LOVE IS THE AUTHOR PODCAST | EP. 47 - Juliette Lewis

you ready do I need to count or just clap okay thank you wait it didn't go it wasn't good ah there it is I love a clap too many okay sorry I nail my own high five it was off that's going to be so fun for the editor you know when you're high five it didn't get nailed oh you got to do it right you got to stop and do it right yep redo all right well I want to I want to start cool by saying oh yes uh I want to start by saying that on a somewhat serious and yet not serious tone of that I feel a great I want to tell you how I feel okay let me turn this phone off so we don't get advertised or all the things that it's been doing since I've upgraded it it's gone insane advertising I don't know they supercharg their spy wear I refuse to get these new iPhones they're up to 17 we can't stop them I think it's iPhone 17 right no this is like from years ago but they'll have yeah mine too all right so yes I feel a responsibility okay it's one that I like and I'm also I feel completely free to be myself the responsibility is that you are choosing me at this moment to share yourself I know ter I was going to say it's terrible it's terrifying because I was like what have I done okay but go on we're here okay well why did I choose to talk and be vulnerable all right okay so so checking in about that that that's on my radar and at the same time I having an attitude of like being responsible for anything really in this universe outside of my own actions is like I've learned about it and so I can completely be myself here but leading up to this moment I'm walking around in the grass and I'm working my Mala meaning I'm just you know thumbing through and I'm sort of chanting with the Divine and to bring myself back into zero oh yeah you know just I'm about to meet somebody who I've admired for so long and and and so I need to go back to zero because this could be a big moment if I let it okay it is a big moment but but I don't want that to get in the way of being myself yeah and so I'm walking around the grass and I'm doing that and I'm I'm getting back into the moment and then I think the thought comes you're in the moment now and one of your next moments is sitting with Juliet Lewis who you appreciate so much and that's a very psychedelic experience to go from zero to Juliet Lewis for me tell me about it you've had to do a lot of work in regards right no but you said a few things in your language that I have to that I really like and have to understand first of all I use I wouldn't know how to explain I'm sort of uh I was going to say bastardized spiritualism I'm just making that up I don't know but or or you know I I pull in a lot but not book read about it right so I had this term of called zeroing out is that right yeah maybe jackpot or which like ding ding ding ding you're or or when you're at your bottom and you know all the things the teachers talk about and then you have enough wherewithal to get yourself out of the mud so but I've always played with this term zeroing out but I like it in a more just daily practice Yeah well because there's other language I use in programs of like right being right size to me that's that's starting at zero like get and just like feets on the feet on the ground that's right that's what I'm getting what that means and then you said Mala what is mala that's one of these yes you referred to this yes and and it's well it can be used in different Traditions but I'm I'm a practicing Tibetan Buddhist and this isn't an advertisement for Tibetan Buddhism at all but that's just my thing so the beads are called Mala it's it's Mala yeah they're Mala beads and and there's 108 and it's one for every lifetime it's said for the Buddha have had before he became the Buddha oh the 108th one was the the lifetime oh my gosh this just made me go ding ding ding cuz if you get into numbers yes 1+ 8 is nine I'll tell you a fun story cuz my license plate oh but I can't tell people what my license plate is L they arrive right at my home um no uh but dealing with the numbers nine I um had run into someone who knew about numbers and I the point is I lost my father six years I don't remember maybe it's longer yeah I just read but it always feels like last year that's it um but I got I fell in love with a machine with a muscle car like some people fall in love with machine I got that feeling where you're excited to wake up in the morning and turn that engine and um one day I was driving down the road uh weeping and I'm like what is happening this is a visceral experience with the engine the freedom and speed and I went oh oh it's in my cell cellular DNA cuz my dad don't judge him but used to street race with me in the car at 9: I mean it explains a lot my parents are amazing um would you say his name because Jeffrey LS thank you thank you I just whenever we're speaking about people who were pasted I I like to get the name invol Jeffrey Lewis yeah oh yeah he's very important to me but anyway my license plate it came in the mail after I was like oh yeah this comes from oh there's this cute bird who's listening in the podcast as well I'm sure they this one comes often like oh they're doing another podcast it's so funny um but the so I was like what is this oh from childhood I'd be in napping he had this supercharged Dotson and I'm just sleeping he'd take one of us kids on his errands and then he'd go you know Z to 80 that was a rad car that was a rad car that and was it a um 240s but he had a Chevy engine oh wow this is now stuff I understand what that means now but he used to Parrot off this stuff about his car like wow Dad this is a real machine but no wonder I go I'm a lot into well excitement adrenaline because my dad was fun in this way anyway yeah my license plate came and it says Dad in it and then then some nine numbers that's good I think about New Beginnings or endings and Beginnings great oh wow yeah is that so nine after like the infinite like a yeah I don't know about it someone was just saying oh that's the end of a cycle I Googled it and I was like yeah that's seems about right yeah that's amazing yeah is there you know is there anything anyway you said 108 to your malab beads so I was like oh maybe was that guy what's it a Buddhist uh Propet I don't do they have Prophet I forget what their lingo is you know what their whole thing is and once again I promise I'm not trying to sell this it's okay it's truth and all the things the whole thing is the philosophy is that there that nothing really is here and so since everything is here while nothing's really here we might as well take it we might as well live and really live and be present for this unfolding beautiful phenomena on top of everything being nothing really scientifically no I can get into this yeah today cuz I literally was leaving a message from my sister saying you know what my new mantra is none of this matters yeah nothing matters however that can't be an umbrella for purposelessness it was all the the Riff Raff all the like prickly all the human little dramas that they invent daily I was like this doesn't matter but I go into like like cuz we're all going to die and you know when you're on your death that's you're not thinking about and then so and so said and then they were doing and then you know what I said no one's thinking about that on their death bed no not at all and and I think to talk about spirituality in that way and sort of like how how I'm I pick from all the different um offerings also you know and uh even though I've picked one path that I kind of have as a primary um it's one that allows me to love all and uh and it looks really practical and simple like um astute even and and plain but it believes in all this rainbow [ __ ] yes and I kind of like that you know the magic I like that too and I had read one thing and then when we're done with this maybe you can give me a Buddhist book for dummies did they create such a book uh um no layman's terms but I did like this whole concept which is the trip I'm finally on more of it is to sit with with suffering to you know the Observer be a witness to all of that the Detachment wow so I can't believe we've been brought together at this time in that way because that's that's something that is a primary focus of mine and and in teaching also and I I'm not trying to be a teacher here today I want but but I'm trying to be I'm always a student yeah exactly me too perfect uh you know I guess so I feel that responsibility and at the same time I'm I I feel like being my myself and I think you know of the extraordinariness of of having watched you from a very early age including like The Wonder Years which I remember you from oh and I've since gone back even in my 20s I think and and watched those episodes and but acting for you you came into an acting family your father was an actor for for decades and and uh really amazing um resume of like being in kind of everything um and what is that what you wanted to do when you were young I mean did you Aspire then or did it find you later on uh I didn't know the um industry aspect of it the line of work nness of it I only knew so when I was younger and that means 7 8 9 10 11 I'd go I was in like musical workshops not Qui theater although we did a couple plays and it involved everything so I I took dance and singing and um and I loved characters I was always deeply a people Watcher always from Little uhuh little on and I did you do impressions of people no not Impressions but I would perceive now I learned later when they're batting these terms around um what's it called an empath M it's like no wonder about it sou yeah so you're feeling the awkwardness so I would glean um what it's basically people behave how they people I would watch how people wear their energy Pockets how they hold their shoulders how they walk walk on their toes walk lowered in their hip I could sort of so that's why in my work it's super Behavior oriented yes and then also I was really deep into the um what people are concealing reveal and conceal now I'm not trained in acting and there is some language for the things I intuitively did yeah cuz I've sat in on Friends acting classes um you have no formal training um no that's amazing no formal training I when I was 11 I did a what's called a cold reading workshop with a lady in her backyard much like this on and I was just starting to have a nice time like wow this is fun cuz IID look over and she was weeping when I was reading something wow and um and it's a sad story I show and she had died on the third that was my first taste of death I was like wow you know I knocked on the door of my dad when I'm ready for class she's she died and he took me to take have an Orange Julius Hollywood Boulevard he didn't say anything you know how dads are from that time I she died yeah what are you going to say let's go get orange Julie yeah yeah it's just like how to make you feel a little bit more comfortable right um but anyway that was no I'm not academically trained and were like emancipated at 14 I read and so did that mean that school ended then all that meant and I always had to tell this to Media because they always make things I'm writing this script that's um I call it an exaggeration of themes of what I went through but there is one scene of how you can take a truth and make it a lie um I'll give you an example but anyway a mancipation says you divorce your parents yeah but it was with my parents' help they emancipated me from child labor laws oh wow with their help because I