Late Night at Noon with Charo: discussing Hugh Grant, setbacks and dialects.

[Applause] setbacks am I right this is supposed to serve as a freew we update but honestly I don't have anything to tell you guys other than a few stories around why and how it's so difficult to just become the best version of yourself if everything that you are right now is the complete opposite yeah um I thought that maybe I won't dox myself if I just cover it up would leave it's a there's a funny story about um surrounding just how crazy you can get as a person I would not consider myself to be paranoid um a week ago or two weeks ago uh me and my friends we have this running joke where whenever we would smoke uh tree um I would come up with the craziest stories and nothing like hallucinations or anything but the way the way I would try to translate my thoughts into language there's just not enough words in any language I believe uh I'm only fluent two where I could actually speak out what I had in mind whenever I was high so I would try to you know explain the feeling you have the experience of childhood good you know like I don't know maybe I had this one memory that I tried really really well to just verbalize and it would come out as hey did you ever have a green son and um of course my the person I would hold a conversation would just look at me like I'm a lunatic so there's this running joke that I'm actually schizophrenic which if we're true um would actually absolutely ruin my life because you cannot become a paramedic if you are schizophrenic so that would actually completely R me right so I would not consider it to be an actual threat until I met up with this guy he's um a friend of a friend you know and you know we started talking a bit and he said hey we should meet up I was like yeah sure whatever let's do it you know I'm interested in meeting you you're interested in meeting me let's go I mean it's uh it's an interesting take to be interested in meeting someone like me but sure let's do it and uh we met up at the old I usually don't go to the Oldtown of my city especially during tourist season because um beautiful it's a beautiful city and you have a lot of Asians uh Asian tourists I don't really know why but I know that there is like an exact replica of like some building in my old town somewhere in Asia I would think it's Japan but I'm not really sure and I don't really know why we have a lot of Asian tourists I guess it's just because like the architecture is just so wow you know after the war they're really clutched and uh chose the right thing to do which was replicate the old town instead of I don't know maybe taking care of homeless people or something no that's that that's useless right so we meet up it's the old town and and I did not check the weather so I was completely soaked because of course it decided to rain so I'm soaking wet we go we just kind of walk around there's really nothing to do when it's raining a guy like look up looks up to me and he's like with some other guy but I don't really notice him he goes up to me he's like hey um can I have a second and he asks me like do you want to go on a match and I'm like actually yes it's the 23rd right he's like yeah Friday wait yeah it is the 31rd and I'm like yeah like our city place right and he's like yeah our city place so hey so you actually want a ticket you actually like know what's going on I'm like yeah I do know what's going on he's he's like okay but I have one thing to ask you why should it be you to get that ticket you know and I'm like oh well actually and in the corner of my eye I see that his friend is recording me vertically which means that it's going on Tik Tok right and I'm like I was not informed usually they have to inform you right that they're recording you but at that point I was it would be too awkward to just say you then I don't want it no thank you and just go away which would probably be a the right thing to say if you don't want to be recorded public you know as I just start telling him you know well um my best friend is really into the first league and it actually mean a lot to me if we could just like meet up because you know usually we don't really have that much time we used to meet up every day in high school and now we don't really meet up that much and I know it means a lot to him it would mean a lot to him if I could come and he said oh well yeah I'm I'm sold you get the ticket so I got the ticket and um then I did a little surfing and I realized that that was the guy from the official Tik Tok account of that team and I'm like oh well not a lot of people care about it right and the video where I was in already was at like 1,600 likes and I thought um okay um cool yeah so I had two panic attacks about that I could not sleep um and I realized that it's it's absolutely terrifying to be perceived uh not just to be perceived but the idea of how you think you are being perceived so I did not go to the game I was way too terrified to just go outside so for the last three days I've just been sitting and rotting and absolutely doing nothing except for watching hug Grand movies because lately I'm really into Hugh Grant I don't really know why the only movie that I saw in like on the big screen in was uh Wonka because we had a I don't know why uh we were already like senior year and I guess we just had like one free trip to take so we just took a trip to the cinema and the only good movie uh that our teacher wanted to take us to was Wonka and it was really funny because I remember that the entire room where they were playing the movie was filled with like like primary school kids and you know the movie it was actually it was very enjoyable um because when I was sitting next to my best friend you know we were just making fun of everything to me it was incredibly funny because he did not know who Hugh Grant is he's not familiar like with like Hollywood and anything but to me it was just so hilarious to see Hugh Grant like as this grumpy uh short King who's just hunting down uh jenzy version of himself uh because he stole his chocolate I was like so enamored by this I I was so like into the idea of Hugh Grand being a Ooma looma and just the idea that he absolutely resents himself for it he's like oh other kids got like international law lawyers and my kids got an Ooma looma the past three days uh I guess the only thing I've been doing is uh watching Q Grand movies I've watched Morris great picture uh honestly I don't really know what it's what it wants to become he is it has this problem where it kind of gives itself away as like a romance between two but then it turns more into like a biography of Morris and it just leaves clyve somewhere out there which is H's character um and you know it's it's kind of like it doesn't want you to root for who you want to root for or maybe it's just because I watched it purely for hant turn out as like very repressed and he does not have a happy