Daughters: A Powerful Netflix Documentary

these girls just needed a way to invite their fathers into their [Music] lives so many things I've got to tell you but I'm afraid I don't know how CU there's a posil you look at me differently long ever since the first moment I spoke your name from then on I know that by you being in my life things were to change cuz love so many people use your [Music] name those who have faith in you sometimes Str through all the ups and down the Jo HS Love For Better or Worse I still will choose you [Music] first it's cuz love so many people [Music] Fai in you asight hello hello hello hello how is everybody doing dry your eyes dry your eyes be strong we are here to get through this doc together because I cried I cried I cried I cried welcome to to this good old daughters live of course I am not only streaming on my platform but on my guest platforms backstage as well so if you could like share subscribe Super Chat all that good stuff on their end too that would be fabulous I'm excited to see that we already have a good 25 people in here I love that I love that and we we gonna get started get get the box to Kleenex and and sit them next to you because man this was really really emotional I I think I want to bring out a father for I want to bring out the father on the panel first to to see uh and hear what he thought about the doc d how you feeling man the amount of Thug tears that I sent is man this this one was a roller coaster but yeah yeah what's going on how you doing I'm good it's is it was it was many uh Thug Passion uh tears shed but they were they were good tears because regard of how I felt about watching it I was really glad I watch I feel like this is like necessary viewing absolutely bringing her out next because the perspective is normally sweet and I know it was sweet and sentimental on this one Ashley what did you think about this Doc and muted as usual trying to shut up because I be running my mouth okay no y'all you I went into this like oh this is just a documentary I do documentaries I watch them all the time 20 minutes in this thing I was sobbing I was crying real tears and like you Tyra I think everyone should watch this and maybe not for the reason you think but so that you can even if it hasn't affected you directly I think this can help us better understand people as a whole watching these babies Journeys like I'm not expecting to feel all of the feels but it's so important from the men's perspective from the mom's perspective from the baby's perspective it's so important it's so important and I don't think until you see it In Living Color you understand the full impact it was it was beautifully done Jesus important that's a good word watch it please I see I see some people in the chat like I don't like things that make me cry this is a necessary cry this was a good cry I felt for these girls and these men in this doc uh Kate in the back with the books because she is reading them there was no book for this one so I know Kay was over there you know wiping her glasses you know people cry and they wear glasses you got to clean and wipe it's a hot mess it's a whole hot mess K were you back there wiping those glasses when you seen the stock okay so listen for those who don't know about me I'm A og triple OG I don't cry when I watch stuff okay okay I can take it like a G let me tell you something at least one of two Thug tears [ __ ] at least one of two and I was like what is this what is this I couldn't help but just like if you have any kind of emotion in your body you you go you going to shed at least one of two3 years watching this but in a good way oh yeah I I can't remember the last time I watched anything and cried I absolutely did not expect I was like oh my God I'm so emotional I'm so emotional and so invested in these babies last but not least the movie man is in the back I would love to know how he felt about this stop as well hey hey everybody um yes so this is actually with the premiere on Netflix this actually my second time watching this and I know we'll get more into that um and I wondered like what it would be like watching it for a second time and I figured I've had the experience so I'm not going to surely it's not going to pull all these emotions out of me again and I was absolutely 100% wrong so I am but I also will say that emotion for me is very specific and it usually comes from um it comes from a certain place like if you if you get me to cry like there are certain nuances and just kind of depth to the emotion that causes it to come out so yeah and I'm excited to talk about that piece as well oh yeah absolutely I was uh like oh I cried already let me try to piece my things together for this live in my images cried again he caught me caught me slipping again just trying to get steel shots it's it's that it's that impactful I I really really enjoy this doc but for those of you who haven't seen it of course y'all know I'm G try to give y'all a good visual before we get into the daughters we uh meet a lot of daughters here but we do mainly focus on four and you know here here here's a couple of them just so you can get familiar let's see my cousin taught me my one two 3 4 five six time tables I'm the smartest one in my class I wish it was I wish my dad was home already next time you go back in jail not going to even share one single tear and when my dad was home she was so nice and stuff my dad not around so I'm the dad everything was important to him except for J why do you want to bond with her while you incarcerated I don't even remember his face I don't remember nothing about my father went I talk to him tell him about my day and I remember he's not right here she give us more time on the phone 15 minutes when he's going to be in there for how long she's academically challenged because she struggles on focusing she went on the rooftop and she was like she was thinking about jumping on oh Lord okay we got got we got to take it off immediately Lord Lord please please oh do daughter's definitely uh had had its foot all all up and through my neck but I just wanted y'all to make get a little familiar with the girls before we uh dive into them but oh Lord um before before we dive into those girls anymore take take a little break little little little little clutch my pearls to get into um the director and the executive producer uh this is directed by Natalie Ray an executive executively produced by Carrie Washington and Miss Angela Paton she's co-directing she's the cre Creator she's an activist and she's an advocate for young girls this is definitely a labor of love for her and you could tell that this was her baby uh if you have seen this doc uh Miss Angela is the female in the lead when the inmates are giving councel who is uh at making make put all these things into place and all always advocating for this program to happen um and also kind of corresponding between the mothers and the dash just to make sure this is a positive thing that she is trying to do she is the creator of this situation and I loved everything about this and I loved her Ashley anything for uh Miss Angela or Miss Carrie you know jumping on so we can get that Netflix cosign listen you know I you I I feel like if if Carrie put a name on it you know it's gonna be a little something special most of the time 98.2% of the time we gonna see what happens with Tyler in the future but as far as this this was was a love letter it was so sincere and it was so honest and it was so raw and shout out to miss Angela Patton out here doing the Lord's work with these babies with their mamas like even watching her empowerment sessions with these babies telling them who they are and who they can show up as in the world was so heartwarming and to know that this is her work and it was based on um what a great relationship she had with her father and seeing how there's such a disparity in in black and brown spaces um with fathers being absent I love this this is pioneering and this is truly the Lord's work uh in my mind shout out to her kudos to her um for embarking up on such a a beautiful a beautiful a beautiful movement is what I'll call it child absolutely I think the what I found joy in the most here outside of those girls especially Aubrey child because baby we gota get in Aubrey um was to watch uh Angela here and uh Mentor life coach Chad pour into those inmates it was giving me everything I never knew I needed dumb this is such I I I give her so much props and and commend her so much and Carrie Washington too it's it's it's not it's it's there's a special place in heaven for people who go out of their way and dedicate years of their life just for the benefit other people and and I feel like the work they're doing is generationally beneficial I feel like this is going to like we talk about in in the community breaking generational curses and and changing the direction of paths and I feel like this is a very big shift in the right direction for a lot of people okay I think that it was Noble to to be brave enough to do something like this to not only um have this program in place but to to put it on display for the world to to put that emotion in front of people um as a teachable moment as a lesson to people uh who may be going through it to have some commonality and um as a warning before people end up in this type of situation D um so much love so much appreciation so much like all the things for Angela Patton and I want wanted to say that um I saw this at Sundance and so there's a point of course they do the Q&A and they bring out um the director so it was her it was Natalie Ray um at this point I don't I think Carrie Washington got on board after the fact if I'm not mistaken because they go through the whole distribution process but so she wasn't there but um she made oh my gosh she had made it a point to say that um you know when it came about the process of doing this and and coming together and all that um she and you know collaborating with Natalie as well she was like look you know this is a great thing to to do this and highlight this but you know I am going to protect my community always so we have to be very mindful about how we do this I'm not you know we're not half stepping we're not going to exploit we're not like look like she was she made it very clear and she was even crying as she said it she was like if we're going to do this we're going to do this right and I I often will say myself as someone who um you know struggles and and what didn't want to see this and it was kind of a fluke and I'll explain while later why I ended up seeing this but I get very scared when it comes to stories or black stories that are centered around certain things that would be deemed struggle like struggle or traumatic or any of those things and for me it comes down to what you're really saying what the catharsis is and for me I just felt like this was about exploration not exploitation and I feel like if if our stories if that's at the core of it even when it does deal with things that are uncomfortable and and not the best then that's where we find humanity and that's what I how I felt about this absolutely I like how modestly this was shot and you could tell certain angles were used to especially with the girls to give them a sense of privacy in their space we weren looking you know all up and through their homes and even the fact that we didn't know what any of these inmates did what they were in there for they were really really just humanized and you just saw them as fathers and people I was like oh this is nice this is this is absolutely nice thank you thank you so much Miss Angela and continue all your work that you are doing with this program it's everything let's get in Aubrey let's get in a little Aubrey how many certificates do I need to need to have until my daddy comes home seven years is a long time I put intelligent energetic thoughtful and adorable oh uh we we spent a lot of time with uh little Aubrey in this Doc and you instantly feel so connected to her I love how in depth we go with her as a little girl her purpose and you just right off the back SE above anything else she loves her daddy she loves her daddy and she is counting the minutes days hours until her dad comes home but until then what he told me to do is do well in school get those certificates be my best self I'm going to continue to do that but it's it feels like she's internalized and as if I just you know do you know the the most maybe y maybe y'all let him out for good behavior because I'm behav so well which which I absolutely love but Aubrey uh really touched my heart and we'll get into I just want to kind of focus on the girls now in their state now and then kind of transition into how they are once we uh link up with them three years later but this definitely left an impact on me to feel hit in my throat when we see Aubrey from uh five and when she's eight yeah D tell me about Aubrey D um yeah I I kind of I mean there are a lot of I didn't know what to make of this at first still but I as soon as I saw Aubrey and I started to listen I was kind of like I don't know what else I'm gonna get from this film but I already feel like I made the right decision just from watching her um it just there was just something um and I don't know it's just one of those things that reminds me because obviously you know I don't have children and I'm not I don't interact with children on a day-to-day basis but it just kind of reminds me of um in some ways reminds me of what it was like to be a when I was one and then what it's like to um just understand the the pure innocent hearts of children and how they see the world um in in some ways the things they don't understand about the world um but how they truly believe and they have hope and they believe in in in change and the things that they can do to impact the world and I think that was the most beautiful thing in addition to her just kind of being funny and quirky and cute of course but it was just her not only being intelligent and and having you know this but also just believing like hey like I can do these things and I can make an impact in this world if I just keep going and I can change things even if it's just for my father and who knows Beyond it's gonna be okay Aubrey K did you did you see your baby your baby in this because I definitely saw my babies in absolutely 100% I know my time stes 100% super smart energetic and very very talkative it was almost like it was almost like watching my child on on the Netflix documentary I was just like if this ain't Trinity I don't know who is and that's that I guess that's why it hit me so hard because of her relationship with her dad it was just like I I I felt for her because I'm just like it my my daughter and and and and my husband they're they're like this they're stuck together and for her to be that close with her dad and not be able to touch him all the time and for him to not be there it's really heartbreaking yeah Dum did you see your baby man man my little baby My little Baby seven and so I was watching Aubrey like when Aubrey popped up on the screen and as soon as she started talking that was the first of many times I was about to turn this off I was about to turn this documentary off because I was like I don't need to go through this I need to go hug my baby and um and and and it's like it's like how D said in the sense that I don't I to stay away from or I'm very judicious about what type of stories like this that I watch or I engage in especially because I don't think that every every uh project that showcases our struggle is necessarily for us like um like Ava du's 13 like or 13 I was like I don't need to see that I know I live I mean I know that's for the people who don't know I know and so I was like but so stuff like that but but I'm glad that I finished it but watching Aubrey and how intelligent she is and it showcase it just kind of like really showcase how I think sometimes we get into this thing with kids where we focus on what we tell them and and what we're intending to show them and we think that that's all that they're ingesting but but show but Aubrey and and the other uh young girls too but um kind of highlighted how yeah what they're what you're not intending to show them or not what you're not directly tell them it still has an effect and they still are able to draw certain connections between observing what's around them and the connection she was drawing and the awareness she had of her own situation was impressive for such a young lady but also incredibly sad because you shouldn't have to deal with certain stuff like that and so Aubrey was my Touchstone through the whole thing because I was like every time we checked on somebody else I was like but how Aubrey do it how the baby do it oh Lord yeah when she hit that like I'm about to tell my daddy all the time I love him no I love you more and I'mma always be here for you and have your back I was like oh arbrey that ain't even your job Ashley