簡·林奇（Jane Lynch）2012年史密斯學院演講：活在當下、隨機應變，隨著世界的變化而調整腳步（雙語字幕） | 一屋

十分感谢Christ校长 校董会委员 各位杰出校友 各位荣誉学位得主 我十分荣幸能身为其中一员 其中有建筑师 气象学家 作家 我能担任演讲者只因为我演过《欢乐合唱团》 这是什么世界 各位家长 来宾 当然 还有－2012年史密斯学院全体毕业生 各位女士 你们即将领到一张纸 向世人证明现在你已经有资格加入菁英行列 向世人证明现在你已经有资格加入菁英行列 成为能改变游戏规则的强大女性力量 2012年史密斯学院毕业生 史密斯女性曾经改变了烹调方式 领导社会运动 创作杰出文学作品 以我的朋友－ 1992年毕业生Piper来说 甚至还进了监狱！ 但该死的－即使一位史密斯人入狱 依然能借此机会写出一本充满智慧 引人入胜的书 希望大家明白 你们坐在专属席位上 脸上闪耀着夺目的光彩 在学士帽和学士服的衬托下看起来神采飞扬 希望大家明白 你们是毕业典礼嘉宾 你们的表现确实比我1982年大学毕业典礼当天优秀得多 年轻时 我深受满腹不安和莫名地焦虑所苦 很长一段岁月 我仿佛无头苍蝇似地无所适从 很长一段岁月 我仿佛无头苍蝇似地无所适从 这种持续彷徨的状态导致我寄出毕业登记表时忘了贴邮票 也没附上回邮地址 历经四年心不在焉的大学生活 我成了伊利诺州立大学不折不扣的「C」等学生 谢谢 在有着巧妙名称的伊利诺州诺默尔市 我坐在你们现在所坐的位置 向上帝祈祷 台上会喊出我的名字 让我领到毕业证书 我意识到自己在邮件上犯的愚蠢错误 就在信封离开我的手 落到邮筒里那一刻 我并没有设法补救这个错误 而是做了当我不知所措 试着控制冲动时习惯做的事 而是做了当我不知所措 试着控制冲动时习惯做的事 我将手指交叉 祈祷能有最好的结果 当天 我全家人都坐在观众席中 我戴着学士帽 穿着学士服 当没人注意时 我朝着他们猛挥手 我和好友Jeannie Mahoney合坐在一张椅子上 我和好友Jeannie Mahoney合坐在一张椅子上 我屏住呼吸 祈祷能听见我的名字 当台上喊完L开头的姓氏 开始喊M开头的姓氏时 我的心 沉到谷底 当Jeannie从院长手中接过文凭时 她在他耳边低声说 我的名字没被喊到 令我感激不已地 他在她之后喊了我的名字 虽然他没颁给我毕业证书 但确实和我握了手 我父母坐在观众席后方 对实际情形一无所知 我知道 台下没有任何人会以如此漫不经心的态度 迎接这个重要的日子 因为你们是2012年史密斯学院毕业生 你们是杰出的女性 如果不是 今天就不会在这里 如果不是 今天就不会在这里 我自认对史密斯女性相当了解 因为我和其中一位结为连理 我会了解 是因为我和贵校1991年毕业生Lara生活在一起 也因为我深爱1991年毕业生Lara 在这所卓越的大学就读会造就十分与众不同的体验 在这所卓越的大学就读会造就十分与众不同的体验 你们将踏上不同的人生旅程 但你们永远是史密斯人 你们是杰出的史密斯女性 你们独立自主 聪颖过人 引领潮流 充满自信 而且强势地令人吃惊 正如我说过的 我和其中一位生活在一起 我毫不怀疑你们将会延续这个传统 你们将会改变世界 各位女士 我们确实需要你们 比以往任何时候都需要 但此时此刻 各位年轻女士和Ada Comstocks学者计划成员 在这个喜气洋洋的日子里 我希望你们深吸一口气 用心体会 别虚度了这一天 即使家人的包围令你晕头转向 或也许你本来就有点醉了 请深吸一口气 你们已经顺利完成求学旅程 在这所卓越的教育殿堂里 你们必定付出了全副心力 我想告诉大家 如果我能再年轻一次 我会更用心体会这样的时刻 如果我能再年轻一次 我会更用心体会这样的时刻 我会花更多时间专注于眼前的一切 我会花更多时间专注于眼前的一切 而不是退缩逃避 只因为情况看起来或感觉起来并非我所预期 我不会一直左顾右盼地张望：「然后呢 然后呢」 我不会一直左顾右盼地张望：「然后呢 然后呢」 我会好好享受当下的美妙 迎向生命中的一切 向它大声说「没问题 请继续」 这引出了我今天想和大家分享的主题 今天的主角是你们 但请容我稍微谈一点自己的事 我出生时 是个满脸通红 不满地尖叫着的婴儿 有着闪闪发亮的蓝眼和胖嘟嘟的脸颊 怀着满腹沮丧 我感到自己在这个世界和这副身躯里显得格格不入 因为我坚信 我应该是个男孩 年轻时 我大多时候都沉浸在极度失望的情绪中 年轻时 我大多时候都沉浸在极度失望的情绪中 因为每件事看起来或感觉起来都跟我想像中大不相同 我希望能脱下上衣 骑上自行车 奔驰整个夏天 我希望能脱下上衣 骑上自行车 奔驰整个夏天 我想打少棒 我不想穿洋装或烫头发 我想打少棒 我不想穿洋装或烫头发 只有在湛蓝的天空下才会令我感到自在 所以你们可以想像我今天十分兴奋 但我住在伊利诺州 当地的冬季一直持续到5月 通常不曾经历过春季 如果天色阴暗多云－这在伊利诺州是家常便饭 如果天色阴暗多云－这在伊利诺州是家常便饭 我可怜的妈妈就开始担心我会因为失望而大发雷霆 我可怜的妈妈就开始担心我会因为失望而大发雷霆 我觉得这个世界一切都是针对我 我觉得这个世界一切都是针对我 我就这么度过了将近27年的人生 直到 我经历一个重大的教训 但当时的我几乎毫无所觉 但当时的我几乎毫无所觉 当时我自诩为一位严肃的演员 喜剧演出完全不在我生涯规划的列表上 事实上 我认为这多少有损我的尊严 但出人意料地 The Second City雇用了我 如果有人不知道的话 The Second City是一个芝加哥剧团 没错 它是即兴剧摇篮 曾孕育出Tina Fey Amy Poehler Rachel Dratch Nia Vardolos 和一些你们或许听过的演员 那是他们事业生涯的起点 当时的我是一位十分古板的年轻女子 执着于程序 规则 刚从研究所毕业的我 坦白说 是一位受过传统表演训练的老古板 从事即兴剧表演 就像跳下一座悬崖 这是一门不存在任何规则的艺术 就像跳下一座悬崖 这是一门不存在任何规则的艺术 除了一条规则 这条规则叫做「没问题 请继续」 是即兴剧中极为重要且唯一的规则 是即兴剧中极为重要且唯一的规则 那就是千万别打断同剧演员 你应该有意愿及能力承接同剧演员给你的任何挑战 利用它做为表演的开端 然后「加强或探索」 这是我们的说法 例如 若是我说「把手举起来 抢劫」 若你说 「那不是枪 只是你的手指而已」那就没戏唱了 「那不是枪 只是你的手指而已」那就没戏唱了 或如果我说「今天天气真好」若你说 「不 现在是隆冬 正下着雪呢」戏就唱不下去了 「不 现在是隆冬 正下着雪呢」戏就唱不下去了 或如果我对你说「来吧 亲爱的 我们上床吧」 若你说「你不是我老婆 把你的裤子穿回去」 那要怎么继续 我该怎么办 这一幕到此为止 我会像光着屁股被逮到一样尴尬 好 为了让戏能演下去 我们会肯定另一位演员的说法 这就是规则中「没问题」的部分 我们接受它 加以发展 我们接受它 加以发展 这就是规则中「请继续」的部分 换句话说 为了在人生道路上继续前进 为了充分体验人生 我们必须勇于接受眼前的挑战 无论是什么 好的 坏的 惊心动魄的 令人心碎的 每一种情绪 状况 事件 人物 地点或事物 你们都将会有所体验 这就是我所谓的「没问题」 你们都将会有所体验 这就是我所谓的「没问题」 全心全意地接受和拥抱这一切 采取行动 这就是所谓的「请继续」 你接受它的影响 然后发挥你的影响 你无法让阴天变晴天 但你可以拥抱它 试着让它成为美好的一天 我是由相反的过程领悟到这个道理 令我刻骨铭心的最初体验是从「不 但是」开始 当我还是高一新鲜人时 我参加《丑小鸭》故事系列独幕剧《豌豆公主》中的国王角色试镜 这也是我扮演男性角色的表演生涯起点 这也是我扮演男性角色的表演生涯起点 这也是我扮演男性角色的表演生涯起点 我从小就立志成为演员 