Neil Patrick Harris & David Burtka Get Real About Raising Teenagers & Marriage

here's the deal here's the deal I'm actually so hyped I'm so hyped right now because our first guests are Emmy and Tony award-winning actors Neil Patrick Harris [Applause] Blue Train Chef husband David burka are in the house so I mean when I when we were putting this guest list together I'm like okay here's the deal they are one of the most dynamic and let's face it adorable adorable Duos on and off screen look at that face oh and then and they're the kind of people you want to come to the dinner party because they're going to make you laugh they're going to have fun they're going to talk about the kids and you're going to want to hang out with them the next night because we don't want guests that we don't want to reinvite all right so of course they've worked together and and We Know How I Met Your Mother to the modern rom-com uncoupled which I was obsessed to with but their most important role raising their 12 year old twins Harper and Gideon and it all started with a Chance encounter almost two decades ago here's their story it was 2004 when Neil Patrick Harris and David burka met on a busy New York City street corner Neil bumped into an old friend who introduced him to David both then working on Broadway the two actors started out as friends but soon the attraction was undeniable and they became Inseparable Neil and David kept their relationship under wraps for three years finally going public with their romance at the 2007 Emmys their love story came full circle when David took Neal back to the street corner where they first met and proposed soon they would become one of the most beloved and busiest couples in Hollywood making headlines announcing to the world they were about to become dads to twins through a surrogate the couple now share their heartwarming and often funny moments of their parenting Journey endearing them to their millions of fans I thought I would show you what's happening in our lives it's mostly that Gideon's cleaning the floors and Ella's super excited Harper has another dog Gidget so sweet they're raising free teams they're still finding time though to work together on a new Hulu show it's called drag me to dinner which was the inspiration for our show we don't have to drag them to dinner because we just asked and they agree please welcome one of the hottest couples in Hollywood Neil Patrick Harris and David Burke [Applause] [Music] I'm fantastic of course I'm you know I'm sorry I'm not serving meals right now but you know it's all in the oven look well it's the first rule of a dinner party that's right what are you gonna wear you both look so handsome thank you I like this I like this yeah pride month you went for the somber look but that's okay it's a celebration around here um I got to tell you so the inspiration for this show is when you invite people to a good dinner what happens now that I'm a mom of a four-year-old my dinner conversations have changed from the date I had that went wrong to the date I can't get rid of which is my husband and our son Moses dinner party at your house what's the first thing on the topic menu we you really want to invite fun friends yeah that can David's really good at a dinner party he has a a cookbook about it called life is a party that's true and you just celebrated a birthday I did happy birthday happy birthday look it's your birthday really good David's really good at at inviting people that aren't all the same type of person yeah right and you curate the list it's about curating your guest list about having a you know a science person next to someone who loves art and and being able to have them talk about wider subjects as opposed to people who are all the same all the same Nestle I keep the most in uh the talkative most flamboyant outgoing people in the center and put the people who are less talkative on the outside so they draw in the attention I'm a big fan of the name tag you like the name tag because I have this weird thing where even if I know people and have known them for years and years when I have to introduce everyone like this is this and I I freeze up and I panic that I'm gonna forget someone's name really so a good name tag like a holiday party or something when you know and people bring a plus one and you might not know you might have been introduced to them but now you're introducing them to someone else and you might have forgotten their name or if you put a name tag on the table make sure you put the name on the front and the back so the person across from them okay y'all do fancy dinner parties we don't do name tags I'm like I judge you by the wine you bring and the dessert you leave well that always ends with a really good dessert because that's what they're going to Remember You by really always the guests will remember you by the dessert you bring I like that the dessert you have at if you're serving dessert make sure it's a top-notch dessert so that's the last thing you have I like this your birthday you just celebrated you're celebrating your birthday June 15th yes you're going to be 5-0 [Applause] that's cause for a party I read a quote I think it was People magazine you said I'm not going anywhere to me 50 is chapter two yeah true we live in an age where we're all aware of our health and we're all aware of surgeries and all you know I feel like longevity is is different now than it used to be and I I've always felt a little younger in my own skin and I feel like you know for a long time I love how David positioned himself to listen that's a good dinner party guest they're positioning listening to the store for a long time I felt like I was needing to apologize for the things that I was saying with authority I've been acting for a long time but acting's not one of those professorial jobs you're just an actor that's reading lines that someone else wrote yeah so whenever I had something that I thought was the way it should be or the way I wanted it to be I would always kind of temper it by saying you know but that's just my opinion whatever I'm sorry once you turn 50 I feel like you're a little bit like I'm 50. I'm gonna say some stuff and this is kind of how I wanted to believe me he does okay so you're 50 almost 50. I'm 53 I'm sorry I stepped on you but I could relate to what you were saying I used to leave with I'm sorry and then give the sentence after and now I catch myself eating the word I'm sorry not because I was using it wrong you can apologize and you should apologize you shouldn't apologize for your opinion when presented respectfully but it took me a long time it took me a long time to get there this is a real dinner party conversation no but that's important to really be able to cut through it I mean who likes the dinner party when you're just talking about trivial things you really want to sit down and get into the nitty-gritty okay so let me get to it then yeah let's do it okay funny thing happens walking down the street on a corner and you run into somebody yeah on a street corner a lot of things happened in New York City on the street corner but that you would run into each other we were both doing Broadway shows I was in Cabaret on Broadway that Sam Mendes had directed and uh it was the uh MC and I was feeling really my sexy self oh that's apparently all it was and then David was had just been cast in Gypsy that Sam Mendes was currently directing and our mutual friend Kate was I I had known her and I was walking down the street on 8th Avenue and I passed by Kate and knew her so I said hey Kate and she was with this handsome kind of James Dean looking guy wearing a leather jacket and I thought that she was dating him so I said Well Done Kate with this one and she said David now he's totally gay and I said really and uh then I followed him around for a long time yeah and now 19 years later I'm still flying around all the time two years later I was looking we celebrated your 19th anniversary on social media you posted um Neil you said this relationship was the greatest decision of your life and David you says as we grow as people our relationship gets stronger um people ask at dinner parties what's the secret to a happy relationship how do you answer that David oh well a communication of course that's huge I mean we're no strangers we've said this before but we see a couple's therapists I mean we got into a couple's therapy before things were a problem but when things do come up it's easier to talk about them with someone as a mediator so I don't think therapy is a bad thing at all it's helped us really be able to talk about things that seem a little hard to talk to each other um otherwise yeah sometimes you need that right you need a road map sometimes of how to couch your sentences right so that you're not coming at someone that you're wanting but you're using the right vocabulary to want to have a conversation about stuff yeah so that's been helpful I think laughter too laughter is huge in our in our family we're all kids are hilarious Harper and Gideon are 12. that counts as pre-teen oh yeah can you believe it well I think it speaks to something about a relationship as well right because when you're a parent you know that each year each six months is something new it's they're changing they're just everything is nothing is set and I think too in relationship when you get married and you and you make your vows and you start a thing as it as it expands it it becomes better but it changes so you have to continue to kind of redefine what relationship is and what the rules are because if you just what's the original teenagers though I mean they they run that I think yeah they run a lot there are no rules when you have a teenager two teenagers I mean you you just have to realize that there you got to cut their wings and let them be their own people no one tells you as a young parent that you're gonna have to mourn your child when they get older like that's the been the hardest thing for me me taking a break from acting and working like now that I'm going back to work I took a big Hiatus from working so now that that was my main job and there don't want anything to do with me because they're teenagers and they're on their screens or they're doing whatever it's hard to say okay well you got to let them go and be who they are I mean that's because then you have to find yourself exactly