Dave Chappelle Stunted Finally Speaks Out On The Closer Special Addresses Controv#

it's been said in the press that I was invited to speak to the transgender employees at Netflix and I refuse that is not true if they had invited me I would have accepted it although I am confused about what we are speaking about I said what I said and boy I heard what you said my God how could I not you said you want a safe working environment at Netflix well it seems like I'm the only one that can't go to the office [Applause] anymore I want everyone in this audience to know that it even though the media frames us that it's me versus that community that is not what it is do not blame the LBGTQ Community for any of this [ __ ] this has nothing to do with them it's about corporate interest and what I can say and what I cannot say for the record and I need you to know this everyone I know from that Community has been nothing but loving and supporting so I don't know what all this nonsense is is about in summer 2020 when the whole world shut down I was outside doing shows my neighbor had a cornfield and he let me throw shows there and people came from all over the country some people came from around the world see those shows the best comedians on Earth came to my home and broke bread with me and we lived Our Lives we found a way to keep moving [Applause] [Music] forward I made a whole documentary about it the first night of those shows was a piece that some of you might have seen it was called 8:46 and it dealt with the death the murder of George Floyd this film that I made was invited to every film festival in the United States some of those invitations I accepted and when this controversy came out about the closer they began disinviting me from these film festivals and now today not a film company not a movie studio not a film festival nobody will touch this film thank God for Ted randles and Netflix he's the only one that didn't cancel me yet to the transgender Community I am more than willing to give you an audience but she will not summon me I am not bending to anybody's demands and if you want to with me I'd be more than willing to but I have some [Applause] conditions first of all you cannot come if you have not watched my special from beginning to end you must come to a place of my choosing and a time of my choosing and thirdly you must admit that Hannah Gatsby is not [Applause] funny I desperately want people to see this movie but I understand why investors would be nervous since nobody will touch it I'll tell you what I'll do I will make it available for all of you in 10 American CI going on sale in the next few days you will be able to see this movie in its entirety and you can see what they're trying to obstruct you from seeing yes sir and you can judge for yourself but you cannot have this conversation and exclude my voice from it that is only fair you have to answer the question am I cancelled or not then let's go thank you very much and good night is probably the first person that I ever looked at a photograph of and was like yeah he rapes not sure this [ __ ] has a choice [Laughter] not a handsome man not lot of meat and extra skin on his [Laughter] face yeah he's ugly you know the sad part is he's done so well in life he probably doesn't know he's ugly you know when you're good-looking everybody will tell you oh you look wonderful you're so great looking when you're ugly you got to figure that [ __ ] out for yourself it's a lot of putting Clues together who is why am I not getting in the club I got all the right [ __ ] [Laughter] onz if it was Brad Pit doing that [ __ ] you wouldn't heard a peep the girl just come back down like I got the part yck yet and yet it is important that I acknowledge ladies you are absolutely right there you go they got to all be mindful of that guys because uh it's could happen to any of us it happened to me I can see that see myself showing up hi am here from my 3:00 a.m. with Mr Weinstein hey Harvey I got your text I'm here to talk about the script seems like it's going to be hard to read and candl light but I guess I could try sound like a [ __ ] nightmare could you imagine that [ __ ] did you imagine if he was in a business meeting and a [ __ ] pulled their dick out in the middle of the meeting I be like yo yo my my man this is the most unprofessional [ __ ] I've ever seen in all my days just let me finish D pal I'll put you in all three Lord of the Rings hurry up [ __ ] I have other meetings enough I have a 4:30 a.m. at Brett ratner's house and I believe it's wardrobe fitting I'm serious one time racism saved my life man I was I was on a plane I I was coming I was coming from overseas and uh I don't know how this guy got a machine gun on the plane but he still up man he said everybody get on the [ __ ] ground nobody look at my face I started freaking out cuz he was Chinese I was like why is he talking like [Applause] that was screaming and crying I was the only brother on the plane I thought I was the only brother I looked over there was one of the black dude he was from Nigeria I looked over them he was looking right in my face man he didn't say two words to me he just looked at me he was like he didn't need to talk I know just we was talking about