Armchair Anonymous: Worst Parenting | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

welcome welcome welcome to armchair Anonymous I'm Dak sheeper I'm joined by Lily padman hi there happy birthday um listen this prompt is worst parenting moment yeah and one of these was particularly fun for me because I I thought I was talking to myself yes there was a lot of crossover yes and then as I retold the whole story to my family they too agreed this was something that could have definitely happened yeah yeah these were fun you know it's I'm not a parent well you're parent to [ __ ] baby or what what's his name [ __ ] bear baby no no [ __ ] bear liberti bear please call him by his name liberti okay yes you guys it's hard out there I see you I see you it's hard I'm impressed this is very appropriate timing yeah we had a 2hour bang up last night yeah we have a thing in our house which is family Square someone can call for a family Square oh and everyone's got to sit down especially me cuz I'm big yeah let's make everyone the same size and then we you know we enter the circle of trust and we share pretty openly and we bring up whatever how often do they happen not terribly often I'm going to guess maybe once every six weeks maybe once every couple months some to call a family Square Okay and like yeah last night's family Square was a doozy it went on and on and on and on and you know a lot of it is is like all the stuff people been telling us we're going you know there's changes happening oh wow and across the board too Delta's getting older everyone's getting older it sounded like I started crying after I said they're getting older so yeah it can get really challenging but I also love it I love getting in there trying to figure it all out that's fun yeah I like doing that with peab she has a lot of emotions she sure does we have one commenter that constantly brings up baby and I I thank them so much it makes me so happy every time it's almost in every one of the comments there's something about PE baby and I'm like God bless you yeah in fact I think when I think on my birthday post for you they said something yeah yeah yeah yeah oh man please enjoy worst parenting moments we have one with peab where is she I mean let's be honest let's be honest we' killed her I mean really I traded her in for a big house that's really bad that's bad parenting that's what that's what happened all right love you love you hard times come and go good times take them slow my life I had them both a one thing you got to know I'mma keep on Shining oh my goodness oh my goodness hello Hi how are you is this Stephanie this is Stephanie oh what a ding ding ding do you have a Tenacious D shirt on I have a tenacious tshirt on a did you listen to the Jack Black episode you bet I did this is gross to admit but I listen to it cuz I'm just a fan of Jack Black and I wanted to hear it and not be inside of it and I loved it I was like that's my favorite Jack Black interview not because of us but just he was so wonderful it was reaffirming how we should all love that man because he's fantastic he is you're right he's worthy of worship where are you at Stephanie I'm in Calgary Alberta Canada wonderful we love our neighbors to the north and your closet looks nice you are being very generous no it's nice it looks um spacious yes thank you that's the word I was looking for and you have some decorations on your arm as well I see I do it's my beginning of my sleeve that I'm so pumped to finally get it's my favorite video game call out to Hemlock tattoo in downtown Calgary they're fantastic Boom Big shout out okay you have a worse parenting story I do and based on my emails with Emma I don't think she gave you my tldr title so I'm G to let this story unfold for you guys in real time great oh okay wait what's tlr DD too long didn't read that's like the blur but we don't want to know we don't like knowing yeah yeah we love not knowing okay so here we go it is spring 2022 we have a 2-year-old boy named tier and I just found out that I'm pregnant with our Second Son sidebar for Monica the father of these children and my husband and partner in crime is my third year structural geology Prof hell yes you are living the life wait structural geology yeah so this is what the building blocks of rock and Earth what does that mean structural geology I wish I could Define it for you better he's in the other room right now and he's probably seething with me failing to Define this for you she wasn't learning she was distracted yeah it was my best attended class worst grade oh I love this for you I'm glad someone's doing this yeah wow I'm just pregnant I'm reading my son some books at night and I'm starting to realize he smells really bad I brush it off and I'm like you know what first trimester hormones what a weird evolutionary trait to think your kid smells bad when you're pregnant right so I go away for a business trip and I come back and my husband's at the table and he's like do you think tear smells bad I'm like oh my gosh yes he does smell bad oh my Lord he's like I think it's his breath oh no wow I like yeah you're right it is his breath and you know we've been brushing his teeth but like maybe we need to step it up we're brushing his teeth and like you know it smells better for a bit and then it comes back I want to remind everyone too who doesn't have kids in the audience I know this is intuitive but at the same time like you've not done it before you don't [ __ ] know it's like your kids starts smelling and there's quite a few days where you're just like is this standard I don't know I've never done this before thank you for making me feel better a friend of ours is a family doctor and we chatting with him one day and I'm like is there a reason why his breath smells so bad and he's like I don't know it's probably halosis go see a dentist that's not tracking right we're looking in his mouth there's no red areas there's nothing that looks gross his teeth are all where they should be and more time passes the smell gets worse the smell gets worse can you tell me what time means time passes are we talking days weeks