New York STATE PRISON, RIKERS ISLAND Stuck In The System,

[Music] hey everybody Welcome to the bounceback podcast I'm your host be luke I got a special guest with me today why don't you tell the people your name where you from and a little bit about yourself my guy what's going on everybody my name is DVS man I'm from Brooklyn Flatbush born and raised uh you know going through the system uh you know it's been it's been a rough ride you already know uh I I'm h i I do know a little bit about your story so why don't you just start with the um the YouTube channel what what's okay okay and then we'll bring it back so I got a uh a YouTube channel called stuck in the system uh where we talk about all things related to the system whether it be juvenile forer care group homes uh correction mental institions it doesn't matter we all a part of this system and I really just want to expose and uh shine light on how the system is uh perpetuating the cycle to uh keep people down and you know uh really just wna bring light to those things bro absolutely absolutely bro so me and you are on the same page as far as that goes so we're gonna bring it back man just talk about growing up and flat Bush Brooklyn bro what was that like um yeah that [ __ ] was it was wild bro that that that was a wild time for me man um hard story so I guess I could start where I I was in a foster home right um I got taken away from my mother when she when I was very young um she was you know she was using pills she was pretty much under on everything under the Sun but more so crack and all that um so I end up going to the system I end up going to uh distant cousin stood there for a little while but I was being abused by her because you know um they was drinking a lot so you know um she was wild I went to school with mad bruises and all that um the older woman she really couldn't contain me you know I was running up down the streets just whing out not listening uh so you know um they thought you know the remedy was a whooping back thing word like for everything so like I said I went to school they see some bruises and all that they call CPS they come and snatch me they bring me some f care I end up at the end of it all going through a few f forms and all that um a distant cousin or a distant relative to my mother comes and gets me and uh holds me down for like two and a half three years um I don't think they were anticipating my mother getting her [ __ ] together I really thought that they you know they was going to be my my um immediate family and I was going to stay with them but um you know the system works in a [ __ ] up way man the child will always go with the mother you know what I'm saying whether it's good bad or ugly um so you know they gave my mom's another shot she relapsed um so we we back in Brooklyn man like [ __ ] is Hardcore like we house hopping she taking over houses from uh people like making them sleep in the kitchen and all that um just wow man [ __ ] wow like you have some questions cuz I know I know there's got to be something that you uh yeah absolutely no no absolutely so sometimes I I Trail off and I get stuck in the moment you something I don't really think about too much but when I do it I get I get like oh [ __ ] that was a lot so your house hopping what about school are you bouncing around from different schools and everything what what's your experience like in school I know you said they you know they saw the bruises and stuff but how were you as a student were you disruptive were you misbehaving were did you take on to the work nah man I wasn't like there were so many things going on in my life man from a younger man like even from when I could remember even when I was getting abused by the uh the dist um mother's uh step sister or something whatever it is that she was um we call her a Lillian though a Lillian um yeah I don't know man uh so when do you start getting in in trouble man with with the law 11 10 11 I'm in Brooklyn now you know my mom's she she she having her parties you know get out the house um you know don't want to be you know back then adults ain't want you around them especially if they doing some wild [ __ ] so you know they peel off some some some some money and all that get ready real quick you know so that was always a thing I like that quick you know what I'm saying I I'll linger just get kicked out you know what I'm saying like here's some money get the [ __ ] out of here type [ __ ] you um so okay go ahead no not my fault bro go ahead I was gonna say what kind of things are you doing at 10 and 11 to be getting in trouble with the law well so you know when when when parents have addictions they usually link up with other parents that have addictions so um all the kids my age were from from parents that we knew they knew each other you know what I'm saying they was all getting high you know they was the fiends of the neighborhood you so we the fiend kids running around getting in the [ __ ] robbing [ __ ] stealing [ __ ] not going to school like I dropped out of school at fourth grade bro I wasn't I couldn't sit in class all day and I was more worried about what I was going to eat and I was worried about you know clothes and all that you know wearing the same [ __ ] every day is no no joke that [ __ ] is no fun either um but as I got older like 11 12 that's when I started stealing [ __ ] out stores and all that you know what I'm saying like trying to get Fly um so you know um [ __ ] is just wild man ain't no ain't no parents ain't no gu No Parental Guidance in the house um when I do go home you know it's a party and if you know those times when she didn't have you know I had to take care of because you know she was [ __ ] up you know what I'm saying doing all them drugs you know they go on the binges and they be done for like two three four five days you get [ __ ] together back again um so it was wild man it was like I didn't want to go back home and when I did go home it's like damn I want to CU I was sleeping in abandoned cars and [ __ ] like buildings and all kinds of like I really didn't want to go home bro like the smokeing that [ __ ] that [ __ ] was foggy I used to sleep in the hallway on the Baby mattress because I a't want to you know what I'm saying like that [ __ ] [ __ ] was wild you know how they play cards all night and all that you know they be playing cars get high and all that so that [ __ ] was like a everyday thing bro um yeah so I just I just started whing man just started getting into more [ __ ] more [ __ ] um I got tired of that [ __ ] like I got tired of that [ __ ] so um there was a ACS worker that was still involved from the time that uh from when I first had the ACs case um like that [ __ ] never really closed like they were always doing like uh investigations or keeping up I guess you could say um the the social work I had was Mr groan [ __ ] um I got tired of this [ __ ] man I called him like yo I can't do this [ __ ] like you know what I'm saying my mom's a smoking crack Ain no clothes ain't no food like I'm in the streets plus I was on the run for uh an assault and a robbery but it kind of it worked out at the at the perfect Tim you know what I'm saying so um I end up going to like group homes and [ __ ] I went to the group home and all that and um by going to the group home the case that I was running from I got lost in the system like in a good way you because now they don't know where to look for me at because it's like you know that [ __ ] is like three three [ __ ] levels deep you know what I'm saying there different agencies like M young um I'm whing out in the group homs now they send me to like a residential like a campus and all that um I end up going to aw from there I go back to the neighborhood this like a year and a half later bro I ain't been why did you dip why did you leave go awall honestly bro like uh at that particular time it was just you know I a want to I didn't want to be where I was at was a lock downam campus bro like I mean it was Co but I was like the youngest one there bro you know what I'm saying and it was just like I wanted to do my own [ __ ] like plus I wanted to go back to the neighborhood you know what I'm saying maybe figure something out something I don't know I'm just young and dumb bro just you know on my stupid [ __ ] was there a lot of violence in that group home oh yeah without a doubt you know what I'm saying there was a lot of you know fights and [ __ ] staff is beating us up and all that um you know [ __ ] like that you know what I'm saying it was one one group on I was in at Castle Hill me and this other kid we was the youngest we was like 12 and 13 at the time everybody else 16 17 18 it's like an independent living house you know what I'm saying you come and go as you please type [ __ ] you got a curfew get L all that [ __ ] but that [ __ ] ain't really running the way it sounds you know what I'm saying they had this one staff in there you know I'm saying we used to have to pay the toll to come in the house we have to take body shots and get in the crib like at the door bro I'm talking about yeah the staff bro like you want to come in the house you G have to take all these body shots [ __ ] us up but um you know that [ __ ] wasn't something I wasn't I wasn't used to so it was like all right [ __ ] it you know what I'm saying um but sh wild [ __ ] goes on in there man that M Wild [ __ ] goes in a group on bro that [ __ ] is like [ __ ] is like the learning it's the field like a how could you say it's OJT for [ __ ] Corrections bro you know what I mean like it's like the farm system they just preparing you for all that so yeah they just they just getting you ready bro that's all it is so you di from there now you back what running the streets same thing so I ain't lasted I Ain last 24 hours bro I went back to the hood I went to my mom house I seen uh my codefendant at the time that we had caught a case he uh he seen me I seen him I'm like oh [ __ ] what's up mind you I've been on a run for like a year and a half already you know what I'm saying so um I'm at my mother house I ain't been here in some time it's like 2 in the morning 3 in the morning knock on the door my mom's trying to get me to like try to hold them off and I can go down to fire escape type [ __ ] [ __ ] wasn't working bro she