I look right back at him I was right some white dudes on the front of the plane scena they were like oh my God I think those black guys are going to try to save us m- we were just communicating that we understood the situation we were both seeing the same thing what we understood was simple Paris don't take black hostages that's the truth I have yet to see one of us on the news reading the hostage letter um that is treating us good uh we all chilling and [ __ ] I like to give a shout out to Ray Ray and big Steve and T some newp you're not going to see it terrorists are smart they know what they're doing there you know they terrorists they know black people's bad bargaining chips they call the White House hello we have got five black hello it's really some scary [ __ ] I got to tell you Harry W you got to make life interesting like that cuz the [ __ ] is flimsy life is flimsy you think you going to live a but not going to live forever it's dangerous out here we know what's going on I travel now you know I used to think DC had the roughest ghettos in the country nah [ __ ] I have seen some [ __ ] now oh there's some rough rough areas outside of DC yeah everybody should go to the ghetto I was taken to the ghetto one time that's the worst when you get taken you not expecting to go usually you want to know when you go in the ghetto like I'm going to see some wild [ __ ] I got to prepare myself I'm going to see something crazy when you're taking it's different I had a limousine driver it was after a show it was late tonight was like 3:00 in the morning I had a limousine driver he's a nice guy talking to me and [ __ ] oh hey where you from dog DC word that's a rough City man and the cell phone started ringing hold on one second hello oh what's up [ __ ] what what the [ __ ] sto that what what the [ __ ] no no no [ __ ] that [ __ ] [ __ ] it I'm on my way hey I got to make a stop real quick at 3:00 in the morning and I didn't know he was taking me to the ghetto at first I started looking out the window I was like what the [ __ ] gun store gun store look store Gun Store where the [ __ ] you taking me this don't look good he didn't say [ __ ] just pulled up in front of an old rickety building that looked like a project now I never been there before I'm not sure if it was a project but it certainly had all the familiar symptoms of a project a [ __ ] crackhead ran this way and then and then another one jumped out a tree and [Applause] [ __ ] and I said I'll be right back and left me took the keys with me and just left me at 3:00 in the morning in front of a project in a [ __ ] limousine this was not good I was like man I got to look around and see if I can see some landmarks marks and figure out where I'm at might have to escape on foot now this is when I knew I was in a bad neighborhood you only see this in the worst neighborhoods remember it's 3:00 in the morning it's 3:00 in the morning I look out the window it was a [ __ ] baby standing on the corner and the baby the baby he didn't even look scared he was just standing there I mean it made me sad it made me sad really you know I mean cuz I wanted to help the baby I like I don't trust you either I'm sorry click click the old baby on the corner trick he not going to fall for that [ __ ] as where as this limousine driver you know I st feeling bad as time goes by I start feeling worse like man what is wrong with me what the hell is wrong I am scared of a baby and this baby could be in trouble he might need my help I got to do something but I wasn't going to get out the car I'm serious man I just cracked the window a little bit there's a old limousine I can roll it down [Applause] hey baby baby go home man it's 3:00 in the morning what the [ __ ] are you doing out the baby said I'm selling weed [ __ ] I said oh I was expect that I'm sure I had to buy two bags from the call my let get two let me get to fun got back in the car and rolled me a joint man that [ __ ] was scary man every once in a while like a crack here would come up to the car and look in the window it's like Jurassic parking should he be looking on the car hey get out of here crackie that baby was still standing there man what then I start feeling bad again yeah weed make you feel guilty sometimes man what is wrong with me man I have just bought weed from a from an infant I can't condone this kind of behavior what am I thinking I can't let the fear ruin my morals got to do something hey baby stop selling weed all right you got your whole life ahead of you he said [ __ ] you [ __ ] I got kids to feed I said God Dam Sam and just at that very moment one of the crackhead was running across the street and got hit by a car I know it was a hidden run the police did it that's all right they springing some crack on him and got back up I almost protested the war in the beginning almost till I saw what happened to them Dixie Chicks I said [ __ ] that if they'll do that to three white women they will tear my black ass to pieces I don't want to hear that [ __ ] Yeah man they would but I'm like for real why why you care so much with the Dixie Chicks say they not like they political scientist or nothing they just [ __ ] that can sing good you know what I mean stop worshiping celebrity so much