Conan The Barbarian Review - Off The Shelf Reviews

[Music] hello and welcome to Off the Shelf reviews I once knew the riddle of Steel and then I lost it and I'm Gary and today we're going to review and discuss Conan the Barbarian which released in 1982 based on Conan by Robert E Howard written by John milus and Oliver Stone and directed by John milus in why don't you give us the synopsis well the story follows Conan played by Arnold Schwarzenegger his family have been murdered when he was a little boy and he has been taken off and placed into barbaric fights against other Fighters as Conan grows he's released out into the World of Magic and mystery and decides that he's going to become a thief but he crosses the path of faler Doom played by James arold Jones who killed his family and Conan decides he's going to seek revenge [Music] Crum so this is the film that launched Arnold Schwarzenegger into icon status and then Terminator would follow that up and just cement him for all time yeah uh but this film took nearly 5 years to actually get the ball rolling on development a couple of producers sat and they managed to catch a glimpse of pumping iron the Arnold swz [ __ ] bodybuilding heavyweight kind of uh documentary yeah yeah and they were like who's that hire him we need to find a film for him right now yes and one of the producers like well kind of I've been reading this Conan like do anybody know Conan let's go to the comic book store and let's read some Conan yeah and they're like okay now we need to buy the rights to Conan we got the rights Arnold do you want to do it Arnold's like yes AR do you know who Conan is no here's all these books and graphic novels and paintings go and look at all of these figure out who Conan is and also we need to get you a work we need to get you a voice coach we also need to give you riding lessons climbing lessons fighting lessons Wilderness survival lessons so he went on this massive kind of regime to get himself uh in prep for the film yeah but they couldn't find a director they couldn't find a studio to finance it they asked Ridley Scott who had just finished alien hey do you want to direct this R went no and so all the studios said no although they did hire Ron Cobb who did the production design on alien is actually the production designer on this which also helps cuz this film sets costumes and everything looks absolutely fantastic yeah but it was Dino deenus who was in a hotel next door to them and they went in there with their pitch and he just went yeah I'll buy it yeah on the caveat that uh we make more of these movies and have like James Bond in storment with Conan returning every so often yeah I mean he was an adventur wasn't he he like the story of Conan spans like so many books you could was all like short stories and poems and other bits yeah yeah and Oliver Stone was the guy who wrote the first script but then when it went to Dino deenus and then to John milus who was adapting it they tore up Oliver Stone script because it was set in the future in a post-apocalyptic Earth and they were like h no this really doesn't work like let's go back to the source material here sorry Oliver Stone uh but they kept a few bits of his script but mostly abandoned that one wait a futuristic Arnold swz [ __ ] that wouldn't ever work it I know man I remember seeing this movie on Channel 3 when I was a kid and I can't remember if I'd seen Terminator first or not but obviously I'd known of Arnold Schwarzenegger I think I'm pretty sure I saw this around about the time maybe co uh Terminator 2 was being released I mean I was still young I didn't have access to video shops like that we were I guess you know subject to whatever was airing on the four channels we had at the time or you know or what our parents would allow us to watch but you know Saturday night 10:00 channel 3 they'd have these classic movies and Conan the Barbarian came on one time and I was like what the B is this I mean I'm playing golden AXS at the moment I I like rastan the rastan Saga I'm like in on this I was playing games like hero Quest and d and Dragons I was like this is the of the Barbarian yeah like somebody looked at Arnold schs ner is come on man I'm going to make a [ __ ] ton of money off that image and and they have and I've saying this to Gary just before we turn the cameras on man I know Arnold is remembered for Terminator and Terminator 2 and those are possibly the two greatest movies performances he's possibly ever done I might be forgetting something else I'm pretty sure it's not collateral damage or end of days or Last Stand or escape plan or jingle all the way or I mean I keep keep going but then I watched Conan and I haven't watched Conan for at least maybe 10 years up to this point cuz like when a movie is so good and you've watched it like a million times as a kid you never really have to re really go back and watch it again you just close your eyes and boom you're there you're watching the sequences in your head well well that's what I do you know well I've never stopped listening to the soundtrack of the film so the film just plays on a loop whenever I'm listening to the soundtrack anyway so yeah [Music] and I I said to Gary I said I think this is where possibly he honed Arnold honed his craft of being able to emote without moving his face well yeah I mean the the the the the development team of the film knew that Arnold's accent was going to stand out and so limiting his his words on screen like uh was was a big impact on that I also think his accent really works for this Barbarian character because you know like I said as growing up I was into reading about Vikings you know and all of their things that they got up to and they came from the north you know and as as Arnold is what you know um Austrian you know to me that's northern Europe so close to Viking territory so he's basically a is basically a that's what cob did cuz he was looking at like other swords and sandal kind of movies at the time and he was like I don't like the architecture or the building so he looked at like the Dark Ages European saying he looked at Viking buildings and Mongol buildings inspired by genas can and that affected like the armor and the clothing as well yeah but going back to the acting thing as well like yeah Arnold said he was wowed uh when he was in the presence of James R Jones and Max von sidow and they're like Oscar nominated actors and so they brought a sense of Gravitas to the film and they coached Arnold on how to act and Arnold coach them on bodybuilding and health regimes and stuff totally you can see it I mean James Erol Jones I mean we haven't got to the film yet but James Erol Jones I mean this is [ __ ] the voice of Darth [ __ ] Vader you know Lion King Lion King for this for me this was the first time I'd seen him on screen and going from that opening sequence you know we've got the the riddle of Steel the speech from father to son talking