The Handmaid’s Tale Chapter 46: Offred’s Uncertain Fate (Complete)

chapter 46 I sit in my room at the window waiting in my lap is a handful of crumpled Stars this could be the last time I have to wait but I don't know what I'm waiting for what are you waiting for they used to say that meant hurry up no answer was expected for what are you waiting is a different question and I have no answer for that one either yet it isn't waiting exactly it's more like a form of suspension without suspense at last there is no time I am in disgrace which is the opposite of Grace I ought to feel worse about it but I feel Serene at peace pervaded with indifference don't let the bastards grind you down I repeat this to myself but it conveys nothing you might as well say don't let there be air or don't be I suppose you could say that there's nobody in the garden I wonder if it will rain outside the light is fading it's reddish already soon it will be dark right now it's darker that didn't take long there are a number of things I could do I could set fire to the house for instance I could bundle up some of my clothes and the sheets and strike my one hidden match if it didn't catch that would be that but if it did there would at least be an event a signal of some kind to mark my exit a few Flames easily put out in the meantime I could let loose clouds of smoke and die by suffocation I could tear my bed sheet into strips and twist it into a rope of sorts and tie one end to the leg of my bed and try to break the window which is shatterproof I could go to the commander fall on the floor my hair disheveled as they say grab him around the knees confess weep implore no bastardes carborundorum I could say not a prayer I visualize his shoes black well shined impenetrable keeping their own counsel instead I could noose the bed sheet round my neck hook myself up in the closet throw my weight forward choke myself off I could hide behind the door wait until she comes hobbles along the hall bearing whatever sentence Penance punishment jump out at her knock her down kick her sharply and accurately in the head to put her out of her misery and myself as well to put her out of our misery it would save time I could walk at a steady Pace down the stairs and out the front door and along the street trying to look as if I knew where I was going and see how far I could get red is so visible I could go to Nick's room over the garage as we have done before I could Wonder whether or not he would let me in Give Me Shelter now that the need is real I consider these things idly each one of them seems the same size as all the others not one seems preferable fatigue is here in my body in my legs and eyes that is what gets you in the end faith is only a word embroidered I look out at the Dusk and think about it's being winter the snow falling gently effortlessly covering everything in soft Crystal The Mist Of Moonlight before a rain blurring the outlines obliterating color freezing to death is painless they say after the first chill you lie back in the snow like an angel made by children and go to sleep behind me I feel her presence my ancestors mistress my double turning in midair under the chandelier in her costume of stars and Feathers a bird stopped in Flight a woman made into an angel waiting to be found by me this time how could I have believed I was alone in here there were always two of us get it over she says I'm tired of this melodrama I'm tired of keeping silent there's no one you can protect your life has value to no one I want it finished as I'm standing up I hear the black van I hear it before I see it blended with the Twilight it appears out of its own sound like a solidification a clotting of the night it turns into the driveway stops I can just make out the white eye the two Wings the paint must be phosphorescent two men detach themselves from the shape of it come up the front steps ring the bell I hear the Bell tall ding dong like the ghost of a Cosmetics woman down in the hall worse is coming then I've been wasting my time I should have taken things into my own hands while I had the chance I should have stolen a knife from the kitchen found some way to the sewing scissors there were the garden shears the knitting needles the world is full of weapons if you're looking for them I should have paid attention but it's too late to think about that now already their feet are on the dusty rose carpeting of the stairs a heavy muted tread pulse in the forehead my backs to the window I expect a stranger but it's Nick who pushes open the door flicks on the light I can't place that unless he's one of them there was always that possibility Nick the private eye dirty work is done by dirty people you I think I open my mouth to say it but he comes over close to me Whispers it's all right it's Mayday go with him he calls me by my real name why should this mean anything them I say I see the two men standing behind him the over had light in the hallway making skulls of their heads you must be crazy my suspicion hovers in the air above him a dark angel warning me away I can almost see it why shouldn't he know about Mayday all the eyes must know about it they'll have squeezed it crushed it twisted it out of enough bodies enough mouths by now trust me he says which in itself has never been a Talisman carries no guarantee but I snatch at it this offer it's all I'm left with one in front one behind they escort me down the stairs the pace is leisurely the lights are on despite the fear how ordinary it is from here I can see the clock it's no time in particular Nick is no longer with us he may have gone down The Back Stairs not wishing to be seen Serena Joy stands in the hallway under the mirror looking up incredulous the commander is behind her the sitting room door is open his hair is very gray he looks worried and helpless but already withdrawing from me distancing himself whatever else I am to him I am also at this point a disaster no doubt they've been having a fight about me no doubt she's been giving him hell I still