they got in there they they cuffed me up put I put my [ __ ] on they cuffed me up they brought me in and then it was a rat from they they brought me to um spford I went to spford I was there for like a month and then the group home that I was in decided to take me back with additional condition of release you right so um you know now I'm in their care but they're responsible for me like with like the [ __ ] charge now like they got they got to pay extra attention to me now um I'm there not feeling it I dip again [ __ ] go back to Hood I'm back there I go to the spot you know um just know my you I just came uh whatever the case may be um well D let let me bring it back to that first time 24 hours I mean you weren't even around like that do you think somebody told on you what's your my cendant told my codefendant definitely told on me um he knew you had the warrant well he he he had got off like he never made it to juvie like like I dipped I already went to the group home and all that [ __ ] so they never they never had anything you know what I'm saying that all that time pass he was already doing whatever he had to do whether it was an outside program or you know probation or whatever the [ __ ] it was um you know he took care of that [ __ ] already but I guess one of the the the conditions was you know what I'm saying because when he got caught they didn't know it was us you know I'm saying it was two other people um he ended up telling bro like yeah so you know they knew they so once I guess once he seen me or whatever I guess he spoke to whoever it is that arrested him or I had to [ __ ] deal with him and they came and they [ __ ] knocked on that door bro I like oh [ __ ] so the second time how how long did you last this time did you did you beat your 2 24 hours 24 less than 24 hours bro the second time the second time less than 24 hours bro um I go to to you know the spot I buy some but a little bit of money on me you know what I'm saying I just [ __ ] d from El Academy all the way from Spring Valley New York all the way to the city walking over to George Washington Bridge like we W like um sham near whatever you know what I'm saying um but there's some [ __ ] going on with the The Residency the person that owns the house is saying that the person that's there don't they don't live there but they're trying to they're trying to say y I got mail here they pulling the mail [ __ ] you know what I'm saying I got mail here they call the police police count out everybody's like yo everything's good you know what I'm saying like this is my [ __ ] y'all ain't got to move yo for whatever reason bro they wasn't respecting his [ __ ] bro they locked all of us up and supposedly there was a gun in the house so they they threw the gun on me so I ended up doing I end up violing for the conditional release and now I got a new one yeah so I go to trial for the gun charge and I'm like yo that [ __ ] was nowhere near around me like fingerprints nothing that [ __ ] ain't even M you know what I'm saying um so go to try beat this [ __ ] [ __ ] but I still got the conditional release so they like yo listen you got to go up state now you got to go to detention like like you got to go sentence up state so I'm like all right so they give me 9 months to 12 months it's really nine months you can come see the uh the committee or the judge and they like yo listen you doing your [ __ ] we going to release you but uh I a had nowhere to go bro you know what I'm saying like I a had nobody nobody was coming to get me so um that nine months turned into like two and a half almost three years bro wow so just talk about your experience in there for those two and a half to to three years I mean pretty uh pretty wild in there no yeah definitely man um S I go through I go through crosss then I go through spafford then I go to um Bridges and then I go to my facility I'm in a a cash cash residential is a it's a non-secure but it's like in the middle of nowhere we walk in we got the you know right the T and the Reds and all that we we on our hands behind our back like a y kind of situation but not really what's that like a like boot camp type of day yeah Y is a youth leadership academy that's where they where the camos you marching all that [ __ ] um that [ __ ] is fire you know what I'm saying if you can deal with it um so I'm there whatever get into a few fights and what not uh get into a bad fight they move me to uh Tryon I go to Tryon I'm in Tron now [ __ ] is it's not really like I ain't got problems with with dudes my my age you know dudes that's in there I got I got problems with the cosos the staff and all that they from all the way up there they hear my accent well not accent the way I talk and all that and um you know at that particular time um I'm super interested in in in Islam you so like I grew up around it I've been through it um my friends is you know they they're like devout Muslims but they trailed off you know what I'm saying the family old family is like devout Muslim but you know um lost their we some way somehow but it still had a big influence on me um so uh the staff there sees me I'm there for like I don't know for a little bit ready and he presses me like yo where you from I'm like Brooklyn Flatbush now when I said that [ __ ] they heard the way I said it they used to like white boys up there being like oh [ __ ] uh John or something you know what I'm saying like some some country [ __ ] and um you know that [ __ ] that [ __ ] made him angry bro the way I was talking like how my my my demeanor was the way I said it you know I'm saying because I'm I'm coming from the streets you know what I'm saying I done been through the shits already so yeah even though I didn't intentionally mean to say it with like just came out that way you know what I'm saying flat was Brooklyn like Fu you know what I'm saying so um he sees me again and he finds out that I'm I'm interested in in Islam and I'm studying the Quran and I got one and all that and whatever the case may be so he asked me one day when I'm going to the shower I got my shower slippers my towel my soap dish my wash rag and my change up you heard so walk into the shower it's one person at a time like they ran that [ __ ] like it was a super [ __ ] duper Max like there was no movement no wreck like that like [ __ ] was like wow so it's one person at a time for the bathroom and in a shower so I caus my Sal and all that I went to the shower before I get to the shower he like yo come here puts me on the wall he's like yo what are you and as soon as I said I'm mam yo bro before the M could come out of my mouth on a Muslim bro on the end of it yo bro I'm talking about dco these staff for like redneck country Corn Fred [ __ ] boys you know what I'm saying like he live in bells of hay and all that like like strong for his oxis bro now mind you I'm small I'm skinny bro I'm I'm young I'm like maybe [ __ ] 90 pounds maybe maybe you know what I'm saying 100 and something pounds maybe he picks me up so high bro he slams me on that floor bro he knocked me out bro out cold out cold bro I woke up oh [ __ ] Scramble for my you know my slippers like Trump you know I want my shoes on and [ __ ] you know what I'm saying my [ __ ] slippers and [ __ ] might do this again let me have some dignity or something you know I mean and you woke up what right there in in like the day room or they put you in right there no no like like like I'm show about like boom like I hit the floor I like I like [ __ ] turned off bro and then I woke up I'm still on the floor where he slam me at like he woke know I'm saying crazy so I'm out I wake up oh trying to put my [ __ ] back on try you know what I'm saying like you better not [ __ ] move oh [ __ ] that's when he takes me throws the Cuffs with me and brings me to the day room now they got nothing but rugs in the day room bro yo bro just him bro he over there [ __ ] rubbing my face into the [ __ ] carpet bro like a Hoover vacuum cleaner bro think about it so you got one leg and his arm the handcuffs and he's [ __ ] you know what I'm saying like pushing like on some football [ __ ] like you know when you push the racks like like pushing my [ __ ] yo bro my [ __ ] my [ __ ] was [ __ ] up bro like everybody and that that was a thing you know who was who and what was what if them kids if kids had rug burs you're like yeah stay away from him bro they they they on him like he got problem feel about grown man doing that to a kick because it seems like in juvenile like the the violence the staff on on Resident or whatever they call them is is a lot more seems like violent because it's obviously like you said you're 90 pounds 100 pound there young kids man 12 13 year olds getting slammed by like steroid head dudes like military dudes man I've seen it myself so like how do how do you feel about that man that's kind of whack bro so as I so as as a young and it's like y like you ain't got you ain't going to win this [ __ ] bro you going to have to just take the beating you know what I'm saying that's what I did most of the time you know to the beating and all that but when I got older bro like my thing is I pop on police bro you know what I mean like you're not going to do that [ __ ] to me again bro you know what I'm saying like cuz I'm older than now I'm a grown ass man you can't you know what I'm saying like so anytime the police try some funny [ __ ] bro I make sure I go in on their ass wow yeah you know what I'm saying so so um that's really what it did really gave me um trauma PTSD [ __ ] triggered by a lot of [ __ ] like I'd be feeling bad for these young boys that get pulled over anded up and [ __ ] H up that sh that happen to me you know how the [ __ ] go when you younger and all that [ __ ] thr on the board C like fond and all that you know what I'm saying do yeah yeah yeah what the [ __ ] you you know what I'm saying um now yo if that [ __ ] happened to me bro I'm [ __ ] around GNA be on the news bro yeah spazz you know what I mean like so it's like I don't know it's like I don't know bro I just feel bad for them because it's like if they start doing that to the older heads that already had the abuse coming through the system as youngest man you could start some [ __ ] problems bro yeah and they wonder why people are messed up and it's so hard