about sword making and the movie slightly kind of lows you in that this is just going to be a nice little Adventure jaunt and then you get to see those guys riding through the forest with the banner the two snakes over a black moon black Sun you know and the music's pumping I [ __ ] I've always remembered and I always love that guy who squats on the rock you know with theout the forward Scout the guy who's like I found an encamp and you see little Conan there and you just see the horses come over and the music starts and it's just a raiding party yeah and we see villagers getting killed we see his dad go for his blade that we saw him forged at the beginning and he cuts a couple of them down but eventually he gets that axe in his back and then he's muled to death by attack dogs God yeah and just like man this is vicious and horrible and then it all goes quiet and we see these two other big barbarians Dismount and approach Conan and his mother before Thula Doom turns up and takes off his helmet and he kind of just stares her down for a moment oh it's magic Jane Jones his eyes it's a it's a it's a wonderful moment cuz it's just no dialogue no they're just staring at each other she kind of raises her chin up slightly he turns around and then spins around and decapitates her and we watch her head fall and we just see Conan there still looking at his empty hand that was just holding his mother yeah and she's gone now and it's like oh man it's a brutal opening and then from there he's taken off as a slave yeah I mean I said as a kid I just gotten over that opening and I'm like you know part of me watching on Channel 3 I didn't see as much Gore but then watching it now you know like Disney Plus or dvd versions you just get blooding guts all over place you're like oh my God it's picturesque the the blood on the snow yeah you know blood on snow always looks really good in film like like you you could have easily have [ __ ] this up easily could have easily [ __ ] this movie Up by just having producers and put too much information or demanding Too Much from the actors AR could have walked off a set saying no this is not for me the fact that this works and I've only started at the [ __ ] beginning you know we haven't got to the [ __ ] pushy thing yet just everything about this little kid has just ended and so quickly and now he's been lured off or dragged off as a slave and he gets put on that pushing winding thing I never wored pain yeah I never worried out what the [ __ ] that does other than turns them into beef cakes it's supposed to be um grinding wheat so it's right okay I didn't know if they were like mining something underneath the ground or wheat or something but he gets put on there and he's forced to push it with all the other child slaves and you just watch this passage of time come where slaves are taken off here and there and then all of a sudden this young boy looks up and he's not a boy anymore he's a [ __ ] man he is Conan he is Conan it's a great reveal cuz yeah we see like a teenage version we don't see his face and then when the camera is there and he looks up and it's Conan you're like yeah and and then you like all the other slaves are gone it's just him still pushing it just pushing it and it and it works because you know arold s Niger was such a Beefcake you know like like I think this came after Hercules in New York you know and I still have never seen that because I just hear it's absolutely terrible um but to then put him in this movie you're having that wheel thing just solidifies that's why he's so big yeah he's been there for so long like well I mean it doesn't account for like the fact that his back muscles or all of his muscles have developed as they have done well he might have but it's enough to to buy it for the film they might have let him off to have back day a couple of times and leg day and stuff like that all right there was like a different device like around the corner we just didn't see man I don't know how medieval exercising things work but this guy comes riding along and he turns to the guy who owns the wheel thing and they make a deal and he takes Conan and he takes him off to his first pit fight doesn't he right he just throws him in there against this Savage with these filed down teeth and you got to imagine or or remember like Conan at this moment is a boy in a man's body he's not been schooled or taught he was an orphaned child who's known nothing but pushing this thing well he has been told by his father that you can't trust anybody in the world but still you can trust so and that's his mindset isn't it he gets his hand on a sword he can he can do something with the sword we see that in this Montage that he quickly learns that he's really good at fighting people yeah he can kill yep and we just as an endless Montage of all these people he's just fling and stabbing and cutting and but I also like the fact that he starts posing for the crowd at first he's unsure and afraid but now he's posing he dominates the pits so much so that his master takes him away takes him to the East and gets him trained and gets him educated that's the important part as well is they actually educate him in foreign languages in Reading in writing as well as the Fine Arts of martial arts and and sword play and also they kind of stud him out to to whoever has paid for it I suppose I mean that's that's one thing we've got to say about this this whole opening section is that without any major dialogue coming from Conan or major dialogue coming from really anybody after that opening sequence we've got um just a narration come now I think it's Mao who plays the wizard later on in the movie who's retelling us the tale of Conan and he's just telling he he tells us about you know how he gets sold as a slave and how he starts killing people off and like I said he gets sent off to the east to learn the sword fight I love that seuns it was one of my favorite uh uh sequences to watch because you could just see how much fun and enjoyment Arie was having playing this character even though like when he does that first bit training and the guy kind of slaps him in the face I'm like oh you're slapping AR he but then he Ki back kicks that guy kind of mocking like no no no Conan is at least learning and then you get that other shot where he's fighting on his own and he he he realizes he's gotten really professional with his sword and iron's smiling and he's holding the blade I like he's trying to understand the riddle of Steel and now he thinks he gets it yeah and uh and he's taking back and well his first line of dialogue it happens like 25 minutes into the film to crush your enemies see them driven before you and they hear a lamentation of the women that is wow like that's his first line I mean I'm not being harsh or anything but I kind of like the Lamentations of the women too oh well yeah kind of work but it's it's just so good because he has gotten