James Darren: “Evy Have I Lost A Son?” | Evy Norlund - 1962

Do You Still Love Me do you still love me daddy the little boy asked of  course i do are you sure daddy the man looked down   at his son five years old he thought my firstborn  and he doesn't know if i love him he stooped down   until his eyes were on a level with the child's i  do love you he said slowly i have always loved you   i always will love you even if i should have to go  away or even if you should do something terribly   naughty i would still love you do you understand  will you remember that yes the little boy said   then with lowered eyes he added but i am naughty i  mean because i'm not coming with you today the man   sighed he stood up making sure to smile before he  spoke that's not naughty i understand that i can   see you next week next week for sure right right  the boy said he stood quietly watching as the man   opened the car door and climbed in then before the  door could shut he flung himself onto his father's   lap for a moment the man's face brightened change  your mind but the little boy had not kiss me   Goodbye Daddy goodbye daddy he begged again again as the car  moved away from the curb the child ran after it   goodbye he shouted the car picked up speed the  little boy chased it all the way down the block   goodbye he cried goodbye daddy goodbye jimmy  darren drove on that high wistful little voice   rang in his ears all the way home he still heard  it as he turned the key in his apartment door his   wife came running out of the kitchen hi there you  too she said then she stopped she looked at her   husband where is little jimmy jimmy darren bit his  lip he didn't want to come he said his friend joey   invited him to spend the afternoon and stay for  supper he said to me i want to go if you don't   mind just like an adult i want to go if you don't  mind so i told him i didn't mind i let him go   oh darling his wife said softly not again yes it  was even worse than last time last time when i   Evie Have I Lost A Son said well at least get in the car and come for a  ride with me he came even though he was wondering   if i really would let him out this time he must  have seen how disappointed i was he kept asking   me if i still loved him he kept wanting me to kiss  him evie have i lost him of course not she said   gently all that was to show you that he loves you  yes jimmy said he loves me and so he feels guilty   because on a sunny saturday he wants to play with  another child instead of spending the day with me   he loves me and i love him and so at five years  old my son has to start feeling guilty he looks   so sad i can't take it the poor kid evie nodded  and poor you she said next time you tell him   the heck with joey i'm your father i only have  one day a week with you and you're coming with   me she looked at her husband now you go wash your  hands and we'll have lunch darling she said it's   all ready he nodded he left the room but he didn't  go down the hill to the bathroom instead he opened   a partly closed door and walked into a quiet sunny  room there in a crib slept his other son christian   his second-born the child of his second marriage  at the sound of footsteps the sleeping baby awoke   he saw his father's face in cooed with the light  holding out his arms to be picked up the man swung   him out of the crib and held him tight god he  thought let this child at least always smile for   me let me be able to make the world safe and happy  for him let him never be afraid holding christian   in his arms he went to his lunch it hasn't been  easy for jimmy darren to see his two sons growing   up in different homes but then he never expected  that it would be several years ago when he and   gloria were slowly coming toward divorce jimmy  had cried out in anguish i know my marriage is   over but what if my wife gets married again how  will i stand it if my son calls a mother man daddy   all too soon he learned that he would have to  bear just that it began with an unexpected bad   A Bad Break break just after jimmy and gloria were divorced  jimmy estudio ordered him to europe to film an   important picture they told him he would have to  be gone at least six months six work filled months   up until that time jimmy and gloria had tried  to protect little jimmy from the fail force   of their split during the first days of their  separation jimmy had gone home every morning   in order to be there when his son woke up later  to accustom the two-year-old to being without his   father gloria had taken him east for a long visit  with her family but he knew that even if gloria   reminded little jimmy about his father every  day that he was in europe showed him his picture   read him his letters daddy would soon become a  meaningless word and it wasn't even likely that   gloria would be doing that she would be trying to  forget not remember she would want to build a new   life for herself not live in the ashes of an old  discarded one and this was easily understandable   gloria would remarry and her life would go on  and little jimmy would have a brand new daddy   A New Daddy it was a dismal situation but jimmy  tried to look at the bright side   the new movie would be good for his career and  europe would be a wonderful place for a honeymoon   he was engaged to evie norland then and  decided to marry her in new york before leaving   that way they could go together and he would be  able to meet her family in denmark he knew that   she was thrilled about their plans and he didn't  want to spoil her pleasure but he had to talk to   her he had to tell her what was troubling him  so deeply he had to explain about his son evie   he's going to forget me little jimmy's going to  forget me he's so young how can he remember me   if i'm gone all that time and when i come back  when i come back i'll be just some friendly   stranger who visits him once a week he'll never  really get to know me again to know his own father   he will jimmy evie said even though a child  forgets a little memory always remains it   will awaken when you return he will still be  your son she smiled at him sadly and jimmy   there is nothing you can do