Best Of Office Hours Vol. 3 feat. Kyle Mooney, Zach Galifianakis, Maria Bamford & MORE!

Tribute to Henry Kissinger [Music] [Music] hi everybody we're starting the show on a somber note today because the late because late last night we learned the tragic news that Henry Kissinger passed away this obviously came as a tremendous shock to us all and I just want to say that today we are going to remember this great Patriot as an exemplary hero in American history we send all our love and prayers to Henry's family and can rest easy knowing that the great Dr kiss is sitting comfortably at the hand of God as you know Henry loved animals more than he loved human beings so we're asking if you're able to please consider donating a horse or any large farm animal to the Henry a Kissinger Foundation at 387 5th Avenue PMB 7 New York New York 100019 we love you Henry tough day tough day we're going to get back we're going to just try to have a fun show today and we'll be back in a minute tough sorry see you soon in honor of Dr Henry Kissinger we've prepared a little routine okay this is a little routine and Vic can we have a little music did you hear about Henry kissing her who kissing her kissing who kissing her who's her I'm talking about the former Secretary of State meline Albright well I'm sure she must have had some dark days but that's beside the point I'm talking about Henry Kissinger wait who secretary of state was he Nick's son Nick who who's Nick you tell me now listen close before I whack you Henry Kissinger was the secret AR of State for Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford naturally he left office when The Country voted Carter Carter where are we talking about the same lady Henry was kissing I'm talking about Henry Kissinger oh the war criminal what happened to him he died oh good thank you [Music] Intro I like having fun I like to laugh I like to meet people who can make me laugh I like having fun yes I like to laugh I [Music] like Hello who's this from 213 what's Bill Maher (aka Kyle Dunnigan) Calls the Hotline 23 I sorry I think it's your area your area code that's how we is this California or do you live is this what's your name uh my name is Bill Maher is my name whoa Bill oh [ __ ] hey Bill is this the is this really is this really Bill Mah this is Bill Mah yes this is Bill Mah I'm going on different shows to let everyone know that no one can do an impression of me okay a lot of people have tried and failed because I have such a unique way of talking it's impossible to do an impression of me okay well I don't know I thought I was watching a clip of you with Matt friend and uh I thought it was you were pretty uh bitter about his impression from my perspective I was do you have the CL are you gonna play the clip well we had the clip played earlier I wasn't bitter at all I'm not a bitter person okay so that sounds like a lie it's not a lie Bill I'm I'm I'm giving you my I them play the clip do you have the clip what kind of show is this you don't have a clip no I have we have the clip Matt do you want to just play random yes we oh you already showed it oh I'm sorry I don't watch your whole show okay I'm not a huge fan to be honest well yeah I just want to I just want to say no one can do an impression of me and I'm coming on here to let everyone know that my voice is way too manly everything I say is condescending then I pause I push my potato face towards camera I suck in and then I say something even more condescending about God or fat people I end my show I go home I get a black hooker I talk down to her about this horrible generation of kids then I tell her to clean up and leave next I scour the internet for people trying to do an impression of me and no one can okay now I'm leaving Tim H or whatever your name is you've insulted me I'm leaving wait wait wait wait wait Bill Bill wait wait nothing I saw your little skit bit I saw your skit bit about Club random and it was horrible it was terrible you made it look like I interrupt people which is so not true well can I can I talk to you for a sec can I I never interrupt my guests okay um well since we have you Bill can we just I always let them talk I know you do Bill I know you seem angry and I apologize and I wait until they're finished well you're not doing that right now even when I have something smarter than just say then they do which is all the time well can I just ask you a couple of you think my ego is so big I won't let other people talk you're wrong okay now goodbye I'm leaving wa and by the way and by the way just because someone has tiny hands doesn't mean they have a tiny penis okay all right I didn't say that could do you want to talk cuz I saw you in the news you you said something about that you believe that you don't believe the Woody Allen thing that you think Woody Allen was innocent of of all this uh sexual abuse bill I think he actually left bill that's too bad all right I want to invite you I know uh invite you over to my place Christmas Christmas morning with Kyle Mooney morning we're just gonna I you know we're just going to have uh it's me my mom and my kids my wife of course if yeah we're entertaining my we're not far from here you're not far from me so pop in if I we would definitely stop by yeah yeah doing M at like 6 and then I want you to be there when they open the presents you know that's really cool I think I I just are you doing a bit or what's going on yeah I'm doing a bit okay some people do like a later in the day Christmas drop by like could be could be something but it would just be you not the whole clan I don't know that I could talk them into that oh that's what mean like it would just be you popping out just stepping out and coming by and saying hi to the family I know to your family yeah I'm saying I don't know that I could talk my family into that I feel it's a big deal just say you're going to 7-Eleven you want me to lie to on Christmas just be like hey I'm gonna step out if it's important to you I'll do it it's not a big deal it's just an offer just offer I'm down I don't I I just want you to be genu I want the real Christmas invite all I'm saying is the invitees out there but whether you come or not it's it's it's up to you well yeah I like this but I want I want to know what Kyle would say that he's got to get at 7-Eleven on Christmas day oh yeah cigarettes well I don't smoke cigarettes so I feel like that would well you say you're going to get cigarettes in case somebody drops by that wants to smoke okay yeah I guess I've got it yeah hey hun just GNA pop up pop to 7-Eleven pick up some smokes why in case anyone comes by and wants to smoke okay just uh yeah let's run it let's run it let's run it practice okay I'm your wife do you want to play 2K I'm playing your wife okay wpp I'm finishing wrapping oh no I'm trying on my robe that you got me for Christmas I I like it I actually like it hey hun I'm going to head out to 7-Eleven why I think we have everything we need I just GNA get some smokes smokes you don't smoke no I don't but yeah you never know it's Christmas somebody might stop by I want some a cigarette or something what what are you talking about just in case anyone comes over it's Christmas if somebody comes over that smokes they'll probably have smokes sit down okay hun all right so that's not going to work okay let's try again maybe I need to be a little more okay forceful you want try one more time yeah just