the weight on baby girl shoulders I adored Aubrey first and foremost she was just you know you think you you you want to have a baby you're like I want my little girl to be like Aubrey like she is a go-getter she is bright she is full of love joy affection hope um all of the things and so immediately you you fall for her but as soon as you meet her um you know it turns into this thing of if I do this then there's a if then with her right and everything is based on her performance well if I do great in school if I fill up every wall in the house with certificates that means Daddy's going to come home and as we watch her journey and it evolve it be it becomes heartbreaking almost right um but shout out to Aubrey's mama she is raising a beautiful young lady um again I I adored her you guys covered all of all of the main things but her sheer will and determination at seven she's like oh I'm gonna Excel I'm gonna do it and you're gonna come home in seven years right no well maybe no seven seven her mind absolutely adored her it's gonna be seven yeah that you told me seven so it's gonna be I want to hear nothing other than seven I regret whatever phone call that was when he told her it wasn't seven child oh Santana Santana is tired and she's been here before I never want to be a mother if this is what it means Santana is a Dancer there's this maturity there's also some anger and she's very very tough now baby y y'all give Sant a break okay she need a vacation she need a pension she need a she need a pinion colada at this point h i i I've seen I saw a little of myself in Santana and I saw a little of so many other young black girls in uh Santana she is very very mature for 10 but you can tell that she's forced into that because of the circumstances and she's Harding herself because she is angry she she's mad she's mad Santana is mad and she I I can't be mad at her for it she has every right to be but I just I was like at 10 when when she hits that you know my dad's in jail I'm the dad and you could tell that all of these uh young babies they are under the age of one and it just seems like Dad gets out just long enough to have a new baby and go back I like uh no no but I just really felt for Santana in the circumstances I was happy that she did have an outlet for dancing and that was something that she could do because I was like oh this baby don't have nothing because you could tell uh her mother is uh more of a younger mother and they kind of have more of a friendship Dynamic going on and you you could just tell that we we know what this is I've seen this I've seen this and we know exactly what this is and we know exactly what s Santana circumstances are as long as her dad is in jail but for her to feel like you keep messing up to the point that I'm not going to care and I'm not going to shed a tear when we met Santana in the front seat of that car I was like baby if you don't she don't have much longer you don't have another another chance with Santana to I'mma mess up and I'mma go back like this is it she is already at her breaking point at 10 if you lose her and lose that relationship with her now you are probably not gonna get it back Ashley I adored Santana I I adored Santana because Santana was relatable I've met Santana I probably been Santana in some moments where you I mean you reach a point of obstinacy based on what you're saying around you and it's like all of the people who are in my life that are supposed to to be my examples and you know raising me are not I'm having to raise myself baby when she said this is affecting me like y'all don't see like get that baby in therapy get her some help and it's like all of these people who are supposed to have emotional intelligence and be mature and be you know seeing what's going on with her she's like I'm screaming it from the rooftops like I'm hurting like oh my goodness I I felt for Santana um I I adored her and still know that even with all of that even with the bravado and the anger and I've made up my mind child I don't want no kids I'm raising your kids I don't want anymore I don't want any of this um how soft her heart still was when we get to a certain point it it's like that's just people like this is such it's so humanizing in that this is how we can be right we build this exterior to protect ourselves um but when someone does the right thing for that one time we'll open our hearts back up you know what I mean I felt for Santana I cried with and for this baby dum man this somebody get sna drink um s yeah she she AR that well I I I definitely like ash said I definitely felt for her I definitely identified with her because you get to a certain age and to me that's always heartbreaking when children get to a certain age when where they're like accurately understanding adult Dynamics and it's because they've been done so wrong it's like a lot of times children get upset or they get mad at stuff and you're like well you don't understand the full context or you don't have a real understanding of what's going on so from your perspective is it's it's frustrating but it's just not really what the situation is Santana uh has a very good picture of what's going on and she has a very clear understanding of what's going on and very Justified and that to me is all the more heartbreaking because it's not a misunderstanding it's not oh you don't understand adult things you just are in a bad position and unfortunately you're fully aware of it and I've been s Santana is the one I identify with the most because when you look at somebody who's supposed to be taking care of you continually dropping the ball you're like well if you're not gonna do it I gotta do it and I appreciate the moment that comes later where it's like you you get to see that there's still time yeah um for folks to get their act together because I'm and I'm not I'm not uh like somebody else on panel I'm I don't have a whole bunch of degrees about healing um I believe in too late I believe in too late um I believe you didn't you it's a certain point where all right now you over with and so to see that Santana hadn't reached she when we first meet it felt like she hit that point like all right it's over with for the baby but to to to see what's underneath and there's just a raw emotion of it I think was part of one of the more important things about this documentary one of the things that this documentary did well in showcasing like as bad as it seems you still got to try you still got to show up because you don't it's not too late until it's too late so you still got to put in the effort uh degrees listen heavy is the head of of the oldest child because you're expected to be the responsible one you're expected to be able to babysit cook clean answer the phone if somebody's sick you got to take care of everybody else you got to be the responsible one you have to get the good grades in school you have to make sure you have good communication skills you have to stay out of trouble because your parents already dealing with other stuff and the youngest siblings is probably wilding out and she was she's dealing with all of that and with the the situ that she's in is what breeds perfectionists because she's looking at this situation like I don't have room to mess up because Dad's already messing up mom is stressed the baby can't f for itself so if I mess up what's going to happen to the whole family at this point and they put her in a position to uh give her symptoms of perfectionism because she's like I I can't mess up because I I know what it looks like and if I they're they're actually counting on me to be the strong person in the situation right now and that's too much to put on a child K the way they put the strong black woman TR on hisy old child I just can't I I can't listen um Santana may not be anyone's lover or secretary but she still says she's not gonna cry okay not shed no tears she working every day of the week I know that um yeah I I think that was um and and again you know as progressing through through me watching this it's like oh okay we're we're we're really we're getting somewhere with this um and just what I I definitely understood Santana I won't say my experience obviously was exactly the same for obvious reasons but that sense of I don't know like how circumstances um shape your world viw um at a very young age I do understand that and um it just reminded it like I it reminds me of when people say like children are resilient you know children are resilient children are resilient um but the thing is um they shouldn't have to be um there there shouldn't be circumstances in place where children feel like they have to be resilient they have to be the you know they have to be their own hero their own Champion their own all these things and I just I could feel the um I could you know and and even just the the the the mask um putting that up to you know to disguise the hurt the pain and then I also understood it because it's like look not just not just the the emotion and the tears but it's like you don't care you keep doing this and it's affecting me and and I love her self-awareness and maturity in that sense but she's like look you know I see the issues with my mother I see the issues with you I see you know you don't obviously care about how this affects me at all so it's just like why would I continue to pour out and have these emotions nothing changes and and this continues on from here so I I definitely um just appreciate appreciate it that there's a level of transparency with all of them but with Santana I found that it just hit something a little different for me so yeah yeah I know Santana child I'm the oldest single mom three kids um I know a Santana these are the women that go out into the world and you're questioning why are you the way that you are why are you so mad all the time why you can't never you know be vulnerable why can't and it's just like it it starts here and I just I was like somebody better do something somebody better do something right now I want to walk away from this doc with you know having done something for every single one of these girls especially Santana now we got uh Jana uh she's never met her father and is unsure about the interaction she's very doubtful she's a mama's girl she's cold and she's distant naturally so I don't know that man I don't know that man what I found that was funny uh with J she's never met her father but they kind of have the same demeanor a little bit like some of the same manism like some of the same face looks I was like this is this is hilarious I thought that was funny but uh I was here for for her having having those walls up as as a young lady like I have to make sure that I'm guarded and pretty much from start to finish you have to work for my relationship you have to work for you know all of this I you have to you know start from growing up this isn't just going to be some magical moment where everything's going to be all right because you're my dad and which we'll get into because I do have a slide just for the moms because I wanted to ask a question question you can also see that um J is one of the girls who has formed her opinion about her father via her mother and their experience together so yeah okay I mean you can't you can't blame her you can't blame her for feeling this way and it's not her it's it's not even up to her to try to forge this relationship they let her down she the one that was filled in this moment and when you when you see this this personality starting to form within your child it is up to the parents to say she may need therapy to work through this because I don't want her to go through her whole life with resentment I don't want her to be closed off I don't want her to be mad at the world and I still want her to know that even though this one person may have let you down you still have other people that care about you you still can um feel loved you can be supported and you can still Thrive but often times nobody's thinking about that part they're just like well he's this you know forgive him and and he's coming out soon and you just got to do the excusing the behavior of the absent parent instead of pouring into the child yeah that's I ain't getting most on this P I have CED this morning putting his things together um Ashley CH I mean okay so here's the thing right and some of y'all may know this you know this tyara and Kay knows this but uh like Jana right I I can put myself in her shoes completely cuz who is that man I I don't I don't I don't know to this day I don't know who my biological father is right so I can only imagine being a child and being like okay this is your dad he's incarcerated I want you to go to this program and sit in his face and like Oh daddy daughter dance i' be looking at this man upside his head too like she was like who is this man um so I get it and and although it is a defense mechanism I I mean guard your heart above all things I say do it and she says it later on listen he's gonna have to show me like you're gonna have to show me who you are because I've already been let down up to this point like these babies are getting into their pre-teens and teens like no no now and and of course I know you said we'll dive into it but yeah taking on I think parents have to be mindful about the conversations they have with their children and around their children regarding the other parent um because that definitely shapes us but in her instance I I can relate to that honey because because who are you let me let me see who you are first are you weird like is do I even want you in my life like let me watch and observe and listen and see if you show up like you say you will yeah most definitely uh mama was definitely giving we don't need that man we got each other that that's what what's what mama was giving and just like you Ashley never seen my father don't know who that man is wouldn't know him if I walk down the street so I related to all these girls on many levels Dom this was to me this was I know we gonna talk about the moms later this to me was the most um understanding parental situation not not not excusing the mom but I just I think I understood it the most because a lot of times when you got a parent or or or somebody um who isn't there out of sight out of mind especially if you don't have any positive association with them to begin with it's just easier to to to put them to the side and I'm here dealing with the day-to-day I'm here dealing with the every day I'm here with the cries I'm here with the happies I'm here with every uh emotion and so not only do we not need this person but it it does it does it does no benefit to bring them into any type of situation especially like the mom said where it was like I feel like you were you this was only important to you after you got put away and so now I feel like you're trying to have some type of connection to the inside so you have to be in a situation where I have to protect my daughter and decide what's best for her and I'm not sure that you're it and trying to make that determination um wow and and make the best thing for your daughter is not an easy thing it's not a it's not an easy thing to do and and yeah it's also not an easy thing to do like Ashley said about being about um what you say around your child and to your child I I give my mom a lot of uh props because the whole time I was coming up she never said anything bad about my dad around me I never heard her say a bad word about a man she could not stand and so and when I wanted to go see that man she was like look that's your dad if you want to go see him you go see him and then when I got to the point where I could make determination myself where I was like you know what I don't I think he ain't I don't think he it I don't want to deal with him no more she was like look let me tell you now that you grown and you made that decision we I've been waiting for you to make that decision so I I think and but I appreciate that because it to me it sets harder because I didn't grow up hearing a whole bunch of negative stuff about my dad it was just through all my own experiences and but I think that's hard I mean I think that's difficult because you in this position where I'm supposed to protect this person so you are harmful so I'm protecting you from harm I think it's hard to get over that or or put your personal feelings aside and let somebody because you do need your father and you do need that influence and regardless of what happens or how it happens I think you need to experience that relationship yourself and make that determination yourself I think it it sets a little bit more in your your soul and in your spirit uh when you go through that yourself instead of hearing it secondhand so I I empathize with the mother um I think the most because I I just know that's a difficult position to be in yeah D um well to um I mean I think you know Kiki said it best um I hate to say it I hope hope I don't sound ridiculous I don't know who this man is you know I