PE Nation's Pip Edwards on Burnout, Healing, Single-Parenting and Self-Care

I'm sigoni cantelo and welcome to beautiful inside I've been a beauty and health journalist reporting on how to be beautiful on the outside for 22 years now I want to explore inner beauty as well I've been influenced to make this shift by my own mental health journey and it's prompted me to look for people like me who are willing to share their story how do they care for their inner self while also attending to the outer what have they learned about finding strength and courage and happiness in today's ever more challenging world and what are the strategies that theyve found to maintain that Radiance that Joy believe the inner spark that comes about when our minds and bodies are in Balance come with me as we go inside the homes routines and inner lives of Fascinating People we'll discuss the science and psychology of beauty and self-care and give you the tools to look and feel the very best you ever have inside and out beautiful inside acknowledges the traditional custodians of the land that this podcast is recorded on and we pay our respects to Elders past present and emerging this episode is proudly brought to you by internals the new premium supplement brand powered by Synergy skin when it came to finding a sponsor for my first season Synergy skin was the first brand I actually approached not only do I love using their skincare but I adore the brand founder Terry Vincent Jones we've been friends for years and I've co-hosted many of their events including their latest debut C internals Terry who is a cosmetic chemist and an author she wrote The Incredible Book skin formation it's just a wealth of knowledge and she's my Oracle when it comes to All Things longevity and inner Health in fact every time I see her I whip out my notebook and take notes on everything she's taking from supplements her diet and her exercise she looks absolutely incredible but she also is a shining example of how inner beauty radiates from someone she has this beautiful warmth energy Vitality that just comes through in everything she creates both the skincare and the supplements are made in Australia and they only contain potent ingredients that are proven to work they're The Perfect Blend of Science and nature it's no surprise then that Terry's latest creation Sy journals is equally impressive from an efficacy and ingredient standpoint but what I love most about them is that they're designed to boost your beauty and health from the inside out which is exactly what we're all about here at beautiful [Music] inside welcome to Beautiful Inside by beauticate I'm your host sigor cantelo if you enjoy today's episode please remember to subscribe and rate and review us on iTunes it makes the world of difference now I'm so excited to introduce today's guest I have known pip Edwards for over 20 years and we always see each other out and about at functions but lately I've noticed a bit of a change come over her and it's actually been really beautiful to watch she was one of the first people I thought to interview on beautiful inside because she does really embody that quest for inner and outer beauty The Duality of it and the tension sometimes between the two for years pip has shared her glossy Glamorous Life on social media she comes across as strong and energetic and dynamic but recently there's been a softer side emerging she's been refreshingly vulnerable in her interviews she talks a lot about the therapy that she's done and the struggle she's had raising her son while directing a fashion Empire and having a very public private life after years of being a type a high achiever last year she was literally flawed by some very debilitating per menopause symptoms and she's since become a very passionate Women's Health Advocate contributing to important conversations around menopause stress and the vital need to listen to our bodies today's chat was just as wonderful as I hoped it would be we covered everything from egg freezing to parent pleasing crystals chakra balancing NLP and her unwavering commitment to daily Horizon gazing stay tuned for an authentic and enlightening chat with Pip Edwards how are you feeling P I'm I'm a mix of emotions because um I'm running on adrenal and obviously it's so busy um and I'm so excited but you know it's been a few couple of years and I'm I'm I am depleted yes and I am am exhausted I I have to admit that but the excitement and the adrenaline and you know I I'm just I love to get to where I need to get to that I I'm getting there but but but but I am feeling um the body just give me signals of having to tr try and slow down yes yes and you this is what I was so excited to talk to you about because you are you're so eloquent describing how you're feeling and no it's really it's really refreshing and it's so lovely to hear and people this is what we all want we all want to know what it feels like to to be each other you know it's a human state so oh I will not hold back like you know there's there's one thing like to um showcase I guess on social media and hold the for and keep face and have that game face and and that's part of the job and and and it's not that it's a a um an acting role I I am those things but I'm also human um I'm not superhuman um and at times you've got to be like a machine but at times I've I know that in the past I've I've never acknowledged my body or those signals and now I'm just like I need I actually need to how do you do that how do you dial into that I'm I'm I'm really learning how how to instill the boundaries and I feel guilty because I'm such a worker and I work at such a fast pace and I I almost Thrive Under Pressure like I'm that's just how I'm wired but um I I know now that the downtime really makes for future progress and I've never