Dave Portnoy Declares War on Dan BERNSTEIN After Last Name Drama + Shannon Fiedler Interview

Start and I win I'm not the best Sketch Maker in my family group text are you kidding what is any of this for what is the point of any of [Music] us all right before we get to the podcast quick announcement we uh we added a date to our out of order live tour um we will now be in Chicago October 23rd La Chicago tickets are on sale now we sold out in Boston New York and Philly so I'm sure these will sell out fast so go get your tickets now um if you want to come see fights do stand up for the first time Nick Teran will be there K will be there sass will be there whole crew unreleased sketches behind the scenes Q&A special guest it's going to be a great time laugh actor oh laugh Chicago October 23rd go get your tickets bang let's get to the podcast it's another edition of KFC radio brought to you by jackpocket when you see my Miami white glasses you know it's jackpocket time I didn't win I went in Texas one Dam [ __ ] Texas and you know there's no taxes yeah so wait a minute it could be a KFC radio buyer though could be never know and I think actually somebody did say to me in my DMs thanks for the free ticket I'll give you 10 million if it hits oh maybe that's a guy fromex it was it was last night so I gotta go check my DS um I just can't imagine I can't wait for the day when it happens when you're just like looking at your phone or your computer actually you know what you won't you'll just just get an alert now that you're on jackpocket I was thinking about you know you used to like sit there on the TV and Yolanda Vega is putting the numbers the balls out you're like yes yes yes yes and now can you imagine just getting the The Noy it's like jackpocket says you have won $800 million oh my God that would be insane that would be one day my friends one day it'll happen because jackpocket is the world's number one lottery app you just download the jackpocket and you can buy your ticket to any of The Lottery by the way we've been talking about Mega Millions and Powerball they have the pick the easy pick three extra four whatever you just pick like a couple and you can win like 100 Grand here 50 Grand there they got all all sorts of lottery games all right on your phone so uh anytime you're just sitting there scrolling the other apps you can just pop in jackpocket fund your account buy some tickets boom pop out and next thing you know you might be a 100 millionaire and when I say that you might just do it for free I mean it literally because right now you can use promo code KFC for one free ticket so you know no such thing as a free lunch no such thing as a free Mega Millions jackpot uh disagree download Jack literally free use code KFC get one free ticket it's America's number one lottery app and the official partner of barcal sports you Presidential Debate Recap think your girl Taylor Just swayed the election no but I don't I do think she's so [ __ ] smart man in what regard I mean she is but why like just waiting until right after the debate cuz like if she did 3 weeks ago it's just liberal Hollywood it's liberal this and that you didn't listen to both sides even though it's been 10 right after the debate I heard there was an AI thing going around of her like endorsing Trump yeah well no Trump tweeted it or Trump posted it it was someone else posted it and then he so happy I'm unplugged on this enough that I didn't even know that happened he like he like truthed it or whatever the [ __ ] you call it it was like I I I think he was kidding I don't think he really thought it was but it was like he quoted like I accept or that is a smart by head that's why she mentioned that in the in the thing where it was like uh and I think you know you know she'll throw Britney Mahomes in time out and never hang out with her again do you think so obviously I mean in a real sense there probably are people who are DieHard swifties who don't vote who will now maybe go vote uh like like there's no like everybody who's a Swifty was already but do you think there's because there's Swift there's so many right so you think there's like a couple hundred thousand swifties out there who were like thought we had her yeah thought we had her this was the year like I thought we were going to get a get a get a God bless Donald Trump from her I love that I love when they say God bless Donald Trump again this guy would spit on your face if he saw you in you know Middle America but do you think that there's some you know some girls out there or anybody out there listening to tortured poets and being like Taylor Swift is perfect and then like sees that and like or you know their dad's like throwing their [ __ ] you know throwing the [ __ ] out the window I mean I I have to imagine the V diagram of KLA Harris and Taylor Swift is fully just one Circle but I don't Taylor's got a lot of fans no no one's going to change their vote not no one I'm sure there are some way no one in the world is going to change their vote for anything yeah well everyone basically I was actually last night I was watching the uh like CNN they had like a town hall after with like undecided voters and they were talking to them and I was like this is so dumb I even get like a mochrum of like even even a little worked up about this because yes it all matters it it genuinely does obviously but like this is going to be decided by 5,000 people in Arizona Georgia Texas notas I didn't watch [ __ ] anything like there was some woman who was like came into this undecided I voted for Trump and this and that and I was like I guess I just don't even understand how you can be at that point here like now yeah so it's like it doesn't it m the stuff matters I hate when people like it doesn't matter like my life won't change like you're right it won't probably so vote for the person who [ __ ] is going to help other people you like um and the uh but the the IDE like this it's silly to get worked up about because it's like it do what I do and and who I like my people don't aren't going to affect this yeah it's going to be some person in of swing state who hasn't really paid attention I love to think though that there's somebody out there who is a Swifty and is like oh okay yeah I gotta vote for Donald Trump I gotta vote for KLA right but at the same time they're also like they're eating the dogs back over to Donald we can't have meeting the dogs that was insane did you see that moment I didn't I I was in and out I didn't watch the whole thing that moment I I I had I gasped like I I I dropped the I was playing video games watching I dropped the controller I was like what and I know that that like there's is like some police report listen I can I can go to Chinatown right now and find you a bunch of people eating cast I was going to say that like that's the point like the everything's based in reality so there is some truth to that I don't know where it is dog for lunch by 2 p.m. like there is some truth to that yeah and I bet you there's some Haitian immigrants who [ __ ] not that there's any regular truth to it it is like uh racist drum that's beaten all the time but like there will be a specific incident that someone can reference like this is what he was talking about and then you like well that's if you watch that's not how he was saying it like one single person did it he was saying that everyone was I guarantee you there's some Haitian doing some Voodoo chopping the hat off of a cat and then they eat it I don't know but to uh to throw that out there at the debate like it's like you know we got to talk about abortion inflation eating the pets Afghanistan it's like [ __ ] it the way way he dropped that also listen I you know there's obviously the Spin Zone for all these Trump people is that he was like ambushed and it was three onone and all that [ __ ] which is interesting that everyone agrees he lost just you disagree about why well so that what's interesting is what I heard a lot of last night after the fact and there was a couple like hardcore like old school Republicans that I saw who were like he [ __ ] lost that debate you know and then like the like the Laura ingrams of the world who like basically just like sports center anchors but for politics now you know they're just getting paid they were like what are you saying like what do you mean you think he lost and he's like yeah he [ __ ] lost like like but even that like but but if you're saying they they so what I heard a lot of was um he ganged up and it was unfair which is kind of admitting you lost but it was same thing as the election you stole it from me it was unfair gang up and two the other thing was um well how much do the debates really matter Hillary won her debates she was so confident so it's like but then you're conceding that he lost which is real like I I I don't want to talk about it too much cuz I know I was saying recently that I don't like talking about politics not only talking about it but this is almost borders on like everybody's watching it last night it own thing the um what was I going to say yeah even that that CN thing I was watching afterwards like even those undecided like I I watched it personally and was like this is a blood bath blood bath and then they talked to those undecideds and it was 6040 so it's like well then how you know wa yeah there's again no reason to get to like I I think it was a blood bath in terms of uh just like presentation you know like what I was going to go back to my earlier point about whether or not you think the ABC News is skewed you know a lot of people agree if you don't whatever what they do need to figure out if you have any self-respect as a moderator you need to just be like we're not moving on until you answer my question well I actually disagree with that I can't I can't do that anymore when they just answer when they just come up with their own I think it's fine I I I it doesn't bother me when Cala did it it doesn't bother me when Trump did it because I think it's like I I I agreed to a debate not an interview you give me a topic I'm going to talk about my stuff on that topic you ask me about the like economy like I'm going to give I I'm going to give you my broad Strokes on the economy I have I have three minutes to sway voters on this topic I'm going to talk about what I want to talk about on it I actually think that but do you agree with this on topic yes on topic yes topic yes but so I'm saying when they're like what do you think about like inflation and he's like well you know inflation was down and K is at the border like [ __ ] up immigration it's like that's not what we're talking and they did a couple times say like but you know answer the question but then they let him off the hook every both sides every [ __ ] time but they I think that was like you do it once and you're like all right well clearly not doing it we don't have time to well and so that's what I mean they need to like have a a Tony real point system where it's like if you don't answer my question you get like minus 10 points yeah and and and we're we're going to have a winner a literal winner and a [ __ ] loser on them maybe that's what they should do is have a mute button and I and let Tony R do this [ __ ] so we can so you'll actually play by the rules I just I I was always told kamla Harris was like this she was a joke and she can't talk and the administration was hiding her in the basement and like that's why you never saw her and she went out there and again I don't did she say a single thing of like substance probably not but she smoked him in terms of like again presentation and presence and like I thought the whole thing was going to be like he was going to dance circles around her being like funny and witty and she was going to be like you know cuz I have seen enough clips clips you know where she's like uh you know but the thing is I uh you know just stuttering and stammering she was like on her [ __ ] last night yeah I well like I think it's so and I obviously did not know much about Cala until last night either um as far as her speaking is it Kamala yeah mamala remember it's Kamala yeah what I just called Kamala Kamala Kamala okay obviously I didn't know much about it um but I watched her I watched her know the president's name I watched her uh at the the convention and I was like wow that was a great speech and then I watched last night and I was like why were we ever surprised at the person who was a prosecutor a da a