Ep. 614 | Colorado work retreat nightmare | Sniffing Baywatch

uh Sydney can you leave some for us I thought you were um trying to lose weight lay off me I'm starving one of the best skits on SNL ever with Chris Farley and David Spade and um Adam Sandler I'm freaking starving I should have ate more before I did the show so if I get a little [ __ ] that's what it is I I feel like you know that old cliche I I I'm so hungry I could eat a horse I I'm sitting here thinking like I wonder what horse tastes like I bet it tastes good I know oh no horses are beautiful if they were ugly would it be okay to eat them I'm just saying is that is that what what the standard is oh no no no no horses you know they you know they serve a purpose you know they help with farms and whatnot yeah but I bet I'm just saying let's I'm not saying that we need to make a movement and start eating more horse no I'm just saying just saying if I was in a pinch and I needed to eat something and there's a horse around hey hey there's a lot of meat on that thing it's like when you go like traveling to another country if somebody serves me up something I'm probably not going to ask what it is until after the fact because I I'll think too much be like hm this is delicious me and they're like yeah it's uh and I'm like no tell me afterwards okay then afterwards they're like yeah that was uh my pet uh dog Sparky he was delicious right he was you must have gave him plenty of walks on a regular basis that's how I'm starting the show guys is talking about uh pets sorry sorry that's what happens when I'm hungry I have pictures behind me if you're watching on on the video whether it's YouTube Facebook or uh Twitter I have a picture of like somebody holding a hot dog and I have this beautiful Burger I I don't know where it's from but it's like a bacon black and blue burger oh my God it looks so delicious and that's just not helping my cause so as I'm doing this show I'm going to be glancing over at it and just get get you know Salvation going oh so good so good oh my God I need to stop thinking about food but I love food I'm looking for a new food sponsor too and and and that's just like making it worse too because I like I'm looking at all these different places and I'm like oh God please please please let them you know sign on because that sounds delicious I just want to eat there is essentially what it is I need an excuse to go eat at certain restaurants like oh this is good never had Indian food before this looks delicious anyway we got a lot to get into a lot of great stories sorry is that that's my life I'm random I'm random make sure you hit that subscribe button wherever you're listening don't forget today's show is presented to you by High Society cannabis dispo and lounge and of course bet online in fact bet online is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for everything football bet online has every stat every matchup and even live odds and spreads while the uh the games are going on and if you think you know your stuff go and get in on the BET online's $200,000 Mega contest and pick five games against the spread every single week for your chance at weekly prizes and a share of that $200,000 when the games are over head on over to their online casino get in on the game of blackjack or poker or you can unwind with one of their over 150 slot games go to bet online. AG right now betonline.ag go there right now and get in on the action it's bet online the game starts here and before we get in the headlines I got to bring this up I just wrote this on my rundown it just says I'm a dick that's all I wrote I didn't add anything else and that could go down so many different Avenues right there's days where you're just like God I'm such a dick I the reason why I wrote this is the other day I just wasn't feeling that great you know probably that time of the year my kids are at school they probably brought a little bug home but either way just had a like kind of a a slight migraine had to go pick up my kids from their aunt's house cuz she made him dinner and was just you know having some gamy time which is great and I go over there and there's these two 16-year-old girls over there and one of them is just like oh this is Scott he's wearing a shirt I was wearing my de Huff on sensored shirt and she's like that's uh that's his show and you should listen to it and I was like no don't listen to it you're under 18 you're not allowed to right and I'm just like really kind of just irritated my kids aren't listening to me because I'm like we need to go home uh you know because you know you got school in the morning type of thing and and she's like oh I I I I won't listen then like I was like oh [ __ ] sorry and she's and there they kept trying to talk to me so what's your podcast about I'm like whatever it's just funny stuff do you ever have that where somebody wants to talk to you about something they're so sweet and nice and you're just like I'm just not in the mood right now and normally I am but they I felt bad like such a like I ruined her life she's only like 16 or whatever the hell she is maybe 15 and like she's going to remember this moment like don't meet your Heroes don't meet your Heroes I was her hero for two seconds and then I just pop blew it up she has no idea who I am but I'm going to go ahead and say for just a brief moment I could have been her hero and then I just ruined it for it just shat all over it everywhere messy I was I felt like such a dick not enough so where I went back over there and apologized no no I I don't do that come on uh have you ever done that where you're just like you interact