yapping about Chimp Crazy and drawing Tonia Haddix | day 17

good morning I am obsessed with chimp crazy I can't stop thinking about it and so today we're going to be drawing a portrait of the of the lovely and glamorous Tanya hadex and yeah I'm I'm going to be drawing her I think she is such an interesting person and I just have so many thoughts on this show and you know it's similar to Tiger King of course it's produced by the same people and I think it for me it's having a similar effect on like my my brain um I just I can't I mean when tiger when Tiger King came out I couldn't stop thinking about it um and this this is out now I can't stop thinking about it so we're going to we're going to draw Tanya hadex and I'm going to talk about my thoughts on the show animal rights Allan coming who I had no I mean he's he's so cute okay I I'm I'm not drawing him I might draw him later um like you know because the show isn't finished there's still more episodes coming out I might be drawing Allan coming but we're just going to talk about him because he's so adorable and I'm obsessed with him I had no idea he was so cute anyway he's he's he's cute okay um today we're going to be drawing with some Cony crayons some Faber Castel chalk pastels and then I'm going to maybe attempt a little bit of oil pastels I got some really cheap ones at Walmart I haven't used oil pastels in years and I wish these pictures were color but they're not um so in the beginning of this I'm going to be sketching her out I might not be talking as much but yeah so if you want to skip ahead until I'm done with the outline that's fine but I'm probably also going to talk a little bit so so ta okay let's [Music] maybe I might start with pencil just a little bit just a little bit I don't want a lot of pencil but I just want to get the shapes this isn't going to be a super like realistic or accurate portrait I'm thinking yeah it's not going to be hyper realistic or anything like that her hair is kind of up here and her hair goes out and then yeah I just want the vibe I just want her vibe which I mean the vibe is exquisite I'm I'm here for Tanya I actually really I like her a lot and I like I like the thing is I kind of like Joe Exotic a lot and what does that say about me I don't know but I think I don't agree with everything they do I don't necessarily like I wouldn't I don't know if I'd be their friend you know but like I just I like the fact that people like Tanya hadex and Joe Exotic exist I think they make the world a more interesting place and yeah so I I I like it I like I hate drawing sunglasses I hate drawing sunglasses let's draw line here but I just the similarities between the two [Music] are very apparent to me and I you know Joe Exotic and Tanya hadex I mean Tanya hadex is like the more toned down version of Joe Exotic you know she's not she seems as though she's not going to be as problematic but then she actually kind of is just as problematic I was going to say if not more I don't think she's more problematic than Joe Exotic let's be real what shape are her nostrils they're kind of her nose kind of does this thing then her nostrils go up I don't know again this isn't going to be a perfect portrait I just want to draw and talk and get this off my chest because I've just been thinking about the show so much and I'm I'm obsessed and I'm obsessed with Alam Cummings now and I need to watch his movies I need to watch the movie that he was that he filmed with Tonka I just I have to do it I didn't know Alan Cummings like he's so well spoken and he's so I think he's Scottish and his accent's really nice and then he loves animals and then okay but let's let's go let's go in order a little bit so her eyebrows go like that kind of I don't know if I like what I did with the nose but we just want a general we want the essence I'm just going for the essence I'm not going for you know especially cuz I'm doing oil pastel and I'm experimenting and I'm scared okay so now I'm going to start talking for real okay so I am a big advocate of animal rights I haven't eaten meat in 20 years if that tells you anything about me and I the reason why I haven't eaten meat is because I love animals and so I understand like I I kind of lean more towards you know what Peta I I don't I don't align with pea all the time but I kind of in this instance I agree with what Peta is stand ing for but I also strongly empathize with Tanya I totally understand her love of these animals Because by the way I'm definitely I'm definitely going to say a lot of spoilers so here we go I didn't do her mouth oops what is her mouth her mouth is very luscious cuz she gets those injections and she shows herself getting the injections I love people who have no shame I mean there's no shame in getting in getting lip injections there's no shame at all but I think there's a stigma around it like it's like considered shameful sometimes and I don't think that it should be considered shameful but she just is very much an open book and I like that okay so that's not quite right but I'm not good at drawing lips anyway we'll fix that later we'll fix it later but so oh I smudged it's fine she's very she's very tan I wish this was in color she's very she's extremely tan um so Tanya hadex very interesting person