Mistress Natalie: THE BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY SCENE, EuroTrip Dungeon, Armie Hammer, & Baby Boomer BDSM

Episode Preview so yeah I've had definitely a couple of very interesting scenes one I had the person karaoke Bohemian rap city but you know I mean they're like dressed in this ridiculous outfit and they can't sing a lick and here they are just having to like belt it out like no real accompaniment just like going for it as a person who is a practicing professional seeing this and seeing how they came to court it just made me really angry because it's it's all just a shtick you know they're trying to get attention they're doing all of this very stereotyped Behavior the way that they speak the way that they dress coming into court and very inappropriate attire one thing that I say across the board is you know scenes and sessions and playtime get better the more you know the person so the more you know them the more you know how to navigate situations and the more comfortable you also feel pushing boundaries sometimes people come to me they're like I want to try this I want to try that I've never done this I was like wo wo whooo I don't know you what's up guys this time I sit down with mistress Natalie and this is her Mistress Natalie's Introduction second time on the podcast mistress Natalie is a dominatrix based in NYC who travels all over the country and she specializes in luxury domination BDSM and kink and medical play you might remember mistress Natalie from her first appearance on the aoro podcast where where we got more into the stories surrounding her life's work and you know how she came to be a dominatrix for this episode we're exploring dominatrix stories in pop culture we get into a dominatrix group who wanted to open a public dungeon on taxpayer dollars we talk about the trend of baby boomers using BDSM to spice things up in the bedroom mistress Natalie gives her take on a kink scene from the movie Euro trip we get into the Army Hammer accusations and how it has to do with the world of BDSM and kink and more if you'd like to Subscribe and Rate the Podcast support the aoro podcast please subscribe to and rate the show on YouTube and Spotify this is a huge help for getting the word out about the podcast because the more ratings and subscribers we have the more the overlord algorithm will suggest our show to other people who may be interested in it you can also join aoro Prem for five bucks a month where you get bonus episodes subscriber only amas mini sodes the ability to become part of the show and that is at aoro dosup cast.com thank you for however you choose to support and without further Ado please enjoy this deep diving wide ranging episode with mistress Natalie I I was thinking and by the way we're in mistress Natalie's dominatrix d right now in New York City coming to you from the dungeon and as I was setting up my podcast equipment I was taking out the the microphones the stands and I was like this has to be about the lamest thing that's ever been set up in this room like if you're if you're taking out like sticks or or you're taking out like just things that look like they could be used for BDSM and then you're like oh by the way this is just a microphone it's like this is this is a total let down this is this is just podcast equip yeah but that's okay because you know Doms are very resourceful um you know we we shop at what we call Dom Depot instead of Home Depot and everything has a different uh purpose than probably what's it is intended for uh I'm sure I can find lots of fun things to do with your microphones oh yeah what so what does a Dom Depot look like describe to What does a Dom Depot look like? me what I would see when I'm walking into a Dom Depot and how is it set up with the different aisles in the layout and everything like that well I mean as as you walk through Home Depot the things that most people are going to be using to construct something build something we're probably thinking about how we can torture some various body parts or rig some sort of bondage or what we can strap down and so we just have a very different perspective of what things can be used for Clips clamps all sorts of stuff and we're like oh this could go oh this is really yeah have you have you ever had have you you ever had an experience in a session maybe you're traveling you forget something a necessary piece of equipment and you have to Freestyle on the spot and you you see a lampshade in the corner of the hotel room and you're like that's the [ __ ] blindfolder what or like what have you ever had the freestyle during a session it's really funny because as somebody who's really used to having all of this available to me uh when I first started traveling it was very challenging because there's only so much that you can bring and I was not accustomed to it so going into every hotel room you know you kind of feel like mcgyver like what can I use to make the things happen what can I hang oh this bed doesn't have bed post great now like what am I going to do where am I what am I going to find in the room is this door going to be stable enough can I hang an enema bag from this you know curtain rod or is it not going to work so you literally just go around looking at things like what can I use to do what I want to do it's actually kind of fun you could I I mean that sounds super creative you you could be it's like obviously it's completely different things but the image that popped up into my mind is uh an assassin that works for the CIA and he forgot his weapon and he's just looking around the room like [ __ ] this guy's gonna be home in 20 minutes what can I use to strangle this guy and you're you're obviously not doing it for uh uncontrolled violence you're doing it for a very specific consensual situ situation but you have I'm I'm assuming you have similar thoughts where like [ __ ] yeah and you furniture and like you get on the furniture at least I do and you're like okay is this going to work for this position you know you get you lay on it you put your legs back you get on all fours is this comfortable how about if you bend over this and you start rearranging things and like oh this table's really heavy it could work for this and so yeah you just look at everything and start like testing the the functionality of it for your purposes yeah H how important is it to Being the Most Comfortable Person in the Room be the most comfortable person in the room because I imagine when you first started you have clients and it's s it's similar with whatever industry you're in whether it's you know podcasting or being a lawyer on your first case or or whatever it is you're almost feigning confidence when you first start imposter syndrome yeah oh for sure you know did you have did you have a period where you had to fake the confidence in the session when you first started to make the other person feel like you're in charge or did that just come naturally 10 years wow I mean I I really realistically I was having this conversation interestingly the other day with somebody who's in the industry for only three years and they're like when do you find that you know confidence that you really believe and I was like honestly seven to 10 years yeah I mean to to really feel like I know what the [ __ ] I'm doing I could do this with my eyes closed one hand you know tied on my back but it it takes a long time and it's fake it till you make it until then at least for me you know so if but I started when I was 18 so maybe I think if you come to it when you're more secure with yourself as a person and confident um in yourself as a as a person then it's probably less time but for me because I started so young it it took me a long time yeah I I've heard similar timelines for other professions especially in media whether it's it's someone hosting a radio show or podcast or someone who's trying to become a stand-up comic they'll often say that you're a baby when you're five years in and then 10 years in is like you're just getting your infancy like you're learning to crawl and then people that have been doing it for 20 30 years are like I am just like getting into my dominance now like I I I feel like after