months we're working on week here and can we get a little more detail about the smell rotting rotting yeah okay rotting death is what it smells like necrotic yeah one day his nose starts dripping and it's not unusual toddler daycare nose drips common it's brown and it smells awful oh wow and so we get them to blow his nose and the smell and it finally lands there's something stuck in his nose oh my God and really quick when he blows his nose is he grossed out he's not phased by this at all he's just living his best life it doesn't even hurt nope and so we call our family doctor and she's like look we don't pull stuff out of kids's noses in the office you've got to go to the children's hospital I didn't want to go because this was 2022 World's opening up kids aren't vaccinated yet and so I don't know if this happened to your children's hospitals but here the weight times were like 14 hours to get seen everybody had flu RSV Co was running through everybody under five and so we had Nanny and Grandpa visiting from Scotland to build on the professor my husband's also from Scotland has a super hot accent too wow I don't know how you stay out of the bedroom so we didn't want to go and bring Co back and make Nanny and Grandpa sick so we went to the Urgent Care Facility thinking it wouldn't be as much of a hot bed doctor there restraining him they're digging it out they're pulling out sections of SP he's got a sponge in his nose what a sponge like a kitchen sponge yeah oh we don't have kitchen sponges at home I use dishcloth so I'm not entirely sure where the sponge came from preschool probably stinky preschool with bacteria you know sponges of course are yeah petri dish and he's pulled out three decent siiz chunks of this sponge oh my was it so rewarding to see that come out it was hard to here cuz they're not sedating him so I have to hold him down and he's freaking out how far up was this well we're not done so he said if the dripping keeps going you got to go to Children's because they have a whole department that pulls stuff out of kids noses okay okay all right a division dripping doesn't stop did the smell get any better no no oh [ __ ] wow we're like week three now we go to Children's the doctor looks them they're like yeah sponges in there but we're going to have to go and surgically remove it because it's too far in can I ask a quick question are they able to see that by visually looking up there with one of those Scopes or did did he get like a CT or something they were using the Scopes he tried pulling a little bit he's like we're not going to torture him anymore we're going to have to take him for surgery okay wow and so they booked Us in but our worst fears came true and he gave everybody in our house Co I'm down 8 weeks pregnant with our second child Co husband's down Co Nanny and Grandpa down damn near kills Nanny oh God boy oh boy oh boy we finally get into surgery the surgeon goes in she pulls out I kid you not at least an inch and a half of rotting sponge oh my Lord he's got like a weird version of paa where instead of eating things he needs to push them up his nose I can't believe it wasn't bothering him he didn't care what a warrior and was the SP all discolored and rotten and gnarly oh please is this the picture we have oh God hopefully it shows oh oh yeah guys if you've ever seen a a skull Bandit like the little pouch of tobacco you would put in and that's what it looks like I don't know that that's a universal enough analogy go to the store buy a pack of Bandits and take a look and that's what it was it's brown as hell it's fully Brown E I wonder what color it started yell I want to smell it isn't that weird even though I know I would hate it no you'd hate it I think you should let a mouse rot in a trap for a little bit in Sun for like several weeks and then I think that gives you a rough idea what that might how bad sponges smell anyway out in the open air yeah thank God he so septic from that that's what I was worried about when we found out that it was the sponge and they scheduled surgery and it was so far out I was just like is it going to grow into his body is going to like spread is he going to become a superhero sponge boy get fused in his DNA in these two I can't really remember what it was like having conversations with a 2-year-old but obviously you're like tier you can't put things in your nose this is why you were in the hospital you're doing that and is he getting it no no would you have to put like a nose muzzle on him when you s preschool I told his preschool that he probably stuck a sponge up his nose and they're like oh we don't have sponges here and then literally two days later the pictures from the preschool he's painting with a sponge my go yeah that makes sense for painting well but even scarier paint up there is really not good in your body yuck that is what we have dubbed sponge gate in this house sponge gate do you think he watched SpongeBob and then wanted to become SpongeBob and thought that was half I think that's likely too see watching a suspicious amount of SpongeBob but it also is a fun thought that if there's no sponges at daycare and there's no sponges at the home he has some portion of his life that's totally anonymous he's like in contact with sponges that no one can figure out totally wow oh wow oh that's a great story it is is that a parenting fail not really you did pretty good you did everything you could do but it took us a month to realize how would you know that's what I felt like his nose is dripping all the time but that kind of level of smell we even asked a family doctor right it was definitely a moment the fact that it took that long cuz if you think about it it only started smelling at that point so how long was it in his nose yeah before it started smelling those sponge painting sponges are particular kind of sponges they're very porous the the pores are huge and they feel good you remember how those feel they're a little waxy or something they're heavier than a kitchen sponge and I now want to put I bet that's a good sensation I really do God no I'll be much more careful I'll tie a string to it