you're the man of the house come on yeah yeah put on a pair of pants Al gotta go ENT got act like yeah exactly okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay I actually like this Rob okay okay not bad hun hey babe I'm I'm hitting up 7-Eleven I got to go why I got to get smokes okay quit quit asking me questions smokes you don't smoke it doesn't matter they're for people bye who what who huh I don't know I just watched that moment where Ringo's like the courage it took him to find plink out Octopus's Garden in a raw Marc Maron “The Beatles on Meth” form and just sort of like everyone's sort of like oh God [ __ ] George just got up saves it yeah yeah and just sort of took care of them it was kind of I heard this thing about the Beatles that like I don't know if it's true I was talking I'll drop some names I'll tell you if it's true uh James Gray and I are kind of friends I I never know like I have guests on the show and then we're friends for a few weeks and it kind of James he's a director he did Armageddon time he did he yeah he's great he's great great guy but he said there's a book and I got to read it that the Beatles when they were in Hamburg the guy who owned the club in Hamburg had somehow acquired a lot of leftover Nazi amphetamines and oh [ __ ] and uh you know that Surplus War Surplus cuz they used to feed them all right and that's what he was feeding the Beatles to play all night I do know that's why the Beatles are good NA fetamines yes that well that exactly because that's how like they were just added all night like and if you listen to those early Beatle songs like little fast yeah yeah and so that was the genius they were on they were called prelly I think yeah but I didn't know they were from the Nazis but that's I I got to thank the Nazis for something that's right you weren't all bad uh office hours correspond with a special Eric's Ice Cream Report report we have him here Eric warheim with his ice cream report I wanted this segment to be positive and just be like I want to bring some joy to to your your fans and talk about my favorite ice creams I came home from a trip went to floster freeze and I got my classic which is a vanilla cone with rainbow sprinkles easy it was an emotional time you know when you get home from a tour you're exhausted you just want that comfort of a cone it's a classic con doesn't it's and I got my rainbow sprinkles it was beautiful I took a picture of it and then I go to give it a lick to give it a lick and I almost passed out it instead of the beautiful rainbow sprinkles which is the little perfect little rectangles they were some kind of mini Dipping Dots what that yeah it was unbelievable no one said that you know no one said excuse me sir we don't have rainbow sprinkles you're going to get some Dipping Dots Dipping Dots are dessert cous I went home I called Foster Freeze Head Quarters and I said it's Eric we hammer and I am I need to perform a citizen's arrest right now [ __ ] off cut to yesterday morning I had to go to the dentist and they looked in my mouth and they were so upset that I didn't clean properly before my surgery and I said I didn't order the Dipping Dots I ordered rainbow sprinkles which easily would get removed with a little water dip still in your teeth the diping dots were deep in the gums I don't want to get detail but it was a very big surgery and I had to get the needle and she's like you didn't brush your teeth and I said yeah I got dip and dots everywhere could you please brush my teeth like a child so I could get and then not all night I've been dealing with my lawyer like he's like you really can't do a citizen's arrest it's not that big of a deal and I think just would be a complaint yeah Duncan diapers are you Dunkin Diapers City of the Day sponsor excited to are you excited to see a new film but don't want to take a bathroom break and miss any of it well now you can experience the whole film uninterrupted with Dunkin diapers uncompromising film outour Martin scui teamed up with AMC Theaters and Dunkin Donuts to create the ultimate copile bathroom solution these diapers are made out of soft absorbent Dunkin dough there nothing about absorbit about dough and can handle up to three loads and 20 o of liquid and they're tasty these nappies are dusted with powdered sugar so you can grab an extra pair to eat if you like plus every plus every pair plus every pair of diapers comes with a free 20 oz cup of Duncan coffee to help you stay awake through this through the unbelievably lengthy runtime of today's films so don't miss a frame with Duncan diapers available at the concession stand at all partcipating ticipating at all participating AMC Theaters I shall listen to the Dunkin diapers jingle now dark diapers diapers diapers diapers my M man might made a real long movie but what do I do when I got to go poopy no noer that's why I wear dun diaper [Music] diap I hate the word I hate poopy all right hold on I'm GNA put some corn in my mouth all right so what do we want to John C. Reilly Song Debut know we we have the we have the track we have the video you also made the video yeah so I just kept you know well I've been working on the musically on the song since June mid June okay and um the for the video I was like why don't I just release a video at the same time and I keep getting these uh comments online from people like the most underrated actor John C Riley I love that guy why doesn't anyone real like give this guy an Oscar so I was like you know what if I got it I'm gonna flaun it let's just you know let's do a tribute to myself if no one else is going to do it I will do a tribute to myself and what what's the name of the song it's called joh Riley I love it all right well I mean let's let's uh without further Ado I hope you're not going to just goof on it by the way because I worked very hard on this no I'm not here to goof on it you're friend sarcastic and everything but um we have the track and the video here why don't we do this let's play it this is a world premiere and up on YouTube by the way yeah okay well we're going to play it and then we can talk about it a little bit after we play here it is ladies and gentlemen from John C Riley the song and video John C Riley let's take it away all right there we go that's it how did you like it yes I got a couple questions yeah well hold on let me just okay everybody's curious I thought it was a very nice song very rhythmic and love seeing pictures of you there um I was like know Will's got the cowbell thing but why can't you know yeah was that was that was that what that was a cowbell or is that a different kind of yeah okay it's nice to see you again so it's it's we're a little early with you what we're a Our old pal Maya zooms in little early with you because you would be calling uh in the beginning of February correct yeah yes how's everything going it's been about a year since we've spoken it's it's going pretty good looks like you got a lot of musical equipment is this something you're pursuing at the moment uh I don't know when was the last time you've been excited about something I don't know what' you get for Christmas what what'd you get for Christmas um clothes what' you do for New Year's I spent the night at my friend's house heyo what else is going on uh what are you g to do for are you thinking of something to uh call in about for Tim's birthday you sing sing a song what are you doing for Groundhogs