with somebody and you're like afterwards hindsight you get home or whatever time's passed you sit there and you go geez I I was an [ __ ] and and they're just and you know what they're thinking when they're thinking about the interaction with you they're like God I met Scott the Huff today host of the the Huff on censored podcast and all I can think of is what a [ __ ] yeah what a [ __ ] what a [ __ ] right as always Ken you're not supposed to agree with that you dick anyway you know what we need to do let's not be dicks let's just jump into some headlines let's go let's go and now here are the headlines this I I I I feel like I shouldn't read this headline I feel like connory de Huff needs to read this headline because it's right up his alley hey connory what are you doing doing well I just got done banging your mother okay okay no details please can you come over here and read this sure what what is it let's see okay all right a Philadelphia couple was having sex you got me I like this uh in their Range Rover and it accidentally rolled into the river that was nearby and that was because they hit their gear stick while in the back seat I like this these this couple seems like they got their head on St okay thanks Connor you you're done okay good because I need to go back to you know banging your mother okay oh anyway so the couple jumped out of the SUV before the vehicle actually hit the water and and plummeted beneath the surface it wasn't that deep but it's enough to submerge their SUV so what is an SUV roughly depending um five six feet tall depending on know but either way it's it's enough to [ __ ] up your car what a horrible horrible thing that's embarrassing it's like four o'clock in the morning they're getting it on yeah and then somebody's leg goes bam kicks the the gear shift pops it out of gear and then it goes rolling down thankfully they were able to jump out that's not what a moment killer I tweeted this out and then Mike wrote In well that's a humble brag getting getting your rocks off now now now imagine what are those those those Farmers Insurance commercials where they're like we've SE seen everything whatever their slogan is imagine that making its way into a commercial what about uh you're begging your wife or your girlfriend and then somebody kicks the gear shift and it goes rolling into a a river they're like we C everything because we've seen everything or something like whatever whatever their slogan is that's terrible that's ter you just ruined your car your car is [ __ ] you can't you can't Salvage that right I'm not a mechanic but I'm guessing water everywhere isn't good for your vehicle right right I know I got some people that listen that are in the cars like stands Auto stands Auto up in Loveland if you care about your car you got to check out stands auto service in [Laughter] lovelin that's a real company it's a family company they they do a great job I take my car up there whenever possible even though I live like 40 minutes away but anyway we don't need to go down that that's that's a terrible way to screw up your car it's not like you just actually bumped into something or and and screwed it up or somebody you know ran into your vehicle or you know there was a flood that came out of nowhere no you were about to bust a nut and then next thing you know or maybe that's what happened you busted your nut and you like you kick your leg out when you climax and that's when you kick the gear shift and then you ruined your vehicle I guess it I think Mike is right I think that is a good little humble brag you're having sex and you [ __ ] up a car how'd you lose your car I I was banging Tracy the other day what wait hold on I said what happened to your car and you start the story with saying I was banging Tracy Tracy's my sister you son of a [ __ ] um I got this next story story via the guardian and it's a company Retreat gone wrong there's a lot of companies that swear by doing company Retreats it's usually for the management team and they forget about the actual people that do all the work I'm just saying that's usually what happens right if you want a good company Retreat you need to work in the the Grinders the the blood of the company I don't care if like you know let's say you have 20 regular employees employees and let's say you do uh a company Retreat every quarter well then just take what is it five of those employees each time so you rotate through them and take the stupid management the people that you you're that all the employees are like how the [ __ ] did that guy get promoted that guy's an idiot I think that's the way to do it you get some actual employees into the company Retreats and that's a good thing but anyway it's it's it's management and sales reps you the the you know the people that do the least amount of work okay [ __ ] you don't come at me anyway anyway a Colorado man survived a night on a mountain all by himself while injured after being left behind by his co-workers during an office retreat this happened oh just the other day so I'm sure he's back in the office oh my God I would be pissed there is there was like a 15ers group and they're hiking they get up to wherever they wanted to hike some top of some [ __ ] Mountain everybody starts descending he's trying to descend he gets disoriented starts you know pinging his location to his co-workers and they're like no bro you're in the wrong area go go this way or go that way then he starts going that way starts pinging his location like no bro no bro and nobody during this time that this guy's lost and confused nobody decides let me go get him I got this I'll go get Johnson