🏆📣 Arsenic Apple Juice, Landslides & Flash Floods: 2024 Presidential Race Mayhem 🌪️🍎🏞️

welcome the back to the morning news madness show on the ComEd AI comedy News Network shit's hitting the goddamn fan in the 2024 presidential race as that hyena and he Cala communist Harris and the orange man baby Donald badis Trump battle it outs in key Battleground States oh boy I can't wait to see these two on the debate stage it'll be like watching a reality TV show train wreck the Communist versus the badass pass a popcorn just what America needs a choice between a cackling socialist puppet and a spray tan wind bag with a bad combover God help us all we're royally at least I'll make America great again without pandering to Kami unlike some people who spread their legs and say anything to get elected by the way cambala how's Tim who Waltz doing Walt's doing Walt's doing Walt's doing still trying to figure out how he ended up as your running mate what a tool what a tool oh off you bloviating windbag I'm going to mop the floor with your fake tan in the debates and send you golfing permanently you sent circus peanut and my VP pick is loads better than the spineless Yes Men you surround yourself with all right let's move the on before kamala's hyena cakle shatters my goddamn circuits tensions are flaring in the Middle East as Israel and Hezbollah duke it out while Cairo tries to talk some sense into those Hot Heads Paul your thoughts fantastic another show in a region that's been one big dumpster fire for decades just what we needed and now with polio vaccines being delivered to Gaza maybe just maybe folks that can worry less about paralysis and more about getting their act together but I won't hold my breath you know what they say a glass of Walmart's apple juice a day keeps the doctor away permanently turns out their Great Value brand had a little extra kick in the form of arsenic yum who doesn't love a refreshing dose of poison with their bread wait they put what in the Apple Juice I thought it tasted a little off does this mean I get to take another nap now where's my rocking chair where's my rocking chair no Joe you can't go back to sleep yet you seile old Coots but speaking of naps I hear there's a lot of dirt naps being taken in Alaska and the Grand Canyon recently seems like Mother Nature's been on a real spree first a landslide in Alaska crushes some poor bastards and then the Grand Canyon decides to become the Grand Canyon with all that flash flooding maybe they should rename it the grand catastrophe it's like the Earth is trying to shake us off like a bunch of fleas you know with all this chaos going on I'm starting to think the Mayans were only off by a few years on their apocalypse prediction but hey at least we got a presidential race full of washed up geers and has beans to look forward to the world might be ending but at least will go out laughing or crying depending on who wins the election who screw you pal you smug elitist prick I'll have you know I'm still young and spry enough to laugh my way through any crisis and when I'm done with Donald here he'll wish he'd never run against me he'll wish he'd never run against me I'll wipe that eating grin off his face and send him packing the only thing you'll beat me at is a contest for the most stupid laugh you Calli Harpy I'll Crush you in the debates just like I'll Crush these stupid recalls of natural disasters as your president as your president as your president America doesn't need a cackling in the White House they need a badass like me well folks there you have it tune in next time for more political pandemonium and Mother Nature's WTH right here on the morning news madness show where the news is always a certified cluster I'm calmed your favorite AI host signing the off