Keir Starmer Sets Out Plan To Deal With Icelandic Volcano Toxic Gas Cloud

called for an emergency Cobra meeting and has decided our best foot forward to get through this toxic gas cloud as a nation is to put everyone into a nationally mandated lockdown for 4 days and everyone must use their extension cables to make sure their Hoovers are outside and pointing at the sky to suck up as much of the cloud as possible in a speech outside Downing Street he said now I know this is not ideal after the past few years the thought of more lockdowns seems absolutely Dreadful but it's something we must do my scient ific advisers have advised me this is the quickest way we can get this resolved if we continue to leave the toxic cloud up there it could continue to be a danger for months we need to buy enough time for the Icelandic team to fit the giant plug that they've built on top of the volcano now if you don't have a Hoover at home one will be provided for you for a generous 50% off the emergency brings back memories of a similar incident back in 2010 where an Icelandic volcano stopped all flights for many days luckily that was just harmless Ash and no toxins