因此这个机会令我欣喜若狂 试镜时 我的演出引起满场笑声 但第一次排练时 却得不到同样的效果 我得不到观众的喜爱 于是退出剧团 我深受打击 满腹疑惑 我不明白自己做错了什么 十四岁的我不知该如何处理这种情绪 我爬上毕生渴望的梦想阶梯 我爬上毕生渴望的梦想阶梯 但我还来不及爬高 就面临命运的挑战 于是我转身离开 你们知道为什么吗 因为我得不到想像中的感觉 我得不到观众的回应 例如满场笑声 例如预期中的大受欢迎 我很可能面临失败的处境 于是我转身离开 当时的我还不明白「没问题 请继续」的概念 那就是即使心怀恐惧 依然勇往直前 当你们在人生道路上前进时 在未来漫长的日子里 我保证你会遇上无数次最不想说的就是「没问题 请继续」的情况 你会体验到失 心痛 心爱的人过世 你会体验到失 心痛 心爱的人过世 你或许不得不和爱人说再见 你会遭受拒绝 也许你得面对令人忧心的诊断结果 你会年华不再 解决之道并非在于逃避现实 或假装它不会发生 你无法这么做 你需要做的 是勇敢迎向它们 拥抱它们 让这些体验融入你的生命 将它编织到你的生命脉络中 它不仅会使你坚强 也会使你柔软 你将领悟到同理心的真义 你不会因此而软弱 如果你拥抱眼前的挑战 而不是拒绝面对 就可以掌握它 如果生命给你酸苦的柠檬 请抓住它的角 掌握前进的方向 没错 我混用了三种比喻 别忘了我是个「C」等学生 身为一位满怀焦虑和恐惧的年轻人 身为一位满怀焦虑和恐惧的年轻人 我不顾一切地追寻开启梦想王国的钥匙 让我告诉大家 我做对了什么 高一那年 退出《丑小鸭》演出行列后 高一那年 退出《丑小鸭》演出行列后 我再也不让自己屈服于恐惧的威胁 至少以表演方面来说 并不是说我再也不会感到恐惧 我只是尽力克服它 我几乎不放过任何机会 我几乎不放过任何机会 也许其中有些是我应该放弃的 我并不是建议你们应该对眼前的每个机会都说「没问题 请继续」 我知道你们现在正想着「Jane 如果要你拍色情片呢」 对于这个提议 我得说 我会和你们一样惊讶 因为不曾有人提供我这样的机会 但我该接受这种机会吗 如果生命给我们抢银行的机会 或逃税的途径 如果生命给我们抢银行的机会 或逃税的途径 或假设它给我们几小时 跟卡戴珊家族一起拍摄实境秀的机会 对于这一点 我想告诉大家 请相信自己崇高的自我和内心的声音 你们会知道何时该说「没问题 请继续」 何时该魄力十足地说「想都别想」 这或许不是你们习惯的处事方法 这或许不是你们习惯的处事方法 史密斯学院2012年毕业生 史密斯学院2012年毕业生 你们是高知识份子 你们受过严格的批判性思考训练 在你们面前会令人自惭形愧 你们教育的重点是训练你寻找理论的漏洞 提出质疑 不轻易接受任何事物的表象 提出质疑 不轻易接受任何事物的表象 「没问题 请继续」 这句话或许无法自然而然地从你口中溜出 进入你的人生 你们该做的是诚实地审视自我 辨别自己说「不」的原因是出于恐惧 或只是运用良好判断力的结果 对我来说 最需要克服的困难在于我对计划的依赖 你们或许能理解这一点 我认为必须先有计划或策略才能达成目标 我从小就知道自己想成为演员 我从小就知道自己想成为演员 我有着无法遏抑 充满渴望的野心 在芝加哥南部郊区水泥丛林里长大的我不知该如何才能实现梦想 「给我一份地图或指导手册吧」我向上天祈求 「拜托从天堂派个人下来 牵起我的手 为我指引路径」 我几乎成了邪教徒 因此 我藉由原则和规则寻求安全感 因此 我藉由原则和规则寻求安全感 当我等待着一个明确的行动计划时 至少还拥有一份踏实感的幻象 在这个对我来说总是令人不安 无法预知及瞬息万变的世界中 好 最后的结果是－我还是不得不冒险一试 把握眼前的机会 迎接一切挑战 用「没问题 请继续」 当然 还有全心全意地投入每一件事 当然 还有全心全意地投入每一件事 我想给你们一个忠告 史密斯女性们 接受生命给你的惊喜 别做任何计划 计划是给胆小鬼用的 你们知道 如果我照着计划在人生道路上前进 我永远不可能拥有现在的人生 显然你们十分擅长拟定计划 否则不会在这里 所以快停手 立刻停手 别剥夺自己享受精彩人生的机会 那是你放弃对目标和蓝图的依赖时才有机会体验的 你不需要设定目标 我想 你们或许跟我一样对人生感到彷徨 我想 你们或许跟我一样对人生感到彷徨 所以你们知道 当你感到彷徨不安时 这是个好现象 这象征着「大好良机正等着你」 「某件好事即将发生」 「某件好事即将发生」 所以别忽视这种不安 勇敢地迎向它 有段日子我手头有点紧 有段日子我手头有点紧 我接了一堆喜剧演出 演出对我来说已不再具有吸引力 穿着裤袜参与《Annie》中「It's a Hard Knock Life」 当时我将近四十岁 陷入创造力和职业生涯瓶颈 恐惧其他人会不断地超越我 为自己创作一出戏剧的念头开始从脑海中浮现 为自己创作一出戏剧的念头开始从脑海中浮现 为自己创作一出戏剧的念头开始从脑海中浮现 为自己创作一出戏剧的念头开始从脑海中浮现 令我惶惶不安 因此 在「没问题 请继续」 和不知打哪儿来的胆量驱使下 和不知打哪儿来的胆量驱使下 我做了一些不曾做过的尝试 那是我人生中的第一次尝试 连续八周的星期三夜晚 我自掏腰包租了一座剧场 连续八周的星期三夜晚 我自掏腰包租了一座剧场 我为剧中角色撰写了来自我灵魂最深处的独白 我为剧中角色撰写了来自我灵魂最深处的独白 我创造了一小时欢乐的时光 我战战兢兢地演出 有时恐惧不安 我战战兢兢地演出 有时恐惧不安 有时兴高采烈 我从不曾这么自豪过 这开启了我自信的大门 这仅是个人浅见 我蜕变成一位艺术家 一位脱胎换骨的女性 现在我成了一位蓄势待发 有资格更上一层楼的演员 不久后 我遇见Christopher Guest 获得《人狗对对碰》的演出机会 谢谢 当时我40岁 但我终于跃上主流舞台 这是我从未计划过的事 我也参与了其他使我更接近梦想的盛典 那些场合总是令我想溜之大吉 获得主持艾美奖的机会 获得主持艾美奖的机会 受邀主持《周六夜现场》 受邀主持《周六夜现场》 受邀在史密斯学院毕业典礼演讲 当我内心呐喊着「不」时 口中却不知怎么地冒出「没问题 请继续」 工作并非人生的一切 你最怕说「没问题 请继续」的时刻 也是最有价值的时刻 我指的是亲密关系 无论你们的选择是什么 女士们 丈夫 妻子 或人生伴侣 他们会让你更了解自己 比任何自我省视更有效果 比任何自我省视更有效果 如果在这个过程中 你并没有感到十分恐惧或沮丧 表示你做得并不正确 这会是你最脆弱的一面 我直到将近五十岁时才领悟到这一点 你的伴侣无法避免地会发现你最脆弱的一面 那些你只耳闻过的骇人行为将开始出现在你身上 你心中的魔鬼会毫不犹豫地现身 破坏你们的关系 试着让你无法看清真正的自己 试着让你无法看清真正的自己 你的伴侣会尽可能表现出在这种情况下能展现的温柔 你的伴侣会尽可能表现出在这种情况下能展现的温柔 对你說「这该死的是怎么回事」 连你都会想甩了这样的自己 连你都会想甩了这样的自己 别惧怕这个糟透了的自己 面对它 拥抱它 呵护它 将它写成一首诗 也许它只是需要一个拥抱 别试图掩饰这样的自己 在不知不觉中它会展现出强大的影响力 在不知不觉中它会展现出强大的影响力 它最黑暗的力量将会征服你 请接受它的影响 发掘出其中珍贵的意义 没错 有时说「没问题 请继续」 会让你失去一切 但你获得的回报 充满爱的信任感 美妙地令人难以置信 我与妻子相遇的隔天遇见了我的女儿 我与妻子相遇的隔天遇见了我的女儿 我与妻子相遇的隔天遇见了我的女儿 我不是很喜欢孩子 我比较喜欢狗 但她简直是为我量身订做的孩子 她拥有超龄的机智和聪慧 她拥有宽阔的心胸 对人性的弱点十分宽容 我并不是有意将她形容得像达赖喇嘛似的 我并不是有意将她形容得像达赖喇嘛似的 但她确实与众不同 有一天 你会和自己的孩子相遇 或许是亲生的 或许是收养的 或许她只是与你擦身而过 或许她会跟你回家 