Surprise Guest Zach Galifianakis, Lizzy Cooperman (Episode 282)

Intro I [Music] like good morning everybody good morning it's Tim hicker here with another episode of office hours it's January 25th 2020 Vic four and can you turn this I got to turn this monitor cuz I can't see myself I don't I mean I I can see myself I don't want to cuz I'm so embarrassed well well well who's behind me who are you I am Lizzy cooperman I'm Liz cooperman DB cooperman's here I'm thrilled to be filling in for Doug in this morning's performance yes this is it's going to be a great show a lot of people talk about the group Blink 182 this is episode 282 so that's cool and Vic Berger's here we've got a special guest here I have not introduced him yet we're going to play a game to determine who it is The big reveal Victor Burger's here do I get a guess no you don't get a guess you know who it is Tim am I happy to be here today You're darn toon I am all right Vic Vic made me mute the bed so I could 30 seconds ago in preparation for that it was still the bed was going on a very long time it's my I can do popey that's all I can do producer mats here and Doug is on a cruise folks he's on the Eric Andre Cruz which is having a diarrhea outbreak we've just gotten word that there's diarrhea like that movie um the boat movie what's the movie with the boat that everybody loved Titanic that's itang triangle of sadness it's that sort of situation now without further ad do we would like to uh turn cameras over to our who is it can somebody guess Matt let's bring a Zoomer in and see if they can [ __ ] guess based on hands based on his hands yeah look at the hands now we got a couple things it isn't Bob himself obviously but let's bring zomer Shelby you got a guess can you see Shelby foot hey Shelby good morning good morning you want to take a guest you want to take a guest at our special guest can you hear me yes it's Rosie it's what Rosie the dog no it's not Rosie the dog can you see that there's a clearly a man holding up a Bob Dylan picture I think that's a dog it's not a dog what how could it be a dog wait we're gonna give you one more clue wait maybe it is a dog no seriously who do you think it is it's Bob it's not Bob Dylan next Zoomer we got to get one more guest and then we'll find out who the guest guest all right Jonathan is Jonathan you got a guess yeah it's Zach alakus wait what how did you do that all right let's reveal let's little Peak gave it away no oh you peaked I I didn't know what the parameters were of the show parameters were do me show like what my frame was well that's why we had you come in an hour early to run that and we did run it way to go what's your name Jonathan way to go Jonathan good work what do I win you win uh the chance to e- meet uh Zach an e- meeting yeah an eting an e- meet and greet you're going to have a zoom Zack this Sunday morning how's 6:30 It's Great Pacific time I'll see I'll uh let's do it Hong Kong time to make it fun why not so that'll be Thursday no we do have Zach with us um and we have couple minutes with him and then he's got a blast off how are you I'm good me I'm good thank you for I love you thanks I love you for being here oh well it's nice to to be here I've never Zach is not on the internet seen the show so I'm excited to you're not on the internet but I know what it is I've been on it for but you don't care for this show uh well I didn't know about it do you watch Steven colar do you watch the tonight's show Jimmy Fallon nope last thing I watched was smoky in the Bandit in the theaters yeah well we're GNA have a good time today aren't we folks we could tell already because Zach gives me the giggles you were just in Sundance yes yes I was that's fun it's it's a great scene yeah yeah did you meet people that you had show people business types I saw a video of you where you're kind of like standing behind other people being interviewed yes that's my strong that's what I like to do is not talk much about show business but just stand there you had opinions on Oppenheimer I saw you you got somebody uh said it wasn't funny I said Oppenheimer wasn't funny I think so I saw some clip some remember saying that uh what movie were you in Oppenheimer okay it was I could see you in that what did they call you for that yeah turned it down as for the lead for the Adam Bomb not for the I'm not playing the Adam Bomb talking about weight yeah that's a fat joke yeah I don't do those anymore I don't do a lot of jokes anymore that's true yeah you called me last night and said listen I'm not really doing the humor thing right now so be easy on me who's to too easy the humor thing I'm going what are you into now drama yeah strict drama drama drama conversations drama podcast yeah drama cast I don't want to be try to be funny well I want to get into it with you okay uh what kind of what's your weightlifting situation like are you doing a lot of weightlifting like you used to be doing or is it I do my regular reps reps is that what it yeah uh I'm benching now 480 and are you all protein or just I'm on a strict protein um most mostly corn dogs because if you take the breading off the corn dog and just eat the dog that's it's a lot of protein just go to the dog then yeah cuz I think eating a hot dog on a on a stick is uh convenient well they should just sell those uh without the the corn breading on it Trader Joe's I've I've listen it sounds like a joke but I've actually I uh wrote a letter to the the top brass at Trader Joe's to see if they could do that and they wrote back and they said you mean just hot dogs with a STI on a stick on a stick and I said yeah if you would have word it that way yeah Frozen we didn't get into that well listen that's enough with you okay um I have some business to discuss how many people are viewing it now well that's a controversial question yeah how many Matt what's the Number 1700 1300 and growing well now the word spread yeah so it spreads and by the end of the thing what what's a good goal normally 55 mil Millions no I think we'll probably have I think today we'll probably have about 1,700 1,800 live and then you could watch it later you can watch it anytime yeah and when you do use patreon to support the show do you support the show on patreon what what is patreon I got to teach you so many things what is patreon it it's a way to you know uh what is patreon it's a you you send money and you get you get special things got it patreon.com office hours live