to rehabilitate sometimes because of you know even though the physical pain and the physical abuse but it like it sticks with the mental a lot but you know what it is too bro sticks it's not even it's not I can't even say it's the it's the police but I can't even say it's the actual police it's the actual character of the person or the individual in the uniform and a lot of times it's the same character bro they all got the same complexity they got the same insecurities got you know what I'm saying they got author problems you know what I'm saying or or whatever it is they want to I don't know bro but yeah bro so so what happens you eventually get out because of what you like get to you're in so they so they they come to the point where it's like yo um we can't keep him on a charge that he's already done a time for we can't keep on extending his like we can't keep on doing this like it came to the point where like in my last year I'm like I'm chilling out like I don't want to be here till I'm 18 you know what I'm saying let me chill the [ __ ] out um they find a group home that's willing to take me again bro so now they find a group home it takes about six yeah you got to send a packet you got to send this that [ __ ] uh psych social all kinds of [ __ ] they got to have a whole pamphlet ready um they finally accept me and they like yo listen we GNA release you but you won't be on like parole for juveniles yeah but you going back to the group home so I'm like yo it's better than being here you know what I'm saying like I had no hope at 18 was like yo I'm just going to be here until I'm 18 you know what I'm saying but when they came up that group on [ __ ] I was like oh there's some light at the end of the tunnel this [ __ ] you so I go to the group home I'm chilling now I done did some time and whatever you know what I'm saying been through the phone the for and all that um I'm there [ __ ] starts getting weird you know what I'm saying so I'm like yo I'm out of here bro get the [ __ ] out how just um seeing weird [ __ ] you know what I'm saying like uh um from the other like kids there or staff both staff both both you know what I'm saying like you got mad weird [ __ ] going on so I'm like y I'm out of here you know what I'm saying like I'm I'm good I'm gone at that point ises that is that gonna violate your so uh it did but I I I mean I really I wasn't honestly I wasn't like I wasn't really thinking I was just trying to get away like I was just like y I'm out of here bro you know what I'm saying like this [ __ ] is not for me um so I'm in the streets now now I'm on my robing [ __ ] you know what I'm saying I was robbing [ __ ] before but now like I'm old than that you know what I'm saying so now it's a different kind of robbery you know what I'm saying it's not no run your pockets let me get your lunch money type [ __ ] this is like you know what I'm saying so I'm out there shaking the moving um I'm getting by you know what I'm saying you doing it like this Lone Wolf Style or like I'm just so I've always at this time I was banging Crips since I was [ __ ] 11 12 bro so it's it's to the point where I don't even have to like say yo which I'm this it's just oh [ __ ] that's that's you know what I'm saying like everybody knows you know what I'm saying so said at that point facts yeah you know what I'm saying so um I'm doing that [ __ ] I ended up uh getting arrested for a gun charge when I'm 18 um when I left juvan I went to that group home I was 16 and a half almost almost 17 so um I'm on to run for like a year not run but I'm out doing my own thing for like a year um get caught up for a gun chars immediately I cop out to the [ __ ] put on the island let me get that year I'll be home in eight months you know what I'm saying um first time you get to yeah Rikers bro um so I mean we hear the stories we seen the documentaries you know so now yeah I know for most it's like yo that [ __ ] is a nightmare you know what I'm saying but for me it's just like I gotta tell you bro like the group homes the foster homes the juvenile [ __ ] bro that [ __ ] is like it's they're all the same bro like it's it's so it's the transition and the steps is like Raz Isen is like I know this [ __ ] sounds crazy bro but like a second home bro you know what I'm saying a lot of people don't understand that [ __ ] but like when you in there and you really like dragging your nuts and doing what you want to do bro like you not with nothing um that [ __ ] is like the funnest bid you could possibly have they call razana Con you know what I mean right you can go in there you can shake ass you can be in everything anything whatever you want to be into bro you can find a lane for it if you like that you wanted to fall back are you able to fall back or is somebody gonna test you you gonna have to event so I mean so put it like this so somebody that's getting locked up that has never had any kind of history with the system and all that U fallback is you're going to go with the program like if you're not willing to put in work or your [ __ ] doesn't ring from previous events um you're gonna have to give up a phone call to get on the phone U you're going to be paying money to [ __ ] live in a house like give go to commissary dude is gonna be on you um you just gonna be on a slot time bro like you just you're going to be a non descript you know what I'm saying and you're just gonna you're just be on your standing up for yourself once or twice getting busy show people that you ain't really going to be if you don't do it the first time if you don't do it on the first one on I'm talking about you can't let nothing slide if you don't do it on the first one and make that Bell go off you want your name to be flown around before you even get to the house bro yeah you know what I'm saying that's that's the way it goes you know say you start bumping into a lot of these people from like group homes and um juven New York big I know n it's not it's really not bro yo bro every bid that I get on bro whether it's from not a bit bro from all the way from FSE care to [ __ ] Corrections bro I was with dudes that I was I was in the system with bro like we all we all went through this [ __ ] yeah we was all in the system running through this [ __ ] whether we s juvenile forone group home [ __ ] whatever everybody every you know what I'm saying and that's how you you make sure your resume is good and out here in New York is different like your resume is uh you got to start that [ __ ] from Young bro yeah you know what I mean it can't be 30 you can't be 30 talking about you know I'm I'm the guy nobody heard of you before like you ain't never been nowhere you ain't never did nothing like with anomally what the [ __ ] are you talking about you know what I'm saying so um yeah n it's it's something that that comes with his starts from when you young bro I remember even be before going to spaer Bro me and my little crew was like yo it's not if it was when yo when you get this spord bro you better hold it down you better not be nothing and we would be like I'm not going to be with nothing nothing and then we joke on each other now you going to be the one that's you know what I'm saying and then when we got there we just made sure we stood on our square and just kept it you know all the way whatever it is it is what it is you know what I'm saying that's that's the way we was BR up so that [ __ ] wasn't like foreign so I like oh [ __ ] no violence no listen bro it's it's something that's taught from a very young age bro you I already knew where I was headed like I knew with your affiliation in Rikers were you guys the minority compared to so on that particular bid in New York state there's not a lot of Crips bro like and the ones well so there it starts off with a lot of Crips and then um the real rights always stay real right and everybody else usually goes on some you know be quiet and just ride this out hopefully you know I mean I I I get by nobody knows but um when your [ __ ] is known like bro it is what it is number one almost well n because it's a lot of real rights bro that getting in I'm talking about I was in fish skill man and I had two two the ls that's from Flat um from Brooklyn flat one's from flatb and one's from um UDA and all that um over there in Crown height um peut and my son Rockefeller on walkways bro during program time they coming back to the house talking about y I just got it in with the big homie for the for the for thee eyes and my son made it back to the house like yeah I put him in you know saying so it's like after you do that your [ __ ] work your [ __ ] is real good you pretty much all right son like you might have to get it in every once in a blue but nine times out of 10 and [ __ ] is your [ __ ] been rocking the Bell been ringing and your name is known ain't nobody really you know what I'm saying like you would have to be like manipulated by one of these [ __ ] to really be you know what I'm saying thrown to the wolves like that just just crash dummy [ __ ] you know what I mean got you but that's rare rare that first year that first so you say got a a year for a gun right for that first one bid that whole bids in Riker's Island or how how does that yeah whole thing is on Riker's Island you don't minimum or nothing like that okay no no straight Ras Island um you do go to a sentence building though you go to the uh yeah for the sentence uh you know gotcha County time because anything under a year is County anything a year in a day is is State time okay got you got you a little bit different than Mass Massachusetts you could do up to two and a half and they can even hit you with like some on and after this too but some people do but so the only time you would do more than like eight months on uh sentence Insider reg island is when you got like two they call it two bullets running wild so you took two bullets running consecutive so you do your eight months for your one year and then you'll start the other eight months for the other year and then you'll get out you know what I'm saying from and after on and after same thing different terminology I see what you're saying so so you get out what's what's that looking like you want any sort of probation or anything like that so nah you ain't get no prob I Ain no probation it was a