a couple decades in it which I've not yet experienced with podcasting because I'm five six years in at this but I do feel every time I do it I I I feel more and more confident but I do feel the shedding of that fainted comfortability a little bit to the point where I'm like oh yeah I I've done this before I've done this you know dozens of times hundreds of times and now it just feels like a second nature thing yeah I I definitely it's it's funny hearing other professions feel the same because that's just how I I perceived it from my own my own experience yeah I love how I'm just like yeah so speaking of dominatrix my own podcasting experience um so we we were messaging a little bit back and forth before the recording just Why do People seek out a Professional in BDSM? talking about topics for today and what we think could be good to get into and so just to lay out the structure of the episode we'll get into a couple topics and then we're also going to react to some things in the dominatrix pop culture and have a professional here so she can tell me what my instincts are and if they're right and you know where I'm probably wrong about reacting to things so I'm glad that we have your Professional Eye with us here today and then at the end we'll do a little bit of a show and tell and if the YouTube algorithm overlords are kind you guys will get to see that uh and if you don't it'll probably be on uh supercast or or patreon and and you guys can check it out there so um I thought I thought a good place to start would be one of the topics that we were going back and forth about which is like why people seek out a professional when it comes to BDSM and like why people seek out a dominatrixs so when you're taking on new clients what are some of the most common instincts or or common uh I don't know what the right word to say common um I guess like the things people say that compell them to seek out a dominatrix when you're fetting them what are some of the most common things that people will tell you um well I think one of the big things that probably makes them seek out a professional over just maybe experimenting in uh their personal life is finding someone that has the skill set necessary to do the things that they would like done to them and if you're just asking somebody that you're you know involved with in whatever personal way that is they probably have only the amount of information that you have which isn't going to give you a lot of confidence that they're going to be able to do it well yeah and the big thing about BDSM is trust and if there isn't trust there um that the person is going to be able to do these things to you safely and sanely um then you're not going to be able to enjoy what's happening or relax into it so finding out somebody can actually do these things safely whether it's bondage there is tons of issues that can come up when you are doing bondage um things can go really wrong and if people aren't skilled and understanding that it could it could be very dangerous and and that is true for a lot of things um maybe not so much from a safety standpoint but just a comfortability standpoint where hey I want to try you know some anal play or this or that if someone doesn't know what they're doing it could be be very uncomfortable and be a real negative experience versus seeking a professional where it could be a very very positive experience um and there is a lot going on in BDSM and kink where safety is a a major a major issue so do you find that there's a lot of people People Entering BDSM Industry without Training that are entering the industry but they're not getting the proper training or or maybe they're not being upfront about how much they've been trained and then people are getting hurt in sessions is is that a thing that happens a lot I have to say I am constantly like so proud of this industry and how much it has changed in the 31 years that I've been in it because for the first 10 15 years there was no like code of ethics on what you did what you said you could do people were doing stuff with like no training not even trying to figure out how to do it you know it was it was actually really scary and terrible that sounds scary I mean I'm looking at some of the toys on this wall that you know we'll probably go through towards the end of the episode but if you just handed me one of those belts or one of those masks you know just something that I'm either wrapping around someone or putting inside them and you said all right here you do it and I have zero training I'm just like I'm just going to guess which hole this goes in and then it hurts you tell me to stop it was it was a free-for-all it was really terrible but there's been been such a massive shift and right now more than ever before there are tons of platforms and wonderful people out there uh there's a seven days of domination which does these lectures uh by very qualified people ranging every kind of topic there's baby Dom boot camp there's books there is so much information out there now and not only is there information the younger people who are getting into this industry want it they are very respectful of the people who've been in the industry and who have the skill set I can't tell you how many times I've been contacted um because one of my specialties is medical play for um lessons like I want to learn this skill can you teach me and it's across the board so I will say that and and they're also very ethical in um expressing their level of um skill in a certain area and not saying that they're doing things in general that they can't do um of course like any industry you're going to have your outliers you're going to have your people who are doing it for the right reasons and um that's going to be in any industry but yeah the women um and uh the non-binary humans and the men who are practicing this to you know today are really doing it from um wanting to be very conscientious about their profession and their craft so yeah it's great do you think that as BDSM and kink is becoming more widely accepted and Is BDSM becoming more and more Accepted? it's not see because I know back in the day BDSM and kink was in the dsm5 handbook for uh dis like medical disorders people who are interested in that and obviously now Medical Science has advanced to the point where we realize that it's a sexuality preference that you're there's nothing wrong with you if you are into BDSM or you're into subd whatever it is do you think that with the spreading of the acceptability that there's going to be like I don't know like North Carolina Dom University or something where it's like you could go to school to learn different types of Kinks but like actually in the future if you grew up and you're like I'm 18 years old I want to be a Dominatrix and then you're going to go to school for three years to just train in you know like North Carolina has high quality basketball gyms you'll have a state-of-the-art dungeon and train as a dominatrix you know I would love to think that um our country would allow something like that but with our still very puritanical views on a lot of things I don't think it'll be that widely accepted but I do think that the availability of quality information is going to continue to grow uh it is becoming much more accepted I think people's sexuality in gen in general is becoming more accepted and um as that hopefully flourishes over the years then we'll see more opportuni for people to learn and grow yeah so one of the other Concept of Sex and Feeling like a Sexual Astronaut things that we spoke about before the before we started recording was expanding the concept of sex and how Bean dominatrix can expand uh the concept of what the average person may or may not consider a sexual thing or sexual preference and I wrote this down because this image came to my mind when you sent me that message about being a Dom expanding your concept of sex is the photo of the astronauts on the moon but looking back at the Earth and the Earth once you see the Earth as a Blue Marble you'll never be able to look at the Earth the same way again it just totally changes your perception of where you are as an astronaut as a human being and you know maybe