just don't let don't pay attention I remember right around September 11th uh J Ru was on MTV that's what they say we got JW rule on the phone let's see what jaw's thoughts are on this tragedy who gives a [ __ ] with J Rule thanks for the time like this [ __ ] this is ridiculous I don't want to dance I'm scared to death I want some answers that J Ru might not have right now you think when bad [ __ ] happens to me I be in the crib like oh oh my God this is terrible CU somebody please find y' rule get hold of this [ __ ] so I can make sense of all this where is j i me J [Applause] R I've been seen that kind of [ __ ] man it's what it is they use the TV to program us from a young age you ever watch like a cartoon that she used to watch me a little as an adult [ __ ] is is wild [ __ ] some wild [ __ ] I mean like I was with my nephew we sitting there we watching peepul Pew I said to my neigh I said now pay attention to this guy cuz he's funny I used to watch him when I was little and we watching peepul Pew and I'm old man I'm looking like good God kind of [ __ ] rapist is this guy like take it easy my nephew was sitting there cracking up see sometimes you got to take the [ __ ] like pppe like no no no I had to turn the channel real quick I turned on Sesame Street I said oh Sesame Street this is much better CU now he'll learn how to count and spell but now I'm watching it as an adult and I realize Sesame Street teaches kids other things and teaches kids how to judge people and label people that's right they got char on there named Oscar and treat this guy like [ __ ] the entire show they judge him right in his face Oscar you are so mean isn't it kids yeah Oscar you're a grouch it's like [ __ ] I live in a [ __ ] trash can from the poest [ __ ] on Sesame Street nobody's helping me then you wonder why your kids grow up and step over homeless people get it together Grouch get a job Grouch so don't even tell me how to get to Sesame Street that is a terrible place I wouldn't go there if I knew the way who would want to live in a neighborhood like that [ __ ] six foot pigeons walking around an elephant that's a junkie hyper hey that's right Snuffy hi bird I'm sick I need some smack bird and cooking monster with his eyes popping out his head cookie cookie cookie like e kind of cookies are you talking about chocolate chips don't do that to p and they had the nerve to put a pimp on there they didn't come out and say he's a pimp but I know what pimp when I see one they called him the count had a tape and everything you a s pimping [ __ ] where is my money you've been late four times I've been counting how many times must I smack you before you act right one two two [Music] smacks what's what I'm waiting for cuz the timing of this Michael Jackson [ __ ] is what makes me doubt it every time there's Wars going out of control or the economy gets bad or something is wrong with The World At Large it's always these moments in history that Michael Jackson will coincidentally jerk off a kid this is getting ridiculous like are you planning this [ __ ] do you have meetings Michael thank you for coming as you know Michael the war has not been going as well as we expected there's been a lot of hiccups and the public is asking us a lot of questions of course and well Michael there's no nice way to say this and all I know how to do is be direct so let me just be direct we're going to need you to jerk off another child Mike I'm sorry I am sorry but it would really help out or maybe he didn't who knows who knows that's the thing that's what I wanted to say who knows who the [ __ ] knows Mike God and this little boy know that's that's about it it's about it only reason that I can even talk about this [ __ ] is because everybody is speculating they all think he did it and I don't think he did it I'm alone in this I don't think he did it I'm not gonna say I don't think he did it that's too strong let me just say I am reserving judgment until all the facts come out but so far from what I heard I mean the kid said he's down of cancer he was in Make A Wish Foundation he claims he had two weeks to live and it was his dying wish to meet Michael Jackson come on man give me a [ __ ] break this kid is 10 years old he don't remember Thriller the [ __ ] he want to meet Michael Jackson for honestly I remember Thriller and I just like kind of want to meet this [ __ ] like I wouldn't break an appointment to meet him I'll put it that way I'd have to already be free that's ridiculous it's like if I'm dying in two weeks and go oh mama oh get me in the room with chubby chucker I wouldn't want to meet that [ __ ] my last two weeks why not Usher or somebody like this so then the kid claims he goes to Michael's house this is where it all gets crazy I don't like you know he does everything you'd expect at Michael's house they uh climb trees and Rod roller coasters and Ferris wheels the chef made cookies pies and cakes they was petting the monkey and the giraffe sing songs kid [ __ ] and in the middle of all this childlike activity for some reason Mike pulled out some wine and some pills and sucked this kid's dick folks it hurts me to say it and the kid had the nerve to call that abuse [ __ ] that is a good host God damn what else do you