Gutfeld! 9/1/24 FULL HD | FOX BREAKING NEWS TRUMP September 1, 2024

peanut Butter's a liquid according to the TSA Tyrus so the TSA tweeted a reminder on Friday quote peanut butter is a liquid we said what we said apparently this is like a they're at their they're at their wits end but then ex users added context saying that according to chemistry peanut butter is a Bingham plastic which is a subset of non- neonian fluids so it's not that Peter peanut butter peanut butter is a liquid it's a freaking plastic RFK Jr is right we're eating plastic what say you doesn't this drive you hold on man I got to drink my peanut butter hold up well look I want to disclose something I am a member of the peanut butter community and there's a huge issue raging through the community many people particularly when they get natural peanut butter where the oil goes to the top mix it up with a spoon and put it in the fridge to solidify when it becomes definitely a solid when it comes back out again it turns into a liquid so what is it the community kicked aside no I'm going to solve govern can't either I'm going to solve this right now you can have a water balloon fight or a peanut butter balloon fight do you want to get wet or do you want a concussion cuz if I hit you with a peanut butter balloon I'm going to knock you out it's a solid this is for Greg the only time peanut butter is a liquid is when you eat too much of it okay there you go Greg happy birthday thank you I I don't think it's it's this black or white if if you get like a jar of Skippy which is like the garbage stuff RFK is warning us about then yeah it's like Rock Solid but if you get the Trader Joe's more organic and natural brand it's liquid but my question is why Skippy has real oil in it but me creamy exactly I don't what the hell is with Skippy about Peter P he works for Disney he's slanging their evil peanut butter get off Skippy wonder why you stay so small I'll take Skippy over Peter Pan any any think Skippy is a boy name I got a tattoo of Skippy right here on my chest how dare you and you know why you know why Peter panda is carrying a knife cuz he needs it to spread the peanut butter because you ever said Skippy in a bad mood never I I say I've heard this okay it raises another important question no one who's taking peanut butter on an airplane saying how was this such a proper debate no yeah protein a lot of times easy to travel than protein yeah no yeah yeah are there any liquids you've had to give up Kevin do you ever wait you don't even fly when was the last time you flew commercial yeah oh yeah oh yeah I should have said I should have rephrased that have you ever flown commercial you know what commercial is it's what US common F BR I bring my liquids with me realize there's a plane where strangers get on do you know that that's a thing yeah you know what remind me later I'm actually Flex right now I'm a community notes contributor I'm going to try to community note that let's see if that works I'm going to say that it's actually a solid and see if I can Community note TSA well I think it I mean I I'm interested in the fact that it's a non neonian fluid cuz then what's a Newtonian fluid the hell you're saying yeah why why is jelly what happened to jell can you why is jelly being left out of this why is butter allowed peanut butter jell the same butter is allowed but peanut butter would be the worst anybody who brings Jam On A Plane wait a second here's the thing about peut butter again going back to the community do you add sugar or not now many Brands including those for mentioned are full of caned sugar very bad what about four yes what about Skippy wait so what do you what do you use you don't use any sugar again the community is split the community split half go for the added sugar which I think is terrible and the other half are purest but that's the stuff that gets really oily cuz all you're doing grinding up peanuts and of course the community doesn't like that what do you do stick it in the fridge we're back to where we started this is see this is fascinating to me our next segment is about jelly have you ever had anything confiscated that is embarrassing when you go through TSA a child a child all right we got to move on I guess I should ask what's TSA you should aspire to be this man not mock him Yes again do not be angry at the rich because they don't have to go through TSA want to be the rich why are we having billionaires on the show anyway so we can use his one billionaire in your neighborhood next you know you got eight of them hanging around property value goes up come on Greg you know what this is who we're robbing after the show everybody hi are you ever in the mood to give robots [Applause] attitude people want to be nice to AI Kevin this is really disturbing so a recent survey finds that 48% of Americans believe artificial intelligence should be spoken to politely and that there should be some form of manners should be used this struck me as as extreme extremely true I was listening to a friend of mine talking to Ai and it was a young female perhaps ethnic voice and he was telling it to stop like when it was giving it going stop and I thought I I felt like he was being rude that means it's over right it's over if we feel that way right