mean he could be walking down the street and sorry to the um that's that's where that's where GI is and and I totally get it I mean the thing is and I think I think it to me she was at the biggest disadvantage because at least with the other girls they had something to attach themselves to something to kind of hope for or remember or cling to like there's something but when you don't have anything you don't even remember what this man looks like it's like what am I supposed to be where's where's the connection where's the like what do you feel there's nothing to feel so it just kind of creates this weird emotional void and um and I definitely empathize with her in that sense because it's just like I I don't even know how I'm supposed to you know like how am I even supposed to act like how how do you deal with this and and I and I definitely understood her mother despite the complications it's kind of one of those things where it's a catch 22 it's just like um it's like no it's in the it's not good to reinforce some of these things within it's like but who but then how did this begin you know how did this how did this start um you know like and it's yeah and it's just like and it just continues this unfortunate cycle um that trickles down to the child um and then how what how do they make sense of um even what a healthy Dynamic should be if even if in their own family they have no idea what that looks like and what that means oh my sentiments exactly and uh lastly we have for Zia this just doesn't feel like a home anymore Zia is hurting she's scared she's longing and she is stifled oh Zia uh rosiah is our oldest girl of the bunch at 15 and to see that she has been emotionally and mentally stunted by this situation and to see it affect her so heavily to where she doesn't feel whole enough as as a young lady that she would even consider uh taking out of this world oh oh I wasn't ready for this one I I wasn't I was I wasn't ready for this one and I was just really feeling for her because she is she is really desperate for that connection with her father and it's it's like she is strug struggling to go on or just move forward as a young lady and I just I was really concerned for her uh okay yeah I th this is I'm glad I didn't have to feel these these feelings and and to go through go through that and I'm glad that like like I don't know life without my dad being there but I know this is what something that can happen and I'm I'm I'm glad that you know my my dad has not only been um there for for us but my dad has helped raise grandchildren as well for when um their fathers were not present they had my dad to go to go to when this happened because of their own father at least they had my dad around and it's like when these when these girls are going through that where is the male substitute at when she's scared when she's hurting when she's longing for something where's the uncle where's Granddad where's cousin where's brother you know where where are these other men that can step up and and be that support system and in place of that so that she wouldn't have to feel cuz Mom can only do so much because Mom is also hurting because she has to be there where where is the support for these girls I I what I do like about this situation because you hear so much especially from single mothers I'm the mama and I'm the daddy we don't we we I could I'm a whole lot of things and I'm a great mom I could never be a father though I think people um underestimate how important that that uh presence of a father is and how could go when it's lacking and rosiah is definitely it going horribly wrong D yeah I I found that again um just with these nuances and the different Dynamics we get from um these young girls I felt like with rosiah it was kind of the opposite we have you know kind of hope we have the then we have the sense of obstinacy and you know kind of stubbornness being closed off and then we have complete utter vulnerability and you know emotional outpouring it's just like this is not this is just not um what life is supposed to be and like and she Reon and she recognizes the damage um that is taking on her and the toll that it's taking on her and I don't think anyone ever um thinks that um they'll and and there's a whole another there's a whole other conversation we had about mental health and how that works but I I don't think anyone ever thinks they'll just get to the point where it's just like oh you know I don't want to be in this world anymore but I think it has to do um I I think you have to um it's it's something in the mind and it has something to do um with how you see the value of your life and um if that if that uh value is not reinforced by um you know love support uh um you know emotional support you know a sense of strength a sense of stability then it's just like if something is not grounding you um in this world is not grounding you in this earth and it's just like why should I be here um and so I understood it um it was devastating to hear it but it's just like it makes it all the more important that she continues to have a reason to you know to to fight to continue to go forward and sometimes some people just don't have that and that can sometimes be um or even if they want to have that circumstances keep them from having it and um that definitely tipped this I mean it was already a serious subject but that it went even deeper because it's like this this is really how deep this can go and how far and the far-reaching consequences of this can have D you goon make me go to commercial break um dumb look um yall not gonna get me choked up on this on this live in front of all these Folk oh I think because because jumping off of what D say I think that is immensely important and I think that when you're um raising somebody or when you just have a loved one in general I think is I think we getting to a point where we never consider that it's going to touch us I think when when we talk about our loved ones and the people we're in charge of I don't I I think too often we don't consider that that could ever be us or the people we care about um and and so and a lot of times we don't realize it until it's too late and something's already happened and I feel like the the the day-to-day stuff the checking in the yeah the support group all that stuff is cumulative and all that stuff builds up and you need a a consistent amount of that and and I thought that uh rosiah was a good representation of the progression of these feelings that this of the situation that these girls are in because you start off with with oh just the purest of Aubrey and um and and then but but as you go through each of these girls through these different stages and age groups you get to a point where stuff starts to be permanent stuff starts to stick and it gets harder to move past it or disregard it because it's been built up for so long and when when when Z came on screen like when when Aubrey came on screen my heart melted because it reminded me so much of my daughter but when rosiah came on on screen I wanted I never wanted to adopt a child before until I saw her like I was like just come on come on over here it's love over here we got you um that's that's how I felt with with this baby and and it hurts so much to see um what she has to go through and what she's been through and just what and then to see her mother because you know I don't think that any of these these families are bad families I don't think any of these families are necessarily um you know I think they're doing the best they can um and to see riah's mother talk about it it was just heartbreaking and I and I just I just like somebody get them some help you know I just want them I just want everybody to get some help Ashley muted as usual sorry y listen I'm trying to hold it together riah rah th this broke me down like a fraction when I when I saw Mama just like Dom said it was over like if if I wasn't tow up before then I was tow up then but I it's so interesting the way that they um the way that they really curated this documentary and the families that we're getting to watch because we're seeing the fatherhood on a spectrum as well right you can really tell that when her rosiah daddy was out they was like this he was actively involved in her life um he was not only raising her we discover he was Raising one of his nieces as well uh and I hope it comes across as cautionary to fathers out here who might be engaging in some activities they shouldn't be because this could be the aftermath right when you leave these babies and you've been active a part of their lives your loss is felt like you are absolutely needed and just to piggyback on K's point I honestly wish there were more spaces that were safe unfortunately we don't have the safety in that right to have a lot of different I I understand a mother's view of not having a lot of men around their girls because they just don't know even uncles even you know family members sometimes but I wish there was a safe place where people could be vetted and you know be able to be consistent in these babies lives but I adored rosiah loved watching her journey but yeah I'm I'm with Don babe get some get some people to to come in and try to help cuz Mama was doing the best she could she really was I just I just wanted to hug her thank you so much a night of horror about to say King Nikki TV thank you so much for uh the $ two I can't watch stuff like this but big up to y'all it's it's worth to watch Nikki it really really is if you do want to consider watching it thank you so much for the Super Chat y'all go check out a night and Horror's channel it's everything thank you we got another one here from see the superior thank you so much for the $1.99 thank you thank you thank you so much C let's let's get into this because this is something I wasn't expecting them to shine any light on because baby I don't I don't know to two things about anybody's prison system and I don't want to but uh I always have to uh kindly be reminded that prison is a it's it's it's a business prison is very much so uh uh a business and you know it made me think about D because I know we talked about it D was like yeah the movie's lied the movie's lied to us TV lied to us as far as the perception of as long as you're doing what you need to do in jail you're not you know a an aggravated you know type of prisoner you're you're not uh locked in the in the hole or something I don't know you uh don't laugh as I don't know the terms you know it's not a 24hour maximum situation like as long as you're uh out in your behavior as well you get you know uh visitation there's still phone calls where you are you know the glasses in between and you can you know at least see your babies or you know it's it's B Street a talk situation and we sitting across from each other you know share it nextn I I literally thought that those were your options in jail and of course you know there's those um phone calls and writing but since uh two 2014 it's it's some it's some no touch no touch visitation I did not know that I did not know that not only are we getting into no touch visitation but of course things like phone calls are paid they have this new thing video phone calls those are paid and then we're also dealing with these prisoners being at risk of being relocated a couple of States over from where their family is actually living this was I was not expecting this and it made hit even harder that this would probably be the only time that they could actually hug and touch their daughters so um D um this yeah I would say this was probably the most like sh it's I feel like whenever I say something shocking it's almost like I have to follow it but like but I'm not I'm not shocked at the same time because it's like it's shocking on the surface but then if you think about I'm like oh no that makes perfect sense and this is the way um especially like on a um systemic level it's like of course of course of course um but it um and I wasn't expecting that um to be highlighted um or at least I don't know I just I thought it was going to be more focused um on you know just the daughters the inmates all that and then but then I it made sense and it understood like how much of a far-reaching issue this is beyond just yes the circumstances of of them being in and being in prison but um also like who who like who higher ups behind the scenes whatever you want to call it like what are they doing to further create this division to further create this separation to further um you know create these complications and and and having all these hoops that uh these people have to jump through just to have a sense of connection and it's just like you continue to erode and undermine all these any potential progress any potential growth um and then it may you and of course it made perfect sense um how that tied into everything else but yeah but that that really like I said shocked me in a way didn't shock me in a way but just understanding just how specific um the business you know in that sense is I thought that was that was wild yeah for me it was like let's keep these prisoners as down and agitated as possible so maybe you can be a repeat offender inside this jail you committed a crime and you're getting more time or you're more uh consistent with coming back you already felt hopeless in here for however much time you had you couldn't touch anybody what you couldn't hug nobody Ashley child I said love after lockup deceived me the way they be doing conjugals and the ladies be visiting every weekend and hugging on them and loving on these incarcerated men prison reform is needed absolutely because there's no way they can have cameras y'all can go in there these women can have conjugal visits and these fathers can't see their babies prison reform is needed but again with the privatization of prison um and everything being monetized right in terms of what they can access who they can access how they can access it um it it it's definitely going to cause an uproar right I mean you already have people who are locked up for crimes and then you say I'm going to limit every all the connections that you had on the outside and now you're re you're already in a box but now you're really in a box and almost up in a corner it's asking for trouble in my opinion and it's inhumane you know what I mean like it's just it's just so unfeeling there's got to be another way but it's big money big big big money in it yeah I just wonder like who would put who would put something like this in place like a lot of people go to jail for different reasons not everybody here is a violent highly whatever offender not everybody here is you know in the maximum like I want to hug my CH you know how many times in the day I hug my children dumb no TV definitely lied to me and I'm mad because I watch and we all know it's fiction but it's just the the the sheer amount of of of mob shows of crime shows of shows that that depict something in prison has has told me for more than 10 years 2014 is crazy so for over 10 years I've watched stuff where it's been like yeah unless you do something crazy in jail and go to solitary confinement or unless you in the max security prison but unless you do something crazy like that you get to at least be in the same room as somebody visiting you that's so the idea that hundreds of prison don't let you be in the same room as somebody as as a free person as somebody that's not an inmate is crazy and it definitely is um something that aids the recidivism rate because when you when when all you see day in day out is this prison and these rules and this type of lifestyle that the moment now now when you do get released that you get free it feels foreign to you it feels it doesn't feel natural and now when everybody feels weird we go back to what's comfortable but now you've made this this this uh weird condition comfortable you've made it familiar so that's what I'm going to go back to and so that to me is is this was there were there were only two like purely shocking parts of this documentary like everything was was heartfelt and and important but there were two shocking things and there was the statistic at the end and that was this because that was this this was crazy to me and this this was the part that made me the most angry um because I'm because first first I was like oh I'm I'm I'm already not going to jail but but I'm definitely not going to jail I'm not I I don't like driving by it now because y' won't get me cause I'm G see my baby I swear God I'm see myy um I'mma swing it back around to something um Dom said earlier about Eva du's documentary um the 13th because all you would think everybody knows Dom they don't I guarantee you if you told a lot of these people that once you go to jail your rights as a human has been suspended and that slavery can be enacted slavery is only abolished if you are free by law you can be considered a slave if you are incarcerated because your freedom has been stripped of you so