Ryan Lochte: Full Interview

how about a 13 years old paint cans in a bonfire o that was actually that was right before um we me and my best friend we had to go to a swim meet in Orlando and we were in Daytona which is like a 45 minute drive and up early in the morning um and we decided to have a bonfire and throw paint cans and the paint cans got uh started to explode and like the woods in the back of our house started catching on fire and you know those movies where like you run like 100 yards and you get this bucket of water you fill it up and you run back and then you throw it in like from you running you get like a drop of water that's what we were doing that's what was happening and the Flames got bigger and bigger and we just looked at each other and we like me and my buddy and we just started laughing we were like oh my gosh and then the fire department came um and we were like we saw the fire department um the fire truck come and so we were taking a shovel like putting dirt over the paint cans cuz we're like oh we're going to get in trouble we're going to get in trouble and then the um the firefighters they came over and they were going through like the sand and everything and they started finding paint cans they're like um what's this and we're like are we in trouble so uh yeah and that that was right before we had to go for a swim meet and right when uh they left uh we just got in the car and left and my dad was like we got to the pool in Orlando he was like man you guys smell like smoke and then the guy that drove us had to tell him that the fire department came and he got a little mad did he just a little what did he do he didn't do anything he was just it was just you that look of your dad being like and he was he the softy of the two parents uh to me yes okay cuz I was like his first boy yeah so like I'd always go to him and be like Daddy can I have a couple like he'd always carry change cuz he'd know how to ask it so I can go get a candy bar or a soda from the vending machine at um where we used to have practice so yeah here was uh how about a high school senior playing a game of Manhunt um when I got pushed out of I got pushed out of a tree I still take this to my grave that it was my best friend that me and him we are it was with the bonfire the same guy and we were playing man hunt it was for my brother's birthday and we were playing manh and I we hid up in a tree and it was like probably 30 feet tall and we were on the very top and it was kind of like raining and I swear my friend pushed me I still don't know because I he says no he said I just slipped but I don't know um he I hit I hit I just remember hitting the ground and uh I don't really remember um but my dad said I kept on asking him where are we going um on the way to the hospital and he kept on saying like I already told you you fell out of the tree we're going to the we're going to the hospital and then I kept on saying like why was I up in the tree and it just like a repeative like question that I was kept on saying to him over and over and I guess after like the fourth or fifth time he was like oh crap this is serious so it's probably scary right I mean I don't know I don't really I don't really remember but everything ended up being fine yeah I wanted to start by running through some of your uh injuries I think it was 2007 falling off your scooter and like it wasn't my scooter it was a skateboard and I told my coach I was walking my dog I still don't know if he knows the real story but uh I was like yeah walk in my DG and he's like I don't buy that crap oh and he's like the only person in the world that you're terrified of right I'm still terrified of him like I don't there's just something about him that scares the out of me um but yeah uh I was skateboarding um and I fell and I went flying and I fractured my foot uh right before I had a go to worlds for just name wise it goes the Olympics worlds pan packs and it's like the best of the best are going to be there yeah um but my my foot was healing up um leading up right before like a week before I actually raced um but then I jumped in the pool going to warm up at the swim meet um and I hit the bottom of the uh the pool and I refracturing foot at Worlds but I mean that was my first time I broke a world record how does that work I don't know it wasn't I was just in a lot of pain how about brushing your teeth with tap water in China oh gosh I was I was you could definitely say I was on the toilet for a very long time after that um yeah I was like how could tap water really do anything I'm just brushing my teeth I'm not swallowing anything like I'm just brushing my teeth hours days later um I was just sick to my stomach throwing up out of both ends and it was just it was just bad I was up on IVs with the doctors uh I was just sick bed rest and yeah understand it helped the bottom line of McDonald's though yeah I ate McDonald's breakfast lunch and dinner but it was like the only food that like I could trust was McDonald's that I knew so what would you eat I mean you name it a couple Big Macs maybe a 12 piece nuggets couple cheeseburgers and with a shake and some fries what about breakfast egg McMuffin couple Egg McMuffins and hashm how much weight did you put on during the 08 games because of eating McDonald's so much I don't think I gained that much weight I think it was like maybe like four or 5 lbs okay I one of the said like 12 or 13 lbs during no uh that was just like recently um when I got back into swimming I was like 40 lbs overweight 2117 lbs in your 187 normally and you still killed everybody in the the race yeah surprisingly um all right after the 09 worlds in Rome you're back home and you go uh break dancing in Gainesville yeah yes um I was break dancing in my living room I I was watching as like America's Best Dance Crew or something on TV I was like man I could do that watch obviously not because one foot like my foot went that way my knee went that way I heard a big pop and I tore my Meniscus was the recovery oh the rec I think the recovery was really bad for my Meniscus just because I I didn't listen to the doctors like I was like itching to get back in the water like I was like I can walk now I can get back in I can go Full Throttle uh and it just I just prolonged my um injury and your wife Kayla said you once tore your groin right before trials uh 2016 it was the prelims of my very first race my 400 IM in 2016 and I did a breast stroke pull out and my first brush stroke kick I tore my groin and I had to swim the rest of the meat with the Tor and gin how does that work I don't know but pulling your groin or tearing your groin is like the worst feeling especi if you're a swimmer cuz butterfly kick freestyle kick breaststroke like you just it just you're just in a lot of pain uh a a fan interaction led to a torn MCL and a sprained ACL yes um was uh it was during um college football season and we went to Jacksonville which it's University of Georgia versus University of Florida football and we always go there to like party and we were walking out of the hotel room over by the landing and I just remember walking and hearing like Ryan and like as soon as I turned around it was this big big-sized woman um and she was in midair like running at me