Gogglebox legend Stephen Webb on dating after his split with co-star Daniel Lustig | Suddenly Single

Intro hello and welcome to Suddenly Single the new and hilarious dating podcast where we're going to get our celeb mates to tell us about their dating disasters we're also going to have a few experts in the studio to tell us where you and I are going rock come on and I don't think you've got enough makeup on on this episode of suddenly singer we've got a a nation's favorite really he's been on GoGo box for many many years is with his husband that he's now divorcing but he's also putting himself through the grill on some other show yeah he got us through Co 12 years of him and Daniel on the sofa and now in the middle of a divorce he's putting himself on cele dating which I think is brave because I've been watching it let's find out what he has to [Music] Interview say hi we're here with Steven from goggle box today I'm sure most of them of you will know him from that show but the show that I knew you from at the moment is celeb go dating I'm absolutely loving every episode and our podcast is called Suddenly Single which happened to you yeah okay so we just want you we wanted to ask you in to talk to you about how it's going well we know how some of it's going because we're watching it on television but how has it been for you splitting up again in your because can I just ask do you mind saying are you in your 50s now I am yeah 53 yeah exactly so we're all of a similar age and being out there again at that age P it's like seriously is it me I going to do this again really am I going to do this again so we thought you'd be a brilliant person to come well luckily for me you know I haven't I haven't started on any of the apps or anything like that because I was offered STS go dating so I thought what a perfect way to get back into the day world so I've had it easy really I've had them all lined up for me but you've had you're used to spending a bit of time in front of the camera in your home or that kind of setup and then you've gotone into dating on camera is there any big differences you thought actually this is completely different from that show to this show I've really got to show a different side of me or is it similar uh well the camera thing never bothered me while I was doing the dates because I was like you say I was used to it at home just having a camera pointed at us constantly when we were eating drinking farting whatever you was it one night a week that they film you or is it every night it was three nights a week to start it's quite intrusive though when you're it is and all you know bringing all the kit in skir and Boards took a right B the dating obviously I've been out of the dating game now for 12 years yeah so um very Rusty very Rusty and I have got I will admit a kind of 1970s Benny Hill kind of sense of humor which doesn't go down well with the under 30s yeah there's an age divide for sure yeah so I've had to tune that in I've learned from being on St go dating that I may be a little bit archaic is it archaic or they're a bit res reticent to join the party yeah maybe well I just think there's a lot of people out there that are ready to be offended and ready to cancel you so I was quite aware of that not not straight away but maybe not necessarily when you're dating yeah it's like you're dating there to meet somebody and have a good time and have a good night might not be the love of your life but we've had a couple of pints or a couple of glasses of champagne and it should be fun shouldn't it yeah well I'm up front I'm straight to the point and I asked maybe probing questions and a couple of of my dates were like I feel attacked I feel offended yeah but then well yeah yeah so I was like taxy at least you're making an effort to chat and ask and how are you because otherwise everybody's on their perches just going yeah yeah I'm not sure about that and then step back from saying anything yeah it's true but going back to that generational thing since being on the show and I met Ella Ella Morgan yes um and and I've got friends that are older than me 63 and into the 70s that don't kind of get that whole trans thing yeah you know and um so for anyone who doesn't know who Ella is she's um transgender and she's beautiful absolutely stunning and she's very very naughty and she I love her one of one of the participants on the show yeah yeah um so and I haven't got any other friends that are trans so this is me getting to know Ella for the first time and and getting educated by her so I now feel like I can go back to my older friends that don't get a lot more of it than I didn't get at the start and kind of yeah I guess we just need to understand each other a bit more and be less judgmental yeah Planet wide right yeah are you you've very much through the filming of of of celebs go dating has your mentality changed you know assume that you know you you've a brace this in the way that you might meet somebody so the first couple of dates you're going out cleaning your teeth and squirting some After Shave on and hoping that this is the one or you're now going out and putting holy water over outside and some garlic and going okay you talk first has it started to change how you um no I did I did kind of filter it a little bit towards the end but I did always say to the the agents you'll know when I meet someone that I'm keen on cuz I'll go really quiet if I if I don't really fancy you from the I'm kind of probably going to be a little bit flippant and that's what I was you at some point I presume unless you get whisked off in the final episode of celebs and th somebody throws you over their shoulder and takes you off are going to end up dating outside of that show will you go on the apps um I personally won't no really yeah why because it's maybe that generational thing it w about when I was dating 12 years ago I think you feel you could still go to a bar and meet somebody um well I always kind of like all of us I guess dreamed of meeting someone quite organically like you know you know going through a revolving door holding some books you dro the book someone else pick them up and you look into each other's eyes and you're like but that's exactly how I met my soon to be ex-husband we were both in a queue for parking permits in h toown Hall and I kind of clocked him in the queue and was kind of making eyes at