YOU, BOO. Ep 9! Confessions of a Childless Cat Lady.

I am a childless cat lady and there is an iconic post going around social media right now from Taylor Swift signed a childless cat lady this has become quite a Hot Topic in our world right now and I felt inspired to talk about it welcome to yubu the podcast on what it means to know love and Lead yourself evolving the collective by way of everyone when we do the work of self I believe the world becomes a better place so thank you for being here thank you for taking time out of your day to listen to this show it truly means the world to me and for all of you who have been sending me your comments your feedback your photos of yourself you know drinking a mocktail that I suggested in the sober episode and it lights up my heart it makes my my day so thank you keep the comments coming share with your friends if this has been valuable to you please help me spread the love my intention with this show is for it to be collaborative I would love to hear what questions come up for you when you listen to the show and I would love to answer your questions on future episodes for you you can even send in topic ideas for future episodes that you want me to base an episode around so is there something in your life that you want to be coached on is there something in your life that you're curious about and you think maybe Steph has some insight around this so if you want some free coaching on that hit me up send me a message ask me you never know until you ask I would love to dedicate an episode to you I would love to answer your questions the show is for you Boo and it's for me too of course it's for all of us and it truly is so exciting to be just a little bit over a month into this project and to feel the momentum to feel the support to feel myself being truly lit up by this project so thank you I am a childless cat lady and there is an iconic post going around social media right now from Taylor Swift signed a childless cat lady this has become quite a Hot Topic in our world right now and I felt inspired to talk about it I am talking to all of my fellow childless cat ladies I'm talking to those of you who are not that but seek to understand that life choice better I'm speaking to you if you are someone who has people in your life who would call themselves that and it's just a topic that intrigues you so it's just fun and it's something I'm really passionate about because when it comes to knowing loving and leading yourself when it comes to showing up authentically and feeling a sense of purpose a sense of belonging a sense of security in the world of course these questions come up of is it okay to want what you want is it okay to find so much purpose in your life even if other people that you love can't possibly wrap their head around your seemingly insane life choices right is it okay and why is it happening and why is it becoming seemingly more common for women to say hey I'm a childless cat lady and I'm proud of it now I do want to really be respectful and acknowledge that this is not always by choice either and it's not always a cat so sometimes it's a dog maybe you have a pet snake I don't know maybe you have a mini horse maybe you have an alpaca if you do hit me up and send me a picture of it because I freaking love alpacas and llas and actually all animals so actually I need to pause for a second right now and ask anyone who's listening please send me your pet photos to my Instagram account at moon. wild. Studio send me your pet photos put them in the comments on the YouTube channel send them to me on Instagram if you don't have any of those email them to me because I want to see your pets animals make me so happy and so DEH humans I'm not antihuman in any way I just happen to adore animals so so so much so I want to talk about a few things around why do people choose this for for the people who are choosing it you know boldly audaciously saying this is my choice and I am happy about it I want to look at why why is this trend or this movie or this revolution happening two I want to talk about the reasons that it is 100% valid purposeful and beautiful to make that choice and three I want to talk about how you can lean into that if you're someone who it is your reality that you didn't have children but it wasn't by choice and maybe you could really feel a sense of warmth and care and empathy and fulfillment and encouragement and inspiration around what it means to live a truly meaningful life when that is your reality when maybe you thought it was going to be something else you know I personally love children I love to care about the future and what it's going to be like for the youngest Generations that are alive right now and the ones who will follow them I'm not anti-child in any way and so why on Earth then would I choose not to so we're going to dive into that this show is going to be an opportunity for us to to open our minds open our hearts have a meaningful conversation and I say conversation which might sound a little odd because it's just me talking and you listening but I say that for real for real because what I want to invite is that you take the prompts the questions I'm going to ask you and write them down journal for yourself contemplate think about it let it land let it spark conversation between you and people in your life send me questions feedback be a part of the conversation that's my invitation this show is not about me talking at you and and it's not about me thinking that I somehow know more than you about the topic I know how it feels when I'm listening to someone speak on a subject that lights up my soul it feels like a reminder it feels like an invitation like oh I'm just doing laundry or driving in my car or taking a walk outside and now all of a sudden in my ear is this reminder that life is more meaningful than this there's this reminder that my people are out there that it's okay to be deep it's okay to think about these things it's okay to be light-hearted and have fun and let our life and the mundane of Life be sparked with enthusiasm and it's okay to put icing on the cake of your life and these conversations do that for me and so I already know that you bring so much to the conversation and there may be an opport opportunity in the future for you know me to feature your story or you and so if this resonates with you please reach out I'd love to hear what it sparked for you for those of you who aren't in my inner circle who don't know me at all because you know I'm not a famous person I am I have actually hardly introduced myself yet on the show which is funny I'm on episode nine in episode one I talk a bit about well pretty in depth about why why I wanted to create this show one thing I haven't really talked about at all yet is who am I to do this what are my qualifications to speak on these things and so there's going to be more I'm going to sprinkle more of this in but I haven't found it to be of priority importance yet in short I work as a trauma informed embodiment coach I'm a sematic energy practitioner I'm trained as a raiki master although I don't love to to use that word and so for fun and what feels in