midair and I grabbed like I caught her like I grabbed her like this and her momentum knocked me down on the ground and my knee hit the corner of the sidewalk and I completely tore my MCL and spr my ACL I was like Hey next time just tap me on my shoulder I'll still take a picture like and she was crying she's like I can't believe it's you oh my God oh my God this is a dream come true and I took the picture and she went herself way and I went back um and I was just on on it the rest of the the day just walking around and like limping and then I got back to my hotel room that night and my knee was like a basketball I was like oh CRA but I didn't get surgery they said you have to get surgery I was like no I'm not going to cuz I know when I tore my Meniscus it was so long this is worse like I can't do it and somehow I just did rehab day in day out and I was back in the water training within like four or 5 weeks the people were like you should be in like a science book because this is unheard of last one uh getting out of bed too quickly that led to a concussion oh yes um you know I guess it's my fault because I don't stay hydrated but how do you not stay hydrated when you're an Olympic Athlete I hate drinking water I hate it I don't know why I just don't like I need a taste I need something so well you can drink other stuff besides water that would hydrate you I know but I just at that time I didn't because as soon as I got out I got out too fast got up too fast and I started getting dizzy and I like blacked out and I went face first on the ground it was just out cold and you woke up with a concussion yeah I was just like what just happened my face was all bleeding I'm just like what what's going on do you now hydrate I mean I I could do better all right the Tokyo Olympics obviously now uh postponed hopefully it happens in 2021 yeah how would you best explain the significance of those games for you this is probably going to be my most important um Olympic Games if I make it I feel like I have more to prove and more things to overcome than I've ever had had before um everything because it's not like before my swimming was just all about me it was just like how bad do you want to win Ryan like you got to work hard this time it's I'm trying to I'm I want to prove to everyone that they're wrong like I can still do it and age is just a number but man every day in practice I feel it do you I feel it so much uh it's just I mean I've been doing this sport since I was like 7 years old and I'm about to turn 36 so almost 29 years like it's and just grinding day in day out and you can ask my coach my dad anyone that's coached me or swimmers like when I go to the swimming pool I don't hold anything back like I'm going Full Throttle like I am bleeding like I'll just keep going going and going and uh just been doing this for so long that I mean I I feel it it's taking a toll what's the difference in how you feel now practicing versus the leadup to an earlier Olympics um I recover a lot faster um and so that means what like back then I was I was able to go have a great practice and just leave everything out there and um the next day couple hours later do it again I I I can't do that now like I have to be smart I have to start listening my body a lot more um and Recovery like I could go home and take naps back then cuz I didn't have anything now you got a wife and kids now I have kids that love to jump on me and be like Daddy it's playtime I'm like so I have to get all this energy cuz I'm so tired because I work so so hard in the pool that when I come home I have to get this energy out of me to be like this playful loving dad um and have all this energy for him um and do it with a smile and everything and it just it's draining because it's you have to just be basically on point nonstop why is it the greatest pressure you've said you've ever felt because it's cuz I'm not swimming just for myself I'm swimming for my family and for everyone that's doubted me um or anything um and that is why I'm still being able to compete with all these young kids right now is because I have more motivation than I ever did before those those two little nuggets upstairs and my wife like they're the ones that push me I said I'm going to stop swimming when I stop having fun and I lost that I lost that after 2012 Olympics um what how fun swimming is I lost it for so long and I just got it back just recently how didd you get it back those two nuggets just seeing them seeing my son being born like brought a whole new perspective of life to me and I I'm just happy I'm happy right now and I love swimming I love to go to the pool and just get my ass whooped by by my coach I love it and I'm looking at the positive of why the Olympics are not happening this summer they're happening next because I get another full year of training to get even better how do the kids and wife provide motivation because they're my biggest supporters and I don't want to let them down um I know I have my goals that I want to accomplish in the sport of swimming but I mean as you you reach a certain point in your swimming career well for me um it's hard to keep moving forward to keep keep bettering yourself and you just got to find different ways and I found my way and it's my family uh what are your goals for the upcoming games no no no I can't say I never I never tell my goals um it's just something that I've always done my entire life it's those are my goals and I'm going to keep them to myself and keep the rest of the world guessing I guess um but I guess one is no-brainer I do want to make my Olympic team I want to make my fifth Olympics um I know there's only a handful of people that's been able to do that so I definitely want to make my fifth Olympics what was the time uh you set in your world record in the 200 uhhuh 154 and what's this say I hear about maybe getting uh 53 or 52 did my my dad tell you this that little he wasn't supposed to say anything um well I guess that's out of the bag damn but I mean yeah I guess there's another goal I do want to break my world record is that uh I mean is that supposed to be confidential yeah I was what's your level of confidence that you can do that really good I I honestly I I mean it's one of my goals and I don't stop until I reach those goals and the just like my mentality right now is so much better than it's ever been and I'm seeing times that I've done in practice that I've hardly ever saw when I was back in like in my peak in like 2011 2012 your dad also said he's ready for it to just be over in terms of the Olympics uh your thoughts on that I'm not ready cuz I love it I love I love being able to do something that no one else has ever done or being able to represent your own country uh to wear um a cat with your American flag with your name under it like that to me is just bad ass like I love that and it doesn't get old I don't want it to ever end because I love that feeling like you're representing United States of America like at the biggest stage in sports the Olympics like you that's to me that's everything what do you think he feels that way probably because of all like the all the ups and downs this big ass roller coaster ride that he's um been been on with me um throughout my entire life and he's like