was acting by then ironically acting professionally as a teenager actually kept me out of trouble I was always curious about trouble holy [ __ ] that's wild that is wild and your parents helped and so they know that this is the the way of the business to be that available to succeed well it's not even it wasn't even something they made up it was very common when like Uma Thurman was emancipated all these other it was like you were going to if that was on a piece of paper you were going to get the job more than the other person gotcha um it was real common place but in the in a normal society it only comes off because there was a a famous story I think with a boy who his parents were not uh nice yeah so it's not controversial it's more it was a career move I mean not career move that sounds S I know we weren't even career oriented it was just sort of what I was doing at that time it was like paperwork stuff gotcha but yeah but it no I'm making it really casual when my parents were pretty radical and super Bohemian super pro art yeah um anti-authority so I don't think they really thought much of public schooling like in hindsight would I have wanted to take Greek mythology or theology or more learn more about the poets yeah but the good news is I can do that I've done somewhat of it on my own time yeah that's great that's great yeah I got my GED to answer your question oh you did at 15 oh at 15 m i I mean I'm similarly I didn't finish well I didn't finish High School I ran away and and uh you did the run away i i r you ran away and stayed away I ran away and stayed away and I never went back to school and I have no education at all and outside of grade oh okay you made it to 11 yeah but it's so weird because let's not advertise muscle there's coffee in here this is me recycling um okay no but you know I I found that like that that leaving at that time and staying away there was just some things that I had to figure out and what's weird is that the more I've become a conscious being The more I've unlocked the education that actually I did absorb when I was younger isn't that weird it's like you're smart all the sudden as you start emptying out yes and it's like the information is there and it's like wow God I actually write things well and that's wild yeah you had that experience well I joke I'll mention my sister often cuz she's sort of completes me as a person but uh we always sh U I share we share stories but just the other day I was going I where I find that words will drop down that I've never used before but fit the sentence yes like I might be pronouncing this wrong but I had for the first time used assuage you canu something I was like don't know if I'm using it right but this the first time it's dropping down for this situ but that happens often yeah and I don't think it's the the big Labowski thing that happens in that movie where he'll be out somewhere and somebody he'll hear somebody use a phrase and then he'll go he'll he'll be in some situation next and then he'll try and use it and it's from the last scene where he heard somebody use it and it's seeing how we do that a lot of people do that now with podcast information wait Jeff Bridges character does this yes he just there's so much in that movie that I'm still stuck on the trio of friends and the ashes but I need to look at it just for that part oh that's so funny cute where where they dump the ashes I got in a car accident the other day and I thought of that scene I'm fine everything's fine but but uh it was funny it was funny because that's I thought of that exact scene where the dump in the ashes cuz he says Leo Kio in that movie and it's right there and I'm like God movie has movies have such an imprint on me yeah I think I studied I don't think I studied people as much as I studied the people on TV oh okay but very much a people studier also I wanted to be uh older in every way oh when I was younger I just wanted to be able to talk with them and like and know the jokes and oh I would watch Saturday Night Live like at a young age like 12 just laughing at jokes that I didn't understand but I was obsessed about entertainment and what it could show me as a teacher I think I've never put it that way but that's really what it was and so entertainment became like a a pursuit of mine um that's neat but an escape is that a um my brother was glued to the TV for different than all of us but loved pop culture he's like an encyclopedia yes I think it was that I thought that if I knew things it could make up for the fact that I wasn't doing well in school it could make up for the non-education that I had and so if I knew pop culture stuff I could at least like relate and maybe people would want to be friends or that type of thing you can be relevant if you can make people laugh or you can write a song and maybe people want to play with you yeah [ __ ] like that and so it ended up being great you know but you talk about growing up you know I just want to go straight to your F your first big role which is one of my favorites in Cape Fear oh yeah it's Cape here yeah I sorry I get distracted by birds and all flying things and we are outside we can take a bird a dog head too I think that's a positive but I'm like the birds where are they going there's a a red tail hawk nest in this tree here oh so two of them fly around there was one that swooped really low here before you got here that's neat and I thought however many bird interruptions happen today I welcome it okay yeah so please let me know when you see a good one that's cool and what does the 1261 mean or do you care to explain this oh no sure I'll explain anything um it's the address of the house that I grew up in oh and my parents had to sell it and at a certain point and a lot of my memories formative memories are there and in every degree you know and so I just got it with my brother when they sold the house that's beautiful yeah do you have a place like that yes no our childhood home in Tarzana yeah I wanted to buy but it was so renovated it's unrecognizable it's a second story we grew up in like a ram shackly little ranch and now they're I guess you call them mcmansions or something and um yeah I wanted to I had that fantasy of like buying the home anyway I forgot the numbers my brother's good with numbers I think it's 1240 okay anyway no so you're so so I'm 15 I think when I see this movie and and you're 18 acting in it yeah and you seemed like me I mean you see it was somebody who was my age and I'm yeah and I'm watching this person act who I'm also watching them listen to Guns and Roses lies in their bedroom was that it was patience itti pretty cool they Ed that song isn't it [ __ ] cool yeah did you have anything to do with it no here's what's funny is as I've looked back like when I did my band and stuff but a lot of my movies and roles are associated with music um and that's just sort of luck of the draw and and and real zeit guys stuff oh my God natural killers that soundtrack is just out of this world with 9in nails I think Trent put the whole thing together yeah I was just saying that the other day he cated that whole thing yeah yeah um I was obsessed with that soundtrack it was so special yeah and you're you're you might as well be Patty Smith in it I mean you you have your own songs in that from from the film of course but having it all put together in one Oliver Stone is who introduced me to Patty Smith first time ever heard that in incredible artist's name and her songs um Leonard Cohen yeah he hit to that he was deep into using music for film but um yeah so cap fear I had no I just knew it was of the time God what a trip of a life cuz now I know all these people and I didn't you know it's only in hindsight because at the time you're just puzzle pieces yeah in this sort of this artist tapestry and then in hindsight like I've been to I know all these guys concerts and you're sort of comrades in in various ways Jan's addictions even in the bedroom that's right yeah Ben Cott steing is on is the video and and in the background you're listening to guns and& Rose's patience but you're watching Jane's Addiction yes and then and and natural killer is um nothing shocking or sex violence whatever they used to use natural Killers to open that song for a time there's stuff cuz I was in my own head through my '90s yeah that I didn't even know I was incorporated into the fabric ofe the culture you know what I mean you don't know I don't know that oh you're an absolute goddess of that era I mean like thrift Thrift have done that information I mean the riot Girl Movement I feel like got a boost from your role in Natural Born Killers you know like it was like women were being represented well I'm getting ahead of myself I want to talk about that I'll tell you my intentions with that I was very aware of intending something with that role holy [ __ ] Kate fear so this is what I noticed about Kate fear watching it recently yes you and this makes sense about your you said my my roles have been like um I don't know how you describe it you said like physical or or um yeah always phys I well I just become a complete person yeah from the toes up that's my always my intention amazing well at at that young age you it's crazy how you are nailing this sort of like I'm going is this just her natural away or was she like really embodying this sort of like loose limbered sort of putting it on yeah yeah so people didn't give me credit I mean at the time that's not a chip it's just a fact yeah nobody gave me credit that I they what was said at the time a lot and it's not said now was wow how did he find that girl sces how did he find someone like that just that it it wasn't do you understand he created it oh gota and that happened that happens I don't know if it'll you know there's gender stuff in there oh but it was said a lot that or still get said that they got that performance out of her the male took the the lead in how she was gave that performance out like I I credit Scorsese with giving me I say my creative Wings oh for sure I had no I was in here about it and then until I had someone of of his enthusiasm and power and pres Wonder just a beautiful artist loving artist yeah that's great to hear he gave me the floor and and the runway but he actually had a very light touch with instruction like he didn't he he he knew uh he help me cultivate my instincts wonderful which was huge and necessary at the time it's it's necessary for all artists so he was instrumental in me in inv validating my instincts that's incredible but not a lot of instruction right you know so but that was the media saying like having this narrative about like oh look at what he's done now he's found this great yeah they found her it was a neat story though all about it cuz he did look at like 500 girls for the part and I read that today and I was like I wanted to ask you yeah I wanted to ask if that was cuz that was the legend of it and so that even furthers the point I mean after 500 to choose you and that you in that role now thinking about it when you come on screen it's so insanely vulnerable it bleeds vulnerability and and I thought at the time I'm thinking like this person's a natural like like my age like oh wow it's just so real but now I look at it and I go that was acting and I think about your later roles you know which I I you know we'll we'll get to those at some point but like the other sister where you know it's a such a physical situation and all of there's a physicality in your work especially in Natural Born Killers