want what else do you want I'm lucky to get a glass of of GRA drink in my friend's house I on road coaster riding my dick sucked Mike must be confused like I brought you in my house I fed you I sucked your dick and this is how you repay me [ __ ] this was your wish not man thought you were dying in two weeks what happened to that [ __ ] I've been in court for a year and a half you get strong every time I see you would this is [ __ ] up I shouldn't even say [ __ ] wouldn't it be some ironic [ __ ] if they found out through this case that the cure for cancer was Michael Jackson sucking your dick somehow like if Mike had powers like Green Mile and all the kids like please Mike Su got X never again he didn't appreciate it can we at least study your saliva please M oh my God but there's a more important reason that I would stop doing comedy right now and this reason is the real reason that's been percolating and and it really is the crowd not you I'm talking about the crowd on the big stage it's too hard to entertain a country whose ears are so brittle [ __ ] are so sensitive the whole country is turned into [ __ ] ass [ __ ] everything you say upset somebody but [ __ ] are just taking it too far I don't know why or how everybody got this goddamn sensitive you know who hates me the most the transgender Community yo yeah these [ __ ] I mean I didn't realize how bad it was these [ __ ] I was really mad about that last Netflix special it's tough man I don't know what to do about it cuz cuz I like them always have never had a problem with them you know just [ __ ] around and a matter of fact I think I make fun of everybody and I mean as a group of people they have to admit it's kind of [ __ ] hilarious man I'm sorry bro like I've never seen somebody in such a hilarious predicament not have a sense of humor about they're born feeling like they're something other than they're born as and that's that's kind of funny you know like it's funny if it's not happening to you I believe transgenders I don't understand them either but I know they mean what they say them [ __ ] cut their dicks off that's all the proof I need never seen somebody just throw their dick away don't need [Applause] it I don't understand but I believe you and I support your decision [ __ ] I was doing a show I was in Portland Oregon and I was checked in a a hotel under the name Charles Ed with cheese I came back to my room late at night and there was a a a note it was like a letter on my desk it was addressed to Mr cheats so obviously I'm going to assume that whoever wrote this letter must be an intimate friend of mine this is not some kind of name that a person would just guess but then I open the letter and it turns out I don't know this person at all it's a fan letter you know I'm not even used to the idea that I have fans but I'm grateful for it and uh I don't read those letters be nice if I did but realistically it's like what am I Santa Claus [ __ ] I don't have time for this like got [ __ ] I want to do I'm trying to chill read all these dreams and wishes from strangers but then but I read it I'd already open it so I just read the whole letter and you know what man whoever wrote this letter truly loves me I mean they were really [ __ ] nice in the letter and then they described to me what it was like to come to the show how excited they were how much fun they were having and then they said that when I got to my jokes about transgenders that they were quote devastated because turns out that whoever wrote the letter was transgender now I'm going to be real for a second as a policy you got to understand I never feel bad about anything I say up here and I I would never admit this to you if I hadn't locked your phones up but it was the weirdest thing like when I read this letter the [ __ ] made me feel bad I didn't feel bad about what I said you understand I felt bad that I made somebody else feel bad to be honest I don't even know what I said that upset that person I have so many transgender jokes but I feel like I feel like it was probably this joke I'm about to tell you right now and it's not even that bad of a joke it's a true joke I mean it's not true but I I I had read in the paper that Caitlyn Jenner was contemplating posing nude in an upcoming issue of Sports Illustrated and I know it's not politically correct to say these things so I just figured [ __ ] it I'll say it for everybody else yuck you know sometimes I just want to read some stats I don't know why you're going to cram some man [ __ ] in the middle of the sports page like this I just didn't think that was the place for it but I wasn't saying anything like CIT and Jenna is a bad person I'm not mad at her for doing it not even mad at sports illustrator if I'm mad at somebody I'm probably just mad at myself you understand it's deep down I know that I am not strong enough to not look at those pictures and I don't think I'm ready to see what she's trying to show me so Caitlyn God damn it if you go through with this thing [ __ ] you better go hard to go home I want you to go all the way Hustler style do you know what Hustler style means miss that means spread the lips [Applause] I hope she spreads her lips and there itty bitty dick inside the show is behind the [Applause] curtains I don't know what I said that upset that person you know I can remember when it all started it was when I was doing Chappelle Show when I was doing Chappelle Show I used to do the show and then on the weekends I do like concerts and [ __ ] like that so I'm doing a concert and there was a couple in the front row beautiful couple the wife wife was obviously Asian you can see it in her face the husband this [ __ ] was mysterious to say the least couldn't quite pinpoint where he was from caramel colored fell very nice hair but it could have been from anywhere Bangladesh Mexico I can't guess with a [ __ ] like this all I knew for sure about this guy is that his wife was a [ __ ] I could see that in her face too no he was laughing and having a good time and she was scowling at me at a goddamn comedy show I couldn't figure it out and then I realized at some point that she was pregnant and I was smoking on stage I said oh my God that's probably why she's mad so I started to put my cigarette out but then she hit me with one of them fake non-smoker calls so I just kept smoking I thought to myself [ __ ] that baby will be fine relax and I tried to break the tension I just asked her that's all I said I go hey where you guys from anyway and I could tell that she was on to me she goes very condescendingly she says I'm from California if you're asking my ethnicity I am Chinese and her husband was just cool about this [ __ ] he was like I'm Mexican bro I said well I'm sorry if I offended you by asking but you're a very beautiful couple and Miss there's no question that you're going to give birth to the hardest working baby this world is EMP that's not a bad joke she got very upset she got up to leave immediately but she didn't just leave she had to take one last di at me on the way out I will never buy one of your [ __ ] DVDs again Dave Chappelle I said ma'am with all due respect Chinese people don't buy [Applause] DVDs and the crowd went crazy we've all laughing having a good time I didn't even think anything of it and then just 3 days later this lady sends a [ __ ] letter to my promoter telling him not to book me for shows anymore because I was quot racist huh and and I'm quoting her insensitive to the nature of my interracial marriage I was like word [ __ ] I was if she had just done a little bit of research she would know that I myself am in an interracial marriage that's right in fact my wife is Asian too surprise [ __ ] I'll see you on Thanksgiving but my wife's not Chinese she's Filipino that's right that's right and our kids of Puerto Rican somehow so there you go heroin skin remember I'm not killing them I'm just peppering them up nice he lets out a heroin scream [Music] [Applause] M and that should be the end of it but uh-oh I miscalculated while he's on the ground screaming I noticed that his teeth are horribly miscolored that's not heroin at all is it that's crystal meth he pops right back up unscathed [Applause] time for the heavy stuff clack clack Buckshot and then if he got a friend with him I got one more bird shot left and I repeat the cycle after that [ __ ] get slugs for everybody and I'll be in a kitchen full of dying heroin addicts saying stupid heroin last words you shot me bro it hurts man it hurt the last words are always the dumbest words like why is your dick [Applause] out I'm just afraid of being attacked happens to the best of us don't ever forget what happened to that french actor you know what I'm talking about juicy smoo he's a very French very famous French [Music] actor y'all never heard of Juicy Smo juicy smer is an actor from France and and he became famous on a show called [Music] Empire one night he was in Chicago late at night and was the victim [Applause] he was the victim of a racist and homophobic attack you see juicy smer is gay and he is black not just [Applause] French always a crazy story apparently when he was walking down the street later night two white men came out of the Shadows uh with magga hats on and beat him up tied a rope around his neck caught him all kinds of [ __ ] and and put some bleach on him and ran off into the night this [ __ ] was like international news and everybody was Furious especially in Hollywood it's all over everybody's Twitter feed and Instagram page Justice for juicy and all this [Applause] [ __ ] the whole country was up in arms was was talking about it all the time on the news and and for some reason uh African-Americans we were like oddly quiet we were so quiet about this [ __ ] that the gay community started accusing African-American community of being homophobic for not supporting him what they didn't understand is that we were supporting him with our silence because we understood that this [ __ ] was clearly lying none of these details added up at all he said he walking down the street and Chicago and and uh white dudes come up to him and say hey man aren't you that [ __ ] [ __ ] from Empire what the [ __ ] does that sound like how white people talk I know white people they don't talk like that are you that [ __ ] [ __ ] from Empire they would never say that it sounds like something that I would say [Applause] if you're racist and homophobic you're not even to know who this [ __ ] is you can't watch [Applause] Empire black people never feel sorry for the police but this time we even felt sorry for the police can you imagine if you was a police veteran taking this kid's police report okay Mr smer please tell me what happened all right 2: a.m. you left the house at 2: a.m. it's - 16° right you were walking you're walking all right and and where were you going Subway sandwiches [Applause] that's when the men approach you did you see them you have any okay what they have on magah hats magah hats on in Chicago excuse me one second Mr Smo yeah Frank come here for a second find out where Kanye West was last night [Applause] such a [ __ ] outrageous story he said they put a rope around his neck has anyone here ever been to Chicago yeah all right all right so you've been there now tell me how much rope do you remember seeing who the [ __ ] is carrying rope like when did you get mug [ __ ] in 1850 who's got rope who's got rope man that [ __ ] was awful so okay I'm doing a show somewhere and I'm on stage and I was a little drunk you know and I figured [ __ ] it let me talk about that [ __ ] a little bit I figured to be safe cuz you know everybody's phones locked up and I went in on this kid I was talking all kinds of [ __ ] I didn't know that there was a journalist in the audience and unfortunately for me that [ __ ] took impeccable notes he told everybody everything I said he was even putting the jokes in the headline the headline said Dave Chappelle says he wants to smash a dollhouse over juicy sm's head I thought for sure when I read that headline I said well that's it for me I'm cancelled lucky for me that very same day the Chicago police caught the [ __ ] that actually did it and hilariously they were both uh Nigerian not only were they not white they were very very black they were Nigerian which is the funniest [ __ ] the whole story is funnier now this is mugga country you fogot [Applause] [ __ ] you fot [ __ ] if if you're in a group that I made fun of then just know that I probably would only make fun of you if I see myself in you I make fun of poor white people because I was once poor and I know that the only difference between a poor black person and a poor white person is that a poor white person feels like it's not supposed to be happening to them everything else is the same I know what it's like to have a cold house I wasn't allowed to touch the thermostat growing up without asking my father and it would be [ __ ] freezing in the house I'd be like Dad please can I please just turn the heat up to like I don't know 32 [ __ ] it's really [Applause] cold and my dad would say just put more clothes on David got all three of my outfits on [ __ ] will you look at me I'm freezing up here and he said just don't think about how cold you are David and I said this I didn't say it to him but I said it in front of him so he could hear it I said I [ __ ] hate being poor and my dad got really upset he didn't scream or how that wasn't his way he just threw his newspaper on the floor and he said David David David you are not poor he said poor is a mentality he said that it's a mentality that very few people ever recover from don't you forget it son you are [Applause] broke he said these are just Financial circumstances that I hope to overcome one day very soon and I said well Dad whatever you want to call this uh it's wildly uncomfortable there was a big dance coming up in the middle school I was 12 years old I said dad can I go to the dance he said of course you can go to the dance I want you to get out and meet some more kids I said great uh it costs $3 to get in and my dad said ooh sorry son uh I don't have it I was like what the [ __ ] you don't have $3 well then how are we alive dad wish I found some way out of this hell I do anything to not be poor I will show Michael Jackson my anus if I get a chance I just got to get out of this [Applause] hell dad said if you want to go to the dance bad enough I tell you what there's some money in the change jar get the money from there I was 12 years old that's what I did I showed up to to dance early there's a long line of kids waiting behind me while I'm at the door trying to count out 300 pennies to get inside I will never forget this [ __ ] as long as I [ __ ] live oh man you know you've been poor you know what that feels like you ashamed all the time feels like it's your fault and all them kids was laughing ha look how poor de pel is like when I think back of it that's really the only time in my life that I ever thought to myself I should kill everybody at school thank you very much everybody she just like you need to stop doing that and then I tried to change the subject how is school going boys and my son's tell me well we didn't have school today technically I'm like well what's going on he said well there was like a school shooting drill I never heard of this you know what this is they have drills that they make kids do uh where they practice what to do if somebody comes to shoot up their school i' never heard that before I was like what the [ __ ] then I had to tell my sons the truth I didn't want to tell him this [ __ ] son son listen to me [ __ ] that drill somebody comes to your school and wants to shoot it up I'm just going to be