senator I know but that's the thing not that I was surprised I I didn't know one way or the other but that's also why I would never like go into politics because it's like you just get bumped up into this you're like the lowest level of the next tier you know what I mean it's like I was a [ __ ] gangster da or whatever you know and then it's like now you're just some you gota like beg for votes and [ __ ] you used to be like some [ __ ] you know nasty lawyer uh but anyway yeah that the eating dogs was I want like I hope that there's you know like an EDM remix and just like all these things of him just being like they're eating the dogs where my dogs at I do I do owe like an apology I think to to Maga people cuz like if that's how you guys felt after watching debates like I forgive everything cuz that hit like crack like afterwards like wow that was a blood maath well yeah I mean that was uh his his seventh debate her first it did not come across that way he used to smoke for those fools like and and now he's kind of the the the Biden because like he's old and also I can't he's always kind of done this but when he does the things like have you seen my plan it's a great plan it's the best plan it's the biggest plan have you seen her plan she has no plan it's like it's not even you're not even talking like talking like but that's what he's always done it just worked for a while I know and now it's just like not I guess I mean I also just didn't watch enough that so it's still like new to me in a sense but uh but yeah when you're like you know you're on like year you know almost like nine cuz he was like chirping out Obama for so long and [ __ ] I just just can't believe it's like bro you it was whatever year whatever year we killed Bin Laden that's when it started is that what it was that's what like launched him into CU I believe I thought it was the whole uh you're born in Africa well that's what it was but at by the time we killed Bin Laden Trump had started talking about running for president 11 I would say 12 but yeah right around then cuz no no no 11 11 second term right yeah so it was because I I remember I and maybe I'm misremembering but I think Seth Meyers was at that White House correspondence Center and that M that is important because that's where Obama gave the final go-ahead to go kill Bin Laden and like at the time he was killing Bin Laden Seth Meyers I believe was saying like Donald Trump's here and like he he made a joke about him running as president I think that's all the same correspondence it's all Seth I think it's like 13 years Seth Myers is but he had already said it he would be just making fun of the idea of it and then yeah it became it's the uh the uh you know 911 black perade oh it's 911 today I guess I forgot happy birthday to my mom by the way you want 911 yep I don't think I any of that yep she's uh she's she never cared about her birthday until 911 and now she's like now nobody even cares about my birthday so ridiculous have better sex with blue Chu blue Chu is the original brand offering the chewable tablets uh the erection enhancing tablets I like that erection the E eets the erection enhancing tablets help men achieve stronger harder and longer lasting erections for sexual activities and it's all done from the comfort of home I would hope so are people doing a lot of erection enhancing things outside of the home I think this is how you get it you get it you don't have to leave the home got it thanks 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fix it you go online you go to Blue uh and they'll hook you up and then you have all the confidence you need to have a healthy and happy uh relationship so right now blue blue CH subscriptions include a free online consultation 24/7 medical support and delivery straight to your door every month chew it and do it get your first month for free at uh blu.com use promo code KFC that's blu.com promo code KFC shout out to Blu Truth for sponsoring the Pod make sure they sponsor your dick I'm in a uh wait Feits isn't even the best sketch maker in his family group chat hang on I got tell oh yeah you got a story right so you went up to section 10 I went up to section 10 section 10 uh it Theory section 10 uh corus's baseball carabis Coley Steve peralt Jay ha bunch of those guys all did section 10 felberg was you were like an OG or just like a pop on pretty frequently in the beginning I I did not not even beginning because section 10 was around before Jared H bar still oh right right and so I I think I did about a year and a half maybe okay um I think it around the 2018 season so I am a World Series winner um and this was what like an anniversary of sorts or maybe it wasn't cuz Coy and Jared went on that duck booat so I would have gone on had I been on at that time so maybe not um sorry what did you say what what was this event was it it was section 10 night Atway they just had their own night yeah they threw out the first pitch like it was a now section 10 absolutely deserves it but they really do let anybody throw out the first oh it's anyone I mean SE section 10 is different but they deserve and they probably could have done it five years ago like they really earned it uh but like they just you know Major League Baseball just kind of like cracked the case that that if you let an influencer do it they will post about it and you just like get tagged and right uh you know Caucasian James yeah he did it the other day for the Brewers and his caption was they literally let anybody throw the like you know I mean did we talk about it on this EP on this show we talked about a little bit on uh we got to believe Frank throwing up the first pitch Rocky Mets wearing Rocky's gear is it's it's why Frankie Bry won best fan of barcol right right and and that's why he he deserved it and and there never should have been any uproar at all that was that man should be like stripped of all of all like fanhood pra I mean Marty got crushed for throwing one out at wearing a Cubs Jersey they weren't playing the Yankees wer just like they were playing another NL team I don't know who they were playing by I said if if they if I was at an opposing team if I was at a not my stadium and they asked me to wear the jersey and it wasn't Yankees Phillies Braves that's probably it I would probably just be like yeah I'll wear whatever you [ __ ] but any of those teams I think I would say no yeah I'm with on that Yankees I wouldn't Yankees probably the only ones I wouldn't to be honest I don't no one else I even carear Royals or Giants that's good too wait Giants they just of the theyve just broken our hard I you we Orioles you say Royals Royals Royals is a good one Giants a wild card game still bothers me a lot yeah I don't even think of that as I just think of that as Conor gispy nothing the [ __ ] Giants but yeah that's a good one um but anyway so section 10 night it's it's did you throw out the first pitch no no no no just the five current guys so it was uh Coy uh Steve Jared Jake Tyler um but I was on the field and it was it was all in all it was just like a great night like it was really cool to go they had um a meet and greet at House of Blues beforehand which is where we had the barcel awards saw some very cool pictures Coy posted they were awesome and um and like that was really cool and then we walk on the field and like I'm standing on the field of Fenway Park pregame just chatting with Alex Kora like have you ever been on the field in no not that I remember have you ever been in the field period anywhere I've been on other fields never at fway certainly never Fenway is a special something but being on a a real a major league baseball diamond is very cool it's like the green is the grass is greener and the dirt is nicer and the whole you know if you're into baseball it really is like it's like that moment with the the janitor but for baseball right you see the field his or his dad when he's like dude at one point I'm I'm I'm chatting with and it was just a bunch of chat with Alice Kora and I hear Johnny John boy and I like look over the Dugout my dad standing there taking a picture of me oh that's great he probably was loving it it's just like like that in of itself right there like just again just like talking to the Red Sox manager on the field defend Way Park before the game is something that like would I blow my mind as a young M and then I we have like a meet and greet the whole time afterwards and we're just talking to section 10 fans and stoies and they're coming up and they're like KFC radio's got me through hard times and out of order so funny and section 10 like I loved you on Section 10 and like just a great like very positive night I can just like hear you snickering and see him smirking and I know there is just some atomic bomb that's about to come one of my favorite FAL bre stories really is that good I could stop laughing I wish he didn't tell me I wish I heard on the show I got got to update the book man [ __ ] and and so I'm I'm now game ends socks blow him out I think it's was 123 final game ends driving home on this high of just like look socks beat the [ __ ] out of the playoff team Orioles maybe there's something there Brewing at Fenway I mean just like all these people talking about how good the work we do is and how like it matters to them and I'm like [ __ ] this [ __ ] like means something like you know when I I was just going to drive right home and I decided to reward myself with a uh I was like I was driving down 24 and I was like I'm going to get a [ __ ] been eating healthy I'm going to get smoothie I'm going get a uh not a smoothie a Sunday I you're rewarding yourself like friendlies or something the Murder King on 24 and Burger King yeah someone's been killed at it um Burger King and uh so I pull into the Burger King parking lot and I put the car in park I look at my phone and I open a family group text and the family crew text says wow so one person on this text Chang just did one and a half pull-ups a new record and another member joined the cast of SNL are you kidding me Jane so happy for you and I went I'm not the best Sketch Maker in my family group text are you kidding what is any of this for what is the point of any of this it went what posi like well there's no reason to do anything ever again cuz nothing matters who give me the details on this what happened how what so to be it is a it's a it's a group text of like like like extended family right so um you like like in the grand scheme of things just became a sketchr it's like like this is your it's like I'm a sketch riter now [ __ ] you so the the the group TX it's like um family members from like it's uncles nephews nieces all that [ __ ] yeah cousins and things like that and it's just it's just New York it's it's F feedable from the falberg family tree who live in New York City and we get dinner like once a year it's not a super active text chain so I was surprised to see a text from it yeah and it's my dad's cousin daughter so I think my second cousin third cousin yeah yeah yeah yeah she's on SNL now and then is a next text and then the next text in in the morning my aunt sends a text my actual blood a she goes maybe you can do something with John Henry and no one's replied to that can't even get a heart thumbs up or anything yeah what is the point what is the [ __ ] point man I um she is I mean I'm obviously joking she's exceptionally funny and all that stuff um well get the [ __ ] hook up I didn't know your second cousin was like you know like that get in [ __ ] get in get in get in with her ride that wave tell her to go to Lauren and be like my second cousin you know SNL isn't like anything that I'd ever thought like I I wouldn't even I wouldn't even want if they off well that to be very clear that's not the case but the like I like that was never a goal a goal like my goal is to work at barsal yeah but now that you're doing it do you did you ever feel that no but but like like literally no I I know it sounds silly and like yes if they just were like hey you're come offer your job I don't think it's it's not well I'm 35 years old I'm 36 years old dude I'm not going to go on SN I'll be like hey it's Uncle Johnny like like kids work on SNL SNL's for young people really yeah Rose Bud works for them she writes she's an old [ __ ] oh she's going to be acting on it yeah yeah know she's a cast I thought you said writing no she's a cast member yeah okie dokie okay cuz I was about to you know do a whole other