um and so is that you're asking for donations when you do that it's not donations it's like it's like a subscription to the show got it it's like when you the how how did you get a hold of that National Geographic I bought it at Gelson's well our show's at Gelson's too oh you can watch it at Gelson's which aisle it's in the uh coffee section right in the middle little screen there little iPad we dropped how long have you been doing this uh office hours oh people are GNA think you don't know me that we're not actual friends yeah but you didn't know I was at your [ __ ] wedding I know but you don't know anything of what what I'm doing creatively that's why I bring you in to find out that's why I'm here to find out about you well six years I'd say seven years seven or eight maybe I thought you were gonna say a few months couple we just started Yes actually no I'm just kidding we just started this is our second episode no 20 well here's the deal for first three or four years I was doing it kind of intermittently let me go get my thesaurus every once in a while I always keep up with you but I'm usually late to the game yeah well you're an on Cinema fan I I and you're probably not watching the new season I probably have not caught up but it is very good thank you very good Vic have you been good at a lot of things I'm all right you this is something that happen what's he doing this is what happens is they V this is oh he's big into Trump now did you see that huh I didn't see that coming he seems like a pretty nice guy that VC doesn't he's got a lot of energy H um so so Vic and Doug sit back here and they play stupid sound effects oh okay that's I don't have that I have by the way this is a real lemon it is yeah it is a lemon I almost tripped over this in the backyard Tim thought it was fake someone wants money and you will be hearing from my attorney after the show here don't throw it this is a real lemon I noticed that Vic has I know they make is that not a cumquat it looks like a cumquat easy we got this family family oh that was a good catch I can catch anything I really can except no I had it um why does Vic have his own branding on his mic that's him that's his he thinks he's being cute okay yeah a little strong you how do you feel how do you feel about Billy The new Billy Joel Joel I I like Billy I like Billy Joel it's fine why you don't like him I love Billy Joel nyline curtain it's a good album uh he's got a new song he teased a new song Yesterday yeah there not even a joke okay he looking at me we going to hear it can we get a do you have that by the way the little teaser the teaser it's just a couple cords I don't it's nothing too crazy go ahead all right do you want to hear a fact while this is being pulled up yeah you know that song bottle of red bottle of white yeah not the name of the song yeah oh I don't I actually don't know what the main chorus to that song is but but that song was essentially written by his server at an elegant restaurant those were words that the server said to him sure it's really plagiarized right this is the new Billy here's the new this is the new Billy Jewel let's play that's got it [Music] [Music] yeah it's going to be good that's it that's it's going to be good that's that's there's a trailer for a song There's a trail I've never seen that before g g g are you good at no it's not can you play like if I just say can you play as it goes by Billy Joel I think that's I love that song it go is that what it's called is a song uh no uh uh it has as it goes in the words as it goes no that's not it do you know that song that's a ghost it's very slow and it's find out folks the B Dyan one that he recorded no it's a beautiful song as it go it's not it there she go she there she there she goes oh and so it goes It goes yes what's that from oh it's beautiful here we're going to get dinged oh yeah I don't know what this is I forget what it's from though it might be uh if we play any music from I was going to ask that so yeah we get dinged what do you mean dinged well we get arrested the the cops like they'll come through the door yeah SWAT team comes all right yeah don't play it then I got to go pick up my kids I don't yeah no we'll be in ja like we we we spend the night in jail but honestly how does it work in they do copyright strike it so sometimes things will get blocked it will get we have to go write them back okay it's very stupid but wait what are we talking about Billy Joel I got to tell I got to do you were going to say someone El took something someone said and said oh these were the lyrics for well well he did that for Neil Sedaka Anthony works in the grocery store and that's a uh Neil Sedaka song what the hell's the name of it well listen The Beatles I always think Paul McCartney does this when he's telling stories he doesn't even realize he's doing it but he was like uh oh you know uh this this Jamaican fell down the street kept saying O blood BL life goes on I'm like yeah that's all right you know I like well that does that's not yeah but what are you saying that's plagiarism a little bit Yeah but if the guy is if the go ahead say I know you're going with this if he's Jamaican no I'm not saying that's where you're going no wrong again uh I'm saying if you see someone saying something the other day I heard someone say in La very seriously I have very sturdy eyebrows and you're like that's mine I wrote it down yeah yeah because you do though by the way I do I do yeah uh but is that plagiarism cuz I heard it and then I want to use it in another context yeah okay I I'll I'll I'll write her a letter yeah I think all you have to do is say the just explain where you heard it I overheard this walking down the sidewalk I want to give this woman credit for does that mean you don't like emote a lot like your eyebrows don't move or they're sturdy you know what I don't know I didn't hear the rest of it cuz I was so into that one Zach live at Largo what do you do when you go to Largo because I see you go to Largo and you go up and people all CUO eyowo well I like Largo but uh there always there's always these shows at Largo that you can't believe who's on the build it's Adam Sandler Fred had David burn last night or the other night and it's it's almost like you're uh the people there are just like Glutton where they're just feasting from this table of talent y it's not doesn't seem fair but it's what ever mhm uh but you every every clip I see of you it's