to this respected level that his owner even comes up to him in the middle of the night and just cuts his chain and goes go you're free it's like whoa like do you know what you're doing you're you're letting loose he's not really a rabid dog anymore but Jesus Christ he is he's still Rough Around the Edges doesn't know a lot but get a sword in his hand and he'll be able to kill his well you've just seen him kill like 20 old people well I mean but in the next sequence though we do see him running for his life it's because he's being chased by wild rabid dogs and he manages to to climb up but he ends up falling into a cave system and he Arnold actually hurt himself in that fall into the cave but he also actually hurt himself because in the behind the scenes he didn't manage to outrun those dogs oh and those dogs according to the director and Arnold were not very well trained so much so that they even attacked their handlers oh [ __ ] so when the dogs did get hold of Arnold they started to actually attack him and they cut him and he needed stitches and that was Arnold's first day of filming and he was like look I'm bleeding and the director went no it's great it's perfect and also pain is temporary film is Immortal so just get on with it and hard was like okay yeah and he hurt himself a lot because well they couldn't easily find stunt doubles to cover for him so Arnold did a lot of his own stunts yeah and he falls into this cave system and is this crom no sat in the chair is it just a giant king well it's just because I know more around the the story he it's actually the lost kingdom of like Atlant oh and he finds an atlan sword and that's his weapon for the rest of the film then but you would think it's CR because he says doesn't he questions like CR well that's it does he question or or is that just because that's his God his father's I always thought it was too yeah I also think at the same time it's like he's he's kind of praying to crom like what is that cuz crom has given him this gift now yeah it's just such a a cool little setup where he's reaching for the sword looking at the skeleton and you're kind of hoping the skeleton gets up and when he moves the sword there like a little nudge and then the thing just falls apart budgetary reasons meant they couldn't really do it but it's it's a Conan story so would the original material it definitely would have come to life yeah but he gets that sword and he climbs out and he cuts his chain and those dogs come back and the next shot Conan's wearing some Furs right now this next section has always stuck me I CU I was a young boy when I was watching films on a Saturday night and some films you you're unsure about what you're seeing and then all of a sudden there's this woman at the door of her Hut and she's like you Barbarian come from the north why don't you warm Yourself by my fire and Conan's like I don't completely trust you but all right I'm a bit cold bit hungry and then she's she's crawling in front of the fire isn't she she's throwing powder in and you knew you're suspicious I was I was just like I'd read enough of those fancy adventure books I'm like do not turn the page until you [ __ ] learn and uh she's like I can give you the information about these two snakes if you want and I always question like does she work for Thula Doom does she know of falsa Doom or is she just I think she's out for herself and I think she realizes like she recalls like some almost some prophecy and she figures that Conan will be the ones ended on I don't know I like I don't know the details but I get the feeling like she's trying to harvest his seed for her own power in some kind but of course she transforms and Ary just throws her in the fire but then she turns into a light form and just kind of bounces out of the heart and she starts laughing as well she flies off I was just like oh man you you saved it but it's such a really cool shot like you didn't need like a big fight or blun guts and budgetary reasons they weren't able to do it but naked Arie some naked chick he throws in the fire and then she's poof she's gone it's also our first real sign of magic in the world as well and we course see arie's reaction to it he's not a fan of magic Barbarian that makes sense but then he soon meets his new best friend the thief who's chained up outside food for the Wolves subai man I when I was younger I used to love Conan but now I'm older I really kind of love this sidekick you know because he he really initially warms to Conan because they kind of both were in the same situation but Conan was stronger than he and wasn't chained up and left to be fed by the Wolves but subar uh played by Jerry Lopez he's a thief you know and an Archer and a hunter and he comes from the uh East I believe it is and there's that beautiful speech where the two of them are talking about their gods my God is crom he lives in the mountains he's so strong he could easily kill your God and Super's like my God is the Four Winds he looks down and laughs at your God it's great he's a really good actor as well and he's not an actor they originally like had audition and some other people but the producers and the casting agents were demanding way too much money for these actors so he was like you know I'm just going to go get my friend that I worked with on big Wednesday who is a world champion Surfer wow so he's not an actor he's just a surfer man but he seamlessly adapted and filled this role and yeah I love those sequences where he's just sat with cona and they're just laughing eating food and the montages and they're just running across the country running as they're trying to find evidence of also d and his cult oh man it's just so good is it they just running from place to place that punching the camel oh God is that a real camel was that a real punch I don't know I don't know cuz he hits and knocks it out it does yeah yeah think he's drunk or something is it a well trained camel that it just fell on S did Arie punch it I don't know but they're they're they're going around and they're looking for all this information of fals of Doom and you know super TI teaching him teaching Conan because this is Conan's real View at civilization you know he's literally gone from a village to that wheel to to pit fighting he hasn't actually seen cities and and buildings and and and people all over the place without being a slave himself yeah yeah exactly and so it's just it's great world building oh hell yeah you know I I I rarely say that unless the movie really just sucks me in and this movie Just properly sucks me in to the point where you know the two of them are are uh giving the information about the towers of it's actually Ron Cobb the production designer he's the one who sells them like the drugs there was a deleted scene as well just before him where it's the director in a stall right opposite him who's selling the the lizard on sticks which you see Arn old or con