flat take that and then you go back to doing whatever it is that you plan on doing on okay came out did you learn your lesson in there absolutely not so you know I came out um still on my my [ __ ] back to the same program same agenda you know what I'm saying I'm just trying to be a lot smarter this time you know what I'm saying so um I contact somebody that I was in a group on with um supposed to be like my brother but he was like my brother man like you know um he was tin King I was [ __ ] you know what I'm saying everywhere I went I was repping I was getting it in it didn't matter I was always that one to what up you know what I'm saying like on my [ __ ] so me and him had a uh I guess a good click because he was kind of on the same time but a little bit quieter you know what I mean um so I come out I I link up with him I'm like yo son you know I need a spot like you got a room for me or something like you got something I could you know what I mean this particular time he's messing with a Fe she uh she's a part of the same organization her mom's owns a house in Staten Island and they got the whole organization in the house bro like everybody's renting rooms so this house is all all King and I'm the only cripp in there you rocking beads and flags and all that coming back and forth from Brooklyn stolen cars and you know I'm on my [ __ ] I'm on my [ __ ] I'm near for a little bit came back from doing doing some wild [ __ ] or whatever I'm smoking my weed somebody come back to the crib like yo we up there getting it in I don't even know these dudes like that I've been keeping it real smooth you know what I'm saying like I ain't I'm not really like there's nothing to really talk about you know what I'm saying we're both on different uh you know lifesty is the only way I can say it and we're we're only showing respect for one another because of my men you know what I'm saying like this is all [ __ ] that has not been said but is understood um so you know somebody come back to crib I I once I hear my man is up there I run up there get it in um now mind you they're fighting like 20 people bro [ __ ] there's only like five of them they come back they got meet up so there six um get up there get it in they've been they've been fighting for like 15 minutes already like this wasn't no like Just Happening like this is something that's been taking place for quite some time so when I get up there um you know I'm fresh I get it in um drop drop drop drop and then I don't know I guess somewhere along the lines [ __ ] got start tired of fighting bro it just started stabbing [ __ ] bro you know what I mean so on both both sides kind of no no no I just just iide five against 20 I mean you know even a little bit with I guess yeah you can say yeah so um once the police see somebody bleeding and getting poked up that's they've been watching for like the whole fight bro like the whole [ __ ] even before I got there so they deci to flash their lights and they jump out this particular time I'm in so adiss to getting it in I'm I'm I'm pinging off the [ __ ] now you know what I'm saying so once I see the lights I'm like oh [ __ ] I get on my G low [ __ ] I go I run behind somebody backyard I climb up on the garage roof and I lay there for like 45 minutes and the whole time I'm laying there I'm hearing the police cars ride around like you hear them horses running you heard I'm like oh [ __ ] them [ __ ] is powerful so I'm on the roof I know somebody just passed you know rest in peace to the victim and all that it could have been we all I mean I knew that it could have been any one of us you know what I'm saying I knew when I went up there I knew what the consequences could have possibly been and I still went you know what I'm saying I hope the same mindset was with everybody else too you know what I'm saying because that would be really [ __ ] up to go up there and not really have those intentions and then you be the one to get the [ __ ] [ __ ] under the stick you know what I'm saying um so I'm on a roof and you know here in the beginning of yo somebody get an ambulance he's gonna bleed out so sun is bleeding out now they trying to get him put him in ambulance or whatever but he didn't make it you know what I'm saying he he he uh he passed before he got to the hospital um so now I'm waiting I go and I chill into somebody's porch to the house connected that I was just on and I wait there for like 45 minutes and then I go in front of the house I take off my shoes and my shirt and smoke a cigarette act like I live there and mind you this [ __ ] just happened one block away you know what I'm saying like this [ __ ] just took place two three hours ago so I'm I'm like Y how do I get out of here I try to um you know find a way but there's a a way to get there to the house that I was living in through you know a block and a train track and I could jump down so I get over there I do that I get down I'm on a I'm on a land like two weeks now the the I guess the big homie or whatever was trying to get me to um help me get off the island because you know that was the main the main goal I'm like y i i want to stay here no more I want to get the [ __ ] out of here so he's trying to help me get up out of there he ends up bringing me the homicide and gang intelligence um wow so now you know I get I get caught for this body charged with murder in a second um they are have of like anybody else codefendants or anybody else they had everybody everybody so one one of the so there was six of us so the one one of them got released because the big homie of their organization decided to give up my vest and my guns so when they got me it's kind of like a swap you know what I mean like they let him go but off the fact that they handed me over and it gave them the we weapons and [ __ ] um well not evidence to that that's some other [ __ ] you know what I'm saying that [ __ ] never even came up bro it was just like a get out of jail fre like a bail kind of situation like what you need you need him and this like we'll give you everything you know what I'm saying um so as I went in he went out um so it was a swap um so we going to court now 18 of Life first offer no bail I take it right then my reman bro [ __ ] REM bro I wasn't expecting no B I have nowhere to [ __ ] go wait you said up back to Riker's Island and yeah right straight back to R and you start Tri or whatever you know what I'm saying what's going through your mind bro when they talk about 18 to 20 I mean are 18 of life I told my lawyer immediately immediately at that particular time he said yo they offer you 18 of life I said yo I will take the 18 flat right now what's up he looked at me like yo chill out kid like we still got some time like you know what I'm saying this [ __ ] ain't even start yet I'm like yo bro 18 flat right now I'll be home in best shape of my life I'm 19 I'd have been home at 36 35 or some [ __ ] like that you know weighing the risk verse reward like you just didn't want to that L pretty much yeah just I don't want the L because the L 18 will turn into 30 bro you in life at that young age I mean what over what if you live to 100 that's 80 years bro no eventually so at the particular time it was they're deucing you at the board they're giving you 24 months for anything nature of crime [ __ ] disine every report you looked at them wrong you smelled funny it doesn't matter bro they [ __ ] hit you with 24 they see you in two years type [ __ ] it doesn't matter bro if you had every [ __ ] program Under the Sun they recently changed that because of uh you know everything that's taking place they started letting non violence and life is go but at that particular time I ain't know nothing about that all I know is I don't want nothing with a [ __ ] L on it let me get a flat bit you know what I'm saying flat 18 right here is not too shabby I'll be all right right you know what I'm saying I I go I'll go in a stupid dumb [ __ ] but I come out a real intelligent I was thinking all these this [ __ ] was going on my head I'm take college or whatever I'mma do this I'mma do this I'mma do that and you know um that's where I was at 18 let me get 18 flat right now he looked at me like yo calm down kid yeah slow down kid like yo chill and then you know then the next one was uh like I think they they came with uh 15 and 10 and then um we went to trial and um we go to trial first hearing mad missing evidence lack of evidence let me rewind why didn't you you said this came with 15 and 10 you were willing to take 18 why didn't you take like the 10 was it because it was still 10 to life or n so at this particular time when he told me that 18 to El he's like yo listen we gonna go to trap because the only way that could possibly take place like if they wanted to it would be like you would have to get a severance like it would be have to be weird [ __ ] going on you know I'm saying so in order for us to take our play at the time when they finally came to us after like our first hearing um if my Cod D that originally you know admitted to you know poking son up if he didn't want to take that offer it was a rap we was going to try so they came at him with uh 13 and a half 10 and five so me and my other looking at like you know you know take this [ __ ] like uh you know we going to Tri you know what I'm saying like whatever happens happens you know what I'm saying so I said yo 13 and a half ain't too [ __ ] shabby for a [ __ ] body bro like I jump on that [ __ ] right now for you like we all you know what I'm saying so you know um thank God he took that [ __ ] and he a want to get crazy you know what I'm saying because it was our first hearing bro like if if we had went further it would have been like a 5050 bro like if we would him at the trial like we would have probably [ __ ] we could have possibly maybe on some technicalities some lack of but if not was slam dunk this typ like it was just at that particular hearing was like yo listen we gonna go back in Chambers and we gonna come with something um because it made the officers look real bad you know what I'm saying the fact that they was watching that [ __ ] for so long yeah you know what I'm saying it showed that they they could have they could have prevented this [ __ ] from happening way before it ever took place you know what