Day that's coming up I don't know are you working these days or in school or excuse me let me handle this okay I got this get the questions I have questions now I know I go to school right no this a Higher Learning or what what grade are you in what I'm in ninth grade ninth grade okay okay so why aren't you at school right now because I don't have school on Fridays wow was a four day week no it's a three-day week what school is this what I want to go are you home this a public school are you in school now it's a home school oh that's not real school I have to tell you I had to break the news to you that's not real school that's pretend mark would you be on the the Trump jury would you be able to make the case that you belong on Tim & Larry Charles bully Mark Proksch there I wouldn't be able to make a case well I they wouldn't choose me cuz you have opinions about him uh you voted for him well I vote yeah I voted for him every time I voted him in off years even I went down to the May candidates yeah uh you we did vote for him in 2016 and but I wasn't sure if you voted for him in 2020 were you happy with the job I I was happy with the job he did there's a lot of naysayers out there uh a lot of hey look look at where we well let me I mean I'll ask this to everybody look at where we were as a country during his administration to where we are now yes and look at the world I'm looking and I mean it's it's getting bad it's getting it's getting worse it doesn't really matter who in charge anymore I'll do the interview right now can we get the interview over with right now Mark are you okay you need anything I just I you know I there's going to be one or two people out there that think I voted for Trump and that's it's it's not cool with you it's uh I believed it no no I don't want people thinking that okay let's clarify Mark wrote in John Kasich oh wow no I'm not I'm you know I'm I'm a Democrat no you know what it's not your business who Mark voted for and you want to keep that well you put it out there that so now it seems like it's my business to correct you know I don't want an article here oh you think people are writing articles about you TR Trump supporting comic trying to make it in Liberal business yeah in Liberal Hollywood phony liberal comes out of the closet As Trump supporter on Tim heer's podcast revealed exposed I don't know's any shame in who you voted for Mark listen I just don't want the 27 people listening to easy with you let the bullying begin right now about on in the lips uh now okay can I proceive my interview with Larry Charles Jesus Mark sorry sorry about that and maybe you have some questions I have plenty of questions what they put two random books in front of you by the way and I don't know why I feel like I'm at an autograph show or something true I have my my pillow here MyPillow EXPOSED for Lumpiness okay now what is my pillow uh my pillow is a brand of pillow invented by Mike Lindell he's all over the news and uh he I think he was doing a deposition recently and somebody was saying something about his pillows being lumpy okay and I'm not asking about the lumpy pillow calls no they're not lumpy pillows that's not what they call on okay when you say lumpy pillows now you're an [ __ ] you got that you're an [ __ ] is what you are no he's an [ __ ] he's an ambulance chasing [ __ ] that's what you are the lumpy pillows kiss my out put that in your book he was very triggered by the lumpy pillow thing and you know it is a little bit lumpy I so I I am curious what is inside here all right so I have uh I was just going to cut I was going to sacrifice my my pillow to see what we got inside down on it it's too late any guesses any guesses before we discover what think we be foam obviously got some foam just chunks of uh maybe recycled foam or something I wouldn't think there'd be anything else Chinese newspapers look at this it's an old glove my God Super Bowl tickets look at this an old an Old Rag well that wouldn't be lumpy though these are these are pretty soft items what's it's a diaper I'm it's a clean diaper so and it's pretty soft yeah it's a wig at least it's a clean diaper we got a um got a beer koozie sounds like stuff you find at Scott's store you have some this is like Plumbing insulation okay there another diaper another diaper oh here's like one of these hair scrunches oh yeah [Music] prid mes DVD God how do you like that there's no nod just the case by the way Tim's in this movie very funny I mean there's more insulation uh another diaper diapers diapers are expensive by the way it's not the most cost effective sock I mean anything else I mean that's pretty much it just more diapers wow there a plastic bag well it looks like I think did you bring a vacuum cleaner too by the way it seems like he's recycling stuff that maybe was going to be thrown out you I've been sleeping soundly on this for years I saw this show on office hours no this guy saying that there's this and that in my pillows well guess what that's fullish crap I don't think there's any of that in there they're just doing some kind of comedy routine and it and that [ __ ] DG can kiss my ass I Steph Tolev Calls Out Creepy Fans have my riter now that single men aren't allowed to sit in the front row at my shows cuz I had one show in san friend and discrimin discrimination against my people exactly shut the [ __ ] up eight single men in the I guess I should be in the back of the bus now too get to the back of the bus where I can't see you jerking off and putting your finger in your ass this is for real I yes I have I have a lot of strange men one guy hid outside the uh in San Francisco for me I didn't do a mean Greek CU I got so freaked out by him the Late Show he was hiding behind a bush and he was just like I drove 3 hours because I talk so openly about sex and stuff they think that it's their turn next you [ __ ] that guy in your story now it's my turn and it's like psychotic yeah oh my God I'll get my Progressive women to come out to your show well here's the thing sometimes women are even weirder I had a woman come in the bathroom she was like I heard you poo and I was like what she's like I looked under the stall and I saw your boots and I knew it was you and I listened and I was like excuse me oh my god listen to my full [ __ ] and she's like I I listen to the whole thing this is just you two in the bathroom cuz it was you know sometimes the green rooms don't have a [ __ ] bathroom so I take my big fat pre show [ __ ] right always fat it's always fat never big log should be happy it's not diarrhea no no no it's diarrhea but it's also God God Jesus Christ was under the impression that women don't you go number two no I was with the microphone that was actually you that was she in the sound she sent the sound for you guys well that's horrible no it's weird so how you end that conversation I said can you please leave the meet and greet line no it was really it was I was really uncomfortable yikes um last night a guy dm' me I'll read it this is the kind of [ __ ] DMs I get yeah this is the stuff we want show yeah this one's good um please marry me I will eat your ass every night for the rest of your life all talking about us having a gross ass too I'm not saying that I'm talking about [ __ ] it's like what's wrong what does that look like 14 years into the relationship by the way every night Tuesday night we just had uh we just had Sloppy Joe's for