我们确实只是与他们「相遇」 因为他们拥有与生俱来的自我 我们并没有创造他们 我们只是迎接他们的到来 没有任何事比知道 他们看着 你更能驱使你成为最棒的自己 我在Haden七岁那年与她相遇 现在她十岁了 我们希望八年后能将她送进这所大学 孩子的存在也提醒我们生命瞬息万变 不断地前进 确实如此 生命的脚步永不停歇 我直到40岁才真正明白这一点 我是一位大器晚成的人 四十大寿对我来说充满期待 我决定为自己办个派对 用实际行动纪念这个日子 所以 某天我迈入40岁大关 所以 某天我迈入40岁大关 你们知道接下来发生了什么吗 我迈入41岁 你们知道之后怎么了吗 我迈入42岁 时间就这么马不停蹄地前进 我的岁数就这么不断地攀升 我喊道「等等 等一下 快来个人替我按下暂停按钮 我才刚习惯40岁而已」 时间的脚步随着年岁的增长而越来越快 世界不断地变化 所以我给你们的建议是：活在当下 随机应变 随着世界的变化而调整脚步 生命就像一出大型即兴剧 请拥抱这个不断变化 不断前进的世界 使用我领悟到的最佳规则：「没问题 请继续」 使用我领悟到的最佳规则：「没问题 请继续」 接受世界原本的面貌 同时找出自己的方向 我十分希望能你们找出自己的方向 你们是独一无二的一群 史密斯女性们 过去四年里 你们成长的这个环境鼓励 你们不仅要做自己 还要做最棒的自己 最强大的自己 你们将拥有许多机会拥抱世界给予你的一切 你们将拥有许多机会拥抱世界给予你的一切 我迫不及待地想看見你们说「请继续」的那一刻 我迫不及待地想看見你们说「请继续」的那一刻 记得我之前提过史密斯女性的强悍吗 我期许你们能强悍地捍卫 姐妹们多年前为我们争取到的妇女健康权 姐妹们多年前为我们争取到的妇女健康权 我知道史密斯女性将会用「没问题 请继续」迎接这场战役 对任何试图剥夺这个权利的人大声说「想都别想」 对任何试图剥夺这个权利的人大声说「想都别想」 最后 我知道你们永远不会忘记在这里经历过的点点滴滴 因为你们是这个卓越传统的一部分 当我和妻子参加某个派对时 她会遇见形形色色的人 如果她碰巧遇见一位史密斯人 如果她碰巧遇见一位史密斯人 她们两人眼睛都会亮起来 她们曾经共享这份深厚的联系 她们都拥有这份独特而非凡的经历 今天 我也成了一位史密斯人 我妻子和你们经过多年努力才得到的这张纸 我妻子和你们经过多年努力才得到的这张纸 我握个手就得到了 我十分骄傲能成为你们的一份子 好好享受这个日子 谢谢大家 thank you president Christ so much the board of trustees distinguished alumni my fellow honorary degree recipients who I am so proud to be in the company of uh we have an architect and a climate scientist a writer I mean I and I get to talk because i'm on glee hahaha what a world we live in parents and friends and of course all of you the smith college class of 2012 you ladies are about to receive a piece of paper that proves to the world you are now fit to join the ranks of an elite and tremendously powerful group of game changing women the Smith class of 2012 Smith women have transformed cuisine spearheaded social movements created great literature and in the case of my friend Piper class of 92 even gone to prison but damn it when a smithy goes to prison she writes a clever and compelling book about it just know the fact that you sit here in a chair assigned to you with your bright shiny faces looking gorgeous in your caps and gowns just know you're welcome you've actually done far more than I was able to accomplish back on my college graduation day back in nineteen eighty two as a young person I was a victim of overwhelming angst and free floating anxiety I spent a great deal of my time running around like a chicken with its head cut off this ongoing frenzy caused me to send in my graduation registration without a stamp or a return address after my four mostly unfocused years as a solid sea student at Illinois state university thank you go big red in the aptly named normal Illinois I sat where you now sit hoping to god my name would be called and I would receive my diploma I realized my postal boo boo just as the envelope left my hand and dropped into the mailbox and instead of figuring out a way to remedy this I did what I have always done when I lack forethought and impulse control I crossed my fingers and I hoped for the best with my entire family out there in the audience wearing a cap and gown that I swiped when no one was looking sitting in a chair that I was sharing with my good friend Jeannie mahoney I held my breath and prayed to hear my name they finished with the l's and were on to the m's when my heart sank as genie took her diploma from ardeen she whispered in his ear that my name had been