Browse Transcripts
Trump Claims He's More Popular Than Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce Inspires Haircuts Across Nation
Category: Comedy
-welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." you're here, everybody. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] you guys, everyone is getting excited for the super bowl, and i actually saw that people are actually betting on how many times the cameras will show taylor... Read more
Trump Gets Muted Mics in Debate, Coin Toss Will Determine Last Words | The Tonight Show
Category: Comedy
Welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." you're here! you're watching! thank you for watching! you guys, i'm very excited about this. kevin hart is on the show tonight! [ cheers and applause ] i love kevin, seriously. what better way to kick off halloween season than with a fun-size guest? isn't... Read more
Trump Pushes Pet-Eating Immigrant Conspiracy at Debate, Taylor Swift Endorses Harris | Tonight Show
Category: Comedy
-enjoy yourselves. welcome, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." you are here. thank you for watching at home. [ cheers and applause ] well, guys, everyone's talking about last night's debate between vice president harris and former president trump. and it seems like most people... Read more
Trump Rejects Second Debate, Harris Campaign Sells Taylor Swift-Inspired Friendship Bracelets
Category: Comedy
-enjoy yourself. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." you're here. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] well, guys, halloween season has begun, and tomorrow is friday the 13th. -ooh. [ audience "oohs" ] -yeah, yeah, yeah. if you're worried about bad luck, don't be, because, according... Read more
Trump and Harris Meet for the First Time at Debate, Trump Leads Harris in Florida by Two Points
Category: Comedy
-welcome, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show"! [ cheers and applause ] i am excited. i am excited about this. from the hit show "only murders in the building," steve martin, martin short, and selena gomez are my guests tonight! [ cheers and applause ] whoo! yeah, it is a show... Read more
Trump "Prepares" for Debate Amidst Cease & Desist, Elon Musk to Be First Trillionaire | Tonight Show
Category: Comedy
-enjoy yourself. enjoy yourself. welcome, everybody. welcome to "the tonight show"! you're here. you made it. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for watching. well, guys, tomorrow, in philadelphia is the big presidential debate between vice president harris and former president trump. which, of course,... Read more
Trump Fails with Gen Z, Town Hall Moderated by Fox Ally Sean Hannity | The Tonight Show
Category: Comedy
Welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." you're here. you made it. thank you for watching at home. from the new movie "beetlejuice beetlejuice," justin theroux is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] also, she's one of the greatest olympians of all time. simone biles is here this evening! [... Read more
Kamala Harris Wants Trump Rattled at Debate, Strategizing Ways to “Poke the Bear” | The Tonight Show
Category: Comedy
-welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." you're here. you made it. thank you. welcome. well, guys, earlier today, students across the country went back to school. yeah. of course, the first day of school is always emotional. this morning, my kids were crying when i put them on the bus. and... Read more