H-Hour Podcast #94 Steve Bate MBE - Paralympic Gold Medalist

Oh avoid legal snacks by telling people they're being recorded you were being recorded Steve yeah it popped up on my screen I've had I've won cast on and he was calling the French cheese-eating surrender monkeys which is arguably worse than swearing all right yeah I'm not long at she's back from a ride I was merely riding my bike round and then an alarm went off on my phone to say you got a podcast podcast with humor in an hour and all right oh dear I'm at least half an hour away from home so it had to hightail it back home so yeah when you message to say it'd be about Kim in a play over that's fine mate that's all good I envy people in the sticks parents living in Valley in South Wales you obviously haven't Scotland with I'm assuming next two mountains no I'm a I live in hit them bridge now so yeah so I'm kind of just North Lipton bridge just between kind of Manchester and Halifax and I lived in scorn for 12 years but since I've been on the British Cycling Team I've had to move closer to the velodrome but obviously didn't want to live in Manchester so this is going to like yeah good yeah exactly so this is like a good halfway house oh well the velodrome there's obviously a Manchester and my pilot Adam who I ride worth lives and lead some kind of halfway between the two so it works out well I'm gonna have to gun the bell Joe and I can jump on the train or ridin about two-hour ride and then you know when I'm riding with Adam or racing with that I can jump on the train and get the his in about 45 minutes so so yeah it's quite say yeah yes quite a nice pot really it's not Scotland but hey you know that's not too bad well what's that feeling like Steve where you're not in control of the bike someone else's because I I as someone who rode bikes and the speed they co-wrote cycling and the speed they go mate I like road bike in frightened because the speed you get up to and just thin the tyres are just the margin for error is a lot less and then the way you have to do it you have to put all your faith in someone else to point you in the right direction and understand you going twice as fast like no not twice as fast that I really know it's faster yeah it's an interesting one you know I get some I get asked a lot and I think I think there's definitely two kinds of people in the world there's people who can let go with the controls and ride on the back and there's people that definitely can't and Adam is definitely who is my pilot definitely count right on the back of a tandem it's just not you just can't do it freaks them out you know it's crazy I remember we had a really bad crash in the in the build-up to the World Championships in 2015 so the year before the games it's the only time we've ever crashed on the road we're coming be under the sand and we had a double puncture during about 50 mile an hour so we yeah we hit the deck and it wasn't it wasn't too pretty but the part was pretty trashed so a week but you know it wasn't a pair but three weeks later we were racing and Switzerland at the World Championships and the it was literally the course went round the bottom of the hill up to the top of the hill and then back down the other side of the hill lot almost like a triangle grandma's mountain and I remember when we when they closed the course for training we got up to the got up to the top of this climb which was absolutely horrific and then we started descending and we hit about 70 mile an hour I think on the descent and obviously when I'm tucked and point out am I can't I can't see anything you know I can't I can't see the you know very well at the best of times but certainly with my head stuck right behind his backside I really can't see a thing and as we're descending in our kit you know you can feel the can feel of speed build and the winds start to get your ear is you know it's pretty exhilarating I kind of had this floor I were thinking I don't know I don't actually know what's worse being on the back out of control or being the guy on the front who was in control you know in a very it's a very funny thing you know it's like on the back I you know I've got my job to do which is think single life is a feather and don't don't move on the bike you know keep my weight central no rash movements you know don't look around or take pictures or any of that sort of thing but then you know on the front of the bike I've got all my trust and Adam but Adams got the responsibility to get us both down the hill as fast as possible as safe as possible you know so he's his job as far far harder or I think the mindset on the back yeah it's you know it's interesting I think the very first time I rode without him when we first met and I think about I think it was January 2014 and we got on the tournament road I mean Adams a very experienced and the pilot being riding a tandem with his dad since he was about 13 being right up on the front she was about 14 so you know tell over 15 years of riding on the front of a tandem and that's you know that's not a given you know not everyone has that experience and you know he's a new as soon as the road for me was you know it was just like the next level of anyone else I've ever written wish and yeah and you know like he sort of written with innocence and you know we we have a great laugh doing it and it's um yeah good craic but you know the thing is when we when we have crashed which is only the ones he came off a lot worse than what I did because I landed on top of them so you know think about you've got all that yeah I've got no control but I've got a good cushion who sits in front of me so when it's not a little bear being out of control mate and not being anything where you go because anything he hit he's gonna hit first and then have you know 80 kilos a bloke come up behind him pretty quickly so yeah it's interesting but thankfully touchwood mate we yeah that we don't crash too often which is a bonus is toku on this year oh no mate now it's been postponed so yeah they pushed it back a year so it's now push back to the 24th of August next year 2021 still gonna be 2020 games yeah well we'll see me it's not it's not you know they've announced the date but they haven't said whether or not it's actually gonna go ahead I think still a bit of chat around if there's a vaccination for this covert and without vaccination they are kinder I've sort of said it's probably pretty unlikely to go ahead so at the moment I'm I'm not sure where my cycling career ISM we're it's place you know we haven't got any races and the calendar until March next year and that's back in Rio and Brazil but I mean I don't know if you've seen the state of Brazil at the moment but that that cop in this code would think pretty bad so what's going on I'm not sorry it's just there the president of Brazil Condor is a I guess it's a bit similar to a Trump character and just kind of went to a bit of a denial processes you know this isn't going to affect us and hey lo and behold it's affecting everyone mate so yes it's got a pretty bad day at the moment so I'm not sure um you know by the time next year comes around March next year the you know the you know the the advice would be to travel to South America I'm not really sure we'll just have to wait and see you know as you know there's so many things up in the air at the moment and now our El racing calendar isn't really a priority which is you know which is the right thing but you know when it's when it's what you're doing it's your job and it's pretty pretty frustrating but hey this people I always said there's people a lot worse off mate people are dying and big numbers so me not racing isn't the be-all and end-all of the world at the moment so yes just one of those things just gotta roll with the punches and we'll play it out and see what happens what should train you see when you like offseason when ya when you not build up to a competition I suppose you're always been to a competition in some aspect we're in you're miles off like this what's your training routine what you do out on the road and we ride the track you know that's kind of like a summer and a winter taking care of so you know during the races you don't really have you know probably have a week during the end of the winter season so probably a week in like into March early April like completely off the bike and then we're back on it to build up to the summer and then you know after the summer we might get a week or two weeks off depending on how the race schedule falls you know I mean we've had we're two months off before and we've had no time off before at the end of the summer season just kind of bounce straighten for the straight to the track season so we're at the moment it's you know there's not a lot going on really it's kinda it's a bit weird we you know we were only six months away from again so we're you know building up to you know we're both please fit at the moment and go you know we're going pretty