How Cooper Kupp's Emotional Evolution Has Impacted Football, Life and Parenting

there's one time in eight in the eight years maybe one time one time in the eight years in the league where I've allowed my emotions like come out and it's a meme and yeah and it's made it's it's officially a a gif officially a gif that use GIF or GIF I use it the old man way I'm pretty sure it's a gif but the oldies call it a gif [Music] welcome back to the Daily Grind I'm Anna and this is Cooper they tried to get rid of us but they couldn't because this is our house today we're talking about something that we've talked about before on this podcast per se and um I just think it was something that I believe it was episode five so if you are listening and you want to listen to kind of maybe the prequel of this episode pause here and go listen to episode 5 and then join us back what this is what we're talking what we want to talk about is a little bit about breaking Cycles asking why doing a little bit of the work as it were I think it's been something we've talked about again just throughout this podcast is growth in our marriage in our relationships and being able to be critical inwardly of why we handle things the way we do why we are the way we are and then just ultimately how that how we interact with each other and like the roots and the motivations behind that and specifically to how we raise our kids I think so much of how you parent naturally comes from how you were parented right like how you were parented you just kind of carry that stuff forward I think if you're not careful about asking you know why it is that that happens I think we started going down that path and it's like wait like what what is the reason why we discipline this way or we react this way to our natural reaction to whatever is going on whether it's you know kids misbehaving if it's just kids bouncing off the walls what up exhaustion emotions you know I think that is a huge one also because our oldest June I mean all of our kids are emotional you know you don't realize how emotional children are obviously until your parents until you're Fielding you know the highest of highs and the lowest of lows 20 times a day you know and it could be over breaking the banana the wrong way it could be over you know I I can't find my Lego that I just had 5 seconds ago and now I am distraught and you have to like validate those feelings you know but it's also like okay we're going to find it you know we're going to get through this and being able to like yeah the emotional aspect of that I think and how that what's your reaction to that and and what's the place of those emotions and so you know like you said June our oldest is uh is very is very emotional and you we had to have some talks early on about you know how do we want to deal with that how do we want to guide emotion in a young child and as we've talked through stuff before in terms of how how I am the person that I am and how I was raised I have we spent a lot of time talking about what that looked like for me and you know growing up I've looked back on my own emotions and I feel like I was very I be I became very out of touch with how I felt and uh I tend to lean towards squashing my own feelings and whatever I whatever emotion I'm feeling and thinking more about how someone else is feeling and it becomes nothing about me and all about how someone else is and um people pleasing and that that attitude is I think very dangerous um for specifically for men out there I think for for anyone for men anyone but for men leading in their marriages that's a dangerous place to go because I think in a all of these places you you need you your responsibility is to lead and then ultimately to protect your family and now when you're with your family it's not just about how you feel it's not the feelings and the protection of your whole family of the whole of your wife of your kids and so it's not just the decisions that you make are not no longer just affecting you they're also affecting your family and that was something that's come up as we've talked to this like being in touch with who I am and how I'm feeling when something happens and I feel slided it's not it's no longer okay just to sweep that under the rug because it might not just be me being slided it could be me and you being slided right and if I I can't just sweep under the rug my emotion and yours and is that's not fair to you for you to have to deal with me because I don't want because I don't want to deal with the emotion you don't get to deal with the emotion I'm just going to we're going let that what just happen go and being work through coming out of that I think has been such a great thing and has been such so important to our marriage and it's still something I'm working on and now going back to June how important it is to not squash those feelings but let him identify them and say that like you are feeling this and that is perfectly fine like we want you to feel what this is and what you're feeling is not wrong now how do we harness that use it and control it and not allow it to control us and that's that is the conversation we've had had with had with him and so many times yeah and I as a parent used to I I I wanted to be like stop you just got to stop like you can't be sad about this like don't be sad about this it's so dangerous to start telling a kid how they're supposed to feel about something that in their world is it could be the it's a big it's a big