now like that we're like we actually are putting feelings into something that's not real this going to take over I don't you know I don't care what they actually is I'm still trying to figure out how to make money with this stuff I mean it this is so much hype I can't believe it I mean very few companies have figured out how to make money with this and so I think we're going to take a little breather on this AI thing but okay and isn't it more like the internet boom then where it just goes boom and then it kind of like seeps out everywhere no well it's supposed to happen that way except I talked to companies and they say yeah we spent about $2 million on it last year we made squat MH we're cool a little bit now till we figure out actually how this works there's some great ideas like you walk up to get your your fast food order it says you ordered cheese last time and you said you really liked it how about double cheese this time it turns out people go ah screw that yeah Vince uh it if there is a likable voice you're going to get attached to it you're a lonely man absolutely I'm going to be as polite to that thing as I possibly can cuz like I said I'm the poor version of that and I'm never going to get a real girl so that's going to be what I'm dating so I'm going to be super nice to that thing listen it depends what it's doing yeah um if the robot is in charge of something like a car that's self-driving I'm going to kiss its ass to make sure it doesn't crash me or yeah it depends how if the thing's doing surgery on you yeah you're going to talk real nice to it um I would I think there's going to be a whole rise of of AI bullying like a self driv you saw see people throwing at self-driving cars why were you bullied by an AI I I'm so mortified now cuz I didn't think it would go this direction if y'all heard the way I speak to my Alexa at home if one day you see on the news that like my private conversations are leaked you know exactly why I curse my I'm sorry I feel horrible now but I curse my Alexa out cuz I start off polite I'm like Alexa turn off my dining room lights and sorry I don't understand I'm like turn off the damn lights and then it's like okay Miss Austin lights are turning and I'm like oh so now you listen now you know why your Amazon bill was $40,000 left exactly no but for whatever reason they respond to rudess more effectively try on chat GPT just take take my word for it all right Tyrus listen this is the first step AI WR I ain't worried about AI I'll beat up the nerd who made it um this is just for the men out there uh do not talk polite to Siri and all because you're going to hear I wish you talk to me the way talk to Siri but don't do it she's right that's it that is so true like I when I talk to C customer service I'm like very nice and then my wife just looks at me like who are you no poop jokes nope call them out their name call them stupid yeah say you don't give directions like my girl does piss off ways and see what neighborhood you wind up driving to does no one else yell on the phone no one yells Operator Operator it can't be only me I refuse to of day nice you'd be wise to cover your eyes our second video of the day comes to us from Democrats doing a synchronized dance to promote an appearance on The Late Show The Late Show which is now like C-SPAN after dark roll it Clive buy you're a boy make a big noise playing in the street going to be a big [Laughter] [Music] man you know you guys like that so much let's play it again I'm going to do it again buddy you're a boy make a big noise playing in the street going to be a big man you know that was so much fun let's do it [Applause] again make a big play in the street going to be a [Music] big sorry sorry I was going to leave all right you know what's interesting about that Jim if they just went a little bit longer with the hand thing might have been interesting it is a very sexual move they're doing yes it is it's it's not surprising mayor Pete was the best at it he was like only two I know I'm if Hillary if Hillary would have done that more Bill wouldn't have cheated on her but you know what they made that video and it went viral was all over the place to promote them being on The Late Show and The Gutfeld show still beats him in ratings and that was all over the place we didn't by the way we beat him and we were on like at 1:00 a.m. you know we had so we had we were sitting around here I had like 12 cups of coffee I still am like I don't know what I did to myself I'm sorry I'm starting to sound like you Jim yeah yeah toito uh are you upset that you're not invited to these things oh that is still I've seen Australian break dancers with better moves than these [Applause] Pelosi seemed confused uh I think they told her said just just act like when you stuck the knife in Biden's back same same motion yeah and I thought mayor Pete was the worst and I don't think I'd ever his complete lack of musical sensibility I don't think I would ever in my life say to a gay man you need to go see more musical theater to see what this looks like [Laughter] you know what that is could you roll that again can you roll roll that no no no no no just that just him you know what he's doing you know what that is you're in the men's room and the the dryer just