very very interesting and I think Obsession in general is such an interesting character trait and she's clearly obsessed with chimps and animals in general and Obsession it just it can make or break people and I think I don't know what happens in the end I know the the events of the documentary happened a couple years ago so I think the information about what happens to Tonka is out there and yeah but I don't know what happens um so don't tell me I want to I want to watch it in the show T okay so I love animals and I believe and have experienced strong connections to my pets and a bond and and all of that and I think Tanya just has such like she values those connections with these animals so much and I was thinking about it and chimpanzees are incredibly similar to humans in the way that they understand like you can you can teach them so much more they can understand you so much better and and like when you have a relationship with an animal compared to like a human being there's no judgment there's no social pressure it's just like this pure connection where you can be yourself and yeah that's like so valuable and so to be able to connect with an animal that is more similar to a human being being you know the the most like they have more in common with us than you know than not right so I can imagine that if you're a person who maybe feels misunderstood or like you don't fit in or blah blah blah having a connection with an animal like that where they they never betray you they don't judge you all that stuff I think that is like you know so valuable to so to some people and I think it a lot of women especially um and it's interesting to me that like you know Tigers the whole Tiger King thing the appeal there is very much different than the appeal of chimps like I feel like the women it's it's a lot of women who are who raise chimps and stuff the women who raise them I think it's like fulfilling a big maternal Instinct and um with tigers tigers are glamorous they're powerful and I don't want to say sexy but I think in Tiger King they talked about you know tigers being I don't know it's like sexy if somebody owns Tigers right chimps no absolutely not it's like the opposite it's like they're big babies that need to be taken care of and yeah so it's interesting how there are so many similarities between the tiger people and the chimp people but it's just very also very different okay okay we want a nice cleavage I might be giving her a little bit of a lift um give me one second while I I want that draping yeah I like that drape there I was I hated drawing draperies in art school very boring um anyway so Tanya I love her her vibe like she's just so into herself and always getting all these treatments done and getting a tan and all this stuff love that because then in contrast she's doing these very unglamorous jobs of taking care of animals which is just I don't know if you've ever worked with animals before you know it's gross and smelly and not glamorous at all so it's just I love the contrast like she's such an interesting character for that reason and I love all the wigs I love all the outfits um I feel like I there was more I wanted to say about chimps but just the whole setup of the show is insane the fact that they are lying to her they literally are misleading her she doesn't the she's trying to avoid the creative Tiger King she has no idea that he's actually the one making the show that is just crazy and so it's really nuts to me like when they found out she was hiding Tonka they were like oh what's the right thing to do and it's like why are you acting like you have this moral High Ground when you you're literally tricking this lady into spilling her guts and you know like where where do we draw the line morally and ethically whatever blah blah um I thought that was a little bit silly if I'm being honest um which they then do go to pea and then I think that's where we left off and that's we know we're waiting to see what happens after that I hate drawing sunglasses I hate it did I mess it up I don't know anyway I'm too much of a perfectionist I don't like what I did with the sunglasses I need to erase it can you erase Conte crayons I don't know kind of it's okay I'm going to color over it anyway so yeah so like the whole point of this documentary it seems is like show give us the facts give us the story and then the audience will decide who's in the right and who's in the wrong and honestly I don't I think Tanya's in the wrong I'm sorry I just do I I think it's horrendous that people keep these exotic animals as pets it's just it's terrible like I have owned animals my entire adult life and I've had you know uh cats and birds and birds I would I love birds I love birds I love my cockatil so much I miss her all the time I think she she was an amazing pet but I don't think she was really happy even though we tried our best and tried to give her a good diet and all that it's just really hard to animals are so complex and they have so many needs that it's hard to meet all those needs as a single person like especially when you're keeping that animal outside of their natural environment so it's just it's crazy to me that people are allowed to keep these animals as pets and I think it's it's becoming I don't really