if we take that concept of course this this is what they're going to do in these prisons because you are no longer considered a free human so they can treat you any way they want to treat you and what did they do to people during um slavery in the first place they stripped you of your Humanity they wanted you to feel less than they wanted you to not even feel like a real person so that you can have the mentality of being in bondage and that's exactly what's going on and I guarantee you if we told more of these young people especially these young black men that you think it's all fun and games now but do you like slavery K said K said act up if you want make it yeah you make it y we gonna handle that ass on it not before we get into these prisoners we are currently have 50 people here in this live and we really really appreciate that it would be great if all 50 of you could hit that like button let me show y'all some love for that as well as those super chats and we will be right back [Music] fellow with demons and relatives I'm a star life is true comedian you got you got to trust them I might be bugging commercials and no sleep introverted by my thoughts children Listen to Deep see Once Upon a Time inside the [ __ ] in G projects the object was the process of dig poverty dialect adaptation inevitable gun violence crack spot Federal policies R Builders and Drug professionals Anthony was the oldest of seven well respected common collect laughing and joking made life easier hard times my crack a 4ye old telling his Nanny he needed her his family history pimping and banking he was meant to be dangerous CL him a and start slanking 15 scrapping up his jeans with quarter pieces even got some hair from a smoker last weekend police working for on me small time Hustler graduated to a brick [Music] on yeah sh shout out to all the all the daddies out there we we need y'all we need y'all and if you didn't know watch watch this Doc and you'll see just how necessary that they are yeah getting into these fathers Keith Frank Alonzo and Mark we meet many but these are the main ones that we focus on um when it came to Keith I wanted to know what Keith did so bad I wanted to know because you see so much presence and potential and key as a person dad probably as a partner that woman she was devoted we going to see him I don't care where you going I'm going I'm cross the states I'm gonna make sure that your presence is felt with our daughter I'm going to reiterate you know this is the s or whatever I'm gonna do that as well as you know do my part as a mom it it was giving lady and waiting I ain't mad at her um I I I was like man like where where where where did you go straight Keith cuz his connection with his daughter says a lot about who he is as a person and as a dad so it just goes to show that you can make one bad decision or have a misstep and end up in there and that connection can be severed so quickly but man man I give us free I want I wanted Keith to be free immediately immediately oh oh oh uh Frank over here child Frank prank was giving me because you could tell uh and which Ian I'm sure you guys can elaborate on also a lot of things here are generational a lot of these uh men here are from the product of a household where somebody was in prison and they keep becoming uh repeaters G mute that keep becoming uh you know offend offenders themselves so it just said a whole lot but for me and Frank and the the relationship he was trying to have with J it was giving me you know those dudes who get locked up and you start contemplate in your life and then you realize what's important and then you want that connection and for the mom it may just be too late don't don't try to do it now it's almost like upsetting like how dare you now now she's important Alonzo oh man you said 14 months bro like oh oh Alonso like it you can really get into them as dads their daughters are a reflection of them and if uh rosiah is a reflection of Alonzo Alonzo was making her feel loved making her feel important being that strong presence of a father in her life as well as that niece and it's like man I just I just wish you know Alonzo had prioritized that or made some different decisions because when we get get to that ending it's like what what why then we have Mark Mark to me was a case of babies having babies um I feel like he became a parent really really young and he's just kind of dealing with life as it comes at at him and this is kind of all he knows and he's trying to figure it out but in the meantime Santana is suffering because they are all growing up together uh okay um one thing I thought about watching this is that I'm I'm glad that the dads agreed to do this show because I know it can it can kind of be hard to talk about your legal issues especially your legal issues while being incarcerated and you have children to deal with at home so um I commend them for their bravery and being able to talk about what they're going through and for them actually not shutting down during this program and for them uh being able to express what they're going through and and and show the emotion behind it and um and allow us to see them being vulnerable especially with their children because that's it that is important for people to see that you can act hard and you can act tough all you want to but once them babies got there and they're about to leave that's enough to break anybody that you're not exempt from being torn away and ripped away from your child and is that not a book straight out of a history book about slavery what seeing children being ripped from their father's arms in this Manner and I think people need to think about that a little bit harder and just stay right in that moment you better use them degrees K uh asley yeah um you know Tyra you talked about it and I think it was Keith who talked about his mama was locked up his whole life and he said when I grow up I'll never be like I'll never be like that and so then to see him perpetuating that exact same cycle uh and hopefully Aubrey breaks free from that right and never goes down that path but it's it's heartbreaking and it goes back I mean to what what Kay said I mean these Cycles are perpetuated slavery to today right and you look at it differently because of course we're looking at it through the lens of 2024 but the outcome is the same families are split apart like you said babies are ripped from their parents uh and then growing up perpetuating it because it's been what they've seen um I say Frank at his big Advanced age should have been a part of his child's life while he was on the outside sir get yourself together and act right you know we see him getting her some jeans and all that stuff but sir be a presence in her life we we ain't worried about the jeans just stay on the straight and narrow Mark I need him to put a lid on it I need him to get a hat for that Jim May okay he and the baby mama they need to cut it out Santana can't handle no more you know what I mean but even then I will say there was a Humanity in those group discussions they put that Pride to the side and they were able to communicate as fathers and I love that and I think Chad was the facilitator right of the of the boot camp um and and I love that because he said you know whether you're right or wrong whether you get out or stay in here for the rest of your life at the end of the day you're still a father and you need to live up to that expectation Alonzo went out bad and it really hurt my feelings because like you could tell his baby love him that love don't come out of the sky he put in work for that baby to have the affection that she has for him uh and to know how that child that one took me down the road so yeah before I come to Dom and D for the people out there who have not watched this Doc and maybe do want to know a little bit about what these men were going through and uh the program to even get into the daddy daughter's dance and why things like this are necessary in prison like Lord um but let's just watch this for a second fatherhood and along this journey of self-discovery some parents mothers don't allow their kids to talk to their um father sometimes it's difficult to communicate through whatever hurt is present the races and generations just content with nothing like when you talking about values and I come in here I be thinking about the value of I don't have nothing out there do you know that just by us being in this room today there's a negative statistic waiting for you those conversations made them become angry with you that the fathers need to be celebrated if you can do a split or a flip just put down your skills cuz there's a moment for you to shine suits and ties and shoes and undershirt so for that moment in time you guys will not be um inmat so so right that's not the that's that's the goal like damn man my daughter going through the same thing that I've been through I never thought it would be like this my mother was incarcerated um a meeting with my probation officer my junor probation officer and she ask she asked me did I love my father oh lord it's just something about saying some black men be vulnerable it it it it it touches me on the inside part it really does it absolutely does but uh Dom after seeing that what what what you what you thought what did you think about these these fellas really really taking that time to soak up everything that that 10-week program had to offer just for them to see their daughters this was and I thought this documentary from a from a storytelling standpoint communicated effectively the the need for the 10we program because when when when when the documentary starts I'm thinking that it's just about the dance you know I'm thinking that it's just about the dance and um really that's it and then when I hear about the 10we program I'm like okay cool I mean I'm GL it sounds cool but then as they roll it out and then you see the statistic you see that's a lot of them haven't been in the same room as their daughter for years months sometimes ever at all and then you see the the so they the psychological aspect of it is is not small and then the idea that they have to be prepared so they can be strong because when when it goes down and this is over they got to be able to help their daughters through the transition like all of that to me was was documented and rolled out very very well to then while I was I was having a whole bunch of Thug tears um but this round table I thought was really important because and I and I was sitting here listening to them and when I was watching it I was list to them and I was like sometimes you want this typ type of conversation happen outside like before they get into the situation um because and and and and it doesn't like when I was in college we had because I went to a pwi and so we had a we put together a thing where it was like a barber shop thing where nobody was getting a haircut but it was like a bunch of black men could come and talk about things where without worrying about you know women or white folk or anybody else like hearing the type of stuff we go through so we can kind of be honest about it and that type those type of conversations need to happen before you get I mean it's great that it's happening here and and is needed here and and but but I wish that we could have these conversations in a in a larger uh amount before we get here because you see how important it is and you see how I forget I think it was Keith but you see how some of them were like you know I didn't I knew that I'm not supposed to go back to jail I know that in my brain but I didn't feel it till I saw my daughter like that type of stuff is is is heavy and I just wish we didn't have to wait till we got here to to deal with it yeah I love it because so often especially with men it's hard to express or it's like a uh that um that thought that they don't they don't want to express all men want to keep everything like no these men wanted to talk they just wanted an opportunity to be heard and not feel judged d uh it's the layers for me I must say again you know I'm watching we're Trucking along um you know at this point I'm like okay enjoying what I'm saying and I think to begin with like I said you know even with the whole idea of the daddy daughters uh Day dance I was just like okay well how does that work do they just suddenly just they just throw them into a room together or like I'm just in my mind like how does this work um and just you know just trying to get a sense of of how this is all going to play out and then once I see this scene pop up I was like um you know as far as what um I mean to quote Ashley you know we cooking with grease now you know a little bit of Crisco in the mix you know what I'm saying I was like oh okay so again the layers the like the the different things we are we are tackling within this program and the different um like just just the awareness that we're bringing because um because if if anything you know men need to have these kind of like as was said as Dom said like this is something that needs to be had regardless uh and uh outside of my family I say as someone who um hasn't always felt safe in a world full the men's shout out to sop Sophia um I um wish I had been given more um opportunities to bond and conect with other men uh in ways that were not um uh abusive um or had some element of abuse involved to it was just like I need to see that outside of the men in my family um there are other you know men and and and young men or boys whatever um in this world and that we all are you know going through things that we can relate and we can actually work through the things that we have been through um and so I love the fact that it was like okay no you got stuff to learn and you have things to figure out and the things you have to deal with you don't get to just you know like you don't get to just like okay well here I am like deal deal with it we got we got stuff to work through so I was actually really proud that this was a piece of um and such a significant piece of um of the film and just the story the program all of that yeah they managed to cram a whole lot in here that I was not expecting like the aspect of these mothers and how uh much Dimension they all have and how different they all are from each other uh a lot of these women they are all different but all kind of going through the same thing and I felt like they were either waiting with the aspect of their significant other two get out to be with them and be a father or that was that static toxic relationship where there was just some deep rooted resentment and I don't I don't carry either way but uh I just wanted to ask the panel would you allow your child to actively visit their father in prison or or mother you know depending if it came down to that how comfortable would you be because with me watching this and seeing how how um how impactful it is for them I couldn't say with a definitive answer that of course I would you know take my babies I really don't know Ashley oh this is hard and you would come to me first so here's the thing you know if if I done if I done laid down in that bed with somebody and Weeden created life barring him being a predator um if he was a good father active in the child's life pre and they had a good relationship um I'd probably do my darnest but here's the thing I jail freaks me out I'm like DM he he said uh he he doors clacking he see the jail it makes him whatever and the the the the checks and the strips and all that I oh it's hard for me but if I had a child um and like I said that father was actively involved in their life and was a good man and he was not a predator right um I would make the effort after seeing something like this and seeing you know the opposite I don't know but then it's like you can deal with another piece of trauma is the visit traumatizing for the baby yeah very hard and complex right I'm glad I'm not in that situation thank you Jesus um but I would hope that if they did have a good relationship I would I would try to Foster that's the aspect of it that I was concerned about like you know it's it's it's real cute when you know Daddy got to do a eight-month bid and we got to you know take that take that trip but eight eight months and eight years is totally different it's a really strong commitment and you have to deal with when we walk out of here and you know what what whatever that may or may not be doing to your child it's just it's really scary to me honestly okay um It's Kind like kind of like a double-edged sword cuz again my daughter is my husband's Shadow and if anything uh like this ever happened to him it would probably be over him over her in the first place he would end up in this situation if it had to do with her and I can't say that I would deny her being able to see him but being that he knows what the conditions are I don't think that he would even want her in a place like this to go and see him act I don't think that he would even like allow that like