you coming out thunderous Applause and you going this this is a big mistake yeah they play wait there's a video of the show the other night that I only clips of like you coming out on stage right it was a mistake so what happened I I was talking to a comic backstage and then I hear my name being introduced and then I wasn't I didn't know I was going on oh that's all oh that was the because I've seen other Clips where you're kind of under you're down playing what you're going to do yeah cuz you're like I don't know I don't have anything and well I don't you should look through my notebook there's not even words in it I mean honestly if you go in my car and there's two notebooks some has oh burglar have already been through there it's been stealing my material but does what does the audience do are you getting L are you I'm just wondering how much of this is kind of you're like oh I'm not funny and then you kill a lot don't know about killing okay but but I really it is an honest so I the other night I hadn't done standup in seven months and so it's not like riding a bike you have you have to get back into the groove of it so I don't know what I'm doing so you're starting from the the bottom up a little yeah again so I don't know what I'm doing I mean I know what I'm doing but I I I haven't tested any of the jokes out because you can't do it in the woods you have to have a perfect audience you have you you can't do it for your kids and your wife wife or can you uh you I Stu that with my wife a long time ago are you doing bits Zach are you doing bits yeah I'm doing bits so sometimes I'll I'll try stuff out on me wife yeah I have try my wife hears me say things and then she'll go I dare you to say that on stage oh the racist stuff sorry well I didn't want to make a a comment about this show and it's very white oh it is see I do read the message boards he's like you're like I don't watch the show but I look at the message boards that's all I just read the complaint remember that back in the day the uh the a special thing yeah I know that yeah was a waste we were all in invested in that not me you weren't I the I hated that remember yeah around death rate kind of yeah and it was probably like like 700 people total or something yeah but I I just felt judged if it's very did you it's not what com you're not supposed to they're build people are building stuff you're not supposed to com I don't know I don't like the I don't like this give and take I know it's bad so you you don't well but you're not on social media no let me ask you what do you what do I do yeah what do you do what's your day like what's your day on an average what's an average Day in the life of Zach Z day zday all right I wake up or usually around 5 every morning 5 in the morning so does Vic yes Vic do you have kids I do yeah did you start doing that when you had kids oh yeah right away yeah yeah I me too right when I had kids I just started waking up I think there's something programmed in US sometimes I don't know totally totally so I wake up around now when you say you wake up at 5:00 are you out of bed at 5:00 or you laying okay oh wow yeah no I I just stare stare at the mirror above my bed for a couple hours a pillow um sometimes I'll get up and I'll just lay in bed and I'll think I'm up and then I'll try to read something or prepare lunch or cup of coffee a coffee yeah then kids go to school take him to the bus stop no bus stop yeah bus stop really MH oh cuz you now you spend a lot of time up in can I'm in can I'm talking my Canadian yeah your Canadian life if you want me to know my American mornings I can do that too because it's different it's different metric versus well I'm in the city now so it's a whole different thing I get up at 459 you're like a no you and your family are like Nomads CU you guys don't you have no like you have a Canadian but then you come down and you're here for a little while MH it's it's just unusual life does it feel it doesn't feel ungrounded no no it's very grounded all right what you oh because I just think it should feel ungrounded no it doesn't it feels very grounded um you want me to continue with that yeah after I think we get it though well we just walk through it actually I do want to get to that my sleep I want to get to that midm morning period where like maybe you AR don't need to do anything oh okay if there's nothing to do like no business stuff or you do a lot of stock trading and oh God yes eHarmony wait is it that's not a stock thing um but then I'll chop sometimes I'd like to chop wood for my back back it's good for my back okay and then then I go to sleep so stuff stuff around the house I have to do a lot of stuff around the house because the main to maintain it it's and then if somebody let's say Ron Howard wants to get you in his movie yeah is he coming up there on a speedboat is he uh is there a way to get in touch with you um I I have email you can email me it's true I've been communicating with and I have emailed before in the past yeah I'm pretty good at it well I I realized I had an old email from you oh you did which I don't have had the same I'll give out the ones I have on the put it on the screen always nice to meet I want to present you with a little present okay Matt and Lizzie I you know Tim gives Zach a present yeah happy you're here I'm thrilled to be here I know you're watching The Sopranos I want to talk Have You Ever Seen The Sopranos I've never seen it it's hard to talk to his back though right I've never seen something for you to do I could do that watch now what what can you oh present present do you want a present first I have a present for you first of all look at that guy look at him a that's the present this what I don't trust me I don't want that I get enough of that Zoom meetings look at you now this is it is that the two of the two of you guys in Reggie wats oh wow come on show the AUD serious why not I don't me you don't have to take it I want it can I have it yeah is it really for me or you just do it I'm giving it to you I was not going to give it to I am giving see he didn't think I would take it well no I would love you to have no I'm not going because I can tell you I can always get it back no no no I think you should take it I think it was made for the I don't know it was made it made for the show I think I'm going to put it on the exterior of my car think on the passeng why you're the king yeah oh lord well I want to change the mood