Browse Transcripts

Category: News & Politics

Where tonight we will not make a single joke about  cats or dogs because we are a serious show about   the one serious business of a serious city.  i'm so old that i can remember a time when you   can get through an entire presidential campaign  without without once hearing about immigrant cat   eating... Read more

Category: News & Politics

Want to turn to the issue of abortion. president trump, you've often touted that you were able to kill roe v. wade last year you said that you were proud to be the most pro-life president in american history. then last month you said that your administration would be great for women and their reproductive... Read more

Category: Entertainment

Well, as i said, you're going to hear a bunch of lies, and that's not actually a surprising fact. let's understand how we got here. donald trump hand selected 3 members of the united states supreme court with the intention that they would undo the protections of roe v. wade. and they did exactly as... Read more

Category: Comedy

Welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." you're here! you're watching! thank you for watching! you guys, i'm very excited about this. kevin hart is on the show tonight! [ cheers and applause ] i love kevin, seriously. what better way to kick off halloween season than with a fun-size guest? isn't... Read more

Category: News & Politics

One, i have nothing to do, as you know, and as she knows better than anyone i have nothing to do with project 2025. uh, that's out there. i haven't read it. i don't want to read it purposely. i'm not going to read it. this was a group of people that got together they came up with some ideas, i guess... Read more

Category: News & Politics

President harris, in your last run for president, you said you wanted to ban fracking. now you don't. you wanted mandatory government buyback programs for assault weapons. now your campaign says you don't. you supported decriminalizing border crossings. now you're taking a harder line. i know you say... Read more

Category: Comedy

Our next guest is a member of the proud van patton family dynasty new episodes of our show tell me live stream wednesdays on hulu please welcome grace van [applause] patton i'm sure people drive you crazy talking about this all the time especially people of my age but it's a to me like dick van patton... Read more

Category: Comedy

-welcome back to the show. everything good? -pretty good. -yeah, yeah. things are going pretty well. -yeah. pretty good. -oh, i wanted to ask you quickly about this. i heard this, uh, story. i don't know if it's true or not, and if it's not true, we can cut it out of the show. -okay. -but did you audition... Read more

Category: Comedy

-you look gorgeous. it is always great to see you. thank you so much for coming back to the show. -oh, i love being here. -okay, good. thank you. you were telling me backstage that you recently became an american citizen, by the way. -i did. -congratulations. thank you. thank you very much. [ cheers... Read more

Category: Comedy

[applause] [music] [applause] oh god help us oh you're hungry i'm sorry i i have a big celebrity coming to sit here in a second but i think i ordered a club sandwich covered in stevia so off you go i think i'm i think you may have a mistake i'm actually the person you're supposed to interview my name... Read more

Category: Comedy

[applause] on the host of the show i thank you for watching thank you for joining us here and at our studio and hollywood how many of you uh thank you how many of you in our studio audience are visiting from other places tonight from another question how many of you got to experience your first earthquake... Read more

Category: News & Politics

Worthy of the country's first real presidential vote a spectacle egyptians hadn't seen before former foreign minister and arab league chief am musa faced off with former muslim brotherhood member abd in a live televised debate organized by two privately owned tv stations producers said the two were... Read more

Category: News & Politics

>> welcome. tens of millions of americans tuned in last night to the consequential presidential debate. >> the contentious debate may be the only face-off of the campaign season. vice president harris try to walk a fine line between being a change candidate while fending off attacks from trump. the... Read more

Category: Comedy

-enjoy yourselves. welcome, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." you are here. thank you for watching at home. [ cheers and applause ] well, guys, everyone's talking about last night's debate between vice president harris and former president trump. and it seems like most people... Read more

Category: Comedy

-enjoy yourself. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." you're here. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] well, guys, halloween season has begun, and tomorrow is friday the 13th. -ooh. [ audience "oohs" ] -yeah, yeah, yeah. if you're worried about bad luck, don't be, because, according... Read more

Category: Entertainment

[musik] die meisten von euch kennt ihn als toni aber so heißt der dubai toni männlich hebamme im echten leben heißt leo reisinger wie geht's dir und du bist du also mir geht's erstmal gut das ist die erste sache und ich bin gerade bei mir zu hause im bayerischen oberland so genau zwischen den alpen... Read more

Category: Entertainment

Aber das ist zum ein bisschen mehr als nur ein bisschen drüber zu gehen das ist ein bisschen viel drüber gegangen alles wird ab jetzt nur noch schlimmer wenn ihr denkt das ist jetzt schon unangenehm gewesen ab jetzt geht's berg ab luke mckrich hatte in den letzten zwei tagen einen schitstorm ist relativ... Read more

Category: Gaming

Jo youtube was geht wir gucken uns das neue dave video an ich teste die erfolgreichsten höhle der löwenpukte jemals höhle der löwen sollt euch einen begriff sein die löwen können geld investieren in die startups die startups müssen dann gewissen prozentsatz abtreten es werden coole produkte vorgestellt... Read more

Category: Science & Technology

Hallo liebe apfeleimer abonnenten auf youtube ja ich lebe noch es gab in letzter zeit sehr viel arbeit und von daher kam apfeleimer tv ein bisschen in den hintergrund aber jetzt bin ich wieder da arbeit legt sich momentan wieder etwas was auf der einen seite gut ist auf der anderen doch recht bedenklich... Read more

Category: People & Blogs

Support for israel's war on gaza i'm definitely not going to be voting for trump or harris they're both war criminals and kamla wants to act like she's one of the people and she is not she is part of the same administration sending bombs to gaza ahead of tuesday's debate minnesota governor and democratic... Read more