know the laws and stuff so I was just shocked that private citizens in 20 in the 2020s could still own chimpanzees I couldn't I didn't know that was a thing so this whole show was a eye eye opening to me cuz like I I'd heard of the You Know Travis case a long time ago you know who didn't hear about that right like it was everywhere but hold on I have to get this shape right or I'm going to scream um oh so much better not perfect but so so much better okay anyway that's not right something like that I don't know we'll do that later okay yeah PE people private citizens owning chimpanzees crazy I can't I just I don't understand it and it's just not it's wrong it's it's wrong they're so they're such intelligent animals and there's no way that one person housing a chimpanzee in a cage can fulfill all of their needs it's just not possible so these animals are essentially severely neglected even if like you know Tanya has their she loves Tonka so much she want she has his best interest at heart or so she thinks and cuz she's also selfish she also has her own interest you know at the Forefront of her mind and it's interesting the way that this show talks about love and like thinking emotionally versus seeing clearly what the animal needs and that kind of thing I think that aspect of the show is something that Tiger King was kind of lacking because Joe Exotic didn't have this he he liked his Tigers but I don't think he had this connection with them that Tanya experiences with her monkeys and her Apes but I need to I need to get started with the hair or something I hate the way this is looking right now um um yellow o I'm scared I'm so scared do I want to do yellow I don't know I don't know we'll see I'm scared of this color it her in the in this picture it is a little bit yellow it's not this yellow though but it's fine we're not trying to be perfect here we're just trying to have fun but it is a very light colored wig so I need to keep that in mind when I'm doing this but you know in the beginning of this series I was kind of rooting for Tanya like I didn't want the chimps to be lost for her sake like I I liked her enough you know I don't agree with chimp's being kept but I'm like when you know when she lost the lawsuit or whatever I was like oh my God no you know just because for her like cuz I I empathize with her and I like her but then you think about those chimpanzees and just how they have their life is just diminished in those circumstances it's just it's it's really it's so sad and I think humans have a hard time if they connect with something and if they're attached to something they have a really hard time letting things go which again is completely I understand that I understand that completely um we're going to start with her skin now I think we're going to lay down this okay so I I have very basic chalk pastels and then I have very we're just going to start oh this is so yellow I need it to be orange we're just going to lay down a little bit and then okay okay when it mixes with the Conte crayon it looks better but I'm I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared okay yeah when it mixes with a Cony crayon it's getting it's moving in the right direction but I don't want to yeah we'll put a little bit of the conty crayon um so we're going to Contour a little bit here and then under her glasses there's a nice shadow here right under her nose and under here and here um sorry it's hard to talk when you're like really getting like just starting out in a drawing I think it's easier once you have some more stuff established but anyway Tanya Tanya Tanya Tanya Tanya Tanya I want the neck to be darker too yeah so I feel like chimp crazy isn't it might not be the viral hit that Tiger King was just because Tiger King had so many different color colorful characters I feel like most the whole Intrigue is kind of just around this one person Tanya and so I don't know if it will be as viral as Tiger King but I almost think it's more important than Tiger King just because because chimps are so closely related to us and they are so intelligent it's just so disgusting to keep them in cages I'm not saying that Tanya is disgusting I don't know maybe she is I don't know I don't know her um maybe some more information will come out about her where I'm like ew I don't like you anymore but my opinion of her now is just she is a very passionate woman who unfortunately is passionate about something that I don't agree with and you know who knows she could be right she could she could be the person who could best provide for Tonka maybe Tonka likes his life I don't know but I just don't think I don't think that's I don't think that's the case yeah I definitely think like honestly if I'm being real chimpanzees freak me out I think they're kind of creepy so I can imagine can like if they look like this and they're all cute absolutely I would hold one and have fun and all that but bigger ones are really scary and I think there's a reason why they're scary it's because they are dangerous animals and just keeping them in close proximity with humans is just crazy oh oops I didn't draw her scarf around her neck oops we we'll we'll get in there I don't like the direction this is going but I'm always like this in the beginning and then