eating in the next shot so I was like yeah but yeah he gives them the information about the tower the Tower of the snakes and how fala Doom has constructed them around many different places and you know when you go in there you never come out kind of thing and so subar and Conan are like we could break into there we could go in there and get some money and as they're going in there at nighttime um they come across Valeria uh played by sandal Bergman who's just man yeah yeah the uh the casting director and the producers had seen all that jazz and the director himself was just like yeah we want you because well you kind of look like a valkyrie and I've always wanted to make a viking movie which I'm not doing but I can put a valkyrie in my movie if you know so she was cast and again she does all of her own stunts in the film because they couldn't find a stunt double that looked was her height or her build to do the so she did her own parts and she also ended up in hospital at some point when she nearly had her finger cut off doing the fight stuff so yeah but she is incredible in this film and I love the way that she mocks the two of them like you don't even have a rope you getting up there well then Super Tai pulls out his clothes he's like I'm going to climb up with my clothes I've always loved sandel Bergman in red Sona as well I mean I know it's not a great movie it's it's kind of weak compared to Conan but she's great as this evil queen you know and I just love the fact that you didn't need another evil male figure on top of everything but we had this queen and you know coming off the back of con I'm like oh it's like an evil sister um but the three of them climb up this Tower and they get to the top and they come in and Valeria decides that she's going to search up the top I love the shot where she's uh sneaking up behind one of the priestesses there and then in the next shot she's just replaced her she's just replaced we so we kind of spare her seeing her knock her out drag her away and get changed it's just like b b there she is and and Conan and subai make their way down into this pit and make their way through the tunnel and they see this beautiful Jewel and you know this eye of the serpent they call it they don't seem to notice the giant [ __ ] snake on ground just saw that giant gem though so yeah like I get it like you see the gem the giant snake like kill the [ __ ] thing before it wakes up you know but you know we need a good action sequence we need something badass to happen and we noticed that one of uh Thula Doom's henchmen that we'd seen at the beginning of the movie um sitting at the top he's about to get this uh girl to um kind of sacrifice herself to the snake underneath um and so you've got the music playing and everything's going in and Conan's reaching for the jeel and sort of tension's building the snake's eye opens cuz a bit of sweat falls on its face and then all of a sudden this thing comes alive and like yeah you want a wide shot or you know computer generated imagery or whatnot it doesn't matter you know subai sees it through the tunnel and then before you know it the two of them are just [ __ ] killing it yeah it kind of wraps itself around Conan who does stab it underneath the chair and uh superai is firing arrows at it that was actually the director firing the arrows and they were real arrows flying right past Arie to hit the hit the you know the puppet snake so but he was he was like a gun nut really so he's kind of the best archer in the in the in the on the staff so he took those shots and trust me AR I can do it oh but yeah it's a great it's a great puppet now there's a little bit of wonkiness when the snake rears up but it's so cool to just go there's giant snakes in this world yeah you know where's the it makes you go there's going to be other monsters and other weird creatures but unfortunately the film didn't have the budget to do it so we'll just take this giant snake which he decapitates yeah he [ __ ] absolutely destroys it and then the girl the sacrifice jumps in she's like a this dead snake why am I screaming and then you get you get rexor turns around he's like get them CU he sees Conan and superai climbing up and then Valera is like yeah get them and Rex like get her I don't know you and there's this like whole escape sequence but there's that beautiful line that Valia drops at the top doesn't she cuz they get to the top of the tower and they're like where do we go and she sees the water and she goes you want to live forever and you're like oh stashing Troopers W she jumps off the top lands in the water the two of them drop in after her and then it's like a mon of drunkenness and partying but at the same time how they managed to build this relationship between Conan and Valaria so well without dialogue yeah yeah it's just in a montage I I think like you said because con because Arney playing Conan is you know still fresh and kind of being you know hand you know drawn through the movie himself without having to do many lines he's not overshadowing subai who's not really actor or Valeria who's you know not had many roles underneath her bels so the three of them really work cuz they're all on the same kind of pegging you know and so this sequence where you know he gives her the Jewel and you know is basically telling her with no dialogue like look I'm kind of in love with you this is his first love he oh yeah he's had sex multiple times probably but like love somebody who's like him somebody he can relate to yeah cuz I think she was a pit fighter as well and a slave same same as him so they've kind of got that con ction and yeah it's kind of reciprocated and so it's nice and so it is it is a love scene not necessarily a sex scene if that makes sense and uh yeah she kind of Embraces him and and hugs him and so it's very sweet it is very sweet but uh it is also comical as we then cut to this the shop where they're just kind of drunk and tired and his head just Falls right into his soup it is right but then we get to the really dramatic moment afterwards where they get dragged Away by guards and they're question where's your third accomplice like oh you got ate by lions yeah dead and then they drag him out and it's like okay another little comedy moment but it's maxan sidow who's the only one who talks in this entire sequence as king ozich oh yeah and uh he talks about how gems lose their Sparkle and their luster when you get older and that the only thing that remains is a parents' love for their child yeah and Conan and Valia just kind of just like in stunned like we got caught are we in trouble yeah um can we go now but he he Praises them he's just like you've you've done the one thing nobody else can do you you you've embarrassed you know and slapped and insulted thosa Doom you know he came here demanding me to do something me the king you know my daughter's been tempted by him she you know a friend of mine was