now maybe this kind of like this dance situation is different because they try to make it more conducive for the children to uh to be around but that regular we just going in for a lockup visit and you know window love I don't think that he would even before that yeah uh D yeah I was gonna say like the problem is like even if I I say this as as someone who obviously is entire adult but I can't say that um even if it was a family member a friend you know really close family friend or something like that if it's if it's a place I want to be they're very oppressive environments and even when you know you haven't done anything wrong this just the feeling when you go in there just like like you just looking over your shoulder or you just feel like you know like they about to get me on the technicality I Ain nothing right just like somebody's gonna find a way to get to get me stuck in here and so um I think just already just it has its own presence and its own just just that the the energy and everything that it gives off is not a place it's not something that anyone will really want to be near um if given the choice um so I do think that's challenging I I think I think it also I do think it comes down to the dynamic though um and you have to also understand what and it's hard to understand that as a parent so I I understand like there's there are there are kind of like levels with that as well but I think ultimately it comes down to understanding like what your child really needs and if it's something that ultimately even though the circumstances aren't ideal can benefit them in some way and they can feel some sense of connection then cool but if it's something that may you know inadvertently add trauma or add this weird you know uh layer to the situation that it may just be best to stay away so it's yeah it's it's a hard dilemma definitely when uh placing this question here I was thinking about Aubrey because we see you know that that desire was strong at first and fan of you know a few years it seems like she wanted to be anywhere else but there uh Dom yeah um PA Aubrey um I it depends because and like like we said and I've said before I don't drive jail um and and and I don't go in I told I tell the partners back home you can't you better not go because I won't come visit you um because because yeah I'm that's like a legit fear of M that I'm gon walk in and they gonna find a reason to keep me and what I'mma do so I won't but at the same time when you have children and and I and I I I can never think of my child outside of the context of the fact that I'm raising a black child and so when you raising children to me you have to strike a balance between protecting your child from the world and preparing them for the world and it so at the end of the day it comes back to like like everybody else said the the relationship you have with with the parent but also the the I think the age and and and development of the child comes into play too because my my seven-year-old not going to nobody's jail that's not what's about to happen um we might be able to do one of these video chats if if we can do remotely from the house um but but you you're not she not going to see that but as you get older and as we talk about it and as we talk about um consequences and we talk about the the way the world works and and how stuff works and and she expresses a desire to do it as she gets older if she's 10 11 12 and and I feel like that might be beneficial to her then maybe um but it just every child is different every situation is different and and and the and like like you said you don't know the impact that's going to have on the child so I think the the context of how old the child is and the relationship with and what kind of prison are you in because I don't what you in for are you you know because in Atlanta the jail is crazy U but are you in one of these white folks jails where you know you getting steak that all that it depends all right yeah and you know we of of course are considering the child but like the emotional toll that this is taking on some of the parents like it's it's just a lot it's a lot it's a lot but it's Grandma can take you because I ain't taking you it's a whole lot but getting into um more of just the the benefits of this program and the value in it there there's you know vulnerability there's mentorship there's purpose and there's motivation 95% there's a 95% of the participants do not return to to prison I was okay why isn't this everywhere why uh K say she don't know I'm G come to her first hey the with seeing things like this and how beneficial they are you would think people will be breaking their necks to add this to you know prison reforms all around the world and we need to it it just begs the question why aren't there more Outlets like this uh and you know a little we know why but I just I would love for I would love for this to be you know an eyeopener to you know there's there's so many ways to reform somebody doesn't always have to be slavery okay ladies and Gentlemen please make sure you are voting in your local elections because these things like this are on the ballot there are some politicians that are in support of uh prison reform and some are not if you are not voting in your local and State uh elections these are the type of programs that you could be voting for or passing over D um this you know what this um and I was going to mention this at some point but I guess it's a good place to say it um uh this along with um the film Sing Sing which I also had the chance to see um they have a their own program but that has to do with um you know stage plays and literacy and um you know performing arts and all of that I believe it's called Rehabilitation to the Arts and um I think the the thing is um when it comes to and and I understand people kind of dismiss it because when it comes to prison they just kind of see one specific image one specific thing and you did it oh well that's what you deserve and that's what you get and da d d da so whatever comes with it take it deal with it suck it up buttercup but the thing is um there are so many opportunities um for with with a couple of exceptions mind you especially depending on the crime but um there are a lot of there are so many learning opportunities um that go uh that go you know unnoticed that go are wasted that are not tapped into at all because what what better because the thing is prison you ain't going nowhere you know you got got the the gym the D the shower like you only got a few places to go we all in the same building so um you can't go anywhere so my thing is it's about since you are in this one solitary space it's about um then unlocking doors in your mind and about allowing your mind to not be trapped in that same or those the the same three spaces or what whatever space you you've kind of relegated to yourself to and I think that's what the importance of this really is it's like really think about your life really think about your experiences look at everything look at the p and that and that's what's so great as someone who's been in therapy for years you know still learning things about myself today that I'm still you know having to understand and work through made a lot of progress and still learning but I think it's more so about that like you know open up the doorways open up the pathways and and helping these men really understand why those decisions were made why it is it has affected their lives now and why why is it worth it even beyond the daughters I mean that's a huge um that's a huge piece of the puzzle but even Beyond them like what do you understand now about yourself that can keep you from returning to this again and so I think that was the the for me that was a huge value um that was the biggest value for me just getting here like unlock this please Don um you know like what was said prison reform in general is just not a priority for a lot of areas of the country and but I think additionally like d said stuff like this is a harder sale because it's the Arts and it's it's it's I think in a lot of people's mind it doesn't it's not tangible it's not a tangible um outcome like you know oh you you went to therapy you went to a group therapy session for 10 weeks is that gonna make a big deal and theide a of like in that gonna make a profit because that's what it's really and and that and that's what I was getting to is that like what K said you you should support you should vote and support that's the that's that's one very important aspect of it it can't get done if you don't do that but at the same time I think you also need to package stuff like this correctly because packaging like oh it helped them and helped daughters is not going to move anybody because nobody cares in in a real sense nobody cares enough to do anything um and so you have to package it like can this make money can this change like if you were to package this like okay so 95% of the people who go through this program don't go back to jail so then give me a statistic of how many of them get jobs how much does that in influx the the local economy like you got to break stuff like that down so people be like oh this is a net benefit to me personally like because when you I think a lot of times when you hear stuff like this all people hear is criminals back on the street and and I and I think that's a hard obstacle for people and it's like no this is a net benefit to the local economy and then if you spread these programs around the country then it by extension the country benefits and so I think you I think people like when when we have when we see these programs people think that oh you're gonna watch the documentary your heart's gonna change because like all of us who watched it our heart didn't change we already were kind of already on this side and it was like oh it was just presented in a way that made us C but I don't none of us were like oh you know on the opposite side and this changed our mind and I think people like this think this documentary is going to change people's minds and I don't think in that sense it will I don't think I think it'll give people who who are ignorant information and maybe they'll be like oh I didn't know and so now I think a certain way but people who don't want this type of stuff or don't see the benefit in this type of stuff I think you have to package it in a way that helps them because because people are selfish sorry oh yeah the um what is it the like prison industrial complex has no desire to implement this on a broad scale right because if I'm not getting 95% of these people back in the jail house I'm losing money I'm not making money but what an amazing program and the fact that these men were on good behavior attended regularly for 10 weeks all about their children was amazing to me because I mean you automatically assume that if someone's in prison there's a lack of um a lack of impulse control in some way right in one way or another there's some impulse issues I mean you want to get that bag you or you know you can't control your your hands your mouth the blicky whatever and so the idea that they said I'm I'mma sacrifice these 10 weeks I'm going to get in here in a place where it's frowned upon to show weakness right and I'm G to shed a tear I'm G to tell the whole truth about this situation about something that's so close to my heart I think that this program is innovative I think it's amazing I would pray that a lot more um facilities would adopt it but we we know what it is at the end of the day it's it's a numbers game it's it's a numbers game but I loved seeing their growth even from the program where everyone's kind of stoic until the end like I said when they're hugging they crying they tying in the ties like CH it took me it took me through the entire gamut of emotion um and and I hope we see more of this absolutely and for you guys just getting here I'm going to run it back I want to run back this video of the girls and then run back this video of the men speaking in their 10we program and then see what happens when we finally get to dance with our daughter my cousin taught me my 1 2 3 4 5 six time tables I'm the smartest one in my class I wish it was I wish my dad was home already next time you go back in jail not going to even share one single tear and when my dad was home she was so nice and stuff my dad not around so I'm the dad everything was important to him except for J why do you want a bom with her while you incarcerated I don't even remember his face I don't remember nothing about my father when I talk to him tell him about my day and I remember he's not here should give us more time on the phone 15 minutes when he's going to be in there for how long she's academically challenged because she struggles on focusing she went on the rooftop and she was she was thinking about jumping off oh Lord um along this journey of fatherhood along this journey of self-discovery some parents mothers don't allow their kids to talk to their um father sometimes it's difficult to communicate through whatever hurt is present generations and generations just content with nothing like when you talking about values not coming here I'll be thinking about the value of I don't have nothing out there do you know that just by us being in this room today there's a negative statistic waiting for you those conversations made them become angry with you that the fathers need to be celebrating if you can do a split or a flip just put down your skills cuz there's a moment for you to shine suits and ties and shoes and undershirts so for that moment in time you guys will not be um inmates on so right that's not the that's that's the goal like damn man my daughter going through the same thing that I've been through I never thought it would be like this my mother was incarcerated um a meeting with my probation office my Jun probation officer and she asked she asked me did I love my father now y'all this dance part for whatever reason Netflix and YouTube wanted to be copyright City and not let me show them people getting together the way I wanted to but I tried to put something together to where everybody could get the just of what this dance did for everyone here [Music] never knew had someone to show me love [Music] [Music] never knew KN never had someone to show me [Music] we all say like we got to get home man we can't come back and all this and all that but that's the day I actually felt like I can't come back to prison no more like I never felt it you know what I'm saying and I and that hurt oh hopefully you guys got the just this dance was everything to see the anticipation of the men waiting in the hall like it I was I was rocking with them like oh my God they coming they coming like because you just never know a lot of these babies hadn't seen them in so long some of them not at all and some of them you know for the dads who went through the program and then you know the daughters uh for whatever reason with the mothers they they didn't come so they just they just had to watch to see them go through the uh emotions of having what they could have in that short amount of time and a lot of the girls just I I even love the activities there like we're gonna make the most of this moment because we're not gonna get like it was we trying to do a billion things at once you know there's drawings there's photos there's paintings we're writing um we're dancing we doing a soul train line we Aubrey so we we getting in our Tim taes like we we're saying everything that we have to say in this moment because we might not be able to say it again again especially to your face and that's when we're not crying so for them to soak all of that up and then have to leave for them to soak all that up um break those walls down like our Santana who was very you know I ain't [ __ ] TI baby soon as she saw her daddy it was that that those walls drop real quick Dy like oh my God like there still that's hope there's light uh even uh Jana she she trying to relate in the moment girl you who hop on who this woman because I'm I'm doing what I can what I got I'm doing what I can Frank um and oh even getting into Alonzo and and and the two girls the niece and rosiah it was it was just so emotional so to know that they they they they leave and to see them you know take off the suit like they look like men they look like men nobody looked like a prisoner they got to be just men and just be fathers just for this little bit of time and you just see why something like this is so necessary and then when they got on you know one KN and they had to apologize and make those pledges to the girls I was I was really touched and really moved and this is when when the thug tear started dropping I was strong up until this point once we got here and they had to say goodbye and these men are trying to hold it together but they're just as emotional as the girls I couldn't take it no more dumb when um when they in the beginning of this dance when they were walking into