What's The Worst Way To Solve A Problem? (Game)

Welcome to Good Mythical More. Let's talk about some dilemmas that you get yourself into and how you can get out of 'em. In fact, the worst way to get out of 'em. But first, man, let's list all the state capitals, Raleigh. Columbia. Tallahassee. Baton Rouge. Sacramento. Albany. Seattle. Denver. Dallas. Las Vegas. Think I was wrong about Dallas. I think I've been wrong three times. I think we've had a few incorrect ones. But for a while there, I was like, "Wow, I'm really impressed." What's the capital of-- Seattle is incorrect. It is Olympia. And Austin is the capital of Texas. Oh. Wow, don't put me on "Jeopardy". You got two wrong, did I get any wrong? I think so. But, hey. But isn't Tallahassee the-- It's Carson City. Isn't Tallahassee the capital of-- Vegas is Nevada-- Like weirdly, right? It's Carson City. See, I was like, that's an interesting one. It's not nearly the biggest town. All right, before we get into this, I'm gonna go ahead and tell you, 'cause this is in my lap. Today's the last day for y'all to be able to get your very own proud Mythical Beast Crew Colab tee. 100% of the profits will be benefiting Outreach Action International. So head on over to Mythical.com to get it before it's gone. Outreach Action International, shout out. Get it! So we are going to be solving dilemmas in the worst ways possible. Yeah. So I'm gonna give you a dilemma. I'm gonna tell you these dilemma-- Dilemmas. Dilemmas? Yep, dilemma. Dila-may. Dila-may, are unusual and then I'm gonna give you two solutions. I believe both those solutions are gonna be bad and we're going to determine which is the worst of the two. Okay. That makes sense. That all tracks and yeah, of course. Okay, here's the first dilemma. You spilled Diet Coke all over your boss's laptop while they were in the restroom, rendering it broken. Okay. So here are the solutions. Solution number one, cover all the office furniture and Diet Coke and blame it on the weather. Oh, good. Or-- We had a Diet Coke storm, boss. It happens. Tell them you were startled by a mouse and instead of worrying about laptops, they should be more worried about wild mice. Well, these are both pretty bad. Wow. Which one-- Wild mice. If you're thinking about your boss, you're thinking about job security, right? So which one is going to ensure that you're going to... I think that the mice one might be... You might have a little sympathy for that person. "Oh, you're scared of mice?" And it's logical. Covering all the furniture with Diet Coke and blaming it on the weather? Last time I checked, like... Offices had roofs? And weather doesn't come in the form of colas. Well... So you're gonna seem like you are off your rocker. What about acid rain? Oh, yeah. That's part Coke, isn't it? I just think it'd be like, oh, then the boss is never gonna look at you the same. You're lying and you're making claims about the weather that are untrue. Solution number one. This employee doesn't even understand how the weather works. Solution number one is especially bad of two really bad solutions. That is dumb. That is dumb. Correct. Correct, we were correct. Wild mice. There's something that depresses me about just the dilemma itself. I think it's the Diet Coke part. I don't know-- But if you're gonna spill Coke, it might as well be diet. You know? Doesn't have sugar. Yeah. But the other stuff is also sticky. That's how we know who-- It's gonna cause the same damage. Who spilled a drink in our house. If it's me and Jessie, it's gonna be like, sugarless La Croix and it's not gonna do anything. In fact, you could use that to clean stuff up. Huh. But if I'm walking through some place and all of a sudden, I get sticky foot, I'm like, "Oh, that's one of those daggum kids again, "drinkin' those sugary drinks." Giving you the sticky foot. Are they drinking sodas in the house? Not on a regular basis but on a semi-regular basis, if Shepherd has friends over-- Oh, what a horrible parent. They'll get, "Oh, we got a bunch of Sprites, Dad." I was gonna ask this sort of choice. So it's Sprite? They also do straight up Coke, too. You know, I don't-- Man, I used to be a, we were a-feem for that Mellow Yellow. Your kids don't ever do soft drinks like when friends come over? Yeah, yeah, sometimes if we have a party, like a little kid get-together. Little kid party. A little get-together with the kids and they're cronies. We'll throw some soft drinks in there and then they'll linger for a while. Oh, Shepherd will milk those Sprites. Oh, yeah? For as long as he can. you all seen that boy milk a Sprite. I just thought that there was gonna be like some kind of drink I've never heard of that they were into like some kind of cool, teen... Nope, it's still all about Coke and Sprite. I mean, as far as I can tell. My kids