Kevin Can Wait | Pilot | Season 1 Ep 1 | Full Episode

hey there you are since it's your retirement party tonight if the leaves in the front yard got raked up today that'd be great oh that'd be unbelievable what happened to I got you I mean you're home now you have nothing but free time but that's the misconception about retired people some of us are very active like me I got the guys coming over to 11 for a little day drinking then we're all going to learn how to use crossbows hey Dad yeah I probably shouldn't go to school today I I think I got a concussion from football Jack you play Madden football yeah but yesterday I got excited and I hit myself in the face with the controller I'm still not right he's got to be a huge let down after me right I got to be honest n you knocked it out of the park okay I think what your father means is we love you both now backpacks are packed let's go have a great day love you goodbye be good okay oh I got you a little retirement gift I mean if you have time in your schedule I will move some things around let me see what do you got to a great cop for a job well done it's a gyro Bowl oh I know what it is Donna it's the bowl that won't spill how did you know I wanted it every time the commercial came on you kicked out your legs and you screamed yeah and it worked because now I have one all right let's test this baby out we got to start small let's try some pretzels okay and I was worried that when you retired we'd be bored okay now give me a scenario where I might spill it come on okay you're on a fishing boat having a snack I like that yeah oh look look at that oh look at that but the water's choppy oh is it choppy no it's choppier than that oh yeah oh and then and then a huge wave smashes into you oh nothing nothing all right I want to do it it's my turn Okay uh we got to kick out up a notch though let's go with uh we're going with catchup okay all right go great oh oh see this is why I love you you have no fear yep okay good all right now you give me a scenario okay now you are a prostitute you I'm sorry I don't even know where that came from I don't wow was right oh and you know what how about I am a school nurse who's about to be late you're not a prostitute you're a princess yeah you no no you're a good princess seriously no you're a princess who donates to charity and you started your own Foundation I got to go I love you bye I am not your all every [Music] time 20 years ago four bridee dreamers embarked on a journey to keep this County safe a boatload of murders and 5,000 arm robberies later here we are no worse for the wear happy retirement boys yeah now it's our time baby all right now last week during bowling we talked about a Cross Country Motorcycle trip but we were a few beers in when we discussed it yeah yeah when I woke up I totally forgot I got seven kids I can't swing that chunk of time M these kids are going to be a problem I can feel it already all right let's put the bike trip on hold all right now Thursday we got our go-kart race and on Friday we got shooting paintballs but you know what if we want to kick this retirement off with a bang I say we combine them we call it like paint cart or uh go balls yeah I'm not down with go balls but remember it's 50 bucks a man and cash mod okay no leftover gift cards from The Container Store we get it your sister works there what's up boys don't mind me just an active duty firefighter bring a little chili for the party tonight Kyle to call yourself a firefighter don't you actually have to fight a fire hey hey whoa whoa whoa come on goody leave my brother alone no no I got this for your information I could go on calls you know the guys like my cooking I can't help help it if I know my way around a spice rck all right guys can we focus please Gokarts actually I can't do go-karts Thursday I got to drive my wife to the orthodontist to get her braces put on you got to be kidding me well she's got to smile like a busted picket fence but come on guys you with your kids your wife with her teeth get your priorities straight I'm not doing this for me I'm doing it for all of us and by the way not one thank you for the PowerPoint presentation I enjoyed it n it's too late oh man what alz from the fourth precinct his wife just gave him the boot and he needs a place to stay well how about you Duff you're single oh I can't I got my parents staying with me you mean at their house yeah what about you you have the garage to rent put him in there I'd love to help a fellow cop out it she said Donna wants an old lady in there she thinks they're more reliable but Alvarez's father owns Frankenstein that hot dog and beer place I know they sponsor the softball team we've been trying to start and then after the games we're looking at free beer all right I'll figure out how to get Donna on board with Alvarez yeah and let's be honest I mean most of the stuff we're doing for retirement is just okay the beer is what makes it great thank you so much we'll be in touch very soon oh my God and she knits which is like basically quilting how great is she what no you've turned down everyone what's with you she would be the perfect tenant okay first off she's addicted to heroin you saw the track marks track marks those were varicose veins oh please Grandma's riding the dragon everybody I'm home Kendra yeah hey hi Honey hi a