dinner last minute to he's like why did I promise this in [ __ ] night every [ __ ] night all right we're good should play our um Zach trivia Zach Galifianakis Movie Trivia Game game here we go are you ready round one what is Zach's character's name in visioners Ethan incorrect going to Zach Stephanie I don't know what it was am I supposed to know that that was a great movie I remember it thank you George Washington Winston that's right yeah okay uh who are the three credited writers on the movie Heartbreakers I know one of them who David Merin um no well to be a mer now we're looking for Robert Dunn does that name ring a bell Paul gu and Steve Mouser oh okay all right this should be an easy one what your character's name in Cory Romano uh Rudy I think that's it incorrect oh what is it you don't remember playing Dexter uh-uh well is it humiliating to me because nobody knows it right I think it's humiliating that I'm putting you in this position I'm what I was thinking right yes I know you don't care but uh I might this the drive home might be a little tough starting this is this is starting to singe a little bit yeah it's starting to look back on my career and hm well these are all pre I mean these are all like you know preh hangover movies I've been in other movies your career changed after that and you started doing more you you you were more picky and choosy and did right more Ivory Merchant right the campaign more highbrow yeah stuff like due date yeah while sir while C while Sir Lionel Frost is searching in his drawers for the casting of the Sasquatch footprint in Missing Link what Easter egg can be seen briefly good read good read I'm a regular Chris Hardwick up here Johnny Mountain a cover a DVD cover of the live at the Purple Onion that second reference to that Landmark standup special no kubo's monkey figurine from Kubo and the two [Applause] strings did you write that well anyway how you going to spend the rest of your day in Chattanooga Vic has got some footage of Michael Douglas Eats a Big Oyster one of the great actors I think of the 20th century uh Mr Michael Douglas um enjoying some seafood so let's take a look at Michael Douglas enjoying some seafood oh my God okay the biggest oyster I have ever seen please no congratulations all right there it is the News That's break breaking worldwide I got Will Will Sasso & Chad Kultgen “Alex Jones vs. Alex Jones” Sasso here who just came from meeting with Roger Stone and this is part of the part of the deep state plan this is a false flag that Victoria actually doesn't exist and a lot look look look when you look up when you look up there you can see that they have these spy satellites that are looking over all the all and and and NASA consumes most of the helium that's produced in the world I looked at I looked at all this and I showed it to you I I can I got I got evidence I can show you right now people look up at the stars and they think that must be infinite well it's not no no no no that's what I just found out because when you look at what was the impression that we left on Mars now we're going to Mars uh that's where that's where they set things up that that and most of the geography for Mars has been duplicated on some of our that's why Antarctica is a place you can't even get to with a boat they'll turn you around because there's Lush jungles there now look I I I I said up a website and you can look at it right now because I've got to liquidate and I've got a lot of DVDs and these are uh these are items that I've had for 20 years these are great DVDs I got I got mad about you DVD set uh I got the entire Mony Python Flying Circus okay now that's seven DVDs and you can get that for $99 right now and that's going to help pay for our legal bills we're going to be able to keep the doors over here and they're never going to take it off because it's not streaming it's Hardware yeah you can't find it you can't find it on Netflix all these George Soros run companies you can't find them up there so you can get these DVDs right from me yeah you got the three stous DVD directed by The Fairly Brothers with Will Sasso playing Curley it's a great movie yep we got uh Bohemian Grove uh we got uh my all my behind the scenes footage of Bohemian Grove that burned on the DVD I got the player I got the Robert alman's the player and Nashville the two DVDs and they got a shot at the beginning of the player it this it just goes it just goes and goes that's what they call a one that's a one shot you see that in Jaws you see that in a lot of movies lot of Stanley kubri movies well and Stanley kubri is who they brought in to uh basically advise govern and black rock and Consortium such as this and and the black black the black royalty which 600 years ago was mostly Italians who moved to uh you know England the UK and they don't even have names those people don't have they don't have names so that you can't even find them and that's why St Stan Stanley CL kuck when he messes up kurick I got got the movie what's her name the Hanoi Jane Fonda Clute I've got that on DVD that's a good one Barbarella all right just ass like corn on the cob we're sort of like Loi by definition I think you know we aspired to be you TMBG Talk Steely Dan & Their Own Demise know Steely Dan or something you know like we want we were careful about it like we wanted to sound as good as good did you hear the new Steely Dan song that came out um Roger Nichols their producer uh had the had a recording of a song that they over or overwrote in the AR second Arrangement yeah just for the sake of historic gossip for the Steely Dan fans out there we worked at River Sound which was um dong Fagan's personal Studio his private studio uh in East Harlem the house engineer worked with Donald Fagan and you know so I just sort of you know I couldn't help myself but just to quiz him about that stuff and um he was he was in the room when the thing got erased oh man um and uh he blame he said he said that um multiple people were in the room were crying oh no W oh my God because and and and I don't know now this seems like it couldn't possibly be true but they were they're saying it was going to be like the lead track on the is it GAO goo goo G goo yeah but I mean that was the album that it got ered from okay now speaking of Ste D they're on tour right well he's on tour right now as Steely Dan now let's say one of you pass oh yeah do we get They Might Be Giants we' had this discussion we we actually in fact we talked to a lawyer long ago about this um and and I mean I think Donald Fagan's day might be giant yeah that's right yeah so basically we hammered out this thing uh probably in the 90s uh with our agreement which was we can't no there no they might be both of it has to be both of us yeah so that was the that was the initial plan and we we kind of had to fight with the lawyer because she was like you know are you sure yeah they leaving a lot of money on the table people don't care but the one thing that was weird is when we sort of re-examined it and cracked it open like three years ago uh it was also like it sort of basically stopped all business under the name they might be including like making any kind of like second you know like a compilation album or or there has to be a way for for the B The Entity to continue toate like yeah the way it was like you know set up we couldn't have like a new t-shirt design we couldn't have the in memorium right