the gym and Aubrey C because her dad said you know he was like I didn't recognize you because you know your hair is hair is done and Aubrey said she said uh you didn't know who I was and then she was like if if you don't know who I am and I run to you I'm Aubrey I was like I was like this that that got me right there because she like you gonna know it's me this this was such a emotional roller coaster like you said I'm glad that they gave them a lot of things to do yeah but specifically because yeah we get all these memories in this small amount of time but also I think it helped to break the ice because I don't know you um and so us trying to have a conversation right now might be a little difficult because I don't know you and so if you can give us activities is a way for us to connect and and make it and decrease the tension um and so we can get to the happy memories and I like the fact that you like you said they had suits on they had haircuts they they look like grown men they look like fathers and then we don't see them go back to their CES like just the clothes on the floor was was too much for me I was like but the fact that we don't see these people laying in their cell we don't see them incarcerated we only see them as men was was very important and Powerful to me and I and I appreciated that and this this this I I this was so good everybody should see this I I won't ever see this again because I don't need this type I don't need this type of tears in my life oh uh d oh um I felt like I was I was I was doing just fine um yeah and and it was and I think I was even okay when they were walking down the hallway because it was more so a sense of excitement um I would say when um Santana immediately like reverted that was like the first thing then when I saw kaziah and then um the niece also I just was like Lord oh it's it's feel it coming I feel it coming and um and then you know in the in the the dance and all the things they they got to experience and there was this kind of there was a small I wasn't thinking about it in the moment in theory but then as the scene continued on it was just like oh I had this pit in my stomach because I'm like this all has to come to an end at some point um and then when it did it was just like um I think it's one of those things oh oh and let me tell you what what really really got me um when Aubrey said um kept holding her father's face at the end and then she said like okay we're just gonna you know we just gonna say you know see you later because we say bye me you know and and what the reason it made me cry because it's just like not just her not just that sense of hope and idealism as a child but she's like literally hold like she's literally telling her her father like okay we gonna be okay suck it up it's all right okay cool and even when she walks away it's like okay you know she you know like there's so much there's not even like a like really tears from her just and so just I don't know I just that hit me um so hard and and I can't remember which which of the gentleman it was it was the one that I know marked hug but I love what he said um when he said basically like you know because he had he got to just watch because his child couldn't be there um but he said that you need to understand that um you know the the streets don't have anything for us the streets don't love us they do they need us they love us that's like that's that's what that's what we're fighting for basically and I was like well pass the collection plate because that is that that's the word right there like that's that's what it is and they even said something earlier um about how um I think it might have Chad that said it but basically said like normalizing in a sense normalizing slavy slavery and incarceration you know they want this the seem normal for all of us um and just getting beyond that mindset and I'm glad they have the chance to actually feel the loss you need because sometimes and I'm not saying that they weren't still thinking about their children but some things can be out of sight out of mind and so putting it right here Flesh and Blood you know three-dimensional image situation quality time all of that you get to feel that gut punch when they are gone it's just like when you uh tell a child not to touch something on a hot stove and you can tell them all day but until they touch it and feel that pain then they they like okay I need to learn from this and so yeah this scene definitely hit hard child what did it for me was the baby who took that Beyonce I girl that's supposed to be a Vibe a party uh I just W to have a good time you just supposed to step I would never never I like oh baby no let my daddy go never never she she took that Frankie Beverly and Maze and made it her own baby she she in aliz that song yes yeah I'm I'm under no delusions I am a crybaby and I was crying well before this but I will say that the tears increased um up on the exit of the daddy daughter dance now here's the thing right and I was so aware of this throughout the entire time um and that's the idea that sometimes we can go about life um I think especially these men right who've been incarcerated a lot of them most of their lives and think that they're not valuable and that they're not needed and that they're not wanted um and that their impact doesn't mean anything and so I think seeing them together and seeing the impact that saying goodbye had on their babies and we heard the one man say um up until now I had never not wanted to come back like I knew it was always the possibility and that I was willing to come back if I needed to this is the first time that I ever said I can't come back like that's profound and that's wild because you I I I don't know if we get it all the time right that these men just it's not necessarily A lot of times I don't think that they don't want to be fathers or active in their baby's lives but maybe their life is better without me and it couldn't be further it couldn't be further from the truth for a lot of these men y'all it it it yeah it it got me I I can't even say I'm a G anymore because like I said I was already crying before this this just took it to the next level K how many Thug tears did you drop see I'm Still A og triple OG okay I ain't booo C I had that Denzil Glory I had that one that just fell okay that's just that's all that's all I had I let that let that one come down um it it was little Aubrey for me cuz again she remind me so much of my own child who who had coping skills for everybody else except herself and and when she was when she was telling the dad like okay so when she seen her dad distraught because he knew like like this is it time is winding down I'm not going to see you and she's like okay we're gonna take some deep breaths we're gonna we're gonna take deep breaths it's G to be seven years not eight and I'm going to just say see you later like I'm I'mma see you soon and I'mma do be good and you be good like she's like literally trying to hold him up with so much empathy and discernment at her own age that she was putting his emotions before hers at at that age already thinking of of this grown man and how he felt even before her own being able to say I know I miss you as my dad but I can you know I'm going get to go home after this and you're not so I want you to be okay because I get to walk out you you don't so I I want I want to I want to be able to say I can help you to be okay and I don't know what it is about little girls because my daughter is the same way she is just like a second mom to him like I wanted to when it's time to eat you need to come eat no hats at the table isn't it time for us to go are you tired maybe you should go to sleep or may you should hold my hand at this time or you didn't drink enough water you should drink some water or did you eat like always like being mindful of his health and well-being and it's like how are you like this at such a young age how are you like that and I know that had to hurt him to see the person who upholds him so often walk out of those doors and he can't do anything about it oh it hurt me too it it it hurt me it hurt me so much too like even just the notion of Aubrey having to be that I just the adul adultification that happens to black girls in general like it's wild so I really enjoyed the aspect here of seeing uh like someone like a little Aubrey and just seeing even just down to the way that they were dressed like these were little girls I I really appreciated that because people are so quick to age up or feel like oh you know those those black girls they don't they don't need that like they're fine they're they're you know they're they're grown by the time they hit nine no we're not all all these things all of the things are very very NE necessary and the adultification needs to stop and I felt that so much with Aubrey in with rire because somebody would write her off also of you're you're a teenager like get over it grow up just dismiss her mental state and child getting getting into that you know this this of course had to end and we I wasn't expecting for us to kind of time Jump and catch up with these girls and these men three years later now we we got Santana here first freedom freedom baby he he free I'm so happy he's stuck by his word and is doing what he said he would a little bit goes a long way Sana is happy she's thriving there's family and you know a weight is lift weight is lifted off my shoulders the weight is lifted uh de how did it feel to see Santana uh 13 now and see her out there in the world with her father and happy her whole demeanor is you know it's still her but it's different you can tell that something has been lifted off of her heart oh man um it was it was glorious it really really was the thing is like you I I wasn't expecting a time Jump I just figured it was probably going to close out I don't know some kind of way I didn't think it was going to be this necessarily and so um to not only see um not I don't know just not only to see her in a better space and kind of acknowledging that things are better um but to also see Mark um you know also acknowledging look I've been look and and also referencing the fact that like his whole in and out with jail like every six months he was just the the cycle continuing continuing continuing and just to see him not even just with his children but even like when he told the one to stop you know stop running you know you want fish and you know just as a parent actively there and just in the moment I just thought it was I thought it was beautiful and I thought also just um how gratifying in a sense that um he was that happened and I I don't know the specific time he got out but it's just like it's almost like he caught her just in time she was she was she was on the precipice so being able to see her just have that and see that come together I thought that was beautiful oh absolutely not even Santana uh man because we we you know we got to work per usual soon as we touch down it's it's four daughters there and and not three you have four girls you have four daughters sit your ass down Ashley yeah I told you he better not mess up don't don't you mess up you you don't you don't have another time I'm glad you done been out a year or better whatever it was stay out sir stay out and and relax on them baby like okay I said how we got a whole new one like the baby was just a baby and we had a brand new one now but again I I same I was not expecting a whole longitudinal study I thought it was going to be a oneand done I did not know we were going to get the followup but I'm here for a followup because again we they're they're giving us an inside look um at what these young ladies are going through and what these fathers um are going through but I was I was elated to see the family unit reconnected I listen I love a I love a whole family and I I love that he's trying for more yeah trying and I did like to see that in the end he kept his connection with Chad as a mentor like you can tell he's really making a different effort than he did prior love to see it can I say one one thing real quick I realized I totally forgot to say it but Mark was there um at Sundance for the Q&A afterwards and I believe he was there with his family and so he still is still making the strides still doing what he needs to do and he was just talking about how gratifying the experience was and just even be able to look back on it and everything so I'm like oh that's important to say so I just want oh yes it is you you better do that Mark oh hi Mark I love it I absolutely love that it's so good dum man it was this was like a like a deep breath because like like you said I wasn't expecting a followup years later I thought it was gonna be like how biop picks in we was GNA get the text on the screen and pictures yeah and so that that's what I was expecting so to actually see them um at the time I I I was I was it was a breath of fresh air because I was like okay it worked and it was great and we're we're we're doing different things we're looking at things different and we're here we're here with our daughters and we going we we GNA stay here and and I felt like a lot of times that's all sometimes we need is a wakeup call and then a chance we just need a wakeup call and a chance and and I'm glad that he seized his chance after his wakeup call because yeah every six months was wild to me I was like and I was like to me you can't when when you if when you when he said that I was like yeah that's all he needed was somebody to he needed something to wake him up cuz every six months is crazy that's a crazy way you think about life and I think we get to um we assume too much when we look at people who are in and out of the prison system or who get wrapped up in certain ways of life of like well why don't you have the same outlook on life that I do and I'm like you didn't go through the same things I went through and so they so certain stuff is going to hit differently because we didn't go through life the same way and we didn't have the same opportunities and advantages and support systems and stuff like that so for him to be out and stay out to me was I wanted to cheer I wanted to give him a St inovation in my living room because I was like that that's what's up now K coming to you I'm I'm I'm G goone over here to Frank I'm gonna goone over here to Frank because I wasn't expecting this either the thought of her mother falling ill I was like what what what I was like why like why and even though that was uh heartbreaking enough I was like it's just so much more important that you are present with the aspect of her losing a parent in somebody as prominent as her mother I love the the little uh moments we get with her and her mother and them singing in the bed and you just really get to see how close they are but you know it's it's going to be an uphill situation you have to earn that trust I do like that there seems to be opportunity here and she is receptive and there's a willingness with him but it's like buddy come on okay what you think about Frank he got to show up he got to show up with no excuses either like there there can be no excuses no blame game like this is this is it's it's showtime for you um the torch is passed to you it's it's on you the the mom did all she could while she was there and he he's got to step up like there's there's no fall back plan like because if it's not you then who like there is no one else like it it it literally has to be him and I hope that he has the strength and the support so that he can um stand strong for her and be there for her and I really hope that she has the the necessary therapies and support as well to get her through the things that she going through with with both parents she kind of got double whammy in this situation and I hope that those around her understand that and that I hope that she is able to give herself Grace and allow herself to get help and support so that she can work through those things Ashley okay so I saw falling ill and and it gave the Ring of like ominous right but is the L did she pass they didn't say they didn't say but even if that even if she is just you know ill that you you need to really step up and and be that be that bridge right now yeah he does well I I listen I'm praying for Janna's Mama because we need her mama to stay around as long as possible but yes he he got to do right and again it's more than them Jean sir she's looking for him to show up be consistent and get to know who this man is because who are you you know what I mean um and so I really hope that he remains consistent he keeps up with their visits and that they're able to build a bond and that he sticks with it that's my hope and prayer because like Kay said all of these young ladies need to be with somebody's counselor I love that they're a part of that group and they have their sister circles and bonds um but we still do need you know some outside help so I hope that she's getting all of the help that she needs