been able to understand that concept because I I never know how to switch off I think juggling so much in terms of raising a child running a household running a business um you know having social responsibilities and then trying to have some kind of you know private life with my friends it's like where there is no more time in the day and I'm such a I'm I I live such a full life and I love it and I'm all embraced like Curious of all of that stuff but it does come at a cost um and the cost is um you know um just feeling how was that silence for a minute see just just feeling a bit it's not empty but it's just feeling a little bit flat and I and I'm not used to feeling flat so depleted um I'm getting older I'm getting older um no so it's it's not a it's a it's a really it's a real coming of age it's a real you know taking stock and it's a new thing for me and I'm really um trying to understand and understand more about that and not feel guilty for that what have you learned about listening to your body what what what signs do you get when you when you noce well I tell you when I'm not listening to my body and when I'm not listening to my body it tells me no so I think for a number of years my whole life my brain I've got such a I I know I have such a crazy mindset and my brain has driven um that perseverance and that resilience through the obstacles and adversity of life and juggling so much um but then my body it it it it it can collapse at times like it does and I've seen it I've seen it just not perform um and I just have to go and then I think oh is it an off day or blah blah blah and I go no no my body's now taking over going no pip you know your brain's one thing but your body it needs it needs healing it needs it needs attention it needs nurturing will you have a rest day in that situation or what will you do yeah I've started to um generally more on Sundays is like yet slow mornings because I don't know what a slow morning is you know forever getting up at 6:00 a.m. and getting the kid out and doing all these things and um so a slow morning is a luxury but even what I also consider slow which still might be fast for others um is just walking and I think when I finish work every afternoon I really try and just go for a walk and it's not not a power walk but it's a walk to the ocean it's a walk to the um I go to the vcl cliffs and I have to see the ocean every day yeah I try that's amazing I well it's the only it's the only relief and it's and it's the place I go to where I see the Horizon and I realize that I'm actually a lot smaller in this great big world and that it's Limitless and that it's there's freedom and I'm not constricted by schedule time people um you know buildings office all this stuff I get to just go and Horizon gazing is an interesting thing because i' I'm really into my NLP at the moment yeah tell me neural Linguistics programming and a really simple way of of alleviating a serotonin and and kind of getting into a space of calm and rather being than always in fight or flight is when you Horizon gaze you actually need to look above and the acttion of your eyes looking above the Horizon actually releases The Perennial gland back here and it it's such a easy thing and then I what I do is I play my current theme song or whatever the song it is that gives me and what's your current theme song Oh do you want me to sing it yes please no it's an Annie lenic song and it's called Little Bird W um but lyrically it speaks to me and it's just got the right thing but I play it and I just Horizon gaze above and it makes me smile and I think sometimes those moments I smile a lot but that's a that's a soul smile it's it's a soul like a joy practice so a soul smiling experience how incredible and so you you are going through some big changes with the brand at the moment you're on the eve of Fashion Week can you tell us anything you know you said it's an incredibly exciting time what is it yeah it's a big milestone for pation I mean it's we're in our eighth year year um we've had such a wild tornado R ride of a business and you know we've exceeded expectations beyond belief and um now we're heralding this new era where we've actually taken back the Reigns um gone back to our roots and re-energized who we are and what we stand for because you know along the way you get lost up in Crazy growth and you know all these opportunities come and now we're taking deliberate um consideration as to who we want to be and this evolution is the fresh future of PE it's a PE like you've not seen before I think the PE that you know that we started off with was this bold and Confident Woman that was like color and color clash and all this stuff and the clothes really spoke for the woman um this PE is a coming of age and maybe it's got a lot to do with where I'm at in life as well but um it's the clothes are there and the energy is there but it allows the woman to speak for herself so it's a bit of a role reversal wow is it simil you have a lot of Duality you know you talk a lot about your masculine versus your feminine and you're strong versus your soft yeah this one's leaning more into the soft I think because I've um you know always been such a not like an alpha female but like a strong woman a strong woman that um you know one that by by nature of just life experience you know single mom got to work got to survive got to get get that happening so you you do turn into that um always decisive making person and I've never probably let the the feminine or the softness come through and now just understanding the importance of balance in life and taking stock and just taking a breath I think that really comes through in this collection where the dance of the softness and the hardness and that tension is beautiful but you'll see a lot more of the soft oh