yes t-shirt design you get into like a fundraising for the funeral expenses oh yeah so this pdb show that I'm obsessed “The AWFUL World of PBD” with Rory Scovel with it's another one of these lunatic right-wing podcast by the way by the way so the thing I love about I love so many things but these guys say by the way at at the beginning of every sentence by the way by the way by the way like Jimmy Kimmel this guy he's a liberal and he Blah Blah by the way the highest point of Robert Downey Jr's long and illustrious career well one of the highest points um but scumbag maybe it's funny I don't find it funny at all he's a hack leftist propagandist that just by the way and remember the left is a professional eth this they could be racist they could they could fat chain people you see the video Rob I just sent you of by the way this is that from his his by the way these people that by the way didn't Robert Downey Jr do blackace in that movie he did in traic Thunder look look look at how how was this not cancelable canable black how is this not cancelable you know there are people on the left that are also sitting here going yeah I think Jimmy went too far with it like they're also being critical they're not immediately defensive because they know that he more than likely votes the way they do way by the way he right away the person they have this like a what do you call it like a side Chanel pyramid scheme going for real or for life insurance that's what this whole thing is that's how we got started but this guy's literally a failed comedian and actor who's just like their uh hotthead on the show it is I always get fired up and and and kind of it makes me laugh when people are like this guy is not a comedian and it's like do you understand subjectivity yeah the other thing in the Oscars that Jimmy Kimmel did was he read oh Trump the Trump thing which I thought was pretty funny and it felt like oh this is cool is live get rid of Kimmel and perhaps replace him with another washed up but cheap ABC Talent George soplos he would make everybody on stage look bigger stronger and more glamorous blah blah blah make America great again wow by the way how funny slopis slopis so he gets it wrong he didn't even get the core of the joke which is just the word slop from New York it's Joe Pera CANCELLED Joe perah I guess um uh I'm uh Tim Vic ad it's really nice to see you guys and I appreciate it and I'm sorry to do this but something came up you think we could reschedule uh absolutely yeah sure I'm sorry do you have to leave right now or can here I would have emailed but like about 10 minutes ago old friend came into town and he surprised me he's a he's a old friend and a good guy I told him that when he makes it to New York we go for hamburger and uh I'm sorry I wanted to tell you about my standup special and ask you about your tour but he's he's one of the best guys I know so oh I don't need much time from me I got I mean can you can you hang for just a few minutes and then then hit the road or he's been on the train for a long time and I want to uh keep to my word take him out for hamburgers so uh I don't know is there like any other Thursday possibly do this yeah we definitely but I just uh we are we are a little booked up for the rest of the year um tell you what um where is your your pal now he's up he's outside he's weighing um um and uh yeah I I told him i' apologize I didn't have time to send an email but after uh yeah I just yeah maybe we could just figure out a time and I can um you know get get them some lunch yeah um stand by Joe real quick just let let us figure it out I want to know he he's not keeping his word he wants to keep his word to the hamburger friend yeah this but that trumps his word to you to be on the podcast yeah Joe it looks like this is kind of on you to figure out because you did make a commitment to come on the show and I'll tell you frankly a lot of people are very excited to have you on the show and I don't think it's it reflects that well on you if you uh can't keep your commitments here I I can't imag organiz if you look at his office yeah I can't imagine that PE that your I I would assume I could only assume that your pal would understand just F five extra minutes honestly you got to take my word for it he's like one of the best guys I know and one of the oldest guys I know and I got it one of the oldest guys you know yes and if I don't get him the hamburger I'll feel really rotten no I think you get him the hamburger I'm just saying CU we wanted to talk about your special a little bit and get to know you a little bit and I'm sure the audience has questions for you would you would you just maybe why don't you why don't you take a second and uh think outside the bun you know yeah or or just like why don't you buzz your buddy in let wait in the foyer or the downstairs get him a you got anything in the fridge you could satiate him with he said he could have hold out long enough to figure out a different date for me to do the the show and then he might have to leave town again okay I'm Sor I could hardly sleep I was so excited about doing the show today but like I'm telling you he's the best and very old I hear you he seems very old clearly you're second best he seems very old there's no question about that yeah based based on your description well why don't we do this why don't we why don't we um be true to your word okay and uh and continue to figure out when we could get back get you back on the show in the meantime as Matt's working on that I'm gonna have Matt work on that uh because he's got to look at the schedule and everything so while we're working on that let me ask you a couple question questions just about the special um Matt is that does that work for you yeah I'm I'm looking through the calendar so Matt will as soon as Matt gets a good date in front of him and that could take a few minutes do you want appreciate it why don't you do this Joe why don't you check in with your pal and just say we're working on it and we'll be down soon I don't want this guy feeling like you you forgot about him okay just a sec okay that's a good time one more minut all right I mean there's definitely somebody there you can hang tight for just a a minute or two all right if I could make Spongebob meets Bobcat one request is to have SpongeBob versus Bobcat's Voice have a little riff with us I freak that's I don't think that's ever happened wow I know that probably violates all kinds of ndas and and IP copyright laws but uh but no the SpongeBob SquarePants here with my best friend Bobcat goldway I call him bob cat fish gold wake got to keep it under sea hello SpongeBob it's really nice to meet you nice to be here Bob thank you very much I I I I wonder um how do you breathe how do I breathe well like this you should try it sometime I do that a lot but often people think I'm having a seizure we'll be back with more hyperventilation with SpongeBob SquarePants and Bobcat gold after these messages a part of this good breakfast I think I think I actually think I do an impression of my voice I don't think I do me anymore you two have collaborated Maria Bamford Found Love on OkCupid on some graphic novel yes yes it's uh it's called hog book and laser eyes which uh that is coming out on Fanta Graphics in April okay uh is based on our internet names my Okay Cupid title was hog book you were on these you were on these of course of course my God how