he's like I'm ready to just take a breath sit back have a cold one on a beach and just relax and not have to worry about my son swimming or anything um but he loves it too oh he loves it too don't don't let him kid you now that he's like kind of retired I'm trying to get him back into the sport again and getting back on the pool deck watch watching me and seeing that smile that smirk on his face is everything to me why is it important to you to get him back up here more because he's my dad I mean um besides like my wife and kids like he's he he's been there he's been there longer than anyone and he's he's my biggest my biggest fan and I want to be the person I am or done what I've been able to do at at the Olympics and or in swimming without him your dad was telling a funny story that's now kind of famous about your early days and uh swimming uh used to have fun in the showers man he told you that oh yes I mean as a little kid growing up I I mean I just I loved being in the pool I loved uh swimming but like the funnest thing was me trying to get kicked out of practice every day day cuz if I got kicked out of practice that means I can go in the showers I can clog up all the drains and make it like a big old slipping slide put shampoo on the floor and just eat candy and sliping salad what's your earliest memory in the water um the one that I could really remember is I was about 8 years old and it was like I want to say like a 25 like Freestyle or 25 backstroke and I won and instead of getting a ribbon I wanted to win because if you the winner and each heat got a little bag of candy I'm like what this is awesome I was like I have to win so I remember just winning and getting this bag of candy I'm like holding up I'm like yes I did it I did it want to take you back to when you were 14 years old that was in a way I think a turning point for you because you had just lost I believe in the Junior Olympics you're in the car driving with your dad the conversation's what it was it wasn't much conversation I was dead silent I was quiet just staring out out out of the window and I remember him coming to me um him saying being like hey what's wrong I'm like oh nothing he's not no what what's wrong I lost he's like well what are you going to do about it and then I just remember turning around to him looking at him and being like I'm never going to let that happen again why why does that get to you um because it's something like I've always been I always get really like te eyed or anything when something happy or something exciting or something that changes someone's life happens and for me that was something that happened uh it was my turning point in my swimming career cuz after that I said that I was I wasn't trying to get kicked out of practice anymore I was there and I was training harder training faster and my friend that would always beat me for the high point um he never beat me again how do you take winning or losing uh with a grain of salt um you know my one of my challenges that I have in swimming is I swim so many multiple events um and I do that because it's so hard anyone can like become just a straight back shoker a straight freestyler it's so hard to train cuz you have to train for every different stroke in order to do the individual medley and I love a challenge so there's been times where I got BL or I got beat and then like 20 minutes later I had another race where then I just put it behind me and then I was able to win um and I've kind of done that through not just swimming through everything like you can't change the past but you can change the present and then the future um and that's what I always thought about like I can't change I can't dwell on the past whether I win or lose I can't like it happened like I can't change it I can do now make things better now to where it doesn't happen again and I mean I've been able to do that through all my swimming career because I'd have to go to One race after another back to back so I couldn't never really sat down and being like man I just lost this like I'm down mopy but no I just forget about it so so the mental mental preparation is a really really key piece of this even if it's intentional or not yeah um I mean they say like uh they say swimming is like 80% mental 20% physical um I mean I'm a I'm a firm believer now that I'm getting older it is a lot is mental uh I mean you still have to do the work of course you have to put the work in but um I'm able now to realize everything cuz I've been in swimming for so long like I know the me the mental game for a lot of people the sports 24/7 uh I know at least for a long time when you were growing up it was not the case for you and you felt that benefited you a lot and you know your dad even spoke about how uh when he was training you he was intentional in limiting the number of hours that you were in the pool so you peaked later in life um what about now though in terms of kind of 24/7 commitment it goes back to when my dad was coaching me is on the pool deck it was always coach never said Dad it was always coach coach coach coach and as soon as we left the pool deck we never talked about swimming we'd be at home never talked about practice um and it was my dad I was it wasn't coach it was my dad and then when I get back to the pool it's like I'm clocking in again it's back to the um it's back to just training and I still do it to this day like swimming swimming um I leave swimming at the pool and then when I get home I'm a dad I get to have fun um so it's yeah I mean I love it to what extent do you think you've gotten the credit you deserve I don't need credit that I'm deserved I don't think I'm deserved anything I'm just doing what I love to do I'm swimming I love swimming I don't think I need credit for that I don't think I mean if anything credit should be like that I'm able to wake up and see my family like that's amazing um I have a roof over my head like that's amazing um I don't need any credit not at all growing up uh two older sisters two younger brothers describe what life was like for you as a kid man I was uh like my sister's like a little puppet like they would just they they'd scare this out of me all the time um but they were always loving like we were always close together um like if I fell down they' pick me up um but the reason why cuz they probably knocked me down uh but uh no it was uh I mean they would scare me they would dress me up like I was like their little Barbie Dell I was like what the heck is going on but then when I had when my younger brother was born I was like now I get to unleash hell on you um so it was just that cycle um but yeah it was it was fun growing up I loved it I mean we hardly were ever in the house uh we had this uh we had huge land like I don't know how many acres like 115 Acres on a hill that overlooked the valley and it was basically me playing in the woods all the time and your grandpa had a big farm oh yeah my uh we lived on my grandpa's like property I guess he had like so many AC like 150 something acres and we lived on it we built our own own house and I'd always go to his house I'd ride the tractor with him it was like I never wanted to be inside always wanted to be outside picking raspberries with my grandma like just everything