here because they two we have a great Community here and I want to maybe bring in a member of the community Matt can we bring in a member of the community oh sure I mean just people at people over world watch let's talk to someone on the phone okay but I want to are you want a video person I just want Help these people out to do some charity work here because two friends of our show uh first of all Matt Atley has uh done sound for me on the last couple of Tours great guy down there in San Diego Zach got slammed by the flooding do you know about the flooding I saw I saw in San Diego it was awful that's crazy I have to say this looks kind of like a thirst trap to me oh he's hot believe me but he's married ladies okay with a kid but he's down in San Diego and what he does when he's not touring and doing sound he is a record collector and seller like he he's got this insane record collection and he sells it online you know so guess what was in the guess what was in his storage space records guess what happened they guess where the rain went into the storage space there you go and into the records somebody's catching on were the albums 45s all kinds there's a lot of Boston like later like mid mid Boston which not the value we're ready the song we're ready remember that we're ready yeah is that it yeah I used to get ready with to that song in the morning High School so anyways Matt we love Matt and he is uh obviously there's no [ __ ] flood insurance anymore I guess does he have album insurance I mean honestly he is albums protected I wonder but if you want to support him it's uh and Zach you should you can give them my venmo directly soundscore likeor sound is his discog store and that's where you can buy his flooded out record his his soaking W more than just wet records though but are they warped at this time do you think I I mean I don't think they are I don't think so like records have to be over 140° to like actually warp and and so I don't water's not really going to do to much the the cover art the artwork is going to be the artworks done yeah unless you can like dry it works done but you could dry it away the where it flattens and no so anyways I'm sure he's going to be fine but I want to use my platform to throw him whatever we can throw him and also Molly mcginness Molly mcginness big fan of our show a really fun caller she would always zoom in and have all sorts of sass with me she'd always she from Manchester England she would uh she's Fallen ill and uh we what there's a Matt what is there some kind of there's a g fundme she's on the mend but she's you know she can still use your help throw give her some give her give throw her some bones and what was your charity that wanted to promote that you're sick or you Lizzy at@ Lizzy cooperman venbo I'm trying to I want to get the Soprano's box set you don't need the Soprano's box set that's what you're raising money for GoFundMe for a Soprano's box set of DVDs uh Matt do we have somebody on the phone uh the H and people got to be so excited that the legendary Zack Alan a The King The King the king of comedy Pablo Pablo what do you got you're on the Hot Head hotline how's your health it's very good I just checked it thank you for asking yeah I got my heart looked at and all that stuff I need to do that yeah it's how old are you I'm going to be 48 in a month oh you're young less than a month oh you're fine don't take a week no I feel in a week you had the colonoscopy thing the the SC wants to give me one but I said he wants to give you one you're almost at that age want to practice I haven't gotten that yet oh God it's the yeah I've had one of those my dentist fem get them yeah women have them your dentist my dentist does all my medical stuff does it hurt like when they put I'll tell you so this is true I went and did it here and the guy has his finger in my rectum mhm and I turned to him as he's doing it I said is this a bad time to ask if you validate parking and he didn't laugh and I went you heard this before he goes yeah twice already this oh my god oh man it was so humiliating oh my God wait a minute it's just you and him it was just the two of us yeah aren't you supposed to be sedated for This Not That One not with the the first probe it's just a it's just a digit from a stranger oh Bill Cosby did mine oh I should have told you we're we're kind of supporters of him here we don't believe the stories and I know Zach had you you're a big well suppor of him well I have no he's not people take everything so literally now well I have a book out about my days with him um Pablo he's on tour oh Pablo Pablo are you there yes I've got a A pun for you it's Hotliner has a pun very topical but it's a blue God the one thing about this show is mostly I think because of me and Doug but we are we love we used we love puns but people think they can do puns too okay see and Zach likes puns who doesn't all right did you hear about those yeni militia that gave oral sex to Trey Anastasio and his buddies wow they're hooty and they blow fish that's really good not going to give I don't like I don't like that kind of it's too political it's too blue it's too political it is too political and I'm I'm tired of people beating up on Hoody and the and the Blowfish in general you know it's been years now it's a little bit it's old it's a little old yeah you have to pick one or the other yeah I got one of those Darius Ruck sacks that I run I run with what was that oh I said you have to pick one or the other hoodie or the Blowfish hoodie is not hoodie's not the lead singer there isn't even isn't no there's not no yeah and also the same thing goes with that Jiro qu jir there's only it's a band it's not a person yeah same with Le Zeppelin I found that out last week I was listening to some old Casey k something you thought it was a guy named Leed Zeppelin uh we have to do a sponsor here City of the Day city of the day oh City sponsor the show well we have a city of the day and that is the sponsored part of the show and the city the day is sponsored by Clayton Mullen de Edge Clayton Mullen and the edge oong baby it's that is that a vintage rattl and hump tour jacket in your closet are you facing time for a crime you didn't commit and you still haven't found what you're looking for as far as attorneys go allow me to introduce you to Clayton Molly Clayton Clayton Mullen and the edge no Clayton Mullen D Edge his last name is The Edge Clayton Mullen The Edge the world's