have it in me to feel sorry for him Moira is right I am a wimp what has she done says Serena Joy she wasn't the one who called them then whatever she had in store for me it was more private we can't say ma'am says the one in front of me sorry I need to see your authorization says the commander you have a warrant I could scream now cling to the banister relinquish dignity I could stop them at least for a moment if they're real they'll stay if not they'll run away leaving me here not that we need one sir but all is an order says the first one again violation of State Secrets the commander puts his hand to his head what have I been saying and to whom and which one of his enemies has found out possibly he will be a security risk now I am above him looking down he is shrinking there have already been purges among them there will be more Serena Joy goes white she says after all he did for you cor and Rita press through from the kitchen Kora has begun to cry I was her hope I've failed her now she will always be childless the van waits in the driveway its double doors stand open the two of them one on either side now take me by the elbows to help me in whether this is my end or a new beginning I have no way of knowing I have given myself over into the hands of strangers because it can't be helped and so I step up into the darkness with within or else the light Historical Notes Historical Notes on The handmaid's Tale being a partial transcript of the proceedings of the 12th Symposium on Gile Adan studies held as part of the international historical Association Convention held at the University of Deni none of it on June 25th 2195 chair Professor Maryanne Crescent Moon Department of Caucasian anthropology University of Deni none of it keynote speaker Professor James Darcy picoto director 20th and 21st century archives Cambridge University England Crescent Moon I am delighted to welcome you all here this morning and I'm pleased to see that so many of you have turned out for Professor peoto I am sure fascinating and worthwhile talk we of the gilean research Association believe that this period Well repays further study responsible as It ultimately was for redrawing the map of the world especially in this hemisphere but before we proceeded a few announcements the fishing Expedition will go forward tomorrow as planned and for those of you who have not brought suitable rain gear and insect repellent these are available for a nominal charge at the registration desk the nature walk and outdoor period costume sing song have been rescheduled for the day after tomorrow as we are assured by our own infallible Professor Johnny Running Dog of a break in the weather at that time let me remind you of the other events sponsored by the gilean research Association that are available to you at this convention as part of our 12th Symposium tomorrow afternoon professor gopal chutery of the Department of Western philosophy University of Baroda India will speak on Krishna and K elements in the state religion of the early Gilead period and there is a morning presentation on Thursday by Professor Zinda vanban from the Department of military history at the University of San Antonio Republic of Texas Professor van buuran will give what I am sure will be a fact fascinating Illustrated lecture on the Warsaw tactic policies of urban core encirclement in the gileadi and Civil Wars I am sure all of us will wish to attend these I must also remind our keynote speaker although I am sure it is not necessary to keep within his time period as we wish to leave space for questions and I expect none of us wants to miss lunch as happened yesterday laughter professor pesoto scarcely needs any introduction as he is well known to all of us if not personally then through his extensive Publications these include sumptuary laws Through the Ages an analysis of documents and the well-known study Iran and Gilead two late 20th century monoth theocracies as seen through Diaries as you all know he is the co-editor with Professor notle Wade also of Cambridge of the manuscript under consideration today and was instrumental in its transcription annotation and publication the title of his talk is problems of authentication in reference to the handmaid's tale Professor pisho Applause pisho thank you I am sure we all enjoyed our Charming Arctic char last night at dinner and now we are enjoying an equally Charming Arctic chair I use the word enjoy and two distinct senses precluding of course the obsolete third laughter but let me be serious I wish as the title of my little chat implies to consider some of the problems associated with the suad desant manuscript which is well known to all of you by now and which goes by the title of the handmaid's tale I say SW because what we have before us is not the item in its original form strictly speaking it was not a manuscript at all when first discovered and bore no title the superscription the handmaid's tale was appended to it by Professor Wade partly an homage to the great Jeffrey choser but those of you who know Professor Wade informally as I do will understand when I say that I'm sure all puns were intentional particularly that having to do with the archaic vulgar signification of the word tail that being to some extent the bone as it were of contention in that phase of gileadi and Society of which our Saga treats laughter Applause this item I hesitate to use the word document was Unearthed on the site of what was once the city of Bangor in what at the time prior to the Inception of the Gil Adan regime would have been the state of Maine we know that this city was a prominent Way Station on what our author refers to as the underground female Road since dubbed by some of our historical Wags The Underground frail Road laughter groans for this reason our association has taken a particular interest in it the item and its pristine State consisted of a metal Foot Locker US Army issue Circa perhaps 1955 this fact of itself need have no significance as it is known that such Foot Lockers were frequently