that sounds over deep or like I'm I'm philosophizing too much but like I I genuinely wanted to ask with your experience being a Dom do you do you feel almost like a sexual astronaut where you are just looking at things from a a place where the average person is just never going to experience and because of that your concept is just totally different oh definitely um I I can't believe all of the things that I've been exposed to over the years that have just made my point of reference go from this much to like this huge huge range and and it's only been through experiencing all of these things with different people and understanding that we have a capacity for so much more than we give ourselves credit for and you know we like to label everything and put everything into a nice little box but when you kind of let all of that go and you just experience things you realize like oh my goodness all of this is uh in what can be considered something that's sexual uh and it's it's great because there are lots of times when things come up in life where traditional sex is not going to work and if you only have this narrow focus of this is what sex is then you're really selling yourself short and you're not experiencing so many things that could be absolutely wonderful so if you open up your mind to what sex can be then all of a sudden you have all of these other great options yeah I've I've been thinking more about that recently where like if no one ever showed you what sex looked like and you didn't have the you weren't viewing pornography when you were a kid and you just were like a blank slate when it came to sex and then you got together with another person and you just wanted to express intimacy MH there would be so much more than just the traditional missionary doggy style cowgirl like whatever the big three positions are for people and I wonder for myself how much of the the preferences that I have are are me just sort of uh sucking in the normalizations like a vacuum into my own psyche and being like well this is the Overton window this is what's accepted and I've never really explored outside that and so that's like the only moves I have kind of like as a baseball player I'm I'm very watched up now but until someone shows you another pitch and you throw it and you're like holy [ __ ] like I didn't know a baseball could move like that that that curveball grip was insane let me you know show me how you do that that's insane I I wonder how much of that and how much the average person who's never uh experienced a dominatrix session or just any sort of BDSM or K in general is is uh missing out or or just like not fully expressing the capacity of their intimacy they're at like 20 to 30% when there's just like another 80% that you could it it's true and the desire though has to be there you know some people are really content and happy with their 20% and there's nothing wrong with it you know that is just who they are they don't have the need in them or the desire or the Curiosity to explore that other 80% that's possible um and that's wonderful because they are really happy but for people who do want more and who are curious um kind of overcoming the fear or the anxiety or the potential Mor moral issues or whatever is could be you know an obstacle for them to explore if they can get over that and start to see all of the other things that are out there then you know things can really really open up and become very exciting yeah let's uh let's get into some of the reactions because a lot of this has to Dominatrix Group Demands $250K Dungeon From Fort Lauderdale Commission play off the the openness and just how people are introduced to the BDSM World in general en and so the first story that I want to pull up is a Florida dominatrix group that wanted the city council to build a dungeon and I I believe this is from 2022 so the title of the article is Florida dominatrix group demands $250,000 dungeon from local city council it reads to one dominatrix some South Florida lawmakers have been misbehaving lately a dominatrix Trio headed by their latex leader only known as Miss cave showed up to a city commission meeting in Fort Lauderdale Florida Tuesday and demanded the creation of a dungeon so local Doms and Subs can let loose their kinky selves the odd request happened as the city's Commissioners were reviewing a nearly $1 million contract for a waste processing plant with Waste Management quote I find it interesting that you would spend almost a million dollars to hide your secrets down the drain Miss cave in front of the local lawmakers said while wearing a fly Tech suit with only her mouth visible I propose that you use a quarter of that million to support Doms and subs in Broward County build a dungeon created for us by us the taxpayers and voting citizens so should the United States government fund dominatrix dungeons this is absurd I mean there's it and you know it as a person who is uh a practicing professional seeing this and seeing how they came to court it just made me really angry because it's it's all just a shtick you know they're trying to get attention they're doing all of this um very stereotyped Behavior the way that they speak the way that they dress coming into court and very inappropriate attire like that is just a a total gimmick to get attention for whatever thing that they are doing like some club or some [ __ ] down in in Florida and to to get a public eye to notice that they exist yeah um but really it has nothing to do with dom subs or uh BDSM and kink um yes there should be acceptance but you don't go about it that way at all and and I know people and it really makes me mad because I know a lot of people who are Doms and who are sex workers who advocate for us for us being a legitimate uh you know business and career and have rights and um it's just so offsets that that and these people work really hard with legislators and people in their community and they do all of the right things and to have people go dressed like this and be really disrespectful um in the way they address people it's it's terrible yeah it's terrible I mean it it is it is in my opinion I no I agree with the like if you're going to get something passed like this and you're dealing with lawmakers who are used to people showing up in ties and pants suits and you show up in I don't know if there is there a name for what she was wearing the thing where you just have your mouth exposed stupid what she was wearing in a courtroom does not belong so so so if you're if you're G to try to get a law passed by lawmakers who you know they they're just looking at people all day that are dressed business professional and then you show up in a suit with you're just covered in latex and your mouth is exposed and you're talking right away like you're giving half of the people up there a heart attack for sure like an 85-year-old congressman from North Carolina probably doesn't even know what he's looking at and then other people are just going to be like you know I'm like you're you're so uh they're discrediting themselves by looking like that I mean you and also I think she she may have um said something like slave or this or that to Like These people aren't your subs like you don't talk to people who haven't consented to being in a DS relationship like they're your submissive like you you don't go and treat other people the way you would treat a consensual submissive yeah so you don't do that so showing up essentially turning the courtroom into a dungeon yeah you know is is not the way to get a the government to pay for a local dungeon if if that's what your true goal was yeah yeah if if you if you had the opportunity to show up to court and fight for let's say you know the government was thinking about passing a law to make public dungeons in New York City or just like some some version of what they were doing in Broward County you would show up in you know civilian clothes appropriate attire yeah that and also you know she is putting this like stereotype of that's what a Dom looks like trust me there are plenty of Doms who wouldn't wear that if you paid them and they would be like no so you know obviously they're doing it as this gimmick to