outside and you moved to Florida when you were 12 years old for your dad's swim coach job how did life change then um I mean it was sad because I left my friends um but I mean I was so young I picked up friends like that um uh nothing really changed um I mean I wasn't playing LaCrosse or soccer anymore it was more I was playing I was skateboarding I picked up skateboarding surfing so water sports so I was like man I I like this uh playing basketball a lot more um but yeah I mean I didn't have to deal with uh winter anymore cuz uh being in Upstate New York uh you get mad snow describe what that period of time was like for you um I mean I was more um I wasn't around the house at all I was in college or no I was here in Gainesville just training um so it was a it was a difficult time just because I mean growing up you always see two people together all the time all you see is wow my parents they're happy they love each other um but you know that's just not the as you get older you start learning and that's that wasn't the case but um a lot of things happened in my life a lot of uh separation through the family um the kids kind of leaning to one side of the family and not the other um and then I don't know people's True Colors come out and and that meant what for you um you know it man I haven't really talked about this uh you know it's at one point it was uh it was just like we're all against um I mean we were all against uh someone and then later on in life it changed and that was your your presumably dad initially and we were all against him uh just because everything I was was getting feeding like feeding like all this information that I didn't know if it was true or not and it was hard for him to tell us the truth just because he cared so much about us and if he told us the truth on everything why they got divorced and all this that we would never speak to him again but matter of fact when I found out the truth from him I mean I almost got up and punched him just because I was pissed I was I was angry um I'm like how could you do that uh but we settled it cleared everything out and me and my dad are closer than we've ever been right now and I'm happy that it happened cuz he's so happy right now and Natalie my stepmom well I don't even call her my stepmom anymore I call her mom because she is my mom what she how she treats me my family is and my dad like she's the best she's the best thing that's ever happened this is something that I don't regret happened because they're happy and that's all I want how did it impact your relationship with your mom um well when it happened it was we were all on my mom's side um but then later on in life uh when I told [Music] her um when I told her that I was she was going to be a grandma and I'm having a kid um she said some very very hurtful things that kind of ended our relationship me and her what what did she say I mean I don't know if I really want to put this on she just said some things uh to me and my wife that I mean I can get over it but I just want an apology from her and she said she'll never apologize she has nothing to say sorry for and from there on it's I haven't spoken to her in years and honestly I hate to say this I don't care I'm happy right now with the my family I my job is to protect my family and I will do anything no matter what to protect my family what's the likelihood you think it could be repaired knowing uh my mom she's stubborn as hell she'll never apologize so I mean sounds like you're stubborn too I am too yeah and that's probably where I get it from and all I want is a a sinere apology to me and she has a lot of kissing to my wife and my kids but I can get over it but I know she won't it's just her is whatever the issue is significant enough to let it keep you guys apart yeah I mean it has uh I mean it's but like like I said I've moved on I moved on from that cuz it was so hurtful and so hurtful to my family and the only thing I know how to do is to protect my family now and I I have a great mom upstairs and a dad um and my kids have a great grandparents like I swear like my mom upstairs like she has more energy than I do I'm like how the heck can you do this and like she's a saint and my dad is just the happiest person ever right now and I love that how did it impact the relationships that your other siblings have with her um I don't know I mean it it's definitely it's definitely our family's definitely split um my oldest sister and my mom are kind of In Cahoots and they like they have their own kind of life um me and my other SI my older younger sister of the two are together and my brother he kind of like back and forth wishy-washy he doesn't really talk to anyone in the family except for me just and my dad sometimes um but yeah he doesn't like he talks to me every day um just because we stay close no matter what um but yeah I mean I guess since the divorce I guess it's basically when my family kind of splitted in a way I mean obviously it is what it is but it how how would you like it to be I don't know if I think the only thing I would like is my siblings where we were closer together I do miss that but like I said I'm I'm what does Kayla say she's happy right now like we don't talk about it yeah because it was just some something that happened to me and her and and that crushed us and but we moved forward and we stuck together as a family and we have a family and we love it and we're happy Michael Phelps another guy another somebody you know for known for a long time um how would you describe how competitive the two of you were with one another I want to say because I was part of it it's like um a Magic Johnson and Larry Bird type rivalry I mean it was awesome I had so much fun because it was Michael Phelps the best swimmer ever and I was in his era and I was able to beat him and he was beating me and we were just going back and forth and we respected each other so much and I mean he's been through a lot just like I have and he's overcome it um and we talk we still talk now that he's not swimming what were you talk about um you know after uh Rio and everything I was I was in a dark place and I was just reaching out being like I need help somebody helped me and he was giving me advice I'm like how can you do this like like after being like have everyone hated on you how can you get back in the water and still like train for your goal like how can you do this and he's like you just got to look to your family and like him telling me like little goals so in swimming terms we have like um you take six kicks for every one stroke okay so it's a called a sixspeed kick um and he was like just try that and call me later after the month and see how you feel so I tried it and I mean my legs were on like Rock Solid I was hauling I was like you little sh he like dang it how do you know all these things I think I like him now better than when me and him raced against each other I mean that kind of makes um not just because like he's I'm not racing against him is because he's um he's grown up a lot he has a family now so I I honestly think like once you have a like kids of your own like life changes um and he's here to help now like he wouldn't give me out pointer pointers when we racing against each other no but um yeah he's giving