before I put it up there so I can pull it out but I do imagine tact that it feels good okay okay well Stephanie that was a great story thank you for having me and I have to say I have been a day one listener this has been amazing to be here thank you for having me and Monica you hear this all the time but you're my husband's Hall Pass oh my God I never hear that and that is so nice I can think of three guys off the top of my head real quick that I've told her that but no one says that they always say Dax is their hall pass but that is very kind no couples have hall passes I've talked about this in the past Kristen and I can't really have hall passes because we are likely to meet the hall pass so a hall pass is a very fun safe experiment cuz you're never really going to meet the person but if the hall pass came true do you think you would be fine with it CU it was labeled a hall pass no oh that's a good question because I hate giving my word and then going back on it right I can tell you're a woman of Integrity I would be torn with that but I know my husband well enough that even if he was presented with that option he would politely bow out and say thank you for the hall pass I'm just going to settle for a picture I pass on the hall pass yeah that's the right thing no one's really supposed to act on their Hall Pass I totally disagree if you're in Missouri and your wife's Hall Pass is Brad Pit and she bumps into him at uh Best Western you should want that for her you're a bad husband if you don't want that for her you should hang your head in shame no you don't have to think like Dax more people win the lottery than get to sleep with pit whatever okay I'm that's probably not true I stand out I concede have such a great day be well you too bye she was so fun she was so fun that was so flattering and her husband's in love with you and he's a professor and he's Irish Scottish Scottish this is all very exciting ew that's awful if my kid started stinking yeah not like poopy smell or body odor smell but rot smell you can't cute your way out of that yeah speaking of you smell like rotten my fingers smell oh hi did you hear that Monica's fingers smell yeah I sure did that's okay I teach kindergarten you can't scare me you're like a first responder a Frontline Soldier yeah you are you're in the thick of it yeah and do you find you're like me where you just have a great tolerance for it all yeah I just kind of go with it I could almost be a nurse I feel like not all the way but almost I don't like the poop but the rest of it sure I understand it's not bad so Amy are we allowed to call you Amy yep you can call me Amy where are you at Amy I'm in Michigan no yes originally from Sterling Heights OH I worked at 14 and John R for years my husband and I have lived in a small town in West Michigan for 16 years and you go to sleeping be Dune sometimes or Silver Lake any of that stuff yep we're actually going camping this weekend oh I'm so jealous I was just telling my wife this she doesn't have it like I do I wake up generally this time of year in the summer and I start break in myself that I haven't gone back to swim in a lake yet this summer it starts driving me insane I can't miss a summer on Earth without swimming in a lake in Michigan and that's where I'm at currently it's the best yeah it's so dreamy okay but you're a bad parent so let's get on that yeah okay so in order to understand how this is a parenting fail you have to understand when it's like living with a 13-year-old girl okay so you know you have that feeling or that voice in your head that will just remind you of something something you did or said 6 months ago that was cringey yeah so it's like living with that down the hall from you and I'm sorry my cat is climbing I didn't wonder I was like what's happening yeah my cat's trying to climb my fort I'm so sorry this could turn into like a realtime story attacked by ably going to be a disaster so anyway I'm constantly trying to like be cool you know and like make my daughter think I'm cool so about a year and a half ago she was about to turn 13 and wanted to get second ear piercing and her first ear piercing was like an event because we did it at the American Girl doll store so it was like special so I thought well let's make this special too we'll do it at a tattoo shop it'll be a whole event that's a write of Passage it's a step so I'm a tattoo girl I love it and I've always heard that's where you should go it's the safest cleanest I also have crippling anxiety about making phone calls so naturally I have to find one that I can schedule online oh that's an interesting hurdle I get it truly my last tattoo my friend Missy shout out Missy she had to call and make the appointment for me I have anxiety talking on the phone too and I think it's probably common can you explain a little bit more in detail is it the small talk of it is it the wrapping it up what is it I think they're going to like ask me questions that I don't know the answer to oh interesting okay that's very specific I appreciate that I'm 42 I should be over this but definitely not it's common I think anyway I go online and and I'm looking at the options and I see that there's a piercer named Christina and I'm thinking okay female my daughter's probably already going to be nervous so this will like help her be calm you know a nice girl girl power whatever so I make the appointment on there and you pay online and I remember thinking like this seems kind of expensive but I also haven't been pierced since 2000 so I pay online I tip online we show up when I'm checking in I say this is my daughter she's getting her ear pierced and the guy is like oh we don't have any record of that and so I start like pulling out my email receipt and he's like that's okay that's okay this guy his next client's not here he can do it it's fine and I'm looking around I'm like I don't see Christina anywhere there's no girl working in this whole place anyway we meet this guy he's very nice pierces her ears fine and then the guy at the front is telling me I have to pay I was like nope I already paid online I tipped online like