Ep. 38 - Stephen 'tWitch Boss' | Last Days Podcast

whenever he's not here for whatever reason it's just different I mean I I I count on him to to look over at and make silly jokes and and he's my pal you know he's my sidekick because you know we have this we have this connection so just looking over and and and he makes me laugh he really really makes me laugh I love you twitch and you know how much we we we tell each other that every day when we say goodbye after the show we both say love you he says love you much and I say love you and so he's never going to be out of my life he's he's always a part of my life [Applause] and on Saturday December 10th 2022 dancer choreographer actor and TV personality Steven twitch boss who achieved Fame as the DJ and occasional co-host for eight seasons on The Ellen degenerous Show celebrated his 9th wedding anniversary with his wife Alison Hulker at home with their three children children 14-year-old Wesley 7-year-old Maddox and 3-year-old little Zia who is the spitting image of her father videos the family posted on social media around this time show the house already decked out for Christmas with decorations on the walls and presents piling up under the tree when the anniversary night was done twitch and Allison posted to their respective Instagram accounts messages full of love and adoration for each other along with photographs and videos from their wedding 9 years earlier twitch wrote happy anniversary my love and accompanied the post with several bright red heart emojis for her part Allison captioned her post quote it's our 9th anniversary I couldn't be more grateful to celebrate this perfect magical Day saying yes to Twitch has been one of the best decisions I ever made in my life I feel so blessed and loved I love you baby and I will never take you or our love for granted I love you perhaps it's foolish to assume that the sentiments people Express on social media reflect their true emotions even the unhappiest people will sometimes put positive spins on their lives when posting online but it is impossible to look at twitch's and Allison's posts and to read their heartfelt messages of love for each other and their beautiful children and to watch the way they talked and held hands and danced together and to conclude that they were anything but an enduring devoted and contented family and yet just 2 days after the anniversary early on the morning of Tuesday December 12th twitch packed a small bag with only a change of clothes and his handgun slipped out of his house without telling Allison turned his phone to airplane mode it couldn't be tracked and took an Uber to the Oak Tree Inn a dreary two-story motel in a Henda style building on heavily trafficked ventor Boulevard just a mile from his house he walked into the motel lobby at approximately 10:30 a.m. spoke jovially with the motel Clerk and paid $17 to reserve a room for a single night twitch made his way down to room 249 and let himself in there is no way to know exactly what transpired in that room over the next 24 hours twitch did not leave the room did not call or text anyone or even as far as can be determined ever take his phone off airplane mode to check the internet Allison reported to police that twitch was missing shortly after he left the house noting with particular worry that she couldn't reach him by phone and he had not taken his car with him when he left two things that she said were very much out of character for him the next morning after twitch failed to check out of his room by 11:00 a.m. a housekeeper knocked at the door and not receiving an answer used her key to let herself in it was then in the bathroom of room 249 she discovered twitch dead as a result of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the Head Steven twitch boss was 40 years [Music] old I'm Jason Beckerman I'm Derek Hoffman this is last day's Steven twitch [Music] boss TMZ broke the story of twitch's death on the morning of December 14th a short time later Allison issued a statement that read it is with the greatest regret that I have to to share that my husband Steven has left us Steven illuminated every room he entered he valued family friends and Community Above All Else and leading with love and light meant everything to him he was the backbone of our family the best husband and father and an inspiration to his fans she concluded Stephen we love you we miss you and I will always Save the Last Dance For You Allison intentionally admitted from her statement her thoughts on why she believed twitch may have taken his own life her sole Focus she would later say was on the couple's three children and she rightly asserted she did not have any obligation to satisfy the Public's Curiosities nevertheless there was enormous public interest in twitch's death and a deep Fascination about what may have caused this seemingly happy man with so much to live for to end it all the coroner reported that there were no drugs or alcohol in his system when he died and countless interviews conducted by law enforcement and the media of his wife his extended family his friends and his colleagues shed no light on what what went wrong to a person everyone who knew him said twitch never indicated in words or actions that he had ever contemplated harming himself a few days after his death on December 16th 2022 the LAPD reported twitch left a suicide note in the room where he died the full contents of the note have never been made public but according to law enforcement sources it only made one vague reference to quote past struggles but did not specify what those struggles were or why they may have led to suicide Derek the combination of such intense public interest with such little Illuminating information meant that speculation would soon fill the void and boy did it twitch's friend former American Idol contestant and reality star Todrick Hall dropped a bombshell in late December when he implicated twitch's former boss Ellen degenerous in twitch's death at the time degenerous was facing a flurry of accusations from former employees that she had created an onset Culture of Fear and intimidation that negatively affected the mental health of some of her employees the news about Ellen created a wave of online criticism at the time including some directed at twitch and Hall suggested it may have all been too much for him he said quote people were looking at him like why are you still supporting this woman and I think he was under a lot of pressure if I was in the wrong position of where this abuse would keep happening for years and years and years there's only so much a human being can take Hall's accusation was met with backlash and reportedly caus him two commercial endorsements but he didn't take back the assertion J Jason I I remember this very well this was at the time when Ellen had built this edifice as as the nicest person on television she would