killed by his son with this dagger is there a dagger ready for me and he just turns to them and he's just like look here are all the emeralds and jewels that you can carry take whatever you want and Val is just like oh my God there's [ __ ] so much money here and he's just like you know just bring me back my daughter and the three of them were like uh okay how can we do that but Conan you know he he's he's kind of hypnotized by this idea he's been following these snakes you know he's driven to find the man who killed his parents it's all done without dialogue again where valyria is kind of just like look we've got all these gems we're made we can go now but all the while like Conan is looking at the emblem that he stole from the the tower as well and uh and yeah cuts the next morning and well Conan's gone he's pursuing his revenge he that's the one thing that's consuming him right now is he wants revenge against those that killed his parents yeah and we get another awesome Montage where he's walking the land and he's showing people the symbol and they keep pointing to thosa Doom's Palace of power but before that though he does also meet moo the wizard Wiz he goes past the the Mounds which kind of it's like a miniature Stone Henge yeah and uh he's just like you got any flowers grow around here wizard like flowers what for for a woman and that's because he had saw I guess I mean the director called them the hippies earlier and they flowers and stuff exactly yeah they're supposed to get rid of all of their possessions aren't they give thems to Doom continuity thing here is he leaves with blue flowers and arrives with white flowers maybe the blue ones died maybe yeah but I like that little bit where he comes across that priest you know and the priest is lectur us and you know that priest has done some dodgy [ __ ] in his time and he's just like what's wrong brother and Conan just like I'm shy and he just like just I'm shy afraid and he's like pulling his his cloak open but you're so big and so musty and Conan's like all right how about we go over there those your priest robes can you show them to me we we'll talk quietly where no one else can see and the priest is like yes you don't need anything this is all I have and con's like Wham that's all you will ever need it's like yeah but then he's going around he's doing the little prayers to everybody he's like look I got this giant Medallion I'm like Conan like you're supposed to be a bit smarter than this but you've taken out a high priest like if you Noti he's got like the Yellow Cap part whereas everyone else is white so I'm like you've taken out one of the higher up ones and you're also waving around this stolen emblem that nobody else has and so he uses it to get in and the gu's just like give me that I'm Prett sure he's unarmed as well so he's he's putting a lot risking on himself well yeah he gets caught he like Infidel and he gets dragged away and beaten by rexor and thorgrim uh before well Thad Doom eventually reveals himself and we have this awesome sequence with James eral Jones explaining to Conan about the the riddle of Steel yeah like I was done with that years ago you yeah now it's flesh flesh is power it's like come come to me my child and we just watched this woman just jump and die for him it's like okay yeah flesh is Power Man James arold Jones he could run a [ __ ] cult I've always believed from a from a being being a small child just watching them talk like oh yeah you know it was Tuesday for me when I killed your family and I don't bother about swords anymore because look I've got this Army of people that will just kill themselves to protect me and he basically he he confronts Conan and he's just like yeah I might have killed your parent but you know look look what you've become I did that so uh contemplate this uh on the tree of well crucify him yeah such a beautiful shot I mean like set design in this movie is just so [ __ ] good in this desert shot with the tree with Conan slapped to it with the the birds flying around and then they come down and he's got to like bite one on the neck to stop it from feing on him but also try to keep himself alive so they got real vultures on the tree and obviously the it's a fake one that he bites into but it's real vulture feathers in skin so apparently the Medics had to run over and wash his mouth out after every take because yeah some horrible and [ __ ] like that exactly yeah but it is a great sequence he's just like will not be you he's just like he's being um humiliated by crom by his Gods essentially but he's still fighting back with everything that he's got even though he's about to die crucified but then Over the Horizon we see his friend and we get that hopeful bit of music just popping like it's going to be okay and Conan starts laughing and then he's dying I I love that shot because subai comes over the hill and you're happy like yeah he's going to be rescued and then he disappears and you're like was it real was it was I imagining and then he comes over again you're like yeah but yeah then Arnold I mean I always thought that Conan died here right but he doesn't actually die he's just very close to death yeah yeah yeah and there's one thing that I would love to know is how did subai get him off the tree and all the way to Mo I mean he does it off screen so it's kind of movie Magic but I'm like how did he carry Conan see what I would have done is I would have taken him off the tree then cut the tree into a bed and then stuck him on the bed and then ran him back that's still quite a way we I mean we don't know how far it is maybe you got an eagle maybe called Valyrian he's like I found her bring bring a horse we're going to need horses all right smoke signals I [ __ ] know [ __ ] Conan world man but even which way I always thought that Conan had died and that valyria asks Mao the wizard like did the gods owe you any favors bring him back but it's listening to the director's commentary he just like no no con's not dead um but he's on the cus bar deep so no no medicine's going to bring him back but a little bit of magic will but as Mo explains to Vala the gods will expect or will take out a heavy toll the price must be paid and she's like I don't care I love the fact as well that she's still wearing the Big Jewel around her neck as well and you get that great kind of setup where Conan's been wrapped up in all the black and they're painting like his face with certain like you know Supernatural emblems or and stuff like this film borrows from loads of different cultures at different points in history and condenses it into this world and like this is like Japanese kind of thing it's from a film from the' 60s where it's a guy who paints himself up to protect himself from ghosts but misses his ears so the ghost rip his ears off wa so they made sure that they covered every part of of Conan in the ink to protect his body cuz it's such an awesome setup