out pointers like he wants to be a big a role model for everyone when you guys were competing against one another describe what those competitions were like uh I mean it wasn't like oh I'm going to whoop you like it wasn't negative negative it was more like you know you're going to you're going to have to pull everything out of you in order to beat me cuz I'm not going to go down that easy and that's how our mentality was I think he says this um still to this day like out of all his competitors he's ever raced against I'm his hardest competitor cuz I never backed down I mean that would make sense too you're the outside of him you're the most accomplished swimmer ever yeah and you know um I mean like those kind of things I mean go through one ear out the other but when he said that I kind of stuck with me I'm like wow that's like am I am I that good like I don't know it it seems like you don't view yourself in the same way that you're achievement should warrant no not at all why like if people like say oh my God you're like a superstar you're like you have all these golden medals world records I'm like oh I do oh awesome sweet it's not I'm not going to be like oh check this out like I'm not like that at all if he was never a swimmer do you think your results would be better or worse see I have to say yes and no just because we pushed each other there's been sets in practice where I'm like you know a felt did this he'd go even faster so I'd like push myself even harder just because I know he's out there training just as hard but then again like just my mentality of me wanting to just get better and get faster um if it wasn't there maybe I would have all these more like World Records more U gold medals I don't know um all I know is that during the Phelps era we pushed each other and we made the best swimmer out of each other I want to ask you about a couple notable moments from your career the first being uh the 2004 Olympic trials where you qualified for the games for the first time not only ensuring that you'd be an Olympian for the first time but that your dad a long time swimming coach had not only his first ever student in the Olympic Games but it just so happened to be a son for me it was my goal was always ever since I was little it was about 92 Olympic games um I remember seeing um I actually have a cap of him uh he was a Pablo Morales he was a hunter butterflyer for the US it says to Ryan keep on flying and I just remember being like him and he's like that's when I set my goals I was like I want to make the Olympic team but I just don't want to make the Olympic team I want to get a gold medal and while getting a gold medal I want to break a world record and so growing up like that was always kind of like that goal and um you know just all the workouts that my dad had to put me through and to see me grow and to actually see his son not just a swimmer of his his actual son um um I could definitely see my dad being very very emotional the 208 Olympic Games Yes gold medal in the backstroke final take me through from the very tail end of that race till you go up to your dad oh told myself I wasn't going to get te for this but I remember pushing Off the Wall going into the last 50 of the 200 backstroke in Beijing and I could see out of the uh the corner of my eye like Aaron psel which is the current world record holder had it for so many years um never lost that race uh I just remember towards the end of the race we are going neck and neck stroke for stroke stroke and I remember like staring up at the ceiling and being um if there's anyone up there help me and then um for some something happened and I got this burst of energy or something and it like someone just slingshotted me to the Finish I just remember touching that wall and seeing Lane um I think it was like Lane five like Ryan locky and it had a big WR WR meaning world record and and I won and I just remember leaning back and just looking up and being like thank you I finally did it and to have your dreams come true I can't I can't put in words my dream finally came true and I gave him a big hug [Music] and I said dad I did it because now not you're great then after that I probably said like h yeah right no I'm not I got another race soon um and I just walked off and but yeah is that the moment for you yeah um there I want to completely uh shift your here but I don't know if we can grab a yeah tissue before we go I didn't want to interrupt it get everybody tear up here Ryan a great story I remember that is it is uh Vivid now is it yeah just because I remember just running up to him and hugging him being like Dad I did it and then he said now you're great cuz for the longest time he's like you're good but you're not great yet he said that to you yeah until until you get a gold medal and break a world record cuz that was my goal that was my dream and once it happened he said now now you're great have you guys talked about that moment uh since then um yes a little um not as much um cuz like me I don't really dwell on the like I don't I can't say dwell I mean I don't really think about the past yeah I just keep moving forward um but I think this yeah I think that was like this is one of the times where I actually put myself back in 2008 yeah at that moment I want to talk to you about uh Rio to what extent do you think the public generally thinks all that was entirely made up by you when in fact the large majority of it was true I think everyone in this world I mean just knowing what I know now it's like people just read the headlines and I mean I'm not I'm not I'm not blaming anything on like social media or media I'm not doing that because you know it was me I did it um but I wish they did get the full story and they actually had the full story the facts which I said um I just fabricated just one little part about the gun um not being like pointed at my forehead um it was like four or 5 ft away at my chest um that's the thing I fabricated but everything else was true uh and it just ran like it just went spread like wild fire uh it was all over um thing I hate the most is it happened during Olympics and it took away these other athletes Glory the people winning a medal it took away or being at the Olympics it took away from that because this took over everything I got home and I couldn't turn on the TV without seeing my face on there I shouldn't have went on social media and I did and I was reading comments of we I was getting death threats being like you need to die go kill yourself you're scum um just the worst of the worst uh thing that got me the most was the little kids being like I used to look up to you and now I don't that's what got me but I mean everything happens for a reason and my wife now Kayla she was my girlfriend at the time time of only a number of months of only a number of months and she stuck with me through this and if this didn't happen who knows like we probably wouldn't have gotten married or like we have no idea like there's only one way to go between in me and Kayla's relationship and that's up because we basically we've hit rock bottom um and we've been through the worst of the worst and but we stuck together and she actually she's my rock she she helped me through everything got to a point where I was