just get attention yeah it's not I mean if you were trying to push forward the the BDSM movement with local law enforcement or just politicians in general that does not seem like the way to do it that that seems more like like you were saying like a shock and a thing where you're just trying to make counter get in makes you look like a joke it makes you look unprofessional like it's really truly counterproductive yeah no one's going to take you seriously yeah and and I'm sure like maybe not in in Broward County but and I don't know if this is a stereotype just because of all the shows that I've seen where politicians are going to BDSM Dungeons and they don't tell their wives about it but I'm sure was a guy up there that goes to BDSM dungeons regularly and he sees this girl walking in the latex suit and he's like look I'm not I I've been doing this for decades I'm not intimidated by you you're you're the one who's messing up the relationship right now I'm I I do this every weekend you're the one who's acting inappropriately and and I'm just gonna you know shut this down right now yeah it was it was it silly it was it was just you know attention so speaking of Baby boomers use BDSM to Spice up Bedroom uh BDSM dungeons the Baby Boomers apparently are having a spike in BDSM use or at least according to people that have been doing these surveys so this article is called 50 Shades of gray hair baby boomers use BDSM to spice up the bedroom you know the person who wrote this article was so proud of that title they were like we we need something 50 Shades of Gray gray uh [ __ ] uh hair 50 Shades of gray hair um it's pretty good it's good yeah it's it's it definitely uh gets the point across for sure um so baby boomers are experimenting with 50 Shades of Gray and not just their hair color older New Yorkers are booking more appointments for bondage discipline dominance submission and s s sadism masochism or BDSM according to a Manhattan domination Miss Kitty laroo Adam at a Manhattan dungeon told the post her Boomer clients that or told the post rather her Boomer clients want to learn how to please their partner and unpack years of sexual oppression Miss Kitty whose sessions start at 255 an hour and can span 12 hours has said that consensual Kink is like emotional therapy but costs less than a shrink what is your record for session length by the way well I mean in those 12 hours that that say she says um there's generally breaks you know yeah you have to eat you have to drink you have to do all of all of that sort of stuff um I've actually had multi-day sessions wow um but again there's sort of an EB and flow to the activities and the intensity of the of the activity but you sort of stay in that DS Dynamic even if you're out in public or dinner or this or that and it's it's nothing that's necessarily really blatant it'll it could be very subtle things that are discussed in advance what's appropriate because again you don't want to bring other people into your Kink so um if it goes outside of whatever space you're in if it's over several days uh there's certain understanding of what's acceptable and not acceptable but yeah couple couple of days so it's more like if it's a a session that's that long if it's multiple days it's more like the the life you're living as a sub your client would be living as a sub you're living as a Dom you're doing things like going out to eat or or going to the grocery store things like that but you're staying like you said in that dynamic in that relationship yeah okay exactly makes sense um so Miss Kitty laru she says we're like sex therapist Is BDSM a way to Heal Trauma? noting that sessions often involve more talk than action there has been a quote influx of people coming in from all ages and backgrounds since the isolation days of the pandemic including women and married couples sessions can be healing for clients with past sexual trauma because they can play out painful memories but give them a different end said Dylan gong another Dom gong said that they were healed by BDSM which ranges from light spanking to choking and rope bondage so are is BDSM is this a way to heal uh trauma that has been repressed or even like generational generational trauma have you had clients that come to you that that maybe uh they're in the baby boomer age range where it's like we did not grow up with this this is considered taboo from our generation but this is something that we're going to get into now we're going to explore so there's definitely a lot you know going on in what they're saying first is the age thing about the Boomers and them coming yeah um I have found that because I have been doing this for a long time that yes people in that age group definitely participate I don't know if all of a sudden they're like coming to it now I think honestly they've been into it for a while so I don't think that all of a sudden there's an influx of that age group um but I do definitely agree that postco there is an influx of people in general um across age across gender uh across across relationship status so yes more couples more women um you know more people of all different age groups coming to this after the pandemic you know for obvious reasons you know you realize just how precious life is and if there's things that you want to explore I should I should get to it because we don't know what's what's around the corner so so definitely for sure um I've seen a lot of that and I've seen a lot of people who had hid this from Partners during the pandemic opening up to their partners and telling their partners that this was a part of themselves and then either coming as a solo person or coming as a person who now has a partner who knows that they're doing this um so yeah for for sure that definitely happened and there's also a big sort of you know question about BDSM therapy you know and even on my website I say like therapeutic BDSM but you know you have to be very careful when you're talking about it being healing or being able to heal trauma I personally do think that BDSM is a wonderful Avenue and can have very therapeutic properties to it it is in no way shape or form a supplement for traditional therapies um with licensed professionals I think it is a great adjunct and if done properly I know a lot of therapists psychiatrists psychoanalyst will actually suggest that people seek out a dominatrix um really yes I've had at least five people come to me um with their therapist saying why don't you just try it okay so so yes the in that session I'd imagine they the the client with the therapist was expressing some need for BDSM or Kink or maybe something repressed and then the therapist goes ahead and says you know talking can only go so far you need to experience experience this [ __ ] like you got to do it firsthand yeah so for for sure and and yes I do think also people use BDSM in the way that they would use other Healing Arts like massage meditation yoga um you know it it's very similar in what it can do to your body and your mental state when you practice BDSM um again I wouldn't say that yoga is therapy but some people definitely will you know be very very agreeable to the fact that yoga is therapeutic so in the same way a BDSM session could be very similar to a yoga session and there's great physical and mental things that happen when you participate in BDSM um you know sort of going out side of your spectrum of of what you're qualified to do that's a touchy subject so I don't think that Dom should ever say they can heal somebody or that they could they can help them process through their their trauma because you're really getting into a dangerous situation there because if people do have a lot of trauma and you are not skilled in being able to know how to appropriately handle it then you can both be in danger so you really need to be careful with what you're doing and sometimes as a Dom who has been in this situation where you know people are coming to you for a very therapeutic session um you have to be careful that they understand you are not their therapist because sometimes then that responsibility does come onto you and you're not really equipped um to to deal People talking about Issues during the Session