The Balance Between Supporting Your Kids and Pushing Too Hard, Plus the Kupp Family Football History

what I want to know though is how many times has Sean McVey called you bud or buddy like he called everybody bud or Budd I know but I feel like you specifically like how many if you just had to guess like ballpark how many people has he called but no how many times has he called you me yeah oh hundreds hundreds I I don't want to say thousands it might be a thousand it might be like at a thousand [Music] welcome back to the Daily Grind I am Anna and this is Cooper thank you you may not know but this is the Cooper the real one the real one sometimes my cyborg twin is out and about it's on this show and you don't know that's that I'm the real one you want to talk about what we're going to be talking about today I don't know if we'll get there after that intro we might just shut this thing down now no yeah we can get into this so today we're talking about really a tough subject which is overbearing coaches and parents and really pushing how much do you childhood yeah in childh how much how involved are you in your child's uh interests yeah this is a this is a a toughy because there's some very normal people out there that I would that I would have never guessed that when you put them next to a l League field they get all frazzled up all mixed up it's like it it has to be every like they're just walking by a park and they get too close to a field and they sudden it's like the magnetism start getting like all like foaming at the mouth their muscles get tight everything like doesn't matter so anyways people we haven't really experienced this firsthand because we have only done t-ball and then that was two years ago so like last year I was pregnant with sunny this year I just it was June would have been in a league where they have tryouts and they have a draft and it's just way more intense and we were not five years old and they drafting yes three-year-old and a newborn and I was like I just cannot handle this right now and it's not fair to see siblings it's a hard ball at 5 years old they're drafting coaches are like trading draft picks and like negotiating like oh yeah I'll give you I'll give you I'll give you the seventh round pick yeah give me your seventh and your second we just he just wants to be with his friends end friends so if we could just do that be good but you know I think what's hard is as parents you want to encourage your your child and you want to like challenge them and push them because there's going to be difficulties there's going to be things that come up that you have to work through yeah like you're like n like very rarely is a kid going to be good at something the first time they do it some kids are prodigies and that's amazing but there like a lot of times it's like hey how do you teach your child practice and overcoming something and where is the line between like hey this is just a hard time right now or this is difficult this is a hard thing but pushing them to do it and then the other side of like overbearing and forcing them to do something that they don't even really want to do and I think that's a hard it's a hard line to draw and I think the thing that I that you don't want to happen as a parent is to be like down the line looking back having your kid look back on their lives and ever say the words like I wish you had like challenged me more in this or like push me more to do something um he just be like well as a parent you're like it's not like it's not like you didn't want them to do it you didn't challenge them to do it it's just like I don't I wasn't sure if you were interested and you just it's a tough thing to like a hard line to draw I think lot I think that there's two sides of the spectrum because I would be more disappointed in myself if I had my child come up to me and say I wish that you weren't there I wish that you didn't push me like you did yeah like that like hurt our relationship yes you know that to me is more devastating that's line you don't want to be on yes than I wish you would have pushed me more which you know I experienced that you know there are t are things that I wish my parents maybe would have been more involved in would have you know pushed me in a little bit more but it didn't sacrifi there was not relationship sacrificed because of that you know maybe some disappointment here and there but um which is also you know like as a parent you don't want that but I think that the spectrums like for me I would rather be on the less you know forcing and pushing than overbearing yes no and I I completely agree with that and I think you're trying to get as close to that middle ground as you possibly can but like oh man to be on that side of things where you you moved outside of parent because really what you're doing is you're moving outside of your own like moving outside of your parenting and moving into your own interests your own Ambitions your own plans and forcing them essentially upon your kids the vicariousness I mean I I think back to times where you've told me about you know being at a basketball game and only being able to hear your dad and like being playing better when you know he wasn't there because of that pressure that you felt yeah and that and that's a a hard thing and I think every kid is different obviously which is why it's difficult but I think I had I had a period of time time through Middle School especially where self-esteem