I'm saying right so there was a lot of technicalities and all that but um yeah bro um [ __ ] i' have took 10 if they you know what I'm saying without no funny [ __ ] or some [ __ ] up [ __ ] or having my Cod D um you know put in the [ __ ] up situation yeah 10 right now let's go so what end up happening do you do you go to trial do you take it all the way no so we went to hearing our first hearing and that's when all this evidence that was uh you know lack of the negligence on the officer's behalf the fact that he was watching [ __ ] the lawyers was going in so bad that the judge had to say yo listen you're beating a dead horse uh we gonna go in the chambers comeing to Chambers they went over there they did their thing they came back with the offer and it was a WAP 13 and a half 10 and five I can't beat that bro okay so what you take for time five what was your sentence five years five yeah okay so you made out pretty uh so how'd you feel about that you feel you felt good with that ple I take it of course of course um but there was a lot of other [ __ ] that was going on in the miss that [ __ ] you got to remember I went up there for my man and he the one that ended up turning on us you know what I'm saying like these codes that I got that I'm fighting this case but I don't know them I don't know them me how do you how do you feel about that about your mans right because it seems like you never really had like your family to really be that tight with you and to be that you know support system so I'm sure your your boys on the street was probably like your your brothers you know what I mean I mean did you feel betrayed I mean did you the game and everything different so it hit harder with me because we came through the same kind of struggle even though we was on opposite you know what I'm saying we wasn't in the same affiliation we still had the same trauma and then we went through the same [ __ ] and we had this this uh this bond that was uh you know it's hard to find because you got to meet people that been through [ __ ] like you to really have a real connection whether you know um trauma it really does affect how people come together you know what I'm saying um so I thought it would have been different but at the same time I can only be real with myself there's a lot of red flags that I overlook bro you know what I mean like uh so I was hurt but I wasn't like shocked bro right you know what I mean like it was just I've been told on before like I had a cool D that told up too man everybody's getting told on by their man everybody got the same story kind of you know what I mean somebody's telling on them that they wouldn't think so it like you said it's not shocking yeah it's not shocking and it's like um my [ __ ] is yo uh you [ __ ] up your whole your whole resume is done now you know what I mean like your your whole jacket is [ __ ] son you better never get locked up again you know what I'm saying you better not have any kind of [ __ ] interaction with nothing or nothing um I don't know I just at the end of it I kind of felt bad for him you know what I'm saying like right your life is [ __ ] now you know what I'm saying like I know that sounds crazy bro on other end of that probably better you don't you didn't have no you know your jacket ain't messed up and you ain't I mean first and foremost I mean that's that's that's that's that's what should be worried about first and foremost you know what I'm saying like we knew what we was doing I knew the the intentions of when when I when when I do [ __ ] I know the consequences in my intentions so I know that me going forth there's consequences and if I get jammed up I got to deal with those consequences that's why 18 flat wasn't too [ __ ] shabby bro right how many other times it's done happen and I ain't get caught for it you know what I mean how many other times you know what I'm saying so let me get that [ __ ] right now I want that [ __ ] all day so how's it working in the state prison then you get what you get your time you go to like a classification joint or or so you on an island you you end up getting sentence or whatever the case may be now you got to wait on the island for like a month and a half two months for uh the state come and get you so now you just waiting they come and get you they bring you to either if you got a if you got anything five and above and it's violent you going to um down state if you got anything five and below and it's nonviolent you going to Oster so I went to downstate went to downstate I stood there for like a month and a half close to two months and then you just in your cell 23 bro like single man C like you talk through the door and all that read your books and all that but ain't no real interaction unless you going to the yard the reception sucks bro so nobody's really trying to talk to nobody the cosos don't want you talking to each other like [ __ ] is wild so go there and then they send you jail I ended up going to fish G um which was not too bad you you know what I'm saying it was a few cutting stabbings and [ __ ] but it's really the COS bro cos is [ __ ] notoriously ruthless bro like they catch bodies on a regular basis you know what I'm saying never get to a point where like the the inmates the so-called inmates kind of want to band together and kind of stand up against the yo bro let me tell you something that's adate times talking that's Attica [ __ ] BR that that's long gone with bro I know Killers I'm talking about Killers bro them cos put them on the wall bro you in compliance bro you're you're GNA get what to get right you're gonna act right and you're not gonna do no dumb [ __ ] because you're gonna die yeah I had somebody on that went to Lake View the the boot camp yeah yeah sh sh y bro yo Lake View yo there's no rules in Lake View bro like if you if yo bro they'll put they got to beat they got they got to beat up Squad in there like and they will [ __ ] you up bad I'm talking about like disfigure you bro and then send you to another jail and be like yo could should have kept your mouth shut type [ __ ] you know what I'm saying or whatever it is because a lot of them dudes they they see that the women or or dude's Wives come up because shock is really for like you know kingpins and drug dealers and [ __ ] like that's really like um you know get to the bag and they caught they caught a good good one you know what I mean they got a good lawyer they fell in the [ __ ] parameters the [ __ ] you know what I mean like they had the cake you know what I'm saying so these cosos know that you know what I mean like they know I know I can send you upstate because you might have seven years but you might been already down in the state for a year and a half two years and you got called for shock I know for a fact I can [ __ ] all this up right you'll be doing your whole bit you know what I mean so it's like they get nasty with it and then and then if you got a bad shorty or wife and they feeling her and they think that you are lame or whatever the case may be bro they put the targets on you it's over bro D they're real nasty bro they real real sick individuals bro absolutely at at what point do you have a a shift in in your mindset where it's like I don't know you start to to change for the better or does this not happen during this oh no it happens it happens somewhere along the lines um somewhere in the time of being on ra Island and ready to take that 18 you know what I mean like every time before we went that hearing it was yo I'm ready to take whatever without a life on it you know what I'm saying like what's going on you know what I mean so um somewhere in that in that time knowing that you know I was ready to take all that time and then catching five is like yo it would be disrespectful to the person that lost their life in your case to [ __ ] do some dumb [ __ ] and just [ __ ] [ __ ] up you know I'm saying like I'm like I'm into the you know the universe and all that some you know the Warriors way and you know what I'm saying and all that [ __ ] so you know in a weird way I took it as yo this this man had to die for me to really see who I had to be you know what I'm saying and become a man that I that I need to be you know what I mean I know that sounds [ __ ] up the most but um that's the only way I could chalk it up you know what I'm saying well it's that's the silver lining you know you try to find that what kind of things were you doing with your time to try to change for the better I mean did you pursue education like did you try to get a GD so yeah yeah definitely um I went in there with my math grade level like [ __ ] Seven Grade bro um I dropped out at fourth grade I stopped going to school I already told you that but um yeah my reading wasn't too too too good either you know what I'm saying like I'll be able to read and comprehend but nothing crazy you know what I'm saying so my thing was yo I want to go in here and I want to get my GD I want to get some college credits you know what I'm saying I want to go in here and really like sharpen this [ __ ] you know what I'm saying because I was out there doing wild crazy [ __ ] I already I know I know I got the the um you know what I mean but there got to be some some some wit and some brains behind the [ __ ] so I'm like yo this only this is only time for me to sharpen my [ __ ] up you know what I mean like become you know who I need to become so it was just I a want to be around no negativity I mean it's always it is what it is we can do whatever you know what I'm saying but y I really didn't want to be around that [ __ ] so you know I did my hit in the bag boxing pull-ups dips and push-ups and um schooling that's all I did from my first year up north Man U my [ __ ] was like a 2.4 math level and like a 4 point something uh reader level bro I got my [ __ ] to a 10th grade reading and math with an Year bro like I stood in my [ __ ] do my my [ __ ] on and just Z out you know build your confidence oh yeah especially when I started learning like math equations and formulas and all that and um you know really like having time to really like get into this [ __ ] um yeah of course bro yeah it definitely did because I wasn't really into the school [ __ ] bro like I was never into the school [ __ ] Bro the clothes and the food thing was