Gutfeld: Taylor Swift makes ‘bad choices’ in women too

COMPILED YOU ALL RIGHT SO BEFORE WE GET TO SOME NEWS STORIES LET'S DO THIS. [ ♪♪♪ ] >> GREG THE LEFTOVERS... YUM. THIS IS WHERE I READ THE JOKES WE DIDN'T USE THIS WEEK AS ALWAYS IS MY FIRST TIME READING THEM IF THEY SUCK WE WILL ADDRESS JOE MOTT SHE AS A GOOSE AND SEND HIM TO SPRINGFIELD OHIO. TODAY IS FRIDAY THE 13th. TO CELEBRATE HAITIANS IN SPRINGFIELD ARE ONLY EATING BLACK CATS. DONALD TRUMP TOLD THE NEW YORK POST THAT HE'S DONE DEBATING WE ARE STILL WAITING FOR A NEW OFFER FROM HIS OPPONENT. CANCELLED DEBATE IS A TOUGH BREAK FOR NBC WHO ANNOUNCED THEIR NEWLY CHOSEN MODERATORS. MEANWHILE PUNDITS ARE CLAIMING THE VP HAD AN EASY AID NIGHT HAVING BOTH MODERATORS ON HER SIDE I HAVEN'T SEEN A 3 OWNER 1 THAT DISTURBING SINCE BESIDE THE DIXIE CHICKS WITH CORNDOGS. GIVEN BACKLASH OVER BIAS ABC DENIES GIVING QUESTIONS IN ADVANCE INSTEAD THEY JUST GAVE HER THE ANSWERS. I KNOW. WE ARE HITTING THEM ALL. OSAMA BIN LADEN'S SUPPOSE IT DEAD SON IS SAID TO BE RUNNING AL QAEDA OH, YEAH, WE'VE GOT A DEAD GUY RUNNING THE COUNTRY IN YOUR FACE AL QAEDA. SCIENTISTS MADE A PROSTHETIC AND THAT FEELS LIKE YOUR OWN IF I HAD PROSTHETIC AND WHY WOULD I WANT IT TO FEEL LIKE MY OWN. TOM CAN'T LAUGH AT THAT AS A CATHOLIC. OF VENEZUELAN GANG HAS TAKEN OVER A HOTEL IN EL PASO, THE CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST NOW HAS A LIVE COCKFIGHT. SPOT IN MIAMI DEBUTED A ROBOT MASSAGE TABLE UNFORTUNATELY IT'S IDEA OF A HAPPY ENDING IS STICKING A USB CABLE UP YOUR ASS. SIMULATES TECH CAN EAT OF A REAL HAND LIKE A FROM AN ELBOW ALSO PROGRAM TO SAY I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THIS BUT. TAYLOR SWIFT ANNOUNCED PLANS TO VOTE FOR HARRIS SHE WANTED TO SHOW SHE CAN ALSO MAKE BAD CHOICES ABOUT WOMEN. AND INDIANA FIRST RESPONDER RESCUED DOZENS OF PIGS FROM AN OVERTURNED SO MY TRAILER SAFELY RECAPTURED GIVEN MEDICAL TREATMENT BEFORE ARRIVING AT THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE. COUPLES NOW GET GENETIC TESTING BEFORE MARRIAGE IN ABU DHABI HORRIBLE NEWS FOR THOSE WITH HOT COUSINS. WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE KATHY GRIFFIN WARNED IF ELECTED TRUMP WILL PICK OFF COMEDIANS 1 BY 1 TO PROTECT HERSELF SHE PROMISES TO CONTINUE NOT BEING FUNNY. APPARENTLY MILLENNIAL WOMEN ARE THROWING THEMSELVES SUCCESS SHOWERS ARE RATHER THAN BABY ARE BRIDAL SHOWERS TO CELEBRATE ACHIEVEMENTS. MOST CELEBRATED ACHIEVEMENT? DYING ALONE. STUDY FINDS THAT WOMEN HAVE MORE MONEY TO ATTRACTIVE MEN, NO WONDER YOU'RE BROKE, BRIAN. A WOMAN WAS ARRESTED IN COLORADO AFTER TYING UP HER TENDER DATE WITH A KNIFE AND ORDERING DOORDASH AND HERE NOT SHE WAS ON A BOOK TOUR. A STUDY FOUND WOMEN PREFER 6 TO LAST OVER 35 MINUTES, IS THAT OVER A YEAR ASKS 1 MAN. ALL RIGHT TO THE NEWS SO IS THE MEDIA FACT CHECKS TRUMP REALITY FACT CHECKS THE MEDIA CASE IN .6 CHANGES FOR ILLEGAL ALIENS IN LOCKUP TRUMP BROUGHT IT UP IN TUESDAY'S DEBATE. >> WENT OUT