after that yeah uh well I guess let's say let's see I didn't mean to say I mean there are I guess Juliet isms in whatever I do I don't know um cuz you can't I always want to be something entirely different but I am how I am but uh to your point let's see wait that I oh it's you have to I'm understand I have to understand I had to understand the girl the vulnerability I had to understand why is she being seduced yeah and and how right why and how and what is that for her cuz for her I also remember remember they the writings was so I don't read uh hype good bad reviews but at the time they would uh my manag you know they'd show me review and gosh it's used to distress me so much CU they you know they're that's their job to write big think pieces but I don't think in that way cuz I'm thinking in energy yeah and intuiting so it's much more simple but I did have an understanding of it's just a young girl who she's being listened to yes so cuz they were like the burgeoning sexuality blah blah blah and it's like she's not right that's how you manipulate that you listen and listen and make them feel important important and in their home they're being invalidated so it's quite easy to set the table for disaster in that uh way but I as a young girl had to have a deep understanding toward all these things to play it yeah and so that's what I mean about acting and I wasn't just that girl right that's amazing yeah but all the like Loosey Goosey thing was quite deliberate cuz I it was also my way to um go against feeling stilted or uncomfortable if if I'm playing someone who's um putting that on which is sort teen teen like but you have to understand before that I I was in sitcoms where they didn't want me to act natural and so it was it wasn't until Marty was like yes like oh I'm doing something correctly because before that they hired an acting teacher It's the funniest story is it tell it yeah oh I was doing a sitcom in the 80s I was going to give it acting up at 16 wait what was the sitcom I know this one it's called a family for Joe oh no I don't no one knows it um and I they were they want like more energy and smile and and you stand by the couch and gee dad and you know all this like really bad and I would behave natur like my peers yeah and they didn't like that they wanted all that waxed you know the ' 80s sitcom acting and so I was like rebelling and I was like wow maybe this world isn't for me yeah and then I audition well I did this movie the week with Brad Pit which led to his success and then my success right in um it was like a a lifetime movie was it yeah yeah totally melodramatic but gave both of us a chance to do intense drama and he had come from a a soap opera I think it was Dallas yeah oh trip sure he came from a soap I came from like a sitcom in the 80s had he done thelman Louise yet no then he did thelman Louise and then I did K they were within six months of each other wild did did I won't ask you too I won't ask too much about about that that's been that's respectful cuz that's people lean in on it but for me it's just a friend that you went through we lost our anonymity together so it's like this very big turning curve in both our lives within a threee we're together for three years so prior to that we're just like little hustling working actors right um we came from to give you an example um the movie movie of the week we did we were in cubicle dressing rooms they're the dressing rooms that now background act performers get but they're the size of a bathroom and ours it was 1989 so there was like a wooden uh thing yeah one of those yeah yeah anyway those were our dressing rooms and I used to play The Beatles she's so heavy oh my God what a song yeah and anyway do you know they recorded that song The Guitar of that song how heavy that that B it's multi-layered in a closet in a small space just like what you're talking about you loved that song and played it there massive it's so massive they put like it in a corner in a closet and then just layered it over and over again is what I've heard about that I can hear that yeah it's massive it's like metal is born yes you know cuz it's not cuz you know sometimes when you don't know music very you're like is that the power of the Riff or the power of the sonics and it's both but the sonics now you explain it yeah cuz it goes from like to yeah what you know what I want to say about Cape Fear there's a there's a scene also where you get yelled at by Nick Noti and it it it's a quick turn and yeah and and and I I heard Anthony Hopkins give a talk once about sort of like the the dangers of of taking on a role because it inhabits you and if you aren't careful of the exchange of of of of of parting ways with it parts of it can stay with you and I thought about the impact of scenes like the scene where he's yelling at you I go how does she as an actress not absorb that and trust you know or how does her body not keep the score yeah well here's what's funny well I know the quick answer to that is cuz I I lived a life nobody would have a clue of prior to that movie that that's not the scariest thing that's ever gone down is a guy pretending to be a father and yell yelling at you well I pressed his hand that's true you know he's being mindful he's not really hurting me but and I I don't mean but I just I I like I said I just had I'd run with a tough group of people um prior to uh working like I could have I could have turned into a criminal of sorts got I don't know what crime I would do but I mean I did steal a car oh nice not not I'm not boasting the keys were in the ignition come on we all done stuff yeah no I was an [ __ ] and irresponsible I was a teenager I digress my point is um that when you're when you think you know I had an attraction to drama so but only when you grow a little you're like oh no I don't want that in my life right right God how awful yeah let's tell stories right um about Humanity the depths of that's right so that's where that maturity comes in um but now here's the irony of your statement is now I'm really I'm even more sensitive to the energy that I'm Conjuring mhm so I look at some of my peers or even younger actors to play oh wait look at I'm conditioned to let the motorcycle yeah yeah you know what at one time an owl was uh was in a tree and it was doing its sound and then a loud truck went by and it stopped and then and then when it passed it came it started again and I was like that's a teaching like maybe we should just not compete with something that's that's not that's man-made that's come into a natural situation let it pass and and have our continuity oh that's cute yeah what do you think that Al he was just like just like I'm not competing with man-made noise we've been here forever doing this thing like I'll wait till you pass yeah yeah well mine was a conditioning that we're filming CU if the people at home don't know you when there's loud sounds it messes up the acting take oh and you'd have to then do voiceovers right um so your condition like ah there's an airplane they usually say cut oh gotcha or you could be emoting and crying and if you know if there's an airplane you're like oh [ __ ] I'm going to have to do voice over on these lines what a pain in the ass because in the edit it's not consistent anyway the whole thing oh thank you for that Peak into that that sounds really tough it is it's funny it's one of those autopilot you learn through the job is this nice to just like incorporate it into the thing and just have it be exist yeah well I sensitive to sounds well now we're talking about so so I look at peers or people playing real life serial killers or something like that I don't know that I would want to lean into that yeah at this time but when you're younger you're like oh yeah I'm GNA well even Natural Born Killers which was was an amalgamation of we used famous uh serial female killers there weren't that many to um to pull from in their savagery do you remember any examples yeah at that time is Eileen Waris oh um you won't see mallerie she's just a madeup right sure sing I'm more I get into the animal kingdom where I get my resources nice and Jimmy Hendrick Voodoo Child Slight Return if you want to see what influenced Valerie Knox oh I feel like I've been Zapped by God knowing that I mean honestly I listen to Jimmy Hendricks voodo house um and killing floor for one month every day wow and there's every Bend of his guitar took for me took me into the story of the Jungle and savagery and darkness and despair and it turns out there's so much going on and his guitar playing yes in Voodoo Child that is to me the origin story of mallerie Knox wow nobody knows [ __ ] that is the best I'm OB oh I can't believe that now it all makes sense your your your movements in that but when it goes ding of he goes down but it's like Ding and it slowly pulls you in like a sedu I'm thinking about your dance scene in the beginning and it's like to me oh my God I got goosebumps it to me it's like bombs dropping it's so so much Darkness y he's taking you right into the savagery of the jungles yes yeah well it's it's such a interesting response from Cape Fear because you know the scene that of course I don't know I mean the the the scene in that movie that you're involved in where he's seducing you you at a certain point it gets revealed to you that he is that he's not not a good guy he's not the Drama teacher yeah yes and and you go okay and you start to put it together and you watch The Arc of you going from this completely vulnerable place where somebody is listening to you to like oh my gosh maybe I'm in danger yes and you can see it slowly you can see it in your expressions and then right at the tail end of it you start to cry because you go are you going to hurt me and I'm like how did she know how how can you even explain to that well here in their scene which is a 9 Minute scene um I was told cuz that's really rare in movies so it is very much like a little mini playay yes that scene um and that was great because he's still making it safe for her say for her she doesn't the crying or the full revelation of his possible evil is later in when the parents say oh no oh no no you're right sorry the killing of my mom's dog yes you're like yes and you killed right our dog he has to convince her no he didn't no he didn't so he shakes the ground that's but that's her only reference of that he's possibly an evil guy is yeah you killed our dog he doesn't she doesn't know the darkness that's the danger of yes that's the danger of not communicating with your kids or not listening to them and involving them because then scary stuff the thing that they don't want to have happen happens because they haven't they haven't involved her yeah wow they didn't involve her yes and so so you you go to that place and once you're convinced that that he he didn't hurt the dog and up until that point also it's weird because like he sort of represents Karma just in this way of like hey what you did back then has come back to get you and and it's kind of Relentless and it's learned your game it's learned how to be a lawyer and it's learned how to do things like honest but then in the dark which we're not seeing so much these bad things are happening but up until that point it's kind of like a karmic lesson yeah but then when the dog gets killed and you know and and then well anyway so this scene yeah then it it goes into a kiss and I feel like here's the crazy thing a kiss and and of course the his thumb his thumb so but when that happened I