deal like it is a big deal and be able to say hey it is okay to feel this way and how can we walk alongside you so that you can identify and then that as you grow like I want you to I want you to be able to feel these things and we're going to learn how to feel so when you are older you can feel this and you can make decisions because you can feel it you don't get to this place where things are so squashed you know you have something crazy and traumatic happened to you and you've never dealt with emotions so you don't know how and you either you know you go to a very dark or just not positive place because you've never dealt with emotion you know you don't know how to it's I think you know for me it was It was kind of scary getting to this place of feel like do I know who I am and how I like like if you don't have your emotions and you don't get to feel them like who are you who like what are the things that bother me what are the things that I care about if you don't get to have the negative pieces of that if you don't get to feel the things that bother you and be able to deal with them it's really hard to feel the other side of that as well and appreciate the other side of that and it's a scary place like I mean do I know who I am and do I know the things that I love do I know the things that I fear yeah and do I know the things that like do create sadness like that cause my you know that pit in my stomach and so much of that stuff I feel like I squashed I just put it down for so long I didn't I wasn't able to feel that I wasn't able to feel the highs of things and you know I think one of my biggest regrets is not having worked through that and think of all the things that I went through where I just like wasn't able to appreciate the high of a certain feeling like I me think like our wedding day yeah like one of the the the greatest day of my life I mean there was just there there was like this wall where I just hit this ceiling like I can't go past this point of emotion and there wasn't like you're walking down the aisle and I don't get to like you don't get to see the manifestation of how I feel and I'm not even able to feel it fully yeah because there's this like this block and I don't get I don't get to have that and then as we work through it and as we get to this place where we're able to like I'm able to find those things we're like we have kids and now it's like I can't watch a kids movie without having like this like this feeling of like like we watch Coco we're having June and like the end of it it's like the family coming back together and like how incredible this is I'm like this is about to be like I get to have this like I I'm about to have this family a wife who I adore and I get to love a little boy who I get to raise up and like I'm balling my eyes out and it's like this is what it's like to feel this is what like I get to feel the highs now I get to feel life to its fullest and to have someone to be in a place now that we have boys that have this great capacity for emotion I just want to harvest like harness that and like let them take that because I know what it's like to have that taken away and not be able to feel that not be able to take like take the highs take those things think people say like I'm not emotional when I play football and I think it's kind of going back to my safety mechanism of like I'm just going to stay right here you know I'm going to stay in this place but I want our boys to be able to have that emotion and be able to like be able to control it because it is important to be able to control your emotions but to be able to feel in the richness and the vibrancy of all those highs and then also feel the feel the low and and allow allow yourself to feel it but again not let it control what this piece of life that is you know can be used for good and not just sweeping it away like it it like it's nothing you know do you feel like that is a generational thing or like what where do you feel like that stemmed I I think I lacked it I lacked uh I don't think that you were born not being able to do that I'm what I'm saying is I think I lacked I think my parents just didn't cultivate it like they didn't allow that to be something that was allowed to be like it was there and but when it did boil over it was discipline it it was it was directed I was like that you can't do this like you are acting out of emotion consequence and I think where I go in my personality is I'm going to avoid that is now consequence and then it's like not connection with my parents or feeling like I'm in the bad Graces of my my family and wanting to like get back to good standing right and so it's like that caused me to do this and go here and this bad feeling I don't want to do that anymore so I go all the way back I'm just not going to feel that way and not let myself even get to that point and so that's why I'm saying like that cultivation of like allowing emotion to happen and saying like this emotion is not bad and making that clear I don't think that was made clear for me growing up um the importance of letting my emotion be there and that the action the actions are not always good that come out of emotion right but being able to being able to uh not verify but being able to like validate validate your emotion but being able to talk through like this is the consequence of the action that comes out of not being able to control these emotions and that's where I think things got squashed and I started to you