IN MINNESOTA LETTING CRIMINALS WHO KILL PEOPLE AND BURN DOWN MINNEAPOLIS RAISING MONEY TO GET THEM OUT OF JAIL. SHE DID THANKS NOBODY WOULD EVER THINK OF AND TRANSGENDER OPERATIONS ON ILLEGAL ALIENS IN PRISON AND THE ESPECIALLY ON HARRIS' FACE AS WE SAY THAT. AS 6 CHANGES AREN'T FOR PRISONERS, THEY ARE FOR SCHOOLCHILDREN. AND THEY CAN BELIEVE IT EITHER. HERE'S THE NEW YORKER QUOTE IS LION OF HOW THE VICE PRESIDENT WANTS A NEW OPERATIONS ON ILLEGAL ALIENS IN PRISON. WHAT THE HELL WAS HE TALKING ABOUT. NOBODY KNOWS. A REALLY NEW YORKER NOBODY KNOWS IF I KNOW 1 YOU MEAN EVERYBODY WHO LIVES OUTSIDE YOUR [ Bleep ] butthole. AND THEY WEREN'T THE ONLY ONES WHO RELIED ON THEIR OWN IT A CURRENT SAYS TRUTH TRUMP MADE [ Bleep ] up claiming things didn't exist just because they didn't see it meaning we the people had to do their job for them. USERS CORRECTED THEM POINTING OUT THAT YES HARRIS DID SUPPORT TAXPAYER-FUNDED PRISONERS SEX CHANGES IN AN ACLU QUESTIONNAIRE. AT LEAST TIME CORRECTED THEIR ERROR. WELL THEY MISSED THE FACTS THIS IS A MAGAZINE THAT ADMITTED HE LET MUSK FROM A LIST OF INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE IN AI LIKE HAWAIIAN TROPIC LEAVING ME OUT OF THE HOTTEST BUNS ON THE BEACH CONTEST AND MORE DIGGING FROM OUR NATION'S FINE JOURNALIST COVERING THIS CLIP OF HER TALKING ABOUT HER TIME AS AG DEFENDING HER COURAGEOUS EFFORT ON DON'S READING A -- DETAINEES MAKING SURE THE CHANGE THE POLICIES SO EVERY TRANSGENDER INMATE IN THE PRISON SYSTEM WOULD HAVE ACCESS TO THE MEDICAL CARE THEY DESIRED AND NEEDED. SO THEY NEVER SAW THAT CLIP OR MAYBE THEY DID AND HE SAID CONCEPTS OF A PLAN. YOU GUYS WATCH THE DEBATE WE NOW TRUMP FEELS WHEN HE WAS SHOT IN THE YEAR. [ Cheering and Applause ] AND IMAGINE LISTENING TO THAT VOICE FOR 4 YEARS. ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU WANT TO KNOCK UP YOUR NANNY. I JUST PAYING FOR OTHER PEOPLE SEX CHANGES ITS ILLEGALS NOT JUST ILLEGALS IT'S INMATES IT'S ALSO DETAINED CRIMINALS. WHAT'S NEXT WE PAY FOR THE SEX CHANGES OF THEIR DOGS? I ALWAYS KNEW FIDO WAS A FIONA MUCH LIKE EVERY EVERYTHING THE DEMOCRATS STAND FOR THE MEDIA CHOOSES TO IGNORE TAKE HER GOVERNMENT'S RUNNING MATE. 5 MALE INMATES HAVE BEEN TRANSFERRED TO A MINNESOTA WOMEN'S PRISON INCLUDING 2 CONVICTED PEDOPHILES SO AS THE MEDIA PER TRAYS HIM AS A DEFENDER OF WOMEN HE IS SHIPPING MALE SEXUAL PREDATORS INTO WOMEN ONLY FACILITIES. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THESE STUNNERS HOW IF THAT'S FEMALE HE IS A WAR VETERAN WHY ISN'T THE MEDIA CALLING THIS A. THE MODERN JOURNALIST THINKS THIS IS OKAY THESE JOURNALISTS AREN'T A WOMEN'S PRISON AND THEN THE PROBLEM DOESN'T EXIST. AS IT SO SMALL TO EXCLUDE THE MANY THINGS THAT AFFECT YOU. LEAVING THEM THE ONLY CHOICE OF WAKING THAT WHIRLED UP WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT. YOU KNOW THEY WILL HATE YOU ANYWAY MIGHT AS WILL VOTE FOR THE PERSON THEY HATE MOST. TOMMY I LOVE HOW THE NEW YORKER PRIDES