honest with you you probably going to get shot [ __ ] I'm just being real you got a famous dad I talk a lot of [ __ ] they going to be gunning for you buddy just stay low and run in a zigzag pattern and don't try to save anybody son do you understand [Applause] me why would you have kids rehears for some [ __ ] they have no control of all you're doing is training these kids to worry it's the stupidest drill I've ever heard of and why you in there training them during these drills listening and learning like the other kids sitting in the back where are we supposed to [Applause] meet if you're a parent this [ __ ] is terrifying this [ __ ] is real scary all the parents is looking at each other crazy because we know as parents that one of us is raising the shoot just don't know which one of us it is all we know for sure is that if you're a white parent the Chan is that it's you exponentially higher than the rest of us shooting up school is a white kids game it's [ __ ] crazy you know I hated school too it never occurred to me kill everybody in school it's [ __ ] crazy do what I did [ __ ] try some things have you skipped school [ __ ] skipped school take a walk and meet some other kids [ __ ] stool [Applause] [ __ ] some scary [ __ ] I've given us a lot of thought I don't see any peaceful way to disarm America's whites there's only one thing that's going to save this country from itself same thing that always saves this country from itself that is African-Americans [Music] right and I know the question that a lot of y'all have in your minds is should we do it yeah [ __ ] yeah we should do it listen no matter what they say or how they make you feel remember this is your country too it is incumbant upon us to save our country and you know what we have to do this is a [ __ ] election year we got to be serious every able-bodied African-American must register for a legal that's the only way they'll change the law [Applause] I hate guns personally I can't stand them yeah but I have several I don't want them but I feel like I need them don't forget where I live I live in Ohio and anyone that knows anything about Ohio knows that even the word Ohio is an old Native American word it means literally uh land of poor white people and I don't know what's going on down here but in my experience uh poor white people love and I mean they [ __ ] love heroin they can't seem to get enough of it I didn't even know what I was looking at at first I was just driving like why are all these white people so sleepy out here these it's really bad a matter of fact I was coming out of a nightclub the other night and dating and I had parked my car in an alley and no one was out there I didn't have no bodyguards or nothing I was home I figured everything was fine and as soon as I opened my car door all by myself suddenly one of these heroin addicted whites just pops out of a trash can and scared the [ __ ] out of me I scream and then I realized it was a woman woman she was [ __ ] up she's like hey man hey man relax okay I'm sick right I need some drugs n please I I'll suck your dick for $5 N I was like two [Applause] obviously I'm joking this opioid crisis is a crisis I see it every day it's as bad as they say it's ruining lives it's destroying families sadly you know remind me of us these white folks look exactly like us during the crack epidemic you know it's really crazy to see and all this [ __ ] they talk about on the news about how divided the nation is I don't believe it I feel like nowadays we're getting a real good look at each other is why because I even have insight into how the white Community must have felt watching the black community go through the scorge of crack because I don't care either hang in there white [Applause] just say no what's so hard about that remember when y'all said that to us but it's okay there's no grudges now you finally got it right once it started happening to your kids you realize it's a Health crisis these people are sick they are not criminals they are [Applause] sick be that as it may I'm armed to the teeth first gun I bought was a 12 gauge shot gun I didn't want the gun remember though I moved to a farm and I was sitting there on the porch and I see a white dude walking across my property entitled like he's supposed to be there he had a rifle over his shoulder too ain't that a [ __ ] I said what the [ __ ] is this guy doing on my property I was mad as [ __ ] but I was unarmed so I ended up just waving to this [ __ ] like a [ __ ] I [Applause] was and as soon as we got far enough away I ran to my car and sped to Kmart this is in a rural white area and remember I was nervous cuz the guy was on my property I'm black and I was sweaty you know what I mean and I ran to the gun counter black and sweaty sweating and black and I looked up at the [ __ ] I was like I looked like a slave with something I said I need a gun immediately like that just like that got didn't answer no questions he just grabbed 12 gaug shotgun handed it to me I never never even held a gun before I'm not a dummy I'm like well I need I need some bullets too put two box shells on the counter he said all right buddy which box do you want I didn't know one box had picture some ducks on it the other box had a picture