Borderlands Cast Knows Better

tar was written and directed by Todd field and stars Kate Blanchett and centers around Lydia tar a woman considered to be one of the greatest living composers and first female Chief conductors of a major German Orchestra to say that tar is a good movie is like saying water is wet it's like saying that Todd is field tar is soing good that I had to Google like three times that this woman was entirely a work of fiction the detail beneath the surface of its lead performance is so beautifully meticulous and its complex mented by equally sharp detail above the surface with every shot and every single item placement and the blocking it just felt so real it's human in some of the most quietly devastating and outright hilarious ways I've seen depicted in film in the last few years not only on the surface but beneath it a vacuum of nothingness is what exists below and above the surface of Borderlands Kate Blanchett is the lead of Borderlands Eli Roth is a person who I'm very familiar with from Cabin Fever to hos to Green Inferno and his latest film Borderlands sees him returning to his roots of offensive torture porn Borderlands is a movie that should not exist or if it did it should be the centerpiece of a movie about a fake movie that no one gives a [ __ ] about Tropic Thunder was directed by and stars Ben Stiller Robert dowy Jr and Jack Black amongst a ton of others and is a farce on Hollywood so biting it's cannibalistic but somehow this movie remains among the greatest modern comedies for me the performances in tropic Thunder also are full of energy satire and not an ounce of nuance Tropic Thunder succeeds because it's operating at such a high level of status and Fame yet decides to boldly spit in its own face and make a mockery of movie stars to the praise of everybody who is me Tom Cruz somehow crushes and stands out as one of the most well-executed cameos in modern movies period [ __ ] Valley first thing I'm doing is paying my two bucks so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry on a sweet little mama son dinky dang ah I [ __ ] hate movies Tropic Thunder Makes a mockery of its movie stars Borderlands is a mockery of movie stars Borderlands as a game series I was never that interested in because I don't really like looter Shooters but a movie version could have succeeded I guess especially if you lean into that gory profane chaos of its gameplay Loop you got Eli Roth after all but then they were made to trim it down to a PG-13 rating is what I've heard which was a bad choice for reasons first the game is so old that the modern audience and fandom of Borderlands is aged up to go see an R-rated movie they're not putting Borderlands in fortnite it's its own game from a long time ago yes the third one came out a couple years ago but any fans of Borderlands are older you got to admit that can we just make a rule where if a game is M the movie should be allowed to or be encouraged to get an R rating and be made with the same constraints as an M rating if you really want to capture that magic of the video game and deliver a faithful Recreation for Mario yeah PG or G but for Max Payne for Max Payne 3 dude for Max Payne movie you're going to do PG-13 [ __ ] whatever but not to say that PG-13 action movies can't absolutely slap and deliver Borderlands could have love and monsters is one of the most underrated and fun movies released during the thick of the pandemic back in 2020 directed by Michael Matthews and starring Dylan O'Brien and Ariana greenblat amongst a bunch of others love and monsters is a love story set in a world years after what the movie calls the monster apocalypse it's fun it's clever it's Earnest the monsters are all cartoony but relatively grounded in the world of the movie as threats to Our Heroes the monsters in Borderlands are sort of like the ones in love and monsters but there's less of them and they are way shittier and lack any personality whatsoever just like how all of Borderland is I [ __ ] hate movies I really can't see any fun qualities in this movie unless I were talking about it with a 13-year-old boy much like how Max Payne was for me when I was a 13-year-old boy all right [ __ ] it Max Payne is better than Borderlands Max Payne was directed by John Moore and stars no no I'm not Kevin Hart is playing some Hollow version of himself in too many things Borderlands is one of too many things he is absolutely fine in the movie but the casting is bizarre across the board he is a cardboard cutout in Borderlands just move forward amicably okay well check this out first of all you throwing too many big words at me okay now because I don't understand them I'm going to take him as disrespect watch your mouth and help me with the sale and so is everyone else including people like Knives Out was written and directed by Ryan Johnson and stars Jam Lee Curtis and a billion other people what begins as an older School Orient Express style murder mystery morphs into a deconstruction of Murder Mysteries and added a much needed extra life to Johnson's career reputation post The Last Jedi backlash Florian montino sorry you play C in Borderlands you haven't done a whole lot of stuff and you were pretty good in this I think it's awesome I think you're getting work man I think you were great in Changi in that fight on the train I do remember you in that and it was lovely listen this bit I'm doing aside everyone in this movie knows better this movie shouldn't have happened it's sat on a shelf for a couple years the culture changed everything changed was made by dumb people making dumb decisions Kate Blanchett is in Borderlands Borderlands is now a Kate Blanchet movie and she's in tons of it dude I thought she was just going to be one of the people like Gina Gerson who's in it for a brief scene by the way go see Killer Joe she's great in that yeah this movie sucks um no cares about it I think that's why I don't even really want to I didn't really want to talk about it so there's a bunch of movies if you happen to have not seen them before go watch those movies instead of this movie and uh keep your respect for these Stars you you can't do what I do