are into teas for some reason. Like hot tea? No, like bottled sweet tea. Yeah. My kids went through that. There's an unsweetened tea-- The Arizona Tea phase. It's not Arizona, but it's like, it's the bottle that's shaped like that. It's that same type of thing, but they're sweet. So I'm like, "Hey, there's a lot of sugar in this. "You need to watch it, you need to watch your sugar intake, "just so you know." I'm only worried about the floor. I'm not worried about my kids' health. Let's here a nice one. Okay. Dilemma number two. You forgot your mother-in-law at the train station. Oh, yeah, the train station. I always pick her up at the train station. She's been waiting there for five hours. She already hates you from when you forgot to pick her up last Christmas. Here are your solutions. Train station. Oh, twinky fingers, these transitions, a monitor that literally no one else sees except for us. I saw it, it was like this. Can you imagine two fonts coming in? We gotta keep it interesting. And then meeting in the middle? Solution number one, lean into it. Since she already hates you, tell her , "If you weren't such a nag, "I'd probably be less likely to forget about you." Oh, my goodness. There's a lot of antiquated aspects to this scenario where there's a train station and there's a use of the word nag. And also just like the trope of, you know, having a bad relationship with your mother-in-law. Oh, that's not antiquated, trust me. Solution number two. Tell her it's your favorite yearly tradition and if you stop it, you'll have nothing left to look forward to. Being late for somebody in the train station? What, leaving her at the train station, yeah. Yeah, yeah, oh, 'cause you did it last year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. "If you weren't such a nag, "I'd probably be less likely to forget about you." Solution number two seems like a kind of a dad joke to me. It seems like you would say that to make her laugh, you know? Like to cover up the situation. Yeah. I could also see a relationship with a mother-in-law where it's so sarcastic. It's like, if they both dish it out, then I think it could work. You know this scenario where you could call your mother-in-law a nag to her face, if she can call you a complete loser, like a wash up, like a-- A wash up? Like a, just a total embarrassment, but it has to go both ways. I think that solution two could work, especially 'cause you you're starting a tradition, which is mother-in-laws really respect that, and you can also say something like, "I have a religious exemption "from picking up my mother-in-law on time for Christmas," and she can't argue with that. You know my father-in-law, ever since that one Christmas, he's always made fun of me with sharp objects. When he saved your life. Yeah, when I fainted into his arms after cutting open a Barbie doll packaging and cutting my finger. You know, what I should have done was I should have given it right back to him. I should have just made just as much fun of him, you know? What did he do, though? He's got a funny looking goatee. Oh. He's got a very questionable facial hair configuration. At least I don't do that. Is it now or then? It seems like I'm doing it right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean this was 10 years ago but is he still doing it now? No, he's still doing it. Oh, okay, so this is fresh. But I didn't jump on it 10 years ago and now I'm just like-- I'm the guy who has to endure the knife jokes in this one way, it's all in one way. I think this year you just come right in. As soon as he makes fun of you, "Well, yeah, "look at your goatee!" It's like, "Whoa." He's like, "Whoa, where'd that come from?" Right. "I should have said this 10 years ago!" He didn't have a goatee 10 years ago. Oh, so-- I don't think you can talk when you're unconscious. True, yeah. Right. Yeah. You're on his side? You know, he wanted to make sure I delivered that joke to you. Yeah, right, that's good. I like that. I'm going with solution number one being the worst. Two's not bad. No I'm likin' number one. Just call a spade a spade. Okay, we're splitsies. Call a nag a nag is actually good so I have to go with number two. You were playing hide and seek with the kids you were babysitting but fell asleep. And one of them spent the whole night locked in the fridge. Oh. He's okay physically but now he thinks he's a piece of American cheese. He's okay physically. This is is very specific. I mean, would you be okay physically? A fridge is about, it's about 40 degrees. Probably. You could spend all night in there, yeah. I mean, it's not good for you, but you're not gonna die. What about oxygen? Hmm... It's got a magnetic seal around that puppy. You're gonna breathe at all into like seven or eight hours? Yeah. I don't know. How long can you stay