I'm really good about that and he's like oh yeah yeah that's fine just go you know they're artists I don't expect them to be bookkeepers so right fine so we're driving to Target to get the solution to clean it and the tattoo shop starts calling me and I'm like what in the world is with these people so I answer in my car so my daughter can hear this and the guy says hey are you coming in for your Christina piercing you are late or do you want to reschedule and I was like no my 13-year-old just got pierced and there's like this long pause and I'm like I don't know know what you want me to say like we just left my 13-year-old got her ears pierced it's all good and at the same time my daughter is in the passenger seat Googling Christina piercing and she shows me the search results and it is a very intimate piercing oh and she goes mom you scheduled me for a vagina piercing a cloral piercing no it's actually where the labia majora come together and it like goes I guess she's horrified I'm horrified the guy on the phone is like oh Ma'am you overpaid do you want to come in and get like a refund and I'm like if you think I'm ever stepping foot in this place again I already feel like anxious that like I don't fit in but there's no way I'm going back in there be like yeah I'm the mom that scheduled my kid for a vagina yes what if you would have got there and they would have called Child Protective Services a 13-year-old with mom going like oh this is going to be great right the anxiety is just like going through my head and she's horrified so now anytime I'm scheduling anything like a hair appointment online she's like don't schedule it for a vagina piercing you know I have no credibility and then even today I needed her help with like the technology side of this and it's like embarrassing I'm never going to live it down this whole time I'm assuming and I'm still under the impression you went to the wrong place no we were at the right place but you were just early why wasn't chrisa no Christina is the name of the piercing they call it Christina there is no piercer I got you it's called a Christina piercing and then the bro that did the ears presumably does the Christina yeah wow my daughter loves to tell people that for her 13th birthday I got her a vagina piercing wow wow that's great you have something to talk about at Christmas when she has boyfriend over at 26 for sure yeah it'll be great is it okay if she says hi real quick of course you can bring the cat in get the cat in get your daughter my hi nice to meet you nice to meet you let me see your ear piercing let me see how this turned out after all of that they closed up oh no that might be on you guys did you leave it in long we're not going back there was too much trauma around it you had to get those out anyway whole thing all right well lovely meeting you guys you have fun at the lake all right we will thank you bye bye I'm so jealous of a Christina Well that too but going camping in western Michigan yeah so man is doing that huh well just think up until what 20 years ago every single OB was a man yeah I don't like you know this story that my girlfriend in high school I won't say her name she was in love with her Obie she thought he was very attract ractice her gynecologist or her OB our gynecologist aren't they not the same obstetrician is for babies and then so most obes are also gynecologists but not all gynecologists are obes wonderful learn something today or had a schedule oh I forgot to tell people the reason that my finger smell is cuz I've been touching my foot oh that makes sense that tracks mine could potentially smell because I cut my toenails this morning before I worked out but I have washed my hands since then okay if you cut your toenails will you wash your hands oo good sometimes yes sometimes no no solid no never yeah that's part of your charm well I just don't even think dirty little monster creature they only smell kind of weird because it's so hot out and they've been in CL up your mind are you freezing or are you hot no outside is hot it's hot outside so my feet have been in closed toad shoes all morning so they got a little sweat on them and now I've been touching them and so now they smell let me take a little hit off that and see how bad this is no are you sure yeah let me see no they're pretty bad this will make up for not being able to smell the sponge they're not that bad but you smell it right like um 3% hint you're really getting into it I want to keep smelling it it's too hard to be a person why don't you bring your toes up to your nose and get it direct from The Source no it's more fun when you get on your finger transer it yeah that's what Aon does he farts s his fingertips and then smells his fingertips okay I don't have that with fart like most people wave a fart but he'd like fart and then you go oh my God yeah yeah I don't have that I will say and I know you should why you're halfway there I don't know why some things are like that and some like I don't get you like some things and some things not yeah procedure was called Christina yeah that took me a while I'm still surprised they didn't put two and two together they're probably like baked out of their mind or something bunch of dudes in a tattoo parlor oh my God he was baked Annie was going to give her that sure you can no perform your duties no you can't sure you can no well at least you didn't just like send her in there for the piercing and then she came out I know he and he's like drop your panties oh my God [Music] [Music] hello hey what's going on is this Stephen this is what an artfully appointed room you're in thank you very much yes it's very clean and very symmetrical is it an office it's my home office and these are all Earl Jam concert posters and or original photography from the band is photographer so yeah that's what I use as my office and before I get into that Monica sorry I'm not not in a closet that's okay my wife has a wonderful walk-in closet that I think you would have loved but the Wi-Fi is spotty up here so I figured this was the best solution we prefer the Wi-Fi we have to prioritize Wi-Fi you did