was just extremely low like just extremely low and I'm on a travel basketball team and I'm riding the bench at every tournament um I go in there I just feel like I'm completely outmatched and I'm just terrified of messing up I'm terrified of letting the guys down turning the ball over like I'm like don't pass me the ball because I just don't want to like mess anything up and I know my dad's intention was always he just wanted me to go out there and like let it go and have fun but when he was yelling at me from the like there was it's like this isn't fun now like I don't want to be out here I can't do the thing that I feel safe doing which is get rid the ball because my dad's yelling at me to do something different in the do something out of fear yeah and so I'm like yeah exactly so I'm I'm just in a straight up fight ORF flight like an anxious place and um and that's not like I to for me putting myself in that position it's like I would never want to be in a place where you know June or Cyprus or sunny like would rather not have me at a game you know like like that that's just never what I would never want so do you feel like in that situation are you taking them out of the situation completely do you think that okay so I have it we have one of our kids has low self-esteem through a certain period of their life I think that at least in my mind it goes to Let's address the low self-esteem first and let's do something that we can gain confidence in whether that's you know let's go do drills and let's you know do some clinics that maybe can build some confidence and some skill in that way before we're on a team that you don't feel comfortable playing in you know cuz I know that some people would say well it's good to like have competition and to like be on a team that you know you are you know competing while you're out there and you're getting better cuz you're playing at a higher level but if you don't have the self-esteem and it's just hurting and that's what I think it yeah I do I think it goes back to the very root of like you got like well why do you have self like why low self-esteem exactly my low self-esteem didn't come from like like yeah I didn't like I didn't want to mess up I didn't feel like you know I didn't think I was as good at people as bask at this basketball at this point in my life but I ALS was like you know I was bringing something onto the court already that was this is a life thing this is like I don't want to let my friends down these are like they're my teammates but these are the people these are my friends I don't want to let my friends down I don't feel like I'm going to like they don't want I don't want to mess up here and be like I can't be friends with them because I'm just not good enough to be with him and so like that's where I think I I go if if you speak out of your own experiences right if I go back and go to that place or if I'm now switching places with my dad I think it's more about the connection of just the life stuff like totally how can I connect better on the life stuff to understand what's happening in a middle schooler's life that's what I'm saying and so knowing that as a parent that your child's going through something like that in my mind it's like okay well like let's forget the sports for a second you know that will come and it's more important even if you are wanting to be on the team you know like let's get to the root of the life stuff and like let's connect and do things that are going to going to you know cultivate connection between us and give like us that relationship so that I am on the same page with you and you are know excited about exactly and now you're doing it together and now in and now and now dad's now like as a dad like now I'm on your team like I want to be there and be on your team for this and that's and that's where I think if like that's that's where I think I go with that you know and um being in that place is it's it's about the connection with your kids and you know the the things that I look back on as a kid the things that were most me memorable things that were the most fun were when we were doing it as a family when we were doing like going to the park and playing football with my dad like we we're so much going to the gym with my dad and shooting Hoops like all these things backy Backyard Baseball when Mom and Dad were playing was the best I mean and that was so rare for my family to have like my mom and dad out there and it was but I have those are core memories that I have when specifically my mom you know who has she grew up half in Bolivia half here and they didn't play baseball you know she can like kick a soccer ball and swing a tennis racket but they didn't play baseball and so for her to like come out and just like play with us was so special and so fun and yeah the times that you're actively involved in the things that your kids are doing when there's you know connection being cultivated that is I think really what the focus for us yeah and and that's and the root of this question like where do you draw the line it's like what if we took that line out and said hey the things if you want your kids to go after something go do it with them yeah like go go do the thing with them cuz when kids are having a fun time doing whatever they're doing and I'll tell you what believe not kids when they're young kids like they love doing things with their go do things with your kids and they're going to have a fun time and then