Julianne Hough | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

welcome welcome welcome to armchair expert this is Dak Shepard and I'm joined by Lily padman you know what's funny is we had a meeting and we had a meeting with some people and they thought our catchphrase was hello hello hello which was so fun it was on a deck it was on a deck and it it I wondered I was like oh my God how long are we going to go before he has to correct this well I didn't want it to get too far down the path I know you were I could feel it though it needed to be cleared up immediately and by the way this easiest mistake cuz if like you listen to the show and you're like yeah and then he says something three times of course it's hello hello it makes sense hello hello hello is hard to do hello h Hello what I'm gonna try it for real okay all right hello hello hello no that's okay one more hello hello hello welcome to armchair X work good but it's it's a lot of there's a lot of like bre hello hello yeah yeah if I if I had an welcome welcome welcome is very uh consent word Continental it's like my Lincoln Continental okay okay Julianne Huff you ever heard of her I have I have she's an actor and entrepreneur and Emmy award-winning choreographer to watch her dance is really it is it's really energizing yeah and she has a wild backstory she really does almost like an Olympic Athlete M very similar um she of course was in performance Foot Loose safe hay Rock of Ages Dancing with the Stars I mean and then burlesque which we talk about uh she has a new book out tomorrow called everything we never knew check that out it's out tomorrow hello hello hello please enjoy Julian [Music] Huff he's an hello welcome how are you good this is I want to say it's potentially a first where all three of us are in shorts Oh short shorts can you remember a time that is probably a first it's summer time La that's I very rarely wear shorts you're right in my place of work well you're doing all this construction is that part of it yeah I was out there swinging a hammer you don't wear oh no you do wear tank tops a lot either but you do wear tank tops but you don't wear this kind of tank top which is like a fashion top a classy yeah a formal a whole new look I feel special like new wardrobe in my formal tank top you know what this is really a signal of our the Comfort the Comfort Comfort level this is our last interview before we take a little vacation amazing and I'm feeling very summer vacation too are you going anywhere fun I actually just came from Spain I dropped my my mom off on like a spiritual retreat in the south of France she did a Kundalini Mary Magdalene Retreat tell us more about that there's a lot okay that's a lot I'll get into that in a second but the Spain thing I just went cuz my mom was too scared to travel by herself and I was like you're not sabotaging this for yourself mom I'll fly with you oh that's nice I'll drop you off and I'll fly back and it was an excuse for me to go on a vacation and you went by yourself to SP I did oh my God what cities did you go to I went to Madrid and then I went to Aba and I always preface it with the non-party side I went to the north have you been to the party side I haven't no me either I have no desire to go there no Pho none zero burning man you've been to that I haven't been to Burning Man either and any fear of missing out on it no okay no we're similar I really don't have that desire but I think if you go with the right people it's one thing I'm like I don't want to feel trapped with everybody on drugs that's going to scare me I'm actually shocked you haven't gone as guests of sha and Nina cuz they love it they love the part presumably they've also been to AA I don't knowwhere yeah they do we have so many overlapping yeah so many nah and Sean obviously who else Cameron Brit Dean je whole crew oh Jed Jen yeah the best and also I have some fun cute stories about Kristen oh you do from Burlesque days burlesque but even before burlesque she was the nicest person to me in Hollywood when I first moved out here first of all the least shocking thing I've ever heard in my life but second I want to know the details details are I think I had just turned 18 and I moved to LA and I hadn't been on Dancing With the Stars yet so I was hustling I was working Central Casting I was going on auditions I was living with six model roommates they would wake up at like 300 p.m. and have Sour Patch Kids for breakfast and yeah and have like you know $112,000 checks coming in the mail and I'm like busting my ass every day but I remember my model roommate who I just looked up to so much she always wore sundresses and UGGs and it was like she was fashion it was like a thing her signature look and so I got invited by this manager who I can't even remember his name now and he was like there's this us hot Hollywood party do you want to come I was like great so I wore her uggs and her sundress I'm 5' three and she's like 6'1 and curled my hair as tight as possible cuz I also am from Utah and that big curly hair is a thing and so I got to the event and everybody's decked out I think it was actually Veronica Mars it was like for her show and she was being honored or something that night car elect's dancing on the dance floor first Glimpse said all of it totally I mean this was 2006 there was no social media or anything so my eyes were like and this manager was walking me around and then he just was like here I'll be right back so I was just standing there for probably 45 minutes no just like waiting for this guy to come back did the Uggs fit right were they too big they were way too big the dress was like I was swimming in it and then all of a sudden here hey are you okay what do you want to come sit with us no nice girl from the ceria yeah and so I turned around and I sat down with her and she just was like talking she's like you need to not trust this guy this manager the fact that he left you here is not okay cut two 2010 we're doing verles together and I told her that story did you dump the manager or oh immediately oh wow says something you must listen you do and I'm a very impressionable person so I was like I should probably listen oh no are you not anymore I used to be okay so I want to rewind before that moment but also I just want to spend this well really quick I was just with my mom we were at the Jazz Festival we're having a very mother to son bonding moment and she says you know daxer the thing I'm proudest of you it's not any of these things you've accomplished or any money you've made anytime I meet someone that's worked with you they take so much time to tell me how nice you are and I said well you're one of the few people in the world that knows exactly what it's like then to be married to Kristen Bell which is every single place I go someone pulls me aside to tell me a story just like that that's awesome it's aspirational okay you start off in Utah though yes of course as you must already be prepared I'm going to be very interested in that get in there yeah 45 minutes from Salt Lake is yeah I kind of bopped around Salt Lake a little bit it was Sandy Utah then down to Provo and then my dad moved up to Park City have they come from other states Idaho Idaho Utah Colorado that's the very Mormon hemisphere the Mormon belt whatever we call that exactly the Mormon belt bring them young country exactly what did they do for a living I mean I vaguely know what your father did my dad was the president of a company called neutral for 25 years vitamins dietary supplements but he also was like into politics president of the Republican in chairman in Utah mhm and that was I mean when I was a baby so I don't remember that era and then he actually was getting back into it I think in the last couple years cool time to reenter which yeah that was like what do we do what do we do it's bad enough how inundated we are with politics but now we're going to a family member pursuing exactly yeah but when I read that he was the chairperson of the Republican Committee in Utah I thought is that a job or that's a volunteer situation I think it was volunteer so he did well clearly if he was at this other company yeah he did well and the church was number one for him so service to God service to Mormonism and the church then he had this job and then he was really into politics so he volunteered there his work was definitely his life for sure and was Mom raised Mormon mom was raised Mormon as well Dad was raised or found raised yeah they were both raised Mormon so multigenerational you have your older brother and then I have three older sisters oh wow what's the age gaps of all these folks oldest sister's 11 years older than me and then 9 years 6 years my brother brother's 3 years older and then I'm the baby so the oldest sister's like an aunt almost I actually thought that I had two moms and that everybody did until I was about six my mom she was a beautiful housewife stay-at-home mom did the whole thing very to the book with what you're supposed to do in the Mormon culture but she was sick when she was pregnant with me and she had a lot of her own mental health issues and so my oldest sister took care of me a lot the transition into peers is interesting have you made that leap so interesting enough I actually left home when I was nine I know and I to live with a Russian family yes so let's say I know and then to London so we'll obviously get there but my experience as like a kid from zero to 9 I just wanted to be like my sisters my oldest sister was very much my mother figure my dad when he would be home I was the baby so he definitely gave me I think more attention than my other siblings and then my brother he was right above me and so I wanted to be like one of the boys and hang out with him my deepest wound is belonging so I just wanted to be a part of so much all these older people yes and I think because my mom was always sick I was by myself a lot and so to be able to be with my older sisters and everything that was definitely what I wanted yeah you know what's sweet is you're telling all this it reminds me of one time we had a therapist on Gabor Gabor M I love oh my gosh he was asking Monica to say some stuff and then at one point he said to her do you know your smiling while you tell me all this stuff yeah or was like why are you laughing and it was really funny like this profound moment and I just already such a nice smile about this delivery this I can tell this is going to get so deep so fast and it's all going to be delivered with a smile with just a little like twinkle in the eye you know just like the slow fill up my God we're all so funny I love it welcome I you this is great yeah you're like my mom was had a lot of mental health things and I just wanted to be like it's like yeah I guess was around a lot well is this going to connect to Mary Magdalene EXA or whatever it all comes around it does okay so you're a little girl and when do you start dancing I mean coming out of the womb hold on I have one quick question your brother's obviously I known very little about him other than he's a highly successful dancer and choreographer I'm assuming the worst if I'm patriarch in the Mormon church and I'm a CEO of a company and my son wants to be a dancer did that go okay was Dad supportive of that it did so my dad is the most adventurous goofy playful young kid at heart and then there's this rub there's always this contrast and I think there's the pressure and then there's the soul almost maybe the relief of the pressure yeah and so my whole family on my mom's side on my dad's side they were dancers my grandparents both danced on both sides W oh yes I did read that all four of them my dad wanted to meet girls was in college and so went on to the Ballroom team and that's where he met my mom wow oh so he danced and they met through dancing oh then I totally on the wrong base it's interesting too actually Mormon culture and kids and stuff like that they're very into the Arts I think my brother got a lot of bullying from other kids in school right but we never experienced that in our family okay so your brother's dancing presumably first and the older sisters all dance so you're going to dance period yeah so my oldest sister was a ballet dancer we followed in her footsteps we were all dancing singing and I don't know what my first class was because my mom had the big red van all the kids piled in and we would just go to lesson after lesson after lesson and I was too young to be in any of them but I would watch and so I was very Visual and I'd learn everything before I was ever even able to take the classes Center Stage was the dance studio that kind of took us in as our home it's very much that movie too oh really love that movie there a movie called Center Stage oh yeah dance iconic cult classic is it vaguely based on that or there's many of those no it was very New York ballet this was an Norm it was our home it was where we learned how to dance this is controversial as well but being in Utah there was only people that looked like me and so the first black man that I ever saw was our dance teacher he was a hip-hop teacher and he was a ballroom dancer and me and my brother were like oh my gosh like this guy completely and obviously that also says a lot too putting him on a pedestal as well because he was so different Rick Robinson is his name name Slick Rick Slick Rick beauti it's the only nickname to have when you're named Rick he honestly was such an influential person in our lives and we lived there basically at that studio and then we used to have these Dance World Champions come in and teach maybe three or four times a year and that was quirky and Shirley Ballas they live in London and that's how we got connected okay so they would visit they also had a son J Mark Mark I've known Mark and the balles since I was like eight and how frequently are you going to church and does some of this Dance Training get you out of some of the church you would have to go to no church was every Sunday 3 hours long and then there were family home evening on Mondays and then there were special activities for the Youth but those were during the week and yes we would we would have dance miss them for dance Family Home Evening it's actually a great concept I love it it it's just every Monday night it's game nights with the family that's so great there's so many of these amazing religious Traditions that are so worth defending it's really just when humans and men end up having power that it gets dicey and then they're interpreting things and everyone you know whatever yeah calling for other people not okay I want to preface all this by saying have many Mormon friends have many Mormon listeners love it but we also have friends who left the church and I just know for myself personally I only had to go on the weekends