Amy Weaver '23P 2023 Graduate Commencement Address

- Good morning. President Helble, trustees, faculty, families, and most of all, the Lehigh masters and doctoral classes of 2023. It is such an honor to join you today. It has been an extraordinary privilege to serve on your board of trustees and to be welcomed so warmly into your Lehigh family. This weekend, I am also especially thrilled to be here as a Lehigh parent as our son Matthew will graduate tomorrow as a very proud Mountain Hawk. Yes. (audience applauding) Over the past few years, our family, like you, has come to live by four words; Go Lehigh, Be Lafayette. Graduates, after all of the work, all the research, all the late nights, all the exams, you did it. For the rest of your life, you'll carry a distinction that will set you apart, a graduate degree from Lehigh University. In the years ahead, you'll find yourself in positions of power and influence. You will lead teams, shepherd communities, run universities, laboratories, classrooms, and companies, and start new ones. And as you do, you will surely draw on the qualities that define a leader; confidence, decisiveness, fearlessness, resourcefulness, resilience, and so many others. Today I want to encourage you to also embrace another quality of leadership, one that I believe is too often ignored but which will be absolutely essential to your success, kindness. For too long, kindness has been seen as a weakness in the workplace. Think of the attributes often celebrated in supposedly great leaders, an iron hand, restlessness or ruthlessness, a killer instinct. One popular podcast even had a segment comparing executive leadership traits positively to those of psychopaths. And in some quarters, especially Silicon Valley, we have been told we have to tolerate the brilliant jerk. These attitudes have shaped how we think about work. It's dog eat dog world, we're told. Only the strong survive. Win at all costs. Being nice has even been hurled as an insult to both men and women. Who hasn't heard, nice guys finish last? Or to borrow the title of a book someone gave me years ago, "Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office". I've seen these attitudes in my own career. When preparing for a hard negotiation years ago, I was told by a senior colleague, "Amy, nice isn't going to cut it." He told me to march into the room, lay down the law, and start swearing. Another time I received a call from the COO of a major company. The executive was interviewing one of my former colleagues, a young woman, and wanted to reference. The young woman was bright, hardworking and excellent at her job. She was also soft spoken and unfailingly polite. "I only have one question," the COO said to me, "Is she too nice for this job?" Graduates, I'm here to tell you that kindness is not a weakness in the workplace. It's a strength. Real leadership is not the ability to dominate and control others. It's the ability to bring people together across any differences, to get things done, to build, to create. And that takes many qualities including kindness. Treating people with respect, civility, decency, carrying yourself with humility and honesty, leading with gratitude and empathy. In your careers, you'll certainly encounter people who take a well, different approach. You'll deal with your share of brilliant jerks. A few years ago after I wrote an article about civility at work, one reader responded that I didn't get it because sometimes you have to fire people and some people need a kick in the butt. Go online and you'll find articles like The Problem with Being Too Nice or Seven Reasons Why Your Niceness is Dangerous. But here's what these critics don't understand, yes, when you manage people sometimes you have to give tough feedback. Yes, in any workplace there will be disagreements. And yes, sometimes you have to fire people. It's never easy but in every case, I promise you it will be better for you and the person on the other end when you do your job with kindness. Now, no company or person is perfect, we all make mistakes. We all have to strive to be better as individuals, as organizations because it's the right thing to do. It's also the smart thing to do. You see, there's nothing soft about being kind. In fact, there's a business case for kindness. When you treat people in your organization with kindness and respect, your people are happier, less likely to burn out, less likely to leave. They're more productive, more creative, and more innovative. And we need this spirit more now than ever before because in this new world that you're heading into, this powerful and rapidly advancing new age of artificial intelligence, when more of our interactions and communications will be generated by machines, we face a fundamental question, what does it mean to be human? Well, one of the things that makes us human that we can't afford to lose is the compassion with which we treat each other. So today, I'm not simply urging you to make kindness one of your guiding principles. I'm encouraging you to lead with kindness. So what do I mean? First, leading with kindness means making time for others. As I reflect on my career, my biggest regrets aren't over transactions, acquisitions or big deals that may have gone sideways. My biggest regrets are the times when I was so busy, so focused on my own priorities that I failed to make time for others when they needed me most. A colleague needing advice, a former colleague who had been laid off who wanted to talk. And I know how much that means because I was there once too. Earlier in my career, I was in a job that simply