when their memories of doing things are fun experiences they're going to want to do those things no totally and and like you were saying like young kids want to do things with their parents that doesn't last forever you know and so being able to take advantage of the time where it is like Dad can you throw the ball with me or Mom can you play soccer with me or can you push me on the swing or can you sit here and learn this song on piano with me which I can't really do but I try because I love spending time with the boys you know being able to do the things with them right now because they need that connection with us like that is so important that is the main thing that is the line and and that's that's it I think you said this you said this and I think it's so powerful you talked about kids and their view of parents as their superheroes and you had said you want to maximize that time maximize the time that you're like with your kids when they believe that you are you know that you wear a cape and that like they want to emulate everything that you do maximize that time because it's not always going to be there yeah and being able to take advantage of that being able to make sure that those times when when they're waking up in the morning and they just want to be with you and they're asking you a thousand questions and they want you to do a thousand things with them it's like do it but you know what I also think that what's so beautiful about that is that I think that we're given that as a gift right like your kids see you they want to be like you they see you as this like superhero you know and when we cultivate that relationship during that time then when the cape comes off and they know that you are a human being you have this relationship that you built together that like you know your kids and your kids know you and and you have this incredible just connection and relationship you know that you have put in the time to build you know just because your kids live in your house doesn't mean that you have a relationship doesn't mean that when they go live somewhere else out of the house that you're going to have that relationship still it takes work and being able to do that when they are asking for it and taking that time I think is what builds it when they're gone when when now when they are begging for connection and looking for connection give them that connection because how much harder is it going to be through the teenage years when it's like they don't really want that connection you but you've already connected so they want to have there then they want to be there and it's in and you are a safe and that's really what I was getting to like you have created a safe place for them to be and now you are and you are a part of that yeah and and that is just something that's so valuable and when you get behind theall on that it is really hard I think it's really hard to find a way to do that when that safety wasn't created when they did see you on that pedestal when they saw you up there and you weren't connecting with them and you weren't intentional about the time that you got to spend with them it's really hard than when they move into that new place where like they no longer see you on that pedestal and they're not that wasn't reciprocated as a as a kid and now you're at this place where it's uh much more difficult to connect with them and they don't have that they don't have that safety safety net yeah so man how incredible is that picture though I mean when you said that to me I was like I just want to like I want to put that I want to put that they were I want to put that on my bedroom door so I walk out they're like your kids think you're a superhero and I walk out the door and start the day like with that M you know cuz um um because I want to make the most of that and and I want to be able to be intentional with I I want to I also like like I don't want to let them I don't want to let them I know I'm going to go I'm going to like man I don't want to let them down I want them to see me as that and be able to provide that for them and say you know I'm not as great as you see your mom and dad being like we're here for you and we're going to be intentional and we're going to you know we're going to build the hell out of this Lego set right now you know like whatever diving into like what they're asking you to do and being a part of their life and stepping into like their passions and and I think that's something too that you know when parents have their own passions which is great you know being able to do the things that you love to do with your kids is so beautiful and it's so fun because it's something that you love to do that you're sharing with your child when it's something that maybe you haven't done before or that you don't love as much you know it's still beautiful to build that connection and to step into that with them obviously it's harder um but I something that we have talked about is being able to give our kids opportunities to find passions but also have skills that they might have for the rest of their life you know there are goals you know once you find something and you find your lane and like go forward with it like as you know hard as you would like to and we will be supporting you and we will be you know giving you the challenges that you want and deserve but the idea that like it has to look a certain way in order for it to be like a fruitful hobby or something you know like