when I was with my grandparents and I could barely get through it it's also like silent you go to church in the South and people are singing and clapping and L amens amen I'm an eny like that feels am in Mormon church or LDS I should say be more respectful it is quiet there's no clapping but then you just hear the babies crying and it's like wait just a lot there's lots of kids and men and women girls and boys are separated yeah after the first hour I've been out of it for a while so I don't want to represent anything this is just your experience this is my experience yeah but I think they've changed it now I think it's only two hours now and I think it's much more mixed did you take it all Lock Stock were you at all like we do a lot of stuff in this world or were you just completely unaware of it because you're so young it is what it was I didn't know any different I loved the social aspect that was kind of how I was known as a kid going into church and going and sitting on everybody's lap and giving everybody hugs at like three oh my God you were prob that little the greeter clearly I'm smiling as I'm saying that too but definitely that's my nurturing attribute is I just want to make sure everybody's good and for perfectionism too well by the way that's very much ingrained in the religion that's a part that seems oppressive and it's on everyone's shoulders but it does seem a little overweighted on the women's shoulders I feel like the women are really supposed to present well it's like be perfect but also you don't have a say you need to follow the rules and Obey and do everything that you can to make sure that your family is the best and most perfect so that you can serve God and your husband because he's the one in charge of providing what's the term yeah deep exhale I know there's a term for it Tad wife no no no no no there's a term for the dad in the house they were using it a bunch in under the banner not in the book but in the show the priesthood priesthood yes the dad goes by a priesthood in oh gosh I'm going to botch this because again and I don't want to put you in a position where you feel like you're no no but offending anyone part of what it is it's like the men hold the priesthood which is something I think they get ordained to do yeah they're kind of like the priest of their houses their house and then men in the church are the ones that are able to have the direct communication and talk to God have you seen this trend on Instagram of these women they're usually wearing lingerie of some sort and they look gorgeous they're perfect looking and then their kid asked for a peanut butter and jelly and then they make the peanut butter and jelly from scratch do you know about this no okay it's like this whole sincere or this is a performative at first you watch it and you think it's fake and it's real but a lot of these women are in the Mormon church and it's sort of a way to lure people into this lore isn't great but how do I say this show the appeal of it they make the peanut butter from peanuts like you see the whole thing I'd like to go there do they do a gluten-free bread ever they make the bread from scratch so if they know how to make it gluten-free probably let's go it's really interesting I want to see that will you forward me then I will okay so mom and dad are married till 9 at 10: they get divorced yeah like 9 10 correct me if I'm wrong this is very unconventional yeah my mom had an affair she was told she should have her head chopped off it was pretty aggressive that she was never going to be with her family again it was very hard for my mother and already having the previous 10 years of my life with my mom she struggled with certain things to then have that and then have the loss of the family it was many many many years of my mom suffering it's lucky she's alive it is and just the depression of feeling like she ruined her family and you know she's bad she's bad and she's an adulteress she was probably treating whatever mental health issu she was struggling with it was truly connection and loneliness my dad was working and look obviously with all the work we do we don't blame we see we have an understanding there's always a why but it's everybody's experience and so that was my mom's so that was my dad's and is that one of the only ways out I'd imagine like a clean out you can get a divorce if your wife cheated on you probably I mean you can get a divorce it's just more of the image and the looking down on and the shame and the guilt that you're going to receive which that can be way more toxic to feel those things than actually have like a you're not allowed to okay so they got divorced and now your life takes a really interesting and unique turn you'll be one of the only people we've interviewed with this story so you've met this family that comes into town to teach and I didn't know about the Russian family so what happens first so the Russian family was first I was dancing with somebody else and they spotted me and I went and lived in Florida for 3 months I didn't go to school and you were nine guys this is so weird hold on a second hold on a second we have a perfect opportunity right now because Delta's nine you imagine us going like okay Delta have fun I kind of can weird a little bit were you like kind of precocious I had an ex factor I had like a sensuality about me as a kid just independent I knew what I wanted I was very direct and on it it's funny I don't know what I want now but I did then you know what I mean or more so and so I just was very clear and direct I want this I want this and I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that and I was just an achiever well I was going to say it makes sense that when you were younger it was very clear to you because these were all things that ultimately would Garner great approval from all the people you wanted to know you were a good girl and as you get older you're like whose approval am I going at after oh I'm like is this really only an hour and a half I'm like do we have eight hours this could be as long as you need it to be yeah it becomes an interesting question once you remove that part of the motivation totally well and also with all my sisters that's all what their dreams were was that ever really my dream or was it theirs and did I live into theirs and achieve everything that they wanted and wanted to be their peer and you achieve this thing and then even that's misguided cuz actually it's harder to like you if you achieve the dream yeah no sh ironically the outcome is not even what you think it's going to be exactly you needing to be a good girl obviously as you're saying the perfectionism is built into that world but also was it because your mom was sick were you feeling like you good enough that Mom would be happy yeah cuz like Mom was struggling and I was the baby in the family so I was at home a lot and so if I could make Mom happy or make sure she feels better I've been in survival since I was three not that I'm special and unique most people have a story like that in the sense that we are all surviving and then we have to relearn and delayer all of that sounds like you've been to the Hoffman in I actually haven't this is great I'm ascribing all these things that our mutual friends do but you don't do them I kind of like it you're kind of punk rock punk rock no I do other things for sure we discover them yeah we will but back to Delta so yes I could see being misled by Delta's friendliness you can drop her anywhere within an hour she's in love with someone crying that we're leaving so I could be like yeah she'll go down to Florida be fine but at the same time and no nine so you went to Florida what was that like and were you fully by yourself fully by myself I lived with the Russian family they also would come to the studio and train and you five times yeah a few times yeah pretty much and they said just come with us I went there I danced with their son he was 12 I was nine and then they had a three-year-old and so they were at work all day the son was at school and I took care of a three-year-old you were an opair pretty much a 9-year-old op so and I remember the first night coming from Utah as a we went to the pool in the apartment complex and all of them got naked cuz they're Russian I mean I don't know but they all just got naked and jumped in the pool like it was nothing and that was the first time other than my mom or my sisters I'd seen a male you saw the patriarch the Russian Patriot the Russian bear I don't think this is cuz of Russian I think just like well even just the ballroom World culture is very dancer world is also very open so that was that experience I was very shocked at the beginning were you scared for sure but again I was like I have this opportunity and I need to do it great that happened for 3 months the training do you have a nickname I have a lot is there one you would allow me to call you I don't know cuz your name is very long Jules is probably the most common okay great juu you have to a little more I could sense that yeah it didn't go well but I was just thinking for the ease of conversing your name is so formal to me that's my own hang up you know what's funny actually about that Julianne was always my name growing up and then I changed it to jewels my Instagram is Jewels cuz I was like I need to not be so formal right yeah in the last couple years I'm like I like Julianne I kind of want julan again I'll STI with jul I don't know that's your name yeah it's okay yeah but you can call me Jules no I'm going to call you Julian I just guilted you into calling me Julian yeah when I imagine being nine and being stuck in a stranger's house raising a three-year-old I'm trying to think what coping mechanisms would pop up and I feel like disassociating would be like th% yeah would you kind of just be like watching your body move through this environment but being off in some other yes but dance was my superpower it was the thing that I could connect my body to and how many hours a day 5:00 I would get picked up and then I would train until like 9 or 10 so then you were in your happy place and then you just had to get through that next day was the goal for you and the sun to be dance Partners yeah and we were that was only like 3 months it wasn't like a big stint and then I came back we skipped over a lot you asked your parents can I go and they were like I'm still trying to figure out how this happen I ended up yeah they were just like I guess a St novel for three months I guess so my parents were going through a lot they were divorcing did dad keep the house or did Mom they got rid of the house we ended up getting two apartment complexes next door to each other across the hall I lived with my mom and my sister Catherine and then my dad and my brother and my sister marab Beth lived together and then my oldest sister was married already okay so they were going through lot so they were kind of like yeah get out of here I don't think it was that I think I was very passionate and I wanted those kinds of things and they were going through a lot so maybe this is a good opportunity for us to deal with our well if I'm them I'm like that'd be a great distraction I have lots of stuff going on in my life right now and I don't have kids and I'm like how on Earth do people do this yeah yeah it's a lot and like you're responsible for so many different people I want that eventually but I'm like man that's a lot you have to subtract other things in your life so that you can be present and they just didn't have that space so you go home how long are you home before the next I moved to Vegas with my mom for a few months got kicked out my dad her or you and Mom got booted from a residence no no no by my mom and my stepdad I went and lived with my dad for a little bit Yeah that's the whole yeah if I drank and you drank one time we'd be drinking and I'd hear that story yeah Brit says we're going to get wine soon and so I'll get to hear it for sure for sure and then you need five more days there so Mom married the guy she had an affair with yeah okay so I then lived with my dad for a little while and then my brother actually went to London first and he was there for 3 months beforehand and he was dancing with a girl out there and then living with the balles best friends with Mark and then Mark dance partner got too tall for him and my brother was like well why don't you dance with my sister this is such a fascinating world that the parents they have kids living at their house so the kid can have a dance partner like I know it's very interesting totally foreign world to me and are you pumped for that so much so cuz you're going to be with there cuz if you were in Florida with your brother it would have been a totally different experience maybe yeah it was only supposed to be for 3 months we were going to go until the big competition in Blackpool which was like March and I went in January it was supposed to be 3 months and we were supposed to go home home and I ended up staying for 5 years wao 5 years mhm oh my God in London in London how frequently were you coming back to Utah to see your family three times a year so we would come spring break the summer break and then winter break I'm almost shocked you don't have an English accent I did at that age you would pick it up so quick were you going to school there yeah I went to performing art school there so fake school yeah oh no we literally learned nothing I hope not it was a full vocational I mean honestly too it was kind of brilliant because we would train all night when we would get home from school and compete on the weekends and then come into school and be exhausted I would have fake tan up to my face and then like red nails and the first half of the day was all the academics and so I would just sleep everybody would just do my homework for me and like by the time lunch time came I was awake and I did all the singing and dancing and Performing and track the joy for me out of 10 we'll say 10 is full Elation doing this when it started you loved it does it stay do you love when does it change 10 to 15 are super influential years puberty happens and then working so hard I had a scholarship to be at my school my parents didn't make a lot of money my dad was successful but through the divorce he also had lots of stuff he had to sell his stock and then lost all of his money in the company that he had worked so hard for there was all sorts of stuff I got a dress sponsor that was kind of strange I would go and dance for that person there's a lot of there's few people in this not face I don't like the guy that got naked in front of a 9-year-old girl that wasn't his daughter yes that's really bad it's not ideal I know we blew P but I do have to grant them like Germans are naked in the park so I don't want to assume it