the right thing that's I like your chair thank you so much when you're seeing it real time is it more impressive than the photos I've never seen a photo oh okay great you don't follow us on Instagram it's not a very exciting follow you're not missing much maybe I should start yeah you should start you'll see pictures of that chair are you struck with how tin I look in it a little bit yeah right like I'm only taking up about 60% of the actual seat part and then the top is above my head and I'm 6'2 yeah it's a large chair I like to feel small Stephen there you go now even though we have the expert on I don't know how to I guess the word would just be are you anal because there's not a single picture frame that's not perfectly level which I appreciate greatly so I think it's because my wife gets so annoyed with all the stuff I have that's Pearl Jam related that I have to make it look great in order for it to be acceptable that makes a ton of sense I was just going to ask how many times you've seen them Andor Eddie vet 98 wow 98 is there like a message board where you know if you're TP I mean that's got to be record I don't think it is but this summer by the way at Wrigley Field I'm taking one of my kids who are part of the story to number 99 and the other one to 100 oh are you from Seattle from the beer yeah I live in Oakland okay who gets to go to the H hundredth I'd be jealous if I was the other one my 13-year-old it'll be his birthday at 99 so it actually works out perfectly and then my older one will go to 100 and they've been to a bunch of shows I'm dragging them at this point yeah and tread lightly on this question because this happens to me there's things I love and then I'm doing them and I'm like do I still love this oh without a doubt so here's what it comes down to though this is so funny I have this conversation all the time I joined the fan club when I was like 13 or 14 it gives you insane priority I work in sales and so I can travel wherever I want and so the majority of the shows have been because one I can just do it for free right I can expense everything and I've taken so many new people to see the experience that it's now no longer about me it's about watching somebody who gets to be in front row at Madison Square Garden and see Pearl JY for the first time I literally know what song they're going to play when they pick up a Guitar when they like strum and I'm like oh corduroy song six off of this album and so it really has become less about me and more about the experience of seeing it with other people who appreciate but I do love them so much I deeply relate to that for me half of the sand dun's experience now is just sharing it with people who've never been out there and then we've both probably had bad parenting moments and that's where we're at now yes this has been a bad parenting moment for me my wife and I have two boys Luke who's 16 and Kyle who's 13 and so I feel like I just need to give a little bit of context or background before I go into it more so I can justify my actions of course of what happened because I want you to be okay with this one I love my kids the most important things in the world to me two we are very very close and so as a result we do a ton of stuff together they coaches for everything I really enjoy them as people and hanging out so I never really treated them like kids I parent them for sure but we mess around with each other verbally almost like they're one of my friends that plays into this story two is that we travel a ton with them and so they've been all over the European continent Japan Mexico you name it so they're very used to hotel life airbnbs traveling that stuff doesn't phase them now I have a disclaimer real fast the disclaimer is my wife did nothing wrong this is all my fault so this story takes place in Paris is spring break the actual date I lifted up on Instagram March 26 2019 so the boys were 11 and 7 and a half we took a rede obviously cuz on the west coast over to Paris so we get there probably 12:31 we go to the neighborhood St Germain and I rented this really awesome Airbnb perfect it's literally just cafes bars boutiques all up and down the streets the street right in front of where our place is was cut off to cars so it's all walking distance it's all umbrellas above and just exactly what you wanted in that Parisian experience so we check in we go and do all the stuff we went to Luxembourg Gardens we went to Eiffel Tower they obviously didn't sleep well on the planing their little kids they're just watching shows the whole time I'm sure every time I woke up I looked over they're on their iPad we roll around towards dinner time it's the first night of vacation I can't just sit in the Airbnb so I'm like let's go to dinner I'm out on the balcony I'm like look down there look at this look at this and everyone's like I'm super tired don't want to go and I'm like we have to go out it's the first night even if it was the second night I'm like we're going out try to convince them as much as possible kids really digging in their heels so I'm like great what if we just leave you here and Mom and I will go right down there and get some food get a drink and they're like absolutely that's great my wife's like I don't really feel comfortable doing that but she kind of goes along with it okay ah this sounds fine to me so far yeah yeah yeah yeah absolutely so I go down to the street I get them some Crepes and stuff that they're going to love I see a restaurant that was probably three or four blocks down the street that looked really really cool so I put our name in they were like hour and a half I'm like great go back upstairs they are already in their pajamas they are showered up one has an iPad one has my wife's phone and we're like see you later this is going to be awesome we're like hey call us if you need anything text us we stop at a wine bar right underneath the building essentially maybe a half a block away and it's just full of young pans I was 40 at the time but I just love being around like 25y olds like this is awesome we're drinking wine I might as well been smoking a cigarette and wearing