alignment for me is I like to say energy Alchemist or I might say raiki Muse instead of Master but just to give you a bit of my background I've been studying for about six years different modalities that have to do with whole self integration and self- Leadership and so it's a form of life coaching that is actually just goes so much deeper into all the layers of self and so I have created my own style of practice that combines mindset coaching with emotional processing and intuitive knowing getting in touch with your intuition working with your energy so really tapping into all layers of self and then of course expanding outward into your life life outside of you and your response to that and doing the really deep work the shadow work the soul work the light work looking at your spirit your how your mind body and soul come into congruent alignment and so the work I'm doing with my clients on a daily basis is in this realm of meeting you with unconditional love where you are now and helping you to get clear on what it is that you are wanting and what is blocking you from already having that and the rest unfolds with how do we keep forward momentum for you in your life sometimes there's a deep excavation of things from the past and sometimes we are getting creative and we are expanding on what's already good and we are building and creating and envisioning and imagining for the future and the goal is that people come home to themselves that they feel safe and encouraged to be their authentic self that they are able to bring their life into alignment with who they really are so that is why I'm sitting here delivering this podcast to you a little window into the work I'm doing on the daily and why I felt compelled to offer some of the tools that I've invested a great deal into learning and applying to my own life and share them with you and share helpful empowering perspectives that have really opened up my world view and allowed me to live in a way that feels unapologetically truthful to who I am and what I have found is that giving myself permission to actually be who I am has healed a lot of mysterious ailments that I used to have what does all of that have to do with being a childless cat lady everything really because that is an that is an expression of me living a life that feels so good to me every everything that I just described the work that I'm doing in the world with my clients how I changed my whole career to do this work when I fell in love with it how I broke all the rules along the way of what you're supposed to want what you're supposed to do regardless of what anyone else thought even the people who I love so much this can be one of the hardest aspects of making life choices that feel honest to you if your mom your dad your siblings your caretakers your grandparents whoever it is that you you know when you were young felt like I it matters to me that that these people love me that they're proud of me that that they like my life choices I think almost I think most people can point to at least one person in your life who at some point you've looked up to and you've really hoped that they love and accept you for who you are that they're proud of your life choices that they approve that you feel deep belonging with them no no matter what right and so as you grow up you hopefully learn more and more about yourself and about what you want and either you feel yourself effortlessly in alignment with the people who are raising you and it's like yeah I want exactly what they want for me or they don't really have a preference or that there's never been a snag there for a lot of us there has been a snake especially for a lot of us who took the path of I'm going to be a childless cat lady and start my own business based on what I'm passionate about ooh that is a bold move and you know I can only really speak for myself and and and I can confidently speak from a place of having talked to a lot of other women and a lot of other people on this subject I everything I'm sharing on the show I want to invite you to apply to your own life I'm often going to use examples from my life or the life of people other people no matter what examples I'm using the invitation is that you can start to think about how does this apply to me and so that's my intention that you can use this as a way to think about what it's like for you I was raised by very loving parents and I was from a really young age grateful I I had a strong sense of how lucky I was that oh my gosh my parents love each other they're still together they love me and my brother and you know my mom loves to cook homemade food and we have family dinners and talk to each other and there's so many you know my dad works so hard for us and we have a nice house and my parents were always working really really hard to give us a better life I always got the s that that was so important to them that they could provide for us my brother and I a life that was um with good memories and that we we were cared for and I really felt deeply grateful for that from a young age even even if I can only imagine my parents listening to this right now being like oh really even when you were having a temper tantrum at the Chinese restaurant until we got kicked out not trying to say that I was easy to raise the the same stubbornness that I have right now that has me on this podcast saying you don't have to follow the rules boo is the same stubborn little kid that they had to raise so I have a lot of respect for how challenging that probably was because there's a truth to that I always had this Fierce Spirit of knowing what I want and being determined to stand for that and at at the same time I also have a very tender Compassionate Heart and as life shaped me and molded me I I became extremely sensitive to the plight of others to just all of the problems in the world and and the way that we we can hurt each other so much with with our words with our actions and I I remember being really in care of what making my parents happy and like wanting to be good enough and wanting to do a good enough job and of course I'm the oldest daughter ask any oldest daughter this is how they feel right they hold themselves to an impossibly high standard of impressing their parents and everyone else and they develop an extremely strong people pleaser and that's what I did let me know if you can relate to this but there came a time when I was I really think I was 12 years old old I could be wrong but in my memory I was 12 years old sitting at the dinner table I remember exactly where I would sit every night and my brother would sit over there and my mom across from me and my dad at the head of the table and we would talk about our day and we would eat the delicious food that my mom had made thank you Mom for all the incredible meals that you always always always made and continued to make for us when we visit um yeah it's just so special and I remember sitting there one night and I remember saying I think it was that my parents asked us you know how many kids do you want to have and my brother was so adorable he's younger than me what's up Paul shout out to my little brub brub Paul S oh my