inside of a fridge? Well, but, but we've said he's okay physically so we have to assume that he's just like, he's just been mentally damaged-- He found a hole and sucked on it. He found a hole to the outside. Okay here're your solutions. He thinks he's a piece of American-- One, as an attempt to show him he's wrong, snap him with a wet towel and explain that cheese slices can't feel pain. This is okay, so abuse on top of abuse. This is, this is... Or two, scare him away by eating a piece of American cheese in front of him while screaming, "You're next!" Okay, all right. Okay, so is it physical abuse or more mental abuse? It's like, this is... Oh, this is, this is tough to-- This is tough to discuss. In a safe way. I think it's worse to hit him with a wet towel, you know? Well you don't wanna say that-- Physical abuse and emotional abuse are both valid forms of abuse. Yeah, but we're talking about a kid who thinks he's a piece of American cheese. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm sayin'? Let's let's keep it light. Yeah, yeah. How can we keep this light? Yeah, I know. Look what you've done to us. You're trying to get us canceled, Carney. I can write this over, dude. I like a good slice of American cheese. Sometimes it's just perfect, isn't it? Yeah. I like that trend, that trend from last year, or maybe even older than that. Oh, the tossing? Whether you would throw the cheese at the people in the cars and it would just like land on somebody's forehead. Is my mic On? Can you guys hear me right now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah, I'm not pressing the button to my mic so now all the side comments I make about you that you can't normally hear, I can no longer make. Everything's been broadcast. I requested that change. That's right. Oh, God. Did you ever throw a piece of cheese on somebody in traffic? Are they still talking to me? You can't hear us 'cause we can hear you. Yes. What would you do? Legitimately, question. Yeah? You're driving, you pull up to a stoplight, some crazy teens with a TikTok account, throw a piece of cheese that you got your window rolled down, it just lands on your arm. What is your legitimate reaction to this? Camera's on. I would like to think that I would pick it up and eat it, but I would be angry. I'd probably, I'd flick it back at 'em before I thought about it. You'd throw it back at 'em. Yeah. 'Cause eating it would be awesome. But if I knew I was being filmed, boy, I hope I wouldn't do that, 'cause it's like, you know, it's like... There's that guy from the internet, from the thumbnails gettin' angry about a slice of cheese on TikTok. Yeah, right. Oh, man. I know, is it a moron? I'm abstaining from this one, I'm not falling into this trap. I'm saying it's worse to hit someone with a towel than it is to intimidate them with a cheese threat. That's just my personal philosophy. Yeah. Next! Oh, am I gone again? No, I'm still here. Okay. That was cool. You're sounding a little cray-cray right now, Stevie. Okay, see, this is the thing. So now I sound louder, right? I am sounding crazy, aren't I? You're talking louder. It's all in your head, Stevie. Okay, now it's better again. You ran over someone's pet Komodo dragon-- Okay. While riding a Bird scooter. Oh, I just remembered the dream I had last night! What? Thank you! You ran over a Komodo dragon? I found this little-- I was with a kid and the kid was chasing one of those lizards that likes to sun around-- Did the kid think he was a slice of American cheese? Shh, no, I'm about to forget it. And then we took the lizard and it became a pet and I took it to a party and we got out of the car, me, this kid that I do not know, and his lizard, his little lizard. And then he gets out of the car and he runs to the party because he's like seven years old or something. Right. And then I looked back and someone had stepped on the lizard, and smooshed, smooshed the back half of the lizard. Like not just his tail but a little bit of his legs, too. He's not doing well. And he's not doing well. He's like floppin' around. That's not growin' back. Yeah, yeah, it's too much to grow back. He's floppin' around and strugglin' and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, this kid that like--" When he comes out of that party... I think it was my kid, but it wasn't one of my kids. It was like I had another child. Yep. That really cared for this lizard that we found and here it was half dead, like literally the back half of it was smooshed. It was like one of the sperms that didn't make it. And I was feeling like, is it gonna come back? It was a horrible dream. I can't remember what happened, thanks for reminding me. That's all I remember. I mean, but he wasn't coming back from that. Well, in this scenario, yeah. You've killed this kid's lizard. Komodo