felt like looking at it this last week watching it again for the however many time yeah I I watched it and and I saw that I was like this is the first big big movie and it's the first time she's been listened to by a director and and she's giving up so much in this scene and it's like this incredibly vulnerable moment that gets followed up by mallerie Knox yes which is [ __ ] amazing it's almost like a response I was just going to say I you keep talking the call and answer a call there's a call and answer a lot in my work or just flip-flop like oh you think this here's this yeah however so after natural and Killers I did this Steve Martin Nora Effron directed comedy that's right with Adam Sandler but it didn't hit it didn't become success ESS F what is that mix nuts yes that's right so some people know of it but it's that was a deliberate thing on my part because I come from a character actor my dad didn't like advise me but I guess I loved this idea of I love characters so I don't like being um you know oh now we know what she is she's an innocent anenu oh she's a crazy girl she's [ __ ] scary prone to violence and like oh now comedy but my the comedy's they didn't really hit so so I I did comedy later well it's fun you ended up in a classic yeah you ended up you ended up in that classic and that to a couple yeah there was that was my finally my opportunity to do comedy because for a whole long stretch I was only associated with really serious stuff which is awesome but but not one killers in particular I think it's scared the be Jesus out of a few people can we geek out on that film yes sorry I have a leftover cold disg no no it's not at all you know getting a text from you this past week when I I was kind of trying to do a little tease with people and and because I just watched Natural Born Killers again also oh and so I posted that little clip of you and it's you saying at the end of the film which you told me right afterwards you had ponia walking pneumonia but you're going like they're going to think that it's orchestrated or that there was something uh you know that that we're behind it or whatever but it's just fate and I was I was I was doing that because you're in my story when I when I uh interviewed Jim James and that kind of like started this conversation with you and I like right after I finished the interview I was taking my dog for a walk and you were at the crosswalk you stopped for me as I'm crossing at the crosswalk and I thought that's [ __ ] wild that this would all you know a crosswalk situation that point would lead you know to the next day is when we began communicating yeah you know anyway well there's two points to that and I don't want to reveal maybe everyone knows where you live exist not the house no yeah but there's a magic there's a magic in spaces but it's several things because people I think people can be open to symbolism and Magic anywhere they are but then there's also epicenters of Magness is that what brought you here huh yeah I feel I feel that very much here well I've found like so not just stopping for you and seeing this but also you have to open yourself to it because I've had closed days where I'm here and just going along and I have to remind myself of be to be in flow I've been using this I want to be in flow Universe flow or alignment once you join or be open to that messaging system or but I found for me I'm in a a place and time that I can do that more yeah I'm less jammed up one in a city I feel so jammed up in a city it's insane and then also workwise can jam you up when you over um schedule yourself which i' I'd done too much of oh yeah and I'm not done now how long you been here two years oh great wow I can't believe I just I've I think I've been seeing you around and not approaching respectfully because I'm in that flow now of like of uh you know the my whole life I I thought that other people had the invitation oh and and and so I looked for the invitation everywhere the signs and I was hypervigilant I was I was scared that I was going to miss a sign and so I paid attention to everything thinking that it was outside of myself and then finally I real like at a certain point I just realized hey maybe you're the party and and you have the invitations you know and so I switched that in my Consciousness maybe I don't know um six months ago or something like that and yeah this is an imitation for me yeah to my first podcast maybe I did I don't even remember I just know since podcasting has been a thing yeah I've been asked I've not done podcasting wow and then I but I did your this for the idea of um unpressurized discourse actually like giving maybe have something wow of Interest I don't often think yes way yes for sure but anyway wait how did you inter oh how'd you interview Jim James is that his real name that's his real that's two first names no he's Jim wichester okay yeah oh no Jim James was a solo record Jim James is his name but I mean it's what he goes by but I think it's Jim James Winchester fully that's neat yeah okay well I have this record of his his solo record that I've listen to endlessly I always return to it it's there's a song on it called here in spirit yes amazing song so beautiful and I love how it was produced to oh totally okay so how did you get this interview he's neat you know the the crazy story is that I I made friends with another one of my heroes I made friends with somebody who I looked up to musically this guy dendra Banhart yes and and I was just a fan from a distance and then he took interest in what I was doing and then at a certain point uh I think he had like a a psychedelic trip yeah I read that I think yeah yeah and he across the sky it said support Jamie and so he's been since feeding me uh you know some of his friends and but but they also don't don't just say yes yeah like I have to uh be me you know and and so that's how that happened and that was an absolute to have this follow anyway is just insane because you're two of my favorite people and of all time um wow you know your art and your offerings and so back to I guess we'll go back to Natural Born Killers because because I I honestly feel as far as I'm concerned as far as movies are concerned that it is one of the most ambitious films um ambitious is a good word and it's satirical it Sati something that is now a reality yes which which is our obsession with True Crime and uh the obsession with serial killers and it's that movie kind of prophesized it in almost like a TRL kind of like saying our Fascination is almost like you know it it mixed the the fascination of musician like fandom with the serial killers which is kind of what's kind of on some level happened like people do go home and worship murder they worship serial killers by watching these shows not worship them but but give attention to these stories over and over again so it really tapped into that 30 years ago and Visually what was neat about what Oliver was doing this is neat because we're actually I'm doing an interview about it coming up um I I just adore Oliver Stone and we've become sort of distant little like Mutual supports in these latter years um just sung his Praises for what what he gave me at that particular time because that set and what I mean by that because you had scorsi who I feel like anointed me sort of like and you are I am you know I am something that is a thing that knows their thing and is doing and then um Oliver Stone upped the auntie in my craft by saying if you're down bring it I want to see everything you got come to the stage wow that's so empowering that's incredible yeah to come from sitcom to Scorsese where it's like hey do your thing and now it's like I want to see everything yeah yeah cuz his whole thing is he just wanted all your ideas he wanted all your creativity which is very rare I've learned in hindsight with alliver or just in general to on jobs some people are scared of creativity some people want robot just follow I hate more particularly in television they they're um wanting to um well it's a writer's medium that's fine but if you're not allowed to pop it off page it's like go to go to robot acting that's a whole school you can find that I I like to make something come alive in a way you never imagined but honor honor the text right so it's not like just revolting right um but I worked with people where it's it's so collaborative yes not to be confused with time consuming because in in my in Show Business they're terrified of like taking too much time I've worked on sets where you had to get it first take third take so it's not even wow the 70s where you hear about Copa or being off on an island for three months I don't know the stories but that's what I think the business sorry I'm on a little keep going diet TR but at the business in the top they think creativity is equal to waste or wasting money or something and it's like no if you supported the artist you'd get your stuff done much quicker it's it's this other stuff I I could go on no that was amazing to hear your your thoughts on that but so notor and Killers he um like what's the prep what how do Oliver was amazing so even in the prep it's like those were the days too I love saying I'm of an age now where I where I can say in my time you know in my day well because I just did a movie that was 20 days I'm like who would make a movie in 20 days that's not even a movie but okay good luck you hired me I I don't know we're going to give it a go okay um so that's where I was like in my day it was 3 months not killer Kate fear was three to four months uh non killer is three months I think how do you even do that movie in three months do you have do does he just have an insane amount of people working on that I mean the layers and text think several what takes a lot of time is it's well it's the prep but it's the locations and it's the ambition of location we were in all over New Mexico Albuquerque Santa Fe was that an active prison Winslow Arizona oh yeah and then the prison so then we would go to Chicago and then we were outside in St Joliet Illinois oh [ __ ] um I learned a lot about prisons and that there's three at that time of the most violent housing the most violent prisoners and that was one of the three and um wow they're funny I remember when we orientation to the prison before we were shooting it was me I think seore harelson and Robert Downey so just little me I was Tiny you know I'm 19 and you had to get a dress code don't D you know dress very don't wear a dress yeah but it just so you have to wear baggy clothes they give you how you need to dress when you're going to walk through that prison and then the wardens had a box of like Shanks and homemade weaponry and he's like this is our and I remember him showboating this is our weapons the Contraband yeah yeah our Contraband and this the Contraband they have over at blah blah blah prison is blah blah blah like he was like showing comparing like ours is way more hardcore than theirs and there were like mini guns out of uh pens oh my God anyway what's my point it was a long shoot what we did to prep I learned I had never shot a gun in my life yeah I'm not everything I did in that is convincing you that I'm that I I was terrified of shooting shooting guns the first time I shot a gun was with a exmilitary man Sergeant um there were we we took the instruments apart like we learned all about guns super safe that was the irony is that set for as wild as everyone's known to be or whatever that set is I know the real deal was hard work yeah um