it comes out decent in the end so we're going to go ahead and do her scarf like [Music] that and something like that yeah anyway i' I've been thinking about this so much I feel like I thought about it too much and now I'm not good at collecting my thoughts anymore we need a cooler tone in this to make her less orange I don't like this color um maybe I'll start no I might color the glasses in though that's not the right color yeah chimps are scary and hearing I love the way they jxap POS the stories of Travis and buck I think is the other one's name what am I doing I'm fixing her nose fixing the schn okay that's not quite right okay just just keep going just keep going so what is going on with this drawing okay I just need to like let go I think that's my problem I just need to let go and have fun and not think so we're going to start coloring in her glasses with an oil pastel which I'm terrified of I'm terrified oh I'm terrified okay I'm still scared okay but chimps are scary and I just think that since they are so similar to people the like similar to humans the people that own them they're like oh they're my babies and they get like a a really I mean I you can get a a strong bond with any animal I think but I think because they're so similar to humans and they have that look you know people just get so insanely attached and then stupid stuff happens because they're not they're not humans they're they're animals and you can't meet all their needs they're not they don't have the same needs that we we do I mean they do but they also don't you know but like I get it so I still have sympathy for Tanya as as of recording this video I don't know what's going to happen in the next episodes I have no idea I kind of want to listen to the podcast that they've been advertising um just because I wouldn't mind taking in some more content about this show um but it's just it's crazy y'all it's like the people who the animal people animal people like Tanya there's animal people like Alan and there's there's animal people like Tanya and the animal people like Tanya they just seem to be a bit obsessed with themselves like a kind of big ego you know like the animals serve as an extension of themselves kind of and that's kind of problematic oh I don't know if I like this this is so yellow this whole thing is yellow and orange and I don't know what's going on and I'm scared of this oil pastel yes I am yeah I definitely think that people get too attached to these things and ideas and they just can't let go and it's it's sad it's sad for the human that is going through that and then it's sad for the animal that is the victim of the situation okay so the chalk pastel will mix in with this I didn't think that I didn't think that would happen and I'm frightened I'm frightened let's go ahead and start on her Shaw thingy just because I want to it was kind of like a dark darker pink color is this what these oil pels are really cheap so I don't know I don't know this is scary very scary but I never imagine I would be thinking about chimpanzees so much just because I just don't I just don't like them or not that I don't like them I like them but I would be scared to be around a big one and same thing with tigers I guess I'm scared of tigers but I like tigers fascinate me more I think than chimps I don't know I just don't like monkeys that much like little monkeys are okay but I think when an animal's too close to a human it just it kind of freaks me out a little bit um I don't know if I hate this or not I don't know if I hate this or not but I love the drama the way that they've laid out this whole series is really really well well done I I don't like the fact that they were dishonest though I know it's like oh journalism blah blah but like they literally were dishonest about their intention and so Tanya opened up to them thinking that they are pro private ownership of exotic animals and then they're actually not so I just I just don't like that I don't I I get it and I I I'm glad they did it cuz otherwise we wouldn't have the show I guess but I just don't it just was shady to me when they were like oh Tonka is alive now we have to go tell Peta and it's like you're also lying to a person and threatening their livelihood so like you can't pretend you have the moral High Ground like even if you don't agree with their livelihood you're still coming into their life and their world and interfering with them and that's kind of what Tanya is doing with the chimps so like of course chimps can't advocate for themselves the same way humans can but I don't know I just didn't like that they snitched on her it felt like icky and yeah I just I just didn't like that like where are your morals really like if you value animal life you should also value human life you know but I don't know but I love Alan and they keep showing him and he's so cute and I had no idea Alan was a baddie and they show him like posing nude with the vegetables and I just thought he was so cute and then he's so well spoken he has such a nice accent and then the way he describes his connection with Tonka is really sweet and it just it broke my heart when he was like talking about you know after he was done filming I forgot what the film is called but he filmed he made a movie that featured