with it so do people start talking about issues that are beyond the subd role sometimes where they a lot you're like we're talking about you know I can't tell you why your first wife left you but I you know I can we can do other things so it's interesting especially for me I've been doing this over three decades I've known a lot of my Subs over two decades so the the level that you get to know the person is intensely crazy especially since you know trust is sort of the very beginning of the relationship and over years it grows from there and I honestly can't tell you how many people have told me that I know them better than anybody else they know better than their therapist better than their brother better than their wife because of the level of communication and trust and also not having people judge yeah um so yes I definitely think I have been very helpful in having people process things even if it's just an understanding non-judgmental ear to listen to your [ __ ] that is in your life and that can be so you know healing just to have somebody who can listen yeah U and they're scared to tell the therapists some of the things that they like or don't like or that are going on and uh because they feel they're going to be judged as sad as that is um a lot of people joke they're like oh you should take insurance you know that that kind of thing because we understand we understand there's something really really positive about what's going on um well outside of the actual activities yeah that are that are happening yeah I mean that that makes sense that if you're going through an intense A Dom Session turning to a Therapy Session physical experience that other emotions might get cropped up or or boundaries between what's physical and what's emotional and what is proper to talk about in a session with a Dom maybe those lines get crossed where it it becomes uh you know like you said it starts to turn into a therapy session rather than a subd session and you said something that made me think cuz the like the the calming or the meditative state that I imagine a lot of clients get into and they they come to you uh I forget the the word that you used Subspace Subspace yeah uh but it you said it was like a like a a cathartic session or it could be uh like some sort of a release for the client like one of those sessions do you feel like you get into that space as a Dom are you able to get into a meditative space or a cathartic space or is there so much going on that you're overseeing that it's hard to just completely let go well it's you know it's different it's sort of called top space and yeah it can be very meditative in some scenes like I have a a lot of very heavy sensory deprivation bondage sessions and a lot of times there's almost no like verbal communication and in those scenes uh it it can be very very um therapeutic for me where it's just like you get into this sort of head space that's fabulous and amazing uh Dom's also kind of because we are in in those situations very much in control and in charge and thinking thinking but it there's also a lot of you know cortisol and there's lots of endorphins and like all of this stuff is going on so you get this kind of high sort of like a runner's high yeah especially when the sessions are longer two three four hours of that um and then like everybody else some people Crash from it some you know and there's there's this lull that comes because you're in this heightened state with all of these Feelgood hormones rushing through your body for hours and then you have like a crash at the end of it so yeah Dom's getting into that space for sure that that makes sense like the I mean I I don't know any intense physical activity that I've done where I'm not at least approaching a different mental headp space or and often times whether it's sex or or working out or uh just even like a longer meditation session or doing heavy breathing I I feel like the mental state starts to like Peak into something that wouldn't be there without the physical aspect of it yeah so I wanted to show you a scene from the movie Euro trip and I was looking for scenes that looked like they wouldn't get pulled down from YouTube because there are a lot of things other shows that I've seen recently like succession or billions that have more recent subd scenes but it looks like all those get taken down pretty much immediately so I am going to play you the scene and then if YouTube allows it I'm going to Overlay it onto the the episode but we can at least react and you guys will hear the audio and then hopefully the video will be up there as well so I'm going to pull up this is the scene from Euro trip uh it's called Club Vander sex Eurotrip Club Vandersex Scene and just as a background to this scene uh the so there's a group of people that go to Europe they're getting [ __ ] up it's like fresh out of college uh or I think it might be like a college road trip but either way it's just like a bunch of 21 year olds getting [ __ ] up in Europe and they're traveling around and then the train to go somewhere else is taking a while so they have a break and then one of the guys wanders off and he finds himself in club Vander sex in Germany and this is what he encounters so let me just uh pull this clip Up on on Thunder [Music] sex HT rer [Music] so are the girls coming back administer the testicle clamps huh [Music] what what is that that's not a word that's a lug lug ow ow ow ow ow bling genin Holland did you say Fugler yes yes for the love of God flug hler are you sure yes please As You Wish bring on the fluger c k wait what that's [ __ ] great that's hysterical I love it you know I mean it's it's fabulous we all like to make fun of things we don't understand um but that's done in a really fun cheeky way I think that's great do you see anything that you're like oh that is actually something that would happen or or that's a tool that I would use in my dungeon like what the most realistic things from that yeah actually I mean the gear was I I know it's going to sound strange but even the monkey with the Clapping symbols like honestly we I do some weird stuff and I'm like I saw that and I was like oh those humiliation sessions I'm going to get me one of those monkeys because you know obviously uh they're making a joke of something that we consider very very serious right but all the gear was there you know the the bondage and stuff that was all definitely usable equipment um but what people don't understand is there are plenty of sessions I have that are funny and we laugh and we know how ridiculous some of the stuff that we're doing is um but it's fun it's play I mean we call it play in the scene um so it's like what time do you want to play kind of thing so we use play as a word of when we're going to engage in a BDSM scene and a lot of times it's very light and very fun and supposed to be like adult playtime so it can be silly and you can laugh and have weird things in it and it could be a lot of fun and and I assume your your safe words are much more pronounceable than uh an obscure German word that you're that someone doesn't even speak German yeah no I mean from a from an ethical standpoint you would never do something like that and you talk to the person about the safe word first and you make sure they know what it is and then there's also alternative like oh if you are bound and you are gagged and your hands are in mitts and like you can't snap your fingers or you can't say your safe word how do we communicate that you need assistance so you know short sharp grunts or hum happy birthday to you or whatever so it's like there's many options for safe words so you always know that that is available to you that reminds me in uh in Jiu-Jitsu so obviously if you have one hand free you can tap the other person and let them know to let go but sometimes you're in a position where both your arms are locked up so you have to actually say the word and now that I'm thinking about it tap you just say tap tap tap yeah but that's like the safe word for Jiu-Jitsu when someone is just like strangling you so good they have such a good body lock on you you're like yeah like and then you know obviously it's over but that that just