like the the clouds come in the lightning the storm comes in and they're they've tied Conan down because they expect something to come along and then all of a sudden you get those weird kind of ghostly spectral things and I I know they're kind of what superimposed it's handrawn animation on top of it yeah I know it's not great but the way Valaria works with it I think it's because there's this they're all bathed in this red light so I think it kind of works even though yeah it it's it's looking dated now I think it actually still looks really cool because they are otherworldly I I think like I said I think it's sandel bergman's performance of just swinging that knife around that she is going to sell her life to protect Conan yeah yeah and you want her to cuz you want con to get his revenge so even though I'm looking at the ghost I'm like H they don't look too great when she swings and the knife goes through them but they're still there and they're grabbing her and pulling her back I'm like oh yeah [ __ ] stop these [ __ ] you know cuz youve got moo as well in his heart like it's great and then yeah next next day Conan wakes up yeah and then he's back back into his his training as he's practicing with the sword it's like but now there also like cuz there was a moment that I was I like reflected on it more this time is like when he's holding his hand I was just like oh it's because of his injuries he's wonder if he can grasp the sword but I think he was like grasping what falsa Doom had said to him when he they were talking about the riddle of Steel yeah and that it's flesh is power not the steel and so he's kind of looking at his hand and then that also goes all the way back to the beginning when his mom gets killed and Conan's just there looking at his hand and so like this whole film is this riddle of Steel in some regards and and Conan now figuring it out that it's more than just the steel it is more than just the flesh there's something else to it and it's the willpower the will to wield the steel in your hand it's a so it's more than that and I think those are little moments there again not there's no script that explains it it's just in him looking at his hand and then wielding the sword yeah and like I said perspective when we would have been kids we would just seen him flexing his hand but as we get older we start questioning is there injuries there is there deepness what is Conan thinking at this point and like we said with subai and Valeria and Conan sitting there getting ready to invade the Palace of power and rescue the princess back you know superti is like Conan we go in we're quiet we do this Conan and Conan's just like yeah I'm after th I am [ __ ] like he doesn't say he doesn't have to like John Wick and Denzel Washington equalizer they got that look that AR has where he's just looking at his sword like I'm gonna kill all of so many people like y but first we're going to GA at the [Music] orgy is this paradise in man I got to admit this this whole this whole n section like it's it's really long and so this is just barely the start but it's such a great third act you know where they they make their way into the basement of this this Palace of power and it's like hell these men are working their mask the music's thumping boom bom boom they're getting this green soupy kind of human flesh soup thing going in it's [ __ ] gross I love the camo makeup that the three three of them have on them you know just kind of splitter kind of it switches and changes throughout the sequence but it looks great yeah it it looks great and we utilized in this cave as well like is it a real cave I'm pretty sure it's not like a set cave that they made uh they filmed the majority of it in well they started filming in Yugoslavia but then something happened so they then shifted the entire production into Spain ah and like you know the like the uh the entrance to the the Palace of set so that was all they turned up there and went build it there and they went off we go and they just started building it they had no plans no no no drawings they just got to work and buil it because then they filled it with over a thousand extras is great as well like I said I've said this before in previous reviews you know were like extras I think really set up and so when we'd seen Conan reach the Palace of power and you had all those people there they're all outside the camera is you know the camera is focused on all of them you're like that's a hell of a great shot and it's the same with this when they come in and they do see that ory like there's a great transition where the music's really heavy and then it starts to go wi as sub's head comes over and then it becomes this light magic kind of heavenly music there's no real major nudity but the the the girls are groaning and the men are lying among them and say most of them look asleep yeah and some of them are it's like like chained up and sweating and stuff and so there's like a little moment there's a little moment where I think the three of them could actually stop and go yeah okay we could stay but they're so driven that it just comes a [ __ ] Massacre they sneak around they take some candles they start lighting some fires and when the Panic sets in that's it swords are drawn and that's it people are getting cut to Ribbons it's awesome man don't forget though faler Doom had been sat in this room right he goes a little bit of a transformation here it was oh man like I like it's it's not amazing like I'm I'm sure they are better but when you first see like you see James Erol Jones's face and then you see the like the plastic head and the nose starts to theyve got the snake puppet behind it forcing its way through so it stretches his Jaws out as his bones are moving around but the way the hands disappear his sleeve and then before you know it he's just a giant snake and he's he's [ __ ] out of there like did he know they were coming had he seen them was this his plan did did he could he always do that or is this just something he could do now I mean I I remember when they made Conan The Adventure of the cartoon series yeah oh man they ruined that they turned Conan's family into stone and the snake men could actually become snake men I was like man you're missing all the orgies and the gore and [ __ ] all the good stuff all the good stuff but now it's just an absolute blood bath and rexa and thorgrim turned back up he's got this giant hammer yeah Conan kind of he tips over The Cauldron of of of body soup bodysuit yeah thorm ends up smashing the hammer into the pillar the pillar comes down and that's when Arie and and Company managed to escape with the princess they managed to get her I forget that guy's name but I'm pretty sure he's like the stunt guy that used to work for Arie and yeah he's been in like 14 movies with him I think he's also the guy who gets blown out of the the Hut in in uh Predator where he's like knock knock and