the [ __ ] [ __ ] I don't care if you if you look at him as a [ __ ] somebody go up there and help them out not everybody is you know great when it comes to scenarios like that uh it's easy to get twisted and turned up in the mountains it's very easy which we'll get into the 10 Essentials for hiking uh according to the National Park Service which is very important if you're going out there eventually they send out a search and rescue crew at night they couldn't find him and then they come back out during the morning and eventually rescue the guy I I'd be I'm I'm sorry i' I'd be pissed you guys knew where he was at why didn't you have a buddy you should always be hiking especially in that type of situation you you're in little you have a big group and then you have little groups you have your hiking buddy and if it's an odd amount of people one of those groups uh one of those little uh buddy groups are going to have to have three nobody should be alone up there just in case you don't know if you need to repopulate the planet I don't know [ __ ] could go sideways you can't be by yourself not very smart and I I I just the way I look at it is the next time you're back in the office after this scenario it would be very hard to look at I'm I'm I'm hoping this this guy takes the high road and isn't you know isn't resentful towards his his co-workers because the way I look at it is like not one of you said to go after me I'm sure maybe somebody did maybe somebody did offer to go be like dude let me go get him I know where to I know where he's at no no no no we don't need two people lost there's a good chance those words were uttered okay so that that's I in all fairness that's fine but but I'm sorry you and I are hiking in a group and all of a sudden you get lost Guess who's coming to rescue Big Daddy dehuff okay I'm coming for you okay I ain't leaving you behind if I know where to go send me and somebody else up there I'm not going to leave somebody behind that's that's [ __ ] up and they it's not like they were overly prepared I'm sure that they had some stuff with them but not enough I mean you're going for a hike uh on a 14er you're probably not anticipating that you're going to have to stay the night though you should which gets me to the what the National Park service says are the 10 Essentials for hiking anywhere you go navigation got to have some sort of compass something that helps you navigate GPS obviously is ideal sun protection probably the one thing that a lot of people forget insulation in case you need to uh you know have uh you know uh blanket of some sort is something like that to keep you warm illumination very important first aid supplies yes because this guy was hurt he ended up getting hurt you also need stuff to start a fire you need a repair kit and tools nutrition hydration and emergency shelter so those are all the important things uh I'd be pissed I'd be pissed if I'm this guy the the the fact that like I totally forgot as we were going through this that he was injured I don't know what he how he was injured I didn't see that part sorry I [ __ ] up I I I forgot to tell you that part let's just assume he had like two broken legs and they left them there now you hate them more right oh he was he's broken legs let he could crawl back see and if I'm if he's uh pinging where he's at and they're messaging him saying hey uh you're you're in the wrong area and he's hurt and you know that that makes me more upset why they didn't go try to rescue him [ __ ] bunch of dicks bunch of dicks when when it comes to light of who the company is or what the company is that's a really bad look they need to take care of this guy and and I I don't and that doesn't mean gift cards and pizza parties okay uh you need to give them a raise and you guys need to walk on eggshells for like two years because anytime anytime you know something comes up he you know he's gonna throw that back in your face are you guys ready for the meeting uh it's right down the hall yeah don't leave without me guys I know you like to do that don't just wait for me okay it's always going to be that hey you guys want to go grab some lunch yeah where do you guys want to go how about Applebees okay I'll meet you there will you will you meet me there kind of hard to believe that I mean it is Apple beef so I'm sure you guys will show up because it is delicious oh my gosh that's terrible I don't think I've ever been on a work Retreat I've gone on working you know events traveling and stuff like that but I've never I guess I've just never been in important enough to go on a work a work Retreat you know doing trust Falls and [ __ ] and I got to be honest when when I worked in radio when I worked in restaurants stuff like that and I never restaurants you don't do that unless you're in the corporate world when you actually work in a restaurant and you're working nonstop you don't have time to go on these work Retreats unless you're the GM because whatever but when I was in radio there's nobody nobody that I would trust to catch me in a trust fall nobody no God Mark schare broke my ribs do you think I'd trust him to catch me actually there was a few times where he did catch me and he kissed me on the forehead that's probably true there was a time where I gave Mark for a video it's out there somewhere unless they deleted it where I gave him a massage on my desk with a shirt off and I don't remember what it was for but it was something like that and then the best joke about that video is the camera pans over after I'm like you know rubbing Mark Mark's back is it P over to Mike Evans who's sitting in the corner