ending uh which I cried about uh then I've watched uh noting Hill uh great great movie um we've actually had a paper on Notting Hill um more specifically around the travel book store that he worked in on our Advanced English finals so I actually uh you know was like oh it actually means a lot to me because I had a 98% grade from that which actually kind of sucks because I know I could do but I always follow the listening thing the listening things are always they're [ __ ] up because they always have like the most [ __ ] up accents you have but you have like polish speakers trying to sound British because for some reason they only teach us British which I guess is like the mod tongue but here's the thing with my accent I have this problem where I have what I call an internet accent and it's a very new thing it's something that you only see like in gen Z where you can tell that I've learned English not from any book not from any singular movie not from like any relative um I've actually watched so much YouTube and I've watched so many movies when I was a kid that I just I would take on as I learned I would take on like every single accent at once and uh right now I've ended up with this something I called neutral English which is American but sometimes I'll um spell something out or I'll say something out loud and people will be like that's not American is it um so yeah I guess it depends on just which actor I'm obsessed with right now and um the last the last week actually I got really into theal Glover and I have this another problem which is uh when you learn English through the internet you also learn things that you're not quite supposed to say as a white person um I remember being taught the N word through Vines and I was not taught the significance of it so I just thought okay that's just another word for a friend right um I was 12 and at 13 I already knew that it's not just another word for a friend so uh yeah I very quickly uh go done with that but there's just some parts of like aav and other dialects that I'm not really close to as as a Polish person that I should just not have in my vocab but I do because I'm just like not completely aware of the culture maybe if I grew up like you know in the US OFA I would actually know the significance but here's the thing I don't you know so navigating through language that actually is spoken by the entire world uh it's it's pretty hard as a non native yourself but it's it's it's actually fun you know sometimes you just learn that the word that you've been using for years now actually has other significance or um should not be said in certain places like uh the text in bless your heart baby is not the same bless your heart baby as it would be I don't know like in Britain right because in Texas when like an old lady tells you bless your heart she's insulting you yeah uh the significance of language is crazy but I digress what I wanted to say uh most of all is that right now I'm really obsessed with you grant uh I so after the panic attack thing yeah I maybe I may be prone to a lot of like nervous breakdowns due to the fact of just how much I think and that's something my mom told me you know here's the thing about you ever since you were a little kid everybody knew that you were smart you on the other hand you would just think that was your thing just thinking because she said you know like all our other kids they had like Hobbies you know I sat there and I thought that's it's [ __ ] up she said you know it's said you didn't pick up pick up on anything and I just told her you know I I've always wanted to be an athlete actually but I guess you know because you didn't you guys did not sign me up for anything I just decided okay I guess I'm not cut out to be anything she looked at me and she said did you really did you really just want to become an athlete is that your whole deal would you just like be normal if I sign you up for like I don't know volleyball and I said could you so yeah just it's kind of crazy how different my life would have gone if I just was able to verbalize what I wanted but I guess I was just like too autistic when I was a child you know I was just like still figuring out this whole communication thing so I did not quite realize that you could just tell your parents what you wanted it's a crazy invention to me I actually went outside to um detach myself because after the Tik Tok thing Fiasco I just deleted all my social media apps the only ways in which I use my phone right now is I watch interchangeably a hug Grand movie a few Community episodes in a hug movie again it's crazy how Hugh Grand got incredibly maybe misguided by his agent or he's like so good at acting that they did not realize that this guy who plays your sweetheart your British sweetheart boy is actually an [ __ ] and I and here's the thing I love him you know I love him and I'm saying this like in in the best way possible but he is an [ __ ] he's like a grumpy 63y old guy and that's like his final you know uh image that you have of H Grand but he has been this his entire life he's love him I love him for that like his Persona is just so entertaining you know it's something so fresh because usually you have like all those like guys that play those sweethearts and they try to play them off in real life as well and like okay you know we're all human you know we all like to be nice but what you would actually want to and watch sometimes all you need is just like British man ranting about how he loves the Roose that he himself picks out you know but I think I digress what I want to say is that clearly I've made a lot more focused towards the things that I like instead of um focusing on myself but I believe uh setbacks are important because they keep you humble I don't have a lot of patience for myself first thing and second thing I uh want to see myself as like the best version of me even though I'm not halfway there so whenever I met with the realization that I'm something I don't ever want to become did not ever want to be I just Panic so life's been tough um but only because I'm making it so the more I stay in my room the less I actually am who I want to be be yeah so I think I committed a mistake of not going to the game yesterday even though we lost um I think that it would been something that would break me away from the paralyzing fear that I have I wouldn't say that I have P attacks as a person I've never had many I could like probably count them on just one hand but two of them happened in the last 3 days and it was just so crazy you feel as if you're going to die guess I learned a few things I haven't really made any progress yeah I've actually made about three steps back I cannot lie to you guys and say that I will get better from now on I I guess it just requires a lot of patience for me to get back up from my knees but ideally I will so stay hungry stay patient and stay at grumpy 6 year old British man see you guys