came to mind when when you were describing the you know like if you're in a position where you can't speak like what are you what are you going to do yeah exactly is there is is there a Best BDSM Scenes in a Movie or a TV Show movie or a TV series that you've watched where the BDS scene BDSM scenes stand out to you for some reason whether it's their the most realistic or you know maybe billions had some good ones billions has the good ones um sucession did too there was some scenes and obviously it wasn't like a professional scenario but it was uh in personal relationships I thought those were were really really well done yeah the the billions I think does billions open with the do yes okay that that scene was great uh there's another scene or there's a few scenes uh once Paul Gatti and his wife break up and he goes back to the dungeons those scenes are great and then the speech I wish we could play the speech without it getting taken down but where he just Reveals His King think to the public as the uh as the judge and just like the very heartfelt very like yeah I'm into this and I'm also a person that's in a high office and those two things don't have to be uh they can coexist yeah exactly you can coexist as both of those things I just I just thought that speech was like such a a really good [ __ ] scene obviously Paul Gatti is is unbelievable as well but like that that whole scene was uh that sticks in my mind for sure definitely so uh you mentioned some funny moments that happen occasionally Funniest Moment during a Session during scenes is there one that you'd be able to get into without revealing too much detail or just a moment that genuinely made you laugh and you maybe even had to stop a session because you're like this is just too [ __ ] hilarious like we need to pause for a second you know if if it's not the kind of scene where you should be laughing you you got to suck it up or Le try I mean you know it's it it is but I mean there are some people and some scenes uh especially the humiliation scenes where the the person expects you to kind of laugh at them and to not hold that stuff in like the more that you're actually laughing at them um at the Ridiculousness of the scenario the better the more humiliating it is so yeah I've had definitely a couple of very interesting scenes uh one I I never I had the person karaoke Bohemian rap city okay but you know I mean they're like dressed in this ridiculous outfit and they can't sing a lick and here they are just having to like belt it out like no real accompaniment just like going for it and I was just like oh my God this is like one of the best things I've ever seen in my life were they so one were they trying to dress up as Freddy Mercury was it was it like a queen theme thing or he just love this song so no but basically it was I I would give two choices of you're going to either do a or b and you choose um and we had like a whole list of this over the course of like several hours and he's also into some sort of like gross like like play I don't know how to say like I I put like eating these BG I've got these crickets on Amazon and you can't my God they smelled so terrible and sardines and like protein now right sardines and he hates fish and I know this so the choice was like these crickets that basically look like roaches I mean when I opened the can I knew there were crickets in there but I was like and I literally jumped and like one of the bugs almost fell out of the Fring can even though I knew there were bugs in it so you know his choice was like eat eat the fish or or eat the The Crickets and then as far as the clothing went it was just like a very [ __ ] outfit it was pink Ruffles had a diaper underneath it you know and then there was so it's like as we were progressing he had already eaten I think he chose the Crickets and then he was dressed in this like adult baby [ __ ] pink outfit with like high heels and you know all this insanity and was what was the other option for the the karaoke with uh Bohemian rap city do you remember goodness was it another song Whitney Houston um the one that uh uh I I I I'm I think telepathically I know which one you're you're talking about I'm not going to even attempt to see s sing it I uh where she just belts out you know yeah like so it was a wi he's not ridiculous I I love Whitney Houston but I I'd go Freddy Mercury all day I mean Bohemian rap city is just I mean if if my goal is to lose myself and get into a meditative State and sort of forg my what's going on around me have an out-of- Body Experience hitting those high notes even though I do it absolutely [ __ ] awfully in uh Bohemian rap city you you just have to go full into it and uh you know and and Whitney Houston goes high too I I just there's just something about Bohemian rap city where I go yeah if I had to sing that in front of someone that would be just humiliating but also I think I'd have the most fun with that one for some reason it was and then I had this like a blowup sheep like it was like you know like a plastic blowup yeah that you know they have the dolls like the the the women well this was a sheep so it had a hole in the back and it was dressed in like the Sheep had on like stockings like painted on it and all that stuff it was like a [ __ ] sheep it was a [ __ ] sheep and I was like well this this is your date for the evening so I think you should get to know each other and he had to like pet it and like look into its eyes and kiss it and I was just like this is your date make her feel comfortable make her oh my God I thought I thought you said that he was going to have to bang the Sheep while while singing Bohemian rap city at the same time not while singing but you know probably later on the sheep coming to play I mean you got you're not going to waste you're not going to waste a hole with a blow up sheep there C certain options actually I don't know if it was the sheep that day I think it was like applesauce and something else I don't remember mayonnaise applesauce and mayonnaise and that was another choice for what you I mean applesauce all day Apple I would just that's something that I would eat normally so I'd have to take applesauce for sure oh no that's what he was going to like masturbate into oh okay then that changes it then I mean I'd have to think the the oil from the mayonnaise even though it take longer to get the smell off I I'd have to think the lubrication from mayonnaise because every time you open a jar mayonnaise it does have that like vegetable oil layer I would just try to get a good amount of that top oil with some of the mayonnaise and just just go to town applesauce I feel like that would just drip away very quickly yeah and I think also at one point he was in a very big pink adult diaper and he chose to eat cereal out of the diaper so I put a whole box of tricks in the diaper and a gallon of milk and had this big massive spoon and he had to like have his cereal well tricks are not always for kids not always for kids sometimes adults have tricks too so you know you get very creative it's it's actually quite a bit of and I mean there was a lot of laughing there was it was Ridiculousness yeah so I I just want to know one more thing about the the Bohemian rap city so was this an actual karaoke machine where he was singing the like the lyrics were on the screen singing micone YouTube I had on YouTube and I also have like a really cheap microphone so got it was a microphone and he got to read it off of I love that I I feel like I mean you can't walk out of that session as a client less confident if you're if you're singing Freddy Mercury in [ __ ] clothes and then you go out to a bar and your friends are doing karaoke and everyone is scared to go first you're not going to you're just G to be like I was doing this in heels two hours ago you know with a dominatrix watching me and then I used mayonnaise to jerk off to a blowup sheep of course I'm going to go first in karaoke in a in a bar in New York City like that seems like nothing video taped too okay so so so you could you have the evidence you could be like look you gota now when you're out in the world you have to do karaoke or else I'm just going to Tweet out