gosh I just said that in public sorry Paul love you he's actually such a badass and um if you ever meet him you'll be like isn't he your older brother because he's just so incredibly smart and way more mature than me in a million ways but um he was so cute and he would say that he wanted five kids or something I can't I don't want to misquote but he was very enthusiastic about wanting a family and wanting kids and um you know this was back when we were little so I'm not going to speak for him now but he was probably 10 years old 9 years old when he said that I was around 12 and I remember this night saying with so much just Brazen confidence I don't know that's how it felt to me I probably looked super awkward with my crooked teeth my big frizzy hair and I probably didn't speak as confidently as I felt on the inside I was actually really shy back then but sometimes when I was just with my family I would be really comfortable and outspoken at times and this was one of those times that I remember saying I'm not having any kids I am going to be a successful businesswoman and I remember how it felt when I just said that out loud I'm going to be a successful businesswoman and it's almost like where the heck did you get that idea little girl because there really when I look around my family and the people that were around me in my life I was surrounded by good hardworking people who were kind and fun and none of them were business owners none of them really even worked in the corporate world it was very my dad worked at a mill at a pul mill um and my grandparents both worked at a school my grandpa was a counselor so him and I were in very similar work now I wish I wish he was still here so that we could talk about it um and he was also a rugby coach and he's saying barber shop and he he has a really cool story but my grandma was a kindergarten teacher and there was a lot of teachers in in their family and then my great grandpa was an artist and um same with my uncle my mom's brother and you know all of my dad's Brothers have worked in I would say like industry jobs I wouldn't say anyone I knew at this time would call themselves like a business woman a business owner a business person not really hard workers smart people successful people in in a very cozy middle class family we didn't sit around talking about entrepreneurship we we didn't talk about personal development and um you know pursuing your creative passions as a career that just wasn't on our rate it wasn't as far as I can remember my parents were always very supportive of me being into art and writing and they were always like wow you know your art is so amazing your writing is so amazing and they were very encouraging but I don't think anyone took things like that seriously as a career and this idea I had planted in my brain of being a success UC ful businesswoman really fell out of Le left field I didn't have someone showing me that where did this come from right so it just feels I remember being encouraged from a young age you know like you should pursue being a teacher you should be an art teacher um there was like a very big encouragement of of doing something that made sense given you know what they knew about me and what my bringing was like doing something familiar to at least sort of familiar to anyone in our family line and our friend Circle so I just had this little flame burning in my soul that told me a different story and it was just probably entertaining back then you know I was is very like I'm going to be a successful businesswoman and I'm not going to be at home with kids and I'm not going to be a domestic goddess I'm GNA you know go out in the world and I'm going to change the world I'm going to help world hunger and I just had these ridiculous Ambitions and it's like but how but why where is this coming from you know can you relate to this so I knew I already at that age felt very connected to what my purpose was touching on it I wouldn't have known back then to call it that and I wouldn't consider myself a successful businesswoman that that doesn't really feel aligned but I am someone who decided to pursue my passions and do the most purposeful work to me and to be self-employed and to Me Maybe that's another way of saying successful businesswoman and I feel successful because I chose to do work that I love and I chose a career that I know I can keep doing forever and it gets to keep expanding because it's so meaningful to me and so back then it was like but why can't you be a successful businesswoman and have kids you know when I was young I don't think that I'd have a very intelligent answer about that I just had a feeling about it I couldn't comprehend myself as a mother and as I got older I really struggled I really struggled a lot with depression even though honestly like I already said I had a solid home life I was lucky enough to have parents who genuinely were really solid in caring for my brother and I and I was just a deep feeler I was academically pretty much near the top of my class all the time and I had no reason to feel the sort of level of Despair that I felt on a pretty regular basis but fast forward to now being 40 years old I know that what I was experiencing back then was being a highly sensitive person being an extreme empath being a deep Feeler and the quality that allowed me to be really creative and and to be able to write with depth and with you know in a way that um my teachers appreciated and noticed it it all had to do with oh there's this like deep care here and and when you have deep care there's there can be a lot of sadness that goes along with that when you're paying attention there can also be a lot of joy and I remember being one of those kids who was very ecstatically laughing out loud and running around and being really hyper and having big bold opinions and also going into like a withdrawn shyness and introverted way and locking myself in my room and crying and writing in my journal I remember having big big big feels for good and bad and um I began to develop a belief when I was a teenager that there's no way I could be a mom because I I can't you can't when I when I could recognize what it took for my parents to care for my brother and I it's like where's the day off you know where where is the day off to cry in my room and not have to talk to anyone I recognized what it took to show up for a family every day early on and I started to really notice my personal needs as a a deep Feeler and and how I would get emotionally completely taken out to the point where I couldn't function sometimes out of the depression I was experiencing the anxiety I was experiencing and I remember just saying you know cuz this topic came up from time to time like you really don't think you want to have a family like that seems weird cuz our family was close and why wouldn't you want to recreate this and I had this very strong sense of I couldn't do it I couldn't be a mom because it's such a full full fulltime commitment and I know that I'm on and then I'm off I'm high and then I'm low I'm I'm so sensitive to what other people are going through I feel so personally assaulted by other people's pain