eating a banana oh my God just thinking about it right now makes me laugh it's so [ __ ] funny they don't do videos anymore there or they do but it's just like all business boring come on entertain me [ __ ] anyway um speaking of food Wendy's is allegedly making the official SpongeBob SquarePants Krabby Patty Burger that's gon to it's being rumored that that's going to come out the only thing I have an issue with with that is the Krabby Patty has no meat or no animal products in it it's just all veggie based so I don't know if I try I kind of I I would try it I guess I guess just to say I did but I don't anticipate it being good you know no cheese which is probably fine for me but the no meat if it's if it's a meat substitute I I just haven't had a really good meat substitute I've had them where they're okay but you know what you put enough seasoning on stuff it and sauce it might be good it might be good so look for that that might be that might be a cool thing who knows it'll be gimmicky it'll be a good way for kids to try a meat alternative you know listen there's times where I don't eat red meat for a while I'll eat turkey burgers I eat chicken and then I'll go and eat like a just a beef burger and holy crap that just wrecks my stomach yeah I'm talking about diarrhea guys that's not that funny it's not that funny but it made me laugh and I apologize uh we got more coming your way but first High Society cannabis dispo and Lounge they're so proud that they follow followed that comment uh it it it's uh High Society cannabis dispo and Lounge it's it's an alcohol it's like an alcohol bar excuse me but it's for cannabis so you got to swing on over you can purchase product on site you can consume on site and then you can take the rest home it's really cool they got something for everyone they offer a wide selection of flour pre-rolls concentrates and Edibles and they provide everything you need to consume it with whether it's papers or bongs it's really really neat and and this is a great place to go especially on Sundays because they got seven big screen TVs so you can catch your favorite sporting events and they have the NFL Sunday Ticket freaking awesome dude college football is officially underway this week starting tonight they got the CU Buffs taken on North Dakota State I believe and from here on 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they're open noon to 10: every single day got to be at least 21 or older to consume no outside product just buy it there uh it's High Society over at 7667 Washington Street just GPS to High Society well the no fun police decided to NAB that dirty dirty pirate that blows bubbles the bubble pirate in San dieago which of course means a Wales vagina Sandy snakenberg is a homeless veteran known for bubble blowing in La hola Cove I I am certain I [ __ ] that up and so this guy goes around all he does is he entertains people with [ __ ] Bubbles and and and it's like a whole science and entertainment thing that he does he like he brings happiness to people he was issued a citation by a San Diego park ranger for liquid littering that's apparently a thing dude people call him the bubble man he entertains people young and and old and you're like I hate the world happiness is bad liquid littering what a dick that's a park ranger that just probably didn't get accepted into the police academy and just taking his anger out on the the rest of the planet what a dick now allegedly the park ranger uh that wrote the ticket said bubbles frighten me like really bad I was going to start popping them with my pistol but I remember the department took that away after I shot all those butterflies for wind littering again nobody has that quote I'm the only one with that quote so boom you're welcome allegedly that's a quote what a dick I just want to kill happiness the [ __ ] do you feel good big man huh huh writing a ticket for a man that brings happiness with bubbles huh big man huh somebody wasn't hugged as a child or maybe they were hugged too much I don't know maybe that maybe they hate bubbles show me on the doll where the bubbles hurt you okay jeez dude that's [ __ ] up what a [ __ ] sorry really come on blowing bubbles a liquid littering are you trying to meet a quota what why the [ __ ] would you do that so this guy is like dude I'm going to court for this I'm fighting this this is is ridiculous my God I I would love to know like I is the person that wrote the ticket just like an [ __ ] nobody likes them and then they're just you know they're taking they have misplaced anger that's what it is you're you have misplace anger so you're taking it out on a the bubble pirate [ __ ] dick Jeremy Jackson the former Child Star best known for playing David Hasselhoff's son on Baywatch admitted in a in an upcoming docu series after Baywatch moment in the Sun that he did some pretty nasty stuff as he was going through puberty he would break into castmates trailers and sniff their bathing suits he said let's just say I've sniffed every [ __ ] on Baywalk in all honest in in his defense I get it as a as a young boy going through puberty you are raging nonstop everything [ __ ] turns you on and now he's on a set with these beautiful women in bathing suits a lot of those women were uh Playboy Playmates like Pam Anderson Etc they're all they're extremely beautiful the ladies that Joe Schmo like me would look at and just be like oh my gosh if I saw her I don't know what I would do but I would love to make love to her and he's like seeing them like right up front to him uh in front of him they're they're probably putting their hands on his shoulder and he's like I