thing to try to no it's done I was going to be like there's tons of like unnamed writers and like people who get their skits rejected she's on she's going to be on live TV every single night on front of millions okay what's her name uh Jane wickline shout out to Jane um but I don't think even even like when did Shane get his offer he was probably 30 no how old is Shane I don't even know Shane's my age I would I would say that was 7 eight years ago he in his 20s I I I it's not like only kids work on SNL but SNL is definitely like bro I I I I think it would be smart of SNL to like to try to do stuff like that like if if they went and got a popular a popular um you know person with a lot of followers and a lot of presence and their own show and all that already yeah no they did it they got Jane got J got Jane I mean like like like Jane she's got a million followers she's like she she they don't like hire nobody they hire very successful people yeah what she self self-made uh yeah uh Tik Tok Tik Tok following oh wow so you're just like definitely not I'm just second place in my family group chat of seven at the very specific thing I do well and there's also the then there's also the guy doing one and a half pull-ups too so that's they're kind of third well that was the text I went with i i wow that's amazing one and a half pull-ups that one went over pretty well people laughed at that did you um did you talk to her at all no I I don't really know her I I I I would imagine I've met her once or twice like I don't really know her but it's funny that it's like you're definitively not the most famous person or or successful person in your family that's funny in my very Niche category your specific yeah's Kevin yeah because it's like you know you're yeah uh if if uh Benny is like the best insurance salesman in the world and goes on to make like billions of dollars it's like fine but that's not my thing this is this my thing seven people I'm the second best what is the point what is the point of any of it bro God damn um but you know it was funny too going up to that uh Quiet Cars section 10 thing yeah I took the uh I took the quiet car the asella uh and I always do and the um Dam they should call it like the falberg club fights but the I sat down and the I had like a two-seater and you know it's like there the tables and like in front of me there are four people sitting there it's a family it's a husband wife and they're two kids yeah one's one's an infant baby and the conductor comes down and he's like what the [ __ ] are you doing like he was not very nice yeah he's like you can't have a baby on the quiet car and the guy's like I don't know I just bought tickets on the train they put gave me on this car and he's like well you got to get the [ __ ] out of here like you can't be on the train was the baby crying it was I I think they had yeah yeah yes he definitely crying at the moment I was yeah he was crying I called the conductor but me I put a hat on what the [ __ ] are you doing here but the uh he's like he's like well where can we go sit and then K sold out train a baby in the [ __ ] he's like he's like so what do you want me to do like I don't know what to tell you but you have to go and now they they're kind of like Ki him off the train no he's saying he's like go stay in the cafe car guys's like I'm going to Boston I'm like my go stand for four hours and they're kind of it's it's a little chippy it's nothing over the top but it's a little chippy and the guy stands up and he's like where do you want me to go and the guy the conductor's like look I don't know what to tell you all I can tell you is if you stay on this train and gestures at me I can't guarantee your safety and I was like whoa wait whoa wait on a second like did you speak up no I I was like look I'm not going to hit that baby but I also don't want want it on this train and if my threat of violence is what gets it off the train then fine and the guy's like the guy's like what are you talking about and he goes quiet car customers get very very angry about noise get the [ __ ] out of here and and he goes and which is true it's actually weird how like how defensive quiet car but to a baby not to a baby I mean I would have been very annoyed the whole time but um I kind of The Quiet cart thing is like there's rule it it's it's uh it's leowski it's like there are [ __ ] rules Donnie we're not in Nom I think you know people kind of get annoyed if you're on any old car like put your phone down turn the volume down don't talk loud but when you like pay the money and you're on itone else is on it's like I bought a train ticket and a car showed up to pick me up this not what I [ __ ] this not how I paid to get there right right right um right and the uh and then he's just like and the guy's like what are you talking about what do you mean they they get guarantee can't guarantee my safet goes they just get violent they're violent people I was like what the [ __ ] is this guy at the same time yo I don't know the dude's probably seen a lot of quiet car people throw hands I I ride the quiet car fairly often I never seen any V I've heard some like hey quiet car that's about the most aggressive I've heard they'll eat your dogs man they're eating pets they will eat your baby if you don't shut that thing up God that is I mean do you think that was also like like would he have gestured to somebody else or you think it was you what were you murdered out like this were you in if you're in your Hitman outfit like this then you know this was I was wearing different clothes and I saw what the temperature was and I was like oh it's [ __ ] hot as [ __ ] out never mind I got now you're rocking all black cool down look like you're uh you look like you're about to cater an event or something here um yeah quiet quiet car is one of the most like I think there's like a social contract and like a literal contract and if you don't follow it people will get angry very angry but apparently violent he said three times I can't guarantee your safety they get violent and there was one other thing where I was like why is he hammering move on dude you've already hit him with a threat of violence try another route stop saying I'm gonna beat the [ __ ] out of this baby but definitely get this baby off the car uh I'm I'm stuck in a spot and uh I KFC needs some parenting advice don't know what to do so it's from my parents out there going through the the kids sports stuff Keegan is just turned seven and he could swing the bat a little bit he's pretty good at baseball you know and uh and I tried to find him a travel League that could play fall ball because I I didn't want to wait all the way till spring he didn't get to play Summer Ball and apparently there's no fall ball did we already talk about this fall ball to me was like always a thing like as much as you played in the spring like we always played fall ball too was that the way for you or no not for me played like soccer and [ __ ] um yeah I mean I had friends who played baseball who played Fall Ball but I played hockey I played soccer I played play fallball yeah and you did you always like fall ball to me was the best it was fall ball it's got a name fall ball um so I thought it was pretty common my league the kid the league he's in is not doing it you know I've had all these issues with the leagues the last couple years yeah yeah yeah and so all of a sudden we find out that our team is going to do a travel team for the first first time ever and um they asked a couple kids from the seven-year-old team to join they needed more kids to make sure there was a full roster this is nine and under so there's nyear olds eighty olds and and now a few seveny olds and then they get to practice and the first practice and so these kids are on the same team together the same school together so they got like a click you know and then the first practice one of the kids one of our kids gets smoked in the mouth with the ball and he's bleeding and like kids's tough as Nails he like his dad like found him like a napkin from the car and was like here you go and he gets back out there and he's all right then after that we get a message from the the coach being like just want to let you guys like think about this because I don't want anybody to get in over their heads and then like lose their joy for the game like in general like you know you're playing with some much bigger kids you could get hit by pitches these kids are going to be like much better all the [ __ ] and so now I'm stuck with the uh I'm stuck with the like I don't know what to do whether I let him stay and play or do I risk it now Keegan is the type of dude who gets like discouraged negative and like I mean he he was you know he's a little bit bigger than than other kids so he's already hitting like dang every at bat and there still are times we go home and he's like crying cuz he didn't get a hit on one at bat or like crying or upset because he made an error or something like that so I'm like we already have issues with this right then I speak to the coach and the coach says if it was my son I wouldn't do this so now I'm like well I'm not doing you know well how's he doing on the field so he went to practice he only had one practice so far and I was away traveling so I wish I was there to see him I se yet so I can't tell and Caitlin was there but I don't think she can tell you know and apparently like during batting practice he was he held his own and got a few hits but when I asked him about it he was like coach was throwing fast and they were using like you know there's like levels to the hardness of the balls I think they Ed like a little bit harder he was like the balls are hard and coach was throwing fast and uh and and I said that to him and he was like oh that's not good because I was like toning it down a lot he was like the kids you're going to face in this league are going to throw much harder than what I was throwing and he was like you know you might run into like a a nine and a half year old and your kid just turned seven that's like a huge [ __ ] Gap yeah and he's like you know these kids are up there throwing like 60 miles an hour and I'm like 60 is gas yeah I that might have been you know a little a little exaggerated but you know there's probably like a kid who's like almost 10 they like 50 whatever was and uh and so but now Keegan was kind of like no I think like I can do it and I'm like now I gotta be like I'm just Stu I'm [ __ ] you know what I mean I got a coach who's saying this is a bad idea and by the way he kind of did it at first I think to get enough kids for the roster and then I said to him I was like if we if we if I drop out and there's like a domino effect or something will you like not be able to play your season and he's like no the nine-year-old's like brought some of their friends so like we're good so now he's kind of like I don't need you guys anymore [ __ ] I wish you didn't do this in the first place now i' like dangled this thing to him but I don't know I'm a very firm believer I think unless you are a little bit older and really really good I think playing up especially nowadays is more risk than reward yeah I mean I obviously I can only speak to my own experiences yeah so like what what when you were playing any of these sports like did you ever play I was always the young kid the young kid I cuz I I'm I'm like a August birthday there usually like a September's the cut off or what whatever so like I was forever and how were you sizewise I was size I was I was their size you were bigger I was the size of the older kids got it like I I was never like massive I'm like I I was big for my size big for my age remember you know you didn't hit puberty till you were like 22 your little pee pee your little pee pee and no hair on your body so I thought maybe you were a little [ __ ] that was that was just pubes the size of me was always like I was always walk around BR he no nuts and no pubes Wai Dr like she's got an empty sa down there that's Fu you got laia and no [ __ ] hair but you're like bigger than the 10-year-old [ __ ] basically what it was I was like my side I again this is all like according to my memory but the I I never remember I never remember feeling small I never remember being like oh boy well like you were like able to hang I was see that I was kind of the perfect level where like I was good they respected me but I wasn't the star on the team right so I actually loved being the