a beret at this point just super pumped about everything that's going on within like 25 minutes my oldest son sends me a text and he says when you guys coming back oh my God and I wrote never have a good life so that goes into obviously the sarcasm that we all have right so my wife was like oh was that one of the boys and I said yep that was one of them and she what' you say and I said never have a good life and she was like why on Earth would you write that I was like I don't know I'm just messing around the first thing that came to my head and she's like that's just not what you should have done I'm worried and I'm like listen if our 11-year-old at this point in his life thinks that we raised him for 11 years fed him every single day took him to school did all this stuff and we waiting until go on a trip to Paris to never see this kid ever again got bigger things to worry about so she's like all right whatever you're an idiot and so it did sort of like stick with me for a little bit by the way hold on I gotta pause you all of this is exactly what I'd be doing it's very funny for me to hear my Approach not in the center of it and yes of course that's exactly you make the great joke who's going to teach them to be funny you think they're just going to learn you got to educate them on this right and then your wife says something you kind of convince her everything's groovy and then your wife's voice is just rattling around in your head like I think she might be right that's exactly what had happened and of course I didn't want to admit it to her soever yes so we get up to then go to that restaurant and because she had said something so if she is partly to blame it's because she got in my head and I wrote to him and I said we'll be there soon I can practically see you and I meant like we can practically see you from the apartment building so we go down a couple blocks we decided that we're not going to have full dinner but we were like just going to eat some stuff cuz they had asked about coming back we go and order a bottle of champagne dozen oysters just in full on vacation mode just super stoked at this point it's fully dark it is kind of cold because it's March 26 wearing jacket coats all this stuff we're like three or four oysters in clinking champagne glasses just having the time of our lives and we were outside and I could kind of see somebody coming towards us and it wasn't the waiter and it was some guy when I looked and he was like excuse me more and I was like I won't do any French accent I promise you and it was this French couple 25 years old man and a woman oh my God and when I look closer both of my children are with them oh oh they broke the cardinal rule you cannot leave this place they broke the cardinal rule so my youngest son is wearing like an oversized Frenchman's jacket and my older son is in his pajamas no socks no shoes [ __ ] my older one wasn't crying but my younger one was crying and the man was like are these your parents are this your kids and I'm like oh my God like what are you guys doing here why are you with these strangers you're so irresponsible why would you do this so they run into our arms and we're like all embracing like we you know away from each other for months and I couldn't compute anything but immediately I don't know why I went to trying to make sure that this couple knew that we were somehow responsible parents so I was just like I am so sorry I don't know what's going on but have an oyster take this bottle of champagne can I buy you a car like I didn't know what I was just trying to do anything and they're like no no no it's fine we just wanted to go and find somewhere to eat and we came across these two kids in their pajamas who were lost oh no anyways tried to get them to eat dinner hang out with us they just kind of wanted to go but when he left though it was really cool is he said just so you know you have really great kids and I was like oh that's cool I mean you spent 10 minutes with them like what about him and he said they were friendly and super polite and he said when we couldn't find you guys within a half hour or so the idea was the woman was going to stay with my youngest in front of the apartment building and the other guy was going to stay with my son and they were going to walk around in case we came home they were going to cover each other's bases my older son refused to leave my younger son oh yeah he doesn't want to get kidnapped yeah he's like if you're our parents now French people they're coming in as a pair this is a two for one deal oh that is good kids yeah made me feel super proud so that was the fail obviously on our part so when I found out though why this all happened is that when I said never have a good life he knew it was a joke but it also kind of got into his head which was so unlike him that he was like huh I wonder if someone got a hold of my parents or stole my dad's phone and was like you're never going to see your parents again have a good life yes his imagination took off he heard some noises cuz we were right above this whatever street and then when I said we'll be there soon I can practice practically see you he thought the man who was now either a phone thief or someone who was abducting us was like I can see you we're coming for you oh his imagination really took off yeah so he grabbed his little brother and was just like we're out and so didn't change their clothes didn't grab socks or shoes didn't take the phone just left the apartment left the apartment building and then got downstairs it's a good Instinct now like people will see them get murdered you know you got to get front of some people exactly I do admire where he was coming from but it was all because of what I had texted actually oh my God that's great by the way I can so relate to this because particularly my 11-year-old she's so with it I'm shocked so often with how developed her sense of humor is and how with it she is and then yeah once in a while I'm reminded oh right she is 11 there's some Concepts she doesn't have and it can be misleading when they're really kind of precocious or mature yeah my wife