I'm so excited to see that's really cool and I love that you're you know translating all these learnings that you've had recently you know well I think that's look for me my business it's I've always lived and breathed it and it's um you know it's a personification of I bring it to life and it's it's a part of who I am and that's the authenticity and if I can't speak to it and if I don't live and breathe it then why am I talking about it why am I doing it and I can't live I can't live a life that's not me no um and and your brand has to speak to who you are and you're standing behind it and you know and I think that's what makes it resonate with women if that if that's the real honest raw truth and that's what it is now you had some health challenges in the last couple of years tell us about that and how that sort of made you take stock yeah I guess you know that the topic of menopause hasn't often been um out outwardly spoken about um my mother actually had early menopause and I remember young she never really spoke about it it was obviously a bit taboo I knew she was on patches I knew she'd have these crazy bouts of hot flashes but I never really considered to ask her about that journey and then you know I live this fast-paced life I have a very clean diet I'm I operate in a turbo speed I'm super fit I travel a lot I'm exhausted I have I juggle a million things on my plate I've obviously got this hereditary line that I didn't know about I was the perfect candidate for being um early onset menopause or early Perry and I think when I hit it in 39 it was a real shock to me because it just was not a consideration um and obviously I've got the most beautiful child in the world um but in terms of what where it impacted me was that you know I still on the Quest for a beautiful partner in life and sometimes you know I didn't know that maybe that element of not you know not having more children was never a consideration and I think for me hitting early menopause right at the start of Co where um I did start go down the road of egg freezing um and then a week later we hit Co and because it was elective surgery um I had to stop my rounds and um I had to come to the terms of the fact that that it was never it was not going to be an option um so that was actually it was a lot not that I'd wanted I never I didn't know if I wanted more kids but it was the option and I was being robbed of an option that potentially could um jeopardize a future with someone or you know a future I didn't know if I wanted did wanted or not wanted um but at the end of the day um I I'm blessed that I got I have a beautiful child but my quest was I think women need to know the life they live lead and I think you know we're these modern women now that juggle so much and we don't know we don't really understand the toll that's taken on our body and no one's really in tune with all those symptoms and the symptoms are everyday symptoms um you know having backaches um you know hot flushes all these little things that you don't think are anything to do with anything you I I just it's made me listen to my body your body is everything and that's the other thing I learned in NLP your body tells you more than your monkey brain you know your monkey brain's just what's conditioned and what's been um taught educationally from you know School and the your landscape but your body is your number one your gut and your gut health is everything and I think now I'm more so in tune with my body that I can read it and I know I can see when things are happening and I'm just happy that I finally got to a place where that's my priority right now tell me about the NLP and how you got onto that neural linguistic is neural Linguistics programming so um it's obviously a type of therapy um but for me and anyone that's met me properly or understands me I'm a big energy girl um and energy is everything to me um I read it I see it I feel it I can read a room like it and I didn't realize how important it was to really hone in on that and I really um I'm also I mean want for a better word I'm highly intuitive in terms of the spiritual realm realm and and what that does it combines all the things that I'm interested in along with that practice of energy but along with the practice of really wanting to understand where I've been what I've been through how that's impacted me not just mentally physically and emotionally but spiritually and then how to harness my energy and how to understand those patterns in a way that my brain was not capable of computing that's very well said how and I love it I love it I love to understand how how energy impacts my nervous system my physical being and then how it also impacts people I interact with and reading people and understanding like life is is it's not a textbook it's not a it's not and it's not cookie cutter for everyone but it's this vibration is how we feel and and I think when we when we connect with how we feel and want to feel and interact with other people that's really that's all life is and then that's what relationships are so the better I can understand energy and how to use it and how to read it the better relationships I'm going to have it's so fascinating is it sort of linked to poly Bagel theory is it sort of gosh well that's a new one do I need do I need do I need to look into that similar the PO it's more like I do a lot of time fight or flight like it's what it's what tips you into fight or flly it it's got a lot to do with that but what it does is I go under hypnosis a lot so I go up into the uh into my Quantum self oh wow um and we do a lot of timeline therapy so I go back in time and it's not about me trying to remember things CU your brain can trick you your brain um remembers what it wants to remember but what it does is it Taps into what your body