could be a cultural thing I was in Spain just recently I was like free the nips there's just a cultural thing everyone shirt off have you been to a German park that's the most amazing thing in the middle of a city and they'll be a whole family they naked dick balls the whole night yeah Grandma's [Music] nude stay tuned for more armchair expert if you [Music] dare okay so the enjoyment level obviously I was so excited to go I wanted to be the best and I was competing and I went from being talented but not refined to being the best I was the youngest and only American to win everything that I did I loved winning yeah it was like it was everything you're dedicated your entire life and your social life and your family life you better win cuz that's what all this is about completely and if I didn't then repercussions and some self flagellation and hatred it's funny not so much even internally it was external if I didn't do the best then I definitely heard about it from your parents or from from the coachings oh got it that was their job so yeah you're not going to comment on this because you have relationships but I also imagine if your coaches are your partner's parents I imagine you're going to get more notes than the kid and they're taking care of you yeah yeah you don't have to say anything about that but I can just see that that's kind of a dicey you want neutral it's all very complicated they were like my parents and I went from having one set of parents who were very specific in one way to a whole set of other parents that were very specific in another way and complete opposites and so it was very confusing from 10 to 15 I changed my personality I was that little nurture greeter to super dark do not speak just get on with it really yeah and then of course you're going through puberty and hormonal and what am I supposed to do what am I allowed to do you know who am I and so at 15 that was when I decided I need to go home I think I want to be more like my family but I am taking on all of the attributes of this family interesting and I knew I wanted to do more now I also have this stereotype of dancers in general so I'm trying to parse out what is the culture shock of England what is the culture shock of the bases being your parents but also the dancing gets so regimented and so militaristic there's so much pain you're performing through when you're in it you don't know that right but it does seem to have this kind of ubiquitous effect on dancers where they do get more and more serious and more kind of what you're describing towards the end well and also obsession with perfection well disciplined perfect as a kid more murch it just adds to that the discipline of a dancer we're athletes but we're also artistic athletes and so you have to subjetive and objective yes exactly and so then you're just trying to like do the best you can and the obsession with perfection is wild I mean we sit in front of a mirror and perfect our body that is literally a dancer's life and then you get other people judging body dancing ability magnetism all the different things so if you can win then you're good enough I guess oh with the wink so you pulled the plug which by the way let me tell you the culture shock really cuz I know we're getting heavy but the funny part was I was so sad when I went to London and I was disappointed that there were not H drawn carrots and people in like big dresses and exactly that's what I thought London was elizabe London I was like wait people are just normal here and have cars I'm so sad they're just more emotionally repressed than even us in Utah which is saying a lot oh man so when you got home then what was that transition like it's crazy you're not like in schizophrenic like I do a lot of work to not be wait really quick before we leave England did you have a boyfriend ever in England no no time friends my best friend on the planet she's still my best friend to today we were actually too young to be at our school we were both 10 and so we had to repeat the first year her name is ma oh perfect well she was like my name's mold and I was like M and she's like no M and I was like M and she's like no mod and so I still to this day call her M she's my bestie were you ever running around London with her did you have fun oh God damn it Julian she also a dancer dancer singer actor so she ended up being on Vikings for a long time I thought you were about to say Viking in she end up being on Viking I thought you about say she ended up being mod app I know right can you imagine but yeah she was on Vikings she was an actress and then she ended up leaving the business and she's a Theta healer meditation teacher yoga instructor dealing with this same experience exactly when you go back to Utah do you ever go to a public school yes so I went to Park City High School which was horrific it was also the rich kids in Park City and it was an experience for sure I was kind of now the Exotic one because I had left England and I had a short Pixy cut hair do my whole existence from 10 to 15 was overtly sexualized like I just had this exuberance about me and it was before me and girls came out and I remember I ate lunch in the bathroom I got invited to parties that were abandoned houses I went on a choir trip and came back and there was a rumor that I gave everybody blow jobs the guys that I thought were my friends would be like hey do you want to go out into the parking lot I'm like wait what I'm so conf and I was the biggest prude because I didn't do anything no social life at all no I exuded that but I had never done anything it was very confusing yeah we've actually had a few guests that have had this trajectory and then so it's really fascinating to see what the result is the two generic paradigms I would suggest is there are these kids who were in The Disney World and their sexuality was very much oppressed and when they break free they get overtly sexual and then like Natalie Portman who was very early sexualized and objectified she then reclaimed it by going the other way and even now we'll say in the interview I almost regret what a flipflop yes like I'm actually now learning to be sexual again as an adult without any of the baggage completely so over sexualized on stage in public and then your reaction was to be very prude if we can use do we use that word I don't know I mean it's hard to keep up with the list you weren't sexual shaming yeah so when you were on stage during that 10 to 15 time and it was very sexualized did you feel body toal freedance no it wasn't conscious it was just Freedom it's how I moved my body having a partner was a little different you had to connect but obviously I was super safe that was my dance partner I can understand you not getting aroused during that but man how's Mark handling he being professional well I'm just impressed can I tip my hat if he's being professional he like tons of romantic dancing over and over again as a teenager we are teenagers yeah yeah well that world is just interesting too it's all political it's like other dance Partners would sleep with that partner so that they could dance together and this person would like go sleep with this judge very very risque oh my Lord I know it's a whole world okay it's a follow-up question on Monica's it also reminds me of Pamela Anderson a lot of trauma shut down her sexuality but then when got invited out to LA and started doing photo shoots clicked into a character in could own it while she was in that character and enjoy it when you were in that zone could you be present in it and enjoy it and then just click out of it like is it good to feel your powers 100% when I'm thinking about now like when I came out to LA and got on to Dancing with the Stars a little dissociative I didn't even know what was happening I just did it's so funny my first dance partner was Apollo Ono and everybody was like oh my gosh are they dating I was like never even thought about it right wow but I bet Apollo did I don't think so stop putting this on these men they're being professional I know you can't relate I cannot relate I just simply can't relate oh my God okay so high school was a was a Beatdown yeah it was moved back to Vegas went to school there got kicked out again did mom stay with the gentleman yeah still so I like that yeah I got to kind of applaud that that's generally not the trajectory okay so you went to Vegas yeah you did some more training in Vegas as well right yeah so I went to a charter school also didn't learn anything and did that for a little bit and I was a theater major there so I was like really wanting to act and I was like I don't want to dance anymore so I quit I taught and I would earn money and I would save money and like I knew I was going to go to La and I wanted to act and sing right cuz I had a friend who was on this trajectory to some degree back in Michigan and boy if you think the options are narrow for an actor for a dancer they're so narrow to make a living was any of that on your mind I feel almost a little grateful for my ignorance because I just always knew I would figure it out I never thought oh you can't have a career as a dancer I knew if I stayed in London my life would only be ballroom dancing and I knew I didn't want that but again going back to that whole is this really even my dream my third sister wanted to be an actress she was obsessed with Goldie hon she was like the comedian in our family she wanted to be that my second sister wanted to be a country music star my third sister wanted to be a Broadway you wanted to write a thriller cuz then this started to seem calculated so I went to LA I was on dance with the stars I had a country career I've been on Broadway I've done movies I just kind of did all their dream all their dreams when I did country music I did it because my sister wanted it I've been a performer my whole life but I haven't been an artist only in the last few years I've had to find that Artistry because I've just been a performer and I'm a great performer I can whip it out anywhere and anything I try I can pretty much do to a degree and get away with it but it's all outward I think you and Kristen would have a very great conversation thinking that but I don't know if that's nice I mean not nice but I don't know if we should say that no I think she would say like she I love that I'm a performer too it's so rare to be like you to I call my wife acting AI if you direct her it's impossible she does the exact same movement so continu is perfect so you can cut between any angle you ever got of her she's passable every take and yeah there's a level of professionalism and perfectionism that she has that is very rare and it's amazing for other people to work with because we nail it every time yes so dependable when I had days of directing where I knew she was in all day long I'm like well this will be an easy day totally you can throw anything at her but I think yes she's I assume like you she's listening to someone sing and she's like can I do that so it's a lot of mimicry it's a very specific thing and I think as she got into her career like oh well what do I want to do what story am I trying to tell all these things I think she'll be fine with that we'll see see guys I just had this like revelation of my favorite movies the other day somebody asked me and I was like what are my favorite movies and then I was like this is telling what are they you ready yeah yeah Memoirs of AAA oh wow The Green Mile Tina Turner What's Love Got to Do With It incarceration is a theme right now and like being the perfect thing it's not pretty woman like everybody else I don't know it's telling yeah and mine too are like naughty boys trying to get away with something or all the movies that I was in was always a girl running away at the beginning of the movie or on a train on a bike on a bus like trying to escape so you make it through high school do you graduate I do graduate not sure how I want to take two minutes to talk about I know that your brother's such a huge part of your store or at least from the outside it would appear so is he the closest thing you have to stability and safety definitely but what was interesting about our time in London is we had very different experiences we both kind of knew but didn't talk about it sweep everything under the rug everybody's just fine let's just keep going kind of mentality yes and so I came to La first and was on dance with the stars and then Derek came the second season that I was on and Mark as well also we glazed over but Mark and Derek and Julianne had a group called TB 1G 2b1 you can figure that out be I don't want to think about it two boys one girl oh wow wow that was before two girls one cup it do it does a little bit hearken unfortunately oh god oh also one thing I had to bring up that I totally missed is when you were 13 you were in Harry Potter and the philosopher stone I have to say that for Monica I was 11 was 11 M so you're having a complicated time there but are you so pumped to end up in Terence pner that was also a beautiful Escape our whole school got the job because they needed extras from stage schools I was Gryffindor by the way hell yeah obviously Derrick was Ravenclaw Mark was Hufflepuff it was amazing I definitely stole a scarf and got caught are you a Gryffindor in real life yes I read all the books in real life yeah in real life I read all the books I was so obsessed when this happened I was like oh my gosh and like I've told this story a hundred times I've talked to Daniel Radcliffe about this I had a crush on him like whatever and I remember I took so Corky Ballas used to have this collection of Beanie Babies and I remember I took clearly I'm a stealer I took the Valentino the the one with the heart the white one and I wrote Daniel Radcliffe a love note and I gave it to him for Valentine's Day yeah actually I gave it to his PA I don't know if ever got it I wonder how many terance received on that film so Beanie Babies old TR he's the kindest human and a real artist yeah really great so when you go to La are you 18 18 you're not here terribly long before you get on Dancing with the yeah I moved literally a week after my 18th birthday in July and basically just doing the Central casting jobs and just trying to make money meeting Kristen at events yeah and then in I think it was like November December the Dancing with the Stars tour came around around and they wanted background dancers and so I was like well this is working out perfect cuz I can't pay my rent anymore and I need to do something so I hadn't really danced I was going to say did you feel Rusty not really now I'm Rusty but I picked it right back up and so I got on the tour and while I was on the tour Joey McIntyre was on the tour and his dance partner Kim Johnson got injured within the first few this is what you're praying