playing the piano you might not be a concert pianist but being able to like have you know be around some friends or during a holiday and be able to sit down and play something like that's so fun you know and just being able to pick up tennis racket and be able to like have a friendly match you know when you're older or golf or whatever it is you know as a kid as you grow up you are just accumulating skills and abilities and find I mean hopefully finding a passion whatever it is but like you're G have all these skills and abilities and most of them are not going to be used specifically for what like you thought that was going to be used for but it's you're going to you're there's so many of that that's going to come back later in life that you're going to see and that you're going to have and like you're going to be able to draw draw upon like yeah and just just enjoy being being able to do that and being able to create some of this um you know create some diversity I think I think we need more of that we need more of that we need more parents involved in being a part of their kids' lives and in a very meaningful way and not in uh you're going to do what I do because I said so vicariousness way yeah I said that clearly that makes sense so in your personal like football Journey how much of it do you feel like was pushed and how much of it do you feel like was an internal like this is my passion and I feel like I kind of know this answer just from like what youve shared with me but yeah I I feel like as like growing up as a as a boy I didn't feel like football was pushed you know and I've talked a little bit about my dad and my grandpa most people I don't know if you'll know but like my dad and Grandpa both played in the NFL my dad's experience was not a positive one I'd say like he didn't talk about football and what his football life was really like unless you proud at him and asked him about it and it was definitely like a shared passion it was something that we love doing together at a young age I remember just really young age being like like throwing the ball in the backyard really playing each sport playing baseball in the backyard dad's hitting you ground balls totally playing basketball like whatever it was we just loved being outside playing sports together but football specifically was like really a shared passion which is what you're talking about that's that's a really cool thing when you have a shared passion for something but I didn't feel I feel like at a young age I kind of knew that that was what I wanted to do and I didn't ever feel like there was a time where like my dad was like hey let's go throw the football around that I was like ah no I don't really want you he's like oh no no like we're going like it's not you know what I mean it was like uh if we were doing that it was like a special thing like oh yes I'm so excited to go do that connection yeah ex it's a connect it was something I really wanted to do cuz I got to do with my dad something we got to do together and um so that was something for me that and then that grows obviously as that becomes as you get older an intrinsic thing that's like I'm going to spend time doing football even whether I'm with my dad or not like I enjoy that and I want to like do it I want to spend time doing it and I think what was also really cool just with the fact that you know Cooper's dad played quarterback in the NFL and so being able to at a high level you know you're in college and you can come home and your dad can throw to you I think that he might have even during your rookie season yes so going it it was going after right because I was pregnant with you yes when we got well really whenever we would go back to yaka and I was doing where if we were ever back there and I was in a per time where we were working out having to do stuff you know he he was my quarterback and that was but how rare is that so it's so cool it's so and he was and like it comes back to that you know like as you're like think of the full picture the full circle of like as a kid your dad's like hey hey buddy let's go throw at the park like yes let's go and then it goes full circle and I'm coming back home we're getting ready for the draft hey buddy and I'm like yeah and I'm like I come in look my dad like hey buddy let's go to the park and he's like yeah yeah but yeah it's like the full circle of like you know now I get to be the one I'm like I'm the one like hey I really need to go throw and my dad's so excited cuz he gets to like we're we're jumping the fence to get into the high school so he can throw and he's like throwing until his it was unlocked you just wanted to climb the fence yeah it was it was unlocked this would be a better story if we climbed the fence no it was actually locked we had to climb it it it was I just try I try it was I know okay that yeah okay I was making sure it was clear for everyone else out there that it was in fact locked but we got out there and like and he's like I want to throw until my arm falls off you know like that was so much that's like so much fun no it is it's awesome that you guys have that and I think that's kind of just that you know to wrap up that part just like the connection that is really what we want to be able to cultivate with our kids yeah it is also speaking of Buddy oh is that is that what we're getting to yeah oh yeah so this is a hard hitter for sure so okay you're Dad wow this is perfect like we planned it I know