young kid cuz all the old kids thought I was cool but like none of the old kids thought I was stealing their job either like it was like they accepted me but I wasn't a threat like it was kind of like the perfect level and like like basically that's what youth sports are right like just gaining confidence or orad like like I think of it as that and also I spoke to like another coach of a different travel team who was like for me Aid and under is still instructional we are like we're going to let the kids pitch but it's still about like learning the game and and all that [ __ ] so like I am still thinking of it very much of of confidence and like excitement and all that [ __ ] and I think he's the type of kid who like will he's very like up or down like sometimes he loves it and other times it's like I I can see he's looking over at me like he wants to just ball his eyes out right now because he like messed something up you know but he's but he's he's playing really well like in some regard sometimes he's like the best kid on the on the field and he's still like worried so I'm like if you get up there and you just get [ __ ] gassed by some kid throwing 50 mil an hour you got to gas him well that that's I yeah I mean that's that's where I think you got to know if like if your kid is the type to like respond to that and go you know step up or if he's like thep you got you gotta gas him you got you got to hit your kid a little bit just to show him how much it doesn't hurt like he's scared of it if he is scared of it hit him with it and he's like it doesn't even hurt well you're also a freak bro but that's a pretty standard thing like show you like show them what they're scared of right and let me just say you want me to take my son out back and just throw baseballs at him yes not like consistently but hit him with one let one uncork one and hit him with one for sure D when I was younger my dad would uh I when I wouldn't take a charge like after the game he would just be like all right stand there I'm I'm going to run into you and I'm going to show you it doesn't hurt so like 210 lb dad at 50 years old like stay right there it's not going to hurt and it absolutely hurt it hurt so bad but I guess the idea is like when this kid's you know who's 130 runs into you it's not a big deal but that that's ridiculous that your dad is just putting shoulders into your chest yeah you can you just pretend you're actually pitching but just like [ __ ] oh sorry sorry sorry like look didn't hurt though right I wanted like Happy Gilmore this [ __ ] I'm going to take him to the bat cage right on the [ __ ] plate and just take but and now I'm like hey dude you know I have a different team with kids that are more your age that like is better for you and he's like no I want to play with my friends I'm like [ __ ] [ __ ] and I can't be but that's kind of it right there right like he already calls him his friends well but this is like he this is his team these like it's weird he's in a small small school district with like one class and then this class of boys like plays everything together so like they're literally his friends on and off of the the field no matter what yeah but it was like every year he was like I don't want to leave my friends I was like bro the first year you played for Coach coach Rich and you said you never wanted to leave him and then we had Coach Frank and you made a bunch of friends on Coach Frank's team and then when we had to leave that team you were like I want to be on Coach Frank's team and you made friends on this team so I was like technically you've actually been doing this your whole career and you just don't realize it and but he's I don't know he's just at a point where I guess he like knows but I don't know I don't think I it's just so much there will be so many more times of of bad than good of of bad like he plays poorly or bad he doesn't get to play doesn't get to play not even like plays poorly because I I do think he's really good but it's just like he's just GNA be overmatched like I don't think he can hit like you know the guys throwing their hardest and and he's also I even dude like I I remember I just got I I remember one hit and it was like like the team went nuts yeah and like that's that's my memory from that league but were the other you know you don't remember that now but for the rest of that what type of were you like a get down on yourself or you would be like short memory Goldfish Memory um I was I'm pretty short term yes yes I'm not very intelligent but you are I could see you being like a mo like you're like you know an emotional train rack head case so I can see that being something that that b yeah maybe this is all why I I uh I just feel like he's the type who's going to like you know remember that strikeout or that hit by pitch or the time he like threw the ball to the wrong place or whatever he's that type of guy know like I'm not trying to like be down on my own kid but I'm also trying to be realistic about it where it's like I know what his strengths and weaknesses are you know and then I tell the coach of his spring team who's the one who like kind of organized it he has a son that's doing this and I was like hey man listen I just don't think it's right for like me and my kid and he wrote back gotcha like so now I gotta deal with you and you and you and and then and then how about this I get it he's doing flag football and it's just so funny to it was a good reminder as to like where kids are at or maybe it's just my kid too specifically because other kids probably would have got this but flag football coach calls me and he's like you want to help me coach this year I said yeah he's like I think Keegan should be quarterback like Keegan should have been quarterback last year I think Keegan should be quarterback this year mean you thinks Keegan's [Laughter] hot I think for the first time ever I'm going to say cut that so wildly inappropriate don't that's that that's what that Wall Street Journal article did it it found that Attractive people are put in the quarterback position at a young age yeah I mean he gets hot see this looks like Tom Brady Tom's [ __ ] brother son's kid imagine some that looks like Tom Brady's [ __ ] Spong kid out there I can see he's got that pedigree but I I I I FaceTime him like yo I just got off the phone with the coach guess what he says you want he wants to be he wants you to be quarterback and he's like really I'm like yeah dude can you believe it and he's like he's like talking to me and he's like can you yeah okay can you watch me play this puzzle on my phone right now I'm like God damn it and and Caitlyn's like put that phone down like talk to your dad he's telling you something exciting and and I'm going on about it and he goes wait what is quarterback I'm like ah of course like you don't even know a quarterback is again try to G you just based on looks he's never even SE me throw a blow here I am here I am I was thinking you know what maybe we can have like an actual discussion about like kids sports so how hot the other quarterback that defensive Line's pretty sexy I don't know going be a tough game out there for ke look hot as [ __ ] the um but so he doesn't know what quarterback is he he he does but like you know it just I had to remind myself that like something that is so second nature I mean he played one one one year of of flag football last year and like I try to get him to watch but he doesn't really care to watch and so he's like he doesn't know these terms I mean I I can't say to him running back you know he's like do I run it do I throw it or do I catch it I'm like so I you can do all three of those things your quarterback and he's like oh then he got excited but it's just funny when you're talking to your kid as if they are like kind of like adults or they know everything and it's like no [ __ ] clue you know uh so anyway I don't I don't know did you you played uh you play what did you were you like football no for like everything were you like the younger kid the older kid did you play up I always play up you always play up I always played year up um I always like I would I didn't always play up but when I got the like if I got invited I like would take it yeah but I do remember being like I'm in over my head it was it's kind of like the like you you I felt in over my head but then like again so much of it is off the field yeah and so like when I was at school the older kids liked me and the older kids knew me and like it was that is true that that part is cool that that definitely made me feel cool to be on the old person old kid team but I also I remember it like a little bit older I'm talking like middle school and [ __ ] is when I remember it like he's still a baby yeah we're talking second grade like I don't really yeah that's true I don't I don't really second grade I don't I I I just remember like I don't even remember like there really being like call-ups it was just like if you're at the right age you know what I mean yeah second second grade I I I definitely don't really remember yeah I think I'm like I just think that there's going to be more that that is the juice worth the squeeze like for the one time that he gets you know or even the few times that he does get it a hit and plays well I think we'll be he'll be like yeah that was cool and then the times that are not he'll be like agonizing over because he's just he's got like some you know he's got like anxiety he's got you know weird issues with that which is just so [ __ ] crazy like I'm like I can't possibly be more supportive or more like it doesn't matter what happens like in anything in life I like I don't care what you do maybe that's the problem but there really is something built in where like he's just like what if it what if it goes wrong I'm like who [ __ ] cares you're seven I don't care if any of this goes wrong like there's not one thing in your life that if it goes wrong it's a big deal yeah truly nothing matters like one day you're going to grow up and like your cousin's going to be more successful than you and that's [ __ ] it dude that's just how how life goes [Laughter] but oh Jane maybe should have Jane on the show I thought about it follow will you give us a hard post collab with us Jane imagine if she like blows it out of the water she's like you know the next [ __ ] Maya Rudolph or Molly Shannon or something like that that'd be awesome yeah for Jane for her shitty for shitty for her second cousin I'll tell you that much um uh we'll get into voicemails and Dan BERNSTEIN Drama whatnot in a little bit but first we got to talk about Dan Bernstein Dan Bernstein Dan Bernstein Chicago radio host committed like career and social suicide a couple days ago in one of the most unnecessary ways I think we've ever seen ever um it was like a Week Ago by the way Chuck just got the footage yesterday okay so this [ __ ] guy I understand it holy [ __ ] this guy Eddie went on a local Chicago Sports Talk on a show called Bernstein and Holmes and Eddie was doing like a simoc cast Zoom thing right so he wasn't in the room with them but he's trying to feel them out as he said and trying to like connect with them a little bit it's hard to talk on zoom and people are talking over each other and whatnot and Eddie says Burnin are you a are you like a horoscope guy I think you said something like that like an astrology guy and and he answers the question whatever and then Bernstein goes you can call me Dan or burnsy not Bern you don't know me like that Eddie was kind of like okay and then like in the break his Co takes his his headset off and he's like what did he say and Bernstein's like Bernstein come do we ever figure out what he said after that no not not that I saw it so he gets all bent out of shape that Eddie calls this guy by his name the name of his show is Bernstein and Holmes his formal last name is Bernstein if anything you would not call him Bernay that would be weird yeah that's when you say bro you don't know me like that not Bernstein that's if Eddie were to just all of a sudden roll up on a show and be like hey bernzy you know what do you got I think people would be like whoa you guys are on a first name basis here like you got a nickname basis here huh the fact that he just went with the name on the [ __ ] show and also just a grown man's last name like that's just an acceptable thing to do um and this guy was so [ __ ] about it that I really mean it if I was like a Chicago listener