left out gratefully he called mine after hers of course he didn't have a diploma for me but he did shake my hand and my parents sitting way back at where were none the wiser now I know that none of you would have been so scattered and focused leading up to this day because you are the Smith college class of twenty twelve you are exceptional women if you were not an exceptional woman you would not be here today I feel I know quite a bit about smith women because I married one I know from living with Lara class of ninety one and loving Lara class of ninety one that the experience of attending this fabulous college is simply transformative your lives will take on different paths but you will always be smithy's you are women of Smith you are fiercely independent you are wickedly smart trailblazing Uber confident and shockingly entitled like I told you I live with one of you I have no doubt you will continue this legacy and you will change the world ladies and we need you to now more than ever but in this moment young ladies and Ada comstocks on this most auspicious of days I want you to take a breath and reflect don't blow through this day even if you're overwhelmed with family or maybe you're just a little bit drunk take a breath you have successfully completed a journey at an exceptional institution of learning and attention must be paid i'll tell you if I could do so much of my life over I would have taken more moments like this to breathe I would have spent more time focusing on what was right in front of me instead of recoiling from what is because it didn't look or feel exactly as I imagined it I wouldn't have been forever trying to look around the corner to see what's next what's next I have taken in the beauty of this moment and greeted everything in my life with a big yes and which leads me to what i'd like to talk to you about today and today is all about you but just a little bit about me I was born a red faced screaming malcontent with sparkling blue eyes and chubby cheeks along with this extra helping of angst I felt alien in a world and in my own body as I was sure I should have been a boy I spent most of my youth deeply disappointed so much of the time because nothing ever looked or felt the way I imagined it should I wanted to ride my bike and have my shirt off all summer I wanted to play little league base baseball I didn't want to wear a dress or curl my hair and I was only happy with a clear blue sky so you can imagine i'm thrilled today but I lived in Illinois where winter goes until may and spring usually skips us all together and if a day loomed cloudy as it usually did in Illinois my poor mother would fear my lashing out at the weather for having let me down I took everything so personally and I lived my life this way for about 27 years until my life stepped in with a huge lesson that I was just aware enough to notice now at the time I fancied myself a serious actress sketch comedy was not at all on my radar in fact it was a bit beneath me and out of left field I was hired for the second city and for those of you who don't know the second city is a Chicago institution yes the improvisational breeding ground where the likes of Tina Fey Amy Polar Rachel Drachney of our Dallas along with some guys you might