well and then all of a sudden you know kind of like eight weeks later you just kind of like ah you know nice to have a beer and chill out and eat pizza and not you know be normal for a bit which is you know which is nice but that only lasted so long because you know even though the games are postponed and we don't know racing in the calendar you know it's crying - you know Fitness is always there and if you let that go too bad then you know the hill at the other end of that - too hard to climb and and certainly when you you know when you're pushing 43 it's some hills getting bigger so got to stay pretty so yeah I'm still I'm still riding mate I've got a lot on the turbo at this lockdown period but just starting to get back on the road so it's yeah it's all all fun and games I suppose part of difficulty might must be staying motivated for it you know when I was a kid just three competitions some athletic stuff I hated training he was the payoff was the competition flippin love competing see rugby yeah how are you finding out how you find the mental side of it mentally I've been there I've been pretty good to be honest I think I think you know it's starting to get pretty um pretty full-on in terms of you know that the talk around the team and stuff about the build up and obviously there's still team selection to go so you know your kind you know Adam and I run with the pitcher because you've got a good track record and with you know with some with being on the podium pretty much every race I think since Rio so you know like we're a competitive tendon but but you know there still is I think there's there's eight male spots with I think probably 16 or 17 riders going for those spots so you know there's you know these are your teammates but it's fiercely competitive so it's kind of nice to not be back in that you know to turn that off for a bit and not have to be stressing about if you kind of qualify or who's who's the team that's going to be going and all that sort of stuff so like I say it you know it's pretty rare that I get a chance to properly be human you know just being normal just just be a guy who you know can have a beer for one or do you know do kind of what I want and you know most of the time you know that's the thing people don't get as an athlete it's kind of a 24/7 job you know everything you put and you know and in your mouth kinda makes a difference whether it's good or bad and so it's kind of nice just to not have to worry about that and not stand on the scales every day and you know not zero to power meter all the time and yeah it's quite quite nice talk me through that process of the of the build-up to the selection talks to talk about the 26 2016 1 2016 games and what was any first games they did yeah yeah yeah what was that like what was the press what was the pressure like building up that selection the selection really because I had a man I started racing kind of two and a half years before Rio on the on the kind of world stage and we hadn't really we hadn't really done an awful lot in terms that had an awful lot of success and you know it with so the basis of the way that kind of tier system works giving ideas you've got the Paralympics of the obviously the the fellowship event and then you have World Championships which happen every year which is for those rainbow bands those iconic rainbow structures and cyclists and then below that you have a World Cup Series and to qualify to the games you have to score point at World Cups so yeah top 10 places and World Cups give you points and it's you know whatever it is three you maybe have to qualify three hundred and fifty point over cycle to qualify your place in the team so LM not returning up to races and you know kinda getting a bit of a ticking not really getting on the podium was all new you know I was brand new too I've got a rock-climbing background I wasn't there you know athlete's were Adam Adams always been historically a phenomenal cyclist so it was really hard for me at the start because it was Adam who's already like at an elite level like you know and cyclists and I'm the guy on the back I just felt like I was letting him down every time we race because I was rubbish you know because I just I was brand new to everything and so yeah so the leader was was a bit weird we started getting on the podium a bit and you know we went a couple of time trial bronze medals and then you know sneaked the silver in and all of sudden going into kind of 2015 was a bit better and we you know we did pretty well but as I mentioned earlier we bombed out massively there was you know and that was supposed to be like a the last big road event before the game so we're pretty you're pretty bummed after that because we you know we've got an absolute kicking and then we would you know would you you broke up then as you were talking about the games so which games what happened to that games all it came back home and you said you were bummed out about it so I won so at those those worlds in Switzerland you know we just after we crash and stuff and we just we were just miles off where we needed to be so we kind of came away from that and that was the last big qualifying event before the games for the road and you know we had two events on the road and one on the track so it was a bit um was about hard to take and I guess at that point we were kind of looking at each other going well just actually really going to happen you know we're going to get to a games or it was just you know not a waste of time but yeah so we had a massive of winter training and we we actually ended up out we end up losing our coach he left the squad and we had our teams physiologist start coaching us got him down Hinchey who still is our coach now and he he kind of turned it round really trying to have a good look at both of us had a good check for working day she said you know both you need to pull your finger out you know I don't think we were doing anything wrong it was just the way we're being coached and he was like that was too way too soft you know any you need to work a lot harder than that so and both of us were up for that so yeah the kind we went to the track World Championships and Monte carry in Italy and 26 and we've been through a pretty harsh target well realistic target not harsh from British silence oh you know listen you have to ride or that's from a standing start that winning time your London 2012 [Laughter] your honor you you were at the point talking about you've been given a harsh target yeah harsh at the time but we basically had to achieve this target or a sell our hope or dream of going to the games was was a non-starter so so we went out two months ago actually we went quicker than what we were expecting to which was absolutely incredible and and I thought it was the first chance we're going to get a world championship middle and we actually we qualified third fastest so the last four riders go into the middle ride off so the fast was to ride for the golden of silver and then the third and fourth right for the bronze and we were racing the Canadian tandem and we were a second quicker than a second quicker than them and them and qualifying and and they beat us in the final so we came forth which is obviously a really place to finish you know just outside their middles when you're that close but I think that was enough to show the guys that British Cycling that we were you know if we keep working at the rate we were we could be competitive at the games and then we went back onto the road after that and we have won World Cup and Belgium which was the last election event and we had to get on the podium there on the time trial so we've got a bronze medal there we didn't have a great ride but we got a bronze medal there so yeah and then it was kinda yeah that was so that was I think the end of May and then we had to wait till end of June before you before you even know if you've got selected and so he had that and that kind of treated call from the team manager and and thankfully for us it was yeah you've got the nod and then and then literally it went it just went into overdrive training like I thought it was hard up until that point and then it just got ridiculous you know it's just I remember six months out I can just remember every day getting out of bed and my legs ate you know and I you know I had another drink for a year and alcohol it drinking you know I was watching one of the eating and everything was just so I just turned into this recluse who never went out you know never did anything besides ride my bike or you know eat and sleep I just was an absolute zombie and I remember like we go into what's called a holding camp before the games which is a new port and whales next to the track and so the week before we arrived and Rio with two weeks and was holding camp and I remember arriving at the holding camp and the head coach at the time saying oh how you feeling unless it mate I'm absolutely knackered you know I'm