I'd be like I don't think I can listen to this guy ever again knowing that he's this type of guy for Sports Talk where you're supposed to kind of be like oh Sports Talk is always like that guy he says exactly what I'm saying he's like when we're at the bar talking like it's very relatable if I saw that I'd be like I can't ever watch your show I can't ever like sorry to Holmes Holmes you're out now bro because Bernstein [ __ ] yeah uh the face he makes it that's not how he said it didn't do that if Eddie was taking shots and he was like a Bernstein you know but that it was one of the most P displays I've ever seen the the original clip was was bad and and really bad like I I actually before this clip came out I texted Eddie and I was like I was already on the train home yesterday and I was like I'm just watching this video on repeat [ __ ] St it's funny how much it struck a nerve with everybody really Dave said he's got a a champagne bottle with his name on it he wants stoies to ruin him as soon as I saw it I was [ __ ] triggered like and it wasn't because I saw all of your guys tweets you know it was like this just hits a quar of people you're such a [ __ ] it was it was very annoying and then he went private on his YouTube chat became subscribers only can chat because I'm I'm sure everyone was flooding it be like Burn scene burn this is the ultimate though like this people are going to be calling Bernstein Bernstein for the rest of his [ __ ] life now he's going to get for the next weekand itand that [ __ ] to the max upstein oh there's going to be so many like you know yeah hey I just want to talk about the Bears okay hey uh you know blah blah blah from the Southside what's up hey Bernstein ber burn burn I mean it's gonna be he's gonna get tortured for the next decade career suicide man I swear to God he ALS also kind of looks like um uh Hank Hank uh aarya being uh what's his name Hank isaria I can see him looking like Han yeah thinking of Brock Brock Meer but yeah except that he's got a hank gazar look to him but just such a [ __ ] and and again also to like the nicest dude Eddie you know what I mean like not that anybody in that situation would be in the wrong but like you picked the wrong one man yeah you're trying to trying to pick a fight against Eddie in Chicago these guys are all terrible now I I can't I I I was never a big Sports Talk guy I I listen to it occasionally I was you know not like a I think theyy I think they've all devolved into like the hot take culture you know yeah like WF still has like the the the like top guys in my mind they got the Boomer and Geo type shows that are like really [ __ ] good Evan's been around forever but then there's a lot of guys who are just like doing the Stephen A and and Skip stuff but it's just like not you know you're like a local lower level of it and it's like so easy to see right through you are just doing this this is all performative and you're flip-flopping on absolutely everything but I guess anything for the votes or for the viewers I I love Dave saying can you believe a grown man who won't let people call him by his last name yeah Rico goes Rico get the Riders ready Dave was particularly fired up about this I don't know if it's because it's one of his big boys or if it's just the principal of the matter or all of it combined but like I I I listen I hate Bernstein as well I would not have guessed he's on champagne bottle level yeah that like a private yearlong Vendetta for Dave years long Vendetta yeah it's got be the first uh barcel employee champagne bottle like technically hasn't done anything to Dave like everyone is like someone did combat like like yeah that's what I mean like and it might be because Eddie's one of his big boys you they uh they you know they're they're on the team together they they Z is is like a family but I mean he is now I have a question got to be like [ __ ] I don't I don't disagree with anything that has been done thus far I am I am fully team Eddie team anti Bernstein all that stuff have we not kind of flipped a bit into cancel culture with this no I think there's a difference between I hate you cuz you're a [ __ ] [ __ ] but isn't every like everyone else just they just think something else is an [ __ ] I suppose I mean yeah listen if you're talking about it in a broad way yes but I think it's more like uh like no one's like calling for his job I mean I'm sure people are calling for his job but not that's not like the the the movement or the reason why actually I maybe Dave's tweet exactly was that I think it was like let's ruin professionally yeah da Dave might be Dave might have gone into cancel yeah like are are we not actively trying to cancel Dan bur again I'm fine with it I I don't like him I was thinking of it as more like torture this guy for the rest of his god-given life for being an [ __ ] as opposed to like get him fired yeah I I don't care what happens to him professionally but I think every single morning every should be should be see him on the street I agree what's up Bernstein it's funny cuz I have not really heard Eddie say much right he know he released a statement what' he say he he had a very good he he just like had probably a minute and a half two minute video where he just explained what went down that's what I mean though he's not he's not the one who's like really up and on oh not at all no I mean he's like he's an [ __ ] he's a miserable [ __ ] um which seems to be that everyone in Chicago knows that that like it's been a few years of him being a miserable [ __ ] um if he was smart you know you lean into these things but he won't they're all always dumb you know yeah Now's the Time to like have Eddie back on your show maybe maybe you admit you were wrong in a funny way you know you you you you make fun of yourself you poke Eddie a little bit you know but he won't do that yeah he'll just dig his heels in and be don't ever call me burn and people will keep calling you bernin for the rest of your like I mean that is so day one [ __ ] it's the Jordan crying it's the Uno reverse they're just going to do it to you for the rest of time that show's got to be now called Bernie and homes some [ __ ] stupid dra Kings has their uh Endzone Crown touchdown being run right now uh I made it through the first week did you made it through the first week who was your person uh Rand Stevenson I went with Christian mcaffrey my backup was Breeze Hall and uh looking back at that Jets game kind of got in by the skin of my teeth because Breeze Hall did not have a great game uh despite the Jets running the ball like 880,000 times it's like we finally have a quarterback and they ran the ball on first and second down like every single series that was infuriating but Bree Hall punched it in so I am alive for week two from the endzone challenge all you got to do is pick one person to uh score a touchdown each week Survivor style uh and right now they are uh the number one place to bet on touchdowns that's what everybody likes right people like scoring they like touchdowns dude I had I had Rand Dre Stevenson first touch down I'm touchdown Survivor pool first touchdown DraftKings anytime touchdown DraftKings rre Stevenson feeding fam weekend yeah people you know you can bet on the game you can bet on winners you can bet on uh over unders and all that but what people want is touchdowns because in the moment it's a big it's like ah it's a touchdown and then it also means you make money it's like two for one action and so uh you can get ready to do your own touchdown dance you know what I feel like I would be a big time this guy I would bring that back yeah that would be my move or when you do with the hands uh Draft Kings customers right now you bet five bucks and you get $250 in bonus bets instantly and you get one month of NFL Plus premium which is the easiest and best way to watch the NFL right now which is impossible you got to have all these different streaming services and there's blackouts and all of that now you can just go to NFL Plus premium get one month free when you go to draftkings.com and use promo code KFC new users that's five $ in bets get $250 in bonus bets right away and you get the free month of NFL Plus premium only at DraftKings promo code KFC the crown is yours keep you in touch with what's Streamer Jynxzi apologized for "Cheating" on his girlfriend going on in the rest of the internet world this is coming from the world of Tik Tok where this is Guy jinxy uh he's a streamer video gamer he's a streamer yep streamer just like a sketch right he kind of even looks like sketch a little bit and he's got this smoke girlfriend I think everyone's over a of age you know over 18 and he broke up with Brey is her name for watching porn and this is his apology video so yeah I watched uh corn videos but like not only that like I would watch like specific videos uh to where like um there was like screenshots of videos that I watched and like she eventually like would like found out about that like she didn't want to but she did and then I like it broke my heart to see that I heard her and um that's like something where like I'll probably I'll like probably [Music] never I'll probably um I'll probably never forgive myself for that I I think I'm a I do think I'm a good person but I [Music] think um watching I think watching any type of like adult films while you're in a relationship is cheating I know like there's probably there's probably some like idiots that don't think that but like if you actually do care about a human being like if you really do care about a person you wouldn't do that now she is an only fans Creator no way no [ __ ] way and the icing on the cake who is that person I know I just saw a thumbnail but bro that might be you [ __ ] Leo that was that forget this other kid queso that's a funny name queso why did this why was this just up oh you clicked on it cuz you thought it looked like me I I just saw this little thumbnail right here I mean that's you dog that's you dog that's that's crazy that is yeah I mean this guy looks like me when you had your crazy beard they never stop that it really is it's bizarre how how often it happens c a s e oh for people yeah ohore that is that's you man if you were to put like give me pose like this so you have your a headset on like that's you man you had times where your your mustache a little more prominent that's it right there it's not even the mustache that's prominent it's the the the Gap in the middle yes yes that's that's like he has the non beard that you have yeah all the spots where there's no beard the um for that other dude though what's his name uh jinxy jinxy and Bre Brey Hill is his girlfriend she's an only fans Creator I don't think she does porn I don't think she's like [ __ ] yeah yeah but she's probably one of the terrible comedians they have on her it's always I always have like it's on my Instagram on my Twitter like I I I get ads for it all the time and it's like it's it's just someone being like I'm in therapy and that's the joke um but the unfortunately pavs um he had up and I I caught it with my eye that guy's age cuz I was going to kind of defend him where I was going to be like look this is more just like we were lucky to not have the internet when we were 12 years old and and dumb and you knowz I've had countless breakups where stuff like that where I was sad about something really dumb and I I remember fifth grade I broke up Vanessa danced with like her friends instead of me like like all kinds of stupid [ __ ] and now I see 22 and now I'm more like [ __ ] was I that dumb at 22 too uh I mean I still think of 22 I mean like what we just watched there was a child talking about like I thought he was a child right he's like and then and then like like it's just like I didn't I you know I I I heard her feelings and like I said something and I didn't really do it but like I I did it you know like I was like this is a kid we're watching these kids talk about you know whether or not you're allowed to watch porn uh but anytime I feel bad for the dude being like I think I'm a good person you know that that girl was just hammering there me like you're a piece of [ __ ] [ __ ] for watching porn now let me go upload my tits on only and that is you know again even if you're just doing like you know bikini pictures or something you have to see the inherent hypocrisy of telling someone they cannot watch porn that they're like a bad person for watching porn while you run an only fans