have YouTube stars and all of a sudden that edifice was crumbling and because there were no details about twitch's death people just rushed to fill that void and and I thought it was downright nasty look Ellen is a controversial figure and what she how she treated her staff on that set has become the source of a lot of speculation and frankly some of it has been confirmed in in her behavior but to rush to the Judgment that someone who took their own own life in a hotel room was somehow laid to laid at her feet I found gross I really did it was gross there was to to the point we'll talk more about this there was a lot of speculation and it happens right obviously Allison had no obligation to fill this void and honestly as we'll learn she didn't really know what had happened exactly but nevertheless there's a natural public Fascination he was a very public figure he was beloved and there people are going to start to speculate when there isn't anything there for them to sink their teeth into and and as forunate as it might be it just is that that's why it really just is but she was grieving I mean every time you saw an interview with Ellen you played one at the top she loved twitch and and there was a real affection there and to have to deal with people blaming you on top of the loss of one of her closest friends is a very rough thing well rough thing to do it is the cas look you and I used to work for the same company that Ellen work worked for for forever and we had heard the stories that she was very difficult you and I never saw it we couldn't confirm it individually but but there were a lot of stories going around for years and years the public didn't know about that she was an insanely difficult person to work for and I think largely that was true for the rank and file but from the clip we played at the top we'll hear more about this later there was a true and genuine love that the two of them had for one another and that came through in every aspect of their relationship the allegations that were made against her were really from the rank and file the stories we heard were that the higher ups the EPS twitch really had a phenomenal relationship with her and they were very good to each other y degenerous for her part issued a statement mourning twitch's death stating in part I'm heartbroken twitch was pure love and light he was my family and I loved him with all my heart I will miss him please send your love and support to Allison and his beautiful children Wesley Maddox and Zia tajra Call's assertions about Ellen were just the tip of the speculation Iceberg as we discussed the actor Columbus Short who claimed to be friends with twitch posted and then quickly deleted a video in which he suggested Financial problems may have been at the root of twitch's problems twitch isaz was amazing is amazing still his legacy shall live on but you know what if you invest in something that uh took your whole life savings possibly gets it gets rough TMZ later fact checks shorts assertions and found they were flatly untrue for his final two years on Ellen's show twitch was an executive producer with a seven fig salary and both twitch and Allison were still making excellent incomes from their very I TV appearances and a clothing line and their Los Angeles area home was worth about $4 million sources close to Allison confirmed to TMZ that twitch made no risky Investments of the kind suggested by Columbus Short and the family was in a strong financial position over the next several months as Allison continued to focus on her family and elected not to indulge The public's curiosity more baseless and Insidious rumors spread involving Allison and various of twitch's other co-workers all of which were unsupported by any evidence or even common sense sense but quite naturally took their toll on twitch's family finally in May 2023 6 months after twitch died Allison revealed that twitch had struggled with depression but went to Great Lengths to keep it from the public she told People magazine that the outside world had no idea what he was going through she said he didn't want people to know he just wanted to be everyone's Superman and protector Allison added that she was finding it very hard to come to terms with what twitch must have been going through in the hours before he died Jason you know Allison is never going to tie up a neat bow on the reasons she believes twitch may have uh killed himself you know and I think that's partly because she doesn't know uh you know she is grappling with this in real time yes she was very close to him she probably has she certainly has more insight than anyone else on Earth they had young children but no one really knows what someone is struggling with their interior life is interior and that's true even of a spouse she's talked a lot about this she's talked about the fact I I don't know what he was going through she clearly seems to have some knowledge that had struggled with mental health issues in the past but she was completely floored when this happen stunned by this happen and not in the typical you know look there there's a lot of people that show some telltale signs of depression you know there there's persistent sadness lack of motivation lack of self-esteem these things we all recognize as somebody being on a descent and that doesn't seem to be who he is and I was reading a lot about this and in the case of Twitch in particular there was a a phenomenon that I learned about called high functioning depression and there have been people NBC News did a whole thing about twitch and how he was suffering likely suffering from high functioning depression it's really a colloquial term that I hadn't heard before and basically just means someone who gives every outward appearance of happiness but who suffers below the surface and so we again we think of depression as allc consuming you want to sit in a dark room and be away from people twitch obviously wasn't doing that twitch was a DJ on a popular daytime television show he was gregarious he had relationships with Ellen and other staff members so it doesn't square with how people think of depression but there is this there is a way of it manifesting this way that's right and so and look if it was just the fact that he was gregarious on screen the big Millions wat smile great guy everybody loved him everybody liked this guy and he was very affable and lovable but if he had if it was just that I'd say well we don't know what was happening his in his personal life but we also know from his family that he was the same way at home and we see from the very personal videos I posted online he was a goofball and a silly dad and constantly had Z in his arms at all times and sort of doing the raspberries on her belly and the whole thing this by by all accounts by all outward sort of views he was a really happy guy and that's where this high functioning depression comes