there's my baby girl girl look at this I thought you had midterms but I wouldn't miss your retirement party now what would make you happier than anything else in the world okay I'm going to stop you right there all American Burger well I'm going to stop you right there backpack oh mama now if there was a strawberry shake Hood oh that is why she's my favorite hey grab plates there's burgers in there for all of us huh actually there's only four all right fine you guys can split one okay you didn't tell him did you about your boyfriend no you told me not to okay good I'm ready to tell him myself oh great okay but not tonight tonight is your dad's retirement party all right we got to think of a good time um oh Sunday right after church yeah there's a 1hour window in there when he's trying to be a better person he's coming tonight with his roommate what no no honey I haven't laid the ground workor okay you know what fine just introduce him him tonight let him make a good impression and then I'll hit your dad with the boyfriend thing later hey guys quick update uh I'm already two burgers in and there's really no sign of me slowing down so I think we're going to have to rethink the burger fractions well you know we don't have time to eat anyway we have to interview more tenants oh thank God cuz I ate all of them so Mr Alvarez I got to tell you we're not just taking anybody for this apartment but my gut tells me you're all right oh I see you're a cop hm small world you guys ever meet I want to say no we met a couple times I also want to say yes listen I just really appreciate you guys considering me my wife kicked me out oh I'm so sorry no no my shrink says I got to own my part in this I've been battling a pretty good siiz drinking problem back outs mouthwash the whole night says here your middle name's Carl that's pretty cool I'm sorry did you say drinking problem yeah and it doesn't help that my dad owns a beer joint but by the grace of God I am sober now 18 days uh can you give us a sec honey yeah okay sure please tell me this was not just a setup to get free beer okay that's how it started all right but I didn't realize he had this many issues all right and I'd be lying if I said the free beer thing wasn't like calling my name it's like [Music] right no no I'm calling back that other old lady you know the one you labeled a gang banger look I know it sounds crazy but I I want to help this guy I mean he's a good cop he's drinking mouthwash was drinking mouthwash okay you know how small the cups are really when you pop okay stop stop I've been going through your retirement budget and hunting you're spending money left and right you're building a go-kart and did you really buy a fast pass for the water park yeah I'm retired I'm not waiting on lines fine if this guy flakes you're going to have to get a side job okay I'll be home here all right I'll watch I please cops help cops fine okay I'll let you have this one on probation but the first slip up and this guy's out agreed agreed all right but let's be clear is drinking a slip up or a pre-existing condition okay just look I had a little cake made up for you oh oh is that a dead body that's not just any dead body this is your husband's first homicide [Music] scene well his little head fell off oh no no no no that's where it ended up uh Hey Dad I hope you don't mind but I invited some friends from school hey I'm Todd congratulations on your retirement Mr B yes congratulations I'm CH you know I have a lot of cops in my family so much respect sir well thanks Todd so you boys Prett LW with Kendra I am um but I also play baseball I mean it's crazy but the Mets and the Cubs are looking at me so really yeah and uh CH got his degree in computer science he's working on this amazing app I still don't have the exact idea yet I'm circling it but it is going to be massive you may be coming to my retirement party next year you know I played some ball myself I was a pitcher yeah I actually hit 90 once on the gun oh my God that's a nice heat hey Dad um I need to tell you something okay and and please I don't want you getting upset honey please I'm going to stop you all right look relax I know I've been toughing your boyfriend's before but I like this one Todd's a winner it's not Todd it's cha who's cha I'm CH we're in love it'll be a year in October uh excuse me Kendra's been dating a guy for a year she told you I asked her to wait what you knew about this yes I did but thank you for sticking to the plan honey well I had to do something dad was falling for Todd of course I was he's awesome but CH nothing no sparks why didn't you tell me she's dating someone because I asked her not to and we're not dating we're engaged engaged what hey guys one of your uh smoke detectors is low on battery keeps chirping that's how you know so if you got a 9V and a step letter up be right now nobody is getting married okay no I agree you need to focus on school and then lost school honey we talked about this okay Mom CH and I have a plan and it starts with developing his app guys he's a Visionary he wants to change the world you know what I want to go on tour with Taylor Swift but I don't know her and I don't play guitar and in your mind those are the only things holding your back to be continued okay listen to me I want to hear the rest of this plan okay it's very simple