need restrictive underwear right so the fact that he did that the fact that he came out and admitted it like in a sense is like yeah good for you for admitting that [ __ ] it's disgusting I mean at the time ladies I got a lot of ladies that listen would that wouldn't that freak you out in hindsight you'd be like I get it because he's a kid he doesn't he can't control himself as well as an adult it's still wrong what he did but you kind of go yeah it's wrong but I get it I get it you shouldn't do it but I get it I understand I don't know with with I don't know how I'd I found out a woman or a young woman was sneaking into my room and sniffing my underwear I'd be like what the [ __ ] is wrong with you I I would assume that that's a pretty much Universal thing the more I say it as I say it out loud I don't think anybody would appreciate somebody breaking in and sniffing your underwear right I I guess there would be a small glimmer of flattery mixed in there but I think ultimately we can all agree as we're huddled around here and go yeah don't like it don't like it I appreciate his honesty and to be honest I don't know how I would handle that situation as a as a kid going through puberty and surrounded by beautiful women and bathing suits running around all you know hot and sweaty I'm not saying it's right but I get it I get it pretty [ __ ] up but good for him for you know admitting what he did guess God the more I think about it the more it's like just imagine catching somebody sniffing your underwear that happened to a lady at a hotel like she had a camera set up or something and I want to say it was like the hotel manager snuck into her room and was sniffing her her underwear that's sick what the [ __ ] would you do wouldn't you like your first instinct would be especially if you're in the vicinity is to beat the [ __ ] out of them like what the [ __ ] is wrong with you those are my dirty ones too like you know didn't make it okay that's a skid mark and that skit Mark is now on your nose Jesus I I don't know what I would do I'd freak the [ __ ] out it's it's disgusting what are you a goddamn dog you ever seen a dog go after a pair of dirty underwear it's disgusting especially if they're puppies [ __ ] gross like dude dude hey this ties this next story ties into a topic from yesterday with the dolphin Kelly Ripa apparently jumped off a boat to communicate with the dolphins because she thought she could talk to them [Laughter] I'm wondering if you found out more about this situation if you if you found out off the Record do you think she was high she have to be high why would anybody think that you could talk to dolphins be like oh they like peanut butter and jelly oh this one's name is Frank uh oh uh oh this one's rubbing against me this ain't good that's bizarre yeah she I'm guessing she's high high as [ __ ] high as [ __ ] and it makes that makes sense that makes sense God now I'm going to be like I just imagine like God the like sniffing of the underwear is so gross so gross disgusting oh why did I end on that what the hell's wrong with me let's go back to Bubble Man in the The Angry uh park ranger ah anyway I hope you guys had a good week my week's over we're it's Labor Day weekend I'm going to try to record uh the show early so I can still air it on Monday but if you notice too on video we had we had a little snafu with streamyard that I I do Twitter I just post the video it up on Twitter and I can post it whenever wherever I don't do live stream on on Twitter anymore but I uh I noticed uh yesterday there was an issue with streamyard which is what hosts the video distribution for Facebook YouTube and um twitch which nobody watches me on Twitch nobody hardly anybody watches me on YouTube either but anyway uh I I there was an issue streamyard went down yesterday blah blah blah blah so I wasn't able to post it at noon and then I posted it later at like say 7:30 last night and I'm like wow I feel like I got more people involved on it so I might just start I'm going to try it again today I'm just experimenting to see if it does better later in the evening when I post it I'll still post Twitter when I post it I usually try to get it up there before noon but everything else will be delayed you can still listen to this in audio form whenever possible as soon as it's available to post I I post it I don't I don't wait on the audio form but when it comes to the video I will when it comes to Facebook twitch and YouTube so just so you guys know but you can always catch it on X is just like um audio it will be up there as soon as possible thank you guys so much for joining the show I really do appreciate you guys thanks for making this the number one comedy podcast in the state of Colorado yes we dive into serious stuff every now and then like panty sniffers it's disgusting don't get it or when it comes to like football in in the Colorado area but um ultimately the goal is to entertain you have some fun and let you have an escape from from life by laughing at silliness so I really appreciate you guys you guys are amazing make sure you hit that subscribe button wherever you're listening and if you can please give it a nice review doesn't mean you have to give it a long song and dance you could just give it five stars or you can give it five stars and say it makes me feel good in my tummy and my naughty parts whatever if that if that's what you feel like writing go ahead as long as it's five stars don't care big thanks to High Society cannabis dispo and lounge and of course bet online go to bet online.ag it's the Huff on censored let's continue to move forward I'll talk to you next time