a bunch of chimpanzees and when the film was over he had this bond with Tonka but he never really knew what happened to him and he just always assumed that you know Tonka retired somewhere nice and he's living with other chimps or something and then you see Tonka in this cage and he's kind of isolated and they don't allow him to be around other chimps cuz he's he gets bullied and stuff or whatever and it just made me really it just broke my heart broke my heart absolutely to think that you know he all these years he would think about Tonka and then tonka's actually locked away in a cage that's just really depressing and yeah that messed me up but I definitely have a crush on Allan coming now and I need to watch his movies I want to watch the movie with the with the chimps it looks kind of it looks cute it's probably not the best movie but it look cute okay now that the colors coming through with the texture I like it better but I'm just I think I'm just being too hesitant I'm just scared of these oil pastels like I don't remember oil pastels working like this I don't know um but let's talk about pea let's talk about pea for a second I don't know if I agree with pea all the time like I like what I like I like animal rights I like activism for Animals I think that's cool but sometimes they just take it too far I think and I think sometimes they say that they want and and this is something that they didn't really show in the documentary like the extreme side of pea I mean they showed it a little bit but I think they also don't think humans should have pets and I don't know if I agree with that I understand the sentiment but then we also domesticated cats and dogs and they don't really have a place in in the ecosystem other than being pets so what would you do do with them you know I don't know I don't I used to know more about pea and this animal activist stuff back in the day but I don't really know as much so I'm not like going to sit here and pretend like I know what I'm talking about but I I have heard stuff like that and I'm like I don't know if I agree with that I think people if they I think that not all people should be able to own animals for sure but I think that I don't think that animals should be euthanized so that they you know just because they're pets like I don't I think there's a lot of happy dogs and cats out there you know birds and stuff I don't know I think eventually well no I think people always own Birds honestly but birds it's really you know sad I used to own birds and birds are great pets but they're just too high maintenance way too high maintenance unless you have like a whole flock of them and you have an Avary and they live outside you know there's just there's ways to make it work but you can't H I don't I don't know birds are just I don't like animals in cages and general really I do like rats though rats are great pets and I think rats can you can have rats and they'll be okay I think but they are also very high maintenance too and people underestimate the amount of work it takes to own happy animals you know so her skin that's not the right color [Music] M maybe I should put a little bit of this down but she's so not this pale [Music] I'm scared I don't like it I don't know I don't know if I'm going to like this drawing I don't know if I'm going to like it I hate it right now I really hate it which is normal I always hate my drawings but I feel like this hair this would work better for her hair color yeah yeah oh I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I also I should have looked up oil pastel Tech techniques cuz I really I don't know what I'm doing I'm just going to put a little bit over here and prey and then we can go over it with white I think I think um oh I hate it I hate it I hate it maybe I don't like oil pastels anymore or maybe I don't know I hate it in camera it looks a bit better but I still I hate it I hate it right now and I didn't draw her arms and I don't think I want to yeah anyway I'm I yeah I had so many thoughts like I Was preparing thoughts and I think I shouldn't have done that I think I should have just like left my mind blank about it because it's if I'm speaking from my mind as it's coming to me it's better but now I'm like trying to pull thoughts that I had last night or this morning or something but you know this isn't it's not this is not a structured video I did not write anything for this this is just my thoughts and feelings and I feel like we can't you can't have private ownership of big exotic animals you just can't even if you love them and all that okay what color what color oh what color um maybe I'll do her lips a little bit I keep hitting my thing wow why is this making it so much better all of a sudden I don't know if I like the chalk with oil pastel thing I don't know I don't know do we need a little bit of brown to tone it down oh maybe I should just oh oh no I shouldn't have done that can I scrape this off anyway um everything is fine I didn't mess anything up I don't like this drawing I I don't like it should I just like let loose I should just let loose I have to let loose okay think about the chimps think about the chimps um yeah I got to I got to start loosening it up or I'm going to hate it and I'm I'm done okay so we're