the main thing on my mind so I wouldn't be able to sit in school with my [ __ ] dirty and [ __ ] up and my stomach growling you know what I'm saying I couldn't pay attention to nothing you was telling me go when I get out of here what the where am I going what am I doing what am I eat you know what I'm saying I go go back to this crack house [ __ ] bro you know what I mean like I'm not thinking about [ __ ] nothing y'all saying so yeah um did you find yourself starting like actually liking learning and liking school no bro like the fact so I think about about it right and I think about yo if I had the basic necessities of uh safety security and and you know clothing and food right there's no [ __ ] telling where I could have excelled that you know what I'm saying like if I had that that that that nurture vers nature [ __ ] really you know what I mean like uh I probably would have never went through the [ __ ] I went through bro you know what I'm saying so I I really do wish it was something that um I was able to catch early right you know what I mean because um right when now that I think about it as I was learning those formulas and I was doing [ __ ] and I was achieving get hundreds 90s and all that I'm like oh [ __ ] who would have thought right you know I'm saying so it's like um yeah bro I wish I just had the opportunity to do that [ __ ] at a younger age to safety security and you know the food and the clothing cuz that's that's the only thing that you know I was really worried about bro everything else was like yeah like I said the basics for you know what basic for for most people was you know you trying to get that by yourself as a young young kid man so it's a definitely a messed up situation when you start to get closer to wrapping this thing up right I mean you start to develop a plan so or was it more just the mindset change I used to have nightmares when I was in when I was up north right and and it's it's a double ass sword because some of the best sleep that I've ever had in my life has been in jail I know that sounds wild to most that's listening but um yeah bro like I want to say like my last two years man I started really like digging in because I ain't had nowhere to go bro I ain't had nobody saying yo you can come live here like I a had nobody you know what I mean so I knew I had to go to a halfway house I knew I had to get this get that I'm like yo they won't take me without my birth social credit card all ID all that [ __ ] so I'm writing some [ __ ] um inmate leaz on and all that [ __ ] you know sending out for my social security card my birth certificate you know everything my GED so I had all these papers when I got out because I know you know I was going to be more sellable trying to go get a job and trying to go to school and all that kid you know not have just one one of those identific is missing bro it's over bro it's like you're set back 90 days and then a lot of [ __ ] can happen in 90 days you got to get back to the old ways and pick up the steal then [ __ ] it's over bro then you're back where you started right back where you started so I say yo I gotta make sure that I got all my eyes doubted and my teth crossed before I leave this [ __ ] man and that's what I did man I made sure I had everything everything situated um and then you know got released at a halfway house rolled into a welding school bang that [ __ ] out um got my own apartment um and I was just doing what I needed to do I had a few bikes had a few cars um you know lost it all gained it all [ __ ] you already know bro go through it to get through it what about programming and stuff like like that other than like education so the main the main thing I did I just hit the bag bro everything was the bag and the bar bro so no from the administration no like so yeah you do that like school or like so you got that that's a part of program so that's a part like like that [ __ ] is mandatory so you got like if you got any kind of drugs on your [ __ ] you taking ASAP for six months you're gonna be somewhere on that weight list bro you're doing ASAP you know what I'm saying and if you don't that's a cause for losing your CR and your [ __ ] your pro your parole Dae and all that they can your ass so you got Asad you got to do that you got anger management you got [ __ ] if you got school you got to do a school and then you got to do uh you know um a facility job you know what I'm saying whether it's it nine times out of 10 bro people are usually doing trade in school you know what I mean [ __ ] ain't really doing Porter work or the yard or whatever but then you you got a jail like fish gill this is what got me into the welding they were welding the beds and the lockers for the whole state courtcraft Okay so they taught you to trade even though you was you know perpetuating a cycle you're still learning a skill you know what I'm saying so that [ __ ] intrigued me bro so as soon as I came out I went straight to the [ __ ] um important for you to want to um to get a skill to try to develop a skill in because at the end of the day bro like uh I know that the way I was doing [ __ ] before bro it was like it was even I was going to end up in jail for ever doing a lot of time well I was going to be dead you know what I'm saying and at that particular time that's the way my thinking was it was I'm living dayto day type [ __ ] you know what I'm saying even though I might schedule or pay my bills six months in advance I'm still living dayto day you know what I mean so um the mindset changed was when I started thinking for for the long run like even on shortterm goals I believe that's what really got me like to where I started looking at the long term you know what I mean cuz when I started achieving those short T goals I like oh [ __ ] it's not it's not that hard to achieve these big ass goals you know what I'm saying so um absolutely yeah well there's time to oh my bad to cut you off I just wanted to ask about like the self-reflection while you're in there like what are some things that you learned about yourself with all that time to yourself and time to um honestly that that no matter how bad this storm as long as you stay [ __ ] grounded bro you will not be uprooted you know what I'm saying like just stay grounded within yourself your principles your morals and um you know what's right and what's wrong everybody you know some people say they don't have moral compasses and they don't understand the you know right or wrong from the center you know what I'm saying like I don't know what the [ __ ] that is I know what it is you know what I'm saying um some people don't you know what I mean but um I got it just it just it just really it gave me more strength in in my Foundation bro yeah yep build the foundation of concrete instead of saying you know what I mean the house is more likely to to stand man and you know nowadays there's a lot of like glorification of you know criminal lifestyle in movies and music and everything like that so I always like to ask you know like what's the worst part about prison in your opinion if you got life having to never go home having that L on you you there's a good chance you might but you really don't there's no light at the end of the tunnel it's just like yo they can close the gate whenever they want to it's like um you know you got 25 life but you'll end up doing like 36 and and unless you die before that [ __ ] is you know what I mean um because anything without an L on it anything without L on it there's hope at the end of it absolutely but what about while you're in there is it like is it the co part of it like that how Wild they could get in in abusive is it the the fact that so I'll tell you this I was never worried about inmates or or any kind of convict being in in um the system bro um I was always worried about the [ __ ] CEOs bro because if they want to lose you bro you can get lost bro like like you'll be in a pond box bro and they'll just tell your people that you die like w you know what I mean like and I know this might sound scary or whatever the case mean but a lot of them cos bro them beat up squads they be really low-key serial killers bro right you know what I mean like they be real psychopaths bro like I'm talking about sick [ __ ] bro so I wasn't really worried about anybody around me I was worried about the C was like I hope none of these [ __ ] get a thing for me my experience you know what I'm saying so I'm going off trauma and [ __ ] like yo I'm I'll be around to see I stay the [ __ ] away from them bro you know what I'm saying I don't want them to look at me I don't give them nothing to look at I don't talk too loud I don't make too much noise I'm not trying to be the center attention uhh because once you on that radar bro yo bro it's a rap it's a done deal son don't start no more being you know facts bro and I'm telling you Killers Killers I'm talking about big homie Killers gang banging [ __ ] serial killers everybody complies when they get on that wall bro wow what was the biggest adjustment when you got home um I don't know man I was just great bro it wasn't really I've been through so much [ __ ] like you know I'm saying from Young bro so like the [ __ ] that I was going through it was it was it was either something that I was used to or it was something that was nothing because it's like I I conquered this [ __ ] already you know what I'm saying like with with the emotions or being in a situation so it's like I was just happy to be out and I was I was really I really am not then now too appreciative to All the Small Things you know what I'm saying and um I don't know that's just the way I live my life man it wasn't just like uh you know for certain amount of time of coming home at that's just [ __ ] stuck with me you know what I mean so when when did you come home how long has it been um so I actually caught another bid after that bid yeah how long in between how long did you last um so nine years nine years okay nine years eight eight nine years um yeah another situation somebody told on me okay um so I ended up catching a grand lar for that uh one and a half to three um but the way it was down to the wire you know what I'm saying it was a lot going on um so it was it was uh that one and a half the three is the worst bid I've ever been