crying and I was like Cayla maybe if I like I said maybe if I like go to sleep and not wake up it will be fine for everyone cuz I just didn't want anyone to be sad or hurt by by me meaning like if I went to a remote island and and would just disappeared um then everyone would be happy um that's what was going through my head and then Caleb basically kind of slapped me and said you're you're better than this like don't let them win you know what happened like you have to fight this like we're going to fight this together and I did and I'm still trying to fight my way back when you see your two swimming teammates get taken off their plane in Brazil so they can't fly back to the States because of it what are you thinking I was I was cussing I was cussing a lot at my house I was like this is this is bull crap like they shouldn't they should be able to go home like this is all my fault like everything I put on me cuz it was it was everything was my fault after that sponsors just everyone left me I had no one not one single person except my family um and then a couple of my friends everyone else left me um so now it's like it's hard getting like sponsorships now even though like leading up to maybe my fifth Olympics it's going to be like one of the biggest stories just because of my old age and um and everything and everything that's happened in in my life well I mean not just because of your age I mean it' be your fifth Olympics and you're again one of the most accomplished Olympians in history so but there and there's a comeback story to right um it's just hard to get new sponsors now um what do they say just like if they like say oh we Googled like this company I was going to sign with them in like they said oh we googled your name and the first thing like that popped up was like your um something about Rio and then I'm like so we're just going to put it on pause I'm like all right so it's this is uphill battle right now what was the 10mon ban for that you received I think it was for breaking the protocol rule of like being out late like it was just the biggest story so I feel like USA swimming was like well we have to give them a pretty hefty like band because it's so big and then you're just finally through that first band and then you're you know completely innocent getting a what is it B12 IV I got a yep I got a B12 um IV cuz C was was sicker than a dog um my son Kaden was sick and like everyone was getting sick and I didn't want to get sick like I can't afford to get sick for my family like that will take me out of swimming like I can't do that so and you guys post a picture of it on Instagram not knowing anything because I was like oh I'm getting B12 not one performance enhancement at all it was vitamins and um I guess USA some wanted to make a an example out of me again or something I don't know so I agreed I was like you know what this is my fault I I agree with whatever sentence you guys give me and they gave me a 14 month ban because of um I was I had too much liquid in an IV uh intravenus um it was the amount of liquid I was like so wait you're saying I could have had just regular water or I could have had straight steroids and it would still be the same they're like yeah you just can't have that much liquid in an IV and I'm like okay it was actually after that second band that you reach your lowest point right yeah after that second band I was like maybe I should just stop I mean what I went to four Olympics I have oh um 12 Olympic medals like that's pretty good run like maybe I should just give it up um but no I uh I want to I want to prove everyone wrong I read a quote where you said you recognized at the time though if if if you continued down the path you were continuing down you said you thought you'd end up dead oh 100% it one bad thing after another that was happening and I was just in this spiral like staircase going just down down down I was just always getting in trouble like I was drinking too much um I was just not my head wasn't in the right spot and it was just kicking down doors of hotel rooms [Music] or just doing anything stupid just not thinking with a clear head why did you decide to go to rehab because I wanted to I started realizing like this is not me like this is not Ryan locky I was like I need to wake up and smell the coffee like I need something I need to change something so I did I checked myself in rehab and just like hearing other people's stories I was like man if I just keep going like I'm going to wind up dead but yeah it was a wakeup call it was just I was going down the wrong tube you said without Rio I never would have woken up I never would have wanted to change probably wouldn't have the family I do now mhm why because I'm a firm believer of everything happens for a reason if I didn't if that didn't happen in Rio it wouldn't have probably gotten me and Kayla closer together and and then we probably would have never got married we would never had kids like my mental state is just it's because of her cuz she's stuck by me I'm like still sometimes I lay in bed I'm like look over I'm like how the hell are you still here like any person in their right mind we were only dating for a couple months and she went through the ringer she said one of the moments with you where she realized the relationship was different was when you guys were together and you were talking about family and the desire to be a great dad that was our very first like kind of conversation we had it was 8 hours long and I mean I could say this now because back then it was like I mean I was like with a Playboy centerfold I was like man I'm going to get lucky like that's what I was like thinking but we did and she said you started messaging her like a couple couple months out of you going to LA on Instagram Instagram you're going to be there in 3 weeks two weeks a week three days I was very persistent um because I man I was like I'm going to get lucky I'm going to like like this is awesome but we we didn't even hook up we kissed but we talked for 8 hours straight and we just it was a real deep conversation like I talked I was like I really want a family of my own like and like my biggest fear in life is not being a good father that is still today my biggest fear why because I don't want that and especially now of having a children of my own that's my biggest fear is not being a good father not being able to be there for my family um and we had this long talk and after that conversation um it was actually a genius on my part I left I had this um black um bent um brightening watch that is covered in black diamonds uh very expensive and I left it at her place and so the next day I was like hey um I need to get your I need I left my watch there cuz I did it on purpose um so I could see her again she held on to it saw again we started dating and everything uh so how did you propose so so I I did a little like research before this um I found out like what her favorite ring is I was like oh got it I just want to make it bigger so everyone knows that she's taken and so we take this helicopter ride and we went down the coast and up uh Malibu and then we landed on top of a mountain I made sure on top of the mountain there was a picnic table that had roses um champagne everything I had