ITSELF ON ITS METICULOUS FACT CHECKING AND IT WAS AT THE YAHOOS ON TWITTER FACT CHECKING THEM IT HAS TO BE EMBARRASSING BUT IT'S NOT THEIR PROBLEM. >> AND THEY HAVEN'T SEEN IT WE'VE ALL SEEN IT BECAUSE WE ARE A RIGHT-WING TWITTER TRAINING THE VIDEOS I DON'T KNOW WHO HASN'T SEEN THE VIDEO OF HARASSING WHEEL OF SEX CHANGE OPERATIONS FOR PRISONERS AND TRUMP THOUGHT BECAUSE HE'S ON RIGHT-WING TWITTER WITH EVERYONE ELSE AT THE NEW YORKER ARE IN THEIR BUBBLE AND NEVER SEE THESE VIDEOS SO WHEN THEY WERE FACT CHECKING THEY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS BUT THEN HER DEFENDERS TRIED TO QUALIFY IT THEN THEY GET INTO MORE TROUBLE BECAUSE THEY SAY SHE WASN'T TALKING ABOUT PRISONERS OBVIOUSLY SHE LAUGHS EXCHANGE FOR PEOPLE SHE WILL LET THEM OUT OF PRISON FIRST AND THEN A SEX CHANGE. IT'S LIKE YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF IT I LOVE HOW THESE PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY THE SAME THING THEY SAY WHAT MAN WOULD TRANSITION JUST TO GET IN A WOMAN SPACE THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. HAVE YOU MET ANY DUDE? IMAGINE IF YOU LIVED NEXT TO A SORORITY AND SAID YOU COULD LIVE AT THE SORORITY BUT THERE'S A CATCH YOU WILL HAVE TO WEAR A DRESS A GUY WILL BE LIKE OKAY SURE ADDRESS OF RAZOR BLADES? >> ADDRESS A BARBED WIRE LIKE WHAT'S THE CATCH? >> HASN'T EVERYBODY'S SEEING BOSOM BUDDIES AT THIS POINT I WANTED TO BE THAT OTHER GUY NOT TOM HANKS BUT THE OTHER GUY AND HE GOT TOM HANKS LEFTOVERS SO IT'S INTERESTING IS ABOUT THE BUBBLE THING THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT OUR SIDE BUT BECAUSE WE ARE ALWAYS ON THE DEFENSIVE AND THE MEDIA WE KNOW OUR SIDE AND THEIR SIDE. WE SEE THE RIGHT-WING STUFF BUT WE ALSO SING THE LET -- SEE THE LEFT-WING STUFF WE DO THE DILIGENCE. >> WE MAKE AN EFFORT TO UNDERSTAND BOTH SIDES AND WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY IF THERE IS ANY HONESTY IN POLITICS AND IN HARRIS HER SPEECHES WOULD GO LIKE THIS. I'M A CHAMPION OF WOMEN WILL. CONVICTED PEDERASTS WHO SAY THEY WOMEN I BELIEVE IN COURSE RATED PATIOS AND RAPISTS OF EVERY RIGHT TO THE BEST HORMONE TREATMENTS AVAILABLE AND THE TIPPY TOP IN BREAST, CHEST IMPLANTS OUT THERE AND WHATEVER SURGERIES THERE IMAGINARY UTERI DESIRE THAT IS THEIR RIGHT AND DUTY AS AMERICA TO PROVIDE THAT AND PAY FOR THAT AND IF SHE EVER HAD THE STONES TO SAY THAT SHE WOULD FACE PLANT LIKE DUKAKIS THAT'S WHAT THEY BELIEVE IN GO AHEAD. >> Greg: HOW IRONIC IS IT THE INMATE SAYING DUKAKIS. [ Cheering and Applause ] >> I WORRY SOMETIMES ABOUT MYSELF RIGHT TOM WHY DID I THINK OF THAT. >> OWES CAN ASSUME IMPRESSED WITH THE ENTIRE SPEECH THERE BUT MOST IMPRESSED BY HER CORRECT LATIN PLURAL OF THE UTERUS. >> IT'S BECAUSE I HAVE 1. >> ANDREW SO IT IS AMAZING THAT WE'VE COME THIS FAR WE ARE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS AND IT WAS INTERESTING THE DEFENSIVENESS OF LIBERALS ON TWITTER DIDN'T BELIEVE THE STORY WAS REAL. >> WHAT