know deter myself from being able to feel those things because I wasn't able to control never really taught how to control my emotions when they did get there and it was and it becomes it's dangerous because you get you bury it and you just bury it and bury it and bury it and bury and bury it and that's always going to be a recipe for disaster when you just let things just sit there and fester yeah and grow into these terrible terrible things but that's that's kind of I think when I think through like the asking why of how we do things like I don't want that for our boys and looking Inward and doing the work and saying this is how I grew up and I initially thought like this is right but then it's like there's so much that I'm missing and so much that I want for our boys in this so that's what I want to encourage people like ask yourself these questions ask yourself why are you doing what you're doing and is the reason and ask your parents and we've had conversations with my parents and your parents about this stuff you know like they're not getting they're being Shell Shocked by this conversation right now like they've had these had conversations with them and just being able to talk through why that is cuz like we've just discussed before we know our parents loved us and wanted the best for us that doesn't mean that they were perfect just like we're not going to be perfect for our kids but we want to try to move forward and try to be better like just like just like I know they want for us is to be better parents than they were to us yeah and just keep moving things forward and be able to ask these hard questions and I think that's really important yeah it is really important like for you talk about some of the things for me like what are some things for you that you feel like as you look at our boys in terms of how you were parented and how that translates to the kids what what what's something for you I think that a huge thing for me is just connection like that we talk about all the time but I think it's because it is at my core connection is so important to me and like real authentic connection you know and I want everyone of my boys to be able to in any circumstance come to me be able to talk through things be able to lay out whatever they need to in any circumstances and know that they're going to have an ear and they're going to be connected with you know and being able to build relationship in all things instead of having discipline be this thing where there's disconnection and then forced connection after where there's okay if it is a situation where you know there needs to be some teaching and learning and correcting let's do it through connection let's do this together you know you are a human that is needing to be molded and shaped and you are growing and learning you know being able to come alongside that because we're not going to be perfect and there's going to be things that we miss and there's going to be times where we do things poorly you know but if the connection can outweigh the things that we do poorly I just feel like there's always going to be an open door and there's always going to be just that ability for them to feel safe and loved yeah because I think the the worst thing is for as a parent thinking your child's going through something and not knowing that they're going through it yeah and not having built a place where they feel like they can come to you and talk to you about it and I think that you know maybe the way that my parents approached it was almost from like an insecurity like Fear Place of like well I just don't want you to do that thing because if you do that thing it's going to ruin your life or you know there's going to be these terrible consequences which yeah you know they are right but are kids going to do stupid stupid things are you going to make poor decisions in your life yes we all are but when you say don't do that or else and then you do the thing as a kid and you feel like your parents are the last person that you want to know that you did this because there's going to be disappointment and there's shame and there's guilt and there's fear I don't want that you know and obviously your kids are don't want to disappoint you and there's going to be times where they you know are maybe afraid but I just want them to know that the connection is there and that the love is there and waiting for for them that that I have made them feel safe and connected and loved even in the times where it's been hard and we've had to walk through and talk about hard things but I want that you know to be Paramount of like first and foremost like I love you and like you're safe here yes I think that's so powerful and that's where you want when you're in that place because there is going to be shame there's going to be decision that you make there not going to think through all the think through both of our Lives the decisions that we' have made that if gone just a hair differently would have change and alter our lives forever and I think everyone has those decisions they look back and like wow my life almost took a gigantic rightand turn right here and by the grace of God you you were able to move past that yeah and not have these terrible things some people don't some people have those things where that it just CAU from some people made one decision that they look back on like I some people are like man I feel like I was a pretty good made good decision so you make one and it just is a