it was very safe huh uh cuz you had people it wasn't Gunplay like that's not how we thought of it right um but anyway I had to the first time I shot a gun he told me all about it we took it we this everything about it and then it was came time to pull the trigger and I involuntarily started weeping um just un control just like like it cuz it was so scary and I knew it was a killing machine and um and the sergeant his name was Dale die he puts it he's like I think I human like female emotion was scarier to him than being on a war zone cuz he like put his arm he's like it's okay kid you're right kid the stiffest and like and it was so awkward I was like wow you better stop crying cuz this guy you're really making him uncomfortable you're so sad yeah I had never seen someone so awward that's that empath yes you were in that moment feeling his stuff scared of the machine and then this guy trying to cumt me I was like oh you better get it together this guy's so uncomfortable right right I shot a gun a shotgun for the first time last year and I can't even believe shotgun no shotgun those are terrifying in the desert and and it was I can't believe that someone could think to point that in the direction of a human after you shoot one yeah the sheer lightning Force yeah that Trav through it's so powerful it's just like it's insane to think about that we ever Point those at people so I totally get the sensitivity around it and I'm glad that I had the experience so I can know yeah and it's it's shocking it's shocking that that that this has been used to destroy people for as long as it has the the Force and and that's been allowed on some level even though I I'm I'm not you know everybody should have guns do whatever the [ __ ] you know no I'm with you but I'm just Pro responsibility and educ yeah it's all energy like you've been talking about through acting and it's the same thing with energies of life like this is a powerful force of an energy in life to to call normal yeah you know that's all Yes um so we did a lot of gun training and I have shot every kind of gun you you could think of um I had nickname you know a spray gun which I believe is the AK47 I don't know the names of them I just know we had a whole obstacle course um we pulled them all apart mind you this is 25 years ago so um but I do remember the day we had to do this obstacle course and pick up we weapons and I the shotgun was too big for me because I was so I was little or more petite than I am now and so I used the hip shotgun that's all I call them had to shoot a saw off shotgun you know all these things and I had to really what it taught me is I had to really get in control of that first fear and also of machines that I thought were more powerful than me wow yeah and um so that was one part of the training yeah I bet and there's the sirens yeah Playing Our Song but on the when we Shot the movie A lot of it was like for example when Woody and I were in a car and he's going to he did a lot of it was psychedelic fantasy and on the way to the Native American on the way to the Native American I don't even remember where what Scene goes where I just remember we were on a Sound Stage who was in a car and he's like I'm going to have some Demons Run by you you just react okay wow yeah and so you don't have time to go well how would I react to a demon I mean what state is she in you just have to wing it yeah and just give and just be in the moment and be Fearless so that's back to Oliver son that's what it taught me is just give it bring it give it commit and um it was wild and a lot of those sequences like the drug Zone when they go they epic massive scale you know uh cameras here I don't know if you remember the whole things cuz the brilliant the whole place is green and it's like a a gigantic um like a Sears or a Walmart or a CBS or something like that just a major drugstore and it's completely empty and all all the shows are full snake venom yeah and you think about all the cops that come outside to in the scale of this particular scene among so many scenes like that of that scale that one was particularly what was memorable when you see it cuz it's operatic I think I forget what music was even playing I think some Opera was playing yes until L7 [ __ ] list but it was very when you pull back cuz he was that's when they were getting arrested and there was fire over here and people getting beat up and stuff um so it all had to be orchestrated yes really well like a well oiled machine and so there's something you there's something you do when you're introduced in that role and we're at the diner and you guys have stopped off and we're just getting to know you both and we haven't seen any violence and and the guys come in and they start hitting on you and you do this it's so funny still to this day I remember um at the time seeing it and going like that was so such a good representation of like because the guys come over and you're dancing and you just slowly go like uhhuh yeah like like this [ __ ] thing again here we go you're you're ruining my [ __ ] trip oh this guy's boming me out that and then when you strike at them there's a laugh and you laugh and it's like I laugh in all these weird places too in life because of the absurdity of things but you're like laugh is so iconic in that thing because it's kind of like you know all right here we go the tables have turned what do you think now kind of thing but it's almost like a giggle into the universe between mallerie and her Universe of sort of like I don't know I don't know but I you do this throughout too where you'll laugh in that film um hysterically and oh yeah you know maybe you're talking about the Banshee like I made up this this is thing I was like in these scenes CU there also there's an absurdity of course in that movie sort of anything goes but again Oliver provided he set the table like bring it and so that gave me this Freedom where I'm like hey I think she's when she's jumping on Rodney D she should yes I have this Banshee noise can I show it to you yeah I know the one do it please I don't know how to do it but I don't even know where that game from yeah really it was just like a primal Banshee well actually no it's the incredibleness of of Oliver he was he was he gave me a tape cassette of Native American chanting really he gave me music he had all this Native American um stuff that he's uh connected to you see it in the doors yes it's you know a bit of his universe and invited me into it and I I don't know I took it like a sponge and so I came up with my own stuff wow nice um but the Banshee yelling I don't know what that was I think I just entered the the animal King Kingdom so I brought that but the the other stuff that's playful like where I'm doing the ballet legs around Woody that's just my stuff wow I don't know that they were into it so like okay cool you guys are into this that being weird it's so it's such such a textured movie like I'm like I was saying and all the black and white stuff that you see in JFK also you see in some of these other films where there's these cutaways where it's like an extreme version of what just happened and almost he'll do a replay but a closeup thing and it's nuts like I don't even know where to begin it's one of those movies you kind of go yeah and that's the craftsmanship of the there's four editors I only met one person named Hank who is just a fantastic uh visual genius yeah and um and then Oliver that's a tapestry of his wild mind and what he wanted to say in that film yeah and it really he didn't mind antagonizing who he meant to antagonize which is mainstream media right but us as actors like when we promoted that movie I never felt so much I was like oh [ __ ] we're they think we represent the the filmmaker I was like wow like I'm just an actor right but the journalists hated us because of the sensationalism of violence well because also cuz Oliver is pointing the finger at them oh right that's true you're the ones who are creating this stialized it and with Robert Downey Jr's character yeah so they're likees as if we're you know we're just showed up at work trying to do our jobs but um but yeah I got banned in a few places and you know a l wow holy [ __ ] so you're a rebel then at this point I mean through this film I mean you were saying something about the relationship to the riot Girl Movement and that you had some Consciousness around that oh no you said that I actually didn't know much of the ri Riot Girl Movement ironically of that time oh wow only in hindsight I mean a little bit um I follow um Kathleen the punk singer I saw that Kathleen Hannah oh I love this her documentary is so good oh wow I didn't know she had one called the punk singer oh damn I want to see that it's really good it's great but it that's what I'm saying some of these movements were around I was listening to more classic rock and like I said Jimmy Hendrick and yeah also Miles Davis stuff that my dad had uh shown me that's cool yeah yeah um let's see about the soundtrack also and its impact on on culture yes um and Quinton Tarantino wrote Natural Born Killers that's correct right or that he he created the story yeah or something did you you you ended up in from Dust Till Dawn and did this is this where the the relationship began yeah me and are oh my gosh I hear my mother's voice sometimes you um Quinton and I is that she like she never oversaw any of us doing our homework but all of a sudden in my adult years she'll go not them but blah or whatever she'll correct my grammar like Mom where did this come from she never okay anyway is it Quinton and I I was about to say me and Quinton Quinton and me bad grammar um there's a rule invisible ruler from my mom um we became friends after natural burn killers and um that was funny and I love Quinton we just he's really easy to get along with and down to earth I get along with down to earth you know people not don't have a lot of heirs or self-importance yeah and um and then he invited me one summer to support his friend Robert Rodriguez and said hey would you do a little part in this and I was which the departure for you too I mean it's it's another turn for you playing a different person that you% I always follow a criteria like who's involved the story and absolutely the role has to be different than something I did before but I mainly did it as this would be fun which I don't rarely make decisions on fun now maybe I would but then but because it was Quinton and it was fun we had a blast making that movie yeah oh my gosh who are you becoming I mean as a the person that you look back on in those times of course there's a continuation and a thread of her here now but yeah but then do you look back at her as having a lot to learn or or do you or you know I guess like who what are you no no I'm trying to look at it no I'm like damn she has a will not just oh my gosh like something to prove yeah I mean mind you I I even had that in my music but I think I L but that's also the grace of oh maybe I've proved a couple things yeah I'm 50 that's right some people have told me I've proved you know I don't know I had so much to to prove also so what are what are what's the question do you no that's perfect I'm looking back what is she doing well okay who the younger me yeah and who are her influences you're now like you're now Hol you're you're now celebrated in Hollywood and antagonized in Hollywood at that stage in Natural Born kill oh yeah back then I think that L they L some people figured it out oh she acts she's good