else he supposed to meet people and and get a clear picture of what they want okay uh you know oh I am a you know single person looking for a poly quad I searched within five miles of my house and then I put my my title as hog book because I thought those words are funny together only one person uh responded to that ad and that person is sitting right here with us today what a creep have you determined that he's a full creep you're like you're like I'm actually searching for creep now are you you let me ask you this are were you uh a fan of Miss Bamford my friend Drew Elliot I drew Elliot All right so your friend Drew Elliott what and what did he use a uh he had sent me a clip of her with the Steve Bru from your show get out yeah have a look Denny am I handsome now uh on a scale of 1 to 10 okay uh uh but a a three from a one if three is the vast and the delightful thing about Scott wasn't worried about some people get weird about show business they go oh what are you I've seen some of your are you going to be talking about yourself all the time yes I'm curious because you you guys collaborated with the graphic novel how do you navigate like collaborating artistically while also being in a relationship I think that's something where it's like you got to go 100% 100% like be like I'm all in on your vision you're all in on my vision also we didn't meet till we were later in life so uh you both are in your 70s right we're in our 70s and we met at 65 and I said I am a bag of bones and a hank of hair uh do you want to carry this over the finish line and I need somebody to arrange for the uh funeral uh that's really what this is about test what band do what band uh out there do King Gizzard “Jam Band Beefs” you have beef with you got any beef with the what about Goose meet Goose behind a in a dark alley and [ __ ] them up should we Goose goose uh requested a green room at our Red Rock Show [ __ ] that what do you mean they requested a green like for them to congregate yeah he mother didn't even ask for one yeah yeah actually no [ __ ] try Anastasia if you go up to the guys in Goose and go you know Tim and a they go huh huh yeah what what's that I don't know are they from the where are they from I I don't know I'm not deep on the jam I'm not so somebody was saying you guys love uh fish no I mean like like honestly like hats off to the fish the fish boys Matt where did this come from Bad Intel no no I mean it's just the the vent diagram of the king gizard and [ __ ] fish fan base it's a it's it's a heavy overlap but like honestly like we I like haven't really yeah haven't really we we we did we met trade recently and it was it was it was a lovely seems like a nice guy yeah where's favorite band is that what he said says that to everybody that's true we could we could tell you said that to Toad the Wet Sprocket big boot L scene do you have like fans that are following around like putting out cuz every Show's different yeah yeah so like they like the dead kind of thing they recording them and pass boot I mean I went to Red Rocks and I went to Bowl I mean I I've done five Marathon sets cuz I also went to Berkeley yeah amazing what are you doing at these shows are you dancing around you're standing there like this dancing around I'll go in the mosh pit during like hell and [ __ ] like that like you think there's a lot of guys that just are watching like this yeah yeah now they are there's some old guys up the back doing that it's that thing it's like I feel like it's like that kind of American Pastime of like the jam band it's like it feels like has resonated with us here like in the states you know there it's it's crazy that we have multiple like people just follow us around for the whole tour um it's like not a cheap exercise you know yeah I got to figure out how to do that yeah where the hell why aren't you at all my shows [ __ ] I sponsored today Grandma Glenn's Great Grapes City of the Day sponsor by Grandma Glenn's great grapes these are homemade grapes uh Grandma Glenn runs a tight ship no dust or MIT in her rugs so why should we why should she lower her standards when it comes to feeding her grandchildren fruit store-bought grapes grow on vines outside and dirt and dust can settle on the grapes not to mention manure and smog residue Grandma Glenn developed a recipe for homemade grapes and now she is making them for the whole world no need to worry about the onus Oni a bacteria found in deadly Vine grown grapes Grandma Glenn's homemade grapes are made with just three ingredients powder water and homemade grape skins and we're sorry Mr Kroger these grapes are mail order only I have a little jingle that [Music] uh is fresh 100% [Music] beautiful did you play that for Grandma Glenn she hired me to produce that song she's doing homemade peaches next I hear the boy at well this is this is not this Doug’s Mom Wrote a Book is not one of these uh Jeffrey Epstein kind of things is it no no the boy at Wells this is this is some perverted stuff here the boy at Wells next to the Sea next the sea not there's no two next to the Sea it's a town in England is the typo no the boy at next the sea okay okay you Doug are you okay with this we're having fun here here here's your book and we're going to have everybody that belongs to the office hours community go ahead and pick this book up can you get it on Amazon you can get it on Amazon yeah read us read us uh the first page okay all right is this your first this is your first children's book my first I have another one coming out okay so this oh gosh where is it Which chapter I said just the first page chapter one okay chapter one how come the camera's not on me I want to know why I'm don't worry about what's on the camera let West worry about don't look at that screen that screen doesn't reflect okay ready Archie watch lives in England a very pretty town called Wells Nex to se the town was on the North well next to the SE right oh and was very busy from all right it's my starring moment all right I apologize okay uh it was very busy town from June to September when the weather was suitable for renting Caravans and visiting the beach very nice the beach had small cabins the local people built to stay in while they were at the beach visitors from Europe and America would spend summer holidays renting cabins or Caravans which were like RVS near the beach so I won't read anymore because you're cutting me off anyway no no that we we've now that's what we call in the business a tease now people are going to be like I got to I got to buy that book to figure out how this all wraps up okay okay no no so look up Pauline we'll put a link put a link yeah it's on Amazon I've sold two so far so I bought one and rocketing up the who's fulfilling these yeah who's fulfilling these orders who's filling the orders who's fulfilling the orders in other words Amazon I guess okay are there like I don't know storage of those do they print them on the go as they she printed 10,000 of themint them on the go I'm K okay well let me get a couple of orders of business out of the way Pauline enjoy yourself and anything you need you let me know should I go now no no you can stay I can stay okay uh and Gary if you have any thoughts from a directorial standpoint or a produc orial standpoint please chime in he can't can't hear you yes I can I can always hear you talk oh GE easy now lock horns uh we do have a very special guest who happens to be