absolutely knackered and and it's all good that's exactly where you need to be because if you're feeling amazing now we've got this all wrong and you know we need you we need you to be feeling amazing in two weeks time not now so that's good we've got you exactly where you want you and and I think just that kinda that a chair really changed my perspective on you know it's like all right okay yeah these guys these guys actually know what they're doing not that didn't think they did but you know everything was about believing in the process and yeah and I think after I kind of relaxed and you know that holding camp was super relaxed which was amazing here we have formal weather you know I mean you put it was hitting 30 degrees it was outrageous yeah I was so good and so without you know riding the bikes out on the road and and during the day and and I said I think the game-changing moment came out of and I when we had our race they'd run through in the Newport velodrome and it was the same day that they allow public to come in and watch our training session so they were probably you know Newports not very good velodrome they're probably 100 people in there maybe watching you know watching us fast around a track squad which you know there's not other and happening when there's just one one team on the track and you know there's a lot to rest and recovery and all the sort of stuff that people must even think of we're a joke that Adam and I got up to do we make it a full race day rehearsal so oh well race KITT the race by race wheels and it you know you just never train and that sort of stuff you know it's all like Top intubation for the Olympics or Paralympics because that's all you know kind of like SuperDuper stuff that you get there you get for that and and at that point you put it on a marker as to you know how fast you can go or you know or a marker for the games you know like in two weeks time and I remember we got up and we rode and it went pretty well the little win pretty well and as we're rolling round front you know I trying to slow down to come off the track I looked up at our coach Stan and and just sort of you know kind of went like you know how was that because no clock up or anything so we didn't know you know that everyone's clapping and it's a dude on the microphone saying up the plane Adam BB you know it's like there are going to be hopefuls and stuff and you listen to this stuff and just kind of laughing and and then kind of gave me the thumbs up and when we went by the time we slowed down and rolled into tracks you know there was a bit of a bit of a buzz going on and the traction through the coaching staff and support team and it was just go like uh must be some good news you know like so maybe maybe some kids arrived we're waiting for something that we came back in and we've just broken the current world record so we just smashed it by two seconds you know and and it was funny because we've rolled in and I said to Dan hell was that and he just he just said to me 409 at that time the current world record was 411 and that was it at altitude you know which is supposed to be stupid fast so then you start to think well maybe we've got a hope for getting a medal here at least gangs you know maybe this is you know maybe that maybe we do know what we're doing you know you know two and a half years it's a quick journey to go from being a rock climbing bum to being an elite you know kind of world-class athlete so you know I remember the head coach just saying like he walked over and like mate that was a great ride boys you know well dunya that's actually fantastic this goes no further no one knows about this I don't when you're telling your wives your girlfriend's family no one knows about this recalculating well no about this because you know obviously if the media media get hold of that you know sort of you get a lot of attention which is what you don't want you know you just want to be in your own bubble focusing what you know on what you doing which is why you're in a holding camp so they can keep the media arm's length so yeah it was really funny actually cuz I remember writing we wrote back to the hotel for lunch and I rode out with one of our care is one of the guys massage guys and stuff name a man who's there like it was an absolute legend you know he's been there done it when it comes to biking he's raced at the very high level himself and he's just he's one of those guys who doesn't know like never really Faizal never really says a lot but his words come weighted if you know what I mean you know they're like when he when he talked you listen you know that's that's how it kind of works with Amon he never gives you a load of advice but when he get you know when he's willing to give it you listen and an element I'll arrive in a la sort of talking obviously we're going you know we're just you know we've just written the fastest we've ever written in our lives bus and they weren't ever gone before and we were doing that for lunch you know you know Rosie talking and you know digging ourselves up and stuff and Amon rode up next bein just he rented listen kid in one all yet and you know that was lit and it's just like bubble burst and you know and the thing was he was absolutely right you know it was still two and a half weeks to go before we had the race and a lot of things can happen in bright racing in two weeks you know so it was exactly what you know he read it personally it's exactly what I needed to hear you know we haven't won a thing we've done a time which no one knew about and it didn't you know and big scheme it didn't really matter you know for the following day you know we had a horrific ellipse to do and you know I have two extra Hill which I was really I guess I really cemented into me like the work hasn't stopped yet we haven't won anything here we need to keep you know like I kind of thought at that point it was else to lose you know it's like no one's ever gone quicker than this before that we know about in competition so you know basically if we keep doing everything networks did we keep doing we should win and that was you know that was the way that we that we looked at it and you know remember on the day warming up and the track center and watching these times go and like the Paralympic record went so from from London from 20 which was forming at 17 you know that went down to four minutes 15 and it was a Dutch couple of Dutch guys and you know that punching the year new Paralympic record and the crowds going crazy and I can just remember sitting there and this is not an ego thing at all it was just confidence because I knew what we could do and I just remember turning looking around to Adam and just saying enjoy it while the last boys because that that's you know there's no way that's going to be the final time here you know we've got something you know we've got an eighth upper Silesian and then there's the race before else there was a second Dutch bike whoo-hoo amazing that really really good bike and they were they went for a nine so they win as quick as what we did Newport and I just I just sure I remember saying to Adam like someone's brought their a-game that's good you know we've got we've got a race on here you know and there was it was probably just what we needed you know we ended up going a second quicker again and went for a way to to break their world record and you know it was just like at that point you know you know we were racing up against the Australian killer module it was an absolute legend in the sport you know he was coming to the end of his that was his last race you know he was the current world champion and just incredible guys he since lost his life and a tragic road accident which is a real shame well you know where I was waiting you had to care and who's the biggest star of the sport and there's us you know these newcomers and yeah and we so we smashed the world record qualified fastest so we're into a gold and silver right off you know so we lift the velodrome and it didn't matter what happened in the final web-one you know we've got a middle you know so - and our gears earlier we were kind of are the dreams to just become Paralympians and go - against to all our Sun like well we've got a middle you know and and they were it was until we were warming up for the final ride that later that evening and I feel around - Adam and I said how you feeling any guy here my legs feel amazing and it's it's the only time we ever mine ever got on the bike and both of us sit at both of us has said we feel amazing because as you can imagine as athletes when you've got two of you on one bike it's really hard to get both of you feeling absolutely pinging and in their top shape at the same time on the same day it's a really it's a really hard thing - man for therefore the coaching staff you know it's two very different actually than the way that we go about do things training wise and things to all the sudden on that day they both