I just like I can't imagine being mom I feel like I couldn't get the kids to school on time so this was a bit later in my awareness of myself I was like you know I'm kind of a hot mess even though I'm getting almost Straight A's over here so side note I always got straight A's except for one B it was so annoying um yeah that's all about that but it really bothered me and I don't know if I talked about that in the perfectionism episode I think that was episode three but I always I it was really important to me to get stray days I was such a just I set myself to this high standard of achievement for whatever reason I know my parents encouraged it but I but in hindsight I feel like I was harder on myself than they were on me I feel like I felt like they were hard on me but it was actually me being hard on me and they being excited when I would do a good job would affirm to me that that's what's needed but honestly I actually know in hindsight that they would have loved me even if I wasn't a straight A student it's just I had a hard time believing that back then and it had a lot to do with my own just ambition that I just had it was like I need straight A it's so important to me and then I would always get a B in something usually B PE because I just wasn't good at team sports even though I was kind of athletic and I would do longdistance running and snowboarding and dance and I loved those things but I didn't like team sports and um I tried playing soccer for a few years because my best friends were on they all played Sports and um I felt left out I had fomos so I joined the soccer team and I remember that I sucked so bad but this one game I was kind of on fire and I remember that I got my first goal as a forward and I felt bad I felt bad for the girl that I had gotten past I felt bad that her coach was disappointed her and her parents and that she seemed sad and even though people were celebrating me I was like I don't really love this competitive thing it's so funny like that's how sensitive I was I just didn't even like to win at sports so needless to say my career with sports didn't last long I was so much more of someone who liked to study and learn and do art and and I was kind of a nerd that way but it didn't feel nerdy to me at the time because I felt like it was really important to slay at school to to be really good at it because I already had a sense of I'm going places with my career this is important and so I took it really seriously and in that experience of just being really hard on myself and holding myself to a high standard with my academics and experiencing like always falling just a tiny bit short getting that one B it was really frustrating for me and I remember just feeling so down on myself about that and I so I would go into these places of feeling so not good enough and I struggled with everyday life things quite a bit like getting to school on time you know I didn't grow up in the time when your parents drove you to school we had to get ourselves to school it was the '90s and so often you know I'd be running for the bus or I'd miss the bus oh my gosh once I started driving myself to school it was like o I'm 15 minutes late every day so yeah time management was not my strength I use the word was lightly because I'm still working on it um lot of improvement but definitely not perfect in that area so because of that the older I got the more I strengthened into this there's no way I could be a mom my kids would be late to school every day and they would hate me they would be I remember having describing this image to my mom of myself in the future as a teenager I said Mom I would be that mom who's still running around like a chicken with her head cut off and with my little 5-year-old kid standing in the doorway with their backpack on holding my keys like let's go mom and I'm okay just a minute and look if you're a mom and you're listening to this and that is literally you please do not feel bad it is not my intention to make fun of you and guess what you can be an incredible parent an incredible human being and have being organized not your strength this is what I have had to learn the hard way because before I realized that that was allowed that you still had worth even if you were late sometimes even if you were unorganized sometimes I was really really really upset with myself I really struggled with depression and feeling a sense of worth and I really hope that you feel that you do not have to be perfect at everything in order to be a good parent that is not my point because keep in mind this story is still through the lens of a teenager back then I really formed a belief I can't there's no way I could be good at it look at me I I'm not I'm not achieving high enough I can't be a parent really interesting that I had that perspective because I feel like when I when I'm really honest about it's like where did that come from I really don't think it was fully taught to me I think a lot of it was just me somehow some way putting that on myself for whatever reason and you know I'm not I could tell you a lot of why and all of that but I'm not going to dive into it for this episode because I've done a lot of work to understand myself and um that's one of the things we're going to keep diving into on the show as well so that you can also do that for yourself but as I got older the more and more and more I felt convinced and sure that I was not put on this planet to be a mother and for a long time I didn't know though why and I really struggled to lack a feeling of knowing why um I'm going to take a pause for a second to turn the light on because if you're watching the video you're going to notice that the sun is going down in my studio and I want to turn my light on so while I am taking a second to do this I want to give you something to contemplate on if you decided not to have children when did you know and what was it about okay so the lighting is completely different now if you're watching the video that's okay because sometimes I'm doing the show at night because the reality is when you do a passion project you do you add a branch onto your business you find a way to fit it into your life and I'm going to record the show at nighttime sometimes in my studio and it's going to be such an amazing Vibe so I'm so happy to get to do this and to get to watch the sun go down while I'm in here with you guys talking about being a childless cat lady so thanks for staying with me so do you relate to some of this or was it completely different for you everyone thought everyone in my life thought that I would for sure change my mind that how could a 12-year-old know what she wants How could a teenager know this how could a 25 year-old know for sure that this is what she wants I I really think that most people who knew me and loved me thought she'll change her mind you know she's just going through some stuff like she'll figure it out she'll realize that this is the meaning of life and she'll decide when she meets the right person she'll become a mom I think that is the expectation that a lot of people just expect is going to happen for a woman and a man too right like this isn't a