no matter what you are or are not doing on only fans your account is for like you know those purposes whe you you might not know it but there's people at home doing things while they watch your videos on only fans maybe maybe you don't think they are they shouldn't be but they are uh just just [ __ ] up but yeah I mean 22 years old is probably uh probably a little too old to be to be putting this out there like that man also I I can't wait for this guy to get to the uh like when he's over it phase and he breaks up with her and he's just free and he's just like beating it and having fun like what was I ever [ __ ] it's one thing when you when you break up with a girl like even if even if you have a good relationship there is something like euphor work sometimes about the break up right that moment you realize like I can stay out all night or I don't have to text her or I can go hook up with this person or get that number whatever it may be there is e and even if you you were the one who broke up or you feel bad about it or whatever that first time it hits where you're just like I'm free is is [ __ ] great and it usually is like you hook up with somebody else and it's exciting you know you you had sex with somebody else or you got their number or you just like even just beat being you know flirting with someone is like uh you know it gives you this exhilaration talk about exhilarating in a second um but for this guy he's just probably like jerking off at home being like I can do this this is [ __ ] great I'm pulling up everything I can watch give me Bella Donna right now like give me all of it I'm allowed to watch porn again because she's gone that is uh that is crazy I don't know I mean the porn thing is like I'm sure there are people who are absolutely Ely wrecked mentally and emotionally from porn but for the most part uh I think you're pretty [ __ ] crazy if you demand that people can't watch porn I I would wholeheartedly agree with that it's it's a pretty outrageous demand to be like you cannot watch this form of entertainment but it did get a little funny where he was like she saw a bunch of screenshots that she didn't want to see but she did see them like I don't know if you have like a library of thumbnails of porn it might be taking things to an extreme that you know we don't know about I when I was probably 22 I had an ex-girlfriend find my porn stash it was like three fold three files in a folder on my desktop and I've told this before but like she was furious with me because the porn star looked like my ex-girlfriend right and I was like you look like my ex-girlfriend I have a type yes you're right she do a short skinny brunette you go you [ __ ] got me pegged what the hell do you want me to tell you dude like yeah I I I wasn't only watching a short skinny brunette I [ __ ] one now I tried to replace her with you dude the uh the his his sadness over a breakup uh I I was going to say this about only fans but the um there is something like I I wish you could tell like your younger self like like like you'll be you'll be fine like here's some things that are happen to you in the future and like they're not even good things it's not even it's just like things that happen and show you that like you don't [ __ ] care anymore the other day I woke up rock hard hard hard as hard as as I as I do basically every morning wake up bricked up and I wased up was I was watching TV but I was still just kind of playing with it you know and and I was like I was was still in bed like I had gotten my day started Netflix was already on and I was just like probably watching Steinfeld or something and I started really painting the picture but I started laughing and and in my laughter I felt like my dick K so much harder did you know that that if you when you laugh your dick gets like way harder dude like cuz you're I think you're forcing blood to your penis with your like it's a belly laugh so then I was like can I [ __ ] like this like I think there's a legitimate sexual use for laughing laughing while [ __ ] I think there's a what was it in um Californication [ __ ] and punching yeah like [ __ ] and laughing I think I'm going to test it out throw on [ __ ] you know the best best comedy special of the year if you just put it in somewhere put on Nate barazi and [ __ ] like I think your dick's going to [ __ ] itself I think your dick I think your dick turns into a vibrator I think I think I think I might have read re re rework sex you don't have to no much not as much cardio laugh [ __ ] like right there if I just if that laugh I'm trying to feel it right now like I don't I don't think I'm like cuz it's almost the opposite I feel like I trust me get hard hold your dick get hard hold your dick and put on the paraz just just it can I tried too once I noticed it I was like whoa so then it works with fake glass too like you don't have to put on you can yeah yeah no it'll work you'll feel it I want everyone to try it and tell me how it works cuz I think I think I think I I I had a good laugh a second ago when you said something and I was like I was like if my dick was inside somebody right now they would have come it would have done it again it would have it just kind of like you just Belly Laugh is that what it is what's up I think you just you're just belly laugh yeah no I said it's a belly laugh if you if you give a belly laugh if you're flexing your abs a little bit it's you can feel to me it's not my abs it's more like the the Keel that makes my dick go up you know I will bet $100 that it will work so how come people aren't in like the comedy club just rock hard well you got to be hard already okay so when it's when you're hard you hard it's it's going to keep you hard do a couple fake laughs with your hard dick in your hand you will see that I'm right or that my veins are cross weird one of the other really I was going to say I don't know what's worse if I go home and try this and I it works and I'm just like John's like the boner master or if it doesn't I'm thinking that man's a pervert or maybe like [ __ ] mine's broken you know like maybe I mean I'm P's got to try to and then now out of three we pavs is but pavs is a young buck you know like I I'm definitely you're waking up still bricked up every morning yeah like I'm not I'm not shooting that percentage anymore that's not every morning and it used to be yeah what I'm saying as I'm getting old like like the there's also times like I used to be like when I was younger you know I always joked when you're young you're trying not to come and when you're old you are trying to come yeah but then there have been some times recently where I am [ __ ] I am hdden um breaking the speed limit we are I'm coming fast fast talking like embarrassingly fast at the age of 40 being like you be like it's just you're so hot yeah I I that I don't even care about that anymore I don't know I came so fast I was like that was so [ __ ] F yeah I did that and I start laughing and then my dick gets hard I just I have always had the secret of like just keep goinging what do you mean like in in recent years like when I was younger once I came it was put a tranquilizer in me I'm done you know now like if I just like leave it in oh yeah for like maybe 30 seconds you talk a little bit or you just like keep distracted then you just keep going yeah and then then you can go forever cuz you're just [ __ ] so it's like yeah I like you know came fast but then I made up for it so what's the [ __ ] difference yeah I get knocked down but I get up again you got me down I've been listening to a lot of CH then it's like you're turnning it up you're turning butter in there it's just a whole wreck in there yeah you got a more rock rather than [ __ ] once that these are the things that happen when you're an old man and I uh that's A Vintage Coca Cola Commercial led to breakdown for KFC??? part of my midlife crisis along with this was this was house painting week too model house week oh yes so like I was just going through it I guess I didn't even realize I was going through it until I was going through it but it was such a funny started out with Tyrese started out with Tyrese me and Tyrese live very similar lives yeah in a weird way you take away like a $100 million in a Benny Hana and you're left with me um he was on he's he's just going through a lot of like divorce stuff and and uh child support and like all this [ __ ] and then he was on million dollars worth of game so I was listening to million dollar worth of game so it starts with Tyrese and goes to million doll worth of game then they started talking about Tyrese this is almost so embarrassing I don't want to tell it but it's it's more weird than anything and then it gets colossally embarrassing and then they were talking about Tyrese's break do you remember what Tyrese's Big Break was um I mean he was a singer first yeah 1995 he had a commercial it's a coke commercial you probably yeah so you don't remember this no so it's a coke commercial he walks on the bus and he puts on these headphones and he kind of like is singing like la la la la like singing like that and he hums and La laas the tune of the Coca-Cola jingle do you remember the Coca-Cola jingle no the Coca-Cola jingle is maybe just the greatest song period that's ever been created it's very uh like where in the world is kman San Diego esque it's very like pull up always Coca-Cola jingle I'll show you which one to to click on it this [ __ ] is such a banger dude this is it's the greatest commercial I can kind of remember this commercial now you're saying it always go yeah that one's fine I think that's the one hands down the best commercial jingle ever and maybe like just my favorite composition of all time that's chap R sang that today with different lyrics number one one and then I I I I started going down like a rabbit hole of like um when the Blue Jays won the World Series back in like the early 90s they made a version of this like whenever there's a hit there's always Toronto or whatever and the go CA jingle like triggered some [ __ ] like Nostalgia thing in my head and I just started thinking about like I remember hearing that and like what I was doing and I was thinking about being a kid and how was like kid like when you're a kid you're so carefree and then life just gets harder and just I started spiraling and all of a sudden from the cocacola jingle I was like a puddle I was a wck like I didn't even know it was it this is like the new thing I guess when my body breaks down it was like the other like when I slept in and started crying or like I'm almost a witness to my own breakdown where I'm like kind of laughing about it and kind of confused by it but then also it's happening to me at the same time and I'm just sitting there singing the jingle just like I need emotional right now and I I that was when I that night I wrote like like the 5,000 words I said and I like started I started with I was like writing a Blog being like these are the top five like Jingles of all time and let me tell you and it just went like every which direction and I was like the Coca colola jingle wait so the blogs five top five Jingles all the time it's like a little bit of it's like that but I also was like pouring out my heart like it it starts out like emotional and then goes to like the top five songs and then like songs that are um fake songs like Scotty Doesn't Know like it was like real blogging mixed with like therapy blogging it was a [ __ ] if if I had to do it like with handwriting it probably would have been like multiple personalties but I was like the Coca-Cola jingle is so good and so powerful it made me cry that and then so I went I I I like just read up on this Jingle the uh these guys like came up with it and the part where they just go they were in The Boardroom and they were like doing that and they were like this part right here we're going to figure out later like we're you know so they just went and the execs were like don't touch it leave it alone that's the full like that's the real version and they put that out I think in like 90 yeah this is this was the thing I wrote so these guys Nettles Nettles be and Coffey were like the jingle Bros and they uh the Charlie Harper who's was that um I think that's the name Charlie Sheen's character in uh Two and a Half Men he does right and and they this ran from like 92 to like 99 and then in 99 they came up with the next one which was like also pretty good I can't remember what that