this is we this is like perfect it is perfect why don't you why don't you te this one up okay do you want me to read this no why don't you te up like give give us some context okay so literally anywhere we go it does not matter the scenario it doesn't matter where we are at on the globe it there's something about Cooper's aura that is Buddy to any other male outside of him it could be some who is the same age it could be someone younger it could be somebody much older which is maybe maybe the only exceptable yes only yes but when you are calling a man buddy like I just don't it doesn't make sense to me that other men call men buddy like hey buddy hey bud but without exception pretty much everybody in your life besides maybe my dad I don't think my dad's ever called you buddy or Bud yeah no he I don't know if he's ever called any buddy that I know because maybe he's a buddy and Bud oh maybe that's what it is you're either you either are a buddy or bud or you call people that but everybody calls you bud and it if I'm there it just is like nails on a chalkboard I'm like that is my grown ass husband that you are putting into a small child category yes right with the butt or bu so really the question is this cuz it is and I'm so glad that you feel the pain that I feel you can you can meet me there and you know it is I don't yes it is it's irksome are there people whose name is Buddy outside of obviously the buddy we know in the North Pole in Santa's Workshop but is that is there people named Buddy and really why is this why is there a group of people who are deemed unworthy to the point that the rest of the world calls somebody I do have the title and the label of uh president Emperor Supreme of this group of people Budd of the Buddy group who will I will I I'm refer to it doesn't matter if you're three years old I have a three-y old come call me buddy it doesn't matter so like I want we want to know we want to know if this like like all of all of you who are buddy let's get together in a support group we we will help each other out we'll keep strong and all of you non-b buddies out there you're the problem because you're calling people buddy stop stop doing it it's except there's at least I would say an acceptable age difference is 30 to 40 years okay what I want to know though is how many times has Sean McVey called you bud or buddy like he everybody I know I know but I feel like you specifically like how many any if you just had to guess like ballpark how many people has he called but no how many times has he called you me yeah oh hundreds hundreds I I don't want to say thousands it might be thousand it might be like at a thousand it's been so many times and you just let it go like okay it's fine I mean Sean looks like he's 60 you have keep close enough to him because the camera doesn't do it justice but the stress the rigors of the job you are just throwing him into a Botox session I'm not doing that yes you are I'm not I'm not his face is going to be frozen from now say this you're saying he looks like he's 60 fine he's a grown man he's a grown man he can make his own decisions you do not listen to Cooper but stop you look good Sean um but okay the second piece no hold on there was something else I wanted to say real quickly and I just want get 40 years age difference if you're 40 years older than the person call Senior you can call someone buddy outside of that there's really not a good situation to do it also just sidebar here my twin Jake Jas as many people know um recently retired from the NFL he has so I really don't like being called it's like I I don't like being called buddy it's irksome as I said is frustrating he has like a traumatic trigger where if you you call him buddy it's automatic hay makers it's like it's fighting words to call him buddy so Jake tros I see you I'm with you man it's not okay we're we're gonna fight this together so anyways second thing which is is like you said this is on brand this is on topic um I want to discuss the name Craig the name Craig and I want to know from Craigs what was was your name before you turned 30 and became Craig because there's no Craigs before 30 you're only Craig after 30 so there's like there's this thing here and I feel like there's probably an inverse we've talked about this what's the inverse there's somebody who is only something in tell their like there's a there's a name like I was thinking Cole but we know now then we we met yeah that was older like there's there are people who are a certain name and then they're only there it's only like when they're a baby cuz like there's no baby Craigs never met a baby Craig there's no baby Craigs out there and this is Cooper's dad's name that's why we're saying yeah my dad's Craig but he so this is the other issue is I think I think most Craigs actually lose their memory at 30 and forget what their name because I've tried getting it out of my dad what his name was before Craig and there's no records everything's like blanked out on all of his like all his documentation new birth certificate was reissued it's like a government conspiracy really that we need to dive into so I you guys out there you can dive into it do the research for us we don't have the time for it but do the research and figure out about this Craig situation that's the Daily Grind anyways so um we'll see you next week with the answers on this Craig situation see you later don't call Cooper buddy don't call me buddy [Music] [Music]