sold as Army Surplus and must therefore have been widespread within this Foot Locker which was sealed with tape of the kind once used on packages to be sent by post were approximately 30 tape cassettes of the type that became obsolete sometime in the 80s or 90s with the Advent of the compact disc I remind you that this was not the first such Discovery you are doubtless familiar for instance with the item known as the ab Memoirs located in a garage in a suburb of Seattle and with the Diary of P excavated by accident during the erection of a new meeting house in the vicinity of what was once Syracuse New York Professor Wade and I were very excited by this new discovery luckily we had several years before with the aid of our excellent resident antiquarian technician reconstructed a machine capable of playing such tapes and we immediately set about the painstaking work of transcription there were some 30 tapes in the collection altogether with varying proportions of music to spoken word in general each tape begins with two or three songs as camouflage no doubt then the music is broken off and and the speaking voice takes over the voice is a woman's and according to our voice print experts the same one throughout the labels on the cassettes were authentic period labels dating of course from some time before the Inception of the early Gilead era as all such secular music was banned under the regime there were for instance four tapes entitled Elvis Presley's Golden Years three of folk songs of Lithuania three of Boy George takes it off and two of mantovani's mellow strings as well as some titles that sported a mere single tape each Twisted Sisters at Carnegie Hall is one of which I am particularly fond although the labels were authentic they were not always appended to the tape with the corresponding songs in addition the tapes were arranged in no particular order being loose at the bottom of the locker nor were they numbered thus it was up to Professor Wade and myself to arrange the blocks of speech in the order in which they appeared to go but as I have said elsewhere all such arrangements are based on some guesswork and are to be regarded as approximate pending further research once we had the transcription in hand and we had to go over it several times owing to the difficulties posed by accent obscure reference and archaisms we had to make some decision as to the nature of the material we had thus so laboriously acquired several possibilities confronted us first the tapes might be a forgery as you know there have been several instances of such forgeries for which Publishers have paid large sums wishing to trade no doubt on the sensationalism of such stories it appears that certain periods of History quickly become both for other societies and for those that follow them the stuff have not especially edifying Legend and the occasion for a good deal of hypocritical self- congratulation if I may be permitted an editorial aside allow me to say that in my opinion we must be cautious about passing moral judgment upon the Gile adans surely we have learned by now that such judgments are of necessity culture specific also gilean Society was under a good deal of pressure demographic and otherwise and was subject to factors from which we ourselves are happily more free our job J is not to censure but to understand Applause to return from my digression tape like this however is very difficult to fake convincingly and we were assured by the experts who examined them that the physical objects themselves are genuine certainly the recording itself that is the superimposition of voice upon music tape could not have been done within the past 150 years supposing then the tapes to be genuine what if the nature of the account itself obviously it could not have been recorded during the period of time it recounts since if the author is telling the truth no machine or tapes would have been available to her nor would she have had a place of concealment for them also there is a certain reflective quality about the narrative that would to my mind rule out synchronicity it has a whiff of emotion recollected if not in Tranquility at least post factum if we could establish an identity for the narrator we felt we might be well on the way to an explanation of how this document let me call it that for the sake of brevity came into being to do this we tried two lines of Investigation first we attempted through Oldtown plans of Bangor and other remaining documentation to identify the inhabitants of the house that must have occupied the site of the Discovery at about that time possibly we reasoned this house may have been a safe house on the underground female Road during our period and our author may have been kept hidden in for instance the attic or seller there for some weeks or months during which she would have had the opportunity to make the recordings of course there was nothing to rule out the possibility that the tapes had been moved to the site in question after they had been made we hoped to be able to trace and locate the descendants of the hypothetical occupants whom we hoped might lead us to other material Diaries perhaps or even family anecdotes passed down through the generations unfortunately this Trail LED nowhere possibly these people if they had indeed been a link in the underground chain had been discovered and arrested in which case any documentation referring to them would have been destroyed so we pursued a second line of ATT attack we searched records of the period trying to correlate known historical personages with the individuals who appear in our author's account the surviving records of the time are spotty as the Gile Adan regime was in the habit of wiping its own computers and destroying printouts after various purges and internal upheavals but some printouts remain some indeed were smuggled to England for propaganda use by the various save the women societies of which they were many in the British Isles at that time we held out no hope of tracing the narrator herself