receptor picked up on and I've gone back in time to trauma points and trigger points and have picked up a whole lot more of what I did didn't see yeah um or what I didn't feel and Beyond what my brain interpreted right um and it's been eye opening and it's been liberating and it's been and it's just made a whole lot more sense for me I look it's not are these inperson sessions yes yes I'll have to get the details of here I need to do this work I I stumbled across her because um this woman she's amazing but she works on a friend of mine and it it's it it might not be for everyone because it is a bit of theal and it is a bit esoteric and it's a bit um of another dimension I've been doing similar work atic stuff I think similar yeah but um I obviously I was going through a lot of um personal uh personal personal and public challenges um and I had a milestone of of going to Burning Man and not to go to Burning Man for maybe what everyone thinks burning man's for but really use burning man as a milestone to go to a place that is this Oasis that pops up and then disappears but where there's no contact no responsibility a break from The Real World I I wasn't going to be a mom I wasn't going to run a business I was going to have this chance to have this 10 days of freedom of to be me and to find me but I knew that if I was out in Burning Man a lot of things can pop up and confront you because you are are not contactable with the real world so I did this really hardcore NLP session and I went twice a week twice for six months wow because I intensive I really wanted to understand everything that could possibly unravel I wanted to meet and greet those those version the versions of me I needed to understand those versions of me like what what what have I been what have I been ignoring what what what haven't I addressed why do I have these repeat patterns and what's going to hit me out on the player because I I wanted to be prepared and that's dedication I have to say yeah I I'm a bit yeah you are yeah you type like whatever it is I'm going to like do it to yeah um but it set me up for one of the most amazing experiences of my life because I really was ready to see all versions of me I saw them in their Glory you did and you were ready for it you prepared I love that God I didn't even know I was going to go there today yes well I'll take it back to PE we need we do need to cover cover some some pieces I wanted to know [Music] um black is not my let talk about the new collection okay so the new collection well the new collection is um an elevated um an elevated version of um it's not um it's it's it's accessible everyday luxurious Fabrications we've we've we've we've gone we've made a real point of finding these crazy amazing Fabrications that are be congratulations on your be know I had to I mean that was an amazing feat for us very proud achievement for us easy to um but we've paired back the um the logos we've done deliberate um Hardware detailing that's subliminal um but it's all about the layering pieces and it's really following that lifestyle movement it's obviously there's some active wear pieces but it's it's I think there's this real shift into lifestyle and Recreation so not just your discipline work but this this balance I'm talking about whether it is just that walk or that I don't I different ways of being in movement so um it's fashion fashion that just moves with you because we are Dynamic people and we're never static but whatever that means it doesn't you know you don't need to be this High performing Elite athlete you can just if it's watching your son play basketball or whatever wherever it is it's um fashion that moves with you I love that and that's so true isn't it you know like often I find if I just put on something in the morning that feels a bit active where it's I'm more inclined to get outside and it's to move I think the oving and that's another from NLP FYI if you're feeling in a rut or you're in a state you just you you just move and it changes your trajectory immediately don't stay in your rut and I think just moving around yeah keeps um keeps the flow what so what are your movement practices at the moment I do I do I do a lot of walking but I do if I'm sitting down and I'm in a situation it's so weird I will get up and just move to another spot on the couch and it does it changes well you can't do that right now cuz we're filming um but yeah know I move I do lots of I'm I mean I'm I'm exploring different types of recreation like I'm getting into my sailing W um I do yeah sailing's a big thing I'm trying to you know go to the driving range and do a bit of golf just a little bit of things that are just um new new types of recreation for me that aren't as intense yeah I was going to say are you doing less of that Yang sort of exercise more Yin do you do yoga or I I do not often yeah but um I will I'm going to start doing some um bickram Pilates which I think is quite a new thing for me which I'm excited about um but yeah so you'll still do those intensive sweats but I don't know no more no more intensive sweats it's literally just Pilates because it's two cortisol raising I don't yeah and I don't know I've got enough of that so I need to balance that out Pilates for me is just for um mental mental strength and knowing that my body is my support the structure of my body you know supports me but um walking for me in nature is Paramount can't beat it yeah can't beat it yeah I mean as humans we designed like we need to see green we need to see blue like it's that kind of and hear and listen and all of that so you don't have music on while you're walking I on and off but if I'm near the ocean I need to hear it to it yeah that's so cool so how do you prepare like you've obviously got Fashion Week just in a few short days um how do