and that he does what he needs to do definitely there's a constant look of discernment on her face like uh so are you really are you really gonna be here for me because don't waste my time D um Frank Frank I what out of anybody Frank is who I wanted to know what did you do what did you do because CA you don't look like you was I I just want to know what you did that's all I just because because it was nothing serious just because I watch too many movies and I watch too much TV and I'm like if Frank was in a TV show he he wasn't on the corner he was he was like you know he was like the uh the accountant for the dope deew you know what I'm saying like I just but he could kill somebody like I just want to know what Frank did so I could get that out my head that was all but yeah he and he kind of was a little stereotypical out of everybody in the sense of like yeah I'm G come out and now I'm I'mma you know with the gifts and the and and all that type of stuff it just seemed like you know these are overtures because we we we don't have a real connection and so um and yeah the way she was looking at him like we G to see we going to see like I'm hoping for the best expecting the worst like that's how she was looking at him and I and I and I when I was looking at her I was like it's so hard to be a parent it's so hard to be a parent because in my mind I'm like because like I said earlier I believe in too late I believe in over with and you as a parent you gotta like kind of put that to the side because you got to give folks a chance and you gotta like and steal that in in children because cuz sometimes it's easier like as far as like in the daytoday it's easier just let me go to school let me be with my friends let me not think about this because these are complicated emotions and it's difficult to deal with that um to get to a place where we we're good and and now if her if her mother is ill I mean her mother didn't seem that motivated to to do it in the first place but now that she's not ill all you know there's nobody that we know of that's like you know encouraging her to make a connection and stuff like that and so I think that you know I pray for them and I hope the best for them in their connection I just hope he doesn't get discouraged and then falls back on Old routines because it's not happening as fast as he wants it to happen that's all them old routines of being in accting D D I am gonna come to you on Rah free my daddy 30 years what did you what did you do what 30 years 30 years I do think this is I think this is the the complication where um I think and it's hard because you want to humanize and not make the crimes the focus but it also puts things into context at the same time so um because I because the thing is yes we can obviously point to the unfairness of the system and I'm I'm not saying I'm I'm pretty sure some of that is also at Play Because 30 is Extreme however I also don't know the circumstances either so um it could be something because if you caught a body right you know oh I got 14 months and I'm getting like it's just 14 months and 30 years like I just thought it was gonna be you know three five 30 they put it in the chat Tyra yeah if that's true wild Lord Mercy we gotta check it what ex excuse me that's wild no because we gotta go back to what we said before because I gotta change my answer because about taking my kid to jail no no you can't no unless the couple was trying to kill my kid no you can't go see your D sorry you can't go see him sorry though what Nah if that's true nah I'm sorry D continue well that sorry that's just through um if that is true that kind of throws things off a little bit um I'm yeah so okay oh gosh um yeah I'm just like I'm trying to I'm trying to okay so let me just say this this is this is objectively speaking because if that's if that's what happened then I'm like consequences are the consequences um I will say I will say this um I do think that um putting aside because my this is my initial thought before um oh I think someone put a link but I can't see it but um but putting aside the actual so let's just say I'm going to say this like I like I didn't know that happened I do think that um it does speak sometimes to what some might deem kind of the unfairness of life and what one needs because some and this is going to sound bad and I don't mean for it to but some would look at the situation with Frank and it's just like well if this was going to be the outcome then maybe like basically I could see some people saying like what what if the roles were revers basically and maybe um and maybe um Alonzo should have been the one to get out and Frank could have just stayed in if it was going to be this kind of dynamic knowing only because J is already shut off there's already not a good Dynamic there and then rosiah is the one who is having all this emotional turmoil and all these issues and all these things and she's the one and and her and her um cousin and his niece um are have kind of dealing with this additional turmoil and so his his presence is is significantly needed um and just and for it to be that um in as far as the outcome it's just like what will that mean for her development and my hope is that you know as K has been saying throughout like I hope that with therapy with Community Support Family Support something um that she can make peace with this um and and go forward from there because that was like a that punch but again if that was really it I'm not going to um sugarcoat the situation and act like oh well these are this is this is these are the consequences that happen and that's that's the ultimate punishment is that it falls down to your daughter and she is the one who ultimately suffers in the same way that um it even feels sad to say that but in the same way that you may have made this these folks suffer um or these children suffer like that that those things come back around so I'm gonna leave it there oh um what I can say is it does look like the Rah that we have here at 18 is not the riah from 15 and you know struggling within herself so heavily to contemplate her life or struggling in in school she she's she a high school graduate she's very excited I love you know getting to see her walk across that stage so clearly there is some support and progress being made on her end but child that that that com me through me for a loop um uh Ashley I listen uh Mall sent me with that one and I put it in the back chat y'all the link to the article and everything because I found it it it you know it doesn't change the love that a daughter has for their father right um it it was heartbreaking though seeing it across the screen and she's graduating like free him and it's like he'll be serving another 30 years and I was like what in the world I was like Y what did he do my goodness um but you're right I she's definitely evolved she is not that broken girl that we saw before it looks like she's running head first into her Destiny and I pray the best for her in her life and that she somehow escapes this cycle right um because Lord have mercy That's Heavy and that's extreme and I think it goes to show that at different ages in adolescence you know we we can't necessarily manage our emotions effectively that's why a support system is key that's why therapy is vital and I think as she matures and goes and you know gets older she's been better able to wrap her head around it I don't know if today at my large age I could wrap my head around that so cud to her and I pray the best for her in her life and I know her mama loves her down she has a great mother from what we've seen um yeah and I just hope she goes on to bigger and better go to college maybe do whatever you want to do in this life what I will say is that that 30 years was because I'm yelling you know what did he do but you know it's only so many things that you're G to do that's going to get you that kind of time and it just kind of woke me up with the documentary because you know everybody in jail or everybody who was part of that program then you know run a red light um okay um so we're going to have to switch uh the the her her the direction of this therapy here um because when you get 30 years we we already know that a body was dropped so so we're gonna have to say this this this free my daddy and we're gonna have to put that away um uh he's going to have a new family in in the prison sale where he is at because he's going to be there a while long enough to form um a whole new Rapport of family at this point they need to be moving her along the process of uh of grieving what was that relationship is not as she's graduating it's time to grow up and live in reality that the relationship that she was longing for for her father is not going to happen at this point and she has to come to a realization of that and heal that part and know it's we we got to move on alone without him um um Ros he's not going to be free he he actually needs to be there okay he he dropped not one but two bodies he he gonna be there and and he Pro as as he he probably should be there we got to heal that and and move on so that she has the courage and strength to put to put what was and the the the fantasy of the father relationship she thought she was had that she thought she wanted or maybe believe she had before and we going to have to live in reality of of what is right now the way I want to be delusional I wanted to be over there with her because I wanted to see what I saw in this man in these tears and who he was as a father I was like oh 30 years even though we we know what it was like oh maybe he got a real real thick Reco charge um can't free the the guilty people oh d d did I come to you I'm disc about oh yeah I I don't know cuz 30 years is crazy uh damn double homicide um it and yeah like like like like K said we got to start talking we got to start talking to the baby especially you didn't graduated high school and you and you we in adulthood now so we have to start talking about consequences long-term effects and what the relationship with your father is going to actually look like like we we we're out of the fantasy of what we want and now we got to be like okay you can still have a relationship with your father it's just going to not look like this um until you're 50 like it's that is the the conversations we got start having now is because it's like you're going to be possibly a grandmother before he ever sees sunlight free again so you that that's the conversations we got to have and it's still I don't think it takes away from the actual dance or the the the things that she went through because I do think that all of that is still necessary I think that that connection and those that hug that he gave both them girls and the crying like and and and that's the the Nuance that we have to talk about now that you're an adult because when you're kids everything is very black and white it's it's my daddy and that's my daddy and and that's it but when now that we're an adult you can save space for both like you can be like he was a supportive person to me individually and he also is somebody who did a horrible thing twice yeah um so so but and those complicated emotions is something that you can um have in you and but we got we definitely we we when you graduate we got your diploma we gonna get some pizza you gonna have a good night and in the morning we go into therapy because you need CA you g need talk to somebody about this because that that's that's that's a very deep wound that's not going away and so that that that was hurtful um 30 years is crazy I was hoping that he was like Frank Lucas you know what I'm saying like he was doing some drug stuff in the game he was calling shots like he get Paro 15 like that's what I was in my mind I was get at 15 you know look I had to save our girl for last because she she's the one who uh H hit the hardest it's it's not it's not quite 30 years but it's not seven either a decade can feel like a century for a girl the transition from age five to eight was very telling 10 years disinterested regressing and disappointed oh Aubrey like what happens to a dream defer does it dry up like a rais in the sun oh like with with uh the dad Keith being um in the inside in his most prevent memories of Aubrey being before he went in before she was five there is this uh and that's just uh dads who AR is present in in the in outside world too whatever you leave them as that's what you imagine they're gonna always be she's gonna always oh this is you know this is g no it it it we we kind of saw it happening um I think because they they do like a year jump with with au like it was slowly you know that that this interest just like I'm not I don't I don't I don't want to talk on the phone I don't I don't want to go I don't want to I don't want to acknowledge Him in this space just see me happy birthday and let's just move on why is that man's pictures on the table like she I I love the dock and getting to see Aubrey and Santana or um J or riah especially in the case of jna or um Santana uh is like kind of a pre preview to what Aubrey could be or what she could uh escalate to because it just she just she just looks so broken and just so disappointed that it's not even like because you know seven years is seven years and 10 is 10 too but it's not just about that mentally what you know for as you know intelligent as she was when you really settle into what seven years is and you know I'mma come out when you're a teenager you know it sounds real real plausible at four and five and you know Daddy I can for you forever yeah it's it's giving fairy tale but once we get you know of a certain age and we're seeing it for what it is seven years is a long time and they they say that she um at this point the three she hadn't seen her dad or touched him interact since that dance like that that's the last thing or interaction that we had they've moved him you know several several States over and just to hear the disappointment in his voice that you know during that visit like she just wasn't engaging with him and then that phone call in the car like yeah uhhuh whatever I I I I don't care I was like oh I just I just see what Aubrey is becoming due to this situation and I just hope that that may may her May her mother be a bridge and everything that she needs in this moment and all that she can be because she she's GNA need it she's she's hurt Ashley yeah I mean at seven you can't fully wrap your head around it and she had seven in her mind baby it wasn't he said well baby hopefully seven she said no seven it'll be seven because I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing for it to be seven right because with her it was about these conditions if I can just do this then this will happen here and I I hate that disappointment for her I I hate that and I really wish there could have been a conversation that said baby it's not about whatever you do you know and and I I get it as a way to you know keep her on the right path whatever but it just sets up false expectations and I hate that cuz it's like she got set up for the okey dooke and I think again the super tears came in this moment because you saw her light go out like oh my gosh this bubbly excitable child who's ready to share her knowledge with the world honey talking about her daddy and how much she loves them to okay yeah like her countenance completely fell like oh my goodness but this is a part of it this is what this looks like and I hope when people watch this documentary men women everybody um that they they remember her and not saying her life is over because she seems like she has a strong mother and and hopefully she has resources that'll help her get through this but baby that Mark is it's indelible that feeling of loss um and that disappointment that's not so great disappoint o Ms can stick with you for a lifetime and I I feel like this this unending waiting like you said it feels like forever in a in a child's years this has been forever and he's still not home so I don't want to talk to you to get home because everything I did didn't work you know what I mean so and and it almost could become why do I try going forward yeah you know and I hate that for her and the same can go for Keith like I'm sure that connection is what was keep him going in there as well so if it's taken away what what does that mean for him as well like it's just it's just a terrible situation Dum yeah what what Tyra said about how how children change is so true I sent just this summer I sent my daughter away um to be with my mom for a month she was only gone a month and when she came back I was like who are you like you didn't grown you you speaking differently like who taught you this like it's it's the the the the rate of development and change and and the impression of their surroundings is so rapid at that age and and also my ma my math ain't I'm not I'm not I'm not a mathy um he got 10 years is it 10 years from when she was five or 10 years from when