this video and and that's you know I'm going to control you that way I love that it's pretty good um so not to bring down the tone too much but I I did want Armie Hammer's Cannibal Accusations to get into the Army Hammer cannibal accusations because as Army Hammer has come out recently he's done the gamet of interviews with Piers Morgan Bill Maher uh like three or four other podcasts I've heard him on and I've actually spoke to Jamie kiric who is an investigative journalist and he was the first one to do a print interview with Army Hammer Jamie spoke to Army out in La I think it was maybe a year year and a half ago and when he spoke to Army that was the first time that I saw when I was reading Jaime's article uh that Army Hammer was talking about how big the BDSM and kink played a role in the accusations and that there were a lot of things that were provided in documentaries about Army Hammer and provided to the media without the context that this was an agreement between two people and and that it was uh a consensual consensual BDSM Kink acts uh according to Army Hammer and so I just wanted to provide some context before we get into it so just as a summary a few years ago Army Hammer was canceled from Hollywood for accusations of being a cannibal and a sexual abuser and since then it's come to light through the work of J Jamie Krick and recent Army Hammer interviews that there's so much more Nuance to the story uh that was maliciously excluded in my opinion from the original accusations and the entire text conversations show the fully willing and excited partners of Army Hammer reciprocating and even initiating the same types of texts that Army was canceled for and there's a quote that I joted down from Piers Morgan where Army Army Hammer says uh he says quote in my sexual relationships with people I was very cognizant and very aware about presenting that these are my desires these are my Kinks do any of these sound good to you let's move slowly through this if there's anything you want to try we can try them and we'll make sure we do it safely and with communication and with healthy boundaries there was nothing to be gained from me having a sexual experience that my partner didn't appreciate or enjoy and then something else that came out was that Army Hammer uh you know was a sexual abuser because he was into rape roleplay and so he commented on that as well where he said quote it was not only with her knowledge but also with her planning she said meet me at the Starbucks and follow me home and then come in the door and do this it was even awkward and clumsy and it was something we tried once and she wanted to try and I wanted to be an accommodating partner and he talks about using safe words like orange meant pause or I'm feeling overwhelmed but I'm still into it and then red uh meant stop completely uh and there's other texts from Army Hammer that we can get into in a little bit but I I just wanted to pause there to ask you uh with with everything that's come out and um just like recent comments from Army Hammer and I'm and I'm obviously I'm not expecting you to have watched the the full interviews this is just slight context and anyone who's listening to this can check out the Piers Morgan interview the uh billah interview and just decide for yourself what you think about what Army Hammer is saying but just from this extra context here that was not available when the HBO documentary came out and when he was cancelled from Hollywood what what are your thoughts on on the Army Hammer situation the accusations and then this sort of Rebirth of uh him giving context with the Kink BDSM roleplay being behind a lot of the texts that were L that were leaked yeah I actually didn't know that much about this so again in a situation where it's one person said one thing one person said nothing we never really know exactly yeah what what's going on and obviously if these things happened without the person's consent or if boundaries were um not kept that's a huge issue um but if information was withheld talking about the fact that you know there were boundaries that were set up and these people did completely know what was going on participate willingly consent then obviously it's really a shame that that information wasn't part of what was going on because if two people are willing participants in consensual play then it it shouldn't be an an issue yeah um I just I don't know how all of that started like were there just accusations against him that people said that so from my memory from When I Importance of Communication and Boundaries Was preparing for the interview with Jamie kchi and if you search Jamie Kik uh Army Hammer he has a 30 minute read online that that people can check out where he has context from army and then some context from the accusers through the outlets that they came out to and then the full texts that uh were shared between Army Hammer and his accusers and I remember uh and I could be wrong about this but I I think it was the girl Effie who came out and accused Army Hammer of sexual abuse and taking advantage of her Crossing consent lines and she provided text messages and DMS to show this and then other accusers came out uh there's a another woman Courtney that came out and also showed texts that ended up being partial texts everyone piled on a lot of these texts were mentioning cannibal cannibalism and I want to eat you and the media took that ran with it and you know as they do with a lot of things without context but that seemed like very extreme it's just like Army Hammer is a cannibal does Army Hammer eat people all this stuff and then uh to my understanding he just kind of went away the the LAPD didn't end up charging him with anything the case didn't go anywhere but he just went away for a long time and then came back uh a few months ago into to the public eye and now giving very long form interviews on Pierce Morgan on Bill Mah uh on just like a lot of long form podcasts just talking about very awkward things and a lot of the uh just like the the things from that were sensual to like things that were awkward or even funny and things that were like uh just walking people through like his mindset why this was occurring and obviously there's there's multiple parts to every single story so so you can't just take one person's word for it but I appreciated the context that he was providing with you know this is what I was thinking or you know I sent these texts uh when I was inebriated and sitting in a hotel room alone and I was getting positive feedback so I just you know I I just ran with and it it was what it was but yeah I believe it started with that first girl Effie coming out uh back in like 2017 or whatever it was and then that kind of just started the whole [ __ ] storm yeah I mean again no idea I'm sure somebody's coming forward that whatever their claim is needs to be taken seriously if there was no followup you know so that doesn't mean anything um either way and it's a it's a tricky situation because as somebody who who's been doing this for a long time even when you agree to something sometimes you do it and then afterwards you realize hey that was too much I agreed but shouldn't or in maybe one of these cases where they're saying I I said no and it went further and the other person's like well I just kind of went with it you know whenever you have this sort of a dynamic it can be very very tricky to make sure that everybody stays within the boundaries that are set and understanding that if boundaries are crossed you know what happens in that scenario because sometimes sometimes it happens like uh people coming into the industry uh sometimes they ask me like how do you know like if you're going to cross a boundary on somebody if they don't know what their boundary is you know a really good point very good question that applies to anything right so how how do you how do you know until you potentially do it and potentially cross that boundary so you have to communicate enough with the person to know if they are wanting to push their boundaries if they're go if they're wanting to find out what those boundaries are that there's a lot of communication and especially if a boundary is