for as an you always want an injury and so I ended up filling in for Kim and was doing all the background dancing and Company dancing too so I was popping Dancing with the Stars producers came to the show and they were like we want you to be on the show and I said no because I wanted to act and I wanted to sing and I was like I don't want to be on a reality show I want to be taken seriously I had the same thing and so a few days later Irving as off's company had another subdivision called Frontline management and they did a bunch of touring and they were producing the tour somebody also said that I sang and so I sang for iring and Jared Paul at like a venue in Nashville and I said I wanted to sing and they said great what do you want to do and I was like country music right oh just throwing a dart at the exactly okay they signed me did not know I literally was like cool and then I called my dad I was like what's a manager what are they going to do I don't know and then Jared convinced me to do Dancing with the Stars he was like you need to do this there's 20 million viewers a week watching this show cuz that was before streaming or social media or anything it was a year contract and I was like I'm not signing a contract for 5 years that's 10 seasons and 5 years I was like this isn't what I want to do I said I'm going to get out of this contract in two and a half years I said that to the producers Conrad green I love him he's now the producer on the show that I'm back on uh he's like okay little girl in two and a half years when I was on the show I got out of the contract no way how did you get out of the contract there was a California claw or something whatever that was it was like if somebody doesn't want to be a part of something anymore you could let them they changed all of the contracts after that and nobody can get out of them now doing my first couple Seasons I won both of them did you enjoy that of course I did it was novelty cuz like the first of anything I love winning and also I was so in the competitive zone for That season that the minute it was done and I won and I actually released a single I went to the airport and everybody knew me and so it was scary people would grab me and be like oh my gosh Come meet my family I was like what's happening but it also felt like love getting a lot of approval I was like oh this is amazing yeah you're greeting everyone as they enter Church basically everywhere you go can I ask you a hard question sure did you ever feel when you were winning were you just like I'm amazing like did you get high on yourself a little bit during that time I don't see how you could not personal actually no I didn't think the opposite I was just elated with joy when it would happen okay so your ego was managed managed or just unaware of it and I was not social yeah do we have a boyfriend yet so going back I ended up dating and engaged actually to this guy named Zach Wilson that you met at the charter school no so I met him when I was like 6 years old at Center Stage he was a dancer singer he was 6 years older than me but he had gone on Morman Mission when I was in high school and right as I was finishing High School like in may he came back and we started dating May to July and then I moved to LA we ended up getting engaged in December right before I went on the Dancing with the Stars tour how into fdls are you at this I didn't say that right LDS LDS are you still ascribing to I've got to get married before I have sex and all that okay so when I was in London we didn't go to church at all when I moved back in order to fit in in Utah you needed to be Mormon go to Seminary have friends cuz that was the community of course I just fell back into it but I wasn't actively committed to it I just kind of did whatever I needed to do and malleable to what I needed to be for the environment well cuz the generic thought I have is if you're all in on that and I'm 18 or 19 and I'm in love with someone I'm pretty motivated and incentivized to get married I wasn't motivated by sex it was motivated for me and obviously the cliche and stereotype of a woman is to feel safe and so I think that on to of just my childhood in safy safety safety and this person feels stable and consciously I'm not thinking that but he was definitely a very stable beautiful person put together and how long did that last it lasted a few months and then I was like I know I don't want to live in Utah and have kids and he ended up marrying my best friend when I was 6 years old and they have four kids they're happy as hell yeah that's the life that he wanted but also that we could have had and honestly maybe there would have been a lot more stability or space to create that you found the gumption to break it off that was probably hard as hell no you're a very interesting mix of people pleaser and yet very assertive and advocate for yourselves I'm not going to do this show I'm going to get out in 2 and a half years I can break off this engagement at 18 I had a very like you watch me attitude and that is what drove me from 15 to 25 I'm driving the boat now M but that was very empty cuz I would finish something and then I'd be like on to the next thing on to the next thing never celebrate anything and when I look at my life I'm like holy I have done so many things and I so proud of myself but also I had so much freaking Gump do you feel like you missed most of the stuff you've done totally and then when I started my healing journey and process and everything I lost all motivation and I was like oh my God cuz I wasn't driven to prove myself to anybody else cuz they still had the power and so as that happened and switched I was like I don't know what I want to do and I'm like man I wish I was 18 and that convicted little I was so sassy and on it but completely unaware of anything around me okay so 2007 you joined Dancing with the Stars you win season 4 with Apollo you win season five with Helio Helio CZ a race car driver season six you get with Adam Cora that and well no but it actually did cuz we got kicked off and then I was about to release my debut album timing was great I was going to ask that when you get kicked off the show or you get eliminated not kicked off do you have to hang around and watch all the other performances it's different now but that season you stopped getting paid when you got kicked off and then if they wanted you back on it was like sag raate or whatever after yeah if they came and did a performance and so because they knew I was coming out with a record just didn't ever go back that season okay so the record comes out it charts and everything it's very promising yeah it was a number one album it was on the top 100 Billboard at number three I went on tour with Brad Paisley he's a sweet yes Brad and Kimberly they're amazing yeah I spent a couple days with them once at someone's house and I thought he was about as nice as they come they're so good so again I'm wondering if I'm knew how I'm figuring out what the I'm doing in life I'm like winning on this show 20 million people know me I'm famous in the airport now I have a country album is that what I'm doing moved to Nashville I was touring I did the record I used to describe it as the Stars just felt like they were aligned life was working in my favor and I thought I was just like flowing everything felt very easy I didn't feel challenged or pushed until the country career that is my greatest regret it is what is that you didn't like finish oh okay so what happened if I'm not winning and number one I'm losing and so of course I was totally comparing myself to none other than Taylor Swift oh my god oh boy not an easy feat me and Jordan's teammate she was coming up right before me and then it was like Carrie Underwood and then Kelly Pickler and I would kind of battle for third spot she's great she's amazing I love her I had this Beast inside of me that was like if I'm not number one I'm losing really quick I don't want to do it or it's too embarrassing it's embarrassing and then also because I didn't I know exactly you guys this is not my mindset today let me just yeah there's like there's an audience of imaginary people that you're basing all decisions on like embarrassment in front of this theoretical group cuz no one in your life is like oh you're only the third biggest country star people are like blown away completely but also Taylor at that point what era it was your first SRA mon was her first album because this is important cuz now if you said I was competing with Taylor Swift you do sound crazy but her debut album in stuff like no one knew who she was going to end up being but yeah so that was that era and I didn't have any guidance around me too yes my manager was there but I shifted management to somebody who was more country nobody was challenging and really looking out for me I was the one making the decisions which at 19 just because I sounded like knew what I was talking about I had no clue would you I'm that way too but I would take some personal responsibility and that is that I wasn't availing myself to any guidance I wanted you to believe I belonged there so much that to admit I could use some help would be exposing myself as not belonging there when I think about how I could have done things differently I think it was more I wanted the seven layer cake but I was only at number two and I wanted what was at the top I wanted immediately and so if it wasn't happening I would say I think I'm done with this I don't want to do this anymore and they would listen versus are you sure let's talk about why and then with parents or family I didn't engage with them I didn't bring them along the journey I just did what I did there was no support system that was like you're a human let's talk through this versus me being like I know what I'm talking about I don't want to do this anymore was there any part of you that was punishing your family cuz I could imagine myself being like you guys sent me away and I wasn't a priority and look at me I didn't feel that way until 25 I didn't even really remember my childhood from 0 to 10 I was proving myself from 10 to 15 those people I almost got a little not brainwashed but a little brainwashed into thinking that my family was less than it was more that I didn't have the respect that I wanted their opinions which is so heartbreaking for me to even say because that is disgusting so many levels but that was the truth at the time I didn't respect what they would tell me well I say one of my biggest sources of Shame is that I wanted a dad to say good job son you did it but I wanted to respect that person so that that compliment really meant something that's so shameful for me to go like I didn't respect my dad enough that even if he gave it to me I wouldn't have really wanted it I had this big Revelation at like 27 that I was just like my mom and I I fell in love with my mom oh yeah that's beautiful I'm having that too with my dad but he's not there for me to do it yeah yeah so I'm glad you're having yours well she's still here I'm a carbon copy actually yep me too so the country career gets cut short I remember actually I had one embarrassing shameful moment that I got a little too drunk and I was on stage and I fell off the stage nobody in the audience saw but my bandmates did and my bass player she came back on the bus and she's like you're disgusting she's like the fact that you have this opportunity and you're just going to get drunk and any of us would want to be on this trajectory that you're on and you don't write your own music she went off Oliver eny came out at once and I was like she's right and I was dating Ryan Crist at the time which was a whole other experience because he was in raadi that much later it was like 19 to 21 22 that I did the music and I started dating him at1 he was doing his radio at the time making this really big deal with iHeart Radio country radio was also like they make $40,000 a year and he's about to make a $60 million you know deal and they hate him I'm now promoting my second record that I'm writing and there was a photo of me I was like Swan diving off of the front of the yacht just like a combustion of like you're Hollywood you're dating Ryan country Street CR CMT banned my music video cuz it was too racy like there was like a whole thing and then that happened and I was like victim I can't do this I'm embarrassed and then I got to move away from it so instead of actually quitting I never quit I just pivoted and I went into movies and that's when I did bras really quick where are we at with drinking at that age is drinking a great source of relief my first drink was at 11 it was Bailey's Irish Cream oh beautiful tast there was one time I got really drunk the first time and last time I was ever allowed people over at my house in London Mark and DK helped me out they were very sweet and kids drink in England yeah and I was like 14 and then I didn't drink and then when I started doing country music everybody drinks on tour so then I would drink a little bit and the reason I fell off the stage at that show we were in Napa and we had done a wine tour that day and then like always we would do a shot before we go on and it just mixed wrong and I just got really hadn't eaten enough maybe totally the Stars aligned in that moment too and then boom it wasn't a source of it wasn't anything you were wrestling with no it wasn't but when I started the movies I ended up figuring this out like a few years ago but my addictive Loop Nicorette gum was part of it alcohol was part of it diet pills was a part of it and then online shopping the loop and it would be like a long period of time and then it got shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter over like a span of 12 Years meaning the periods between Indulgence and now you're just like clicking from one little dopamine fix to another totally it was interesting I always felt like it's like a million piece puzzle and I can't figure out like I don't know why I do this and then all of a sudden it was like boom here's the 10 pieces of the puzzle and they all fit this is the loop that was the biggest sense of relief not shame oh it was like oh my God thank God I figured this out because that had so much control over me and I got it in a way where it was more binging versus non-stop so I could hide that so easily and justify it my behavior wasn't bad I met you on the set of burlesque that was a wild I think enough time has passed to talk about what a wild you were dating her at that point we would have been together for 3 years 2010 although you filmed it in 2009 so there was this incredibly interesting Dynamic we won't name names but there was a director and a studio head and they were dating for like 20 years I would go to the set and I was like I've never seen anything like this sometimes