at what she does right but took a minute but it took a minute so at that phase who are your influences who are you trying to be like who's who are you looking up to and and and and how how um I guess God what I want to say who is she is she is is a lot of her still here that's so funny though that you said who is she being trying to be like I was so trying to be like no one but only myself amazing and to discover and artistically mind you I had lots of trouble in my personal life or how to be I I was socially inept is that right yeah I I I was an introvert uh took me a long time to be able to claim um myself in a space wow do you know what I mean my but artistically I was only trying to I just really loved what I do I really love what I I really dig into it I don't I mean I worked on these TV shows too I I just don't have autopilot I go to work I like to be wound really tight like what that means is I don't ever just hang some it depends on the shoot but I I just like tension I don't like it in my real life but for the work for acting work I I have to because it's such a I've analyzed it it's such a weird uh medium um is it like trust in the unknown is it is or something about the unknown that makes it like it's the unknown but it's it's you've heard people talk about how a two-minute scene in a movie could take 3 days the intensity of the focus and having to repeat and do something over and over and make it look like the very first time yeah that in and of itself is an art you know you could be starving it could be 3:00 a.m. I've I've done scenes where I have to find a murdered my father murdered and be weeping and they're like that's lunch and we're going to be filming my closeup and I'll literally be in a space of how am I going to do this in 30 minutes how am I going to play Not only something I've never lived before but emote in a truly deep honest way how have you kept that up all these years I I did it so I get into really wild stuff I'll like Touch flowers and if anybody knew what was going on I don't even know I just think it's um in uh what are they call it Conjuring yeah I have a joke but you know how sometimes jokes can be serious yeah yeah that I commune with fairies oh beautiful you know or something it's metaphysical if I get into acting to me is it's real deep like that um what's but who was I I was a little bit rough around theed just I I didn't know how to enjoy I didn't know much about enjoying life I was really so there's some things that serve me as a human say such a buddy I think he's mimicking me she soon as I stopped talking okay um she's like you don't say or my hearing is sensitive um oh I was so attached to Melancholia and drama and yeah sorrow yeah endlessly as a youngster so anyway I didn't know how to enjoy the process that much gotcha what would you say you were how would you talk about your spirituality throughout your life and the evolution of that um well it's so much about uh where do we go when we die yeah y I think I was thinking about that early on I lost an uncle when I was seven and so that poses that question different than I have a a brother I didn't grow up with we have different fathers but he's one of my best friends he grew up lot of friends died in his life so he he's actually I love talking to him about lots of things but death is one of them M um one time cuz we try to control so much one time a friend died I was like oh if I only had called her sooner and blah blah blah cuz I'm trying to think that I she had fallen right in aavine this was a friend I worked with wow anyway he was like Hey Juliet I hate to say this and I don't mean sound but it has nothing to do with you that's helpful it was helpful yep cuz you want to control and those last moment this and it's like well you know um but uh so so and then being midlife I'm very much of oh gosh you spent so much time time wrestling with things that are ultimately not important and the more you lose friends the more you'll be aware of what's important and what's not yeah I've lost a few now some to cancer just Health stuff sure um so so now it very much is into how to seize the day yeah beautiful that kind of spiritual spiritualism yep I'm not as disciplined as I'd like to but something I think that's the work yeah isn't it yes absolutely I want a morning practice I know a morning practice I could be do it nice but I didn't I haven't done it yet yeah all of it wonderful I do some it's the most important thing I've ever done with my life oh the most important thing okay what is it having a way you go to bed or wake up and go to bed or what definitely it's just um uh I've started my day the same way for um for 19 years which is like waking up and meditating and re reading something and then meditating and the idea is that when I wake up I don't know who I am and I'm my head's telling me all these mes that I've got to be yes and and I don't know where I've come from in sleep yes you know and and I also don't know what's going on in the subconscious generally and you know I don't know the the climate of the day emotionally for other people in my life so I'm waking up and there's a lot of mes that I can be and I find that that's not helpful to grab any of them and we usually just wake up and we respond to what our mind is telling us is important and so this morning practice disrupts that it's a great disruptor of that and start with the clean State and be present yes it I mean what it does really is like I when I read something and it's you know I read stuff that makes me think about um everything how do you choose what to read or is it the same is it a prayer because all okay go no yeah no I I I choose it to read based in the continuation of the last thing I read oh and and I've been in this long reading of certain you know Buddhist books and stuff like that and so I have this favorite author and I just read him over and over again okay but but what I do is I read because he just points to the nothingness going to zero in a good way yes um right sizess and so it challenges all of my ideas of of of being somebody in that moment and being important and having all this responsibility my problem is that because especially younger with survivalism or whatever that was for a person there's so much fight there was so much fight I me you're like I remember turn when I was realizing becoming middle-aged uh it started with my father's sickness I wasn't working aot lot so I had all those grownup problems economics mortality and um Arc of a career and probably I mean well that it was waned off that actually was the lesser of the importance the economics was only all I thought about it was how to take care of my dad right and I wanted I was like where's that money that young money I had 10 years ago to get a good caretaker with that he was going to live with me as well oh cuz I didn't have ch I just assigned myself this role cuz I was like I'll do it this is what I've done often though I'll jump into the deep end of the pool yeah and see if I can swim yeah but I did it cuz my sisters had kids I don't have kids so I was like I'm going to take care of my parents I still feel this way with my mom um beautiful but wait I didn't mean to go on this tangent of mid life oh what serves you in your youth that's could be awesome yes doesn't serve you in midlife and you have to go and for me it's it's a lot of this some kind of fight well the world cuz the world's a tough horrific place at times so sometimes you can wake up find especially with these devices everyone wants to launch into the assertion of points of view and I think like you I'm with you of reaching understanding I actually want to get out of the fight yes out of the fight not that exciting not interesting the Fright of somebodiness is what I've found that it is is just like you know my somebodiness rubbing up against your somebody and I find that when I go in the world you know with this practice now um there isn't anything for anyone to rub up against you know I'm just like not a scratching post for you know I it doesn't land like I I won't hold I I won't hold a resentment I I stay out of situations with people where there's like debts where you know where we're not doing things exactly what we want to be doing in a moment and we're doing extra yeah because of people using that they can use that as like some sort of currency yes you know rather than it just being like wow I love being around you you love being around me I bring something to the table you bring it to the table and where we get messy is just life but anyway so this morning practice it disrupts that okay by reading something that challenges the notion of ego yes this ego and then I go into meditation I sit with that and I watch all the Miis trying to assert themselves and go like hey you got to do this afterwards or hey how long's this been I watch all of the thoughts and I I watch from a place of being what you were saying the Observer so I watch as the Observer and I go wow all these are going to try and be me today I got to remember that I'm this nothing that I'm actually the agency of all these mes that are being presented and morning practice in repetition has just made that more comfortable throughout throughout the day to embody see okay well thanks for saying this cuz today I'm going to do the thing oh I've done it no I've done it like when I was working recently sometimes these hours get me this I texted you a little bit as much but I don't I alone am not going to change the way my industry functions they've normalized oh no I've had more 16-hour days door too than you can count that's that's normal it's like nothing productive is good in the Arts or anywhere past 10 hours of work 12 hours should you should cap it and had long discussions with people and crew about how to make it better yeah um but my point is I had to have a morning like prayer just like how am I going to physically get through the day yeah just because I I feel it more it's harder and I'm looking for the invisible connection also throughout the day of this morning practice it's uh referred to almost as like an Echo goes from your practice into the day oh yes and so you'll be in some situation where like maybe you used to impulsively act in a certain way but now the echo of your practice it it it's a little pause that can be a lifesaver yeah it can completely change any situation by just not saying that thing that you always say yes you know I have something I want to share on this great I have a few thoughts on this um wait what is it well one is the just the ability to pause not just automatici to me those that's death it's unconsciousness and here's a funny example I'm doing this little Club show and we're doing it my band just to get our feet wet again it's out of just the love we've been wanting to get together so it has nothing to do with business we're just like let's see if there's some dates we're doing it all wrong and it's all right that's how it's going nice we're selling out the shows have sold out we have one last show just means people want it um people are hitting me up to be on the guest list cuz they didn't buy their tickets and we know so my point is about pausing this is just a little trivial thing to be like why am I flexing with anger I didn't text back at anger like why I'm like it's like just love there it's people are enthusiastic but yeah I was getting a little bent out of a shape of the you know um because it's just energy and I didn't know what to do with it cuz I ultimately I want everybody to