need to be the best I've ever been and you know I mean that better I remember warming up and looking down at the numbers are seeing on my power meter and they were just sky hired never seen numbers like them knocked out amazing you know it was just like Rises this is awesome so yeah it's crazy like it's just crazy to think back well that's you know for four years ago now just about in them yeah it still seems really surreal talking about it you know just I still can't believe it it kind of happened really you know it's just always thing like stuff like that's not meant to happen to people like me I'm just a normal dude you know and you fired yourself set on the back of the tournament all the sudden you've got a world record and in a gold middle and it's the best to real men to be honest you're kind us yes just the most bizarre thing ever you know I can the world you can just adores it describe how it feels and you know I will I can't I died I don't have the vocabulary you know it's just yeah it's a crazy crazy time yes awesome awesome don't you don't you manage to control your adrenaline before you step on that bike when you ready to go how would you want to control your your emotions so you don't end up like a flippin adrenaline adrenaline dump at the most inopportune moments in the Wrights yeah it's an interesting one that I find when I when I talk to people the most interesting thing for me at that point where the people who race or you know play rugby or you know race or Karis I'm at that point where you finish your warmup and you are making your way to the start line and that and that that you know that period of time whether it's a couple of minutes whether it's ten minutes depending on what what the score is I find that fascinating because that that's where I think a lot of time races are won or lost you know I mean you can't you can't do anything and that and that and that period to get better you know it's physically impossible but you can do an awful lot of damage in your own head to you know which is the difference between having a great ride and having an absolute shocker you know and the physiology of it is there's no difference you know you feel how you feel it's just a mental preparation and your head and what you go through and I think for me of up until Rio I survived really well I didn't have any any psyche help at all but my eye always looks back on reflected on climbing the soul of El Cap and thinking will no matter what happens here I'm not going to die you know this is this is only four minutes long this race or this is only you know half an hour or three hours or whatever race II was doing you know it was like it's not like I'm going into six days and if I make a mistake I'm going to kill myself so I always kind of looked back and reflected on my kind of soul of L kept thinking well cross that was a hardest thing ever done so this is just riding a bike but you know a lot of stuff is you know like a lot of it you hear a lot of athletes talk about you know staying focused on the process and not thinking about the outcome and and all these sorts of things and yeah and that's about you know as much as cliche and you know people say it's just the basic facts you know if you if you think about everything you need to do and you know on the bike and you know fit for us it was literally getting off the start line you know because because once you're going as you know what you know and mostly once the balls kicked off you're in you're on autopilot you trained hundreds and hundreds of our boys to do whatever it is is about to happen you know you've worked all that and in pursuiting you know there's no curveballs you know exactly what you know like like I said oh you know we've broken the world record we knew exactly what we could do all we had to do was replicate that right so if there are any doubts it was the only worry that I had was that we didn't replicate it you know is that something just something when you know it didn't quite go to plan and we and we kind of didn't quite deliver the performance that we could have delivered and so I guess that was a that was the only thing that I had in my head but you know our I mean I remember sitting in the dreaded stop starting here in the seats before you have to go up and and one thing I love you know like I'm sitting next to Adam we've got a we've got a carer who's got a towel and a water or something that you never kneel I say a man would be there too with the stuff I you know they don't say anything you know that's they know this is your this is your space and not not to speak to you on stuff and you're you're going through your pre-race Conda routine whatever that is I remember then coming over a coach and kneeling down and his exact words it was really funny it's only wilt in the qualifier were Royal eights you know what you got to do let's go and do it that was it that was all he said that was a good pick talk that was a big motivating you know because he's not really a big man for words and he knew himself that you know we everyone you wanted jobs were if one knew what we had to do let's just go and execute it how we know we can so that was fine course that we've really well later on that evening when we came back to the final I remember walking back over to their seat and I remember that the conversation in my head up until that point was like well I've got I've got a Paralympic middle so even if we lose this I don't care you know because we've got a Paralympic middle and I remember sitting down in that seat and having this kind of dialogue go you have to care that you're winning a gold medal in a dialogue you have a dialogue result in my head about well I don't care if we win or lose because I've got a medal you know the silver medals bloody incredible you know throughout the years ago I could have never dreamed of having a silver medal and if you would have given it to me I would have taken it you know for sure and then I remember sitting in the sea and I looked across at Adam and Adam was like deep in his own kind of you know kind of get my psyche on whatever he was doing but I just remember the star like going on my hips like Steve you need to give a about this this is the closest you'll ever come to a gold medal it's just there you know so you need to get your ass in gear and make sure you you win this so well this was happening I am realised but Dan had come over to our coach who says nothing and it just started jabbering like I just I wasn't even listening to what he's saying and I said to Adam afterwards like did you even listen to what Dan was saying and he said no it's just rabbiting or like some old woman it was just like crazy yes so they were sad he was far more nervous standing on the sides giving us our time split so what we were on the bike you know so it's just a really funny funny thing where you know it's some where the best guys really get caught up to the bike and you know the bikes and the gate and you get to leave those seats behind and you know and then I remember you stand up and take a deep breath and just so you start walking towards the bike and just think yeah this is it this is what it's all about you know this is this is where you want to be you know you're in the biggest stage in the world you know with the biggest crowd and the wordage of race against race in front of sorry and you know your family's up on the stands and um yeah and yeah but you're all aware of that but that's not really having any effect if that makes sense on your head you know you're just like right okay you know when the countdown timer goes off at 10:00 I'm going to take a deep breath you know and then exhaling 7:00 I'll take another deep breath and when the beat goes at five with five six do I'm going to stand up get back off the bike you know Adams doing the same thing as me and you know so you're back and ready to go and then there's you know like a tree there's another deep breath and then to this you know why I squeezed the BART and flip my you know upper body really rigid and tight and then was one ice dam on the pillar with as much power as I can you know so as soon as that gate release you're going to shoot out of it so yeah you know you're all of these things you've got going on in your head so you don't really you know like yeah I could I could hear the crowd where our elk are you know they were like 18 18 to 25 British folk you know all in a bunch on the side of the track and I could I I could hear them every time we went past that's why the track screaming so there's just this kinda yeah it's almost like white noise you're there and all you can really hear is your breath and your thoughts going on in your head and then you just hear this noise that yeah you know that you're peaceful but you can't you can't take anyone out or you don't you don't know you can't hear them you don't know what my Shelton you just hear this noise this wave annoys you go flying past them so yeah it's a kind of