each other and um yeah we got talking and that that that what is it about gay guys that have that they they don't just um secure the meat they deliver on it going to the next level whereas cuz we're all horny buggers is that what it must be that because the amount of times that I've seen a girl think well she looked and I don't know if to say something or and vice versa you might have seen a guy and you think he looked over but we don't seal the deal yeah yeah we do we do don't we yeah so what so in the future just going to hang out ho Parking Department and hope you going to bump into somebody else yeah I just you know just I just want it to happen naturally you know yeah so you know like I'm I'm going tracking going up to do hell Valen Helen is it hen Helen in the lakes and then drop down there go up scarfield Pike you know so you you're quite fit then um is that your IDE just recently lost two and a half Stone really yeah yeah what was that about was that deliberately cuz you knew you were going out on the dating Arena or well no I broke my ankle on dancing on ice and then I but then you usually put waight on after something like that you can't move well I put it that's where I put it on cuz I was at home for three three four months not moving right okay yeah so got to the ninth day of training so never even made the live I you broke Yeah I broke the ankle I kind I attempted to jump yeah and in mid midair I was meant to turn and then face the other way when I landed landed right leg went forward leg went left leg went back and I landed on the on the left leg and I picked up my leg and my ankle just went oh my God so yeah I've got two metal pins and two plates either side oh my God and you never even got on the show never even got on the show so that's where the weight came on afterwards com and then how did you get rid of it then so once the leg was healed I was um back at the gym and out running and um yeah I was taking a certain meal replacement shake but we keep talking about when you come out into dating after many years in a relationship or a partnership or come out of not doing anything and you decide it's quite frightening because it's the first time you're going out there and meeting you're putting your up yourself up to be judged yeah 100% do you find that yeah and you're trying to now resell yourself like you know and you've got I mean I my breakup with my husband's been really amazing and we're still the best of friends really yeah but you still come out of that with a little bit of baggage it didn't work and that's you know that is upsetting so that's going to take a little bit longer to get over I guess so I guess you go then out back out into the dating scene and you've got a few vulnerabilities you know and you're trying to resell yourself and Rebrand yourself you know so it's tough it's tough do you have any red flags I mean um nasal hair yeah that one before Harrison no yeah um no I guess well I don't know there's so much terminology around now all this love bomb in and all I didn't know what that was I do now but um I when I met some when I meet someone for the new time first time or early days I am quite gifty and a friend of mine Ella actually said is are you sure you're not love bombing bombing them but I didn't even know what love bombing was to ke to Keen yeah well that's just part of my always been like it I've been very gifty and treat people and spoil people I like it I I kind of get a kicked from that so I guess I'm not love bom me and that's part of my love language so if you meet someone you very quickly send them flowers or yeah oh yeah I am how do you navigate the the split of your uh relationship your marriage and still stay friends and have presumably mutual friends in common but then want to embark on being a single guy and meeting people and for him to do that as well well we're going to I think me and Daniel should write a book on how to separate as a gay couple I think that'd be really good we're still living together yeah here we've got obviously got our tasks in the house and our chores that we we do so he's still cooking for me I'm still washing his pants yeah um we are in separate bedrooms but um we're just like he's I've said this before he is one of the best things that ever happened to me and and um I'm get a bit choked up now um and um I I'm not going to never be friends with him I'm not going to let that happen Daniel come on to SB go dating with me and was filmed picking out outfits for me to wear which I think he did Stitch me up on one was that the sh when they said you look like a school boy at the bottom and a grandad on the top was it that no that monstrosity was my doing was it no one he set me out in kind of all black and looked a bit like Danny Zuko but yeah yeah maybe he's not quite cut the tie yeah no so um I think you should do something like or do something online about it because it'd be really interesting to read it because most relationships by the definition of breaking up breaks up the normal relationship that you've had of respect and and love because it goes out the window because normally one person doesn't want it to happen yeah and obviously I spearheaded the divorce but we just took a a lot of time I me the day I told him we just kind of canceled everything uh went to the shops brought loads of chocolate and crisps and sweet everything just sat indoors all day and we just spoke about why our whole relationship when we first met all the amazing things we've done together and we just went through it all and it was really cathartic do you think that you're confident you'll meet somebody quite quickly because it sounds to me like you've done a lot of the work already to get to this point well I I got offered to go on SB go dating and I'm not going to lie I didn't go on there looking for a partner I went on there for a punch absolutely um so that wasn't my goal I'm quite happy to be single um and if someone comes along someone comes along do I think I'll ever find anyone like Daniel again I'm he's going to be a hard one he's going to be a hard one to beat because he he was really good to me yeah really good to me and continues to be yeah and but yeah he does but I just so what was lacking for you then why are you moving on um I don't know I guess we just I think we both switched off so and we stopped working at it and I also went through