrance with Dora's hand that yesterday when I saw such another by chance on the finger of my own daughter there was a momentary stirring in my heart like pain when I walked about exalted with my secret and full of my own interest and felt the Dignity of loving Dora and of being beloved so much that if I had walked the air I could not have been more above the people not so situated who were creeping on the earth when we had those meetings in the garden of the square and sat within the dingy summerh house so happy that I love the London sparrows to this hour for nothing else and see the plumage of the tropics in their Smoky feathers when we had our first great quarrel within a week of our betrothal and when Dora sent me back the ring enclosed in a despairing cocked hat note wherein she used the terrible expression that our love had begun in Folly and ended in Madness which Dreadful words occasioned me to tear my hair and cry that all was over when under cover of the night I flew to miss Mills whom I saw by stealth in a back kitchen where there was a mangle and implored Miss Mills to interpose between us and avert Insanity When Miss Mills undertook the office and returned with Dora exhorting us from the pulpit of her own bitter youth to Mutual concession and the avoidance of the desert of Sahara when we cried and made it up and was so blessed again that the back kitchen mangle and all changed to Love's own Temple where we arranged a plan of correspondence through Miss Mills always to comprehend at least one letter on each side every day what an idle time what an insubstantial happy foolish time of all the times of mine that time has in his grip there is none that in one retrospect I can smile at half so much and think of half so tenderly chapter 34 my aunt astonishes me I wrote to Agnes as soon as Dora and Chapter 34 I were engaged I wrote her a long letter in which I tried to make her comprehend how blessed I was and what a darling Dora was I intreated Agnes not to regard this as a thoughtless passion which could ever yield to any other or had the least resemblance to the boyish fancies that we used to joke about I assured her that its profundity was quite unfathomable and expressed my belief that nothing like it had ever been known somehow as I wrote to Agnes on a fine evening by my open window and the remembrance of her clear calm eyes and gentle face came stealing over me it shed such a peaceful influence upon the hurry and agitation in which I had been living lately and of which my very happiness book in some degree that it soothed me into tears I remember that I sat resting my head upon my hand when the letter was half done cherishing a general fancy as if Agnes were one of the elements of my natural home as if in the retirement of the house made almost sacred to me by her presence Dora and I must be happier than anywhere as if in love joy sorrow hope or disappointment in all emotions my heart turned naturally there and found its refuge and best friend of steerforth I said nothing I only told her there had been sad grief at Yarmouth on account of Emily's flight and that on me it made a double wound by reason of the circumstances attending it I knew how quick she always was to Divine the truth and that she would never be the first to breathe his name to this letter I received an answer by return of post as I read it I seemed to hear Agnes speaking to me it was like her cordial voice in my ears what can I say more while I had been away from home lately trattles had called twice or Thrice finding pegot within and being informed by pegot who always volunteered that information to whomsoever would receive it that she was my old nurse he had established a good humored acquaintance with her and had stayed to have a little chat with her about me so peggoty said but I am afraid the chat was all on her own side and of immoderate length as she was very difficult indeed to stop God bless her when she had me for her theme this reminds me not only that I expected trattles on a certain afternoon of his own appointing which was now come but that Mrs kup had resigned everything appertaining to her office the salary accepted until peggoty should ceased to present herself Mrs kup after holding divers conversations respecting pegy in a very high-pitched voice on the staircase with some invisible familiar it would appear for corporally speaking she was quite alone at those times addressed letter to me developing her views beginning it with that statement of Universal application which fitted every occurrence of her life namely that she was a mother herself she went on to inform me that she had once seen very different days but that at all periods of her existence she had had a constitutional objection to spies Intruders and informers she named no names she said let them the cap fitted wear it but spies Intruders and informers especially in widows weeds this Clause was underlined she had ever accustomed herself to looked down upon if a gentleman was the victim of spies Intruders and informers but still naming no names that was his own pleasure he had a right to please himself so let him do all that she Mrs kup stipulated for was that she should not be brought in contract with such persons therefore she begged to be excused from any further attendance on the top set until things were as they formerly was and as they could be wished to be and further mentioned that her little book would be found upon the breakfast table every Saturday morning when she requested an immediate settlement of the same with a benevolent view of saving trouble and an illc convenience to all parties after this Mrs kup confined herself to making pitfalls on the stairs principally with pitches and endeavoring to delude pegy into breaking her legs I found it rather harassing to live in this state of Siege but was too much afraid of Mrs kup to see any way out of it my dear Copperfield cried traddles punctually appearing at my door in spite of all these obstacles how do you do my dear traddles said I I am delighted to see you at last and very sorry I have not been at home before but I have been so much engaged yes yes I know said trattles of course yours lives in London I think what did you say she Excuse Me Miss D you know said trattles coloring in his great delicacy lives in London I believe oh yes near London mine perhaps you recollect said trattles with a serious look lives down in devenshire one of 10 consequently I am not so much engaged as you in that sense I wonder you can