them it's a really it's a really weird hits oh you're kind of little but yeah we're dead space yeah I'm it does fascinate me the way of different people prepare for stuff like that no again I never competed anything let you all have lighted some okay usual stuff if you're decent running or something you're your kid right right and oh I'm even the part you know Park runs even the park ones no I go and do them sometimes and I get the same feeling as when I was younger and it's like I get nerves there's nerves there but I'm it's they're not they're not nervous because I want to do because I'm worried about how well I'm gonna do then there's because I know this is gonna be hideously hard so now we're competitive you know I know I'm just gonna be and we're gonna switch payment at same time I just want I won't begun to go I want whatever is it's the trigger I want that to go because I know as soon as it happens as you've seen there if you switch off and you're going to and you can you came yourself maybe it's some like tactics and there's maybe some pacing in there what you're doing but one thing that's always fascinated me is that that build-up and I'm a fan of UFC right mixed martial arts and what I love about that that's probably similar sports the mixed martial arts just sport in itself you get to see all the different field that people adopt the way they get ready to go in in this case fight and someone emerges calm and they're just walking you know they walk out from the dressing room they're walking and then they've got two minutes in them in the Octagon your ring if boxing they got two minutes and in front of their opponents I'll be going you know punch themselves and chest screaming others is completely silent did you did you ever see anything was it pretty much the same other cyclists if you ever saw that in their build-up to it is it is it sort of common across the sport that it's relaxed calm you're in your own bubble or did people adopt very different approaches to their mental state of going into that right before the races yes I think yeah like like UFC you know everyone's different and you you know you hope you hope when you get to that level you've kind those got got that side of things pretty well dialed you know I could imagine you know I mean these guys that are stepping into a cage to you know kind of go into combat is you know potentially get hurt is you know I mean it's pretty hardcore for sure you know and it's you know the nerves and stuff are probably no different what I'm feeling when I'm when I'm about to get up like yeah I'm not I'm not I'm not gonna fight anyone they see it as a sport they'll sit same as you they just go into Spore and as soon as the bell goes that's right it is the same it's the same process some of the big truck sprinters that you know that we've got you you know you see them getting to the gate and you know they start thumping their chest or you know like just bumping their coach and you know he slaps them really hard on the back or wax them across the face or you know there's all sorts of different things and people just need to get into that zone it you know a very very different way you know I mean it's really funny because when the countdown starts and cycling certainly attracts Island you know there's a beep 10 seconds to let you know there's 10 seconds to go and there's another and then we get to five it beats down you know every every second but you know it's a really funny thing because you when you walk out and there's you know there might be music going there might be lights on as you get on the bike and then as soon as the same as the 10-second beat goes the whole crowd goes quiet and you could literally ha and everyone would hear honestly officers just kept on screaming and stuff of that because it's almost like you know destroyed if someone clicks this thing is that that beat goes off and someone cop speaks and it's dead silent you know it's like and then you know and literally it's just you and your breath no one spoke and no one's saying anything it's just you know and you're there about you shot out of a gun so yeah it's amazing it's amazing place to be there's your 2016 is your twin are you 2016 races on YouTube the pursuit this year they they never filmed any other road racing at the time trialing so yeah which is it which is a bit of a shame really they just didn't have the budget for it you know unfortunately just the way that Rio rant and but you're the the the pursuit final as the qualifies not on there but the final is we were race against the Dutch guys which is yeah kind of it's crazy watching it now because you know I can I can vividly remember in the final there was one turned I think it was like turn three as you come back onto the home straight and it was like there must be like a burger van or something on that turn I remember every time I came around he could smell this like burning meat and it was horrific you know he just watch okay as you can imagine you know your heart rate to the 180 be you know you're like you're you feel like you wanna die and you're just getting these one fall you know there's a lungful of like bad smoke and you know it's just you know you know what that's like if even if you're running or something at these a winch and go to pass and just like ah coughing up your lungs this is like right at the elite level of sport and you can't get away from it and you know every lap you've got to go through it again it's horrible yeah John yeah what sure what does your heart my head when you're in your peak about I think what one line to I think you know some yeah 42 years old tier one 192 I've had that for a while to be fear but yeah that was actually in a lab test which is pretty pretty grim as you can imagine me right right what rightfully explode and see what happens so yeah I saw these guys like these physiologist they're just like sickos really they just like seeing people suffer really badly because some of them coming up if you have to do it is awful it's a reckon if I behind it but I'm not sure Larry it's crazy in it right the human body as if the human body is it's the only reason it can hit nose Peaks right it's designed to it's a that's for the survival that's evolution of survival just get it away from danger and that's why it's so painful because everything goes into it everything was injured and we do it for fun he goes create sports mental why do ourselves why do we do sports born out oh it was it's a simulated combat wasn't it that's what sport came from yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure yeah I'm pretty single-minded so Wallace light on things going on I can't really do too much else but you know climbing was a massive part of my life and a huge passion and you know I when I came back from El Cap and I pretty much went straight into a British Cycling tellen tidied a trial thing so and I knew from that from that day onwards if I really you know like I said two and a half years while I was probably three years at that point when I first I was British Cycling and I knew if rocks up there just quit everything then you know just fully focus on riding a bike and that was it you know because yeah when you know climbing is amazing and when the weather is good you know I think if I still climbing I D happily Sackhoff a turbo session on my you know an instable session on the turbo to go dangle off a rock face it'd be far more impressive but I don't think yeah I think you putting any moves if I had that approach to my sport so yeah it's just one of those things in there you know like everyone talks about sacrifices and compromising stuff all that it really pisses me off when I hear at least I have sacrificed so much to win this middle and you know it's all bollocks you made choices you know people around you have sacrificed a lot for your selfishness because that's what it comes down to you know I mean you know if you're an athlete you've got you've won a gold medal and you're standing there saying sacrifice so much for this it's like you need it in Egypt you need your head read and you need to need to look at the people around you who have followed in your wake and being cut aside or pushed away so you can do whatever it is you want to do but it's incredibly selfish and you know to bring to bring people into that journeys a really really hard thing to do you know I mean my wife's been absolutely amazing since I've started cycling and you know and she's just as long as I'm a part but you know if you can make me a part of it somehow that you know that that's all I'm asking and you know and and I've managed to do that but it's been really really hard you know the amount of time she said I should we go and do this this weekend it's like nut can't do that not doing that can't do that I'll be too naked or you know and certainly in the run into the games and stuff I was just an absolute zombie you know as usual still couldn't do anything you know she asked me to