directly it was clear from internal evidence that she was among the first wave of women recruited for Reproductive purposes and allotted to those who both required such services and could lay claim to them through their position in the elite the regime created an instant pool of such women by the simple tactic of declaring all second marriages and non-marital Liaisons adulterous arresting the female partners and on the grounds that they were morally unfit confiscating the children they already had who were adopted by childless couples of the upper echelons who were eager for progyny by any means in the middle period this policy was extended to cover all marriages not contracted within the state Church men highly placed in the regime were thus able to pick and choose among women who had demonstrated their reproductive Fitness by having produced one or more healthy children a desirable characteristic in an age of plummeting Caucasian birth rates a phenomenon observable not only in Gilead but in most northern Caucasian societies of the time the reasons for this decline are not altogether clear to us some of the failure to reproduce can undoubtedly be traced to the widespread availability of birth control of various kinds including abortion in the immediate pre Gilead period some infertility then was willed which may account for the differing statistics among Caucasians and non-caucasians but the rest was not need I remind you that this was the age of the r strain syphilis and also of the infamous AIDS epidemic which once they spread to the population at large eliminated many young sexually active people from the reproductive pool still births miscarriages and genetic deformities were widespread and on the increase and this trend has been linked to the various nuclear plant accidents shutdowns and incidents of sabotage that characterized the period as well as to leakages from chemical and biological warfare stockpiles and toxic waste disposal sites of which there were many thousands both legal and illegal in some instances these materials were simply dumped into the sewage system and to the uncontrolled use of chemical insecticides herbicides and other sprays but whatever the cause is the effects were noticeable and the Gilead regime was not the only one to react to them at the time Romania for instance had anticipated Gilead in the80s by banning all forms of birth control imposing compulsory pregnancy tests on the female population and linking promotion and wage increases to fertility the need for what I may call Birth Services was already recognized ized in the preg Gilead period where it was being inadequately met by artificial insemination fertility clinics and the use of surrogate mothers who were hired for the purpose Gilead outlawed the first two as irreligious but legitimized and enforced the third which was considered to have biblical precedents they thus replaced the serial polygamy common in the pre gillad period with the older form of simultaneous polygamy practiced both in in early Old Testament times and in the former state of Utah in the 19th century as we know from the study of history no new system can impose itself upon a previous one without incorporating many of the elements to be found in the latter as witness the Pagan elements in medieval Christianity and the evolution of the Russian KGB from the tarist Secret Service that preceded it and Gilead was no exception to this rule its racist policies for instance were firmly rooted in the preg Gilead period and racist fears provided some of the emotional fuel that allowed the Gilead takeover to succeed as well as it did our author then was one of many and must be seen within the broad outlines of the moment in history of which he was a part but what else do we know about her apart from her age some physical characteristics that could be anyone's and her place of residence not very much she appears to have been an educated woman in so far as a graduate of any North American College of the time may be said to have been educated laughter some groans but the woods as you say were full of these so that is no help she does not see fit to supply us with her original name and indeed all official records of it would have been destroyed upon her entry into the Rachel and Le re-education Center of Fred gives no clue since like of Glenn and of warin it was a patronymic composed of the possessive preposition and the first name of the gentleman in question such names were taken by these women upon their entry into a connection with the household of a specific commander and relinquished by them upon leaving it the other names in the document are equally useless for the purposes of identification and authentication Luke and Nick Drew blanks as did Moira and Janine there is a high probability that these were in any case pseudonyms adopted to protect these individuals should the tapes be discovered if so this would substantiate our view that the tapes were made inside the borders of Gilead rather than outside to be smuggled back for use by the MayDay Underground elimination of the above possibilities left us with one remaining if we could identify the elusive Commander we felt at least some progress would have been made we argued that such a highly placed individual had probably been a participant in the first of the top secret sons of Jacob think tanks at which the philosophy and social structure of Gilead were hammered out these were organized shortly after the recognition of the superpower arms stalemate and the signing of the classified spheres of influence Accord which left the superpowers free to deal unhampered by interference with the growing number of rebellions within their own Empires the official records of the sons of Jacob meetings were destroyed after the middle period Great Purge which discredited and liquidated a number of the original architects of Gilead but we have access to some information through the diary kept in Cipher by Wilfred limpkin one of the sociobiologists present as we know the sociobiological