bear I returned to see her so seldom H said traddles thoughtfully it does seem a wonder I suppose it is Copperfield because there is no help for it I suppose so I replied with a smile and not without a blush and because you have so much constancy and patience trattles dear me said trattles considering about it do I strike you in that way Copperfield really I didn't know that I had but she is such an extraordinarily dear girl herself that it's possible she may have imparted something of those virtues to me now you mention it Copperfield I shouldn't Wonder at all I assure you she is always forgetting herself and taking care of the other nine is she the eldest I inquired oh dear no said trattles the eldest is a beauty he saw I suppose that I could not help smiling at the Simplicity of this reply and added with a smile upon his own ingenuous face not of course but that my Sophie pretty name Copperfield I always think very pretty said I not of course but that Sophie is beautiful too in my eyes and would be one of the dearest girls that ever was in anybody's eyes I should think but when I say the eldest is a beauty I mean she really is a he seemed to be describing clouds about himself with both hands Splendid you know said trattles energetically indeed said I oh I assure you said traddles something very uncommon indeed then you know being formed for society and admiration and not being able to enjoy much of it in consequence of their limited means she naturally gets a little irritable and ex acting sometimes Sophie puts her in Good Humor is Sophie the youngest I hazarded oh dear no said traddles stroking his chin the two youngest are only nine and 10 Sophie educates M the second daughter perhaps I hazarded no said traddles Sarah's the second Sarah has something the matter with her spine poor girl the malady will wear out by and by the doctors say but in the meantime she has to lie down for a 12- Monon Sophie nurses her Sophie's the fourth is the mother living I inquired oh yes said traddles she is alive she is a very Superior woman indeed but the damp country is not adapted to her Constitution and in fact she has lost the use of her limbs dear me said I very sad is it not returned TR B Les but in a merely domestic view it is not so bad as it might be because Sophie takes her place she is quite as much a mother to her mother as she is to the other nine I felt the greatest admiration for the virtues of this young lady and honestly with a view of doing my best to prevent the good nature of trattles from being imposed upon to the detriment of their joint prospects in life inquired how Mr macauba was he is quite well Copperfield thank you said trattles I am not living with him at present no no you see the truth is said trattles in a whisper he had changed his name to Mortimer in consequence of his temporary embarrassments and he don't come out till after dark and then in spectacles there was an execution put into our house for rent Mrs macauba was in such a dreadful state that I really couldn't resist giving my name to that second Bill we spoke of here you may imagine how delightful it was to my feelings Copperfield to see the matter settled with it and Mrs maber recover her spirits hum said I not that her happiness was of long duration pursued trattles for unfortunately within a week another execution came in it broke up the establishment I have been living in a furnished apartment since then and the mortimers have been very private indeed I hope you won't think it selfish Copperfield if I mention that the broker carried off my little round table with a marble top and Sophie's flower pot and stand what a hard thing I exclaimed indignantly it was a it was a pull said trattles with his usual winse at that expression I don't mention it reproachfully however but with a motive the fact is Copperfield I was unable to repurchase them at the time of their seizure in the first place because the broker having an idea that I wanted them ran the price up to an extravagant extent and in the second place because I hadn't any money now I have kept my eye since upon the broker's shop said trattles with a great enjoyment of his mystery which is up at the top of Tottenham Court Road and at last today I find them put out for sale I have only noticed them from Over the way because if the broker saw me bless you he'd ask any price for them what has occurred to me having now the money is that perhaps you wouldn't object to ask that good nurse of yours to come with me to the shop I can show it her from around the corner of the next street and make the best bargain for them as if they were for herself that she can the Delight with which trattles pounded this plan to me and the sense he had of its uncommon artfulness are among the freshest things in my remembrance I told him that my old nurse would be delighted to assist him and that we would all three take the field together but on one condition that condition was that he should make a solemn resolution to Grant no more loans of his name or anything else to Mr macauba my dear Copperfield said trattles I have already done so because I begin to feel that I have not only been inconsiderate but that I have been POS positively unjust to Sophie my word being passed to myself there is no longer any apprehension but I pledge it to you too with a greatest Readiness that first unlucky obligation I have paid I have no doubt Mr macauba would have paid it if he could but he could not one thing I ought to mention which I like very much in Mr macauba Copperfield it refers to the second obligation which is not yet due he don't tell me that it is provided for but he says it will be now I think there is something very fair and honest about that I was unwilling to damp my good friend's confidence and therefore ascented after a little further conversation we went round to the Chandler shop to enlist peggoty trattles declining to pass the evening with me both because he endured the liveliest apprehensions that his property would be bought by somebody else before he could repurchase it and because it was the evening he always devoted to writing to the dearest girl in the world I never shall for get him peeping around the corner of the street in Tottenham Court Road while peggoty was bargaining for the precious articles or his agitation when she came slowly towards us after vainly offering a price and was hailed by the relenting broker and went back again the end of the negotiation was that she bought the property on tolerably easy terms