quite a lot of trauma over the last year lost both my parents and I just thought I'm 53 I want I want I want a new life I want to I want another go at something else and I've always switched it up in my 20s my 20s were all about being in London partying yeah my 30s were about paying my debts off and going traveling so I spent all my 30s traveling my 40s I met Daniel and I spent all those married happily and great completely faithful yeah um and now my 50s I'm I don't know I feel like a bit you know want to do a bit for Shirley Valentine out there and get out there and and discover something you're still young enough to do those things yeah and I want to learn I want to change I want to develop and I don't I'm not sure that me and Daniel could have done that together past this point I do think when you hit your 50s you do I I'm not going to be M dramatic and say I think about death but I do think what have I got 15 healthy years yeah so how do I want to spend those yeah exactly and um we had very different ideas of what we want to do in those next 15 years so um yeah I just want to do a lot more traveling I've spent a lot of time in India my mom before she passed away she she spent a lot of time in India she send six months there six months here and she'd live like a queen over there you know on very little a day so and um yeah and I don't think Daniel fancied that idea so time for you to do home yeah have you had any friends introduce you or put you in touch with somebody that they think would be a good partner not yet no although no one of my friends Carly actually we going away for her 50th and she did say someone's coming I think you might like have you seen the photograph I no oh that's the first mistake so um no not yet necessarily India sounds exciting though yeah it's I just love India when I went there in my third it was my 30th birthday and um I kept getting reoccurring tonsilitis and I got the letter through to have them taken out and on on the day of my 30th birthday and I phon them up and I went you joking come on it's my 30 and they're like well if you don't come in you're going back to the back of the queue so I thought right I'll just go so I went to King's Cross hospital I was in there I thought I'd go in at two be out or don't know they ruptured and I was in for like five days oh my God so I was on the ward thinking what haven't I done with my life you know cuz I'm in a hosit for 5 days and I thought I've never been traveling and two weeks later I landed at 3:00 in the morning in India wow yeah W and I was like [ __ ] what have I done cuz it's you know if you've never been there before it's it's you went on your own as well yeah wow yeah and it's back then I don't know if it still is but all the flights landed early hours of the morning right so it was dark yeah and you you know people are sleeping on the street and yeah it's just all sounds like Brighton on Saturday night yeah um we have a relationship expert Francine which I can't believe she's going to have any advice for you because you seem to have processed everything correctly to get to the point that you're at I'll give her a few tips you have me on next week as the expert Relationship Expert [Music] and this is our expert as you probably know by now Francine K relationships expert the divorce doctor which is great for stevenh because you're just getting a divorce aren't you we've not even started the process yet you haven't even started no we're sorting other things out first um we thought that that's there not really big rush on that one we're just going to do a little quick 500 quid over the Internet kind of Dev if you do it at all yeah oh no we definitely will do it I'll make sure you was telling us before you came in that it's been a very respectful split that they still share the same house the same roof and but are very encouraging to respect each other's space and that's how they're going to move forward and had a very big Fel by lots of chocolate talk about how splitting up and how it would be and it seemed like a lot of processing has already been done with the breakup of the relationship that's can I just say the next person that dumps me can you come around with chocolate and sweeties cuz it will make it much easier for you'll get upset every time somebody turns up with some chocolate to do that with dignity to do actually to divorce with dignity and to be amicable actually leads to something that I like to call the emotional completion because divorce is really just about the legal piece of paper and the finances what's really tender and what's really important is the emotional divorce because you otherwise you're not complete so you want to really get to that stage where you can say thank you so much for having me I've loved it yeah I think we're there yeah we're there and um we still maybe five months ago one of us would have a wobble and need a bit of a hug and a bit of a cuddle and we have a cry and so we've kind of supported our each other in that and there was quite not yeah about 5 months ago I had the wobble and said I don't know if we're doing the right thing and in that moment I Daniel could have said okay let's give it one more go and be selfish but he didn't he went no you are you are making the right decision you're just having a wobble and we'll get through today and the next day I woke up and I was like yeah I am making the right decision so he yeah so we kind of supported each other in our wobbles as well so for you so coming to the end of it as you've come to the end of it this is so interesting for people of a certain age as well because we're a little bit older so it isn't necessarily you know we've not got the you we're not young anymore as young as we were what's that like for you um for me I'm really excited I'm at an age now where I fully know who I am um I accept how I look my height my you know everything about me and so I'm excited and I just think um it the next forever how long is going to be be about me and if someone else comes into that then that's fine if not they don't so I'm actually just excited for the next chapter of my life yeah and looking back now in hindsight because we can be so clever in hindsight if you would have known what you know now about a year or so ago do you think it may not have come to an end oh well I do know the answer to that because I knew a lot longer I was slowly