game-changing decision for your life which is terrifying as a parent which is terrifying as a parent it's absolutely terrifying and you want to try to avoid that like you try but like you said kids are like you're going to make bad decisions it's going to happen and I I'm so thankful that we get to trust that God is holding our boys in their hand and he loves them more than we could ever imagine like anything that we can comprehend and he's got a great plan for them and we get to parent alongside the father who loves each of us so dearly and unconditionally and that is that is what gives us peace in this and also why we get to parent we parent from this place of like we want to create this safety and knowing that there's going to be shame there's going to be decisions that you make that are not good but we want to be a safe place for you to come and talk to us and like like you've said you know you are loved regardless of what happened here and we're going to work through this together and and and building that and knowing that you are going to feel shame you are going to feel alone at times but we don't want you to feel like you can't take this loneliness and come to us yeah and like we are going to be here to take whatever that is whatever that shame is whatever that those feelings are and like you can lay them on us and we're going to work through them together and we're work for a solution and be able to move forward yeah so that can have the confidence I think to as you know you do send your kids off you know instilling this courage and just this confidence that I can make decisions and there may be some bad decisions that come you know and I can move past them and they're not going to haunt me for forever you know and just not having the fear of the one bad decision you know like just take root and then not be able ble to make any decisions because you're afraid you're going to make the wrong one exactly and that's I mean when you and and we are in that place if you create this place of fear and we've talked about this as well like you don't want to live in a world of a place of fear as parents you don't want to live in that place as kids you don't want to live in that place it's just not nothing good and fruitful comes out of living daily in place of of fear so I just think that's I mean that's such an important piece of how we so important to how we parent and the the values we place on our boys and man what a great reminder yeah like just for us to like be dialed into that and understanding when you are exhausted and tired and exhausted and tired exhausted and exhausted didn't do it enough it needed to be and tired you're exhausted and tired and over simulated that's like these interactions with your boys on what seemingly are small things are really building the base yeah creating a safe place to interact with your kids and being able to um change Behavior right we're trying to correct Behavior we're not trying to change change emotions yeah how do you think that you know you talked about being able to actually feel and to you know like you said you're a very like levelheaded player you know how do you feel like being able to maybe unlock some of that like emotion and be able to to allow emotion into your life do you feel like that's changed any like the way that you play or anything on the field I I think it's changed the way that I interact with my teammates outside of like between the whistles I guess outside like on the field I think on the field there's just such a heightened like uh there such a heightened sense of focus that when you're in that place it's like I am in this place to execute my job yeah when I I get on the field it's I'm here to execute whatever is asked of me yes as soon as the play ends my mind snaps out of it's like it doesn't matter what just happened next play have to execute again and so there's not there's no time totally like for me there's no time for emotion yeah there's no time for anything it's just like we just need to go execute next next thing and you know I've had to talk to puka about this because he's a very emotional person and he'll get up and scream at the top of his lungs and flex his whole body and scream again and run to the sidelines because he's out of breath and I've had to tell him like dude one last scream stay on the field because it's third down and you know we get some extra plays back so we've worked on that we're working on it we're getting through getting through that he's he's doing he's he's going to do a lot better I'm optimistic but for me I've had a few moments where I feel like what's what has changed for me in this and this is what you're really the root of what your question is I've got to the point where I I feel free to enjoy the highs of good plays of of good play it's my good play or anyone else's good play I I I feel like I allowed to freely feel that and be excited about it how that manifests isn't always like it doesn't always manifest it but I get to at least feel it and I don't feel like I'm it doesn't feel like uh like oh I'm I'm I'm too high and you could back down you know what I mean it's like I'm i' I'm allowed to now enjoy this enjoy the highs enjoy coming out of the lows and the es and flows of a game and you I think I said the word vibrancy like football is more vibrant now because as we've worked through stuff and I'm able to feel like that is feeling all those allowing myself to feel all those things and the journey and enjoying all