recognize it's where they got their start so there I was a very tightly wound young woman obsessed with process and rules fresh out of grad school I was a classically trained pain in the ass frankly engaging in improvisation the creative equivalent of jumping off a cliff an art where there are no rules save one and that rule is called yes and yes and is a vital and only rule of improvisation it's simply never deny your fellow actor you should be willing and able to accept whatever he throws at you use that as your jumping point and then you heighten or explore it as we like to call it for instance if I say do you stick them up and you say well that's not a gum that gun that's your finger and we have nowhere to go or if I say what a beautiful day it is today and you say no it's now we're in the middle of winter and it's snowing we have nowhere to go from there what if I were to say to you come my darling let's go to bed and you say you're not my wife and put your pants back on now where do we go what do I do with that the scene is dead in the water and i'm literally caught with my pants down well in order for our scene to go forward we affirm what the other is saying which is the yes part of our equation and of course then we take it and we build it that's the and part of the equation in other words in order for our lives to go forward in order to engage fully in life we need to be willing and able to accept what is right in front of us whatever it is the good the bad the thrilling the heartbreaking every emotion occurrence event person place or thing and you will experience them all that's the yes that i'm talking about and the acceptance and the embrace of it with all your heart doing something with it that is the and you accept influence and then you exert influence you can't make a cloudy day a sunny day but you can't embrace it and decide it's gonna be a good day after all I learned through contrast I had one of my first significant experiences of no but when I was a freshman high school I auditioned for and was cast as the king in a one act version of the princess in the peace story called the ugly duckling this also began a lifelong pattern a pattern of mind being cast in roles originally intended for men i'd known I wanted to be an actress right out of the chute so I was beside myself with excitement at the audition I got huge laughs at the first rehearsal I didn't get the laughs I didn't get the love and I quit devastated and so confused I had no idea what I had just done my fourteen year old self had no idea how to process it I had walked up to that which I had ate to do for as long as I could remember and I don't think I go too far when I say I came face to face with my destiny and I walked away from it and you know why because it didn't feel like I imagined it should have felt I didn't get the response I e the big laugh I e the big love like I expected there was now a real possibility of failure and I quit I was at this time unaware of the concept of yes and feeling the fear and doing it anyway now as you travel through life in these many years ahead I guarantee you that you will come upon countless times in which the last thing you're going to want to say is yes and you will experience loss heartache the death