crossed that they feel very comfortable saying okay we did this that was not good for me I do not want to do this again and for the person to be okay enough to be willing to continue you know because you you're you're you're chancing it like if you have a bad experience or if something pushes you or is really negative you might not want to go back to that so it could be really you know scary stuff yeah yeah so as a Dom when you when you're coming into to Managing the Shifting Boundaries of a Client a session and you have a client that has pre-established boundaries and you know that you're starting at a point and you still haven't hit the boundary yet but like you said boundaries can be uh have a life of their own depending on how you're feeling that day or what what you're what you've experienced emotions things like that it's it's shifting how do you as a professional sort of manage the lines with the shifting boundaries of a client on a particular day are are you checking in uh like you have a set time like every 10 minutes I'm going to just check in even if the client doesn't say this is you know something I don't want or is it more just like reading body language reading uh verbal language it it really depends on the person for for sure and one thing that I say across the board is you know scenes and sessions and playtime get better the more you know the person um so the more you know them the more you know how to navigate situations and um the more comfortable you also feel pushing boundaries sometimes people come to me they're like I want to try this I want to try that I've never done this I was like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa I don't know you and you're asking me to do all these things that you have never had happened to you before maybe this is way off of into left field for you you don't know that like we have to start here I get to know you I get to know your body language how you respond I get feedback from that like okay this is what we did how was all of that and then I can internalize Like This Is How They responded all of this was okay or something isn't okay and I I learned to pick up what wasn't okay and we talk about that oh that was too much yeah so after you know all of this stuff and you're way more confident in being able to read the person and their non-verbal cues as well as their verbal cues and their body language and their breathing and all of the other things then I feel more comfortable pushing boundaries yeah uh I really don't like when people come to me and they're like you know I just want all you know everything and you know I've had people come and it's like a a first first time encounter they're like well I really want to be pushed and the past three experiences I've had really haven't I don't feel that they've really gone there and I really want to do that and and so you're like okay like let's let's do this and you know have that understanding and sometimes it h happens and the person in this one instance was like this is too much and we stopped about 15 minutes in and they're like it's not your fault I asked for all of this you did it perfectly and it was too much yeah and so then we had like three or four other scenes and it took us a while to find the middle ground you know so it was like we went back repti and and it was like you know they didn't consider them particularly successful sessions whatever that means I said you have too many expectations if you think something's successful or not it should just be about the experience and I was like I considered them all very successful because we learned and you learned um what you want what you don't want and you kind of stuck with it if he would have went to another person you're starting from Ground Zero yeah so it really is that trust building and getting to know each other that is that is essential so for some of my for some of my scenes you know I don't really have to check in like I know just based on what they're doing if it's going to be too much if it's getting too much and then with other people I'll just check in if I think checking in needs to be you know like if they just seem a little bit something seems a little off you know be like are you are you okay try not to do that too much cuz a lot of people really want to feel like they're in the space and you know they don't have control and you know you're guiding everything but sometimes it's just really necessary to check in and make sure things are okay and all this all these interactions it's happening in a complex mishmash of two people going back and forth and trying to figure out each other's boundaries what what someone likes what they don't like what they're willing to you know push the needle on what they're not willing to and all this is happening behind closed doors and I think a lot of the Army Hammer situation uh especially the sort of like the Puritan Outburst about a text to someone saying I want to eat you makes Army Hammer a cannibal I think there's this when you take things that happen behind closed doors and you put them out in the daylight where and we spoke about this when the the dominatrix with the full atex suit with just her mouth open is marching into uh city council meeting demanding uh funds to to build a Dom dungeon it's like you're you're shifting you're mixing uh the the context and you're not having a a a pre- context you're you're not uh having uh you're having a story and you're having details that are hitting the public that is not familiar with the intricacies of this relationship and the intricacies of the BDSM Dynamics or King Dynamics and so you have people judging something Reading A New York Times story at 9:00 a.m. in a cafe about Army Hammer saying you know I want to eat you or I want to put your whole head in my mouth and you know I want to do rape role playay and you're you're maybe you're someone who's always been a traditional person just reading this going like oh my God like this is and you're just sipping your coffee and there's a it's it just makes it uh uh just exponentially more of a [ __ ] storm in my opinion when you have these things where the context is behind closed doors and people are agreeing to that to happen in a private setting almost like when um like when a standup comic is working out a set and they say something that's super over the line but there's 60 people in a dark basement and one person's recording on their Apple watch and they go I'm going to release this to the world that standup is trying to figure out the boundaries of what he or she can or cannot say and then they're going to do that set a thousand times before they record something for Netflix or YouTube or going to release it so I what you were saying just made me think about like that whole dynamic of it this is a a pre agreed to relationship that happens in this dungeon and then if stories about details come out about it and it ends up being on the front page you know of the New York Post or whatever of course people are going to react in anything out of context an irrational way because there's no context there's there's no experience anything out of context can be taken and misconstrued and media is Big Business you know it is it is big big business so um you know finding the truth in all of that and no matter what the subject is is really really hard so you know we don't know what happened we don't know if lines were crossed we will never know because we were not there um so what media does with information is just what media does and if they see a headline and if they see something they can sensationalize they are going to jump on that oh yeah and and that's just the culture that we live in yeah and and you can save yourself from a lot of legal trouble with a question mark when you say Army Hammer is a cannibal question mark even though I I think there's you know you're not technically saying it but it's what these companies do to save their asses is they have a sensational headline but there's no proof of what they're accusing so then they hide behind the question mark and people are like oh my God Army Hammer Cannibal and then you're just like it becomes a uh an endless retweet uh [ __ ] storm so yeah