you prepare mentally for Fashion Week um look you know we've done I think I'm in my in my whole career span I think I've done about 16 shows so it's not it's not my first rodeo um but to prepare is is that we've had an amazing critical path we have got everything um structurede pre-planned for for months but there is nothing that can actually prepare you for the day as long as all the pieces are in motion there's that thing where it's like they're all happening and they're all moving and it's like and then on the day you just hope it just goes in a good way so I think I I just think it's just yeah you just review what you've done you cross check the whole team are across it everyone's aligned there's there's the prep is is just in I think the prep is just in the mindset of knowing that you've got this and you du yeah and you just go for it and is there anything you do physically or like even spiritually or oh pull out all my tarot cards reading my horoscopes going what's happening on this day am I seeing Angel numbers I don't know all of those things yeah yeah yes whatever works whatever works we need our little our little talismans and what are the mental health non-n for your life that you have to fit into your life you've got the walking walking I I used to meditate I do need to bring that back I know it's I'm I'm very slack in that practice um I do try to read a couple of pages a day of a book I'm not a I'm not a big reader but um I've started to do that before going to sleep which I think's been really and are they fiction or non-fiction books no they're slightly self-help yeah yeah yeah so you're not reading you're not like escaping into you're trying to self improve learn still AI what else do I what else don't I know in how to help um I I do burn I I mean anyway I do have you got a favorite book lately that yeah it's called Letting Go actually my dear friend um Jackie O uh swore by it and she gave it to me as a gift I've gone through I've got through chapter one and it's it's pretty mind-blowing um I only started reading it two nights ago but it's called I don't know who but it's just called Letting Go the art the art of surrender and I think um it's a really fascinating concept for me because it's not something I know how to do very well so that's um something to read something to read y um but yeah I think it's just I do a lot of poor Justice the house is just filled with incense all the time I Sage every my crystals are in every corner of the house I've got one in the front door got them by the bedside table I actually sleep with a selenite sword no I know it's it's wild but it's just to protect my selite for the uninitiated oh is that selenite this is actually selenite um it just clears everything so when I I've got this in my office because I put my phone um keys I just it need it clears energy and it protects energy but I have this version and it comes in the shape of a sword no way I know this is getting a bit woo woo sorry guys but I sleep with it um on my chest and what it does is cuz when I sleep I think you're open or prone to energetic transmission or something people attx or what whatever it is I don't know but it it just it just protects me while I'm asleep um I don't know it's it whatever if it's a placebo give it to me does matter where did you learn about that that's through my healer um I got so Venus as well yes um she's my little my little white witch I mean I obviously go there for massaging but I I go there separately for healing readings really yeah she's amazing so she gave me my sword I love that um are we going into those yes let's do the sacred sex what is your sacred SE okay so I do a lot of um I do have a lot of healing chakra sprays this one is purely in the office this one's an A A Shakra St it's called feel intention and it's just to bring on feeling and I actually go around the office and spray it oh this one's got a high but oh I love that one I love all those evader sprays I've got the full little six of the minis and I think I've got that one it just brings on a Feeling um this one is my morning one but the other morning one that I have at home it's called um manifest Miracles so um I like manifest Miracles but this one for the office is called amazing me oh wow and the mantra for this one wait ingredients wait oh here we the affirmation that you've got to say when you do it is I am amazing me I I'm a Divine spark of light shining here in the world and sometimes you've just got to remember that you are the most unique you and that is enough and that is amazing so this is amazing me so and you just do it around Aura like this oh gosh that's beautiful what is that what's the yeah I mean the ingredients in this one I mean it's got yeah it's got a lot of citrus a bit of Rose um it's gorgeous where did you find this this is at that um Health Emporium place or the health food store I mean the the it's on um K Street in bond I don't know but they've got all these the there's different ones I have one for justice which is like um courage and bravery and done deep sleep like they've got all yeah he do well I think poor kids I'm like um but he loves it I think it's you know um obviously my two other practices daily are these guys daily okay yeah I do it daily um when do you do it I do this one after a day of work or if there's if I've been around a lot of energies because I pick I take on a lot of energies so that's more if I've been there this one I do in the mornings it's just the sacred you know the par um it's just because it it yeah that sacred smell is amazing and it's the positive one this one clears everything so this clears positive and negative do you Sage after meetings and stuff when people are a bit it's just it's just it's not it's not necessarily always a negative thing but it's just because