going to we're going to come in with some Shadow here and Tonka oh my God I think the way Alan coming talks about Tonka makes me like Tonka more and the way Tanya talks about Tonka too like how he's just so sweet and docile and he wouldn't hurt a fly and you know I just he seems like just sweet individual and I hope Tonka I don't know where Tonka is right now I don't even know if he's still alive because this show was filmed like 3 years years ago and yeah I just don't know I have no idea where Tonka is at and I hope he's okay and it's just so it's so sad you see him here I'm pretty sure this is him you see him in that picture and he just looks so sweet and the way Alan Cummings said that he would run up to him when they got to set oh it just breaks my heart it breaks my heart that these animals are so sweet and stuff and then they just get taken advantage of by these crazy people like oh we didn't even talk about Connie oh my God Connie I don't like that lady I get a bad Vibe Tanya I like I like Tanya I don't know why I think I think because Tanya is so genuine it's hard for me to dislike people that are genuine even if they even if I don't agree with what they're doing it's hard for me to dislike them and um But Connie is just shady and she made all that money off the chimps and I mean I think I think Tanya probably made money off the gyms too in some capacity but like Connie just I don't like Connie Connie is sketchy and yeah she's sketchy don't trust her I do not trust her and this needs to go up a little bit oh my God she kind of looks like I Dream of Genie like the the bont and the yeah and the colors of the dress and stuff it's very I Dream of Genie esque but anyway this video is a mess this video is a mess I'm a mess I can't wait for more of the show to come out I'm literally dying of [Music] anticipation but I don't want to know like I was I was watching a YouTube video about Tanya and it got to the part where you know they're talking about Peta presenting evidence to the court that Tonka is live and they're coming to get Tonka and stuff like I stopped watching it there cuz I was just like I can't I don't want to spoil it I don't want to spoil the show for myself so I stopped and yeah these just aren't these just aren't very good pastels these are just shitty I mean I don't know what I expected this these are shitty Walmart p pasts I need to buy some better ones I think or I just suck at pastels I don't know that is not dark enough that is not dark enough at all I'm going to have oil pastel bits all over my floor oh um girl what did I do to you how do I make it darker let me see maybe a little brown I didn't really want her garment to maybe we can blend [Music] it it's not going to be perfect and everything is fine yeah I just don't know if o pastels Are For Me Maybe I'm too timid for oil pastels maybe you have to be big and bold and nuts maybe I should play with the lines more I don't know in camera it's not as bad but uh okay let's see oh that's very yellow oh it's too yellow but I'm just going to I'm just going to lay color down and then I'm going to put white over it and see what happens I don't know if that's a good idea yeah I don't know blonde hair with these colors and the tan skin I just I'm struggling yeah I don't think chimp crazy is amazing I really like the show really think it's a great show however I don't know if it's going to be as popular as Tiger King just because we have lovely Allen coming love him he's a good guy I think the more bad guys you have in a show the more interesting it is Tiger King they had like so many different villains essentially Carol Basin uh that one guy I don't know who he is I don't remember his name uh Joe Exotic you know all these different characters and I hate that the hair I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it um God I am not an oil pastel person I'm struggling do we have a brown I need a brown also I think people in general maybe won't be as interested in chimps as they are in tigers or maybe that's just me but I just hope that all the chimps are okay and they're safe and hopefully you know this won't happen anymore where people are privately owning these animals and I just I feel kind of bad for Tanya cuz it's like she was swindled her she was under the impression that these people were Pro you know private ownership and they're not and so who knows what she's thinking right now I but at the same time again I am glad that that this show exists cuz it's very entertaining and and also I hope that you know the chimps are benefiting from it like maybe they're getting more donations to the chimpanzee centers and stuff and and who knows she could have held on to Tonka if it wasn't for this guy and I don't know if that's the best thing right again I don't know she could be right she she's the one with the animal she could know him better than we than we know him and and maybe he is happier with her because he's familiar with her I don't know but I just don't think it's fair to keep an animal in an enclosure that small even if you love them and you have their best interest at heart and all that like I think Tanya is sympathetic right now because like I don't think she's like a bad person and again for me she's just kind of like a character on