conversation that is just for women um there's plenty of men who also have a strong sense or just humans whatever gender you are there's plenty of humans who have a strong desire to dedicate their life to something else besides parenting and actually my husband is one of those people so so grateful that I met a soulmate in this life who felt just like me about that and so I know that this isn't really a shocking story by any means it's everywhere every one of you has a friend in your circle who has a story like this they knew from a young age maybe it's you and it's also extremely common That No One Believes you until you get old enough I just turned 40 this year and now people believe me part of that is that there is a belief in the world that once you hit 35 I mean you may as well give up well I think a lot of women are proving that to not be true now and I always had this sense of even if other people think 35 is sort of when it ends I witnessed my auntie I didn't actually witness her but when I was a kid my auntie she had a baby at the age of 43 which she was so ahead of her time for for making that decision and um I always held that in the back of my mind as I could still Change My Mind One day it's not all over at 35 so you know I kind of want to just put that in here there's a lot of misinformation in the world about what is possible for women and this is one of those things and I know that there's science that supports how the risk can go up and what we also know is that there was just much less evidence to draw from there was a lot less women having children past 40 so that we didn't even really have enough information about what makes that still healthy what makes that still possible and as we're noticing you know people retaining their youth longer and people taking better care of their health and um women are having children much older and it's becoming very very normal in our society so if you're someone who doesn't have children yet but you want to one day make sure to advocate for yourself and do your own research and feel into what is possible for you because there is a lot of limiting beliefs out there that really run people's lives if you buy into it without asking questions so what is possible for you might not be the same as what was possible for someone else so you don't have to let other people's limiting factors be your own and on that note one of the reasons why this is even a topic worth talking about we're speaking about is that it really becomes a problem for people when you're someone who decides that you don't want to have children and I think we've all experienced that if you're someone who has chosen not to or maybe you're someone who just hasn't had the opportunity yet um the older you get the more people get uncomfortable with it until you reach a certain age and they sort of have to accept what has happened right so you know maybe and I hope you have supportive people in your life who love you for who you are and see your worth in the world with or without children but what I also see a lot of is that there are a ton of women who get really um met with the feedback from other people that this isn't good enough and so I want to dive into a little bit about why do people make this decision I shared a little bit about for me how I always knew and so much of when I got older when maybe it got closer and closer to well this could be a real thing this is now becoming a real decision I have to make um to be honest I was never in a position where it felt like a possibility even though I would have a long-term partner for years and years and then I would end up it would end up not working out and I'd have another long-term partner I was a serial monogamist one one long-term boyfriend to another um but you know I never ever even being with someone for almost 5 years I didn't have the feeling like I want to be a mom let's do it I still felt there is no way there is no way and I remember reaching a point where it began to really become a point of sadness for my family and I get it if you're if you're a parents who loved raising a family and you pour your life into raising your kids and then your daughter tells you I don't want to have kids and you really want grandchildren it's it kind of it's a tough one because I would never want to let my parents down I would never want to Rob them of the experience that they so deserve of having grandkids and so then it feels like you enter into this impossible situation of how do we make this right and I think we went through that a bit and I really spent quite a lot of time with really thinking about this is it okay if I choose not to is it fair of me is it wrong does it make me a selfish bad person um is it my moral obligation to have kids I really spent quite a long time especially once I met my partner that now I'm married to when I was 29 and then it really felt like okay we're in love he's my forever person I'm moving in with him if we're going to if I'm going to have kids I need to start thinking about it and so for years I really encouraged myself to think about this honestly will I miss out is it unfair to my parents is it am I missing out on one of the most important aspects of Life am I just being afraid is it me being worried that I'm not worthy is this what am I doing here like why don't I have the desire have I just brushed it off as not an option and I really honestly went to work on wanting to understand this feeling that I had wanting to understand myself wanting to heal from the things that made me feel like I wasn't good enough so I honestly seek a lot of support with that as well and you know all of that led me to do the work I do now but a huge part of me doing that work of healing a lot of the things I struggled with like depression and drinking too much alcohol and I'm being like so plagued with disorganization and indecision and things like that I was just really I I felt like in some areas I was really enjoying life and I felt very connected to the things that mattered most to me and in a lot of ways I wasn't living up to my potential and I really wanted to sort of reconcile that and figure out if I could heal the things that I struggle with then would I want to be a mom I don't want to miss out on that if that's what I'm supposed to do and also I I really even went as far as like having an honest conversation with my mom about I want to consider it like what would it look like if I did it what would your involvement look like how should we do this like it was really kind of a that conversation and I was open I was open to considering what it would mean if I were to honestly consider that and and what we both realized from that conversation and I don't want to speak on her behalf at all but I guess what I took away from it was and I feel she did too was that if I don't genuinely feel it if if I genuinely do not want this it is not right for me to do it for anyone else and as hard as that might be for anyone who I love to accept there is that truth and so I I said I was going to talk about why why why are women choosing to not have children well for me I really now after a lot of soul searching I think in