Presidential Debate Recap From America’s Smartest Idiot - Ep 3

that was one hell of a debate last night yeah it was a fun time huh you know they actually asked me to be a moderator but I said no uh I don't think they did actually I'll I'll interrupt you right there uh fact check they did they did ask me to be a moderator but I thought you know I I had a few other more important dinner plans that night so I just no I don't think I think they would have asked me before you I'm going to have to I'm going to have to fact check you on that and and I'll follow it up with this question I'll give you 60 seconds do you believe people are allowed to be the color brown and black do you believe in the color brown and black 60 seconds to you you would be a good moderator thank you so much it's time to save America check it out I'm an eagle America woo die commies well on Tuesday night I saw the craziest thing I've ever seen on television it was over an hour of the fakest woman in the world who can't stop lying and a giant bumbling monkey who can't articulate words very well I'm talking of course about chimp crazy the newest documentary on Max and if you enjoy chimp crazy check out the sequel which just released this past Tuesday the presidential debate it's basically the same exact story they can't survive without each other but they should definitely not be in the same room together one needs to be kicked out of society for the amount of damage that she's caused while the other should just be released into a a former president sanctuary in Florida to live out the rest of his days eating taco bowls in peace and if we let them continue to live like this someone will get their face ripped off Tuesday night's debate featured former president Donald Trump going up against the current vice president kamla Harris AI generated moderator Lindsey Davis and The Ambiguously human David Mir let's take a look at how this matchup played out Stand Down hey hey what did I just say h up I see you back up okay good good darling stay right there now with so many incredible moments to choose from throughout the 90 minutes of weird tangents false claims and delicious word salads here are some of my top moments from the night starting with this Flex from comma I actually have the endorsement of 200 Republicans including the endorsement of former Vice President Dick Cheney and Congress member Liz Cheney yeah yeah take that Trump we got we got a war Monger on our side you might have the police unions but guess what we have the literal devil how you going to Fight Fire With Fire against the fires of the underworld look I don't know what's more incredible the fact that the Democratic party has evolved to the point where bragging about Dick Cheney's support is normal or how no one is asking why Dick Cheney Lord of War and character inspiration for Gru is voting for a Democrat instead of the guy who oversaw zero new Wars I guess because their answer would be who cares come on over dick we're having AA 2024 rally tonight with performances by P Diddy and R Kelly and an opening prayer from Scott Peterson galain Maxwell sends her love she'll be there in spirit now Trump won the most important category of presidential debates oneliner insults toward Joe Biden first delivering this one where is our president we don't even know if he's a president and just to clarify threw him out of a campaign like a dog we don't even know is he our president but we have a president that doesn't know he's alive now we've actually fact checked the statement as mostly true for more let's go to our in-house fact checker that's correct comrade Pella however there are some moments when Hunter's dad is in fact conscious of his own existence mainly when his assistant reminds him to breathe periodically throughout the day now Trump had a few more Biden digs coming just moments later I think probably her boss if you call him a boss he spends all his time on the beach the president of the United States you'll get him out of bed you'll wake him up at 4:00 in the afternoon you'll say come on come on down to the office let's sign a bill so let's go back to our fact checker for a bit more clarity on these statements now Satan Biden needs to be woken up at 400 p.m. infers Joey would be sleeping at 400 p.m. which is factually untrue as Joe Biden's official waking hours are 1 to 5:00 p.m. he is presidentially petrified at all other hours of the day to preserve the few neurons that remain inside his brain so because Biden is already awake at 400 p.m. having a late dinner at that time this in fact is another Trump lie back to you now presidential debates are fun because every time the moderator asks a question it's another opportunity for the candidate to answer that question with information that has absolutely nothing to do with that question now one of my favorite moments of this was when kamla got asked a question about her policies and answered with an unrelated story about her background and upbringing zero mention of her positions and I know this was one of the first time she's ever been asked a question by another human but I just wasn't expecting an autobiography you know like imagine doing a job interview and someone asks you a question about your work experience and your answer is like uh yeah I've worked retail before but let's be clear okay I was born to a single father who gave birth to me from his man womb on a boat traveling from Egypt to Narnia okay while I was hiding below deck as pirates tried to capture me now let's be clear okay I am a relatable human being I have the same values that my father instilled in me during our regular brainwashing sessions as a teen and now as an adult she her I am proud to pledge to the American people that beautiful words and vague language can help Inspire hope because something is definitely happening okay during all of the moments let's be clear that we look forward to in our new Way Forward okay which isn't backward because the reverse of forward would get us nowhere and that is where he wants to take us okay he wants to go backwards okay but my forehead is forwards at all times so to answer your question I bestow upon thee my leadership okay let's be clear as president let's be clear okay of the states within America he's bad thank you it made sense if you don't think about it and lastly Trump's closing statement which was the most negative angriest 2 minutes I've ever heard spoken by someone out loud aside from what my girlfriend says to me after sex watching Trump's closing statement made me feel like I was watching a dementor suck out my soul okay if you haven't read Harry Potter a dementor is a ghostlike creature that feeds on human happiness they often look like this or this or this see America's biggest issue with these two candidates is that one is so artificial that her blood type is Turf and she's running with a lack of plans that identify as actual plans meanwhile the other candidate is so full of anger that he literally can't end on a high note he didn't have it in him to end with anything positive there were zero happy endings to this debate which is probably why Robert Craft didn't watch it I had to take a three-hour shower after watching the debate just to get all the bad vibes off of my body and I still feel like something's not right down there although I did just get back from burning man so it could be that our savior of the week this week is a media outlet that is doing its absolute best to bring you the hard-hitting truth that you need need as an American to feel proud and comfortable and safe in this country and no I am not talking about pornhub.com I'm talking about Time magazine for their recent article defending processed foods we thank Time magazine for maintaining balance okay it was starting to seem like too many people were waking up to how terribly unhealthy processed foods can be so we're grateful to time for stepping up to the plate of canola fried potato chips and taking this stance look at the title of this article why one dietitian is speaking up for ultr processed foods yeah one they found the one you can find one person speaking up for just about anything right now there's a guy in Boise Idaho speaking up about why intimate relationships with potatoes shouldn't be shamed and there's one person in Sacramento California speaking up for the overlooked health benefits of a Four Loco plunge that's a cold plunge with for Loco which yes has some benefits but does not deserve a mainstream magazine article now time dropped this story just 2 weeks after Robert F Kennedy came out with his extremely selfish mission to make America healthy again by reducing our consumption of processed foods among other initiatives now the conspiracy theorist inside of me wants to believe that time is so corrupted by its support for the Democratic party and its connections to the big food industry that they'll publish completely misguided articles at the expense of American's Health if it means keeping Trump out of office but the realest in me believes the same thing we actually got a peek at the next few headline reports from time including the Mental Health crisis is it really that bad fent and all maybe just have a little and Dick Cheney terrible for America or pretty chill guy once you get to know him hey thank you all so much for watching this has been episode three of the show that is guaranteed to save this country I look forward to seeing you next week as we try to laugh our way through this madness together my name is Brent Pella and you're welcome for my service a