wash the dishes until we're late on protein shake or something stupid yeah it's just you're just so fatigued and so nailed all the time just like you know all of those kinda like if I lived on my own I would have been absolutely useless you know the house would have been absolute tip and would have been dreadful but yeah I'm very fortunate you know most definitely they would they wouldn't get to where they got to without their other halves or the parents or you know their family around them but we're certainly pretty quick to cut them off and we need to because you know we need a photo on what we need to focus on it's super selfish but you know it's just if people are happy with that and stuff and they they can enjoy the ride and you know I mean I've got I've got three Paralympic middles to me somewhere in the house and what only two for the gave my brother one but you know I've got those medals but there's a lot of people you know that deserve a medal equally as big and as round as as shiny as what - you know like from the you know not only the staff of British Cycling in that the mechanics and the F&C coach and the physiologist and you know the physio keeps my body going - you know all of my friends and family who just literally lose Steve you know six months of the year wins I'm prepping for big events and don't hear from then it's time to call people nothing and then you know a son that's like you know it kind of finishes up and you pick up times like hey man how are you like it was yesterday you know I like giving Northey miss my wedding you've missed my birthday you must listen that's that and it's just going to like off stars mate yeah sorry I was doing my own thing you know but hey I've got this middle if I'm not cool you see it's an interesting it's interesting observation that's just like you know yeah you obviously got World Records you got you know gold medal and you know no one else could do what you and you and Adam yeah yeah yeah what you another do but I think the reality is you little too there for anyone at the peak of their game to get to that point it does tick and if it come as a special group of people around them that support network you know just to be that emotional support to actual doing things in your life that you need doing support and I was talking to I was talking to the the captain of the ladies Welsh rugby team suanne Lily crap sure let's see well sure I cut the weeks back I was like I was doing an interview with around leadership for a different series and put together and she's she said Cynthia she's capital whales and she's a head of rugby at Swansea uni and she just like you know my family don't see me I'll be out the door at 6:00 a.m. to go in constant team you know do the team training and then I'm at uni and then an even though I'm coaching rugby it at whatever bases the whole day all I call her family see her various laundry getting dropped off she gets it back washed making food prep you know there's no it's just that it is that selfishness but the same time the acceptance of people around you that said it's odd it's in suppressing our people that it happens people let people be bastards yeah yeah you know part of the thing when yeah you know when you do win or you have a result I think I think part of it is just you know for me those you know that the Middle's that we you know that we one of the games where you know part of that is just relief you know there's been such a such a massive amount of support to get Adam and I on the start line in the greatest shape of their lives and it's just kinda it's nice to repay that with the performance that every you know everyone can be proud of it and you know we've all come away with a gold medal you know and it's yeah I think is you know I think I pretty much went ran the whole team and and you know all the support guys and have my photo taken with them we're in the middle and they're like no no you wear it you've won it and that's why we've won it you know that's right this isn't you know yeah great I get to I get to take it home but you know I'm under no illusions that you know without the input you have had it wouldn't be around my neck you know be around someone else's so yeah I think I think you got to stay really grounded no I try you know I mean oh I'm pretty lucky because I've got some pretty savage mates and you know if I if I get ahead of myself they remind me that I'm just a so so you know which which is yeah I'm pretty good but sometimes it's you know it's kind of its kind of needed you know when you're off to meet the Queen or something at a weekend and people are just like I'll listen to you your you know it's kinda yeah it's kinda funny but yeah I'd like to say I like to stay pretty grounded with you know I always used to love to come back from racing when I lived in Scotland and mow the lawn is my first chore when I got home yeah it's just kind of one thing to just be like yeah mate you might have gone and won a race in Europe somewhere or whatever but you've come back and you've still got a lawn to mow you know you're just a normal dude you can't afford that have someone though you're just yet pal you know and it's kind of always stayed like that and I've always tried to see you know like I always say anything and do like I'm just I'm just a normal guy who's who just works really hard you know like I'm not super talented than anything I do I've just got a ridiculous looking stubborn effort you know if the cool head that you know refuses to give up or or what probably more wants to see what I can achieve you know what what I'm capable of achieving and I think when you achieve a couple of things are quite a high level you can't give yourself any excuses you know you think anything your turn you turn your head to a hand to you just think well I know if I work hard enough I can make it I can make it happen you know regardless of the disability or you know I've never done this for 10 years or everyone else is better than me now that's yeah I've always been passionate like you know like you stay with it with the human body it's our greatest asset we get given and so so many of us a neglect it you know and what we can do with it it's such an amazing thing to have you know and I just you know I love learning about what my body can do and yeah I totally know there's a lot of things that can't do it's rubbish it thing but you know it's just one of those one of those things yeah you know I always say to people you know when you win a when you win a gold medal everyone thinks it's a bit of a Bradley Wiggins I think or Chris Hall everyone thinks when you win a gold medal every ratio dude you're gonna win you know I went Bradley Bradley Wiggins won the Tour de France it's like everyone thinks every race he rides from there on now he's gonna win you know like Karen Thomas same thing it's um you know and now as a bike rider you lose far more races than you're ever going to win you know that's that's just the way it goes there's just important about trying to run the win the ones that count you know what get stolen when it really matters you know the last three years or something haven't you know I mean out of an eyes done done pretty well but you know as this year we were we were both all in for one last time to you know to make sure we we defended those you know those titles because you know we've won World titles with lost world titles in the last two years which is pretty hard to swallow but you know it's just it's one of those things you got it you got to take the good with the bad and you got to shake people's hands we lost the suit world record and yeah January this year in Canada you know we watched a bike absolutely annihilate our records take it from for four minutes eight seconds down to four minutes in three seconds an incredible ride and we were there to watch it and we have to race those guys in the final knowing they've gone way quicker than we'd ever gone you know but you're still gonna just going to walk over there today and shake the hand say that was unbelievable you know and you know one thing that is probably that I always say my or ow ow world record with far I'm far Prowler their world record the round of the gold medal and we won both on the same day but I think you know as we learn a few days later I mean we had a pretty bad wider than the time trolling we still won you know so we we were the best of the worst riders on that day you know we're the pursuit everything went absolutely perfect like it was textbook execution so just showed me that you know like you can still win a win a gold medal on a bad day you can't break World Records on a bad day you know you you have to be you know incredibly young incredibly well and you're in yo going faster than anyone's ever gone before is an incredible thing to do and so you know that that's and I think with our retire from cycling that will still be my greatest achievement you know we've lost that world record but setting