checking out of the marriage so I kind of knew that and I was um presenting I thought uh behavior and attitudes maybe towards Daniel but I don't think he was picking up on those cues so therefore I was left on my own for a while with those and then had to just be quite blunt and so what exactly was which was I wanted AB both so you were kind of hoping he was going to catch on I was hoping he was going to meet me halfway and say and I don't know um so what stopped you when you kind of knew actually saying I'm not I'm not happy I don't think this is working for me anymore what what made me finally do it no what made What stopped you you know you were giving the cues and the clothes see this is so interesting for people because when people are in relationship together um one person generally says but I thought that they had an inkling I thought that they knew and it seems to have come as such a shock to them how is it that they didn't know you know we weren't having as much sex we weren't as you know we weren't going out that much we weren't doing all of that and I always wonder what stopped you from actually saying at the time or did you not really I was nine times out of 10 when it would come out was when IID had a few drinks of course so then in the morning when Daniel would then say oh you said some things last night then I'd have beer fear and and I'd be like that be Fe and then try and R it back him because although I was feeling like that like I thought the marriage was ending I didn't want to hurt him so were saying earlier isn't it it's a lot of respect yeah so and then it just got to a point where I thought I've got I've just got to say it out loud now because I now I'm hurting myself yes and I felt like I was coming a bit depressed and a bit flat where I weren't living in the life I wanted to live was there more pressure because you had a very famous relationship on television and that was coming to an end as well you think all these people that love us as a unit and I'm going to be the person that could be seen as splitting it all up stopping the party yeah there was a little bit of that pressure CU I knew there was going to be media interest in it and that's why we kept it really quiet for at least six months to ourselves like not even friends friends didn't even know really yeah so um but that gave you time didn't it yeah exactly that actually gave you the time to do the emotional disconnect yeah gently yeah exactly and um we're still like we are still emotionally connected he like he only has to look at me and he knows what I'm thinking sort of thing or if I'm upset or so um yeah and he knows just yeah we're really good friends and really supportive of one another it's really nice actually well that's a reflection and you as well though that you had a partner that could do that yeah both ways across I think that's both of our personalities that are have made that work and and both of us for the respect and love for for one another so yeah I wouldn't I wouldn't take all the credit he's got to have a bit of it as well absolutely but not as much as me right goldfish ball of Fishbowl of Truth Truth just to get out of here if you like to go first your story will be unique and you can take one for when it's your turn oh thank you one for you t oh me right what the questions Stephen if you were on a dating app what would be your must have in a partner how interesting a p no what my what age range do they have to live geographically close to you have a good hair cut yeah do they have to have hair you know what is it I think they just have to be for me um emotional intelligence and being able to display emotion is a big one for me and being passionate in what you do if someone's really passionate about their job or their hobby or whatever I I get I really like that you're passionate about hairdressing um no now go box TV what's your passionate about life yeah I'm passionate about you know the Great Outdoors I love that and stuff so um yeah it doesn't matter what if it's your job or your hobby or something that you've got a bit passion for ice skating ice skating yeah so yeah right what's your one oh dear I'm not going to be as witty as Stephen what's the biggest mistake when you choose a partner go for your pattern not seeing the red flags yeah that's the biggest mistake it is it is yeah or seeing them and ignoring them yeah yeah yeah so they go yellow Amber red no I still got to see nothing no no see nothing see nothing do you normally finish your relationship or are you the one that leaves it to the other person oh that's a good one that a bit of both really but you know relationships that are finished for me you probably want it to continue and then it doesn't for whatever reason um but I was a bit like you what you were describing that you knew you emotionally checked out a little bit ahead of the other person realizing you start to do things that you almost not cause fights but you want them to start to challenge things and I've done that but um so a bit of both really I think if you're not the one that's spearheading the separation I think it's harder it's yeah it's very there should been in the other foot and Daniel was telling me then yeah I think that would have been more painful know even if you know it's it's dodgy you know and it's had its day you got to get in there quick ah when was the last time a partner bought you flowers oh god well that would have been over two years ago probably about uh three four maybe even five years ago oh it's terrible isn't it not really because you know I buy my own flowers yeah exactly well me too cuz it's also when did you last have a partner yes exactly very true can't remember at least a year no I buy my own flowers well I I've learned a lot I think you um thanks for coming in but I also look forward to seeing some you posting some pictures on Instagram from hopefully India in the new year yeah and if you do write the book you've got to come back in yeah I will thanks for having me see you again a gigle join us again next time I'm suddenly sing out of here so next week we have the original wag reality star and presenter Lizzy cundy she's known for her amazing fashion sense and she opens up about why her marriage broke down to Chelsea and England player Jason and reveals that there may be a new man on the scene I'm coming I'm coming up I'm coming I'm coming up