wasn't going well in so many ways. Decided to leave the company without anything else lined up, I felt like I had failed. But what lifted me back up was the kindness of other people who reached out, nudged me forward, helped me find that next opportunity. Make that time for others. Leading with kindness also means remembering who you are at your best, you're most authentic. So when my colleague told me to march into that negotiation, lay down the law and start cursing, I guarantee you, if I had done that, everyone in the room simply would've burst out laughing. I would've looked and felt ridiculous because it wasn't authentic, it just wasn't me. So I reminded my colleague, in every meeting he'd ever sent me to that I'd gotten him the results he wanted using my own strengths, not his or anyone else's. Don't let anyone tell you you can't be who you are or that you can't be kind. Leading with kindness means being honest. One of the hardest things that you'll have to do in your career is give someone feedback when their performance is not up to par. It's tempting and easy to sugarcoat it and I've done that many times myself. I thought I was protecting them from bad news, I thought I was being nice. In fact, I was doing the opposite. I was denying them the honest feedback they needed to do their job, to get better. I was putting them in a worse position which was not nice. Whether you're giving feedback to someone on your team, breaking hard news or mentoring the next generation, don't ever believe you have to choose between being honest and being kind. We can and must do both. Leading with kindness also means insisting on kindness in others. So several years ago, lawyers on my team were negotiating against a lawyer from one of the nation's top law firms. He was brilliant. He was also a jerk. He was rude, obstructionist, belittling, especially towards the female lawyers on my team. So months later, when that same law firm, which is a world class firm, made a pitch to represent us, I had the one word answer, no. I didn't care if they might be technically outstanding. I refuse to be represented by a firm that would tolerate such a bully. Let me be clear, you can be a zealous advocate, committed, tenacious, highly effective, and be civil and decent. Every single one of us can stand up and demand the kindness we want to see in the workplace because it's time to end the era of the brilliant jerk and it's time to start rewarding and celebrating and promoting people who treat their colleagues with decency and respect. Because yes, nice guys and nice girls should get the corner office. Leading with kindness can also be a small act. When I was first announced as President and Chief Financial Officer at Salesforce, moving directly from the chief legal officer role, I was incredibly excited. It was also terrifying and hard. I was a lawyer, unlike many of you, I never went to business school. I felt at times like the walking definition of imposter syndrome. Analysts and the media were scratching their heads. Some publicly questioned my selection as non-traditional or unconventional. Those were the polite ones. But one of the things that inspired me was that so many people reached out with messages of support including an employee in India who I'd never even met. Every day I would open up my laptop and find that she had sent me a new message. Messages like I have no idea what kind of week you're having or what kind of noise you're hearing from any doubters or naysayers, I simply want you to know that I'm over here cheering you on. Remember how amazing you already are and that you've got this. She sent me a message like this every single day for two months. Never underestimate the power of even the smallest act of kindness, even if it's for someone you've never met on the other side of the world. Finally, and if you remember nothing else I say today, I hope you will remember this. Leading with kindness means being kind to yourself which can be the hardest thing to do. As a Lehigh graduate, you're already leaders in your field and as you rise through the ranks of your professions, the pressures will only grow. In theory, you could work all the time. But if you do, and take my word for it, you will burn out. You'll lose the very spirit, the optimism, the camaraderie you feel today. Because when we're self-absorbed and tired and stressed in our own life, we cannot be civil and kind and decent to others and theirs. So even as you are relentless and passionate in your work, take care of yourself. Take breaks, take a breath, eat right, exercise, go for a walk, a run, a hike, meditate, pray, whatever helps you stay centered and clearheaded. Get sleep, lots and lots of sleep, more than you think you need, more than you think you have time for because when you get more sleep, you make better decisions for everyone. Have a purpose beyond yourself, volunteer, give back to your community and those in need. And perhaps most of all, and this one is tough, learn to close the laptop and put down your phone. Spend time with family and friends, the relationships that sustain you and make you who you are. Do this, be kind to yourself and to others and I guarantee you, there may come a day when you are doubting yourself or the path you're on and you'll receive a message maybe like me from someone you've never met, and it will say, I simply want you to know that I'm over here cheering you on. Just remember how amazing you already are and that you've got this. Thank you so much. Congratulations graduate class of 2023. Now get on out there and kill 'em with kindness. (audience applauding)