one was but that [ __ ] is a heater bro I was like I was legit thinking I was like if I was a musical artist I would like I would make like I would sample that right now and put that out and just [ __ ] make the song of the summer I I was I was almost like a little nervous but once I saw P was like nodding along there are songs like that where I'm like this is amazing and like see the younger generation be like this is [ __ ] trash but that like it like hit my soul it's like and then it was funny CU I went to the comments of the YouTube channel and a lot of them were like um this is the greatest jingle ever but a lot of people were kind of like going through something similar they were like this really made me remember my childhood and they were like oh my God remember when life was easy and I was like there's something about his song that's running through like middle-aged people and Wrecking them right now so yeah the Coca-Cola jingle like I always like my my dad was a big commercial crier and like I can I feel that in myself and then but I was like if Jingles are going to start start hitting me I'm going to have to [ __ ] turn off the television man but did the uh I have two things first of all that that just reminded me of a tweet I saw this morning um that was it's an older tweet but it's going viral today uh I had me laughing out loud on the train uh it is the only lasting 9911 memory I have is when the bud when the bud wides are ad with the kneeling Clydesdales came on during the Super Bowl and I said those horses are praying to Mecca and my friend's uncle got so mad to go in the backyard that's a great joke that's [ __ ] hilarious um and the other thing the uh oh wait that reminded me of another thing um I had after you mentioned your breakdown so it might have been you who spurned it I had a dream like two nights later and I dreamt entire night like 7 hours and it was just me sitting in a room crying for S hours the dream just me in a room like no nothing on the walls nothing anything it was just me sitting there and and I remember every second of those seven hours and I woke up and just like all right time time to go to work that's the single most psychotic thing I've ever heard your dream is you in a [ __ ] in a just four walls crying four wall all all the walls were black not White Walls all black walls four Black Walls is me just sitting there like like um like sitting on the floor like with my knees like this just crying for S hours and I woke up and I was like all right I'm good I I'm fine time to make the donuts let's go make a funny skit folks that is crazy town man that is next level nuts I would love I you know like sometimes there's those you you can Google like oh my teeth fell out in my dream what does it mean Google that cried for seven hours what does mean means things are going great Google that it's going to be like here's the hotline for suicide like 59 let's go like 50 5710 yourself like you need you need an immediate [ __ ] assistance here like I've never had a dream like that not only just of crying but like where I remember so much like I remember every every minute I was conscious enough in my sleep being like this is ridiculous just like got to go yeah yeah what [ __ ] time is it wake up dude could indicate you're processing your emotions and working through well yeah obviously uh that's funny though that's sick but the uh then saying Mecca just reminded me that the other day was it Thursday night yeah it was Thursday night whatever night NFL kicked off um we had like a client [ __ ] thing or whatever and I was going to it so I was going to the subway right by my apartment and I stopped at the uh newspaper stand to get uh a Lucy and the uh I walk up to the thing and the guy is just St sing like this at the you know the newspaper stands in New York and he's just like eyes closed mumbling and I was like yo what's up man can I just do locy 12 and uh doesn't acknowledge me just keeps I like what the [ __ ] is going on and then I as I'm looking around I see he put like a little note card right in front of like the candy and I like prayer time please wait and I was like oh [ __ ] my bad oh [ __ ] sorry to say something and and I took like one step back it's right in the corner of 14th and e8th so like it's a pretty busy intersection at this time of day so I'm just standing in the middle like it's almost like a like a music video like everyone's just parting around me and I'm just standing there waiting and 5 minutes go by and I'm like I'm I'm like this is crazy I can't believe I'm still standing here I can't believe I'm in everybody's way but I I don't want to leave cuz like I don't not I didn't want him to think I was leaving cuz he was praying absolutely like I cuz I see him a lot and all that stuff so then I just kind of moved to the side CU I was like I can't keep being in people's way I end up waiting for like somewhere between five and 10 minutes let's call it 8 minutes and I go up and I'm like Hey man can I just grab a Lucy 12 and he T he's taking the note card down he goes no one's ever waited before you going to say that is Sean that's the craziest thing no that's that's the craziest thing no I mean that I mean that sincerely you are so nuts for doing that you waited 10 minutes while a [ __ ] kiosk guy prayed to Mecca there's one like right down there there's 100 more I I again this is like I I live in the area so I such issues dud like such issu I know it's my guy and I don't want him to think like oh he's leaving cuz he doesn't like like me praying whatever I don't [ __ ] care and so I just waited and no one's ever waited is so funny yeah he's probably sitting there going the whole time what the [ __ ] is this guy still doing here I also didn't know how long it takes to pray I I I didn't know no why would you because if someone was doing it I would just leave them the [ __ ] alone I I still don't know I don't know if like I don't know how think it takes quite a bit really I I I I thought it was like 30 seconds so go up and down a bunch yeah yeah know I lost them for a while did he went down oh yeah he went down on his knees oh my God C that is so nuts I mean at that point I already knew what he was doing I had already seen the prayer Card Sign so like when he started going down I was like okay I think we're nearing the end of it like we're now at we're now at the kneeling portion like yeah like like post the post communion Neil we just got Neil one more time then we're out of here I used to love when my parents would let us dip out hit hit the door and peace out got to give a shout out to one of our new sponsors Express the men's clothing line well the clothing line in general that's been around for a long time now I remember growing up uh going to the mall and always seeing Express and they are still one of the most popular in men's and women's clothes uh today it's all about creating confidence at Express and they want to make the men and women feel their very best by helping them look their very best it's like Dion says look good play good feel good look good paid get paid so uh they provide easy everyday outfits to help you look and feel nothing short of amazing no matter what life throws at you so if you're getting ready for a job in you you're good you got a first date you're good big celebration of sorts you're good uh they have the express Essentials which are versatile closet must haves for everyday effortless style and they are the only pieces you need to build your 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mean I remember the 1mx shirts from forever ago uh they are they have been in the game since I was wearing button-up shirts one MX has existed the easy breathable stretchy bright colors all sorts of different uh solid colors for you to have like your Staples in your closet and then of course there's the uh suits they have their modern tech suits which are wrinkle resistant machine washable so you can wear your suits over and over again uh they got all of it for you and they're going to elevate your look and they do it easy so right now shop Express Essentials for every outing and every outfitting you need this season go to express.com and start shopping today all right we got this viral video of a cart girl being hit on by an old dude which Cringey Viral Video of a Cart Girl getting hit on by an old weirdo was maybe the most creepy uh uh secondhand embarrassment thing I've ever watched in my life this poor girl wanted to die let's watch please don't thank me I am I am being dangerous you do recognize that you are absolutely stunning right thank most men I would imagine most men especially of an older generation they're not used to seeing such apparent Beauty no when they see someone just as breathtaking as you it is a wonderful thing to find someone attractive and then to have their attention for however fleeting it may be and so for me as a man to see someone as stunning as you it is exhilarating so imagine being in your presence being in your orbit these older gentlemen who have never seen such beauty I would imagine that they are just taken so a back that they become monkeys like most men are more into understanding why I feel what I feel are you doing card yes but I will tell you this if I do see you again which I hope I do I think I'll be around I'm going to want to talk you more having I like being in your orbit I hope you are told on a daily basis that you are treasured much as I hate to say this I bro am going to miss you just I want to enjoy every moment and I hate knowing that this moment is going to end you have beautiful golfing in front of me it's just I have something so beautiful in front of me right now too bro he had he hit dangerous fleeting Beauty exhilarating like D all of that wor and it's like the his body language is somehow the worst part he's like leaning on the on you know it's not comfortable but he's trying to like do a thing and the whole time she's not giving him anything back except for you going to pay with your car the I mean the fact that that guy didn't beat himself senseless with a driver when she hit back with that like that guy clearly must be golfing alone that day cuz if it was any of his buddies or anything get over here you pervert I mean that is now don't get me wrong this girl is a stunner and she absolutely is beautiful and I'm sure there are old men who are like they him make them like this when I was younger but to just tell that to her face and to be like I'm going to miss you and I hope that I see you again I just like being in your orbit your orbit that the other [ __ ] astrologist guy like get out of here that is deplorable we need to bring back shame this guy needs to be sh like do you think that guy walked away going like [ __ ] you're so stupid you're so stupid or no uh no I do not think that I don't think that guy walked away and was like die I told Eric well Grant I didn't want to get hurt like he I think he might have walked away thinking like I did a bad job of hidden on her like [ __ ] I blew it but not thinking like I just embarrassed myself and creeped this girl out 100,000 million I I think this guy sees this video and it's like nailed nailed it you might you might want to put that out on a howto gentleman like this guy sees this and he's like I can be the next Andrew Tate this is this is easy I mean that is and like she obviously like if a c girl plays along you know sometimes they're like oh my God you stop she was just like uhhuh okay are you paying with card and then to top it off for caption at least said uh no tip so after all that uh zero tip he also he looks younger than I expected yeah like yeah it's like you you're not enough to be like Grandpa you know like actually now that I was saying out loud like it does feel like a guy who watches like how to be a man videos and like this probably is an Andrew T disciple and it is not I guess speaking for me if I was a hot chick this wouldn't make me want to [ __ ] you ah no uh no this is like borderline like get your rape whistle ready yeah like make sure that there's some people nearby he just kept going and going I like I like genuinely don't understand like oh my God I want to be in your orbit you know what this had this had a little bit Demitri the douchebag Vibes remember him not really yeah you do remember it was a voicemail back in the day where if I played you his voice you would know it where he was just like uh yeah hi this is Demitri and like I uh that