have a ticket and be able to go but there's an issue of actual capacity has nothing to do with money yeah um anyway that was funny I knew to pause like in myself I was like why are you reacting like being hot AA like why are they hitting me up well cuz they're excited yeah the the same thing is even with like just in meeting you today leading up to it in the few moments before you got here the stage had been set and I'm kind of walking around as I said you know um in the grass and and um and uh what was I going to say um hold on let me no I was late even me I was like why am I late I want on time and I changed it go on other people changed on me earlier today their time okay any no you're fine are you kidding you're fine there's a whole thing that happened before okay oh got you okay so so I'm I'm we're at Romos headquarters right now as you found out when you got here this is kind of the headquarters of Romos activity on Earth uh one of the spots uh it's the the love Sur remember Foundation location and uh Romos used to talk about and also not an ad for rdos but oh love rdos yeah no he's great and uh and I have to say also with romdas and everyone that I've been associated with not one person has ever said hey don't do that tradition over there don't do that thing over there don't do that um this is the only way no one in and I've studied I'm now on the inside of all that and I see that there's no person that's saying like rdos is the only way his teacher is the only way so I like Traditions like that yeah and so one of his talks those most famous talks he's talking about how why do we look at people um in such judgmental ways when we go into the when we go into nature we don't look at a tree and think about how different it is than this one in a negative way we don't do this judging you know and as I was waiting for you to get here I'm walking in the grass and I'm I'm feeling nervousness yeah and and I'm going I say to myself like wait what do I have to be nervous about I'm looking at this tree and I'm going Juliet's this tree you know like this is just another being on Earth yeah and Juliet's just love like this tree is love so what do you have to worry about and I even got down on the ground and I touched some Moss that was forming because I thought like this is very natural you know I I'm getting yall in my head about this being somebody that you're going to meet and it's not going to be like what it is now yeah yeah I mean I'm hearing you but then it's like I guess our experience sometimes but even that it's like the more even if I was stilted or didn't know how to or didn't like your question even that is like giving um Grace or allowance to what to whatever cuz I've had that where I thought one thing about a person and then it was didn't go the way I want but it's only because of again what expectation and not giving them the grace it's very rare that you'd ever meet a person who's going to snap your head off right right no a lot of the things that we worry about in life almost never happen they not like I was worried about the other day whenever I get in uh you know when there's a lot of cars at a light and it feels like there's a big pile up and you go like my head starts to go like oh my God we're going to be here forever and then I go wait nowhere in this city really is there like a line that stayed forever like you know yeah no I have a great story about if you get into like what's the lesson you know the whole the language we learn like God's providing a lesson it didn't go the way you wanted but um it gets into that double rainbow nice but also there is what is the lesson if something was I'm still in a lesson about something that didn't go the way I wanted it anyway I say that to say these cars are very funny CU you're trying to get from point A to point B there a little bit of a goal anyway I would I go crazy behind slow people yes cuz it's a it's like you're not even going the speed L yes it says 35 25 you're actually stopping people from existing in a way necessary to function no no I'll get into long rage dissertations like this is anti- driving my engine can't even withstand how slow I can't even break put whatever yes so I've gone on these long rage things where even then you're like okay you're behind us Sil car sometimes I'll just pull over and be like just go yeah me too let me just wait wait out so I get in from a trip that all changed I didn't have a hired car I'm like I'll take a cab and then the cab looks like we're out of the 80s it's a van um from I you know some van that's from when another time and it was after the holidays this nice man I was like we're going to where we're going in the mountains there's two ways to get there this is Santa Barbara Airport okay so there's the way that's more well lit or there's those back roads the back roads is closer to my house he didn't want to go that way anyway I was like okay we'll go and then I realized the long way is way too long but I going y we we get on the freeway he's going 40 mil an hour hour on the freeway and I went oh my God I'm in the car of the people I would rage against wow and I'm like God and I always think God ah you prankster I have a joke God is a prankster well for me she she is cuz yes cuz here I am in this person's car on the freeway people are passing him yes and we're going and I can't like backseat drive this is a long ass drive we're in this for an hour I was like you better Buckle in Louis and then I even said Hey listen we got to go the back roads so this is what happened we went in the back roads poor guy had never gone he was so scared people were blasting their lights and this and that he's like oh this person and I go I go go slow I go [ __ ] this guy I go this guy's being rude and aggressive you go at your own pace coaching and yeah and then I was like we were in this together and it was such a beautiful lesson I gave him a big tip even though he charged me astronomically went so slow oh that's beautiful I was just like well he's he I drove with him he was in he was terrorized yeah it always helps me to see that actually or to visualize that this slow driver is like have you ever met these people who are who are just they are so affected by their environment and and and get behind the wheel can you even imagine you and I going by them no no cuz I use the available space on highways I enjoy using whatever is open let's put it that way and I try to be considered driver but now I have a a vehicle that's quite tight and you know Maneuvers well so how do how do you how does Juliet develop a friendship with herself because I I'm asking because oh dear I'm asking because of death and it feels like the most important thing to me at this point in life is to be a friend to myself at death yeah to be able to say you know there's going to be people around me maybe if I'm lucky there'll be people around me and I'll I'll have that kind of moment where I get to leave the way I want to yes but I'm going to have to convince myself that it's okay to go you know like oh yeah other people just go like hey it's you know deal yeah well having been a witness to that struggle even with my dad my sister and I were like okay what do we do this visit we've got to convince dad to let go CU his body was slowly going and you see that a lot with um people they're they're hanging on yeah and um when they need to be letting go departing so yeah that's the thing that's the importance of the friendship I feel like is like I'm developing a friendship with myself now in life which lends itself to being a friend to everyone really you know if you in friendship with yourself you can be good friend to animals good friend to the grass good friend you know and I'm not also drive a car and fly through the sky on a plane and and and step on grass and Crush bugs and you know not on purpose but but you know I'm not saying just in some ethereal thing but but have a friendship with myself that's like a friendship with my environment a friendship with my mind yeah and it feels like that's the most important thing to have as I move toward death and so how do you what's your friendship like with yourself or how do you Foster that W like every time um because we are working through these things well I'm way better than some other times I'm only laughing at the Divide cuz it's very tough to be in one's own skin and to be at odds or like why the [ __ ] to talk to like you're fighting with yourself yeah is so unpleasant um um so yeah you're talking about two points is being at odds in oneself or being at odds with another which is also which means that's the work right you're at odds somewhere with your own own um energy yeah um so I've had different times in my life of like learning curves that have been awesome and once you learn it you can't un unlearn so you sort of create it creates a cohesion cohesiveness yep in one's where earlier you might have been div divided or ignorant um and so I've had these really incredible passages I'm really into being the age I'm at at 50 yeah and and just the way it's gone down you know I don't have kids that's one thing this very well it's part of our thing we do in on planet Earth and also female you go through things of like is that going to happen not yeah that's been a thing but I've been in acceptance about that roll out for quite some time that wasn't a choice or lack there it just it's the way it's gone down yeah so I just bring that up because that's the thing a marker when you're 50 and female and then men have their own markers but uh what but just that acceptance you hear a lot about these words and then what do they mean for you because I know what they don't mean cuz acceptance to me doesn't mean being flattened by all negative outcomes or being apathetic right so not to be confused with apathetic oh and this goes back to something you were saying before with your daily practice which I love um and of um oh cuz being being a creative person yes there's so much self-will that goes on in being creative and artist inventive cuz you have to disagree with what your Concrete Jungle will have you think one is that that's of no value that's not important dreaming of Dreams um I could get so into it philosophically um and then you also there's a thing I call um that I think is good to retain but it's a joyful middle [Music] finger you have to joyously be able to say [ __ ] you to that which needs saying B yes [ __ ] yeah which is you know the corporate you know Cog and the thing or or even people removing Arts from schools do you know do you know if I could wrote songs earlier it might have saved me from addictive things I don't know I I wasn't expressing enough in the right ways early on yep um cuz my schooling I uh was not doing well so the things that I would have loved they you don't get those what are they extracurricular so say I got a D in this class I then didn't get I loved Spanish I couldn't go on the field trip and so it removed me that much more from learning wow yeah rather than helping you in the area you're um not doing so well and yeah um I brought that up to say just to save people's lives that art sometimes does do that especially just I bring up teenage years cuz it's we've all had I've had friends lost their minds committed suicide I mean now that we're older people luck of the draw I mean it's it's tough yeah absolutely yeah did you did you have a recent loss with I heard something about a band member at a certain point or oh he no a cancer scare oh really H but big so my band is together