streaming right now we're going to try EXCLUSIVE Interview with Don Jr. some new technology here we're going to cross streams as they say with the son of presidential candidate uh Donald J Trump Don Jr as is known is is joining us here thank you for joining us it's a pleasure to have you on you guys are the best all right that means a lot what are you what are you drinking there I saw you drinking that earlier what are you drinking what am I drinking I'm drinking Celsius I just needed some caffeine it's a little late for too much caffeine cuz I won't go to sleep but I didn't I almost did not sleep at all last night for some reason I kept waking up and uh really never actually got to sleep it was a that was a long night so I needed some caffeine cuz about like 20 minutes before the show I basically I hit a wall I was like oh [ __ ] yeah uh don't want to be low energy right that get no get thrown out the Trump family no I was I was going to say we got some guys from Kentucky here do you have any connection with Kentucky or hunting do you hunt elk there I'm actually a Duke of Hazard oh uh and I'm also a Kentucky Colonel and I've I've a lot of friends out there uh in the coal mining space and I've gace think my son shot his first elk there actually I've done that hunt it's actually a great hunt it's really really cool the scenery is incredible the People Are Awesome uh you know you usually think of elkus being further out West yeah I do uh but no that's a great hunt with great people I've had uh a lot of good times there and do you ever use a recurve is it called a recurve bow you know like a recurve actually I use a recurve bow all the time I was I well at least when I left New York I haven't joined like a club here for it right but when I left New York I was my recurve and compound uh local bow Club Champion so I I I can spend a lot of time learning how to shoot a rer longbow well sh uh shooting just yeah um we always ask this for a guest what's your favorite food do you have a favorite food that you can think of what's your favorite what's my favorite food yeah I don't know man I I not a lot beats like an awesome steak for me I mean I can just do like I'm a steak and potatoes kind of guy yeah me too although I mean I could say could also be a pretty serious pasta kind of guy or um you know I like a lot of Japanese food as well and you know Korean I I like I'm I'm I'm a foodie so I sort of like a little bit of everything my mom was Eastern European so like I I can eat everything CU you know they did um yeah all right thanks man listen let me get uh you back to your show we're going to go back to our show and uh thanks for piping in you're always welcome I will give uh your favorite President my dad uh I'll Give All of You their best uh I will say that you said hi even the losers and the haters as he would so eloquently say uh in the comments so I hope you guys have an awesome night thanks man good guys all right thanks so much D ladies and Michael Rayner “Glendale's Got Talent” gentlemen Michael rer y welcome welcome all right here we go first we'll do really quick uh anti-gravity racket trick that's right here in Glendale there is no gravity it's by choice you have gravity here in glendell so choose gravity or not you can go under the leg oh under the leg like that he's like a chubby version of cir to solay he cir to Buffet everybody we can go behind the back like so oh we can go onehanded just like that spin it over like that onehanded like this oh yes look at the magesty the Artistry Stephy graph couldn't do this WOW here we go up down there wow oh we got to we got to go we got to go crazier we got to go nuts I have a Burger King cheeseburger we're going to have for sponsor purposes it's it's not sponsored it's just where I got it here we go Burger King cheeseburger we're gonna spin it so fast it unwraps itself then if we're lucky and only if we're lucky pickles will work their way through the bread and fly into you the judges if you have any kind of allergic reaction to cucumber or brine leave the Sound Stage now here we go oh go a pickle oh we got lucky that pickle came out right right away there I don't even know if that's bread pickle or what it is whatever Mysteries entail in this accretion disc flying through the solar system here we go I did a show for astronomers that's why I brought that out here we go parasol to Parasol transfer never before seen in Glendale yes Glen yes yes Eagle Rock not Glendale oh oh one more time we're going to go around the circumference oh we're going to try to throw it up kick it off the knee back to the top here we go up off the knee back to the top two tries oh oh no no we get the second try but now it makes it more difficult cuz I set it up on the second which is always very very scary there wow well congratulations the Phil Braun "The New Bozo” strike is over I saw you put your head shot back out there we get did um some other good news uh to talk about tonight um promoting my new show the new Bozo Show what I bought the licensing for Bozo and we're going to Rebrand it to do a whole new show uh totally serious we're getting rid of all the kids stuff uh it's just going to be a oneon-one interviews here on uh PBS we're going to have you know politicians we're why you to be bo yeah why do you have to be Bozo for that it seems counterproductive seems like you're sending the wrong message well I bought the I bought the licensing to to use the character so uhuh I had to think of what I'm going to do with why did you buy the the the licensing for Bozo the Clown because everybody knows Bozo bozo is like the most World Famous uh clown in the world uh so I mean if you want to do hard it's hard to take you seriously like this you understand maybe he should have got him for Pennywise yeah well I look I'm not wearing I'm not wearing the blue costume I'm not wearing the the red hair I'm not doing we're we're you know I'm getting serious here but I am still using the The Bozo Persona uh so who's your F who was your first guest going to be tonight well I have Dr Janet Yellen uh waiting in the green room now as soon as I get off here we're going to start she's Secretary of the FED fed chairman or something like that Secretary of the chairman uh of the treasury we're going to talk about interest rates we're going to talk talk about Central Bank we're going to talk about what just what's going on with the economy uh for the next hour we're just going to really dive into it do you smoke on your show it looks like there's a pack of sigs uh sometimes I mean this is kind of a loose show here so you know occasionally we'll you know when things are getting uh getting into it you know we both both just are loose and each other and huh does Dr Janet Yellen smoke I don't know we're about to find out though it's not po all right well start start to let's just watch Bozo smoke for I know right Phil do you like smoking cigarettes yes I do I I like to smoke uh I think it's very uh dignified very cool and dignified [Laughter] [Music] cool the great unfrosted debate what The Great Unfrosted Debate we're going to do right now uh it's we're doing the Frosted unfrosted yes sir and one of you guys liked it and one of you guys didn't that's correct go okay I like all of you have been paying attention to the tsunami of Seinfeld press that he's been doing over the course of the past several months it feels like for his Netflix movie unfrosted I