dragon. Yeah. I know what that feels like. I felt it in my dream! But I wasn't the one who stepped on it. That's different. Your solution options are one, using finger quotation marks, say, "I'm sorry for accidentally killing "your totally normal pet." Or two, remind the owner-- Oh, now we're calling-- Okay, it's not a kid, that's okay. Remind the owner that it is illegal to own a Komodo dragon as a pet and perform a citizen's arrest. Oh, going as far as citizens arrest, huh? Well, you know, I mean, I hate to bring it up, but I did run over a family's dog and they were all in the front yard. And I was there. It was a bad day. It was a real bad day. But it wasn't his fault. I totally don't think so. Just so you know, it was not his fault, it was not driving recklessly. It just ran out, it came like out of the periphery. It's nothing I could've done. We were in junior year of high school? Maybe sophomore year. Yeah. No, I mean, I have my license so-- Junior year? I didn't get my license till junior year. And we just, it was just like, it was awful. Why did you bring that up? Because that's what, I know what this feels like, not only because of my dream. I think about that from time to time. Yeah, I know, it's like-- I try not to. It was bad. And we went to school with the girl. Yeah. Like she was one of our classmates. She was a couple of years younger than us. She wasn't mad though, because it wasn't anybody's fault. Yeah, it was a complete accident. It was the dog's fault. It was horrifying. It was the dog's fault. You can't blame the dog, really. That was bad, man. I mean, and then, so it's like, "What do we do?" Well, the dad was just like, "Just go, just go." We were like, "Oh, okay." So we just went. We just went, we just went. Never talked about it. Except in therapy. Yep, yep. Except every week in therapy. And I'm not even giving you the details. Yeah, yeah, don't and don't. Don't give the details. Yeah. I can't get 'em out my head. It gets worse. Yeah, don't give the details. You wanna hear the details? Let's talk about that Komodo dragon. No, no, no, no-- Because watching a Komodo dragon-- I mean, I'm a dog lover. Watching a Komodo dragon die slowly wouldn't be that traumatic. This is a bad More for me, guys. This is bringin' up a lot of-- This is dredgin' up a lot. Now, I will say I feel like, historically, we have a-- I'm not saying I was the victim. Clearly the dog was the victim and the family, but it hurt me, too. Historically, we have a, what I would call reptile slander on this show. I want to acknowledge that, and I have not thought about this philosophically or ethically, but I do feel like reptiles' lives have less value than mammals. There's no reason other than the fact that just the less of 'em, I'm further on, away on the evolutionary tree, so less of an emotional connection, I don't know. What about birds? Birds were reptiles first. So I have even less of a connection to them. Well, no, they're more evolved than... Right, but they were reptiles, which I don't have a connection and they went and just flew into the air! And they're kind of showin' off now. But so are we-- I actively hate birds. We have a common ancestor with a reptile. We have a reptilian brain. Yeah, yeah, I'm sayin', but I'm further away-- So by that rationale... No, they're further away than a reptile because they were the same as the reptile back when they branched off and then they got feathers and became birds. And we went this way. And we went this way so we're on complete opposites-- So you feel like a bird is further away than a reptile. You hate birds more than reptiles. I didn't think about it until right now, but yes. I hate birds more than lizards. Thanks for deflecting from me killing that dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep going with that. But that's what I'm saying is that-- I just want to acknowledge-- What I did was an accident. He actively hates reptiles and birds. I want to acknowledge that there's, I'm not saying I wanna see birds or reptiles suffer. I'm just saying that if I had to choose between a dog or a lizard suffering, I would choose the lizard. Yeah, me, too. Yeah. But I'm not the one who ran over a dog so I mean, I can't speak for you. It's not good, man. It's bad. It's bad. You know, they, like, it's just... Whew. Yeah, yeah. Do you need to talk about it? It sounds like you need to talk about it. Nobody won, you know? It's like, there's no silver lining to it. Yeah, right, right, right. You know? It was negative for every party involved. Even talking about it now-- Especially the dog. Is makin' it worse. Yeah. Well, what're we havin' for lunch? Say it loud and proud with the proud Mythical Beast crew Colab tee available now through May 19th at Mythical.com with 100% of profits benefiting Outright Action International.