THEY DID WAS GO FOR HIS DEBATE PERFORMANCE AND PICKED THE CRAZIEST THINGS THAT NO WAY THIS IS OUT THERE SO THEY AUTOMATICALLY WENT TO THIS STORY SAYING HOW NUTS THIS IS UNDER TURNS OUT IT WAS TRUE BUT THIS IS PERSONAL TO ME NOT ON THAT LEVEL. I GET MY NEWS FROM FOOD WEBSITES BECAUSE EVERYTHING COMES BACK TO FOOD WHEN DAMN SCROLLING AND CBOT UNITE I LOVE THIS WHO DOESN'T WANT A BLT AND THIS STORY COMES UP IN CELEBRATION THIS WAS A LONG STORY TIME AGO. BLT UNITE IS ACTUALLY BISEXUAL TRANS LESBIANS WHO ARE MARRIED IT'S CALLED A BLT I DON'T KNOW WHETHER I JUST RUINED THE SANDWICH OR MADE A BETTER. >> Greg: I'M GOING TO LOOK AT MAYONNAISE A LOT DIFFERENTLY NOW. SO ACTUALLY CAME ACROSS THIS STORY AND KNEW ABOUT IT SO I KNEW OFF THE BAT THAT THIS WAS TRUE BUT THIS IS THE GRASS IS BLUE TYPE OF SITUATION WHAT THEY DO IS 1 PERSON SAYS THE GRASS IS BLUE THAN ITS GRAIN AND THEN THEY SAY MEDIA SAID IT'S BLUE IT'S BLOOM WITHIN 2 WEEKS YOU START SAYING GRASS IS GREEN YOU ARE A RACIST FASCIST EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE BOOK. >> Greg: WHAT DO YOU SAY. EMILY SEEMS IT'S LEFT TO REGULAR PEOPLE TO DO THE WORK OF JOURNALISTS AT THIS POINT. THIS STORY NEVER THEY WOULD'VE JUST BEEN HAPPY TO CALL TRUMP A LIAR ON THIS. >> YES, AND THIS WHOLE TIME IT'S BEEN UP TO EVERY DAY EVERY AMERICAN TO SCREAM REALITY BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN GAS LIT BY THE ADMINISTRATION THIS WHOLE TIME AND BY EVERYONE WE'VE BEEN TOLD WHAT WE FEEL IS NOT ACCURATE. WHEN DON LEMON INTERVIEWED PEOPLE IN JERSEY AND CLEVELAND AND THEY SAID THAT'S HOW I FEEL THAT'S WHAT KNOW WHAT THE STATISTICS GO I DON'T CARE WHAT THE NUMBERS SHOW I CARE ABOUT MY FAMILY AND MY BANK ACCOUNT AND EXPERIENCES AND THIS IS AN EXAMPLE WHERE WE CONTINUE TO DO THE WORK OF JOURNALISTS AND LIVE THE EXPERIENCE THE ADMINISTRATION SAYS WE DON'T HAVE AND DENIES. WHAT PARTICULARLY KILLS ME AS A FORMER CRIMINAL LAW ATTORNEY WHEN SHE TALKS ABOUT AS A PROSECUTOR WHEN SHE PATS HERSELF ON THE BACK FOR AFTER FAILING THE BAR THE FIRST AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE IN HER EXPERIENCE SHE TALKS WITH THE TRANSGENDER PRISONER EXPERIENCE I CARE THE BIOLOGICAL WOMEN'S EXPERIENCE IN PRISON THE 25,000 REPORTS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT SOME PRISON OF BIOLOGICAL WOMEN. DO YOU KNOW YOUR TAXPAYER DOLLARS PAYS FOR CONTRACEPTION AND ALL WOMEN'S PRISONS WHY IS THAT. WHY DO WE NEED CONTRACEPTION TO BE HANDED OUT AT ALL FEMALE PRISONS. YOU DO THE MAST THE FACT THAT SHE IS PRIORITIZING THE 1.2 PEOPLE WHO WANT OUR TALK -- TAX DOLLARS TO PAY FOR A 6 OPERATION AND WON'T TAKE KNOWLEDGE THE THOUSANDS OF WOMEN AND SINGLE MOTHERS IN PRISON SUFFERING MEET NOT FIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION AND SHE THINKS WERE SUPPOSED TO GO DOWN A PATH THAT SHE IS A CHAMPION FOR WOMEN THAT'S ANYTHING BUT AND THAT IS THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG THE DUKAKIS TIP OF THE ICEBERG