didn't get your hands dry it's the haird dryer thing Kennedy isn't it funny though Kennedy when celebrities and politicians try hard to convince us that they're having fun yeah they're not fun they're the worst people in the world never listen anything they say I want a politician who's a kogan who doesn't want to see the sunlight who just wants to look at spreadsheets that's why it's fun their own image that's why it's fun watching Trump dance because he comes out there he like okay I'm going to do it because I want to do it I don't care about you he comes out for the YMCA does this little thing he's like look at him look at that why is that so why is is that so funny why is that so funny because everyone behind them is laughing and cheering and doing it with them yeah you don't see anyone around them going but again I was confused I thought it was an instructional video like since they have that Midwestern feel and they're a bunch of old cows they were showing us how to milk them that's what I saw like I just and oh Pete oh like this is their Pro they're so fake they just can't help themselves do it the right way have videos of all of you screaming at your staff for having cold coffee like this is cold and then just keep passing it that's a great you know that's that's a great point that all this fun and joy thing is meant to kind of like obscure the fact that kamla fired 80 or they 92% of but they were using full sentences and speeches I mean how do you lose that many people that's incredible yeah I mean her one of her staffers one of her interns her Democrat Dad wrote an oped saying this woman abused my son she's a horrible person and he donates to Democrats Simone Sanders she came out and she was like oh girl I never want to be around her again but that that's why their dancing looks so bad you're right about how phone of the they literally are dancing like somebody's watching yeah yeah well anyway we shall move on up next could a sport cost Harris support words [Music] football's violence risks alienating Democrats Tyrus so the nation that's a leftwing rag argues that Harris Waltz campaigns Embrace of football will alienate voters due to its hyper masculinity and violence weren't they just saying they were masculine like a week ago and now they're against masculinity I can't keep up with them isn't Waltz Coach of the Year yes he went to to the Super Bowl again while while he was he flew from Iraq to Afghanistan to straight to the Super Bowl what people don't know is Bill bich of the Newland Pat his headset was directly connected to walls in the building walls made the calls to win the Super Bowl so listen if football's going to hurt her then by all means KLA please distance yourself from football I'm good with that so I can enjoy the games on Sunday without hearing so again they don't like I said they are so ridiculous they hate men that pee standing up I'm fine with it come over here fellas the water's fine did you know that the movie Rudy was based on Waltz yes I just I I I read that somewhere Jim Joe Scarboro said recently the Democratic party is now the party of the NFL so they got to make up their minds how was it hyper masculin when you watch a Chiefs game that cut the tail with 50 different times yes that's all they do is appeal to Liberal males yes right they got you know they changed the Washington Redskins name you know a few years ago they got n racism on the sideline on in the end you hate that yeah I mean it's like you know whoa whoa hate that they really want a limb with that one by put that I don't know that was cuzz that's what's going to happen that's how it's going to end yes you know in the history books 100 years from now to go what ended racism in 2024 the just wrote n racism in The End Zone it went away who would have known that's all it took you know if they only knew that in the Civil War they could have saved all those people all they do is appeal to Liberal males they got the stickers in the back of the helmet Choose Love stop hate yeah as they try to kill each other on the field you know meanwhile like you know half the NFL players got four kids from four different women yeah how about you put a sticker on a back wear a condom how about that Joe you know what sometimes condoms on around bro that wasn't directed towards you I have four children by four different uteruses sir I said football not wrestling all right you two Joe what do you say I think it's funny we're talking about hyper masculinity from the people who brought his tampons in the boys room which one of the worst mly creu songs by the way Kennedy close us out with I was hoping during coach Wall's speech at the DNC that he would have giant dancing man tampons like that would have made the whole thing absolutely perfect and the guy who wrote this article for the nation Dave zeren you know it's like I hate masculinity if only I could carry my scrotum around in a little man purse my nutlets would be so cozy he's the same kind of guy who shakes your hand with like doughy fingers and Che off fingernails and sweaty little rounded digits like so sexy such a turn on I would pay her I would pay her to talk like that all day he literally looks like a turtle pulled out of a shell he really does you don't look at him and think that's