a world record and raising the power and everyone else this is an incredible thing and it was incredible the amount of our peers that came up after that race between the qualifier in the final to come up to shake our hands to congratulate us was was phenomenal you know they're like they're 30 tandems racing that day and they're in the pursuit in the qualifier and you know there were probably 20 of them that came over afterwards and just their doubts or not want to ride that's unbelievable you know and that you won the restrictive hairs don't you when you compete that's what it's all about you want to you know you want to be the best bike that you want to be that guy who's you know you can shake hands and at the end of it and say well done whether you won or lost them you know it's great to be in a position where you win but it's also great to be in the position when you lose to walk over and congratulate people on how you know how amazing their royalism you know I remember standing in traction to watching the Polish bike break our record and it was just I remember halfway through the race and I look the elements said this is phenomenal like this is an absolutely unbelievable ride they're gonna annihilate our record here and yeah and they did you know and it hurt for a couple of weeks don't get me wrong you know it's pretty um you know I guess the hell it's the ego but to be like oh we're not the fastest bike in the world anymore but you know it's just I guess that just them I guess I always thought my head when I retired I wanted to retire as a world champion and world record holder so I've got a bit of work to do in the next year which is you know it kinda it was the fire but than that yeah do you do you that you very much about when you psyche completely goes or gee block it out cuz I mean you obviously get able to keep cycling how'd you how'd you do with that side of things days no question mate I think in the early days it terrified me it was really really frightening you know the sort of going blind what I do not being able to do what I do was a really kind of scary thing now I've kind of got my head rounded a bit more I look at more as it's just the next the next chapter the next adventure you know it's like I do all this incredible stuff you know with not very much vision God imagine what that's going to be like trying to do that with no vision you know that's going to be exciting and that excuse my French but yes I think I've just you might your mind works funny and it's all about reframing things and yeah don't get me wrong I'm you know like I guess honestly I mean I don't want to go blind you know I mean I couldn't think of anything worse but I probably could that it's just one of the things I think mentally I tell ya how you deal with that like you know I remember when I lost my driver's license and got told I had this the gender of my condition and I know how that made me feel for six months and I was pretty pretty depressed and pretty down about it and either I don't ever want to I guess I don't ever want to go back be back in that position where you're that upset about what's going on you know there's it's just it's not worth it you know the life's too short as it is to be you know freaking out about coming you can't control it's just a case of where I okay so this is happening so what what can I do what can I do now how can I make what I want to do work and I think if you're open-minded you can you know you can make anything work you know there's always some nuts out there who wants to climb a mountain with a blind guy because that's that's a challenge for them you know or you know race of ten and with a blind guy on the back or whatever you know there's I think if you're willing to ask for help I think the biggest key is being able to accept the fact you need help and being willing to ask for it the first six months I think of when I got my diagnosis and you know I had my driver's I lost my driver's license straightaway I didn't want to ask people for you know to get the car and you know to give me a lift somewhere and you know that and that's kind of rushed out of what I'm a bike a lot more but yeah I think I think once you once you get over that and you realize people are more than willing to help and you know it's fine to be independent and you know I were pretty I guess pretty arrogant young bloke you was pretty confident and and to definite you know and to admit that you got something wrong with you and probably wasn't the coolest thing so you know what once I got my head round that and that's like well you can't control it that's happening to you so you know it's one thing you always got two choices you can sit on the couch and cry about it and be down and you know get to the places where you might think about taking your life that it's gone not going your way or what or you can you know you can you can go and see what the other and what you still can doing hey you know the wall parts were thought pretty you know what the other right for me really so even when that day comes where I do you know I get to the point where I I do need to walk with a cane or get a dog or you know that sort of stuff that's just you know I guess it's just going to be keeping you know making sure I'm still doing what I can do and you know the one thing I thought about Willie is like open water swimming you know you can't hurt yourself too badly and open water swim in Kenya if you're blind you know if you've got someone kind of telling you which way to swim and this is swimming to a jetty of course then suck but you know I think you know I'm already already kind of thinking of things that would inspire me you know to to carry on you know this kind of outdoor lifestyle and this kind of adventurous lifestyle that I that I love living you know I'm really passionate about being outdoors and having adventures and yes I think I think now I just you know I looked you know there's a blind guy who's Jessie who's just quite on the old man horde which is phenomenal and you know there's this plenty of people that are blind out there doing incredible stuff and it's just looking for them to it for inspiration and you know I may not be able to do it as as big as are you store as fast or they used to or technical as I used to but hey man if you still a they're doing it you know I don't I think now that I'm kind of I'm kind of a point now where I yeah we can young when you're a young bloke you're trying to feel that you've got loads of stuff to prove don't you you know like you could prove you're really strong when your previous tough for you the coolest guy whatever and I just I don't have that anymore you know I mean I think after rare I think after climbing l kept kind of changed me mentally in terms of light wall I you know I've got nothing to prove you know I mean I've quite I saw where the arc at you know it's right oh yeah and yeah I mean and then you gonna yeah you know you know you you're winning gold medals and stuff like that which is you know like I don't walk around telling you what I've got gold medals and carry the my pocket and stuff but there's you know it's kind of nice when people don't know that and they treat you is just this guy's feed that I mean you seem like a pretty cool dude and then you'll have a conversation with them you know a week later something someone goes no way I don't know you've got gold medals you're an MBE and this light will doesn't matter does it change anything you know I'm just like just like I said I'm just a dude and so yeah it's kinda yes it's a funny one may I I don't know I just think you got it you got to try and stay positive even even winners you know sometimes it's challenging to do that in that sense you know I mean I think it I think if we can always look for what we can do not what we can I think that's the that's the most important thing yeah you mentioned earlier about you know if you can't if you can't do anything about it why you why worry about it and I think that that's a really alien that's a really alien attitude for people for a lot of people to understand and take on and I think it's and it's not attitude and understanding that's born out of extreme circumstance I I learned that when I was serving in you know just some you obviously learned it in your extreme service that you're in you know face for the prospect of completely losing your sight and and mint and that positive mighty yeah going forward and I think I've tried I've tried to articulate that message to my kids they been growing up it's just look why you worry about it sort of Antilles conversation I haven't done it properly so thank you they said why worry about is that why worry about it if you can't do any if you can't do anything about it what's the point I think you take a stage a stage further with them because it's saying why worry about if you can't do anything about no points dressing over it that doesn't mean it doesn't mean you don't plan for it okay it just