first pro bono lawyer there he goes there he goes believe it's proano proo prooo proo the first proano lawyer a sliping I think it's funnier to uh can't tell what do you think what do you think King this is tough but they both work yeah a slip and fall means big settlements for you and when represented by you two Super Fan and attorney at law Clayton Mullen de Edge Clayton oh it's one person it's a guy yeah oh I didn't realize that I thought I thought it'd be funnier if it's Clayton Mullen like you know it's like the partners yeah I thought that's what you were get get a [ __ ] comma in there yeah Clayton Mullen yeah it should be Clayton Mullen and the edge or it could be Clayton Mullen Mullen and the edge you know how they have the same names in there Brothers could have been could have gone that route what a nice guy giving you punch-ups live all I love it has made headline well I told you last week I saw a sneak preview of this ad dur when I was reading the previous ad and it was I was crying laughing at this idea here we go okay yeah we get it now all right you two so call you two you two you no there's a whole script here I got to read no no just now uh now Vic I heard you whipped up a nice jingle for proano lawyer Clayton Mullen to Edge is this true yeah it is true clayon on the edge loves you too and wants to you it's true he loves you too oh he loves you too don't beue Hees you very much too but most of all he loves you too me call you to you to youy youy all right going oh wow that's so good it's kind of like a PO song I know PO is like in my brain so very much not like a YouTu song which would have been the obvious route right yeah all right now Matt who is the city of the day or what is the city of the day Owen hey it's uh pboro North Carolina oh wow do you know this uh which town Hillsboro Pittsboro oh Pittsboro yeah near Chapel Hill yeah I um I live in Chapel Hill I'm I work at UH chadam County Parks and Rec I'm I'm one of your blue color fans nice he's got a giant if you can't tell he's got a giant uh chainsaw in his hand yeah what and a uh are you doing at the park yeah I'm sharpening my chainsaw right now I pretend like I'm working while I'm on the zoom thought you're cutting a bathroom stink in half or something um I called in cuz I'm a big Lizzy fan oh that's exciting did he say Thin Lizzy fan incredible Li oh big Lizzy cover discuss that um where did you yeah how do you how the hell do you know Lizzy cooperman from this show I don't mean to say that really wow you know the how many times have you done the show the last time I did it was with Neil hamburger the time before that I think this is my third time actually so the time before the first time you were you did the show you did the whole show without having headphones on without headphones I and I said I watched it back and I was like I said probably three words yeah and we're like watching Clips she had no idea you could hear it there's nothing to CL yeah it was very strange I thank you um it's my dis what are we looking at Drone footage or Pittsburgh Pittsboro yeah oh wow look at you guys find whoa what's going on I'm freaking out this guy though better earlier stes is that the library God no I missed the there's no libraries that big in North Carolina the courth you don't get back there much now yeah I just was there you were mhm Family Y I love it there I was a well I was a guest at your one of your residences there a long time ago yep you came up to the place yeah down to I would say down are you over over do you walk to the uh the staircase house ever gone by that no but I uh I have a connection to that really yes whoa so so we just so the audience understands the staircase uh what's the guy's name uh Michael Peterson oh yes Peterson I'll tell you later oh it's oh it's did you have something to do with that all right forget it we're moving on oh my God play Let's Play what is my favorite Tim Burton movie music headwood no no Batman Returns I'm I'm not asking you actually that's confusing it seems like I am who is yeah do see but it's not his fault I know you looked in the camera and said what is my favorite Tim Burt movie like he's supposed to know what is it though do some uh tricks with that uh chainsaw okay actually was doing some chainsaw work with you at that in North Carolina you remember what Happ oh look at that holy [ __ ] oh whoa turn it on and do it that's cool I was kidding but it's like a comi unit it's not like pluged into the motor right now yeah oh man he's having a good time do you have one of those flamethrowers for weeds and on the sidewalk the flamethrower thing oh yeah actually those are cool I'm doing a sustainable agriculture degree and that's something we do on the farm nice good for you so you're one of the good down there in North Carolina what's going on with North Carolina these days uh you terms it's not bad right no no it's a great I love it's kind of moderate Oh Oh you mean politically uh it's purple I guess but it swings back and forth I guess I don't know I don't know everything seems so odd and out of place are you able to vote uh this year even though you live in Canada uh yes yes yes of course yes no but do you remember what happened in Tim makes Zach cry uh when I was in North Carolina with you the cat yeah you going I think that's fair right to what Happ oh God the cats got underneath my truck engine right they got in the that cranked it yeah cat got wrecked yeah but we took him to the vet and it turned out to be okay yeah everything turned out good but I was very upset you were upset you're a sensitive guy I am too people don't I am I'm yeah I'm sensitive I've always been that way what's I let's see if I can make you cry go ahead I'll do a real cry okay really just say something and that seems sad or play a song oh he can't play songs is that Billy Joel song yeah let me see if I can play some on the piano get you to cry um I don't have a camera this is good crying music It's not taking I thought that was beautiful it was beautiful but you know what there's a song that I cannot listen to with without crying and I'm I'm not even saying it's a joke but there's a song Twist by Chubby Checker which version uh there was like 20 versions of that song no it's an Elton John song called the greatest discovery and you know all these weird deep cuts from these it's written Through The Eyes of a 2-year-old about the birth of his brother and it's it will blow your mind I can't