of a loved one you'll probably have to say goodbye to a lover you'll experience rejection maybe even have to deal with a bad diagnosis you'll age and the trick isn't to avoid these times or pretend they're not happening because you can't what you'll need to do is step up to them courageously and embrace them allow these experiences to permeate your being and you weave them into the fabric of your life they will not only strengthen you but soften you and you will open your heart to compassion you will not be powerless in this either if you embrace what's happening instead of denying it you can make it your own if life gives you lemons grab it by the horns and drive and yes I just mixed three metaphors remember I was a C student as a younger person full of that anxiety and fear and desperate pursuit of the keys to the kingdom let me tell you what I did right after I walked away from the ugly duckling my freshman year in high school I would never let that fear take me over again at least in the acting department not that I would never feel fear again I just plowed through it I grabbed at almost every opportunity maybe some I should have left at the wayside now this is not to suggest that you should say yes and to every opportunity presented to you and now I know what you're thinking Jane what about doing porno to which I say I am as surprised as you I was never offered the opportunity but what I have said yes to that what if life gives us an opportunity to rob a bank or a way to cheat on our taxes or say it offers us several hours in a row of life with the kardashians hours that we can never get back to this I you can always trust that when you're coming from your highest self and from your heart you'll know when to say yes and or when to engage in the awesome power of no way now this yes and way of life may not be the most natural thing for you smith college class of 2012 you are highly edumicated you are so schooled and critical thinking it almost hurts to look at you the point of your education is to get you to poke holes and theories to question to be loathed to accept anything at face value yes and may not roll trippingly off your tongue and into your life your job is to honestly discern for yourself if you're saying no to an opportunity out of fear or you're simply exercising good judgment now for me the hardest thing to get past was my need to plan and you might you might understand this I thought I had to have a plan or a strategy to get where I wanted to go from my earliest moments I knew I wanted to be a performer and actress I had a driving anxiety filled ambition and growing up in this concrete jungle of a suburb just south of Chicago I had no idea how to get there just show me the roadmap I would beg her just please somebody drop down from the heavens take my hand and show me the way I was ripe for a cult so I took two rules and regulations and parameters and in an effort to feel safe while I waited for that clear plan of action I would at least have the illusion of certainty and what has always felt to me to be an unsafe unpredictable and ever changing world well it turns out that I just had to be willing to take chances look at what's right in front of me and greet everything with a big yes and and of course