means you it's also the families you know you know it's gonna happen I cannot change that thing could be a good thing could be a bad thing I can't change it how can I best deal that situation absolutely plans but don't stress over what because like you said can't you nothing you can do about it in the world yeah yeah I think a good way looking at that as you know if if there's something that worried about it just like well why why are you worried about it thought you know just talk through it what you know what's because you're always you know and generally I guarantee yet that people are a hundred percent honest with themselves Germany it comes back to self embarrassment you know generally everything will come back to what if I fail you know I'm goddamn I can look like a fool in front of all my mates you know it you know I am am I going to be ripped to shreds on social media or you know what the you know but I and certainly in my experiences the things we're on their most nervous about actually I guess I'll kept a bit different because that you know that's was a bit kind of fear and death as well which is a bit extreme but you know I think when it you know when it all comes to bite ratio so like what if I don't win is every going gonna take the piss out me you know if I don't achieve what I sit you know set the goals for myself I've have I failed and then I'm a failure you know and it's it's I think that's what that's a it's a real saying oh don't worry about if you can't control it don't worry about it that's about as good as someone saying to you when I say on but nervous about this race and they said don't worry you'll be fine because it's you you know it's like well that's no bloody use at all but steeple bonehead people don't know they don't have the vocab readers say they don't have the you know that it's just that that's just the polite way of saying I haven't got a clue what to say right now so I'm going to say you'll be fine you know and I've also myself saying it to friends who were going to do something so I don't make you'll be fine and then I say cooperatives they're showing there that doesn't help at all does it yeah I really you know I understand why you're nervous or you know what you're worried about that's cool but you know why you broke it and if that's fear of failure and what what have you got to be worried about you know it's kind there so it's somewhat you fail you know and what you know I've really great quote the other day where it said we we don't really make mistakes mistake to make us and couldn't be further from the truth you know and I've always learned a lot more from losing races than I have ever from winning them you know and that's it's just a building uh place a building up that kind of level of experience where you get before you think actually if I lose here what what you know your miss gets probably is like what have I got to lose and when you get into that mindset you're winning doesn't matter the result because if you can go into a race and think well I've got nothing to lose here I've done everything I can prep the bikes absolutely flying Adam you know he's in a good headspace so hey what we got to lose and go well we you know we can't control the result but what we can control is giving out 110 percent on the bike and if we do that right there's a probably there's a pretty good chance we'll win and if we don't win v later the guys you beat us you said how many know just they're just better and that's okay you know it's it's good to lose you need the balance you need that yin and yang you need you need to you know I think the problem with young people today is it's such a young weather things happened so quickly everything's instant gratification isn't it you know people turn up now I get middles for attending races not winning them attending them and you know although that's lovely and it's a really lovely environment to be in that's not life you know and like there's winners and there's losers and you know and we all need to understand that it's okay to be on both sides yeah it's great to win but it's great to lose as well you know it keeps you grounded keeps you from not being an you know I mean one of the one of the best experiences ahead right was an after after Rio we came back from Rio so it always exists in Rio and then it's three weeks after the games is pretty cool you get invited to lots of cool stuff and there's lots of cool stuff happening and every time you go to one of these events there's always someone you know standing at this standing at meeting your with a clipboard to take your name off and tell you how wonderful you are in a major they don't even know who you are I've got no clue you've got a gold medal that's all a nose I've just told to look after you because you're a VIP this guy's a gold medalist all those guys who world record and got a MBE or whatever it is you know and so you go into all these places and then always people telling you how amazing you are you know it's just like oh my god you're so amazing it's you know it's kind of get to the point where like you don't even know I could be a complete prick for all you know I could be the most rude arrogant person you would have ever met and but because my name's one particular column on the sheet you have to make sure you know that I feel good about myself and I can see like that was a really eye-opening thing to me I can see why you know like footballers food stars rock stars all these guys get way way bigger than who they really are you know because they just surround themselves by these people that constantly tell them though that you know I like God you know and then you just just you know you can very easily it's a very slippery slope to start believing what people tell you you know and that's what I think it's really important to have some really good mates around that yeah like I say you're still a ginger me you know I don't care if you've got a gold girl or an MBA you make the Queen who cares me you're still Steve and I knew you when you weren't all of those things and you're still a dick you know and that's just I think that's really important you know you have to you have to stay ground and you have to you know and also other people don't have these opportunities you know I'm very fortunate to have been given these opportunities and you know not not everyone gets them and so going and flaunting it in front of people isn't a credible thing to do or you know or or a big thing to do I'm not I'm not interested now I'm and I'm interested in people and the stories that I've got to tell them and you know what what I've done you know I mean the amount of time to get after if I take a gold middle somewhere which is very rare these days you know I can you wear it for a photo it's like nah I've worn that middle of NASA but I've worn at the one time I needed to wear it which was on the podium how about I let you wear it I can't win now I didn't win it I don't care about that the beauty of having a middle is giving it to someone putting it in their hand and watching them just like you just watch their mind explode you know they feel the weight of it and they just like that you can see all of their dreams happening in the head and certainly kids you can just see their eyes go golden and they light up and it's just you know half the time they just start spilling verbal diarrhea about how they going to win it which is amazing you know absolutely amazing and yeah that that's the true power you know winning winning it's great being able to put it in people's hands and give it to them so they can catch it and feel it the best thing in the world you know it's the best thing ever it's a proper you know that that's a privilege you know that is one a you know maybe the biggest privilege I'll ever have in my life to be able to put that middle in the kids hand it's pretty cool pretty cool man absolutely very cool to be inspiring you know it's been inspiring the individual we got let me kind of start wrapping up um anything else you wanna mention your website Steve pay em be calm right that's the one yeah yeah so there's a bit of a bit of a blog that runs on that and um I'm a terrible writer I'm not I'm not I'm not even gonna sound of writer cuz that'll that'll insult writers but yeah I like trying to like and you'll see how failed English so doesn't believe when I was at school but yes I write a bit on there there's a few pictures up on that and you know films and content and stuff on that but most the stuff of these on Instagram really you know I'm pretty I'm pretty pretty pretty prolific on the island stuff so that's that's the same handle Steve Bay MBE so yeah if people want to follow the journey that's that's a way to stay up to date I suppose I got me I've really enjoyed talking to you when this is done align our calendars see you can either be a rather beer and you're not sure yeah yeah at the moment there's plenty of beard going down yeah stay safe good luck