the studio exec in sometimes the director's directing sometimes they're in a very vocal fight out loud was that your first movie that you were there for run a pitcher and were you thinking this is standard Show Business was any of that seeming bizarre to you no that's what's weird I was like oh okay it's hostile it's toxic awesome like I belong here I get it it was strange but it was competitive as well so I thrived in it what was competitive about it dancing obviously was the core element of this movie that set was Wilder there was a lot of different Egos and Dynamics but that was your first experience so you were like yeah okay yeah I guess this is how it is and I was just very much a head down do my job get the work done be the best that I can be and don't get involved that was my way and was dating seest I would imagine it would be so exciting and so privileged and so romantic and then also I would feel like I was losing myself to all of that that was exactly the dynamic the rug was swept up from under underneath me and I was just flying and I was experiencing things that I didn't even know existed you're meeting fantastic person after fantastic person but then I had this insecurity that I was like I don't ever want anybody to think that I'm with him for this reason and so I then started playing smaller you didn't want to seem like you were out there to try to get your own attention or that I was like using him exactly and I know that that was his experience in past situations and stuff and so I again overcompensated was malleable to fit into exactly what somebody needed me to be for them to be happy and what I've realized over the years is I don't know if I've ever truly been in love with someone but I have loved the feeling of being loved of course and so let me be what that needs to be so that I can be loved and then because I'm so filled with love from someone of course I love you I love everyone I've been in love with everybody I've ever dated but have I I don't want to like overanalyze it because every person I've also dated has been a very good personov dud beautiful like enormous and if I were you I might start getting flashbacks of being an England I'm in someone else's life a little bit at that time no clue I was so oblivious so dissociative I had no idea that that was like a repeated pattern even though it's familiar and what I know it's not what I want but it's what makes me feel safe you know how to navigate you have practice but again lovely person and eventually I remember remember when I decided to break things off I had a lot of these Brentwood moms and producers in that world that were like what are you doing and I was like what do you mean they're like your life is completely set up and I was like but I didn't build it exactly and of course I was like I need to create this competitively like it's not mine and I want to feel the pride of doing it I remember I was with my manager and he challenged me in a way I don't know if you guys know your anagrams I'm a seven wi eight which is like the Enthusiast and the Challenger so when somebody challenges me I will challenge right back so my manager said to me he's like it must be really hard dating him because he's got such a big life and he's doing this and this and this and I was like no it's not watch me do it I have a big life too yeah exactly my ego popped in and that was all before I started on my healing Journey did you have this when I was breaking up with this person I had this fear that was right but IR relevant to my real life which was well I know how the public version of this story is going to go and I don't like that it was another element of feeling out of control or powerless I know what the Assumption will be when this dissolves and I don't like that and I almost can't leave CU I don't want that to happen which I know is going to happen weird enough again totally unaware I didn't think about what people thought okay that's I was just wrestling on the inside I think much more about what people think now which which is the pendulum swing I've gone this side this side and I'm trying really hard to find this like middle of ground live between five and seven yeah but I definitely was in full self-preservation mode so I was only concerned about me I couldn't see even now I'm talking I'm like my publicist is probably going to be like what the Juliet you didn't need to say all of that no it's great do you know how many people can relate to having that feeling of joining someone else's life I mean it's a very very common I think so people canate this is a very heightened version of it but so many people do that your wife or husband is a trial attorney and you're like yeah so that's the main thing everything works around that this person will be gone for this amount of time that's totally works for some people well your mom and your dad the same pattern although it didn't work for Mom and it didn't work for jul well wait we haven't got to my marriage yet oh my God wait but I do have a question in your addiction Loop is love Addiction in there connection is just needing some connection and validation not intimacy validation is probably my number one addiction yeah stay tuned for more armchair expert if you [Music] dare okay so we end the country music career and we don't officially we just kind to fade away from you then return to Dancing with the Stars you're doing a lot of things was doing films I was doing movies foot loose and Rock of Ages and Safe Haven are you loving that I'm loving it it's isolation again so I'm just doing the work this is just what I know yeah you're in a bubble when you do a movie it's like 3 months and I focus on this entirely and actually that's a very good reference point to what I discovered later on which is I love a project because it's not sustainable I can do 3 months do everything I can and then I can move on and you can ignore your life while you're do I can ignore that life and then I can be done with that life and go have another one if you look at my career I've pivoted pivoted pivoted I haven't rooted anywhere to create an identity I'm actually Associated as Julianne Huff the chick from Dancing With the Stars versus all the other things that I do what is my identity because Dancing with the Stars has been the most consistent I was a dancer judge host that has been the most consistent so my identity is associated with a show you need a nice six-year television show but then I'll be associated with that show yeah you need something outside of work I'm still figuring stuff out I'm like there I just have to accept it yeah I mean in that or at least in my experience was that was the answer to movies because it wasn't a bubble it's your real life it goes on all year long and it goes on all year long for six years and at some point you're like no no I have a real job with real co-workers that I can really commit to and I'll see them for the rest of my life and it's actually very substantive and very Roots yeah well a few years ago this is when I figured out my addiction loop I was in Nebraska and I was in a parking lot of a pilates studio and I was waiting to go in and it was raining and I was like this is my life I am in Nebraska in a parking lot going to Pilates waiting to be called on to set with people I don't know and I'm doing this for the rest of my life and I'm single what is happening this is not the life that I want I'm grateful for the job and I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to do what I do but this is not the life that I want you're seeing that it's adding up to something you're not going to want at the end of all of it does that influence what you do professionally yeah you go okay I'm going to be a judge I'll be home I can actually nurture my real life and put Roots down and then how do you meet your husband I was doing a movie and we were set up by the lead actor and his wife I was kind of talking to like you know five different people non-committal let me just have the validation and the attention and he was one of them and I went to a Tony Robin seminar that my brother pretty much forced me to go to my sisters and my mom we all went doc I'm now remembering yes it was December of 2013 I had been broken up with Ryan for like almost a year and that was my it year and that's when I met Nina she went to that too right yeah it took me six years to get her there but okay that's how her and Sean she met Sean yeah I will take credit at the wedding you're allowed we both deserve some credit I tried to hook them up backstage at the Teen Choice Awards I introduced them the first time and then you came in for the kill yeah but yeah so that was December of 2013 I'd just been on this like it year with nah I had never got wild before everything was mis perfect and image everything and I was scared you know we went to Coachella for the first time and I was like I'm going to do drugs you know and like and of course I did like a half a weed Jolly Rancher and like I was like I'm going to be really conservative and by the time we took it from the hotel to the venue I had them take me back home because I was tripping so hard on the half of on a half of we Jolly Rancher anyway so that was the beginning and then nah and I would travel sounds like you were maybe having your adolescence I was for sure and then at the end of that year remember I was like smoking just felt dark my energy was just and I went to this Tony Robbin seminar and I was actually supposed to meet Brooks my ex-husband for the first time at the end of that week and so I was like I'm only going to go for two days Derek because I know this is important to you I'll go for two days but I'm going to come back I'm going to get my nails done my hair done you know and then I'm going to fly to go and see this new guy in DC wow flying to a blind day I mean we've been talking for a little bit and I was still kind of talking to these other people I remember the first day of the Tony Robin suer I was like oh I was completely oblivious of so many different belief systems that I had and patterns and the meanings that I put behind everything and then I realized oh my God I was proving myself to these people and then I was like I thought I was a good girlfriend but actually I wasn't because I wasn't communicating anything it was like some people that happens to some people don't have that big of an experience it changed my life and so I was like I'm staying I text everybody that I was talking to and I was like I'm so sorry this is going nowhere but thank you for the time I'm day two at a Tony Robbins convention and this is over this is over yeah but for some reason with Brooks I don't want to end things with him and I ended up having the greatest week of my life I pivoted so hard and did the pendulum swing of so closed off to like my heart is so open and it is not about giving and taking it's just about giving like I went to this whole third dimensional place of Love of just like I don't want anything in return I just want to love and I went and I met him and I was just on this Tony Robbins High glowing false advertisement maybe a little bit because I went so far on the other side of the pendulum swing that it was all about just giving so when we met I was in a state of love we started dating and I think he was a little bit like who is this fairy who's like popped into my life he's also very black and white came from woa Saskatchewan popular population 600 Liv with all boys and grown yeah and like hockey was his whole life amazing Culture by the way totally I just was like this is it I'm ready and sometimes you meet the people for the right time the season whatever it is and something just was the right fit we did long distance for like 3 and 1 half years and then we got married so did you ever live together not really I would go back and forth every other week to see him in hindsight there were a lot of orange Flags I would say again you're joining his life he has a set schedule while also keeping my own in LA because I could go home and just do what I needed to do and so then when we actually joined forces he came into my life so it was this interesting joining of lives was he retiring when he came to be with you no and he had a really rough last few years of his career he was injured and then he got traded before his team that he had been there for almost 12 years won the Stanley Cup oh it makes me want to cry cuz I feel for him so bad what a year um that was 2017 yeah yeah that was the year we got married and the year that everything kind of started to unravel yeah that's a bummer cuz sometimes you wonder just you know another time another place kind of thoughts yeah but sometimes those thoughts are lies yeah and I think they often are I think it can be distracting Liz and I talk about this a lot cuz I think she does this of like I wonder if now it's like it wasn't right that can be a hard thing to fully accept but you could also have met me one year before I got sober and you could have met me three years after I got sober and probably but it wasn't right it has nothing to do with like then maybe you know I feel like our relationship and our marriage was exactly right and the end of it is right too we both have regrets that it didn't work out because I don't think we had the mature to like come together he was Contracting while I was expanding we just couldn't find each other in that we just went into our own protective modes so we've definitely accepted what happened but we're sad that like it didn't work out because I've only dated great human beings that's great and he's got the greatest heart that I could have ever had the privilege of being with now I would imagine there's two really strong forces in the way of a divorce for you one being I'm not going to be my mom cuz that to me is a big motivator for me to never get divorce it's just like I refused to do what my parents did parents and my oldest sister because my sister and my mom did the same pattern so my sister got married when she was 19 the year that my mom left my dad 20 years later my sister left her husband same thing and my mom was actually thinking about leaving her wow husband at that time and it was the year that I got married oh wow it was very yeah suspicious yeah it's very strange so when I got divorced I was like well I'm not going to spend 20 years doing this and I'm a very hungry curious person and especially in the last 10 years I've been very much into the self-discovery zone and then when I got divorced I was like I am not getting into a relationship I'm not just doing that I'm not going to do the thing yeah but so there's the element of like okay now I'm one step closer to being like my mom but then also the perfectionist who now has failed publicly were you like dealing with the embarrassment that people knew in