about it you have  to make the picture he went of course and evie   A New Life went with him when he got there he worked hard  he spent his free time with evie and her family   he became very sure of his future with her they  made plans for their return to the united states   but even in the excitement of planning a new life  he did not forget his son at toy stores in a dozen   cities he carefully chose gifts reminding himself  each time that little jimmy was growing older and   maybe lonelier month by month the toys would bring  him joy finally it was over he had been away not   for six months but for nine months when his plane  landed in new york the first thing he did was find   a telephone booth and break a 10 bill into a vast  assortment of quarters and nickels and dimes he   placed a person-to-person call to jimmy darren jr  in los angeles hello jimmy he said this is daddy   i'm in new york there was silence at the other end  jimmy he said jimmy can you hear me this is your   daddy who the little boy said daddy jimmy repeated  patiently making his voice as loud and clear as   This is Your Daddy possible this is your daddy the child's voice was  baffled now daddy daddy daddy who jimmy laughed it   was a game obviously he turned to smile at evie's  anxious face watching him through the glass door   daddy jimmy he said playing along with the game  there was a long silence then jimmy darren heard   his son's voice raised in bewilderment speaking  to his mother hey mommy little jimmy demanded   do i have another daddy in the hot cramped  phone booth jimmy darren's heart missed a beat   another daddy as clearly as if he had spoken  them aloud he heard the words from the past   how will i stand it if my son calls a mother man  daddy stop it he told himself sternly you should   have expected it you knew gloria was getting  married he leaned his head against the glass   he told himself to grow up he told himself to be  glad for his son's sake that instead of grieving   over an absent father the child had found comfort  in a new one he tried to calm himself but when he   A New One emerged from the booth he couldn't keep his voice  from trembling his hands from shaking evie evie   have i lost my son despite her warm assurances  he was to ask that question many times more   but happily when he returned to california  his reunion with little jimmy was a success   the child now mentally boasting that he did too  remember daddy jimmy but there were so many ways   in which gloria's new husband barry had replaced  him as a father there was the day the two jimmies   went walking together and little jimmy pointed  to a cross-top building and remarked that's a   church yes it is jimmy agreed then he took the  opportunity to ask the question that had been   bothering him for weeks jimmy do you ever go to  church he wasn't sure what answer he was expecting   but he couldn't help being startled when he heard  his son say no i go to temple with daddy berry   on saturdays sometimes talking it over with  evie later jimmy said it isn't that i mind   as long as he has some faith some religion i  don't mind that he's jewish instead of catholic   after all gloria is jewish and so is barry and  so it's natural it's probably better that little   jimmy is brought up in their faith but but what  darling evie prompted jimmy sighed i just wish   i'd been consulted about it that's all when  evie gave birth to christian jimmy was jubilant   and happily little jimmy's reaction to  his new half-brother didn't pose a problem   from the first time he was brought over to  see christian he was fascinated with him   before the baby could hold a toy little jimmy  had brought him a dozen of his own as soon as   the baby could sit up he spent the lighted hours  rolling balls toward him retrieving the ones   christian missed and starting all over again for  some reason he never tired of this game you see   evie told jimmy in some ways it is good that  little jimmy does not live with you he's not   jealous he doesn't feel the christian is a threat  to him that said his mind somewhat at ease about   little jimmy but what about christian christian  must never go through what little jimmy suffered   Christian he must never feel deserted jimmy felt so strongly  about this he had trouble letting the baby out   of his sight even for a few hours to go to the  studio to go for a drive even to go to the store   when christian was three months old jimmy  had to go east on a business trip even though   their friends and doctors assured them that  christian wouldn't even notice they were gone   if you were left in competent hands jimmy couldn't  do it instead he and evie bundled christian onto   a cross-country train for two days and three  nights they huddled in a compartment with him   struggling to get bottles warmed and food prepared  nervously tucking him into a berth at night   spending a three-hour stop over in a chicago  hotel room they finally arrived at their   destination exhausted but if we left him and  he didn't know me when we got back jimmy said   like little jimmy and evie understanding not  at her head then gradually jimmy began to relax   it became easier for him to accept the realities  of his very complex relationships with both his   Conclusion children both his loves one day he delightedly  discovered the little jimmy had amassed a complete   collection of his recordings and played them  at home on his junior-sized jukebox do you see   evie told him even when you're not with him he  thinks of you and hears your voice today there   are still problems for jimmy darren dallas there  always will be he will probably always feel the   bitter sweetness of joy and sorrow when he hears  little jimmy telling a total stranger that he is   so lucky to have two daddies but he no longer  feels the need to ask constantly evie have i   lost a son he knows now that human relationships  do not necessarily depend on the number of hours   spent together and he knows that he need not  struggle to hold his firstborn son because the   tie that binds them cannot be broken it adapts to  all situations changing and changeless it is love photo play magazine april 1962 you