the beginning I did feel ill equipped because of my emotional overwhelm that I experienced a lot when I was young but I have come to realize that it's so much more than that and it it's actually that I feel strongly connected to a purpose that I was born into that doesn't include that and when I connect to what really really really matters to me it makes sense I believe that having a family is incredibly valuable it's a incredibly beautiful way to dedicate your life I don't think any life choice is better I don't I don't think let's say 12-year-old me wanted to be a successful businesswoman that wasn't about I think that Superior to being a mom and taking care of the home it's really not about that it's about what is for me versus what is for you versus what is for her and him and them what is important I think for all of us to consider is that they're actually is not a prescribed best way we are all unique and when you look at these stats so I have this graph here in 1900 the world population was 1.6 billion in 1924 100 years ago there was approximately 1.8 to2 billion 100 years ago 100 years ago so in only 100 years which is a Lifetime right a long lifetime the population has exploded from 2 billion to now this year over 8 billion 8.16 billion now if you think about what that really means that rate of exponential growth of human beings in the world it makes sense to me that there is a generation that was born into feeling a shift that there's with each generation that is coming into the world now we have almost like a different assignment and when the population of humans has exploded to such a big degree from 1.6 to 8.1 billion in 120 years 124 years the the impact that has had on the earth is absolutely phenomenal and hard to wrap your head around and if you watched David aten bro's um documentary I didn't plan on talking about this so I forget exactly what it's called but it's something about being a witness he talks about the span of his life which is basically almost a hundred years and the number of species we've lost and so as the humans have as the human population has exploded exponentially the biodiversity of the planet has lost about 50% of its other species and it's truly remarkable when you watch that documentary where he really outlines this and not to be a Negative Nancy over here sorry if your name's Nancy let me say sorry to bring up such a heavy topic but also I'm not sorry because we do need to look at it and we do need to face the reality of it and I believe that part of why so many humans now don't feel the call to Parenthood on a on a deeper maybe more Soulful sense has to do with this I do think we're being called to respect restore some balance and I think it's imperative if we want the future generations to thrive in the way that we've been able to and we can clearly look around and see that so so so so many people are not thriving and are in fact living in horrible conditions and this is another reason for people not wanting to have children in a lot of ways the modern world right now the the state of the world right now depending on where you live and what your situation is in a lot of ways mothers are saying No thank you I can't possibly because of so many factors that have to do with families not feeling able not feeling financially able not trusting in a sustainable future being available there's so many factors and um I've been recently introduced to an incredible woman named Ruby Warrington who talks who's done a ton of research about this and about how there is seemingly a revolution of of a birth strike of women saying no I'm not doing it until these other things get better it doesn't make sense and so there are some very real and serious things we need to be thinking about as a collective and I believe that a lot of us were sort of born into a different Mission a different agenda and I remember saying I don't want to have one or two kids that I pour all of my attention into I want to have a thousand kids instead that are better off because of me I remember saying that right around the time that I was saying wanted to be a successful businesswoman when I was very young and what did I mean by that I don't want to have one kid I want to have a thousand kids I knew that I had a certain level of capacity and I already knew that if I'm going to um if I'm going to have kids I'm going to love them so hard that I'm not going to be able to fulfill my other things I know that a lot of women do but we have to be real with our own capacity and I already knew about myself I can't do it all and that's okay I think we all need to respect that people can't do it all and we shouldn't try we shouldn't necessarily try it is incredible if you're a mom who also has a successful business that is also your passion and you're a philanthropist and you're giving back to the world and I know there are so many women and men living in this way and there's a reality that not everyone is capable of that and I think that gets to be okay I think we need to be real with ourselves about what our capacity is and and actually live our life to its fullest potential based on truth not based on expectation and so I knew I can do both and and me saying I want a thousand kids that was me saying I hope the work I do in the world can help a thousand kids who maybe don't have something that they need whether it's an empowering perspective whether it's education whether it's food I don't know what it is yet I just have a sense that I have so much love to give and I need to be pouring it into other places besides my own small family unit I just have this sense of being a a sister of a global family of being a mom of a global family in some sense and now that I'm doing the work I do with my clients I can see how the the kind of work we do does directly impact the life of children that aren't mine and and so when I can expand that Vision outward into where I'm going with the work I'm doing and the work I Envision and hope I get to keep doing I can see how this makes sense and so doesn't it feel so valuable if there are women in the world and men in the world and humans in the world who don't feel the calling to the nuclear family unit and instead to feel the calling to help in a different way to pitch in to the Future in a different way because if every single one of us only cared about our family and only put our family first and and and like not only cared because we're capable of caring so much more than just our family but I mean if you have kids they're your priority likely right if every single one of us had that then there would be so many more people and and um animals and plants and things that the world needs us to tend to that would go without that care there are jobs to be fulfilled in the world that are different than parenting and there are people people who are the most equipped to do those jobs and so why why are women choosing to not have children why why are people choosing to not have kids it's for all these reasons it's it's thinking about like for one some people are just born into that feeling that inclination that knowing some people feel overwhelmed by the state of the world and