she's eight so is is it 15 or 18 that he gonna get out I think it's I think it's 15 I think so not that that's making it any better no no no it's go it's goingon to be down bad regardless but if if it's 15 then I'm hoping because like she'll still be in the house you still got some time of her like if he come home and we all in the same house then I feel like that you know earlier is always better you know earlier is always better but just I just feel like from a kid from a kid who who made the decision not to deal with their parent I just know that once you turn 18 c you can't make me do nothing so just the fact that you can't make me I'm not doing it um and so I just I I worry about I worri about aubre that this was the point in this documentary I I had to rewind um because I was doing something else I I was cooking while I was watching it and then they they jumped all I saw this little girl in the car not want to talk to her daddy I'm like who's this little girl they don't want to talk to her daddy in his car and I was like surely not surely not my precious offer there no way I heartbroken uh D yeah so um this for me was probably the most devastating part of the documentary and it was such a sober way to end it uh because that it comes a point for um I won't say every person but I think there comes a point with that when it comes to that whole Bridge into adolescence you know and adulthood and all that I think there comes a point where something comes along to disrupt your sense of innocence and that sense of hope and that sense of idealism you have about the world um it kind of reminds me of if anyone is seeing memor of AA there's a point where um the older syi says um that the heart dies a slow death shedding hope like leaves until nothing you know till there's nothing left and nothing remain um and I think that's I think what was so devastating is that it's like no matter how much hope you have the world your circumstances so many things can shift that and then all of a sudden you you don't get the chance to be that hopeful idealistic child anymore you kind of become something else um and you can't believe you can't you don't have that sense of um you just you can't see the world the same way anymore um and it also reminded me for anyone one who may or may not have seen into the woods there is a song at the very end called children will listen because it's basically about fairy tales and the idea happily ever after and how a lot of those things are a fallacy and what it comes down to what how children hear and see things um and the final Psalm basically says that you know be careful what you say be careful what you do because children will listen and they will see and learn from you how to be and how to approach the world and they basically equated to a spell and like be be care of the cast you spell excuse be careful of the spell you cast because your children will listen and they will become what you teach them to be and um and I'm not saying this is what she'll become but she's kind of been taught disappointment and she's been taught you know these things um that go against what she was before so yeah for me it just it hit hard and I also relate to that in a sense because you know um yeah because it's just you get to a point where it's just like you know you can you can almost see what you used to be and how youed to understand the world it's just like that's just not life and it's kind of preparing yourself for the disappointment of Life which I think in a lot of ways is sometimes the most painful thing of all okay um I think we need to look at depression and children a whole lot more um see this is how I knew my my my child is not going to survive like that cuz he be at work too long and her anxiety is through the roof like she she can't even handle a day and for that many years that would that would crush her whole spirit and I can see that's what ha what's happened with with Aubry there the first man that she found love in is not there for her he's not there to celebrate her birthday he's not there to take her to father daughter dances he's not there for honors night he's not there for parent teacher night he's not there to take pictures on the first day of school like if everybody else's parents and stuff he's not there for the sporting events and all of that and that was her person and when you don't have that person who you put all your love and stuff in and we already saw before that she internalized it as if it was something that she had control over so she's internalizing all of this this is impacting her own selfworth in this this is a breeding ground for depression and if nobody does anything about it this is not going to be good for her when she hit them teen years when those when that Rush of hormones creep in they're going to be watching out for her to be the next person on top of the roof if they don't get a handle on it right now okay no Aubrey Mak Aubrey you you you girl you got a lot to give to this world don't you dare like I hated to see Aubrey spark go out but it's this this this some hard truths getting into the to the ending of this doc and child getting into the the the ending of this this live because Alonzo uh closing thoughts for me after watching this I was like I would love to see uh this reflected on to some sons and see uh programs like this for boys because we know a lot of you know learn Behavior or systematic things esec especially prison is reflected on to boys in a very harsh way so I would love to see Sons if if that's possible or that's even a thing I that's what I took away from this I would love to see that I'm probably going to cry but I want to see it Don what about you what did you take away from this um like I said I like we' talked about the um this is like I think we talked about it before like offscreen but this was this whole documentary I think was a good um solution to recidivism um the idea that once you go in and you get out and you're so likely to go back um and then we don't really have too many effective ways to combat that the idea that we have something that's 95% effective should at least be studied and replicated in some sense and so obviously we want to um stop people from going to prison in the first place um but I think that I think different problems have different solutions and so the idea of stopping people from going to prison is a problem that needs a solution but the idea of people going back if if they are men and they have daughters and we can Implement something like because this this program can't be that expensive um I just refuse to believe it's that expensive I just feel like it's something necessary that we could did some advocacy groups and some some some voter turnout could could put an effect on on a larger scale and then I I want you know I want everybody to get some help I want everybody to talk to somebody and I want like like Tyra said this to some version of this to be implicated on young boys but also after this I want some um after care basically like after this we need some followups we need we need to to to walk you through like the documentary checked back in uh a year and three years later but I need y you know these these these disc discusss and these people to like check in with you and follow you through so so the support is consistent uh because we already know that if you if you have a parent that's incarcerated you you lacking on at least some necessary support so that's all but but the documentary is very good it's very necessary and we need to show this in schools we need to show this as some investment groups everybody need to see this everybody need to see it okay um a gratitude for me um shout out to the Tony pounds I'm G give him an extra hug when I see him this weekend because I could have been any one of those kids in this documentary I I could have easily been any one of those because there was um the four of us and by the time I was nine my older sister had a child so there was not the four of us but then also a baby anyway and a I don't know if my mom could have dealt with all of us by herself without him being there and then not only him being there for us but again the grandchildren as as well and how easily it could have been and and what my life could have been or how could have turned out if I were one of those um young ladies in this video so um a shout out to all the present fathers and and I hope that men other men see this and like if they see that there is a a deficit somewhere where there is a little girl around them their niece their sister um their granddaughter their their their their stepdaughter their goddaughter um step up and and and fill those shoes because they need you there ditto Ashley yeah I just need everyone to watch it and and I think because more more than anything that it did I think it could enable people to have more grace for people and how people move in the world and how um you empathize and relate with people because we've all met these little girls grown up right we've all met versions of them potentially we've been some of them at moments in our lives um and it all comes from some place so I I would hope that after watching this um we could be more open and more Mindful and have more grace um again I wish the best for all of these babies I want to see more like this more programs I agree Tyra for both boys and girls because Sons need their fathers too and we don't talk about that a lot in black and brown spaces um at least on on TV that I've seen in terms of of documentary of this kind so I want to see more of it and I'm hoping that with the platform and all the people I know who watched it now that it's on Netflix that it begin more conversations like this thank you for hosting this Tyra thank you for bringing it up honey because this was y'all know I got a spreadsheet and this was not on my radar initially so thank you Tyra d uh so first um definitely want to shout out uh Angela Patton because her girl power her girl power her girl power her girl power her girl power is definitely bringing um the community together and making an impact um in the community and I just just thought that was such a beautiful thing and even with her um referencing you know like she's like I'm 48 and my father is 80 and how even you know because even in you know in in a different situation it could be something where it was just like oh my father wasn't there so this is why I was like nope this is the impact of what my life has been at my you know very very grown age where my father even at 80 is is there for me and showing up and so I just thought that was just so beautiful just the way she even um brought this to the Forefront and one other thing I wanted to say because I promise you as soon as I saw this and this this this clicked off I was like okay I think this might be my favorite film of the year and I know it was only January but I'm like I don't know if there's another film that's goingon to hit me quite like this and sing sing has gotten close but still daughters just has hit in such a different way um and what I will say um I think initially I thought it was Janna's mother but I don't think so I think it was someone else because I feel like she was referencing someone who might have been in jail at that point when she was speaking but um one of the moms was basically um came forward and she was basically saying like I just wanted to reiterate that you know with us as the moms despite what we've been through and you know no matter the situation we're going through with the fathers and all that kind of stuff ultimately we are hurting our children when we don't step out of the way um and when we don't allow um you know when we don't allow um that connection or we don't allow them to have that experience and she also um referenced the fact that um just understand that some of these men are out here um doing what they can for their children whether it's behind bars and some of them are doing their best to make it out of that situation and doing what they can in spite of all of these um obstacles in the way and so basically it was just it was beautiful because it was uh her and some of the other women recognizing some of the things they did to also contribute but also what they had were able to learn from it and walking away from a sense of um with a sense of clarity and a sense of healing and perspective so I love that too yeah it sounds good you should record you can't record stuff at Su dance or is that against the the policy sometimes it depends on where we are I would have loved to have want you know have seen that but you know as usual you guys have been amazing the panel is always amazing let me uh play you play play your little little love and then we're going to come back and let you know what we got coming up and we're going to get out of here thank you guys for watching we be right back girl black girl you black girl if you black girl if you black girl you black girl you black girl your thing do your thing do girl [Music] [Music] [Music] all right Dum I am gonna come to you first let the people know to come on over there and watch your alien video Yeah screen static I got but hey look alien ramulus is man I'm telling you I love this movie um I went I've already seen it twice my review was up go check out uh my review alien ramul list I Got U my review of um strange darling a new thriller that comes out this weekend is gonna come up tonight um and then week coming up we gonna see the crow this week and we're going to go see uh blink twice the Zoe the movie Zoe kravis directed this week so check out for that over at screen static you heard what the man said uh D I'm gonna come to you next hey everyone this is d movie Man fellow copile popcorn addict and emerging film critic coming to you with reliable Recaps reviews and reactions at this point you should know what time it is but if you don't that is basically the summation of what I do over on my channel I love discussing all things film I love diving into the occasional uh theatrical trailer I also enjoy discussing um the occasional uh television series much like a lady in the lake and love is blind currently with these some of these wonderful ladies you see here today I also had the chance to go to NYC and there I had to the chance to navigate um a very massive theater and uh see the AMC screen unseen film which turned out to be skin care starring uh Elizabeth with banks so please feel free to check that out I definitely switched up the tempo with that review um something a little bit different um as far as what you see uh within the review so there's that and then I also plan on doing something um currently in the works uh to uh highlight the film Beetlejuice ahead of its release I believe it's maybe next week or the week after that but yeah I'm GNA dive on dive into a little bit of um interesting history um as far as that film so tast you know please stay tuned um support d movie man at my official YouTube channel and I would love to have you yeah thank you thank you so much d uh Ashley hey y'all y'all already know what it is tomorrow night is a special night okay Tyra is celebrating her birthday and we're dressing up so come over that's the most important thing make sure y'all are subscribed to everybody hit the notification Bell but that's the thing I want everyone to show up for tomorrow 7:05 715 Eastern Standard Time be there or be square said that's it that's all of it show up hurry go okay oh absolutely I was about to say the same thing tomorrow y'all need to come back here and be ready to laugh be ready to have a good time we going to celebrate the struggle reviews Tyra tomorrow for her birthday and you know we're going to show out okay we going to be on this panel cutting up having some laughs having a good old time okay um Friday Belair Saturday horror panel and Sunday a very very very special episode for the season finale of L in the lake okay anytime you say very very special episode I just think of that episode of Different Strokes with the bike man not Different Strokes you know them old school very very special episode that's the first thing come to my mind when they give you a little a little PSA the beginning this is a very very special like oh what's about to happen watch this with your children heard what they said please be sure to be back here tomorrow to sell it to celebrate with me like celebrate what my birthday I am really really excited and we we just gonna have a really good time a really like a real good time and talk about a great film as well you know it's not just celebrating a birthday we are going to talk about Waiting to Exhale and oh baby the layers of things we could talk about there with that one film you do not want to miss that and of course course be there for those killer con Saturdays and lady in the lake Sundays we would love to see you there thank you so much for watching this video and we will definitely see you tomorrow y'all have a good night [Music] [Music] you