my opinion we shouldn't feel bad for celebrities cuz we got it all but it's a unique experience I think to have the hardest thing people go through generally divorce in public is just this other element that seems uniquely cruel well I think the thing that was the hardest yes it was publicity and the narrative that it was me going on this spiritual journey and there was this quote that came out earlier from that and lots of stuff was circulating it and at the time I just never spoke about it because I was like I don't want to feed into anything but also I Never Had The Narrative ever during that time I've also felt kind of misunderstood in that time frame but then I'm like but who am I trying to get to understand me I don't actually care at this point anymore well that's what you hope to come out on yeah but there's these moment no no at the time my death hole pit of era like that was like four years and it was during Co too right it was so I asked for a separation in September of 2019 10 days later my dogs died and I had them for 11 years and it was no they both died yeah it was very tragic and I'm sorry thank you that was all kind of happening at the same time but it was an unraveling everything that I had ever known that I had put into place for my control and my protection unconditional love was represented by my girls Lexi and Harley I had this marriage to this guy who represented more of a father figure to me and while he was changing I was changing completely unored you're like what can I count on there is nothing I can count on uprooted everything to the point where these are like the negative thoughts that you have you're like I literally blew up my entire life and I have nothing but that's not the truth it's like oh I actually get to start in an intentional way that I get to design and create the life that is actually coming from my soul have you destroyed your whole life or have you been liberated from a life if you didn't intentionally design and even though it is Liberation when I look at it from a higher place doesn't mean it wasn't hard as F oh yeah yeah of course I think Liberation that Viewpoint comes years later totally yeah I don't think anyone in the moment is like oh I'm liberated from my marriage you're like oh my God my life's ending yeah well since then work works out for you I I mean you do Broadway you're on America's Scott talent you are a judge on Dancing With the Stars you host the red carpet for the Oscar you just did the Tony Awards you're plenty distracted by work there is a healthy zone of work yeah there's like the one where you completely Lose Yourself to it ignore your real life but then there's also one where it's like it's mini vacations which are nice and needed the first part of the divorce it was covid and I had just started a company called kenergy and it was basically what I needed and what I was doing to start my healing journey and so I was sharing that through an outlet which was a company and so that was like the first thing that I focused my energy on and that took up a lot of time and energy and I was managing a lot of people and so I had connection I had a mission and purpose it felt like it was coming from me this wasn't a performance so it was this first time that I felt connected to something that felt real and sustainable in a way that I wasn't pushing and then that kind of took its toll and the company shifted and changed and went into a different direction and I moved away from that I think in the last few years I consciously was like I don't want to date because I know when I do I can feel it I'm not attracting the thing that I want and I'm not being who I want to be let me focus on my family relationships and my friendships and then I can work too but my relationship with my mom and dad when I got divorced everything fell apart and the only people that I could turn to were my parents right it was a full reuniting of like hey guys I'm about to unload a lot I love you this is why I'm going to share all of this but this is what happened and we literally went through years of healing and that connection with my parents I got to feel like a kid again lovely taking care of totally taken care of and I couldn't it was the most depressed time in my life and I couldn't just keep going and thank God for the pandemic I couldn't hide and so it was the most beautiful opportunity to create that connection with my family and my sisters because Derrick and I were close but we had a wedge with us and I have the life that they wish that they had they're so proud and they would never want me to not have it but there is so much sadness that they weren't able to have it and I was able to look at them and be like okay my older sister had six kids and she went through a divorce and there were so many abandonments and betrayals that happen in her life that I'm experiencing right now I can go and ask her for advice I can need her my second sister had a business with 60 employees and I was struggling with having employees and I could go to her and talk to her about that you know my third sister really struggled with depression and anxiety and self-worth and I was like I can talk to her about that and we had all these things that we could bond over that were real fundamental yeah so I was able to reconnect with my family by the way almost everything you're listing is all the bondings really over the imperfections and the failures and it's like when you're presenting all the time all of this Perfection it's a barrier of connection weirdly we think it'll attract more people to us but it's not really the thing that connects us I used to say my energy was my superpower I was like I think it was just anxiety yeah but the more you breede the more you have and then it's this misguided representation of energy sometimes more is just more it's not better okay we have arrived at everything we never knew this is another pivot it is because when you're coming on and I know you have a book my assumption is it's going to be a memoir and it's not it is a fiction novel but it's supernatural it's heightened it's self-discovery it's factional it is my experiences of my I hate using this term but Spiritual Awakening and my awareness and the unraveling of my so-called perfect life I was like you know I spent so much of my life giving every part of myself to everyone and I don't want to share the details but I want to share the universal themes of loss and grief and abandonment and betrayal and violation and all sorts of things that I've experienced so who's carrying your story in this book her name is Lexi your dog who was my soulmate so Lexi is a woman who seemingly has everything put together she is the star saleswoman at her real estate firm she has the perfect husband they live in the perfect little house in Utah at the very beginning you realize that she had a very big loss and as she's kind of going through this experience at her gala where she's about to receive her award for the best salesman of the year she's a little distracted but she goes up to give her speech and she sees a man and she's like I don't recognize this guy these this like Cloud around him and it's just this dark energy and he sits down and then all of a sudden she can't breathe she feels like she's drowning she tastes the salt water and then she starts hearing this woman saying like help him save him Henry and she's like the is happening right now and she's like is anybody hearing this no and cut to that's like her first experience of like something's not right I think I'm either going crazy nobody heard this and then later on that night he ends up having an overdose and she thinks I could have helped him so now she's like empath infected you think this whole book she's on this journey to become a Healer and of course you can't heal anybody or be a part of somebody's healing Journey without healing yourself first so she has to go through her own lessons of healing and transformation and it's all through the elements Earth fire water air and this is all based off of my true experience experiences and what I used as my healing journey and when I was going through that and writing the book I have a technically she was supposed to be a ghost writer but I was like she wrote this I came up with the concept and the themes and we talked every week but I'm a high concept person like let somebody else write it and so she's on the cover Ellen goodlet yeah so as I was writing the book I couldn't actually look at it for two years after we wrote it I wrote it in 2020 oh my gosh because you felt like it was going to be still too exposing exposing but also I like to call it my death hole pit of era where I was in the darkest time I couldn't give the good energy for it it was just negative you were going to infect whatever you read with the terrible lens you were looking through life with exactly I felt such like a cowardly hypocritical thing because I'm writing this thing I created this modality kenergy to help other people with their movement and transformation and I'm going through this like storm of a thing and so I was like I can't even look get it until I'm out of this anyway I ended up reading it end of 2022 and I was like oh this is really good I think I should probably do something with it so we started figuring out what the actual editing process was like and when that was happening I actually started writing music and I've written five songs that are for each one of the lessons that she goes through oh cool and going to do the book narration and do score and so I'm like oh wow this is the Artistry that I was talking about which is through the healing I like found creativity and passion with actually my voice and so even though it's like such a departure I would never call myself an author it's storytelling it's narrative and it's how people experience it so some people will read some people will listen to music some people will dance and most importantly you read it and you felt like it represented the story that you had gone through different experiences but the universal themes so people who know my story will be able to read between the lines people who don't know my story will see themselves completely in it and find their own vers I admire that you're including Alan me too me too a lot like almost more than anything me too how did you decide that was that a hard decision not at all not at all have integrity that's a really interesting thing you say that because in the last three years I've been like Integrity is my word you know who's got a lot of Integrity Monica oh that's other than she cheat on the election that's her only in a very specific collection I wish you know you have integrity but I can only think of one thing and I know it it's also I have that I'm owning it yeah totally but honestly integrity and honesty was not my biggest thing because that was out of fear from very results oriented performative yeah the Integrity is internal and it's not flashy and it might get noticed and it might not can be repellent it can be it's inconvenient sometimes when it's time to tell a white Li yeah that's what this book is and it's the first project that I've had that it's taken me a long time it wasn't just a quick thing it's come from like a dee rooted truth and authenticity and scary place and it's also something that I'm like if it hits great if it doesn't cool I did it you know it was about process hopefully and not about the results you've been stuck in the results and then the last thing we'll mention is that you're in the bride which Maggie Gyllenhaal directed and Christian Bale and Anette Benning and Penelope tell you really quick I think Christian Bell is probably the best working male actor oh my gosh and American Beauty I would say her performance is among the top three I've ever seen ever and then penel Cruz what a party for you no it's a party I'm very excited I think it was announced so I can say it but Jake Gyllenhaal is also in it and so so Jake and I Jake we play 1930s movie stars oh fun we get to dance and have our Maggie direct Jake we got to have them together it's fabulous it's really fun watching them talk about a perfectionist he's just so like I even look what he did with Road and body and body and learning all the moves and the fight sequences so convincing clearly so dedicated to everything he does we were dancing and he was wanting to get it so perfect I bet all right so the bride everyone look for that and then everything we never knew August 13th yes okay Jewels AKA Julian Huff such a pleasure to have you you too good luck with everything everyone read everything we never knew be well stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were [Music] wrong um how's the trip been so far Aaron fantastic so good so good to see you the highlights once again is um going to have to be Morton steakhous oh yeah Monday night caring weing yeah um we had such a party there it just was a a magical night it turned into this is a weird sign of a great experience but this has happened to me at Houston's three or four times and it happened to me at Morton's which is immediately after the meal I had to really go to the bathroom in Crazy hanas before we left the restaurant before I left the restaurant oh wow and I think that's the result of like eating such delicious Rich fatty food buttery that my body is like whoa we got we got to get this well you're you eat very regimented so you're also it's just like different so we went hard wedge we went split the racka Lambs in the ribeye oh truffle fries sauteed spinach and we force Nate to order a martini the a dry Jin martini with extra olives yeah that's my drink but I don't get olives I get lemon twist oh oh yeah we well what and then I asked for a pack of cigarettes too which she didn't have but and a telephone and a telephone our obsession with that Morton is we really want a telephone with a cord where they would bring it out oh fourth person hello someone just knocked it sounded like it but it might just be construction oh it's Delta she just got a new Nerf G um oh she wants to show me she already blasted you oh yeah shut the out of me hi what's up I I just needed to look I was looking for Aaron you looking for Aaron why cuz you want to shoot him no um I was going to ask if he could participate in our game oh would it involve him getting shot with your Nerf gun oh no he would just be um the um bait we' put it to his head okay we wouldn't shoot him she blasted five rounds in to me already um okay well I'm sorry I'm stolen him for yeah for work but he'll be done in an hour what how much longer an hour oh I know I'm sorry that's an eternity at your age she's a good shot by the way I uh she has your uh skill with the pistol yeah oh we yeah we were talking about what potential if we had to be in the Olympics what could we do