they don't feel like they could survive parenting in this landscape some people are looking into the future saying what kind of world are we passing down some people are saying I do not have the resources I need to raise a family some people are saying there is something I am so passionate about and I want to pour my whole life into that and I think it's going to make a dent in the way the future unfolds people are connecting to other things that are equally purposeful and so that is another thing that I wanted to touch on is this if you're trying to understand someone who's making this choice and you just can't wrap your head around it because you think okay but when I had kids that was like the most meaningful thing to me and it gave me the most fulfilling experience and this is the purest form of love I've ever felt and so it would I I don't want to miss out on that and I think some sometimes when people are concerned for us that we're not having kids it is coming from a loving Place sometimes it's coming from a judgmental place of saying like um that's not a cool like your life is less meaningful some people really believe that but I think it stems from not understanding that there are Pursuits that are just as purposeful and just as needed and just as required for us to pass down a world that the next Generations can thrive in and so what I see is that the population exploded the biodiversity of the planet is is is dropping at an exponential rate and so the world is completely changing and of course tech and and Innovation is changing the world at a rapid pace and so what that's doing is it's requiring us to fulfill new roles that didn't exist before and so many people who maybe would have automatically become mothers are now stepping into other roles that didn't exist before that are now very much needed and same with fathers and men who would have been fathers and people who don't who who are just like I'm nonbinary and I I can't imagine being a mother or a father but I have a very important role to play in our society and all of this is true the world is evolving and what is being asked of us is changing and so people are born into this knowing we're discovering it through trial and error and there are a lot more jobs that exist now that didn't exist before and so people souls and hearts and minds are being called to do other things besides raise families and good things good thing because as Noble as it is to raise a family we can't keep reproducing at the rate that we were you know we cannot keep allowing the population to grow this rapidly this exponentially there's other things we have to care about besides humans in this world we we have to care about the ocean and the air and our water sources and our animals and our insects and our plants and we cannot underestimate the importance of this CU this is our life force this is what will keep the humans alive and also what kind of quality of life are we going to pass down to our kids if we're not thinking about how do we continue to evolve to match the world we're creating there's so many things to consider when it comes to what is a purposeful way to to spend your life life um creative Pursuits things that help people feel alive not just be alive it's all important education Solutions we need to be more Innovative and adaptable than we've maybe ever been and so there is so much to do with navigating how did people feel good and not just stay alive because a lot of people are not okay emotionally mentally physically in the world right now and there's a there's a big call to action on caring for people better and so uh this is how you know this is what I think is important to consider when you're perplexed about why someone wouldn't want to have kids or maybe you're perplexed about why you don't want to have kids and you're listening to this you know when it comes to this conversation and I'm bringing this up because there are whole entire social media accounts dedicated to people talking about being childfree and you would not believe the the fire in their feed from people who who are bullying them and saying that is not okay in the beginning of this episode I asked is it okay is it okay to not want kids a lot of people will tell you no the common things you hear are it's selfish it's um you'll never really know true love and you'll die with with regret and no one will there will be no one there to take care of you when you're old and gosh this now there needs to be a part two there needs to be a part two of this episode there's too much to talk about um because all those topics I just touched on I have so much I want to share about what the what I would respond to when it comes to those beliefs that people have but what I will say for now is that if someone is choosing to not have children what I want to invite you to consider and if it's you I want to invite you to consider that is it possible that their life Pursuit is just as important just as needed just as meaningful as people who choose to have children and especially now when we look at the world and what is needed and so if you're someone who is wanting children but haven't had the opportunity I have heard the saddest things that women have said about you know I wanted that but I didn't meet the right person and it just feels like my life is just less my life is less because of it and I never I it breaks my heart to think that a woman's worth that any adult's worth is less because they didn't produce another different human why are we not good enough as we were born why do we carry around a belief that the only way that you have a seat at this table fully on Earth as if you make another human and pull up another chair it's actually absurd if you think about it I do understand the desire to keep the family going to keep the family growing it's beautiful and there's so many different ways to create family when I think of all the kids out there who do not have the support they need and we just create keep creating more and more and more children it's sad there are people with hearts big enough to love children who are not their own and how beautiful is that there are people out there helping parents be better parents so their kids don't have to grow up with as much trauma how beautiful is that there is so there are so many worthy Pursuits in this world that have nothing to do with being a parent yourself or with giving birth to your own children there are so many people there are so many living things and just the planet itself that need our attention need our care need our love need our purposeful work so let that be as meaningful as it is that is my invitation there are people who are born with a perspective and a skill set and a talent and a vision that could help the future become a better place so let them do their job not everyone's here to be a mom and in fact when we force people to become that when it's not their calling it is a very sad thing it is a very sad thing and I know that there are people in that scenario and it feels like an impossible situation because when you become a parent that is forever and so this is not to be taken lightly and it is not to be