practice like this whole speech everything nailing it like towards the end right the day before I was like I have this speech down like I know exactly what I want to say it's going to be perfect she sees these roses and everything she's like what is this I was like oh I um they just set this up for us you know the helicopter place I thought it' be nice just to look out have perfect view so she goes over by the edge looks over and like the mountains the sun was setting beautiful and I get down on one knee and then like I can't get the ring out of my pocket I cannot it's like I'm like going to rip my jacket because I'm like this and then she turns she's like what are you doing she starts like knowing she starts crying and like laughing at the same time and like I pull it out and I show her and I was like all that could come out of my mouth was like I love you so much will you marry me that's it I totally ruined my entire speech everything and she was like crying like laughing but she didn't say yes yet I'm like is that a yes and she's like yes of course and so we get in this limo and we go to noou and we had our private like dining section and her family was there they're like surprise and she just busted out crying even more I was like yes I did it cuz it's so hard to surprise her tell about uh each of your kids oh my God kayen Kaden is more like Kayla um he's so smart he's a boy so he likes to get into like Mischief like be a little troublemaker but he has the biggest heart like if we play like play cry like be he'll come over and start petting me and be like are you okay Daddy it's okay it's okay and like he'll give me a hug he's like I'm here I'm like who are you like who is this little kid it's amazing um his eating habits are I'm to blame because I have bad eating habits he knows what candy is for sure cuz I've gave him him some candy so like if he doesn't if Mom says no he'll be like he'll come to me and I'm a little guppy when it comes to my children he'll be like Daddy can I have an Oreo cookie I'm like yeah sure and then he'll be eating it and then Kay will be like what the hell I just said he couldn't I was like I'm sorry I get I get caught redheaded um kayen that's kayen kayen is um he likes swimming um one of the mo my proudest moments like it happened about a couple weeks like two weeks ago he's learning how to swim and we went to the pool me and him and we both had goggles on and and he's still getting used to the pool and everything but he was swimming stroke for stroke with me and that to me like I busted out crying like I was just like this is the best moment like yeah you see your son you like Father and Son like play catch no it was me and my son swimming together and it was just like he got back home he's like I swim with Daddy I'm like [ __ ] this is the best thing ever like it can't get better than this could you see him getting into swimming you know I want my everyone said like oh you're going to push your son into swimming I'm like no I'm going to I'm whatever my son does I want him to do 100% like if he picks soccer if he picks drawing like do it 100% don't half it like that's not what you're here to do like you're going to give it your all all right but try it I want you to try I want him to try everything and if he doesn't like it he doesn't have to do it uh what about your daughter my daughter she's more like me like she's just chill she's just chill she's a princess she's just like Daddy come pick me up like I'm not doing this she's like the bougie type her name is Liv but we call her [ __ ] but she's more she's more like me just really chill goes with the flow finances uh what did you think of Alex Rodriguez's CNBC episode with you now that it's over and everything I don't have anything to hide like I didn't like it like the perception that he portray to my wife was completely wrong we were looking at cars cuz we want had a trade in her car for the show whatever and to cut down our expenses and um they made her say like oh this is no like being like no this is not I would never drive this and that's not her and it portrayed her as being this superficial person and that's not H at all and I was really hurt about that part because I have to protect my family and I was pissed off about that I was like this is [ __ ] like what are they doing but there's some things that did help like you know doing um um uh like apologies um you know like to my teammates to uh some people like that that I mean that helped me out because I don't know if I would have the courage to do that um but you know at the end of the show he got me this big deal for this uh company called fit plan but I haven't been paid from them I was supposed to be getting paid like monthly but I only been paid three times and that that deal started in November last year what did they say they just say um they say so it's not fair for us to pay you all this money if you don't get all these subscribers I just recently reached out even like a month ago to Alex being like dude I know you got me like your show was back in the game there was a good and bad things that happen out of this but back in the game like I'm not really back in the game like I'm still back at where I started before the show started like so what did you really like are you going to try to get me another deal or what and like haven't heard anything from him when the sponsors drop post Rio um collectively uh how much money do you think went away Millions I could I can't I can't put a number on it just a lot I saw somewhere maybe like 5 to 10 I was projected to go that way yeah okay yeah uh how how did it affect you I mean every sponsor that I had and I was supposed to collect all these bonuses because of me getting another medal everyone just dropped me so I just lost out on so much money and the negative effect that it had afterwards I couldn't get any new sponsors what was the moment you realized you were in trouble financially um I guess like really bad um was when basically the Alex Rodriguez show cuz he basically showed me like the business side the business world and like showing you like all my expenses that I've been doing having and how absurd it is and how you need to start cutting back which I mean I wish I paid more attention to that kind of stuff at such a younger age when I started making money y back in 2007 or six um because then I would have been PR well more prepared um that I am right now I was going to say how much of it how much of getting in that trouble was because of sponsors dropping and how much was because of just spending beyond your means predating that um well well pre-dating Rio and everything it was I was the type of person cuz I loved seeing everyone happy I love seeing that and so like if I go out to a bar I will buy probably everyone in the bar a shot or something or a drink just because when I give it to them that that one little moment of them smiling being like wow like thanks that makes me happy and that's why I would do all these things how hard was selling the shoe collection U we're still trying to do that now I mean I still have boxes and boxes in the storage of shoes that are worth like $1,500 and I have like 200 so it's like why and it's just stupid things that I was doing what do you think you