I'm so intuitively open I don't I don't need to take on other people's stuff I have enough of my own you know yeah it's keeping your slate clean um and then another I guess in terms of a spiritual practice which is an interesting one is um for me to feel good and get in my zone and I've got my airpods here but like it's putting on music in my ears to get me back into my zone that's what is this one so music's really powerful to bring you back to your own space and your own Essence and if you've got you know current theme songs or thing or songs that bring back who you are and you identify them when you're in a place of where you're just you know it's all going on this is what grounds me do you I always find that I get in a rut with my music like how do you get out of the rut with your music or do you just go back in time or like find new artists or Spotify radio is quite an amazing thing so if I you go to your favorite songs and then you can Loop in I I like to find new songs but I do have go-tos that I just keep going back to and they're old favorites but the familiarity and then it takes me back to that time where I yep I know this is me then I can channel that yeah beautiful a really good one yeah and what else have you got there oh well these are all like these are all external external things okay me through those because it's about it's about both right both it's both that's what the whole podcast like you're like you're armor inside and out I don't know I'm going back in time and bringing back8 hour cream by Elizabeth Arden I mean that was back school days for me but I don't know it's thick in that but um I put that everywhere just to hydrate my skin cuz I find that I'm just always dehy hydrated so that's my Nono um my perfume I'm just so sensory right like everything is sensory whether it's like the incense and the oh I forgot about my incense but incense is a big one but um music and feel and touch and energy right all of those are sensory therefore smell is sensory so when I put this on this is my smell and then I feel me so Tom Ford ombre leather let me have oh my God it's so yeah good like oh yes and it's yeah and it's a bit like it's got a m masculine masul it's got a masculine old bag or a leather jacket just so yummy yeah so yummy um and then I love to be illuminated and highlighted just to like you know to look radiant brighten not the day but so yeah my little mac strobe face glaze oh that's a just just goes here one yeah it's a mini one for the bag good um and then I always I think you know this is just for bringing color to the face so it's got all the four things that you need just highlighting colors and then a little bit of brightening for under the eye honestly what's it called it's a Mac 4 pack um so you just choose the colors or are they already yeah you can choose it to your thing Pro face palette pro pro it's just it has every everything everything you need everything that could be like a version of like a foundation contouring everything so and show us the incense oh I know incense yes these are gentle habits is that am on Ballack Oh that's amaz oh did I tell yeah my little incense holder cute am on Ballack and then yeah this is incense so this one's Bondi Beach but I love I love these gentle habits incense you know they go let's take it slow and you got to take it slow exactly so this Burns 24/7 in the office and at home so beautiful and the other one's the other one's Barn Bay which is where I'd rather be spiritual home yeah that's they're my little things so can we go back in time a little bit oh I know you love doing this um back to Childhood so how do you think it shaped who you are today h yeah you know I'm an only child um my parents um are quite academic High Achievers and I think um and why I say that is that I think when you have one child there's there is a lot of pressure for this child to be they want the best for me and they wanted me to be the best and I did a lot I I multitasked a lot um and I always wanted I mean this can be a pro and a con but I always wanted their approval and I wanted to be the best child what that taught me was I was dedicated I was diligent I worked really hard I studied hard at school I I did my am piano IE all of all all of the things I I I probably did more than most as an only child but that was not for me it was for them and I think along the way it it it was a lot and I just only the beauty of hindsight can say the the discipline and the structure and and the drive to improve and do has really was really set the foundation for how I approach business and and my dedication to that um on the flip side of that um it's that turbon that um can wear thin yes so um yeah I'm you know just trying to understand that balance but if I didn't have their support their drive or that or that in me um and then you add dat later on in life like becoming a single mom I don't know if I would have had the resilience to do it all so I'm grateful yes for the way they wanted to set me up in life at the time let me tell you they were the strictest parents and I didn't have much flex and you know didn't my childhood was very like I started playing piano at 4 and I all through High School played piano six hours a day like I I didn'ts yeah I but like I didn't have a lot of um you know Freedom play time no and then I went straight into a Commerce law degree so uh you know all of those things but I at the time I you know I didn't know any better and I wanted to do that for them but it really taught me to multitask and juggle and commit and and really commit so I learned that from them how did what you've learned about how you were parented how did that change what you did with Justice everything yeah except there are things where I'm slipping back into being my parents with him that happens with that