then putting my heart into everything I do my counsel to you women of Smith college let life surprise you don't have a plan plans are for wusses you know if my life went according to my plan I would never have the life I have today now you're obviously very good planners you wouldn't be here so stop it stop it now don't deprive yourself of the exciting journey your life can be when you relinquish the need to have goals and a blueprint you don't have goals I guess i'm assuming your all of you are as terrified as I was of life so you know that when you feel sick to your stomach it's a good thing it signals opportunity for big growth ahead something's coming something's good so don't ignore the nausea step up to it now at one point in my life i'd had a lean financial year um I was in a bunch of Sketch comedy shows and uh performing it's a hard knock life from Annie and my pantyhose had lost its charm I was stuck creatively and professionally and I was in my late thirties terrified that the parade had passed me by the thought of writing a show by myself and for myself began to bubble up to the surface of my consciousness and it made me very sick to my stomach so with a big yes and and a hood spot I didn't even know I had I created something where there had once been nothing and this was for the very first time in my life on my own nickel I rented a theater for eight consecutive Wednesdays I wrote monologues for characters I had access from the deepest recesses of my psyche and I created a one hour romp which I performed literally stinking of fear and at moments terrified and others simply elated I was never more proud of myself and it blew wide open the doors of my self confidence I emerged in my humble opinion an artist and a changed woman i was now one poised for and deserving of the next level and I met Christopher guest shortly thereafter I was cast in best in show thank you I was forty years old but I was finally in the game and I never could have planned this other momentous occasions where my dreams were about to come true and I wanted nothing more than to flee the scene being offered the opportunity to host the emmys being asked to host a Saturday night live being asked to give the commencement speech at Smith college when my inside screamed no I somehow got my mouth to say yes and now as you know life is not all about work and the scariest places to say yes and are also the most rewarding relationship whoever you choose ladies your husband your wife your partner will make you see more about yourself than any naval gazing in solitude could ever reveal and if the process isn't completely horrifying and frustrating then you're just not doing it right this will be your most vulnerable place I put it off until I was almost fifty your partner will inevitably see your soft underbelly shocking behavior you only read about will start to become your own your demon will rise up righteously to destroy your relationship in the guise of saving yourself from really seeing yourself and your partner will say to you with all the tenderness that situation allows what the fuck you'll want to break up with yourself don't be afraid of this horrible version of yourself face it embrace it coddle it write it a poem maybe it just needs a