theory of natural polygamy was used as a scientific justification for some of the odder practices of the regime just as Darwinism was used by earlier ideologies from the limpkin material we know that there are two possible candidates that is two whose names incorporate the element Fred Frederick R Waterford and B Frederick Jud no photographs survive of either although Lyin describes the latter as a stuffed shirt and I quote somebody for whom foreplay is what you do on a golf course laughter limkin himself did not long survive the Inception of Gilead and we have his diary only because he foresaw his own end and placed it with his sister sister-in-law in Calgary Waterford and Jud both have characteristics that recommend them to us Waterford possessed a background in market research and was according to liyin responsible for the design of the female costumes and for the suggestion that the handmaids wear red which he seems to have borrowed from the uniforms of German prisoners of war and Canadian P camps of the second World War era he seems to have been the originator of the term partis secution which he lifted from an exercise program popular sometime in the last third of the century the collective rape ceremony however was suggested by an English Village custom of the 17th century salvaging may have been his too although by the time of Gilead's Inception it had spread from its origin in the Philippines to become a general term for the elimination of one's political enemies as I have said elsewhere there was little that was truly original with or indigenous to Gilead its genius was synthesis Jud on the other hand seems to have been less interested in packaging and more concerned with tactics it was he who suggested the use of an obscure CIA pamphlet on the destabilization of foreign governments as a strategic handbook for the sons of Jacob and he too who drew up the early hit lists of prominent Americans of the time he also is suspected of having orchestrated the President Day Massacre which must have required maximum infiltration of the security systems surrounding Congress and without which the Constitution could never have been suspended the national homelands and the Jewish boat person plans were both his as was the idea of privatizing the Jewish repatriation scheme with the result that more than one boat load of Jews was simply dumped into the Atlantic to maximize profits from what we know of Jud this would not have bothered him much he was a hard liner and is credited by Lyin with the remark our big mistake was teaching them to read we won't do that again it is Jud Who is credited with devising the form as opposed to the name of the particicution ceremony arguing that it was not only a particularly horrifying an effective way of ridding yourself of subversive elements but that it would also act as a steam valve for the female elements in Gilead scapegoats have been notoriously useful throughout history and it must have been gratifying for these handmaids so rigidly controlled at other times to be able to tear A Man Apart with their bare hands every once in a while so popular and effective did this practice become that it was regularized in the middle period when it took place four times a year on solstices and equinoxes there are echoes here of the fertility rights of early Earth goddess Cults as we heard at the panel discussion yesterday afternoon Gilead was although undoubtedly patriarchal in form occasionally matriarchal in content like some sectors of the social fabric that gave rise to it as The Architects of Gilead knew to Institute an effective totalitarian system or indeed any system at all you must offer some benefits and freedoms at least to a privileged few in return for those you remove in this connection a few comments upon the crack female control agency known as the aunts is perhaps in order Jud according to the Lyin material was of the opinion from the outset that the best and most cost-effective way to control women for Reproductive and other purposes was through women themselves for this there were many historical precedents in fact no Empire imposed by force or otherwise has ever been without this feature control of the indigenous by members of their own group in the case of Gilead there were many women willing to serve as aunts either because of a genuine belief in what they called Traditional Values or for the benefits they might thereby acquire when power is scarce a little of it is tempting there was too a negative inducement childless or infertile or older women who were not married could take service in the ants and thereby Escape redundancy and consequent shipment to the infamous colonies which were composed of portable populations used mainly as Expendable toxic cleanup squads though if Lucky you could be assigned to less hazardous tasks such as cotton picking and fruit harvesting the idea then was Juds but the implementation has the mark of Waterford upon it who else among the sons of Jacob think tankers would have come up with the notion that the aunts should take names derived from commercial products available to women in the immediate preg gillad period And Thus familiar and reassuring to them the names of cosmetic lines cake mixes frozen desserts and even medicinal remedies it was a brilliant stroke and confirmed IRS us in our opinion that Waterford was in his prime a man of considerable Ingenuity so in his own way was Jud both of these gentlemen were known to have been childless and thus eligible for a succession of handmaids Professor Wade and I have speculated in our joint paper the notion of seed in early Gilead that both like many of the commanders had come in contact with a sterility causing virus that was developed by secret preg gillad genan splicing experiments with mumps and which was intended for insertion into the supply of caviar used by top officials in Moscow the experiment was abandoned after the spheres of influence Accord because the virus was considered too uncontrollable and therefore too dangerous by