a star quarterback right there yes all right don't go away we'll be right back five more [Music] words don't listen to old people people so Tyrus scientists advise against taking health tips from centenarians those are people with multiple legs because their longevity may be due to luck or genetic factors rather than specific lifestyle choices which makes no sense because you can't interview the alternative CU they're dead because they're dead why do scientists suck I you know was this an English scientist I believe it was British yes was we need to stop treating British people as they're smart yes I'm sick of this amen I'm so tired of watching a movie and the scientist comes in it's good evening like no hell no give me somebody with a Southern accent I don't want this yeah the worst thing you could get is wisdom like oh no someone's 110 years old I want to know what was the what was the secret and if they tell me tobacco beer and fast women I'm in yes you know I never understood that fast woman thing CU I would assume slow move on move on someone want married or just any woman yes you know I heard Emily this is the best advice Health advice I ever got from an old person he says uh uh the key to being healthy is to get through each decade first so if you make it to 60 you're more likely to make it to 70 and if you make it to 70 you're more likely to get to 80 this is fabulous well yeah yeah if you don't make it to 60 you can't make it to 70 exactly or 61 that's just how numbers and counting work exactly no that's my point counting nobody claps I will beat you up I swear to you were clapping that he can count it's a fact that makes sense it it does make sense that if you want to be 61 you have to be 60 first yes so if you get to 61 Emily not cat Emily okay 62 to get3 okay in order to get to 70 you have to get to 60 first yes totally so concentrate on the 60 and you'll get to 7 yes wait I just have to say how cute is your little um Count Dracula your count Muppet he just did the impersonation that was totally cute I feel like everyone missed it whatever okay listen you guys here's what we need to know about this study number one the scientists studied metadone worms that was their subject and from that they extrapolated this whole human thing number two they were making the point that governments haven't supported Healthy Lifestyles cuz we like to you know suppress RFK junr so their point was like whoever did make it to longevity they are the ones that are like I smoke a pack a day I eat a platter full of bacon all that stuff so they were like don't ask them because they all have these nefarious habits but their point was so we should have the government step in and encourage everyone to be healthier because then more people will live to be centenarian and then we'll have a better control group ah I don't get that but it made sense know let's just stick with get to 60 you get to 60 and you'll get to 7 Rich do you already look like you're 100 that's right what do you ascribe this current Fitness that you have well here I in the last maybe seven eight months have not eaten like carbs not keto I'm not gay but uh like no like no pasta no no pizza no no cookie I'm not lying it was easier for me to quit crack than it is carbs although I never get anybody a hand job for a kaiser roll but what I'm saying what I'm saying is I work out and I try to eat healthy and I'm sober 38 years nicely done that's that that's a guaranteed Applause wherever I go even in a bar 38 years how old are you how old am I yes listen I'll tell you in the morning when we get up how old am I he's 59 Greg 67 that's pretty good and look wow well that's a that's a happy happy story isn't it cat yeah he's getting close to 70 yeah he has to get to 68 first though then he'll get to say with me 69 we'll be back after [Applause] this up next a McDonald's meal with big [Applause] appeal don't say Sons and Daughters cat Vermont's Department of Health is urging teachers and coaches to adopt more inclusive language in schools by avoiding terms like son and daughter say child or kid instead I'm troubled by this I mean it's the kid the the students don't have kids how often does it come up Hey Little Billy how's your son right I was I was confused by this for the same reason the kids got to be confused now it's like I don't have kids why does this matter I just don't also know why there ever needs to be like official government pronounce ments on this kind of stuff like a son or daughter almost always fine I mean I when I was a child though I was you've seen photos extremely androgynous looking MH so I would get my parents to get a lot of and this is oh this is your child yes but people knew they had to do that because I just love flannel and like the short hair or whatever in front of you they just said and I was like yeah yeah sure but it's not like people can figure this out on their own most people are completely fine with son or daughter if you're not sure it's funny to look back on like in my situation but it's not we don't this is not what we need the government to be involved in so here's my theory Kelly o Grady these so-called incremental like moments of social progress are there in replace of actual improvements in education so we know Billy can't