Day 11 ‪@yungblud‬ #youneedtoexist

okay so excuse me day 11 um I just kind of woke up I had a unexpected day yesterday I had um my sister and brother-in-law show up at my place they were in town and I was sleeping so I ended up going to spend some time with them and visiting my mom but uh I always complain that my family doesn't want to see me or come see me and then within 10 minutes of being around them I'm grateful that they don't really want to see me no offense I love my sister and I don't think they watch this but uh my brother-in-law is very racist and we don't share the same political views and he just won't ever let that go so it was a very long long day yesterday I felt like I needed a drink when I got home I don't drink but I felt like I needed one but all right um so let's see what is this sleep with me next to your wait sleep with me next to you or under your pillow open to this page when you wake up every morning for a week and follow these instructions okay so I just woke up so day one tell me how you feel oh I kind of just sort of did how do I feel um how do I feel um I feel annoyed by my family by how ignorant they are um saying that my brother is is a racist um I mean he uses terms that are not what I'm down with and you have to figure if somebody is dating a person like that or married to a person like that then they themselves must be okay with that type of of language so it's really kind of disheartening to although I don't hear my sister say those types of words she must be down with it because they've been together for like I don't know 40 years so if she doesn't say anything about it you know it's it's disappointing cuz that's not how we were raised you know and uh it's very frustrating to be around people like that because I'm not like that I don't use derogatory words like um when referring to people's races um I think everybody there's good and bad people in every Walk of Life the skin color you have does not make you a better or a worst person it's your how your actions and stuff you know um so frustrating on that um a little concerned about my friend again they're not um having the best day I guess um the one I mentioned a few days ago but I think they'll be okay I hope they will be okay um and I'm sitting outside you can't tell it's middle of the night but um let's see um and it's not hot for like the first time that I noticed so I'm very grateful which means summer will be over and oh you know it's closer to being over than it is uh you know not and I went and I saw some Halloween decorations yesterday and I had my first pumpkin spice um frappucino yesterday so it made me happy okay so and then it says now get the fuck out of bed and tell someone you love them well I already did that when I was in bed so because I was talking to my friend friend whatever he is whatever you want to whatever you want to title him um I did tell him that I love him so I already did that and then so day two is tomorrow I don't know if I'm going to be around long enough to do this s week right d I can tell write down a time you felt let down time I felt let down I mean there's a few times who hasn't right so I don't think about this often but it popped into my head for some reason um years ago years ago years ago I was working at one of the hospitals out here and I was um interning at a radio station I was answering their phones and and things like that um and through through that process I this guy I was talking to this guy on the phone when he called and I don't know I think we just hit it off talking or he or he called often or something like that I can't remember the details but basically he kind of asked me I know to go out to dinner with him and um he was only available when I was working so the hospital I was at working at um there was a Denny's across the street and so we made plans to uh meet at Denny's at a certain time uh on my lunch break and he knew what I was wearing I knew what he was wearing he walked in the door he had like one or two friends with him I sat there and watched him and he looked at me and his friends looked at me and they turned around and they all left and never talked him again I don't think I had his phone number or anything um nor did he to have mine it was yeah that I would consider that a let down yeah I call guys yeah like I said I don't think about that often and I don't know why it popped up into my head like it it I'm I'm over it like it doesn't necessarily bother me that every now and then it'll pop into my head um now burn this page and let the paino what are you afraid of right yours here he's afraid of spiky chairs what am I afraid of like deathly afraid I'm afraid of heights which is stupid I mean I'm like if I'm on a step ladder like just like two steps I'm afraid afid I'm going to fall and it's not that far that I would fall but that's I'm afraid of heights so any anything where I'm off the ground remember to reach out when life feels too much put your hands on mine sit with me and breathe through it it's cool oh go okay when you're feeling anxious color these squares in Black any better no do it again here how about now no fck the squares not do the whole page and the next one keep going if you need to I find it really hard to sleep the idea of not sleeping keeps me awake I often find myself staring at the ceiling counting the hours until I've got to be up 5 hours till I have to wake up 4 hours 3 hours etc etc however I think I found a solution can't sleep count the Sheep okay so we got a plain sheep naked sheep chill sheep double sheep black sheep sheo still awake chances are so am I it's all right go make a cup of tea cam mil for me okay I think that might be it for today like I'm trying to keep these around like 10 minutes or something so you know you guys don't get bored all right well I hope you have a good day and thanks for watching bye