Trump and Harris Meet for the First Time at Debate, Trump Leads Harris in Florida by Two Points

-Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show"! [ Cheers and applause ] I am excited. I am excited about this. From the hit show "Only Murders in the Building," Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are my guests tonight! [ Cheers and applause ] Whoo! Yeah, it is a show about murders in a New York City building, so I'm pretty sure it's going to go on forever. [ Laughter ] Could be our new "Bonanza." Yeah. Seriously, what an incredible trio we have here tonight. America's favorite comedian, America's sweetheart, and Martin Short. [ Laughter ] But here's a fun game to play when you see Steve and Selena. Try to guess which one has a billion-dollar beauty brand and which one plays the banjo. [ Laughter ] It's pretty fun. Guys, we're coming to you after the presidential debate between Vice President Harris and former president Trump. Harris was on the right, Trump was on the left, and Biden was at home wondering, "Where do I know these guys from?" [ Laughter ] "I know them." Tonight was the first time Harris and Trump ever met. That's why Trump prepared for the debate by binge-watching a season of "Love Is Blind." [ Laughter ] Harris tried to cast Trump as a "relic of the past." While Trump thinks relic is a condiment he puts on his hot dogs. [ Laughter ] "Extra ketchup and extra relic." [ Laughter ] "I love relic." [ Laughter ] "Some people don't like relic, but I like it." [ Laughter ] All right. Yeah. Harris tried to cast Trump as a relic of the past. She was like, "Trust me. After the last four years, I know a relic when I see one." [ Laughter, scattered groans ] Just like the previous debate, there was no audience. Yeah, they were speaking to a totally silent, empty room, or, as JD Vance calls that, a rally. [ Laughter ] Tonight's debate aired on all the major networks, and it streamed on Disney+. Yeah, and I thought this was nice. After the debate, there was an in-depth analysis from Lilo and Stitch. -Oh. [ Laughter ] Tonight's presidential debate was 90 minutes long and included two commercial breaks. And I got to say, I think some of the commercials really forced a connection to the debate. They felt kind of shoehorned. Check this one out. -Do you support Donald Trump's views on immigration? Well, then you'll love living in an even whiter world with Crest Whitestrips. -You see what I mean? [ Laughter ] You see what I mean? They don't quite connect. -Really? -Look at this other one I saw. This is... -I don't know about that. -Confused about what she stands for or how to even pronounce her name? Then you'll love "Teh-moo." Or is it "Tee-moo"? -Yeah. You see? [ Laughter ] -Wow. -It's just... This last one here is a little relatable. Lookit. -Do you love watching a man and woman try to be civilized before giving in to tedious bickering? Then you'll feel right at home visiting Ikea. -Yeah, now, that -- that one... -That one I get. -That I got. I like that one. [ Cheers and applause ] Some more election news. A new poll shows that Trump leads Harris by just 2 points in Florida. -Ooh. -Trump can't believe it. He's like, "Come on, Florida, I thought you matched my freak." [ Laughter ] Well, this week, after a long summer break, Congress finally returned to work, and they're already facing a potential government shutdown if they can't agree on a bill in three weeks. Several members of Congress have spoken out about the situation. Check this out. First up, Senator Dan Sullivan said... [ Laughter ] Congressman Hal Rogers said... Then Congressman Andre Carson said... And Congressman Michael Guest said... Then Senator Jerry Moran said... Then Congressman Jake LaTurner said... Then, Senator John Fetterman said... And Congressman John Carter said... Then Congressman Eric Burlison said... Then Congressman Roger Williams said... Then Congresswoman Alma Adams said... And finally, JD Vance said... There you go. [ Laughter and applause ] ♪♪ That was a record. That was a record. That was a longie. Longie. Well, guys, the NFL season just kicked off, but they already announced who will be headlining the 2025 Super Bowl halftime show. That's right. The halftime performer is gonna be Kendrick Lamar. [ Cheers and applause ] -Wait. What?! Hey, man, wake up, wake up! Can you say that again, Jimmy? -Uh, you mean that Kendrick Lamar is headlining next year's Super Bowl halftime show? -Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you sure they said Kendrick Lamar and not LMFABC, the LMFAO tribute band that does children's song versions of LMFAO hits? -No, I definitely would've remembered that. -So there's no chance they change their minds and go with LMFABC? [ Laughter ] Like, like -- I don't know. What if Kendrick gets food poisoning from eating some -- I don't know -- egg-salad sandwiches that were anonymously mailed to his studio? You think they might be like, "Oh, snap. Let's just cancel the Super Bowl"? -Or better yet, how about we replace Kendrick Lamar with those cool guys who sing "Potty Rock Anthem" and ♪ I'm six and a half and I know it ♪ -Uh, I'm sorry, but I just don't see that happening. But I guess anything's possible. -So there is a chance! -Doctor, cancel my hip replacement because... -We're going to the Super Bowl! [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -Bye. [ Cheers and applause ] All right, all right! Get out of here! Get out of here! Get out of here! You're late for the Super Bowl. What is going on? [ Laughter ] So sorry about that, folks. Uh... [ Laughter continues ] Oof! Uh, did you guys see this? McDonald's and Crocs are teaming up to offer a Happy Meal with a miniature Croc keychain. Yeah, it's the first time McDonald's and Crocs have teamed up since they released the McNugget. [ Laughter, cheers, applause ] That's right. Yes. Finally, guys, I know a lot of people find math boring. Well, that's why we've updated math to make the equations be about stuff that you can relate to. It's time for "Popular Mathematics." ♪♪ -♪ Popular Mathematics ♪ ♪ Mathematics ♪ -Let's take a look here at our first equation here. If you take an escape room plus vegetables, it equals a corn maze. Do you understand? See? You get the idea? -Okay. -Yeah. Here's another one. Paul McCartney. -Yeah. -Plus Tropicana, plus Ringo Starr, plus Minute Maid equals "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice." [ Laughter and applause ] You see, it's easy... -For kids, yeah. It's math. Now we can understand math. -Make it fun. -Yeah. Like, here's another one. Here. If you take Oreos, plus Chips Ahoy, plus Famous Amos, plus Fig Newtons, plus a thumbs up, it equals "Accept all cookies." [ Laughter and applause ] You see? It's very... -Wait. Is there more? -If you take -- If you take, "No way!", plus an Australian accent, it equals Norway. [ Laughter ] -Very... [ Cheers and applause ] Here's another one. If you take "Falling asleep at a slumber party," okay, plus a Sharpie, it equals Post Malone. [ Laughter ] It's just things that people can... -Yeah. -People can get it. Finally, if you take being a farmer minus getting paid, it equals apple picking. There you go, everybody. That's "Popular Mathematics." We have a great show. Give it up for The Roots! ♪♪ -[ Rapping indistinctly ] ♪♪ -What a show we have for you tonight! They star in the hit show "Only Murders in the Building." Season 4 is streaming now on Hulu. Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are here! [ Cheers and applause ] My favorites! I love 'em. -Plus, she is a country-music superstar whose new album, "Whirlwind," is out now. Lainey Wilson is here. We'll be talking to her, and then she's performing later in the show. Love Lainey Wilson. Guys, just a quick mention. This Friday, people are saying the Super Bowl's come early. -Really? Yeah, that's right. The biggest sporting event of the year is here. I challenged DJ Khaled to a golf match. Four holes, one mulligan, one breakfast ball. Winner gets a red cardigan. It's the Cardigan Classic, right here, Friday night! [ Cheers and applause ] Oh! -No, no, no, no, no! Hold it! -What's going on? What's going on?! What's going on?! What's going on? -What's up? -What's going on? Lookit, what's going -- What's going on? Fallon, can you please, can you talk to the team? Can you -- Can you get it to air now? -No! -So many calls. I can't wait till Friday. -Friday night is when it airs. -Yo, show them everything, Fallon! -I'm showing them everything. -Let's go golfing! Friday, 11:35! -NBC, DJ Khaled! [ Cheers and applause ] -Yeah! -Oh, it's gonna be big. That's what I'm talking about. Bye-bye, DJ Khaled. [ Cheers and applause ] Dude, I love that dude. ♪♪ Come on. He is the best. Come on! -Come on, man! -He is -- If you guys want to watch a fun hour of sport, me versus DJ Khaled. It's real. It's on Friday night. It's one hour long. If you have a sports bar, by the way... -Hey. -...I would have a -- I would have a rager this weekend. Friday night? What other sports are on Friday night at 11:30? -None. -Nothing. This is the only -- Yeah, this is it. The Cardigan Classic, this Friday. Have a special. -Come on. Have a special. If you go to the bar, if you wear a cardigan... -Right, you get free -- -...you get a free drink or something like that, yeah. -All year. -Yeah. And DJ Khaled is just the best dude ever, man. I love that guy. He's so good. By the way... [ Cheers and applause ] DJ Khaled is going to be live at the VMAs tomorrow night with Fat Joe and Anita. Brand-new. Brand-new, tomorrow night. It's good. It's great, actually. Fantastic. Uh, guys, I'm not gonna lie. I'm feeling a little bit out of it. I had another nightmare last night. Or should I say "tonightmare." [ Thunder crashes ] I was driving through the backcountry in the middle of the night, and up ahead, I spotted what seemed to be an old abandoned gas station. At least I thought it was abandoned. As I walked up to the window, a man with a tire iron popped up out of nowhere and he shouted, "You're next!" I ran around the side of the building to escape him, but then as the door swung open, his daughter jumped out and screamed, "I got him, Daddy!" She held a bloody wrench over her head, and she was about to strike me. She said -- She said -- She said, "Do you know how I can buy tickets to Jimmy Fallon's Tonightmares, an immersive haunted maze experience at Rockefeller Center?" I said, "Yeah, it's open September 20th through Halloween. Tickets are available now at... Experience it for yourself. Now stick around. We'll be right back with more -- -You're next! [ Shouts ] ♪♪ Stick around. -There's more "Tonight Show" after the break. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Evil laugh ]