read or do math but we figured out all the preferred pronouns no I totally agree we're focusing on this instead of ensuring that our kids know how to uh uh you know do math read uh speak well communicate well that's not what they're focusing on in China they're saying okay how how fast can you do your Calculus yeah we were just talking about what drives you know us to be stressed this is what drives me to be stressed actually worrying I'm going to get cancelled if I say the wrong thing when you're just being well meaning yeah the kid parents don't need to worry about this stuff you want to know where the stress comes from it's this crap Tyrus last word to you I I looked at this differently I looked at it as an attack on parents because the ones who were calling to ask about my son or daughter is Mom and Dad so when you call and you say hey I'm checking on my son oh no it's we don't use that here so there's the wall and again a lot of these especially we see in California a lot of these rules seem to be protecting the groomers m not the children so now when you even just a call to check on your child there's a wall in front of you mhm how is my daughter oh uh we don't use that here oh hold on you hear the sound of my car walk in we're out of school let's go we're done um they're protecting the groomers and they're protecting the pedophiles with these laws that are putting alienating the parents app parent I'm not calling the damn school because every time I call I have to use a pronoun so this is an attack on Mom and Dad and we should be paying attention to this a lot more closely than just oh it's just how we address to to cat's great point no kid calls another kid son or daughter unless you're playing Madden and you're like I own you son but that's completely different but that in that case it's gender neutral gender neutral yeah yeah isn't this just confus I mean Jamie you're always confused yeah isn't this even more confusing it is and ties made such a great I'm just picturing I call the school and I go hey is my son there they go we don't use that and I go okay is my the penis go the penis owner I go no no no the the breast proprietor the uh and then I go you know what let me just going to have their mom call you back well not their mom their mom my bank account owner I'll have her call back well it's very disturbing up next delay your snooze for the latest viral news sloth fever has entered the US Jamie the Oro poost virus uh otherwise known as sloth fever has been detected in the US after Travelers returning from Cuba and Brazil contracted it contracted it sorry uh are these people banging sloths yeah I feel like if you wanted to you probably could it's a um they're not very fast they're not F let me tell you something if you get this disease and you if you get bitten by a sloth I I have some follow-ups I have some uh how lazy are you if you get what's next you're going to get tickled by Chris Christie like put your no it's not easy to bang a sloth actually because remember that one time we came into five so we came into five right and they had the zoo people you guys know I love animals and so I walked in I was like is that a three toad sloth lady was like yes it is I'm like can I hold it nobody holds the sloth yeah I was like why she's like they're dangerous and I was like I feel like I could move from that and Cat laughed to be supportive and the lady was like yeah she didn't think it was funny no they're very protective of their sloths yeah you'd have to get through her if you wanted to do that yeah Kelly what do you think do you think um we should ban all sloths from Coming to America until we get this under control well okay so I I had to research this because it's transmitted by mosquitoes and so I was like okay okay so if I'm bit by itself it's fine um well okay maybe not but get rid of the mosquitoes the thing that was they need to totally uh Rebrand this I was like oh was this like sloth fever like you I don't know you you want a nap or or maybe what's happening with with genen Z in the workplace I don't know should we have sloths wear masks let's make sloths wear masks at least indoors maybe a six foot rule keep stay away from the sloth am I talking to myself yeah what's going on well is this a dream I'm having again it's that dream I'm trying to answer you but I got bit uhoh got [Laughter] [Applause] him cat is are they sloth shaming um no I I actually I I don't want to get bitten by a mosquito and then contract a related illness is that weird wouldn't it be amazing if you got bit by the mosquito and you got the sloth and your baby came out and it was a [Music] sloth that's how science Works do you guys know the evolutionary theory that's how monkeys became people you know that would make me really really really famous but I would you know I'd be horrifically disappointed yeah you'd be you'd be the mother of I have a one season Show on [Music] TLC and that's yeah sloth baby fights every time someone says is your kid slow it would be adorable and you would love it as if it were your own well it would be can't get much more my own than this yeah cam might have a question or two what were you doing in a Australia cat they're in the Amazon Gutfeld come on man all right we'll be right back [Applause]