what would be our best shot now like if we had to go today with our current skills or is it our aptitude that's a great question I we didn't get that granular about it Aaron would his baseball in the Olympics anyways p i was a pretty good shot with a pistol oh is what we remembered Aaron was much better with a rifle or shotgun but I was pretty good with a pistol so we thought maybe I do that weird pistol and did you watch any of the pistol shooting n they have the weirdest physicality you can imagine it's like they're leaning on four different invisible things they have the weirdest position to do it yeah I had overlooked something and then someone else in the comments had discovered it on their own as I had previously said there was a synchronized diving team uh American women by the name of cook and bacon yes do you know who won men's gold no in synchronized swimming I'm sorry synchronized diving no long Wang wow is that can't make that up so good wow there was also a a one of the swimming competitions there was like a Canadian person next to an American person and it was Harvey Weinstein oh my God oh my God like you could have just separated them flip the lanes yeah God it was crazy yes so there's some fun name play going on did you happen I know you didn't but did you happen to see the heavyweight wrestling gold medal match no it's um it was a Cuban wrestler and this was his fifth Olympics in a row he won Gold at completely unprecedent he's 41 wow and boners yeah five in a row Olympics isn't that crazy so 20 years yeah yes of Golds of Golds baby nice I hope he comes back at 45 oh now this is a pitch I think this is a very good idea when they do any event uh particularly I want to see it in the 400 and the 800 and the 200 all the running ones where there's multiple Lanes they should have a dead average person in the Ninth Lane yeah a lot of PE yep is this a common request I have heard this before yes I have so nothing original about this thought no but it's a it's a good enough thought that a lot of people have thought it there couldn't be anything better than to just see a dead average person so we we know what's happening cuz like they're all relative to one another you're talking I think about that with the swimmers no one would even be halfway across the pool by the time they're done with their like 800 do you think any of them would become the Stars like here's Dan um swimming in the six Lane like just people would root for him aage or what if he won he got all hyped up on the on the he starts getting all the commercials in there also he would have a or she would have a ton of time in the spotlight because like I was thinking I can't remember if the 400 I know that the it's around 50 or maybe even less 40 something eight I haven't timed myself running all around the track an entire lap but I'm guessing it's got to be more around a minute and a half so so I would have like a good 40 seconds of a closeup yeah when everyone else is finished you get some good screen time is that Average Joe lots of green time I don't think they I don't think they zoom in they just have you in the background like still going they're doing the interview yeah while they're interviewing shutting the lights off yeah but you have to keep going everyone's funling out and you're like traffic's going to be a the last one out of here guys mopping the floor okay now you know I have a history of offending Olympians you remember this you done it before yeah yeah and it was it was specifically when we launched Parenthood which I think was in 2008 and we followed the Winter Olympics so everywhere we went to do press they would of course ask us about the Olympics and I said that curling's crazy no one's even in a unifor I think is offensive I do what is this is people devote their whole life it's sweeping there's like someone with a broom and people are wearing like sweats and nothing matches so I was um I was just being funny that really that I I know what it is but oh it looks like oh God here I go again I don't want to get back into it point is I had done that and then I got a lot of blowback from it and I apologize I think it's a great Sport and I wish all curlers a ton of luck and good fortune and so I I'm I learned my lesson so now I'm not going to say anything about it I'm just going to say something okay sounds like you really learned a lesson speed walking oh and I'm just going to say speed walking and that's all I'm going to say I have no I'm not going to say anything an opinion about it but I'm just going to Simply say speed walking I enjoyed the clips you sent me last night I sent Monica a clip too it's a uh Kristen's character on Queen pins was a speed Walker mhm like Olympic speed Walker I think and that's a factual story I wonder if that yeah it does something so specific to the body yeah because the back of your heel has to touch so your feet have to touch yeah which is why then you look like really worm like uhhuh your hips are going back and forth up and down up and down and then your knees seem to Bow a bit from years of doing this probably it doesn't like what it what it does it looks very unnatural anatomically like the body knows it's supposed to start running at that point yes it it yeah for sure yeah I wonder if I'd be good at it cuz I Am Naturally bowlegged oh okay but I think you might need to be the opposite pigeon toed or whatever but you you think you're bowlegged I am yeah my my knees don't touch oh when you put your oh wow Mine do do yours Aaron let's do a little what do we do here put your ankles together touching and see if your knees then touch oh God no really are you both like you have you have um tree trunk thighs though you have such Redwood strong powerful touching they okay okay oh do you think we meant the top of your knees no no no it just it's taking a lot of uh effort effort to but Monica's claiming she can't even do it I see if I pushed if you pushed from the outside could you get them to touch like you to save mankind you got to get him touch okay ow no it hurts oh my God you got hurt you can't be in the Olympics hurt on the couch I can I can they don't now when I sent you the clip what did you think had you watched any of it no I had not I had not seen that I did I don't know I don't want to Der derogatory I don't either I don't either how long are the RAC I don't want to at all so oh forever keep it going they they last a very long time they're going marathon length they are yes I was watching that and it was it was on all night I I was trying to they're not they're not walking they're walking third 2 mil uh find out what the distance is uh and they walked like 41 they had to go in a loop 41 times or something yeah so there's 5,000 m 10,000 M 20,000 M 50,000 met must have been 20,000 how many miles is that so that's 20 km that's uh so that's 13 miles so half marathon half marathon now I'm starting to get interested about it me too the more I talk about now I'm like and go back the judges are they watching constant is someone watching a specific person constant they don't break their St they add penalties so like if you up and you're running or whatever you don't touch your heel um I can't remember if you get a warning first but at some point they start giving you three minute penalties oh so it's not like they just go get out of there they start adding on yeah how are they do they have binoculars how are they making sure the heal is there 65 judges for each exactly you can't there's no way you could be watching two people at once no no also after like an hour of it are you does that thing happen you know there's been studies on whether security guards can actually even see those TVs after they're on a shift for 3 hours you know this CU eyes like well their subconscious just files it in they can't really see anything it's kind of it's pageantry and I do wonder if at some point they're like they get hypnotized and they're missing the mark yeah could be could be and then um we had had an inquiry about gymnastics and the whole stunting your growth thing do you remember that uhhuh and so someone wrote in and they said um love this episode also I do think gymnastics stunts your growth I quit when I was 19 and I was 5 foot 1 in in less than a year I grew four in and I'm 55 I'm also the shortest person in my family by a good three inches so anecdotally I do think I'd be taller if I didn't do gymnastics yeah it's all anecdotal I haven't heard anything from any doctors or scientists yeah but Simone's 48 like she's 48 had to have stunted her a little bit and I don't think any of her competitors are about 5'2 I watched an interview with her where she was debunking gymnastics myths and one of them was people say gymnastics sense your growth and she said I don't know but I am 48 so probably okay good she she calls it like she sees it she does she seems liberated yeah yeah she really does that's cuz she goes to therapy yeah she's being her true authentic self okay sorry there we go we just we had such a fun chat off a no you can't say that on makeing people angry I know we had such a fun chat off we're back um Morton okay let's get back to Morton it is like a time travel yeah I like I love a steakhouse for that reason yes and and and you what you really want most is a big heavy telephone and you want them to bring it to you cuz some your business demanded it right they they know they know you're at Morton for dinner or for lunch every day mind you this was dinner and then you have to either fire someone or threaten to fire someone over this landline while you're chewing your steak and then you slam it and then you light up a cigarette and have a nice cigarette in there God it only seems right there I would never smoke again it's been uh almost 19 years but I might make an exception inside of Morton's if they said we're going to bring smoking back for a day okay I might have a big steak and have the cigarette burning while I'm eating the steak of course yeah yeah if she would have brought us cigarett a tray and a an ashtray I would have smoked big gorgeous Crystal ashtray did you have baked potatoes not this time I I encourage Nate to get the loaded baked potato I love a loaded baked potato but he felt like he had had enough he had enough food my favorite part is when uh Dax wants other people to have things like um like when I was still drinking he you know like especially like early on like when he would get so he's like can you please have some drinks and um more cigarettes like he wanted me to do all the things he couldn't do and be yourself I always terrified that people are like curbing their behavior cuz I'm sober yeah I know that's part of it and I get it too because I had a lot of Joy watching Nate drink a martini too that was pretty fun and what a bastard Monica he drank like a third of it yeah he didn't even Fin and Aaron and and they're strong if you aren't used to drinking them but also he's with three addicts and we were like what the who's else is he doing Eric I would never have had I mean we I would have yeah you drank wine with just Eric and I I think you guys were coming off your meeting too right yeah we we were coming from a meeting I'm I'm proud of Nate for doing it like I'm I'm glad he did it he did not want it I I would have been I would have felt uncomfortable I would have felt even when we Su suggested JY you could tell was like oh God this is even getting better like this specific I really don't want yeah do you know what's happening though in my head right now what you know no I want one so bad oh you should go to Morton and have one I mean I you might right I'm not going to go to Morton far it's Far Hills no no no no it's right here in Burbank right by Warner Brothers oh and yeah but then I have to drive it's very simple it's an easy commute I just mean if I've been drinking a bunch of martinis well you you don't have to have a bunch you could just have three or four three or four our not a bunch okay you know what's worse I'll pay for an Uber for you to get two in front what's really dve once you drink for you're just outside the window we'll be like it's time for your try your first cigarette we have a pack of cigarettes with us um I got for one second and this is this kid a little worrisome um for one second when you said not a lot just three or four I I thought for a second like oh my God I really am not drinking much at all oh sure that sounds insane and but then when you said it as if like yeah that's average and I was like oh I'm definitely barely drinking yeah if I had three Jack and diets at a dinner that would be a big win for me I would be like oh this is great I don't even have a problem or even four two martinis is you're also half my size yeah two martinis is what I would get probably which is loose which is a martini extra than most regular drinkers or like uh you know people who dip their toe in uhhuh casual as you said Nate had half a martini a third yeah God we made him take one more sip before we he didn't want to he might have liked a lemon twist more can I show you a picture of him I was just about to say the picture is great it looks like a fishbowl of I mean it does look really big in I got the perspective to look extra was it an extra big one or something no totally noral totally normal no okay money pick up your phone yeah it's like real cloudy which I like something about a martini with steak though cigarett yeah steak houses yeah I that's what I think of whiskey cigarettes phones business loosen in my belt oh my God this is a cute pict making up excuses to your family right I do got to point out one thing that was a really nice touch was that he ordered it and and and not cuz it was slow the man took a long time to make it and he personally brought it out from the bar it sound like they handed it off to the server the man who made it artisanal yeah tier tier he walked it over yeah and I was like on a platter it uh had to have right been holding it no it was uh it was pretty classy yeah it was so Rob when you drank did you ever drink martinis no it's a move it is it's what James Bond always did yeah you know now I get them with a lemon twist and an orange twist I invented that oh okay Citrus combo kind of like an Arnold Palmer of uh martinis I'm starving I think that's why I want a martini yeah that save off oh man I'm really starting on one I want too we got to stop talking about it my nose feels really empty like painfully empty this is where my codependence starts kicking in um have you taken Aaron to Cara yeah okay I have been we almost went yesterday but we ended up going to your place we're not saying where it is because I've decided I'm not giving all my spots away yeah and you don't want to to stand in line to go to place you but it was it was great it was delicious it was we got there four minutes