even talk about Bernie oh here we go I got you well it reminds me of your bit that you used to do at my Tim's Elton John bit house what belon John without birdie topping oh yeah no no uh no the bit was uh it's um Bernie topin without Elton John is that what it is Bernie Bernie this is what he would he would this is so he would write he would this is what Elton John would receive in the mail from from Bernie talpin we have probably no cameras on me huh oh El this is a new one feel free to discard the music good by noral if you ever I never knew you at all and I would have liked to known you but I was just a [Music] kid so good that might have been a coite with a that was great um my go that's it that's it I think that's the Australian Orchestra speaking of crying I another promote promotion here I went to go see Kate Bran's show I'm going uh I'm going next Kate Berlant's show Thursday oh good I hear it's good it's I I love got tickets and everything that's so nice it you would have loved being that this on Sunday night she did like a opening night so many fun friends of ours oh in the same room oh nice it was I don't know you ever like like we've been doing this a while now and is it is it there's people in that in this community that it's so nice to get to see that's right and you don't always get to see everybody all I mean you don't see anybody all the most of the time but you go to some place or event or show and you're like I saw Bob yeah I've seen Bob recently at show yeah it's so nice to it's so great Weinstein is who you're talking about right Dylan no Odin Kirk yeah I I was in a restaurant one time and Bob Oden's brother came up to me B yeah bill yeah yeah I was going to say years ago when I first moved to Los Angeles I found it so clicky and weird and high school and now people have matured out of that it seems and it's so nice yeah do you I do you remember our first How Tim and Zach met encounter uh was it at a bubble tea place is that a boba boba tea yeah uh no uh first encounter yes of course I do Tim go Tom goes the may I remember we got you a um book on goats goats two books on Goat uh cuz I was thinking about you got me a book on Dairy goats cuz I wanted to do that yeah and then another book on Goat uh and read both of them and I decided I can't because you mentioned it and we thought oh that's a like we were very thoughtful at that time not so much anymore I still have those books wow but raising Dairy goats is very difficult so I didn't do it this is this is you this is Zach after two weeks trying if maybe if I was frustrated with him and had a fake gun in my hand doing that yeah Zach did you grow up with animals no I was not I mean I grew up in a small town but not with animals oh you raised by animals no but I when I when Tim came to visit me in North Carolina we had donkeys I think no I think you had goats sheep that's we did have goats for a while and this is Zach's nuts he was trying to make somehow he was trying to make wine from goats I was like ah it doesn't work that way pal got to get you got to do grapes no no he's like he takes me out he goes uh he gets me in one of those Runners and I'm like I'm trying show you I'm going show you how we're going to do wine from goat The Vineyards yeah from goat fur yeah and he's taking me through all these goats I'm like you need grapes pal that's an old myth I love the sound effect is that a sound effect of a grape or a goat well it's both at the same time so do you drink goat milk at at home uh no but in when I go to Greece I drink it for some reason I don't I used to I was drinking it for a while yeah but I don't drink it anymore is it something you have to like get used to In Like A chir Taste kind of thing well you know so feta cheese have you ever had is made out of goat milk yeah Okay now what's goat cheese made out of oh God that's a good question oat milk I don't know uh do you wanted to Tim's favorite Tim Burton movie guess on my Tim Burton yeah it's GNA be it's it's it's um now again I don't really have favorites in life are you a guy that has strong favorites uh not really no it's just like because every it changes all the time so this is sort of open to discussion is it about is it the one where the father tells T fish story fish fish story fish tall fish no it's not the answer I'm looking for I don't know if I I don't know if I have a big problem with that I thought maybe that would be it because it was it's a little not typ his type yes there's a Peter Finch is in that movie Peter Finch okay I've never seen it oh it's my brother I love that movie actually it's my brother's favorite movie actually don't have that much a problem with that my favorite yeah face off but it's not a Tim B no I'm asking I'm asking need to guess what my oh yeah but do you know I'm to guess um okay I think I know I might go Beetle Juice actually beetle juu is great mhm not it not it really well mine is what if we did a two-man show and I Mars did he do Mars that's it oh that's your marsack Mars I've never seen it but I would of course oh well I watched it with my son last night Charlie and he he was very excited to watch it it's really funny I should I should look that look at that and Jack Nicholson he's in it he plays two characters he plays the president and then the swarmy Las Vegas real estate developer guy he's so funny he's got a sturdy eyebrow as well yeah yeah I would put him in that category any thoughts on that movie I bought a a piano in Pennsylvania in Allentown from a guy that owned the the actual ship from Mars Attacks this massive thing in this Warehouse see it's all tied back to that yeah but I don't know you know how the aliens it's really funny like these aliens come and they are some slim Whit Slim Whitman Slim Whitman is the music that eventually spoiler alert eradicates the uh aliens yes but these little disgusting Little Creatures come down with these giant brains you know and they have these I mean they're it's very like cartoony yeah you know and all they say is like and they look real mean and scary and we keep trying to be like oh no they're here to make peace and they come they're going to be it's all going to be good this is a beautiful day they come down just start just blasting killing everybody okay but then they're like that was a mistake let's bring them in like they keep trying to like you know forgive them and say why don't you come to the Congress and speak to Congress and they and they just