he's like B blows him away but for when I was a kid I always thought he was like one of the guys from Iron Maiden right I was just like oh he's one of the bad man from my made and people were like no he's not I'm like he [ __ ] toally does the hell the musles looks badass but yeah they both get taken out and Conan Valeria and subti grab the princess they go for their horses they're making the escape and Thula Doom comes out he's all pissed off and he gets this snake and he turns it into an arrow which is just amazing and he fires it and the arrow hits Valeria in the back and that was the price that M had said was going to be paid and so it's sad when they they take the snake out they kill it and she dies it's it's the the fact that she's like come here Conan let me breathe my last breath into you just like oh man like they really love each other that's so romantic and she's dying yeah and she dies and it's just like a man like if Conan wasn't pissed already oh man subai delivers one of the best lines at at this point in the movie I've always loved it where Marco's just like why do you cry and he's like he is Kanan he is Samaran he does not cry so I will cry for him and I'm like man yeah it's so sweet but no fire will burn up there and Conan's just like [ __ ] that yeah but that just goes to show like because Meco is Magic and he knows the gods and he knows this area him he's in shock when he sees the fire so that's like the gods are watching you know it's the fact that valyria has proven herself in battle that she did sacrifice herself for her love and uh so the gods have listened and witness this and so epic epic cremation yeah and of course the music is so good as well but yeah then the princess who's chained UPS just like they saw the fire they saw the smoke they'll come for me you'll all die like let them come he just looks back like whatever whatever so yeah I mean the tactician in Conan though he is smart and he's battle Savvy and he builds all of these spike traps and pillars and everything else ready for them to come yeah that's another little funny moment where mako's coming over he's got this all this armor and just like the gods have been watching they will join us in this fight kind of like will they fight with us M's like no and he's like well tell them to St out of the way yeah great the gods are pleased with you they will watch the battle are they going to help no well then tell them to stay out of the way man it also leads up to that awesome prayer that Conan gives to crom and it's also Conan or Arnold's like last dialogue of the film yeah yeah and like you can say what you want about Arnold schortz [ __ ] acting I mean people some people are some of the best actors because they've honed their craft some people couldn't tell a [ __ ] script from a watch or whatever you know and [ __ ] here is Arnold Schartz [ __ ] in one of his well his second Real Performance I suppose of acting standing there in his little horny helmet with his ax in hand and he's just like craw I have never prayed to you before I do not have the tongue for it but you will never know or remember what all of us have done down here but you will know that two stood against many that we stood up against the Tyrant and Crum if you don't listen to hell with you I'm like yes the music kicks in we see the uh the th of Doom's men arriving on Horseback as they're getting closer and closer like here we go here we go and yeah the Trap start springing the horses go down Riders are going down soai is firing arrows con swinging his sword like they kill like three quarters of them before they even actually get into a melee yeah and uh I love the sequence where Thor Grim comes around with his hammer and he looks over and he sees the the helmet popped between two rocks he's like no this is easy pop oh oh wait that spike impels him right in the chest as he lets out this this death rattle which I'm sure we've heard many times even that actor didn't have any dialogue but throughout the movie I was like he's not the smart one no like he's strong yo totally but he's not completely like Savvy like Conan so that's how Conan's able to outsmart him but the other guy you know the guy with the [ __ ] motorcycle mustache he comes around he starts giving Conan a real hard time and all of a sudden this magical silver blade comes out of nowhere and just blinds him and sends him stumbling back and Conan looks up and we get that Sando Bergman Valeria shot where she stood there and all that silver armor and she's like the valkyrie you want to live forever and he grabs the SW and he looks back and she's gone and you're like oh wow beautiful you know she said she'd come back from hell to to fight by his side one more time side and so he finally delivers those last few death blows the men that killed his family and destroyed his village and also destroys his dad's sword his steal is stronger right yeah and so th Doom I I like to think that at this point ther Doom has realized that he's failed but he's kind of blaming everybody else yeah cuz he's like scorched Earth policy now he tells all of his disciples like go and kill everybody like burn it all well he tries to nail the princess with the arrow doesn't he superti saves her yeah and that kind of changes her mindset now that she's like she's laughing with them as he rides off like I like to think that she did go home she got with King o back with King o and she was to say there was they deleted it from the film but they did film it but uh the sequence after Conan's crucified tho Doom realizes that they were sent to go and rescue uh the daughter that he had taken from King ozich and so he sends his goons there to go and kill Oz and we see maxo getting stabbed multiple times he manages to kill one of the attackers but still bleeds out and he ends up smashing the mirror cuz he hates his reflection as he's dying um but I'm like oh it's like it's it like in the terms of the World building it shows the long arm of falsa Doom and how much control he has that he can just dispose of Kings well we already kind of I kind of prefer to have the idea that Conan rescues her and gets her back to her dad yeah because this this end section yeah fer Doom James O Jones still at the top of the Palace of power it's nighttime you got all those guys down at the bottom with candles it's like an army you know they're all chanting doom and he's just like this light this light I give you you will spread out of the world and we will destroy it and we will you know Scorch Earth and we will take the land for ourselves and Conan sneaking through the back with the princess you know like like you said if she knows that king osrick is dead she's happy to get revenge if that sequence isn't in the movie she's really helping conam cuz he saved her life and you get this final confrontation it's it's such a great confrontation because Conan doesn't have to say a word you know James O Jones does