he got a tumor taken out there was several stages of that journey and when we don't know the outcome I've lost three friends from cancer yeah um my age mothers and you're just like why why them well why this is what we're living in there's poisons in and around us anyway um uh and then another friend yeah I actually a year ago it was very difficult I lost two very significant people in the span of two months wow and so when I talk about that that fighting like why would you do this to me God it's like that self-centeredness yeah doesn't serve me and it just came from Pain Y and so even Acceptance in that time but now we know there's a village like now I'm being more accustomed to reach out and lay in a friend's lap when I couldn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time cuz I'm not accustomed to death yeah I I go I go wide open does where are you what's happening does it feel like there's a call to when these passings happen you know most of the time the longing that we feel is that maybe something not could have been said to derail it but but that they didn't die knowing exactly how I felt and do you have you dug deeper in communicating how you feel about people since these passing I do do that and that's why like even with who um we're talking about uh individual before I'll just say stuff that I'm feeling with the thing that we are human beings on this planet and better say it now than ever like yeah even if it's not polite Society I don't mean mean things I mean deep things yeah like even that's terrifying to people to be like you are so valuable yeah and you don't deserve to be unkind to yourself like stop doing that anyway um yeah just to say if I if that's what I'm feeling or and then um what else oh well no with with people departing it's just things out of your control and you're and you get really into the meaning of life why are we all here and blah blah blah yeah yeah yeah what would you say what would you say in closing and ba ba ba that should just be and baa well that's the sign fell yada Yad y yeah exactly you can yada y why are we all here y y y well I have a I have a gift for you m and but wait yeah and it's very strange because [Music] um this gift it was intuitive today um I had no plan to give it to you all week and I looked at it and actually I looked at it and I said you have to bring this today to give to her it's a Mala and it's a Mala that now it's a used Mala okay so but but even better like a used guitar it's a used Mala like a used guitar and this one in particular recently I had uh krishnadas do you know krishnadas M who has the center is it up the North up the hill like well no that's probably oh you're that's or wait who is it I don't know there's some really cool person around here oh chrishna M Krishna myy of course yes a different Krishna yeah there's a different this is like a guy who chants who's like a part of the Romos thing who you probably heard his music wait say his name again Krishna dos oh okay he blessed this and Jack cornfield uh the Buddhist teacher also blessed this recently a couple months ago I was around them and and they were extraordinary blessings normally Krishna dos and maybe you look him up or something at or you know some understand he'll hit me like a little lightning yeah and I I worked with this Mala also for a while and I brought it and I can't believe it's so wonderful that I brought it because of us just starting the discussion with it and having this be a day that you're talking about doubling down back into your regular practice or something and so this is just a reminder we've had reminders also of our conversation through the owl that's been talking to us yeah it showed up after our pee break which is amazing yeah and um it's been one sign after another oh that's neat so there you go oh I see you don't know I do with little weird things I I I have this rock that my friend what's a heart amethyst I just believe in energy that can be imbued in objects yeah it's why I like used instruments and they're around my house but this is so precious and I appreciate this so very much oh my gosh Juliet yeah that's nice yeah I'm I'm this is a this is a big deal a big deal um now moment for me that's great yeah and and I also just I I respect exactly everything you said today and the way that you said it I mean really Flawless as a human being as far as I'm concerned and you helped raise me in some way even though we're around the same age you know yeah we really are I'm 47 I'm near 48 um but I love being 48 and I love that this is just I didn't plan for this that's neat I didn't plan this day also how to set up a table or anything like that it looks pretty great and and just before we got here there was this wandering this this uh Saint from India who happened to stop by and he was singing chants here on this on these grounds really yeah and it was completely not something that that was orchestrated at all and it started this whole thing so it's just been I don't know an extraordinary time with you thank you a great first meeting can can I say one thing though about our topics please cuz I think the whole thing of being on this Earth you have the physical and the non-physical planes and some and um it can have a duality or or or a blockness even though where do we go when we're not here how did we get here all that since I was a little kid I always wanted like invisible friends yeah me too me too and I just think it's a did we didn't have the language where I like being connected to to the spirit world and um the more we can have that cohesiveness to the energy of the Unseen and the it's it's just the that's the Rainbow Connection I don't know you know you can imagine for me though and I I'm I'm staying right siiz about this and I feel I feel I feel deserving of your company you know today which is nice I feel that way well I just mean Within Myself I could this could you know I just feel deserving of it and I'm so pleased to report that but I want to say you could imagine how how it could be for me I mean you were one of those invisible friends for me you know since you know the '90s like honestly and now you know this is proof that the invisible friends also can materialize at a certain point that is true with no plan no plan no plan completely the unknown I like saying zo well Pete holes says it too zoom out when you're like right was this always going to go down and you just walked into it you know yeah that's right it's the whole um philosophical question of um manifesting or um wait what is it predicting Destiny or yes oh fate or uh or is it fate or accident or is yeah fate or man of did you will it like I've had where you think a thought and then you run into the person and you're like was I picking up that that was about to happen or did I make that happen and it's sometimes the high yeah you know what I'm saying can can I can I'm okay cuz I don't know I have to be honest okay I didn't know that I would be this honest about this thing but honestly this is what happened when we were at the crosswalk situation when you drove away I knew that I was going to release the Jim James episode I thought maybe she's a fan of Jim James maybe she'll see that I released this and maybe she'll even start following me on Instagram and then maybe I could invite her on the show it literally went exactly like that the next day you started following me on Instagram I asked you to be on the show and here we are and I I saw this in my mind now did I make that happen or was I in tune or I you made it happen you think so you heard it here first folks it's a light touch you're on your path you know and you you did that's that's cool that's cool I was like what what about me where I know where like where are you in my dream well no no I've had people though being like I just thought talked about you yesterday and then and I was like well done you you know what that's that's crazy too because there's a flip side of this of like where I used to think that whenever I'd run into some of my favorite people that oh my gosh we have a special connection and then i' build up this whole thing which is so unfair to them yes yes yeah it's so unfair to to have a whole invisible friendship with a celebrity Because by the time you meet them there's so much expectation yes on the person and then they can't at all provide that I mean maybe I don't know somebody could but but I don't think so not many people walk into that some people do but that's that self-importance thing like even you saying you saying these nice things to me I I mean I finally arrived in a space where I can honor my work and my own right and not tear it down because I'm always striving for Transcendence in work and better better better I mean that's goes on but now I'm like oh I get in context what I've contributed or can contribute but I don't walk I still um like hey I'm just a dirt bag too no I'm just yeah I can be and I I quite like that no no no I call it dirty Saints oh I kind of like calling it dirty Saints like dirty Saints are like the people who have been in AA seen that you know and they're kind of like that they're kind of like the people who who are switching from they're doing a harm reduction that can be a dirty Saint move somebody doing a harm reduction move rather than complete abstinence that that can be a or or somebody doing abstinence for a month and they have a plan to use again but still they're doing abstinence that's a dirty Saint move because it's not exactly clean it still has some interest but it's like really applying yourself still okay well this and we'll [ __ ] close it down but this brings me to I think it's good to strive and play in these practices of uh well a romoss or love all loving and stuff but the other day cuz I also am in a rock and roll band and I love of bringing um you know like I used to listen to The Cure disintegration that helped me through one of my darkest times my life you listen to lyrics of disintegration it's so impactful yeah and what I mean to say is like the last week some of this music I was I was listen I was just on a tear and I'm like I I I I idle and rage I don't know how to explain what what exactly I was thinking but sometimes I just feel like rage energy as a quality and I don't mean like uncontrolled but is it it's powerful and it's tough stuff and I think we need it to survive in this absolutely culture you can pocket it yeah it's just like what vehicle we put rage in that's really like rage in itself is like an expression yeah but if we put it into a vehicle of it's what we do next with it really yeah you know I think rage is are I don't know what I was relating maybe in music yeah powerful I love it oh no for sure like a nice mosh pits are just oh my God so special but I do know I'm little and I could break a rist so I'm not not o but boy do I want them to exist Mosh Pit philosophically yes no but could you imagine people going no more mosit like oh my God I was at Queen St we saw a mosit it was such a thing of beauty it was a ballet yes but again my little bones one foot from a 200 lb got you I would break it's not I'm not in denial but I want it to exist yeah me too yeah okay perfect we'll end here hi five thanks thanks for having me this is my first podcast wow in my little memory I don't know that's unbelievable since they started catching fire yeah right yeah I don't know maybe I did want I don't remember yeah but yeah here we are W this is an honor thank you for me thank you Juliet nice to meet you me too all right