learned from going through the financial challenges um just on how stupid I am about my financials like and how careless I am like I never really looked at it I never cared to cuz I just knew at that time money was just always coming in and now that I have a family of my own it's like a big slap on my across my face is like I could have had all this money saved up and everything for my kids and everything but I was just careless we're doing better way better than I was uh but yeah it's just like we're still learning all right you talked about being a people pleaser and obviously there's positives and negatives of of that but the the reality show that you did and then the subsequent lawsuit to get out of it what can you tell about just kind of going through that experience oh I mean the reality TV show that I did um isn't reality it wasn't reality at all um it was scripted like if we did a scene with me and my family or anything they'd be like all right Ryan so let's let's do this again but you say it this way but I was like that I wouldn't really say it that way but I hadn't I was like a deer in headlight like I was like okay and so the show portrayed me as like just some person that I'm not I can't say it was horrible because I did get to meet little Wayne because of it so I thought that was the best thing ever and I mean I guess you could say at the end of the day like like later on in life being like Oh so I can say I had my own reality TV show I guess that's a checklist I guess I don't know how difficult was getting out of it because you know maybe you wanted to get out of it for the right reasons and people that you worked with might have wanted to keep you in it for their own motivations yeah I mean it was my agent at the time I wanted to part ways because I was going I didn't like the way I like my image was going and I wanted to leave and apparently I just listened instead of actually reading a contract or anything I just listened being what was said about it and it wasn't true and said like oh you're stuck with me blah blah blah and so we went got sued but we had a settlement for a lot of money so like for for another four years or three year three or four years she was collecting money and I never even saw her co uh how's it impacted your life I hate to say this because like this is huge like and it's a affecting so many people around the world and I hate that because it's just one bad thing after another that you hear on TV that's happening to people which I don't want but I'm loving it being um quarantine because I spend so much time with my family now I go to swim practice I come home and I'm at home with my kids and my wife and we just we're getting closer like as a family and and I love that so much and I can spend more time with them I understand your 99-year-old grandma had it yes and if you want to talk about someone that needs credit she does she's a hard she's a tough cookie she she ain't going down without a fight um I mean yeah she got it and she had no symptoms and she fought at 99 if I could live that long that'd be awesome likelihood you think the 2021 Olympic games are cancelled please come on don't even put that in my head I don't even want to think about that no no no it just can't it won't I'll have my own Olympic Games then in my backyard or something um I mean I really hope it doesn't but what can you do it's not in our hands like we have to do what what everyone else says and we have to stay safe and you know just pray for the best like it's going to work itself out um if it happens great cuz I'm [ __ ] ready and if it doesn't then it doesn't but I'm not going to give up I'm still going to go like my goal is to make my fifth Olympics and to get another medal I'm going to try that what do you do with your medals outside of the Olympic ones oh outside the Olympic I was like the Olympic on I think some of them are here but um every medal that I've ever won I don't have I've given them away so back in 2007 when I won a World uh I broke a world record um I gave that medal away and I give them all the way to fans because that moment like when I when I put that metal around their neck they're like either crying hysterically because they're so excited or they're smiling from ear to ear and I'm like you know what that's why I do this just for that I love that like I this it makes me want to swim and train even harder and get more metal so I can be a able to do that and give that spark to someone else how did in interaction as a kid in an Indianapolis Hotel uh impact your perspective on that my dad told you that yeah well I'm not going to say the name of the swimmer I just don't want to Mark Spitz no no no no no um I'm not going to say the name but um he was a USA swimmer great USA swimmer one Golds um but I saw him walking uh past our room and I'm like oh my gosh that's him so I get a piece of paper and Pen it was just me and him in the elevator I was like hey can you sign this for me and he goes no and I immediately was I was like in my head I was like why like you're not doing anything like can you just sign this for me like please and like I was crushed like I looked up to this guy and he said no I couldn't like he wouldn't be able to sign it and I was just my heart was broken basically and then I remember saying I was like if I ever get in that position I will never say no still to this day when someone comes up and says Ryan can I have an autograph I'm like what like are you serious like me why me like oh my God awesome like that's so cool like and I love that I love that that people want that like it's so cool I have a few questions left in the remaining moments uh but how about the the quality that you're most proud of when it comes to yourself what do you mean or like what about yourself are you most proud of um that I will never give up I'm a fighter I can keep fighting um I mean I mean you've seen it like I've been knocked down so many times but I keep getting up and keep fighting um with swimming so many people said no like you can't do that watch me yes I can and I find a way to make myself better and keep pushing forward what do you want to do after competitive swimming I don't know there's so many things I do want to do like I love kids um so I love like one of the things that I really want to do is like you know those music tours that you see like those big buses sure so I want to have that but for swimming like uh a tour bus for me that I go to major cities and put on swim clinics and teach kids how to swim how freaking awesome would that be like I would love that that would be so cool do you find the unknown of what you're going to do Post competitive swimming exciting nerve-wracking I mean it's it's a little bit of both will I be depressed because swimming is um a big part of my life I don't know I don't know what D un N I don't know um but I am excited because new adventure A New Journey a new life like what's going to happen d so can we end the interview with uh you saying the word you tried to trademark a sh I thought I put that behind me all right I can do it I can do it for you wait you should pick one of those cameras pick this one all right I'll give you a good one I all right this is funny ready yeah [Laughter] CH thank you very much yeah