in that this is not a person that manifested their depression in the way that we're accustomed to and that's what really caught everybody off guard and and I really I really feel for Allison because he may have shown none of these signs in in both his professional and personal life but could have still been and obviously was going through things in his in his in his head and she knew of the depression she knew of the high functioning depression that he had but people were looking they're looking for her to say we had a fight they're looking for her to say we lost money on an investment and she wouldn't give that they looking to say he would go down these rabbit holes of depression for months at a time and then come back out of them yes something that makes sense to us yes people were looking was there something in his system no the autopsy report confirms that there weren't drugs or alcohol in system so so one of things that struck me D is the the motel staff who were interviewed by law enforcement after the suicide said that he was in a really good mood when he showed up he he even even then he was presenting a happy face even could be minutes or hours before he died he was presenting himself a happy with he had a happy forward face and then he goes in and and kills himself in the most horrific possible way yeah it clearly wasn't a cry for help because he did not want people to know he was going to go to that room he was engaging his phone off he didn't want to hear people talk him down he wanted to commit this act and he went to the room and he did it and all he talks about in the suicide note he doesn't give a description he just says you know past difficulties that he suffered from yeah it's it's heartbreaking it really is and I suppose by now most people are familiar with twitch's story originally from Montgomery Alabama he came to California to pursue a career in dance ultimately finding some commercial success and fame when he was the runner up on season 4 of So You Think You Can Dance Ellen took notice of twitch on the show and invited him to appear where he was able to Showcase his talent to a broader audience and he became a recurring guest on the program the audience absolutely loved him and he flourished in this environment becoming an everyday sidekick and then over Time guest hosting when Ellen was away he frequently brought Allison and his kids to the show and he and Allison announced both of their pregnancies and births of their children live on the program being that it is Mother's Day we thought this was the perfect opportunity to to announce that we're having a baby what I just wanted to go back to what we talked about before about this incredible relationship they had there's a real warmth between them and I happen to know somebody who worked on The Ellen Show very closely with both of them for years and and talked about that warmth they had they really did care about each other yeah and you can see it I mean I Ellen everyone questions now because she was able to present this and and we know that that wasn't the full story with her personality really did seem like the full story with twitch's personality like he was warm and anyone you talk to says he was warm it it comes from his history I mean this was a guy who was on a show called So You Think You Can Dance how many stars have broken out of that it wasn't American Idol you know American Idol minted stars for many many years so you think you could dance dance in and of itself we're not a culture that celebrates it that much you can count on one hand Gregory Hines people like thats for that show were literally one tenth of what they were for American Idol and the other Talent the xfactor and the other talent shows and he gets on Ellen when Ellen is the biggest show on Earth on daytime television after Oprah it was just Ellen and he was one of the stars of it yeah it's it's really incredible what he did I mean he moved out here as a Dancer the chances of obtaining real success as a dancer are really small right it's not it's not a it's not somewhere you go to for a lucrative career typically but twitch overcame all those odds and you know what is possibly one of the saddest things to experience is he really got a lottery ticket he ended up on Ellen he's a DJ he's making a seven figure salary and if you look then and you're still not happy you know like he obviously his interior life was a darker place and he must have looked around and said I've got a beautiful wife I've got a great job I've got wonderful children and I can't Darkness away I'm in so much pain and you know Jason there's nothing darker than not being able to get out of a depressive situation when your life is surrounded by a lot of happy things so twitch was genuinely loved by so many people everyone from Michelle Obama Dwayne Wade JLo Julie Bowen Carrie Washington they all wrote tributes to twitch but these weren't your standard condolences to your family kind of messages that everyone gets they were personal and heartfelt and moving and clearly aimed at someone they came to know and cared about deeply Channing Tatum who became very close friends with twitch while they worked together in one of the Magic Mike movies called twitch quote the kindest warmest sweetest soul I had met in the business he noted that twitch made a point to check in on Tatum and his family when they were going through a difficult time Tatum said that twitch was beloved by literally everyone I have no words there aren't any my head or heart cannot understand this but the loss felt by Allison and the three children is the most unimaginable of all the way he died without warning giving them no time to prepare Allison said she can't help but Wonder every single day about what she could have done to save his life the warning sign she missed and how she could not see that someone she loved so much was in so much pain if as Derrick and I have you watched the recent interviews with Allison about her husband you can't help but be moved by her profound sadness and her strength she speaks so eloquently about what a Kind and Generous man her husband was and what an amazing impact he had on his children and so we'll give Alison Hulker the final word Steven was an incredible father an incredible husband and we shared in something so special like our love was so real and it was so loud and beautiful I tell people like at our house it was like we just it was a choreographed dance it was a beautiful routine and everyone molded together and and there was so much laughter and love and so many amazing memories created and he was a family man and he loved taking care of everyone and protecting everyone and you can still feel that love in our home he's with us he's in our hearts um he's watching over us from the stars and our home still feels like that safe place because I know he is still with us and here protecting us [Music] a