before open and um I mean you walk in just partying 356 why is that so funny exactly when we got only ones there we beat the bartender and then would you want to hear my highlight of his visit yes there's been so many we've watched so much Olympics and we've worked out a bunch and we've been in the pool every night watching Olympics which has been so special and sa um very great visit but um last night we watched Johnny Hustle the Pete Rose documentary on HBO um I had flagged it a couple weeks ago I would something I would watch but then I thought oh Aaron's coming and he's a baseball junkie so we'll save it and um we're enjoying the hell out of it we watched two episodes last night but we had our best laugh of the yeah we had the pause pause it laugh for 10 full minutes maybe where my stomach hurt cuz he had and I say this with great respect to Pete Rose he's the stat machine maybe the best to ever play yes he always had the very worst haircut imaginable where like it's insane how bad the haircuts were and they're flashing back to 1974 then 1976 his hair his his styles changing but every time 2006 I mean you would you wouldn't believe the same haircut or it's different version is he keeps doing a different one and all of them are a miss a major Miss and he's got great hair to work with say is hair problem tons of hair too I mean crazy amount of hair yeah so this evolved he's famous for driving rolls-royces and stuff and we were pretending someone said like uh P you got you got to spend more than $5 on a hair he no I'm not I I spend $5 I cut the front and then someone else cuts the back and once we figured out that he was cutting the front made more that's what was going on and once you realize that did explain exactly what was up about all of his haird it looked like someone different cut the front than the back my so then we decided he cut the front I cut the front I can see it and then I pay the guy in the locker room $5 he cuts the back oh my God were we Off to the Races with that if you're looking at his haircut while that realization is happening it was uh Transcendent yeah that's fun it's a real it's real fun I wonder if he was doing some identity stuff like you do which is that you have all this fancy but you want to remain like a man of the people well it I don't think that was his motivation there's no way for us to know no they they showed he's not dead they he's 8 he's 81 in the dock but that was 22 so he's probably 83 they showed they showed him as a young young man um before the rolls-royces before the the paydays but I mean maybe but no that's what I'm saying exactly like I'm still me I see yes yes yes well it was a major ding- ding ding because I've given myself like three or four haircuts in the last six days so I happen to be personally on a tear of cutting my hair maybe that's why it occurred to me he's cutting the front of his hair interesting because just yesterday I was like I got to cut the back like I got you did some more Lines no I just I had done lines a few days ago on my sides and then I didn't touch the back and then every time I'm working out I get these glimpses of the back of my hair is a little too long so then I got the two mirrors out yesterday and got the Clippers and I actually did the back got it I've been in there every time I go in front of the mirror for the last four or five days I'm I'm in there with the scissors I do I do I see one little spot and I'm I'm all over it I did a bit of trimming um this morning when the Sun hits the mirror and I'm look and I'm like what the um what's the what's happening well okay this started with I finally pulled the trigger on my it was getting so out of control I know it's the age and the whatever like my chest hair is like a foot long all of a sudden and that's the change the hair starts getting longer and longer yeah wild have you notice your armpit hair at any point being like long I shaved it here y I just started oh no it's yes it's a foot long that just occurred like 6 months I'm like I pull some arm hair down I go what the why I'm so glad yes I could have braided it so I'm like Jesus Christ I'm so glad we're talking about this because I'm I I feel like half of my life now is maintaining myself I cut my toenails this morning I'm so sick of the I just cut my toenails in my fingernail I feel like I just did it and then I'm shaving the back of my neck cuz that hair is popping out I'm trimming my armpit being a woman exactly what I felt like this is what it our whole lives are about it's endless and it's like this ocean it's just coming and coming and coming it's not going to stop we had a session Ruthie night out on the patio and um I was trying to do my intention was to let her clean up some uh some areas some patches that you know really are looking ridiculous so she did and then she got went back to reading her book maybe and I was like well you know I have these trimmers and um so I'm like let me just put a guard on and chop a couple inches off of this chest haar we'll start there right and um before I knew it I had shaved down bare chested and and I was like well this is crazy and um oh my God yeah this got so wild i w I couldn't stop staring at myself in the mirror and I was like were you feeling sexy very I was like I was like yeah like my nipples were real hard and um and um that was like very hard and um oh my god wow so the best part of this and know she'll kill me but I've told some people already the best part of this yeah it's fine um we were uh having a love making session and um and at some Point she goes Are you seriously staring at your own chest right now cuz I stopped I stopped a mid pump and I was looking at myself in a mirror in a mirror just down at myself oh my God that's great oh my God that's great that's great yeah it's great it's all grown it's all oh yeah turns out comes back pretty quickly a couple hours um why don't you get it lasered if you like it so much um I don't like it that much I think it's very strange I look um this is the thing about perverted things and I relate to him so much they're really great just cuz they're novel they wear off really quick like you might be staring at that and sexy right and you might be staring at spraying for a couple days and then you look at it one time and you're like I look ridiculous and it's the fantasyy is completely over thank you yeah that's what happens right totally mhm like I remember one time shaving all of my pubic hair off in same thing I looked in the mirror I was like oh my God this is so exciting I'm like a porn star and then 4 days later I'm like I look that looks ridiculous and gross and it turned D but the excitement of something new happening down there with that all that old equipment I'm telling you just tell me about it wow oh man nothing wrong with a little excitement now and then sure I want to do some facts okay okay okay so the Mormon Church we're talking about how they separate men and women for a part of it and I asked someone we know who is familiar with the Mormon church I'm I got current information about what happens in church cuz she said I don't know if this still happens that way and that's why I wanted to make sure church is now 2 hours cut down from three twice a month the women go to Relief Society the men go to Elders Quorum and then the alternate weeks they are in Sunday school called gospel Doctrine which is men and women primaries for ages 3 to 11 it's every week youth is 12 to 18 they follow a similar schedule to the grown-ups where they alternate with Sunday school one week and then the next are split to go to young men plus young women's so they alternate it sounds like they're phasing it in because they alternate because the last hour yeah mhm so it is I guess it is still broken up but also there's more mixing right it's changing mhm was three which look I applaud that's one of my complaints about religion is they get it gets locked in and there's just no yeah Evolution oh I wonder what Aaron's inogram is I don't know him well enough not I know Aaron well enough I don't know anagrams well well but we have to take the test oh okay H should we try sure how long is the test it's fast okay okay Aaron you're going to answer this okay it's I'm going to say something and you're going to tell me inaccurate to accurate but it's one two three it's one to five one being inaccurate five being accurate so you can do your little toggle okay I strive for Perfection two okay I work hard to be helpful to others three it is important to can I just say really quick I'm already having the sensation I have when you and I take these tests or if I were to take one with Kristen and I'm just listening because of course I know Aaron so well so it's just very like tempting to want to weigh yeah exactly exactly well you you can weigh in but I want always to hear aon's answer first course of course okay it is important to me that other people like me five it is important to me to achieve great things three I make more significant contributions than the average person two I feel my emotions vary I feel my emotions very deeply five 100 I have a sense I have a sense that other people will never truly understand me five a is that excluding me yes it is actually what about me um I think deeply about things five I am prepared for any disaster to I like to be around people who I can help three three let I told you I'm I'm sorry that was the only one I was I had to do it on I like to feel that I'm an important person in my social groups five I seek excitement three 20 really no I was going to say I was going to say four yeah four I he just told me let me just say something okay we were just chatting and he he's been driving Uber right mhm oh yeah and he's like ideally my route takes me deep downtown where no one will pick people up that's my favorite and I'm like duh that's why I want to work at 7-Eleven yeah but is that a you're excitement seeking I think it's arousal seeking yeah maybe arousal though is more but he said four and I'm I I I told the story on here where he picked up a guy wearing a ski mask and he let him get in the car he drove to work like someone to me that's really looking for some excc found out more about the ski mask oh cuz i' after that I I see that and um and it's it's like a it's a sty it's a fashion thing yeah yeah yeah I mean it's insane to get in some car with the full ski mask on you're asking for summer a lot of good faith yeah you definitely are holding a pistol in a bagg with a dollar a dollar sign on it a dollar sign tell me to step on it okay ready we have like a few more pages a few more pages okay I'm good at seeing the bright side of things when others complain four I like to do things as I've always done them [Laughter] four I'm sorry it's pause i' I I do it is funny answering this now and maybe what I would have answered a year ago even but um I know that's what hard about this test but I think I'm really trying to answer now it's very hard to not think what have what have I always been like I know that is the struggle because you're like well 95% of my life I was this way so if we're trying to find out who I really am it's maybe that but actually you're trying to find out what number you are today not really am is nothing TR truly your context dependent I want people to admire me five I want to achieve a lot in my life really quick does anyone answer one till I want people to admire me it seems like such a primal desire could anyone I think some people don't care about that yeah I guess the non the word admire specific approval Seekers I want to achieve a lot in my life five oh okay and what month were you born July baby is it June or July July okay we interviewed a j2c today July 2nd you did yeah your birthday that was fun for me was it it was because I didn't always have the same number as you but only one time in those 100 questions were we on opposite sides of three oh that's interes that makes sense like I was always in the same Zone as you were yeah yeah that was fun interesting okay you ready yes ready you're a seven that's the Enthusiast it says sevens are defined by their desire to experiencing everything good and pleasurable that the world has to offer while avoiding pain bedom and limitations although sevens appear enthusiastic and funloving deep down they have a fear of getting stuck in negative emotions let's see about your wings that's pretty good okay so you have a six wi sixes are loyal responsible and safety conscious people who want to make the world safe and secure for the people they care about at their core Their Fear is not being able to survive on their own so they rely on people institutions and beliefs to provide them with support while also being deeply skeptical and wary of those who may not deserve their trust it takes some time to put their trust into someone or something but when they do they are exceedingly loyal um that is it all adding up you're very loyal to to a fault one might argue no yes it is adding up exciting thank you so Aaron's a seven Ohad I liked that we got to learn about Aaron oh seven was that all on jul seven got it's got to be it's 4 hours later well sometimes you have to take I wasn't that wasn't a complaint I enjoyed it what is your fourwing coming out now your three shut up shut shut up let me see if I shut your ass shut your ass your teeth is showing I think mine oh my God what if you took the test right now I got scared that it wasn't going to work work and by the way it was it wasn't going to work it made me yeah that was stressful when you were waiting for the results I en I enjoyed that cuz it it was tricky it was tricky to yeah to go with who you are today who you've been like your whole life that's really the hard part yeah it's like you're trying to figure out if they're trying to evaluate your disposition or your current state right well love you guys love you m even loyalty I've talked about this a lot on here but loyalty was a very important thing when my behavior was worse yeah and now that my behavior is not that bad and you don't have to like put up with a lot to be friends with me it doesn't matter as much to me I don't really think about it like I used to loyalty was number one for a long time you were the first one to really to tell me it was getting so were how can I not be loyal to these friends yeah and there was that thing and you're kind of bound together by the other people also need loyalty cuz they too are you over pretty often yeah yeah yeah yeah it was a it was uh really hard to figure out and then um and now it just yeah makes a lot more sense it would be like eighth on my list of someone I want to be friends with I don't even know if it would even come up now and it used to be probably top two definitely all right sorry Monica we were in ending it uh love you love you guys love you [Music]