and trattles was transported with pleasure I am very much obliged to you indeed said trattles on hearing it was to be sent to where he lived that night if I might ask one other favor I hope you would not think it absurd Copperfield I said beforehand certainly not then if you would be good enough said trattles to peggoty to get the flower pot now I think I should like it being Sophie's copper field to carry it home myself pegy was glad to get it for him and he overwhelmed her with thanks and went his way up Tottenham Court Road carrying the flower pot affectionately in his arms with one of the most delighted expressions of countenance I ever saw we then turned back towards my chamber numers as the shops had charms for pegy which I never knew them possess in the same degree for anybody else I sauntered easily along amused by her staring in at the windows and waiting for her as often as she chose we were thus a good while in getting to the adelfi on our way upstairs I called her attention to the sudden disappearance of Mrs crups pitfalls and also to the prince of recent footsteps we were both very much surprised coming higher up to find my outer door standing open which I had shut and to hear voices inside we looked at one another without knowing what to make of this and went into the sitting room what was my amazement to find of all people upon Earth my aunt there and Mr Dick my aunt sitting on a quantity of luggage with her two birds before her and her cat on her knee like a female Robinson cruso drinking tea Mr Dick leaning thoughtfully on a great kite such as we had often been out together to fly with more luggage piled about him my dear an cried I why what an unexpected pleasure we cordially embraced and Mr Dick and I cordially shook hands and Mrs kup who was busy making tea and could not be too attentive cordially said she had knowed well as Mr copper would have his heart in his mouth when he see his dear relations hollower said my aunt to pegate who quailed before her awful presence how are you you remember my aunt pegy said I for the love of goodness child exclaimed my aunt don't call the woman by that South Sea Island name if she married and got rid of it which was the best thing she could do why don't you give her the benefit of the change what's your name now P said my aunt as a compromise for the obnoxious appalation but kiss ma'am said pegate with a curtsy well that's human said my aunt it sounds less as if you wanted a missionary how' you do biss I hope you're well encouraged by these gracious words and by my aunt's extending her hand biss came forward and took the hand and curtsied her acknowledgements we are older than we were I see said my aunt we have only met each other once before you know a nice business we made of it then Trot my dear another cup I handed it dutifully to my aunt who was in her usual inflexible state of figure and ventured a remonstrance with her on the subject of her sitting on a bar let me draw the sofa here or the easy chair aunt said I why should you be so uncomfortable thank you Trot replied my aunt I prefer to sit upon my property here my aunt looked hard at Mrs kup and observed we needn't trouble you to wait ma'am shall I put a little more tea in the pot before I go ma'am said Mrs krup no I thank you ma'am replied my aunt would you let me fetch another Pat of butter ma'am said Mrs TR or would you be persuaded to try a new laid heg or should I BR a rasher ain't there nothing I could do for your dear Aunt Mr copper nothing ma'am returned my aunt I shall do very well I thank you Mrs crup who had been incessantly smiling to express sweet temper and incessantly holding her head on one side to express a general feebleness of Constitution and incessantly rubbing her hands to express a desire to be of service to all deserving objects gradually smiled herself one-sided herself and rubbed herself out of the room dick said my aunt you know what I told you about time servers and wealth worshippers Mr dick with rather a scared look as if he had forgotten it returned a hasty answer in the affirmative Mrs crup is one of them said my aunt but kiss I'll trouble you to look after the tea and let me have another cup for I don't fancy that woman's pouring out I knew my aunt sufficiently well to know that she had something of importance on her mind and that there was far more matter in this arrival than a stranger might have supposed I noticed how her eye lighted on me when she thought my attention otherwise occupied and what a curious process of hesitation appeared to be going on within her while she preserved her outward stiffness and composure I began to reflect whether I had done anything to offend her and my conscience whispered me that I had not yet told her about Dora could it by any means be that I wondered as I knew she would only speak in her own good time I sat down near her and spoke to the birds and played with the cat and was as easy as I could be but I was very far from being really easy and I should still have been so even if Mr Dick leaning over the great kite behind my ant had not taken every secret opportunity of shaking his head Darkly at me and pointing at her Trot said my aunt at last when she had finished her tea and carefully smooth down her dress and wiped her lips you need go but kiss Trot have you got to be firm and self Reliant I hope so Aunt what do you think inquired Miss Betsy I think so Aunt then why my love said my aunt looking earnestly at me why do you think I prefer to sit upon this property of mine tonight I shook my head unable to guess because said my aunt it's all I have because I'm ruined my dear if the house and every one of us had tumbled out into the river together I could hardly have received a great a shock dick knows it said my aunt laying her hand calmly on my shoulder I am ruined my dear Trot all I have in the world is in this room except the cottage and that I have left Janet to let but kiss I want to get a bed for this gentleman tonight to save expense perhaps you can make up something here for myself anything will do it's only for tonight we'll talk about this more tomorrow I was roused from my amazing ment and concern for her I am sure for her by her falling on my neck for a moment and crying that she only grieved for me in another moment she suppressed this emotion and said with an aspect more triumphant than dejected we must meet reverses boldly and not suffer them to frighten us my dear we must learn to act the play out we must live Misfortune down trot