on bro and I've done bids like it's nothing you know what I mean but that one and a half three that [ __ ] that [ __ ] was different um why do you think I had kid I had kids you know what I'm saying I came home I had kids um you know what I'm saying I've been not just you you're affecting you're affecting people yeah I done uplifted the soil on a whole bunch of [ __ ] you know what I'm saying so um I really I really I beat myself up over that [ __ ] you know what I mean so uh the was a lot yeah guilt shame [ __ ] stupidity um you know why the [ __ ] you should you know what I'm saying all the all the what is before it's like yo listen twit my thumbs but this [ __ ] right here this this was a different kind of um different kind of sit down man this [ __ ] was different eventually you got to forgive yourself though too you know what I mean oh no yeah without a doubt I did you know what I'm saying um I made sure I had to do everything I had to do to you know get out there um on time to uh get back to my kids because they was going through situation too you know they got taken away from their mother and all that so while I was doing the bid they was in Sister yeah so you know there's only a certain amount of time before they uh have a permanency hearings and all this [ __ ] [ __ ] trying to put them up for adoption and all that so I was I was on I was and I'm sure going through what you went through you wanted to break the cycle so that you must have been you know a little disappointed yeah that but it's all about the bounceback world so that's what we n yeah all the way and life is funny man life is funny man life is very funny you know what I'm saying the universe has a sense of humor some call it karma but um yeah yeah [ __ ] is real bro that's fact so how is this bid as far as like now again when you're starting to get out are you starting to develop another plan or is this when that you start to think about doing YouTube or or what's going through your mind really I wasn't about YouTube um I was thinking about getting back to work so I'm in a union at 7:31 um you know my union delegate held me down made sure I had work within the first three weeks I was home bro so you were already in the union from those you out yeah because when I came home um like I said I jumped on the schooling the welding construction um I was doing asbest I do lead um so I jump from that and then I jump to the labor union and and ever since then I just been you know grinding it out bro I mean why is that important to have work and have a structured environment when you get out I mean it seems like if not it's it's usually because when when you willing to get when you willing to get it by any means necessary sometimes you don't want to have things that you don't want to not have an option you know what I'm saying I rather have options than to make a option you know what I'm saying I have to make some [ __ ] happen you know what I mean so um it's just you know um responsibility and um you know just being uh you know [ __ ] man I guess bro is important too bab the idle time is the Devil's Playground you ain't got nothing to do that's when you know trouble finds you or you start to Veer towards trouble or whatever the case that your last bid bro see what was that your last bid time is that a rhetorical question uh is that like a what if yes it's it did you go oh no no no no it's over bro I'm done how long has that been got me um 20 May 6 2019 okay that's so what you been up to since then how long that's like what three years okay so what you been up to since then some of your you know proudest moments um you know came home got my kids back um within a year of me coming home so so really in all actuality the year to date the next year 2020 is when I got full custody of my kids again May 6 2020 you know what I'm saying so um Numbers Never Lie neither you know what I'm saying numerology some people overlook this [ __ ] but numbers is a real thing um so for me to get released on May 6 and then get my kids back on May 6 you know what I'm saying that [ __ ] is different symbolic but dates have always been dates have always been something that I paid attention to and and you know [ __ ] like that happens on a a regular occurrence man like every time not this time but like before like with my juvenile bids for whatever reason I would always get released the day before Christmas wow you know what I mean like Yeah Christmas Eve type [ __ ] um you know so um that's that's the biggest achievement that I I I say out of all the things that I've done since I came out um is that got my kids out of the situation that um you know I didn't put them in but I should have been there a lot sooner you know what I mean proud you should be proud of yourself for that that's yeah yeah I mean I'm not proud of myself because at the end of the day for me it's like that's my duty you know what I'm saying right there's no pass on the back for that [ __ ] you know what I mean like absolutely but I appreciate it you know what I'm saying don't take the wrong way it's just um for me what I've been through and not having nobody there you know what I'm saying like uh that [ __ ] should have been that [ __ ] should be done for every child you know what I mean so what message do you want to get across to the to the youth man if you could try to tell the youth something to try to prevent them from getting stuck in the system as is the name of your YouTube page so there's a lot of factors in that man cuz like if you got kids that ain't got no security ain't got nobody no guidance no no no clothes changing no clean clothes no food on the table every night like a like consistency bro um unfortunately bro if somebody doesn't come in in and and in a manner of all the things that they're lacking those important Essentials um [ __ ] they gonna have to figure it out just like I did you some don't some don't some some some really don't [ __ ] figure it out um y well by the time they do it's too late and then set in with a l like you said you know yeah it's like damn like ah so it's really it's really on allity it's not on them bro it's on us bro it's like people our age and we got kids and [ __ ] parents and all all that um you know what I'm saying because they really in all actuality like what are we supposed to tell them we supposed to show them we can't tell them [ __ ] actions speak louder than words yeah because I could tell you all day till I'm blowing the face yo don't do that but if you're hungry and you got a [ __ ] shelter and you a got a [ __ ] up house to go to the [ __ ] that I'm spit to sounds real good my guy but that's not the life that I'm living you know what I mean like once leave I'm still hungry bro you feel me so it's like um you gotta [ __ ] you know what I'm saying you got to step up man step up and um I don't know Tas a village man tase a village man it does in what ways can the can the system improve in your opinion to maybe more help you know rehabilitate people and so I just want to let you know right and I I [ __ ] with you like I [ __ ] but when they did this weed [ __ ] Real Talk bro it should have let everybody know how they really feel about the future and the kids that we have in our in the world today just in America you know I'm saying because um they dead ass they stirred the pot with that [ __ ] bro like that [ __ ] is it goes hand in hand with the algorithm and and the the lack of experience so they're altering their mind and then they're altering their mind bro yeah if you get that you know what I'm saying so absolutely they want you to be uh you know especially at a you know it's one thing for you know a grown man you know smoke weed and everything but while the brain still developing it does absolutely not you should not you should not at all be indulging I wish I didn't at such a young age indulging as much alcohol and weed that that so alcohol had never been my thing like when I was younger I smoke blunts and all that but majority of the time I was incarcerated you know what I'm saying like I was so at least you had that clean time yeah I had that clean time you know what I'm saying clear-headedness a lot of people too like that I grew up with that never been locked up or even on prob like I even have bouts of probation where I was good well like I see people who just started smoking at a young age and still haven't had a clear mind sense and it's like yo just you know just try we ain't going nowhere man just stay sober for 90 days see maybe you might like it better you know what I mean you might save up some money so you got to remember like with dudes that been incarcerated I I'm pretty sure you did box some um yeah not much 10 10 days in the ho is the most I did bro yeah listen box is the Box bro um it does something to you where it brings you to a a deeper self a lot of people don't even know themselves bro they've never had the they they've been pacified imagine stripping somebody stripping somebody of everything that they've ever had since they've been a child with nobody taking it away and saying yo you can't have this and told what to do and then you get taken stripped and put in a cell and then you got to figure it out you might hate yourself you know what I mean like you might not even know you know what I'm saying like you gotta like it's it's a process bro like um for sure you got to be built to to take take that on you know I'm saying and it can't be like a shelf shock like that it's got to be gradually you know what I mean like um but n times out of 10 that's what we really need bro I know that sounds crazy but that box time really get you you need to be yeah well some people you just got to be with yourself you know a lot of people they can't even be withs at all they got to like hop right on the phone and call somebody just to talk to you know what I mean I see it all the time where some people just they can't be alone or they hop on the video game and they got somebody in their headphones so you know obviously you shouldn't have to go to the box or to the hole especially you know if you're not in jail on the streets it's just you know being alone with yourself and being comfortable with that and really looking in that mirror and like you said learning yourself figuring out what you even like I had to