of some deer I said well what's that box with them Ducks he said oh that there's bird shot and then it goes just like this I'm not exaggerating goes that don't kill a [Applause] man he said it'll just pepper him up nicely I said what the [ __ ] pepper you know what it means to Pepper a [ __ ] up it means that when the shell explodes hot BB's will shoot out of the barrel of the gun not killing a [ __ ] but penetrating their skin and sh flesh boy that's got to hurt hot B's remember when Dick Cheney shot a [ __ ] in the face and he lived that was bird shot I said well what's that box with the deer on it he goes oh that there is Buckshot got to put a hole in the goddamn truck if you wanted to with the deer up and shook it [Applause] I thought he was trying to trick me I was like do you have a box uh with a picture of a white dude trespassing on it cuz it's exactly the strength I'm looking for but I didn't know that if you're defending your home with a shotgun the formula dictates that you're supposed to buy both boxes this was not a formula that I was familiar with it goes like this the six shots and 12 gaug shotgun so when you load the gun you load it like this first shot bird shot next shot buck shot bird shot and then after that guns Jamaican buck shot buck shot buck shot she got a picture it okay like say I'm in bed I'm sleeping and suddenly my wife wakes me up David David wake up and I'm like oh oh look who's coming around and I pull my dick over the top of my pajamas and she says no I hear something I oh this [ __ ] so I get up grab the gun I say wait here baby I'll go check it out just lock the door behind me oh my God she's right right there in the kitchen is a heroin addicted White and he's digging through the change jar by the door I work really hard for that change I got to do something so first I rra the shotgun hey [ __ ] click clack that's a test that click clack sound will stop a rational human being in their tracks for sure enough this person is not rational they're sick on drugs they're digging in the change I got to ask fast this nig's almost got $150 I warned you birsh and there goes hot bbes will permeate his yellow heroin skin remember I'm not killing him I'm just peppering him up nice he lets out a heroin scream [Applause] and that should be the end of it but uh-oh I miscalculated it's been said in the press that I was invited to speak to the transgender employees at Netflix and I refuse that is not true if they had invited me I would have accepted it although I am confused about what we are speaking about found I said what I said and boy I heard what you said my God how could I not you said you want a safe working environment at Netflix well it seems like I'm the only one that can't go to the office [Applause] anymore I want everyone in this audience to know that even though the media frames us that it's me versus that community that is not what it is do not blame the LBGTQ Community for any of this [ __ ] this has nothing to do with them it's about corporate interest and what I can say and what I cannot say for the record and I need you to know this everyone I know from that Community has been nothing but loving and supporting so I don't know what all this nonsense is about the summer 2020 when the whole world shut down I was outside doing shows my neighbor had a corn field and he let me throw shows then people came from all over the country some people came from around the world see those those shows the best comedians on Earth came to my home and broke bread with me and we lived Our Lives we found a way to keep moving [Applause] [Music] forward I made a whole documentary about it the first night of those shows was a piece that some of you might have seen it was called 8:46 and it dealt with the death the murder of George Floyd this film that I made was invited to every film festival in the United States and some of those invitations I accepted and when this controversy came out about the closer they began disinviting me from these film festivals and now today not a film company not a movie studio Studio not a film festival nobody will touch this film thank God for Ted randles and Netflix he's the only one that didn't cancel me yet to the transgender Community I am more than willing to give you an audience but you will not summon me I am not bending to anybody body's demands and if you want to meet with me I'd be more than willing to but I have some [Applause] conditions first of all you cannot come if you have not watched my special from beginning to end you must come to a place of my choosing and a time of my choosing and thirdly you must admit that Hannah Gatsby is not [Applause] funny I desperately want people to see this movie but I understand why investors would be nervous since nobody will touch it I'll tell you what I'll do I will make it available for all of you in 10 American cities going on sale in the next few days you will be able to see this movie in its entirety and you can see what they're trying to obstruct you from seeing yes sir and you can judge for yourself but you cannot have this conversation and exclude my voice from it that is only fair you have to answer the question am I canell or not then let's go thank you very much and good night