was just like I will kill you this is the worst thing we're never leaving them again so she was super pissed but I will say three days later we're in Amsterdam kids don't want to eat guess what happens I was like we really will see you and they wanted to stay we went out and had a drink the point is it didn't have any like long-term effects the kids weren't freaked out they bounced right back yeah you lost all leverage with your wife for a year did we have a photo though from you yes so I just just wanted to show you guys right when we got there I took a photo so you could just see how crowded it was and like what it looked like on the street so how easily even if you're a block away it was kind of chaos oh well your boys are so [ __ ] cute oh my God Seven great story that's wonderful I'm glad we got to tell you this I'm glad you guys didn't judge me too hard my wife was like are you sure you want to say this I'm like it's not that big of a deal and it was six years ago I could be in this situation in seconds this makes a ton of sense to me I've been listening to you guys only for about a year now so I want to give a shout out to my friend Lauren Stern who has constantly been pushing me to listen and now once I started I'm listening to you guys all the time listening to syns listening on Mondays listening on Fridays I'm Anonymous so yeah it's it's been fun well Lauren must be a genius if she's prizing so thank you Lauren keep at it keep converting people well great meeting you this has been really fun and I love that story and we should co-author a book I'm bad parenting sounds good nice to meet you both all right take care hi oh there you are Hi how are you guys so good is this Danielle yes and you're in your closet I'm actually in my daughter's closet who's this story is about so it worked out very appropriate in what state is this closet located in or country we are in Texas kind of right outside Houston in this precious little small town okay so you made up parenting what we call error error I was not snafu a gaff classic mistake little backstory we have five kiddos wo between the ages of 10 and four wow so we've got a 10-year-old an 8-year-old a six-year-old and then twin four-year-olds my gosh okay whoa the bad parenting moments abound because you know we're just hanging on for deer life yeah anyways so but this story only has two of my kiddos involved so anyone who has more than one kiddo knows they all so unique and they all have their own quirks and personalities and strengths and weaknesses and what you learned parenting the first one does not apply to the second one and so on right you think you figured it out and you're oh no whole new game plan for this one 100% And so our oldest daughter is 8 years old and she is all the oldest daughter stereotypes she colorcoded her closet at like 6 years old and has maintained it she has all the rules down and she is making sure everything runs efficiently she's a rock star but she's very type eight and so our son who is our true middle number three is a wild man he's inherited all of my ADHD quirks and qualities and he's here for the party man and he is having a good time so he's a lot of fun but naturally they butt heads a fair amount and usually my daughter is the aggressor because she needs him to fall in line he's not having it so it's been a lot this summer they've had a lot of togetherness a lot of squabbles power Str struggles yes and the funny thing is he's not acknowledging the power Dynamic at all she is seeing the issue and he is just like I don't understand what the problem is I'm just here so we've talked a lot with her about you know I know you're struggling but we can't talk to him that way or we need to make sure we're treating him with respect and love just like you deserve respect and love but at some point it's like we're beating a dead horse like she's not picking up but we're putting down and so we're just rinse and repeat all summer long and so this was about 3 weeks ago we had been home all day they'd been fighting just kind of off and on throughout the day and it was getting to that witching hour and my husband took three of our kiddos outside to let them play and I was like I'll start cleaning up in here and start setting up for dinner and the two middle ones were upstairs doing their own thing and so I was like I'll just let them be so I'm trying to do my tasks and I just hear from upstairs our daughter starts screaming at my son I can't tell what she's saying but I can tell by the way she's saying it that she means business and she is just letting him have it and so I'm like oh great here we go again and then I hear our son just start this like really sad heartbreaking cry and I'm like oh gosh she probably hit him and now she's yelling at him she probably got physical yeah that's four kids just like taking it so with him I feel like I should say he's two years younger but he's bigger than her he is like almost off the growth chart he was like a 10 lb baby natural six-pack he's a beast yes and she is not she's petite but she's fiery so she holds her own usually anyways we have worked with him since he was really little about you have these big muscles you should use them to help protect and to help people and we can't use them to hurt it's kind of been this ongoing mantra for him like we use our muscles to help and so he's really pretty passive so sister is yelling at him and I'm like oh gosh she's probably hurt him and I'm kind of at this point where I'm like she's not going to stop until he finally defends himself like this thought occurs to me I'm like he's got to stand up for himself so against my better judgment i' just haul her up the stairs hit her back oh boy okay okay so we've now escalated the situation by the way I haven't done it but I'm telling you I have been on the verge of saying that to the older one just take her down let her know you can't come at me like this and again it's all like a split-second decision but my thought process was if he just gets like one good hit in she'll back off she'll realize she can't treat him like that so I yell this up and instantly silence