those challenges and um and feeling the good and not being like Oh at the end of the game is what determines whether I feel good or not like there's a lot of stuff that happens during the course of a game a lot of good stuff a lot of losses that we've had where I've like man we did some really good stuff out there that we can take this and do some really like this this this is right there so there is some of that and um you know there's one time in eight in the eight years maybe one time one time in the eight years in the league where I've allowed my emotions like come out and it's a meme and and yeah it's made it's it's officially a a gif officially a gif that can use GIF or GIF I use it the old man way I'm pretty sure it's a gif but the old called it a gif I almost feel like yeah that's I think that's the only time I've I've done it maybe one time my rookie year against Seattle the same game that I dropped the game winning touchdown I caught a deep cross and Earl Thomas was coming flying down out of the post he was cutting the high cross and Jared put a nice little layered ball over the backer and I went up and caught on the sidelines and I knew Earl was coming for me so I pull it down got the feet down real quick and ear goes flying over the top of me I was pretty fum about that play and I gave a little like mini Flex like something like that but aside from that people didn't really see that one people it didn't it wasn't GIF worthy speaking of the legion of boom we got hard hitters coming I know I'll go first I've talked a lot about fashion here um but I'd like to hear your take on this one and what shoes are acceptable to wear with a tuxedo what's the event an event in which you would wear a tuxedo I know but I feel like there's levels of formality even let's do two we're gonna do one okay we're GNA do one wedding just just going to a wedding and they just say it's black tie a black tie wedding and then there's another one which is like an event an actual like you know you're probably going to be a red carpet cameras or stuff that you got get yourself it's so circumstantial though because I feel like there's also people that you know who you're like okay this is black tight and they want it to be fancy but they also like like a little bit of pizzazz you know because then you you can do something maybe a little bit more hip and trendy just like any red carpet event okay so let's do red carpet event Odell's wedding when those are like the same we don't know that so Odell's wedding red carpet those are the same okay fine what what what is it what where where the shoes that are allowed okay I feel like any number of shoes any number of shoes what type like like are sneakers allowed yes yeah but it's not any sneaker obviously I think that the thing for me is the aesthetic and like the taste Elevate The Tuxedo like what does this tuxedo look like and what does the shoe look like so what you're saying is you can't wear a classic tuxedo and a pair of JS I mean again like what's the J and how is the tuxedo like fitting you that's what I'm saying so like like by classic tuxedo standard black and white penguin tuxedo I know but is it like did you have it tailored it's tailored but there's nothing like exra sh J would be hard that's like classic fit of a tuxedo if you did a new age version of tuxedo with an extra little extra Pizzazz to it then you can maybe have some more leeway if the more the more adventurous you are up top the more adventurous you can be on the bottom yeah and also just the way that it fits you I think too like how is it cut and I know there's obviously like a specific tuxedo you know cut but if it's cut differently and it makes sense like it's possible you can do it most people what I'm getting from this is that most people shouldn't do it yeah okay most people shouldn't keep it clean yeah nice I think that's probably what's going to look best if you're just like if you're wondering we a like dress shoe yes yeah I think that's really what is cu some people wear tuxedo and they want to wear something like I want to do something just be different to stand out that's not really the the whole deal with tuxedos you know like everyone's kind of looking the same yeah you know except some peoples are tailored nicely and some unfortunately are not yeah which is fine it's a tuxed though everyone's uncomfortable that's what's most important so so here's here's a hard hitter it might be a hard thing but getting to this place of realizing there's someone out there who is hated by nearly everyone on this planet and all that they want to do and all that they do ultimately is help people and this person is autocorrect and autocorrect has been we carry it around with us every day and it's saving Our Lives lives from saying some of the most ridiculous things and all we do is yell at it and blame it for all of our mistakes and so this is why I think I just want to take a second and tell some turn off autoc correct for a day turn off for a day and see what absolute ridiculous stuff that you've been texting to all of your friends and you'll you'll be so thankful you'll be so thankful for auto correct for like the your you have friends like your your sentence makes no sense he you got numbers in here that not even supposed like what is what are these but auto correct has been changing those things to legible sentences for you and you get mad because it turns love into move one time you know like like you get you get one little