happens but with him I realized is that he has his own strengths and weaknesses and he is not me um and I can't force him to be a version of me but I needed to identify what made him spark maybe where his potential was um and and being lenient to that and that's where I've just I've not gone as hard as my parents did on me but I've gone I've just understood where his his um you know where his potential really was and kind of nourished that but at the same time go okay he's not wied like me he doesn't rise Under Pressure pressure freaks him out so how do I how do I adapt to that and it's been a real learning curve and him and I talk about it all the time in how like even in the way we St the way I studied i' study you wouldn't have to ask me to study I was in there I've got I've got to manage him and manage that um so I think it's about really understanding who your child is and what who they are because at the end of the day you're just a vehicle as a parent and you're there to guide them um and make them the best they can be but you can't force them what have you learned I mean how have you learned these these techniques for parenting would was there you know is there a certain book that you read or advice that you got like how did you it's just been talking to people but to be honest it came a little bit late I think I you know Justice he's he's a brilliant child and he has many talents but what I did learn really over in the last year or two is that he if I was to study at school I'd go into the study lock down silent and do it he is tactile learning he needs he needs D he needs sound he needs to he needs to be in the bustle yeah to commit yeah and I could never understand that so I've had to really like allow that like when he studies he's got headphones on like and it's a different time and age like I didn't even know how I would study back then if I had my mobile phone 100% honestly I just so we've we we it's a change it's a changing landscape my son's the same he listens to like full on music while he's working I'm like T going he can't he wants me to yeah he wants to be in the kitchen while I'm there talking but when that is happening that's actually when he's doing his best work so it's it's been it's been fascinating um but also to allow him to have some joy and his Joy is obviously basketball and knowing that if he's restricted from that he won't perform in other ways and how have you sort of guided him on his career journey and what he's going to do ultimately I've definitely facilitated what he wants and he's got NBA dreams and every kid has a I mean that's a big pipeline dream but um I facilitate it as much as I can because I know the joy it brings him and for him to be supported is everything that he needs in life and that's what your role is isn't it yeah now I really want to drill down on the the challenges and then your strategies for coping um because I really think it's going to help people um can you tell me about say the lowest point in your life and how did you cope with it um there's there's a few low there's a few low low moment more than one um I mean a big one a big one probably if we go back in time the big probably the biggest pivotal one was obviously um um you know leaving the father of the child that's that was a really big one I was very young how old was I how old were you I was 28 y wow and how old was Justice no sorry I was 27 um Justice was one yeah God that's really in the thick of it isn't it yeah um and I think the thing is I mean like I said I'm an only child and I'm very independent um but that really yeah that really um rattled a lot of things about Foundation who I am what am I going to do how do I survive with this child um because his father just you know left and left the country so I was very like oh wow I didn't for majority of the time very single very solo um and how did I cope with that I coped because I had amazing parents um I had an amazing Network and um I had no choice yeah one foot in front of the other and and that's not I mean yeah sure that's one way of coping but that's not one way of healing um and that took it took a long time to heal through that but um I just think when when you've got your true north and your Anchor Point is your son that that maternal instinct kicks in and nothing will stop you so that that my coping mechanism I will say probably continually even through other low points and and get to the you know more recent ones and all of those it's Justice wow it just is and and it just is it just is and it's just us wow and for me what a perfect name yeah no honestly it is the perfect name because he he is the only thing that makes me get up in the morning he's the only thing that got me through that he's the only thing that made me continue on with trying to build a career he's the only thing that actually was the main reason for starting my own business and you know I I want to give him all the opportunities I want to put him through school I want to give him an amazing roof over his head all those things it's not about um it's not about the money it's not about the fashion it's not about the industry it it was literally maternal Instinct and and that that stuff's unbreakable like you can't I'm a bull to and I'm also tan I'm a bull toour a red flag with that like you can't get in that way there is nothing that will stop me yeah your ultimate he is my coping mechanism yeah that's amazing and how has he grown and and and evolved that way I'm being really honest here this is not something I always talk about but um early on you know as such a young mom and learn life with him growing up with him um he was exposed to a lot there was never things I held back from um he understood the pain he saw the emotional Journey um you know some people were like you've got to kind