many although some wished to sprinkle it over India however neither Jud nor Waterford was married to a woman who was or ever had been known either as Pam or as Serena Joy this latter appears to have been a somewhat malicious invention by our author jud's wife's name was Bambi May and waterford's was Thelma the latter had however once worked as a television personality of the type described we know this from Lyin who makes several snide remarks about it the regime itself took pains to cover up such former lapses from Orthodoxy by the spouses of its Elite the evidence on the whole favors Waterford we know for instance that he met his end probably soon after the events our author describes in one of the earliest purges he was accused of liberal Tendencies of being in possession of a substantial and unauthorized collection of heretical pictorial and literary materials and of harboring a subversive this was before the regime began holding its trials in secret and was still televising them so the the events were recorded in England via satellite and are on videotape deposit in our archives the shots of Waterford are not good but they are clear enough to establish that his hair was indeed gray as for the subversive Waterford was accused of harboring this could have been of Fred herself as her flight would have placed her in this category more likely it was Nick who by the evidence of the very existence of the tapes must have helped of Fred to escape the way in which he was able to do this marks him as a member of the shadowy MayDay underground which was not identical with the underground female road but had connections with it the latter was purely a rescue operation the former quasi military a number of Mayday operatives are known to have infiltrated the Gile Adan power structure at the highest levels and the placement of one of their members as chauffeur to Waterford would certainly have been a CP a double coup as Nick must have been at the same time a member of the eyes as such chauffeurs and personal servants often were Waterford would of course have been aware of this but as all highlevel commanders were automatically directors of the eyes he would not have paid a great deal of attention to it and would not have let it interfere with his infraction of what he considered to be minor rules like most early Gilead commanders who were later purged he considered his position to be above attack the style of middle Gilead was more cautious this is our guesswork supposing it to be correct supposing that is that Waterford was indeed the commander many gaps remain some of them could have been filled by our Anonymous author had she had a different Turn of Mind she could have told us much about the workings of the gilean Empire had she had the instincts of a reporter or spy what would we not give now for even 20 Pages or so of print out from waterford's private computer however we must be grateful for any crumbs the goddess of History has dained to vouch safe us as for the ultimate fate of our narrator it remains obscure was she smuggled over the border of Gilead into what was then Canada and did she make her way then to England this would have been wise as the C Ada of that time did not wish to antagonize its powerful neighbor and there were roundups and extraditions of such refugees if so why did she not take her taped narrative with her perhaps her journey was sudden perhaps she feared interception on the other hand she may have been recaptured if she did indeed reach England why did she not make her story public as so many did upon reaching the outside world she may have have feared retaliation against Luke supposing him to have been still alive which is an improbability or even against her daughter for the Gile Adan regime was not above such measures and used them to discourage adverse publicity in foreign countries more than one incautious Refugee was known to receive a hand ear or foot vacuum packed Express hidden in for instance a tin of coffee or perhaps was among those escaped handmaids who had difficulty adjusting to life in the outside world once they got there after the protected existence they had led she may have become like them a recluse we do not know we can only deduce also the motivations for Nick's engineering of her Escape we can assume that once her companion of Glenn's association with Mayday had been discovered he himself was in some Jeopardy for as he well knew as a member of the eyes of Fred herself was certain to be interrogated the penalties for unauthorized sexual activity with a handmaid were severe nor would his status as an eye necessarily protect him Gilead Society was Byzantine in the extreme and any transgression might be used against one by one's Undeclared enemies within the regime he could of course have assassinated her himself which might have been the wiser course but the human heart remains a factor and as we know both of them thought she might be pregnant by him what male of the Gilead period could resist the possibility of fatherhood so rolent of status so highly prized instead he called in a rescue team of eyes who may or may not have been authentic but in any case were under his orders in doing doing so he may well have brought about his own downfall this too we shall never know did our narrator reach the outside world safely and build a new life for herself or was she discovered in her attic Hiding Place arrested sent to the colonies or to Jezebels or even executed our document though in its own way eloquent is on these subjects mute we may call uicy forth from the world of the dead but we cannot make her answer and when we turn to look at her we Glimpse her only for a moment before she slips from our grasp and flees as all historians know the past is a great darkness and filled with Echoes voices May reach us from it but what they say to us is imbued with the obscurity of the Matrix out of which they come and try as we may we cannot always decide for them precisely in the clearer light of our own day Applause are there any questions