a TV show right now I don't know her and we get a very limited limit a limited perspective and a skewed perspective because we're we're seeing what the director is showing us right so we don't know who Tanya actually is and if she's a good person or not oh I hate this drawing I'm I'm about to give up up I'm about to give up we're going to do big Reflections yeah I definitely think I should buy better oil pastels and I think next time I talk about something I'm going to write a little list of bullet points cuz I think that's where I'm struggling with talking about this but you know this is just very casual I'm not trying to be a commentary YouTuber I just wanted to talk about my feelings but I wish this portrait came out better I don't really like it okay I'm not sure where my camera cut off but I'm just looking at this and I just don't I just don't like it y'all I don't like it and I definitely next time I do this I'm going to write down notes like I did with my love is blind thing cuz I feel like I just had such an easier time talking about love is blind that I am talking about this cuz I didn't write anything down this time oh her teeth are showing in her mouth I'm just going to do that yeah I think I like to be too precise and so I don't know if oil pastels I mean I could probably make oil pastels work for me eventually I just I need to lower my expectations I think or change my expectations maybe not lower them but change them you definitely have to be a little bit looser I think I think but I do like the texture of this you know the texture of the oil pastel is nice I just I need more practice with it I think yeah this is just this is a Miss for me the hair I just this is a Miss I don't like it what does this color look like it's very gold oh maybe this was the right color yeah I do like this Color Oops let's define her nose a little bit more but not too much oops make those a little smaller oh yeah sorry this was such a mess and I'm whining and all that and next time I'm going to write down my thoughts and be more organized because there's there's going to be more episodes coming out I still need to talk about love is blind finale I didn't do that yet um but we'll see if I do that or not I don't know but I do I like talking and drawing because I like to talk I just I just don't love this drawing which is such a shame cuz I I do like T A Lot wish this drawing was better it's it's okay it's coming it's it's getting there uh I don't know why why don't I like it why don't I like it I don't know I think actually I don't mind the face and everything I don't like the hair that's what I don't like I should have I should have paid more attention to the curls but I think I was just like ah whatevers I think I'm done I think I'm done I'm going to leave it up I'm not going to spray it yet I'm going to leave it up just in case I want to I look at it and I want to touch it up a little bit but as of right now let see a little little Contour the oil pastels are growing on on me you can get really nice texture I do like that um but I just oh I'm going to post this on YouTube oh no I've never posted all the drawings I've done so far on this channel I've kind of liked them but I mean I don't I don't hate it I don't hate it it's okay okay let's let's give her a little slightly more colorful lip maybe just a little just a little let's see yeah yeah you know what I'm still going to post this I'm going to post it and yeah even though I don't like it it's okay because maybe if you're watching this you've also drawn something that you don't like before and maybe you didn't feel good about it and thing is sometimes sometimes it just it doesn't happen the way we think it's going to happen and it's totally fine and I'm going to this makes me want to come back to oil pastels even though I just feel like I could do a lot better than this I just need to practice cuz this is this is basically like a practice for me cuz I haven't used these in so long you know but yeah this video is low keyia flop it's fine I'm I'm cool with it I'm cool with flopping but I hope you know if you wanted to hear somebody ramble about this show cuz you don't have any friends that watch it either then I hope you enjoyed this um and if you draw stuff and you don't like it or you think you're bad at drawing or something I think I'm kind of good at drawing and I drew this thing I don't like so never give up oh I just feel like I lost I don't know I just don't like it I'm sorry [Music] T oh yeah I just maybe maybe next time I'll just do only oil pastel and not mess with the chalk pastel but oh I should draw Alan he's so cute he's so so he's adorable so cute okay I think that's it I am going to leave her up just in case I need to touch it up but that's it for me today I will be next time I will think more about what I'm going to say and write a little list of points I want to make so that I'm more or organized because yeah I just I need to do that this was a lesson um this was a lesson about oil pastels and about uh structuring videos in this format So yeah thank you so much for watching if you made it this far and yeah okay I'm going to show a closeup now even though I don't like this drawing don't give up on your dreams keep drawing and I'll see you next time bye bye