just just kill every body they kill everybody yeah look at those guys Allen in this movie Tim Allen's not I wish no but he's in a movie in a spaceship movie yes that was supposed to be good too yeah it was uh the the parody of Star Trek oh okay I forget what that's called what's that called Vic with baseballs Galaxy Quest gy that's a good movie I hear I like that these gu characters are so funny these little aliens they're so outrageous no you got Jack Nicholson you've got Michael J fox Sarah Jessica Parker Jack Black uh everybody's in this do does it feel like a Tim Burton movie though I remember seeing it as a kid and not thinking it was I guess it does up to up to par I like that you're going to get out of here yeah he's so bored I've got a heart out but my son he's he's a fan of Jack Black yeah because he does all these you know the kids movies now yeah and I said that's Jack Black Jack Black's like 20 years old in the movie and he he's like a marine with his head shaved and everything wow and my son goes that's Jack Black I go yeah he goes he's a good actor he is a good actor ja black he is a good actor he's a great actor yeah it's a good OBS uh all right let's take another Zoomer I know people want to say hi to Zach oh yeah there you having trouble there yeah it's been a while since I've worked with mics Tom were you can you unmute there you go is it private to talk about your experience in Hawaii what was my experience did you do did you shoot a movie in Hawaii yeah that's not private it's not private okay who's there hello can you hear me okay yeah Life advice for a zoomer it's Tom great well it's awesome to meet all of you I've been a long time listener for like at least five years are you surprised always too afraid to call in I like this guy's Vibe he has a good positive this to him oh thank you you're welcome um but yeah I just wanted to say I'm a huge fan of all of you Zach that live at the Purple Onion special like meant a lot to Young me so thank you for that is that still available oh God is it still I think the first thing I ever streamed on Netflix why are you so ashamed of yeah I I don't I I that's when I used to drink and I was crazy and different version of me but thank you thank you very much Sor no no problem I wanted to call in and ask I'm kind of at a Crossroads in life I'm very strongly considering going to law school and I'm 30 I've had like a successful career and I just I don't really feel fulfilled and you are all people that have kind of followed your dreams and it's really inspiring I think to a lot of people and so I was just wondering like if you had any kind of advice or thoughts on doing something like that do you think the judge is going to take you serious seriously with that that long hair Jud going to throw you right out of the courtroom and those earbuds yeah you're 30 now yes you could be a bayth maybe what kind of law do you want to be what kind of law uh I I'm strongly considering something like immigration law I study Spanish in college yeah and I just I see that becoming more and more relevant as climate change accelerates and so it seems like a place that will need a lot of help I want to do something meaningful to me really well that sounds no no I'm sorry he probably isn't asking me for advice no he's ask of course he is of course um and I don't know why I took that tone with you I mean do you think you would love that I mean to me it's you just want to do what you really like or love and then you don't that's the main thing but when I was your age I mean when I was I was a bus boy at 28 at a strip joint so so it's a yeah don't worry about the age thing if you're feeling like oh God I'm 30 that's that doesn't mean anything I don't think it doesn't at all I'm 67 I just got my driver's license wow and I just got my License to Ill I'm just trying to be relevant I mean that's a long that is a uh that is a noble Pursuit I would think it seems like you're you're approach roaching this decision for Noble reasons you want to do something impactful and helpful to the world I agree mhm now the other thing is what was your name John Tom Tom uh the other thing is is that you want to probably go okay when I'm 70 would I be okay doing this still too because that's the other problem is that you the sustainability of a job is important too and it's 70 working for immigration law seems incredibly fulfilling but what are you giving up now to go to law school you know that's like I mean I I've giving up I guess well paying jobs on mostly only fans but also like Myspace is giving me some money on the side but no it's it's it's just I guess like a very comfortable privileged life that I've had the opportunity to live and I guess it's it's being a little less comfortable yeah baby well what what do you do now that you can be so comfortable you like a web guy Tech Guy uh so worried I'm going to fall fall off a building behind him aren't you you mean like someone jumping yeah you don't have to be jumping they could have tripped right right tripped out the window you might be interested are you a trust fun kid are you a trust fun kid definitely not where are you Jersey I'm in hob yeah oh oh you're at the I used to I stayed at that hotel you're near uh you know where you're near did you ever do Tom uh WFMU yeah yeah I never did it in WFMU oh I did looks like you're standing right there that's Jersey City that's right that's right sorry yeah but but I I I've I've worked hard and everything but i' I've just I've had like a higher paying corporate job uh you know for the past few years doing what is this a lot of like uh working with with Amazon and then also oh man get this [ __ ] guy out of my you know what [ __ ] you I'm just kidding selling on Amazon not for Amazon I'm so sick of these people that use Amazon you ever seen the front you ever seen the front line on on Jeff Bezos no watch it it'll make he's a guy I admire he's a guy this machine we're all feeding yeah is going to is going to bite Us in the ass in the future I I I just adire him I like his wife can we I was going to say can we show the wife yeah the album she doesn't seen much of a show off that's what I like about her humble I saw that article I'm always like thank you man listen I heard you know Atkins you know Atkins program di they do law school now they have an app the Atkins Atkins University I think awesome you think you're not sure I'll check that out makes sense Tom just do what yeah Tom