of wa have some you know have some distance and I'm like I'm living with this child I'm I'm he I need him to see the raw honest truth and if we fast forward to today to this nearly 18-year-old this kid is the most well adjusted well balanced intuitive sensitive modern man who knows exactly what women are capable of what they've gone through he understands moral code I I can't tell you like where it might have gone the other way and you know this kid might have I don't know gone a different direction everything that he has seen and know he he's an old wise man in in a teenage body cuz he he knows life well that's right You' Expos he knows life and I'll stand by what I did and it was trial and error you know but I've got the results of this kid who who now schools me and I I I couldn't I can't I'm so grateful for the The Man He's become and what will you do when he goes this is the current dilemma I mean especially as a single mom and yeah obviously him being my Anchor Point and being my coping mechanism I'm terrified of what that means for me and who I my identity and my everyday it's bit of sweet because he's so ready to fly yeah like you know but I just like it's it's a it's a reality that's literally four months five months away um so he's got a plan he well yeah he finishes school and he wants to move to the St and I'm a bit like but it's like I know but it's it's almost like it's my rebirth no it's actually like my everything I've ever done has been for him he's been the Forefront of everything of every decision and as SC as sad and scared and terrified I am I'm also like maybe it's now my turn yes 100% it's like it's my turn for me do I want who do I want to be who am I do you have any ideas about that no you must have a little inkling of like some of the things you want to do or like the freedom I do know yeah I do know there's a lot more explor like there's a lot more traveling and spontaneity and I think I'm because I'm such a curious person I think having spontaneity and it's not like a lack of responsibility but um make you just have a bit of responsibility around here yeah but to make choices that are based on me yeah is going to be really fascinating to watch yeah and to feel wow I'm excited for you and are there any other sort of coping mechanisms that you developed in those low points that you talked about that you can share with us yeah I think basically um you've got to be in tune with your body and I think that's where I went down a very not just health and wellness but I went down a spiritual Road umal healing and I think really confronting the wise and it's not why did that happen to me why did that happen for me ah so flipping it got to flip the narrative so it's a it's a journey it's a lesson or yeah like what is the lesson like not not not focus on the pain but what did I learn from it um and let me tell you there's been repeat patterns clearly I didn't learn enough what do you kind of find yourself doing time and oh I just you know I I I'm I'm I think I'm a very I'm just so empathetic that I I believe I feel and believe everything I I believe and say what I feel so I think everyone else is the same but they're not do you think you that that is like sharing too much or is that I'm just honest I don't think there's a problem with that though no but it's a problem when you're dealing with people who aren't a and and I believe what they say so I you know cuz I think hon they're I feel yeah um but I um through those patterns it's more having it's just a journey of selfworth that's the biggest one um and whether that stems from childhood of always wanting approval from my parents or trying to be the best I can be that self-worth piece is a really big Journey for me and I I know I've turned a page I know I'm there I'm actually there that's so good but literally only there in the last few days oh really in the last few days is like your birthday totally Happ birth self but um yeah I think just how do you get self worth you don't you've always had it you've just got to unlock it I'm I'm on the similar Journey you've just got to unlock it it's always there it's just cutting out the noise and it's cutting out um the person you think you have to be especially it's really hard when in a public forum and you're up for scrutiny and there's a lot of noise and if you you're an empathetic person that it feels and feels deeply and passionately how can you not take on what's being said but the strength of anchoring so where I said my coping mechanism was before Justice and owning into that my coping mechanism now is me yeah okay you know that You' got to step up I've done it I've done my time I've lived my life I've earned my stripes I know what I need and I know who I am no one can tell me otherwise well I can see that that's amazing well I think that we've covered a lot you are se you managed to get a bit out of me that I don't normally say thank you no that was really beautiful and so I just love listening to you and talking to you thank you thanks thanks for sitting on my couch today in my office um thanks for sharing that it's was that that was actually go for and that was actually quite cathartic and um I love love being able to finally have these conversations anyway because yeah this is the real deal yeah I just think it's so amazing and I think it's just you know love I'm really grateful to you and thank you here's some more incense and and NLP and and crystals and everything else in between yay thank you for joining me on this episode of beautiful inside if you enjoyed this the best thing you can do is share it with a friend leave a review or give us a rating this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice if the content triggers you in any way please contact Lifeline or Beyond blue contact details in our show notes