pushed on to other people so can we hold people with love and respect when they say that is not for me and say gosh thank you for making the non-selfish choice and choosing what's right for you because in my opinion what is most selfish is having kids for the sake of belonging with the people that you think you need to be good enough for not because you actually want them and hey if that is something that you did it's not your fault and there's no judgment for you we don't know what we know until we know it and we're all doing doing our best parenting is one of the most ambitious things you could ever choose and so what I'm saying is let's not take it lightly and force it on each other let's understand that if you're choosing to be a parent that's a big role to fill and good for you if you're choosing it I love you you're amazing thank you for doing one of the hardest jobs in the world and one of the most rewarding ones in the world but please also know that the other jobs that need to be filled sometimes need to be filled by people who don't have families to care for first and we know who we are when we are those people no one can know me more than me no one can know you more than you and I think it's our job as loving people to trust each other when we say that is not my life path and the more we do that the more the world get gets to be shaped into a direction that we are happy to pass down to all the kids that are still being born there is no shortage of humans on this planet and when it comes to worrying about okay now I'm going to touch a tiny bit on these these things I brought up of what comes up you know I responded to the being selfish thing the um who's going to care for you when you're old oh my gosh look if you're having kids so that you can have dedicated caretakers for you in old age I think we all need to take a look at ourselves and why we're doing things because that is a pretty intense position to put someone in to birth them into the world and put them to work and say it's your job to take care of me as I age because I did all this for you that's intense I really believe there's a better way for us to love each other to care for each other to have community and family and make sure everyone is cared for without putting each other in the in these prisons of expectation and when you decide to have a child there is no guarantee that they are going to care for you or that they'll have the capacity to care for you so that is never the reason to have a child that's my opinion the reason to have a child and a family is because that is what your heart and soul calls it's because that is your purposeful Pursuit one of them it doesn't have to be the only one but please be choosing it because you want the experience of raising that family not because of what they'll owe you when you're old not because out of fear of not belonging in society so from one childless cat lady to all my fellow childless cat ladies I see you I love you you are magical you are here on purpose we have an important job to do for the future for the present and don't let the haters bring you down likely they just don't understand and I know this because there are people in my life that I love so much who feel differently than me and what I know is we're both right it is amazing to raise a family and it's also amazing not to it's amazing if your family is a husband and two cats I love my family I love my extended family I love my immediate family I love the people who I share my home with which is my husband and my two amazing cats Moon and Ember and I honestly am more happy than I ever thought I could be when I was younger because I've chosen time and again to follow my truth to trust myself to go after what feels right to me even if other people don't understand it yet eventually people get on board eventually people have respect for it eventually people understand I believe we want to be happy for each other I think the negativity that happens the Judgment that happens that happens out of fear it happens out of you you're worried for your loved ones that maybe they're doing it wrong and that's understandable I have so much love and respect for the ways that people don't understand my life choices they don't have to what I know is that I'm choosing what's right for me and I'm doing it out of love not out of spite because I don't think it serves anyone for me to live a lie on the behalf of someone else yeah it never will so please my love if you are a childless cat lady or you have people in your life who are a childless cat lady or dog mom or snake mom or flying squirrel Mom I hope that this episode has helped you tap into the truth of your worth of their worth of their place in the world that is so incredibly important and we all have our own story and I would love to hear yours I would love to learn more about what are the other reasons that people are choosing to not have children what is your experience with um um talking to your family your friends your co-workers about this um do you feel like people accept you and love you for this Cho choice or you met with adversity around it um do you feel guilty about it do you feel proud of it is it a bit of everything you know it's for me I've experienced a multitude of emotions around this subject and made a ton of considerations I don't take it lightly I know how big of a deal it is and ultimately I'm so grateful that I've always trusted myself when it came to this one thing because I knew this one thing was the forever thing that I could never take back and I had to choose on purpose and I do believe that if your fate was different if your Life Path turned out different it's also there is something in that for you something that I say all the time is how might this be happening for me whenever it feels like life is throwing you a curveball just know that maybe it's temporary maybe this is a chapter of your story that is meant to be written because the whole entire story is going to be epic and it needs to be told so no matter what chapter you're in when it comes to this topic of being a parent or not being a parent and loving it or not loving it just know for one you're not alone there is nothing wrong with you you are so worthy as everyone else in their choices and if you're going through a hard time with it right now this is one chapter of your life and you get to keep writing the one you're in and the next one that you are entering zoom out let your life be a whole story and ask yourself how might this be happening for me I want to tell you guys the story of how I manifested the most incredible kitties into my world when my husband was allergic to cats but that will be a story for another episode so from one childless cat lady to probably many many others I love you and you are valuable magical beautiful and amazing and please remember to send me your cat photos if this episode has been valuable to you please send it to a fellow cat lady or someone in your life who needs to hear this episode please share the love thank you so much I appreciate you and I'm so grateful that you're here my name is Stephanie so bog from Moon wild Studio thank you for listening