don't worry about money support you we support you in whatever you do I'm like your dad I don't think you should become a lawyer take a leap I don't think I I don't think you should do something because you feel like it's the noble thing to do oh I don't think because well Lizzy is Lizzy in the parking lot before the show was chanting build the wall Build That Wall so I don't know if that's in show me the parking lot she was chaning that too show me the parking lot I think you're going to be bored I think going to be in a similar situation that you're in now while you're preparing to be an attorney are you going to enjoy that process do you think it's it's hard to know maybe I'm putting on that it is definitely hard for me to stay I mean can interested can you can you can you keep working and then and then study at night is that a thing you can do or study at work probably right I mean can you do that like I said Atkins does a pretty a seven we program seven week law maybe but the other thing you consider is that I don't know if the country's interested in laws anymore oh that now you're getting Sal just showed up I would address what you're actually feeling guilty about that you're over compensating it does seem like we're at that place right Zach like law the idea of laws is relative and kind of like pliable to the situation it's pretty [ __ ] dark dark it's dark everything's dark Trump uh well we'll talk about Trump um was that an American woman because we're talking about America but not I don't know I don't know okay there she is and there he is and I'm proud to be an American ah billionaire it's worth it there's that show see if you can show the picture she posted on Instagram for Jeff's birthday oh God he looks like tell savales a little bit oh my God I have to find her name first give give us you think he's had any work done yeah he had all his hair removed I am a young vibrant man God bless uh no I want to talk about Trump's New Hampshire speech this did you watch the Trump um speech that he gave at what he won in New Hampshire no I didn't see very dark well yeah very conf thanks Tom thanks Tom good luck to you sorry Tom go for thank you so much Lizzy says no I like Lizzie coming out a devil's advocate I know I feel like you would be miserable there's a lot of paperwork in being a lawyer that's there's a lot of that yeah that they don't show the in the TV shows in the movies right filing true yeah D believe me I know I know I'm being sued right now by whom oh really well Vick why I'm just practicing my law I haven't I haven't been you know I was a lawyer a while ago just have to catch up now and then were you really a lawyer no no he did this thing that's such a mob move with this uh Nikki Haley where he goes he's like well if she was the nominee they'd be investigating her and they I tell I have five what does he say do you have this clip no yeah this is crazy he's just ad liing everything these are very dishonest people you're always fighting them and just a little note to Nikki she's not going to win she's not going to but if she did she would be under investigation by those people in 15 minutes and I could tell you five reasons why already oh what are they not big reasons oh no a little stuff that she doesn't want to talk about but she will be under investigation within minutes and so would Ron have been but he decided to get he decided to turn a phrase and so would Ron have been per right that sounds a lot like the Santa renovation so Ron has been more like Ron has been can you imagine you know Zach if you don't do my show uh people are going find come if he gets elected he's coming after uh The Comedians next why does it say The Thing text Trump yeah do you see that what happens if you text then you get on their mailing list 50% off at Urban Outfitters they're always selling gold coins during his speeches too oh yeah um all right well did the stamps were they what was he trading card was it Trading Card yeah n i wonder are those are they are they valuable I wonder what they kept their they can't I wonder if they are they must be he put out one recently that had like pieces of the suit that he was wearing when he got indied and he got his mug shot taken like he can buy little pieces of the Great American food uh uh let's take a little break just to use the potty and we now go beyond the pay into we build the wall build the pay wall second half of the show is behind the pay wall you get that no am I is that something I'm supposed to get we're going to show a message from Doug real Video message from Doug quick oh Doug on on the crew let's let's stay tuned I want to see this yeah hi office hours Doug here um miss you guys a lot I just wanted to say I'm sorry uh because I was supposed to have a special video to uh show um but I wasn't able to uh uploaded there's no Wi-fi out here um and hello Jack welcome to office hours I miss you guys a lot and uh can't wait to see you next week my name is Zach huh wait a minute you say Jack yeah my grandmother called me Jack forever oh whoops cool good all right we'll be right back oh sorry bam one of the Break video courtesy of Vic Berger. bill we left barram the best in the world the biggest we left it to China and who is occupying it now China Never Cry marijuana don't try it at all it's a lie it's like beating your head on a wall say no way marijuana's a fast way to fall it's do when you no good at all and you know if you gamble with life you can lose it got to grow cuz your life is a gift don't abuse it and you know if you gamble with life you can lose it got to grow cuz your life is a gift don't abuse it [Applause] [Music] [Applause] oh never try marijuana don't try it at all it's a li it's like feeding your head on a wall say no way marijuana's the fast way to fall you don't P cuz it's doing you no good at all and you know if you gamble with life you can lose it got to grow [Applause] cuz your life is a gift don't abuse it and you [Applause] know if you gamble with life you can lose it got to grow cuz your life is a gift don't abuse it a lot of people think that marijuana isn't dangerous but they're wrong because not only does it harm a person's body and mind but it often leads users to try other even more dangerous drugs and you know if you gamble with life you can lose it got to grow cuz your life is a gift don't abuse it and you know if you gamble with life you can lose it got to grow cuz your life is a gift don't abuse it oh