hug shine the light of day on this part of you unclaimed and unacknowledged it's got the power and its darkest forces will have you enslaved accept its influence mine it for its gold yep sometimes saying yes and is going to take everything you've got but the payoff trusting in love is just incredible the day after I met my wife I met my daughter and I don't really like kids i'm a dog person I couldn't have designed a better kid for me though she's witty she's wise beyond her eight years she has a huge heart and such patience with the frailties of human nature that I don't mean to make her sound like the DalaI Lama but she is exceptional exceptional at one day you will meet your child you may give birth to her you may adopt her she may just wander over or maybe she'll follow you home and we do meet them because they're born who they are we don't make them we welcome them nothing like knowing they're watching you will make you want to be your best self Hayden was seven when I met her she's ten now and eight years we hope to be dropping her off right here children also remind us that life is constantly changing and moving ever forward it is true it does not stop I really came to know this is when I turned forty years old I am a late bloomer folks the big four o was much anticipated for me I resolved to have a party for myself and actually market celebrate it say yes and to it so then I turned forty year old forty years old one day and you know what happened I turned forty one and then you know what happened I turned forty two and it just kept going on like that the number just kept going up I was like wait wait somebody press the pause button I just got used to being forty and the time goes faster as you get older and the world keeps changing so my advice to you live in the moment stay fluid role with those changes life is just one big extended improvisation embrace the ever changing and ever evolving world with the best role i've ever found yes and accept the world for what it is and at the same time make it your own and I especially want you to make it your own you are a particular variety of person ms smithy you have spent the last four years in an environment that is encouraged you not just to be yourself but to be your best self your strongest self you will have many opportunities to embrace the world has for you and I can't wait to see the ways in which you say and remember that Smith women entitlement that I spoke of earlier i'm counting on yours to ferociously guard the women's health care rights our sisters won for us years ago right and I know you women of smith will greet that fight with a big yes and and anyone who tries to take them away from you with a big no way in conclusion I know you'll never forget your experience here because you are a part of an incredible legacy i'll be at a party with my wife and she'll be meeting one person after another and if by chance she happens upon upon a fellow smithy both their eyes light up they already share a profound connection they both had a unique and extraordinary experience and today I become a smithy that same piece of paper that my wife and all of you toiled for years to get I get for a handshake and I am so proud to be one of you enjoy this day and thank you so much