I got my old job back at the diner and I'm dropping out of school to support chill until he makes it big okay honey that's not a plan that is literally every stripper's backstory you know what I I have my own plan okay I'm leaving and I'm not coming back to you figure out how to make things work with Todd [Music] Todd okay everybody's gone now can we talk not now I'm training come on you haven't used that thing since you took it out of the box 8 years ago it was 6 years ago and you don't know how many times I've used it uh actually Lance the odometer tells me exactly how much you've used it thank you for stopping I'm not stopping I'm coasting down a hill okay look we have a lot to deal with and I understand that you're upset no no no no you hid this from me all right and that's not how we do things in this family sometimes we do there's a lot of stuff that you don't know I know everything that goes on around here I'm a cop yeah if even if you think I don't know trust me I know Sarah just got suspended for fighting and Jack started seeing the school therapist for anxiety oof I didn't know that wow my head is spinning I know it's a lot to throw at you nope it's the bike I haven't been on that thing in years I'm sorry right it's just I mean everything was in place Kendra was going to blaze through law school Jack and Sarah they were going to do something I don't know now the guys are bailing on it's like all falling apart oh honey I know but you're home now you know we'll get Jack and Sarah back on track together right now we just need to focus on Kendrick she's going back to school that's it agreed and she's not marrying that guy he's a loser he's a Bor Fest and he he doesn't deserve my daughter whoa what I just heard my father's voice that's exactly what he said about you I know everybody heard the [Music] toast dad what are you doing here I came here to tell you you're throwing your life away okay I can't talk to you right now I'm working now you got to talk to me I'm a customer and by the way I'm on the Yelp now so I will bring this place down well that's not my table so good luck telling Ellie how to live her life guys how's it go what the pot pile look sick huh chalk full of chicken so you want to talk here just go to the counter he thinks he's my dad I don't understand you you you you always make great decisions why are you doing this Dad why can't you trust me and why can't you give CH a chance he's sweet and you always told me to find someone who respects me and makes me feel special I think we get all that with Todd okay Dad look this isn't easy for me okay my feet are killing me I keep burning my fingers on the stupid toaster and I'm pretty sure the bus boy is stealing my tips yeah I see you Louie look you and Mom were dead broke when you started out and you guys made it work Jay and I can too okay stop stop okay hey all right if you promised to go to school down here you and chel can move into the house all right I just I won't rent the garage but I I thought you needed that for your retirement we'll figure something out all right come on I love you thank you Dad now you have to get chil on board I got a what you made a pretty bad first impression and and please please please be careful he's sensitive oh yeah where cuz that's exactly where I want to punch him hey CH Mr Gable please there's no need for a scene obviously we are both alpha males I'm texting Kendra she shouldn't be waiting tables putting all of her dreams on hold for mine and now it's causing problems with you I love her so much but but I have to break up with her well you do your thing I just need the mustard that's all I want hey CH don't uh don't send that look uh I want Kendra to stay in school so she's going to come back and live in the house and i' I'd like you to live there too well that that that's really generous yes you've got me we're practically family now I'm not normally a hugger good then we're good okay we got charged 90 bucks for four tubs of Muscle Milk protein powder oh that was me I was watching Rocky 3 and I got all fired up and then I uh I'll return it thank you oh so how's the job search going I don't want to count my chickens but you could be sleeping with the guy who's in charge of securing the perimeter of Hemstead Auto Mall ooh I like the sound of that no I mean you're going to have to sleep with that guy so I get the job that's whatever I got to do you're pretty awesome what was that for a you know what I'm talking about you did a great thing for your daughter we'll make it work it's that's what we do but I know you think your retirement is screwed up no I had two days it was a good run no I know you had your heart set on building an indoor zipline or going to ninja camp or I don't know so you don't get to race go-karts with paintball guns you do get to spend a lot more time with your kids and at the end of the day isn't that ultimately better for two decades we protected and served now we rule these streets dad my seat's wobbly yeah that's cuz I uh I added it last night and the light wasn't too good but Hey listen if we get separated just meet back at the house all right you're going to be good 3 2 1 go enjoy the bushes [Music] [Applause] buddy on the [Applause] [Music] right oh yeah wooo yeah baby sweep your [Music] move don't want highest you just don't want know [Music] he