all of the talking I made you look what you are you wouldn't be here without me I helped you you know by killing your parents and Conan starts to like look down at a point doesn't he like like it's not that it's that's um like FSA Doom has the like the Serpent's gaze I suppose where he's able to paralyze people or bewitch people because he does it to Conan's mom at the beginning which kind of lowers our guard I imagine he's done it to all of the servants that he's got in his Palace you know it's how he's managed to convert all of these like King's Daughters Etc and so I think he's deing it to Conan as well and Conan like lowers his guard like actually you know what you probably could be my dad now but then he looks at his sword and he's like wait a minute hang on a bit bang right on the neck Blood starts spurting out everybody starts freaking Conan grabs the top of his hair thk thk end of Doom [Music] yeah he throws it down the stairs just lobs that head doesn't e and everybody's just like in shock I like everyone's start throwing their their their candles in the water like oh it's gu so G now yeah well that's all that like I was Sting there watching it this time I'm thinking how many of them are going to go off and just commit suicide because they their lives are completely of the snake now yeah you know they just don't know what to do but you get that awesome just SE C where Arie is just kind of sat on the steps just kind of thinking to himself like what do I do now right what do I do my my girlfriend's dead subti buggered off you know he's had his revenge yeah I've I've done what I needed to do and he throws that kind of fire thing doesn't he right up in top and it just sets fire to the tower I thought that was hell of a good shot like how many shots did it take you know apparently they only had one take of it and he missed but they were like it was close enough so it's fine and then we finally we we end the movie same as we started with with MAO doing this narration Conan sitting in his throne old Conan with the beard with the crown with the text promising more stories and Adventures with Conan how does he become king you're [ __ ] ruin so bad movie and sadly there was never any sequels no or remakes REM no remakes or sequels no remake sequels animated cartoon nothing they CL down the Barbarian just exists it does on its own oh yeah Ian what were your favorite scenes from Conan um I think the from the point I hit play to the point I stop like I how do you narrow it down the music is amazing the visuals are amazing the getups are amazing the extras set up everything that you need to see in this world Arnold Schwartz [ __ ] fighting snakes and fighting people and fighting just I'm going to go for something easy when AR's face falls into the soup you go oh well yeah I like that moment too uh I also like it when uh thorgrim who like this is going on from Comedy moments the head in the soup when thorgrim hits the pillar and it falls down and he looks at his hammer like and he did I do that he looks at the camera like did I do that well he looks at the snakehead as well cuz it calls back to when James O Jones said you killed his snake he real it from a kid so now he's looking at the skull the snake head as if he's killed the snake as well yeah love it yeah and of course all of the scenes with MAO the wizard he's so eccentric and strange but he's got that laugh it's just great I like it when they're fighting and he's he's killed that guy with the spear and he's falling on his back he's like a ter on his back yeah great uh the witch I mean this great sequin you're never going to forget that uh the serpent Tower great sequence when when the snake comes to life and all of the servant girls there ready for the the ritual sacrifice great sequences Conan and uh and Thula Doom when when Thula Doom is explaining to him about the riddle of of Steel and the power of Flesh and the way that he delivers it and it's also like when he gets reminded when con's like you killed my parents and my people and he's just like oh yeah it must have been in my younger years oh I almost forgot about that yeah but yeah done with that of seal is beyond that now like his delivery is so great and it makes those scenes work uh love the tree of Woe love that image of that desolate like landscape in that one dead tree there with Arnold crucified to it it's great and then the the moment of Hope super guy comes running towards him our hero and yeah then the entire battle sequence uh with the with the death of rexor and the death of thorgrim and then all the way up to the the Tower of so the whole third act then yeah yeah just just doing it again all right just doing it again I I think we know the answer to this one recommend Conan hell [ __ ] yeah I honestly when I saw this on the list I thought it was going to be easy anyway um but then I sat down and watched it and memory started flooding back of my youth and seeing it in different stages on DVD and VHS and on TV and now on Disney plus you know like I said we're not going to talk about what came after this movie movie in this franchise um but this I just feel Arie H's craft without this movie he might not have been pulled by Cameron to be the Terminator to not deliver any dialogue to just emote how he's feeling through his eyes con you get so much from every sequence with Arie and subai and Valeria and it just so Works faler Doom James R Jones oh my God he is just M amazing as an actor and personally if anybody tells me they don't like Conan the Barbarian to hell with you yeah hell yeah I'm recommending Conan the Barbarian this is a must-watch it's a classic one of the best swords and sorcery films ever made Arnold Scher was born to play Conan and even though his accent needed work and he was unsure of his acting abil Arnold embodied the character physically formidable his presence speaks volumes while the film gives him great moments of contemplation and Humanity he is not just a dumb brute and Arnold has made this character iconic The Supporting Cast are all great Naturals in their roles and sandal Bergman is Unforgettable stunning and fierce they all Elevate the material especially James Errol Jones and Max von sidow now the music score by basil pooris is equally epic it's one of the best soundtracks recorded for a film ever elevating the film to Mythic proportions with thunderous drums and sweeping strings it captures the ferocity of the battles and completes Serene moments with an ethereal quality it's Perfection one of the best scores for a film ever High Praise for Ron Cobb as well the set design the costumes and weapons were great the stunt work the fight choreography Direction and editing and pacing it's all excellent there is no weak Link in this film it's entertaining it's awesome it's very rewatchable and it's one of the best it's a true mustat Thief Warrior Gladiator King thanks for watching off the show reviews [Music] [Music]