rewind it myself and be like what do I even like besides weed and drinking and and selling you know what I mean what do I even like I had to bring it back to like oh playing sports working out being physical physically like moving around you know what I mean so some people I had that conversation with my boy he said I he don't even he's like yo be I don't even know what I like and that's sad you know what I mean what's crazy is I had got asked that same question you just said who are you right so I'm in Fishkill um Fishkill is like high percentage of lifers right so everybody in there got like 80 numbers 70 numbers 60 numbers they've been locked up for years I'm talking about from like [ __ ] forever bro a lot of dudes that I was wearing fish gill was in the attical riots they would give us stories of what happened you know what I'm saying like they was really like into that [ __ ] like I'm talking about like revolutionary mindsets so I was with this this one one oldtime good brother named yellow he he got a you know um he got our attention a lot of younger kids 20s you know what I'm saying like we LIF weights H in the back and all that young young dudes young is in New York state for whatever reason I don't know other states but we look up to the old time you know what I'm saying there's a big respect level there you know I'm saying like we not because it'll be some somebody you don't even know who the [ __ ] it is bro coming right get it in your ass you know what I'm saying like yo don't disrespect old you know what I'm saying you can't you know what I mean like what you doing so um old is up north if they real right man they got like this dudes that'll lay their life down from you know what I mean so um this dude asked a question he's like yo I'mma ask all of y'all this y'all don't have to answer it now but who are you and now mind you I'm like y I just did this and I'm I was looking at this and I was ready to take this and I'm holding it down and I but at the end of it all who am I you know what I'm saying like what's my likes what's my dislikes what's my triggers you know what I'm saying who you know what I mean like that real [ __ ] that you really got to be real with yourself a lot of dudes don't be real with themselves bro you know what I mean like dudes is really living in like some movie [ __ ] um but a lot of people don't even get a chance to ask themselves that question who am I you know what I mean and they really have a real answer for them M themselves to give it back yeah yeah no absolutely a lot of people are just caught up following um everybody else or what's the trend or this this and that bro so that's why I'm convinced like a lot of people are NPCs bro right I swear man I'm in New York City bro I walk past I heard you last night on the on the live saying that feel like I feel like I'm talking to an NPC right now that had me had me rolling bro but no yeah C it just [ __ ] just be C you know like being locked up bro like you you dissect everybody's flaws and everybody's um you know everything everything you know what I'm saying like like eventually able to do it quicker and quicker and quicker where you whole room and just have it so when dudes go into a loop I be like yo this can't be a real person because how are they looping yeah that's one thing I noticed when I got out was people on the train all glued into their phone I'm like no nobody's even like aware of their surroundings at all no one's even paying attention and I know this is [ __ ] up but I go back to my times and when I was you know robbing [ __ ] I'm like yo people are just victims here like you right Beats headphones I'm like what are you gonna do like the drop is everything bro yo hey a real [ __ ] who knows about that [ __ ] yo the drop is everything and there's a drop on everybody bro absolutely bro and that's scary I I realized did uh when I came home and I had got the iPad Nano the the the the music the shuffle [ __ ] or the the shuffle I'm walking with my [ __ ] headphones on I got some old school [ __ ] on and I'm walking bro and I almost got hit by a [ __ ] car bro I'm talking about flat like in the street like I wasn't even paying attention lacking lacking a chick stopped me from dying I don't even know who she is she put out her arm and pushed me back and if I stepped off that curve bro it would have been no me and you talking right now bro well I appreciate you um talking to me and why do you think it you know it's important to to tell these stories Your Story I mean you told your story on Ian Bick as well so I mean obviously you feel like it's got to have some value well I don't know um as as I'm getting older I feel like uh you know is it's healthy to let this [ __ ] out you know what I'm saying and if you don't ever if you don't ever talk about man um should get lost man you know what I mean so it's like I ain't go through all this [ __ ] for nothing you like I went through all this [ __ ] for a reason so maybe some way somehow just by talking you know what I'm saying just how we chopping it up it could help somebody you know what I'm saying somebody be like yo [ __ ] ain't that hard bro you know what I'm saying like keep it Trucking keep it smoing you know what I mean so that's really all it is man I I just hope even if it's just one person you know a lot of cosos and staff and you know self-help guys that come to the prisons y if I could just help one of y'all at the time they be like yeah yeah bro hurry up I GNA go back to my [ __ ] cell you know what I mean or maybe where's the cookies and the crackers and the coffee at or something you know I mean typ [ __ ] like that but now it's like y all it really does take is one word because that one could Branch off and influence a whole bunch of other people absolutely so what are some things now that you know looking forward to in the future um just watching my kids grow up and uh you know breaking all the [ __ ] curses bro breaking all the all the [ __ ] man stopping the um the cycle and um I know that the the the trees that I'm planting now I'm never gonna sit in the shade of you know what I mean I like that facts so it's like next generation yeah it's not it's not for me it's for them you so that's that's where I'm thinking that's where my my head is at so I think that's big because I think that's a that was a big thing for me is when I kind of put my feelings and my selfish insecurities aside and I'm like yo you know what be this ain't even really about you it's deeper than it's deeper than that and it kind of it's like a weight off your shoulder when you realize it's not about you you know what I mean yeah yeah you don't take things so s it's it's it's funny right because it's hard to explain but you don't take things so seriously but you do take life seriously you get it yeah you know what I mean it's it's it's almost like so far from the Spectrum but it makes so much sense and it's so close at the same time no I feel you bro so um I don't know if there was anything that you wanted to touch on Before I Let You Go I want to say first of all I appreciate you coming through and pulling up man you already [ __ ] with you you already know bro 100 so if yeah if there's anything that you wanted to touch on we didn't get a chance to or just some closing words now would be you know the time to do that keep it with you bro uh there there's there's more times in and in the in the future man we we can figure this [ __ ] out um right now honestly everything that happened with Trump and all this other [ __ ] [ __ ] man um I'm just like yo what's gonna happen from here till yeah [ __ ] November you know what I mean I'm not doing the fear Monger thing and all that but um [ __ ] is real you know what I mean like [ __ ] is definitely real so life is I know I'm just really I'm I'm I'm just I'm focused on the next four to five months from now you absolutely I can't really think past that because um the future shall you know it sh should have changed depending on how things work out in November I mean it's it's I heard something the other day it's one thing you know to glance into the future but you always have one eye in the future then you could only have one eye in front of what you're doing right now so you glance to it you acknowledge it but you got to have both eyes on what's in front of you to really be effective and efficient oh yeah I'm not I'm not I'm not hitting it with the binoculars you know what I'm saying it's just like we're getting closer so oh [ __ ] let me look over here because we getting closer to this direction me it's not like y [ __ ] exray Vision on it cuz you know you could do that there's times where I might be like yo this is this this this but you drive yourself crazy you know what I mean you got other [ __ ] to worry about if it happens it happens bro absolutely worrying is mostly up in your head anyway about stuff that might happen you know what I mean but we got actually stuff that's really happening we could deal with bro so I don't know if you want to um run your social media down tell them more time where they can find you oh yeah you can find me on all platforms uh stuck in the system IG uh Tik Tock YouTube um got a few things coming out uh just working right now so you know it's on a back burner but it definitely definitely going to be some things out I definitely want to get into eding a little bit more those guys who edit man they they got this [ __ ] sealed got stamped you know what I'm saying they got everything going man so um I want to sharpen my my tools out a little bit more before I start to get real crazy and the comfortability got to come too also catch him regularly on the YouTube streets podcast shout out to AZ Plus Ronnie blue eyes everybody over there for sure man yeah shout out to the YouTube streets man shout out to everybody over there man good squad over there man bro a lot of good guys over there you know um they get into their characters but it's uh you know it's entertaining it's least yeah absolutely absolutely guys so you heard it right there that's the guy DBS I am be luke guys remember it is what it is what's next is what you make it this is the bounceback podcast on that note bro we off this and we out of here thanks again bro you already know bro be be safe bro you already know [Music]