she quits yelling he quits crying and then I hear her take off she's running out of the room down the hallway and she is flying down the stairs and so I'm like uhoh and I can tell he's chasing her so I'm trying to go head them off at the bottom of the stairs and right as she gets to the bottom I hear a thud and then she grabs her head and screams and so I'm like oh no and so I go to her and I'm like okay what happened and she's still screaming she pulls her hands down are now coated in blood like completely coated from the fall down the stairs she was standing oh I also thought that I get her outside and I'm trying to like delicately see the wound but the problem is she's bleeding so much that her hair is now completely matted to her it is Flowing down her all the way to the ground that's scary yes and I've heard head wounds bleed a lot but I knew at this one there was enough blood that I was like we're headed to the hospital probably I finally get a good look at it I sent Emma pictures I don't know if you guys can see it oh let's take a look we've kept it hidden let's see here yeah big big gash on the pdal yeah oh well first of she's so cute there's also a picture of her smiling that's a big one dying to know what object hit that head we head to the ER she's calm at this point and the bleeding has stopped it's been about 10 or 15 minutes I'm mostly just apologizing to her in the car I'm like I'm so sorry violence is never the answer I shouldn't have told him he could hit you and she's getting upset because she sees me upset and so she's like no you didn't do anything so we're just a big sobfest on the way to the hospital but we finally get there and I'm getting the story from her and what I didn't know is that while she was upstairs and she was yelling at him and frustrated with him she had picked up their white noise sound machine which is roughly the size of a handball shaped like a hockey puck okay so she is holding this over her head yelling at him screaming at him threatening to throw it at him so as soon as I told him he could hit her back she dropped it and took off he in his pursuit of her picked it up and ran after her and managed to hit her from the top of the stairs on the landing she had made it all the way to the bottom before he made oh he threw it he chunked it okay God you almost Chu that thing thinking you're not going to hit the person having a brother and having thrown many things at my brother I'm like chucking it at him hoping he never [ __ ] with me again and I don't really think it's going to hit him and then of course sometimes it hits him oh I don't think he could have like if he tried to hit in the head if you want yeah like he just threw it cuz he was mad and it happened to totally clocker in the head or he's a future quarterback we're still deciding right but yeah so it ended up she needed five Staples she's so hardcore she sat there and did not make a pee she didn't move while the doctor gave her like three different numbing shots and did all the Staples anyways we've had a lot of good conversations since then about like appropriate ways to deal with our anger oh man I think it's kind of comforting for them them to see their parents [ __ ] up too and then own it and go like oh yeah yeah there's no Perfection we keep [ __ ] up and we just own it we apologize and we prepare and we move on 100% I feel like I'm constantly like I should have done that differently I'm sorry they'll unpack it all in therapy one day but at least you know I'm modeling repentance I guess yes that's all you can do again this photo of her is so cute with her little smile oh my God what's her name doy doy perfect ad you know it's hard when you have your [ __ ] together and your little brother doesn't have their [ __ ] together here we go older sister it can make you crazy did you ever Chuck anything at por Neal I didn't ever get physical but I was mean with my words very very mean daing but sorry that's the thing she gets stitches and she doesn't need any holding and she's fine so she's kind of like looking at everyone else like come on Step It Up meet me here right you know I can relate I get her I should have known I'm the youngest of four and had a sister that totally tormented me all growing up and there was one instance where my Dad held her back and let me take a swing and I just completely cold clocked her in the face as like six runs in the family it's a ride of Passage well Danielle that was a great story thank you so much thank you so much hey real quick I have listened to you guys for thousands of hours and the only person I know is obsessed with you guys is my my Aaron weekly my nurse best friend and she's here can she meet you guys of course please what's her name Murray Murray mie mie hi Marie how are you we love nurses is that clear yes I love it don't worry no Munch houss right and anything you want to say about my vascularity it's impressive and honestly I love veins my husband hates this about me cuz I'll just be sitting next to him like rubbing his veins he's like stop I'm like but they're so good I know I love what a kink all nurses have for veins I think it's so funny we can't help it you know oh well it's so nice meeting both of you we're delighted you're listening the only thing I listen to really good we're trying to keep it coming fast and hot so you can't wander astray all right ladies well nice meeting both of you thanks for telling us that story Danielle of course thank you guys all right take care wow well those were fun do you think it'll make people not want to have kids or have kids does it makes a fun everyone's been a kid so everyone can relate to some extent I think they're just good stories do you think anyone hasn't been a kid in the simulation yeah I mean there's been some glitches but they haven't released those to the Pu okay love you love you do you want to sing a tune or something we have a theme song oh okay great we don't have a song for this new show so here I go go go we're going to ask some random questions and with the help of arm Cherry's booket some suggestion on the fly rhyme dish on the Fly rhy dish enjoy