Browse Transcripts

Category: Comedy

Welcome to the daily show! my name is jon stewart. the second presidential debate has just wrapped up. we are live. well, technically, technically, i guess this is the second presidential debate. the first presidential debate of this match up. i can't wait to see who the winner will take on next i think.... Read more

Category: Comedy

Please welcome sasheer zamata. [applause] n/a n/a n/a sasheer. - jordan. oh my gosh. - oh my gosh. - oh my gosh. oh my gosh. i see this-- is it witch season already? it's been witch season. it's spooky time. it is. it comes earlier every year. is that because of, like, dark magic? - money. - it's money.... Read more

Category: Comedy

Yo, yo, yo, yo, what's up, everybody? [cheering, applause] it's john leguizamo here. look, in two short months, america is going to be deciding whether to let kamala harris, its first woman, or donald trump, its grossest man. and i'm here because you know how every time they say that a bell rings an... Read more

Category: Comedy

It's honestly exhausting trying to keep up with the right-wing media's spinning and its lies and if you were paying attention yesterday you probably saw this picture of joe biden where he's wearing a trump 2024 hat and a bunch of trump fans called him scile and demented which was mean and also a weird... Read more

Category: Comedy

Joe biden was at an event honoring the first responders on september 11th and several people at the event were wearing trump shirts he approached a man wearing a trump hat and the two of them kind of hit it off presidential hat presidential seal on it you're ar gra oh sure i'll h you remember your name... Read more

Category: People & Blogs

The daily show debate wrap up a hilarious take on the political circus welcome to the daily show john stewart with his signature wit delivers a comedic analysis of the second presidential debate in a way only he can john begins by humorously emphasizing that while this may be the second debate it feels... Read more

Category: Comedy

We've basically got a tied race the candidates are doing everything they can do to ramp up the excitement kamla is speaking to voters in pennsylvania in spice stores trump is speaking to voters encased in bulletproof glass and jd vance is trying to counter accusations that he's weird by swimming in... Read more

Category: Comedy

[theme music] we just witnessed a debate between president joseph robinette biden versus former president donald robinette trump. [laughter] it was a highly anticipated affair, according to the network that was running it. the first biden trump debate a little over one month away right here on cnn.... Read more

Category: News & Politics

Did you know that absentee ballots are about to go out in north carolina in other words it's time to start thinking about let's vote so important this will be the most important election in the history of our country so whether it's mail-in ballots early voting voting on the day you got to get out and... Read more

Category: Comedy

[applause] we are now just 53 days away from the election and the candidates are pulling out all the stops to build out their coalitions on the republican side donald trump has been flying around the country with far-right internet troll laura lumer a 911 conspiracy theorist who trump brought to a 911... Read more

Category: Comedy

On the democratic side kamla harris is basking in the endorsement of taylor swift who posted her support to her 283 million instagram followers this week which i'm sure the conservatives are taking it well i'm allowed to criticize taylor swift and i don't give a sh who gets upset this is disgusting... Read more

Category: Comedy

I love the content but i hate the hat can you take off that stupid hat why do you wear the hat well today we're going to talk about it what's up everybody ty rivera here the absolute best lgbtq comedian in the world if you pay attention to my channel if you're a regular watcher you know i'm always wearing... Read more

Category: Comedy

I knew there would be some wu-tang apparel when you walked out there. well, after you sung the praises of wu-tang at your chicago convention show. you saw that? yeah, of course i did. you talked about how that era, 1991-1995, four best years in american history. i agreed. - you agree, right? - i agreed.... Read more

Category: Entertainment

Bye-bye pictures is there it's bigger you c park exciting news nice dan myer could get used to long roll up roll up to the greatest show in the world lights camera action good morning so today i've got a mother daughter date with my kim we're going to go to to see beetle juice beetle juice so i've just... Read more

Category: Comedy

So a storied career. you're one of the first employees at microsoft. you become a ceo of microsoft. you own the los angeles clippers. you have this dream life that, as a kid, you probably never even thought those were the heights that you might be able to attain. and in that moment, you turn your attention... Read more

Category: People & Blogs

Usually when donald trump gets a spanking like this from a woman it's with a forbes magazine what a what a k was pushing his buttons like a 12-year-old playing fortnite it was oh this was a much better debate than the last debate uh this is like the lion king when simba came back to avenge mufasa trump's... Read more

Category: Comedy

Welcome to the daily show. i am jordan klepper. we got so much to talk about tonight. kamala and trump prepare for tomorrow night's debate. we hunt down the person who's sending you all those campaign emails. and dick cheney is once again taking shots at his republican friends. so, let's get into our... Read more

Category: Comedy

Please welcome hannah berner. [cheering, applause] n/a n/a i mean, look, this is amazing. this is-- you're so daily show. i tried to match the energy. yeah. [laughs] [cheering, applause] that's great. that's great. congrats on your special. - thank you. it's doing great. its very funny. i feel like... Read more

Category: Comedy

- [questioner] what are your thoughts on the tennis in "challengers"? - oh, great. you have an opinion on this. you mean the movie "challengers"? yeah. - i've talked so much shit about this movie. and i support women in the arts. zendaya is like my favorite. i love that they put a woman in sports. it's... Read more

Category: Comedy

You know that that joker to i think is coming out it's a it's a musical but they don't want to admit that it's a musical because you know all the the guys don't want to be like i'm seeing a musical and there was so there was a press conference with lady gaga today and and she said she said it's not... Read more