word here there and I will be I will say auto correct for whatever reason can't do the simple things the simple ones don't it like Yeah well my autoc correct is always changing my words that are spelled correctly to something not well and wheel seems to have an issue with or like lead and fed I'm like no I wanted to say let and you changed it to Fed three times in a row and then I literally had to I will say I think what happens is arar is so overworked because it's correcting everyone's nonsense that it can't do everything they allowed autoc correct they like they they're helping auto correct a little bit because they have the edit now now they allow you to go back in and make some changes and that is really helpful cuz then you don't get as mad at auto correct because you're like okay that was annoying and but you don't have to just you start it you can like actually change it which is huge and auto autre now has a buddy called edit called edit to come alongside it and help do you think that the edit thing has been more helpful or caused more problems for people I think it's I think it's helpful CU because it has a tag you know it's it's I know I know but it could be it could be manipulated yeah you know pretty easily I'm sure no one does that people are really honest which is another thing I want to touch on here real quick I don't know if you guys saw the cofa America situation at uh Hard Rock so people broke into the stadium for the the final for Columbia Argentina and so they broke in people with tickets weren't allowed into the game because there was people broke in they pushed everyone out okay you can't be in here right then there was a crush that was happening so they had like okay we need to open the Gates people come flooding in then once you get capacity boom it's off so people that bought tickets don't get to go into the stadium and there's just people that went in there right and guess what people were upset about the security the security obviously was a terrible I can't believe the security was so bad such a terrible situation and no one addresses the fact that these people are that people I'm not saying these I'm saying all people people we just gota we got to bring it together we have we just have to be better right security shouldn't be there to keep that from happening yeah security should be there to help make sure the flow of everything in was there like a how did a mass movement for people to try to get in without tickets happen though how did that happen that must have there must have been like we're just going to rush stadium that had to have been like a I don't know but people the point is people like let's let's address it as Humanity let's say you know what it's not about security I'm sure that stadium was lit though because everybody who was in there was like and stuff was like this was life or death yeah let's just be better just be better okay so hard hitters uh this is one that I think parents everywhere can relate with parents of children over maybe four or five fiveish fourest is probably four yeah and this is this might be a little sciency are Legos a solid or a gas and this is my thought on this they look like a solid you step on them they're definitely a solid because they pierce your skin and cause you to bleed everywhere but they do fill the volume of whatever space they are in you bring them into the house they are everywhere in the house that's a characteristic of gas it is there's an argument to be made physics wise that Legos are in fact a gas and I just think you know I think if enough of us parents really spend some time thinking about it we could probably you know be really button this one down the Lego issue is just seems like an insurmountable problem it is insurmountable insurmountable I believe is the correct pronunciation of that but wait actually Michael Scott I think says inle Okay um and he knows how to pronounce things but uh so yeah so this Lego thing it is a problem like you said and there's no answer there's no answer you tell you say there's one room you say the Legos stay in here the Legos stay in this room the the answer is just not introducing Legos I know they are a good toy though for creativity they and they love them they they they play with them for a long time it's just you can't keep them in one room it's impossible to keep in one room they end up everywhere always they can't you can't not and they're like always they are never where they left them no and that's the hardest part because they're always so frustrated that they can't find their Lego that they just left on the couch it's now no longer on the couch yeah who's responsible for finding the Legos they are but we always end up finding the Legos exactly it's it ends up being our job because like it needs to happen it needs to be saved but the but it's just it's really hard cuz you're holding the Lego they're holding the Lego we're going from this room across all to that room we get to that room to get the piece that they wanted say okay where's your guy the Wormhole the Lego Wormhole has taking this guy and he is nowhere to be seen anymore it's gone so yeah so you parents you get it but we'll button it down let you go solid or gas let us know all right well that's it for today man we got deep thank you MH thank you for joining us oh thank you for me yeah oh yeah you're welcome I love you I love you thank you for being with us today it was fun until next time this is a Daily Grind [Music] [Music]