was paying close attention to Mr Seinfeld's remarks as comes to his perspective on Comedy and the effect of the so-called woke left you don't know what you're talking I find Mr Seinfeld's observations about comedy generally to be off Bas I think he presents himself to be a bit of an ass when it comes to his point of view certainly on Israel and I would say I don't agree with him and find him to be kind of a a jerk does he make me laugh he has made me laugh in the past I think okay I think Seinfeld is a great show and I was excited ladies and gentlemen I was excited to watch something that would be considered the worst movie of the Year by this ass Jer Seinfeld well much to my surprise ladies and gentlemen I enjoyed the heck out of it someone puts a lie detector to me and said did you laugh Tim my answer would be not really no I might have smiled but it held my attention it was definitely not my favorite movie it wouldn't show up in my top 50 wow was it the worst movie of the year Hil no it's a little bit of Baskin Robbins a little bit of uh a little bit of McDonald's that's my statement thank you very much all right to me it reminds me more of like oh here we go look it Matt that's time it's more like Jack in the Box has been in your car for a week why should I care about this movie mhm and who am I rooting for right cuz it's like it's like I see it as a Jerry's uh Love Letter to Corporate America and this is what you get when everyone is afraid to tell a billionaire no this is what you get and Jerry's like yeah it's a great idea you know and uh but I really think this is the main thing is a chance for him to show off his cars is it is it our kind of humor no but I contend that if the Zucker Brothers put out airplane now uh that that it would be it would get terrible reviews and that now I sound like I hope not Vic do can you acknowledge that this is a movie for 75 year olds and Tim and know that it's not for you and acknowledge that it's a good movie for its audience you find it to be an a front to your sensibilities it's a disgrace we got inom let's get the final word here from Comedy experts DJ Doug pound and Eric Andre Eric Andre um I'm giving I'm giving a positive review I'm giving a positive review to unfrosted your thoughts I haven't seen it yet uh I sorry I'm starting the show a little low energy we just received some RIP O.J. Simpson heartbreaking news um I'm not sure I guess you guys are aware but um yesterday I believe Wednesday 2024 April 10th that would be uh we the world lost um OJ Simpson a uh celebrated actor from The Naked Gun films from the Zucker brothers and uh fo football legend I mean one of the great football players of all time Heisman Trophy winner and we just wanted to take a minute and remember him and talk about our memories of watching OJ play on the the grid iron when we were just kids and seeing him in those great hurts rental commercials that were so popular and then of course as um uh Norberg the uh partner to Frank dreon from the police academy I mean the uh I apologize for that Naked Gun Naked Gun thank you Matt and Naked Gun two and a half so this news came by my uh radar this morning as I was looking at the news it says New York Times reports OJ Simpson athlete whose trial uh he ran let's see here I'm sorry OJ Simpson who ran to who ran to fame on the football field made fortunes as a black All American in movies advertising and television and was acquitted of killing his former wife and friend in 1995 what what the hell is that about what what's the big deal he's acquitted huh I don't know about that so we do apparently I guess what H what he killed his well he doesn't say he killed he said he was accused of I guess and there was a big murder trial was a big back in the 9s Tim you can't be digging up these old tweets or whatever you're looking at and I'm staying at the New York Times here they said that uh the jury in the murder trial Mur I cleared him oh that's good damn quit but there's a but there's a butt but the case which had helped which has held up a cracked mirror to Black and White America ruined his world oh that's too bad I didn't true it's a shame oh damn it I didn't know he had that kind of baggage well we still remember the the great OJ we actually got video uh this just came in we we have exclusive video of his death which we hate showing on on our show but cause of death revealed this morning and this is sad to see a guy go out this way a guy who's really built his reputation and his career in the in athletics um but uh and children please look away this is pretty graphic stuff let's see how OJ left us yesterday do we have a video of that yeah that's uh it's our duty Alec can you pull that up hi you buddy be as good as new in a week that's wonderful prank everyone like you oh god oh man oh God Dam no way to survive there's no way to survive such a thing the show clearly de he seemed like he was already quite look at him mid a We Wrote a Holiday HIT we we got so much talent in this room uh musically Ellie on BAS Jake Carly Vic even I did notice I brought a guitar but where'd that get to no but what we're going to do because we are now it's less than 20 days from Christmas Christmas so we have to write a Christmas song today it's got to be done has to be done to get on the charts make it number one iTunes iTune mv3 download I'll do the first three little things I wrote it's Christmas it's Hanukah thank God for presents what do you think it's definitely some it's it's a yeah I'm working on it definitely keep working on it okay Grant it's Christmas it's Hanukkah thank Santa thank yamakas thanks yamas that that doesn't makes sense I know but I like the rhyme that's the point Christian Jewish Christian Jewish yeah yeah yeah gets it or or something about like put Santa in a Yama yeah yeah yeah something about something about combining Christmas and let's come together let's come together fore why can't we have just one day for us all then we C spend all money at the we did it all right that's awesome keep track of that one we're going to tie that together me it's pretty much done the no more Christmas Walts yeah yeah I want I want to get a drele in there so that's right no dles no Jingle Bells no dles no Jingle Bells no commercializing burning in hell oh I love do you like that I like let's go no Dre no Jingle Bells no manora sitting on the shelf I've got an idea oh God I hate it the concept of the song the point of view of the song is this let's just put all our energy into New Year's Eve let's put it all because like they're so close we already have New Year's Eve uh what do I say need to cut down any Christmas tree and it don't even matter what you believe oh my God that's [ __ ] money that's it nice holy [ __ ] there it is all right now let's do actual recording of it no Christmas no Hanukah put Canta in a yica no dles no Jingle Bells no manora sitting on the shelves why can't we have just one day for us all why should we spend all our money at the mall we already have New Year's Eve we don't need to cut down any Christmas trees and it don't even matter what you believe [Music] no Christmas no Hanah Santa no no Jingle Bells noting on the sh why can't we have just one day for a s why should we spend all our money at the at the [Music] Happy New Year's Eve Outro everybody that's [Music] right thank you for listening I write just for you but others hearing this may find things they would argue