ring a bell yeah he was just kind of like like he she rejected him and he he just had this voice that was like you think that you can I can't do pull up Demetri the douchebag it was very uh very like if this guy he was still like being quote unquote like friendly and nice if that girl like tried to shut him down he would be like who the [ __ ] do you think you are sort thing like that real quick you'll remember this as soon as you hear it hi uh hi um this is Demetri because um yeah I got I'm sorry I was in a big rush yes I remember yeah it's like a whole series this I think is a okay this was like a what's it called like a spoof on it but that that all started I think as like voicemails like I want to see you and then as soon as he got blown off he was like [ __ ] you but uh that that guy that cart guy thank God his face was hidden he's got a tattoo sh yeah the tattoo no that guy that guy's wife he went home and that guy's soon as this got passed around and his wife saw that tattoo she was like I I don't I don't understand like seeing something like this and I know it's obviously out of the norm but like why women are C girls I know the aners for the money Stu like that the I was going to say the other thing is I don't want to sound like ignorant here because you shouldn't have to go through all that but there is just a connotation with cir and you kind of know what you're getting into in that regard you know what I mean yeah I guess like I wouldn't know I'm getting into it I I I guess I would I guess like I know [ __ ] old guys are going to hit on me but like like like the male version of this is like I you want to go swim with the sharks like not really D for a summer job and then if you're not getting like I would have thought that this guy was going to throw her like 500 bucks because he's like in love with her also that's Weir cuz then you're likeu yeah that's like what am I you can give like 25% tops cuz I feel like you know I got to like do something here I don't know why other than you know I just want the money uh but the opposite of this being the caddy for a bunch of old women is the best you're the most handsome man on the planet do they tip well they they tip the minimum amount every single time every single time not the minimum amount the standard they're told and that's what they do and and then but like guys will rather like cheap out on you or they'll tip you crazy like it's one that's interesting they'll base it off your performance and [ __ ] like losers [ __ ] that yeah it is weird like when with a guy I guess it's because always like the threat of violence isn't there but like as a guy it's awesome like I've done the [ __ ] Petty cabs in Newport and I've worked on like T boats in Newport where I was just like the drink guy and like it's unbelievable but again if push comes to shove me and you in a dark alley I'm walking out hey guys how you doing so I just Video Voicemails have a quick story uh one your opinion on it really um so I work in a nice restaurant um down the shore very nice steakhouse a lot of athletes go there Dave's been there Jersey Jerry's been there very nice steakhous uh Eric lran was there one day he's with five of his buddies I'm talking to him I'm actually taking care of him and um I go hey Eric good to see you um you still do that flag football tournament Ruckers he's like no not really uh we don't do it anymore I'm like oh that's where I met you um yeah I was just wondering if you still did it whatever whatever um my next line was absolutely ridiculous and as it came out of my mouth I knew it was stupid I said to him yeah I I don't really play flag football anymore I'm scared to get hurt I said that to Eric lran the football player that does doesn't walk anymore um as soon as I said it I immediately walked away um and I knew I [ __ ] up and I tell this story to this day um wonder if you guys ever did anything [ __ ] stupid like that or you just have an opinion on that uh thanks guys holy [ __ ] that's a great story that is a great story uh I I did that on our show when with the Barcelo radio nonsense where I was like Dave is Never Gonna fire you and Francis was sitting right there and I tried to if you go back to the episode I was like but that you know that was different foot out of my mouth uh telling telling Eric gr I don't play flag football anymore because I don't want to get er er probably like yeah you [ __ ] [ __ ] dude bro shout out to guys like Eric gr like he's been so positive for so long I would be such a miserable [ __ ] to be around all the time just be like you know I'm paralyzed right anything you have to say I'd be like I'm paralyzed I actually saw a clip of that kind of similar thing the uh I follow John Bernthal and he was talking to his brother who is I've talked about it before the show the burnt doll family tree is nuts we haven't had him in person have we no we should Tred to do that he's the [ __ ] man he's the best dude um but the family tree is insane it's it's yeah his like parents worked in politics he grew up in the DC area his grandfather was like a Symphony Orchestra conductor all like by I'm saying because it's all a famous of Kinds they all have Wikipedia Pages um Eric Schlesinger is his cousin who Eric slesinger is the uh lead singer of f Wayne Stacy's mom wrote that thing you do um great song uh decent movie but the it's crazy but but then his then he's got another brother who's married to Cheryl Sandberg who's the CEO maybe COO of meta um and then his other brother is like a world reown heart surgeon and he's talking to him about what life is like dealing with those people yeah with that with not even the pressure with like the people who are sick and he's like the the positive message he had wa you're saying the Doctor Who has to deal with people who are sick yeah got and he's like he's like we don't wake up he's we isn't just everybody he's like we don't wake up we don't appreciate the good days like you don't wake up and you go my back doesn't hurt today you only wake up and you go my back hurts you don't wake up and go oh like my leg feels fine today and he's like the people I work with would do anything to have one day where they didn't hurt like they they don't care about the money they made they wouldn't care about if if you could give them that one day where they're not in pain they wouldn't care about their money they wouldn't care about this they wouldn't care about that I was like [ __ ] okay that's good Insight yeah yeah for real man that makes you feel like a total [ __ ] all the time it's like stop complain care about you go work I wouldn't care if they're cussing got us know they only care that like today I feel fine and I was like all right I got to I got I got to grab a little bit of that now this this is one of those things too where I like I keep telling myself I'm like I genuinely don't care like that wasn't something I wanted but then I'm like talk about an awful lot about a lot oh I would love to talk to Jane that' be so [ __ ] funny I wonder if there was one second of her going boy John Henry's is going to be pretty upset about this I assure you Jane has no idea who I am no clue who I am like we we probably met once at a family fun that makes it even better and more real we me and Jane you can you can kind of hate her then no I don't hate at all you can if you wanted to you could like if it was like you're real like a sibling or somebody really close you you have to be like internally you're a little upset but you got to like be like I'm happy for you C you don't really know you could be like [ __ ] you she we are the uh the Mad Men Meme and she is uh star madman John Ham Elizabeth no no what's his name um where it's like whatever he's like I don't think about you at all he's like I don't I literally don't care about that person at all I don't know your name I don't know who related that's [ __ ] great um all right last one fights my girl Jackie um I am listening to your Britney SCH interview absolutely laughing out loud I love her so much um but this question comes in lie of hearing about your lambskin condom talk um my best friend is allergic to latex so um she has never used a actual condom before regular condom she has only used a lamb skin condom once also at the like ripe age of 15 she said she'll never use it again it was so disgusting um this girls just Lin condoms are not in fact made out of lamb skin they are made out of sheep intestine uh she said it was the most dis in smelling thing ever it's enough to ruin any sexual activity um and so that brings me to my question why is the only option for latex the only alternative sheep intestine a little have we really not figured it out yet it is 2024 like vegans I like we are making fake meat so that they can eat it why is latex so behind on the curve my question for you is what is something that exists that and if you are allergic to it you don't [ __ ] with it whatever is the worst alternative in the world they should I mean they should make like you know the impossible burger like the impossible con it does seem strange that like you can't figure out some variation of like rubber plasticky like you know whatever whatever else you got to put in there yeah it's like just lest that's the only thing that works uh and then how do they figure out the lamb skin you know that's the real problem I got a pretty good idea someone was [ __ ] it couldn't get it off oh you think they were [ __ ] it yeah oh oh that's interesting that's a good what were you thinking that I was thinking that I was thinking if somebody like just used it in the moment like [ __ ] had like lamb I guess I'll use the entrails of this dead animal yeah yeah yeah yeah I guess you're is a little more reasonable either way not it's not it's not any better yeah yeah um it's all pretty pretty much a nightmare the uh that remind me the time I was in Rome and I ordered the dish I told you this when I I went to his dinner in Rome and it was like just like a local Roman Cuisine like not a nice spot but not a bad spot and the guy comes out and he's like like right away the second I sat down he's like what do you want I was like I haven't looked at the [ __ ] menu yet dude yeah and he's like uh he's like all right I'll be back in three minutes and he comes back like on the dot like three minutes later the whole [ __ ] menu is an Italian so I have I have no more information than I had three minutes ago and I saw one thing that was like it like it was like pen pahata or something like that it was called I'll just do the pan pahata and he's like he's been he's been being an [ __ ] and he was like you don't want that and I was like that's what I want he's you know what it is like yeah I know exactly what it is I'll do the pen no idea what it was and he brings it out and I take my first and I was like boy this is it tastes a lot more like rotten milk than I thought it would and so under the table I Google like pen Pat or again whatever it is it's something like that and it's called The Forbidden Robin dish and it was like banned from Rome until like 20 years ago and it is little pieces of pen but mostly cuz I didn't notice anything looking at it mostly it's chopped to the size of pen the intestines of unweaned calf and stuffed with cheese stuffed with like a rotten milk or something like that and then and but then I was like oh I don't [ __ ] want this guy to I don't want him to come clean it up and be like Told You So I eat the whole I just [ __ ] gutted the whole thing it is it was terrible terrible what's wrong with this guy at a spite yeah no yeah that wasn't like an embarrassing that was like I don't want this guy to clearly he won this exchange I don't want him to know he to the extent that you'll eat a cow stuffed cheese intestines is [ __ ] crazy the fact that you wait 10 minutes for Mecca prayers the fact that you'll eat disgusting dishes for these random people like there's something so wrong with you I just didn't want you know what it is he played up in sports he played up in sports that's why I'm not put my seven-year-old with a 9-year-old they going to end up like this this [ __ ] guy I don't want ke going wait 10 minutes for meca prayers Jesus chist H um but the if the the worst thing with a alternative is kind of more the question yeah yeah yeah so the alternative exists yes I guess so and it's like that's the best you can do that's a tough one just I don't I don't really like it's hard to I don't um uh streaming cable yeah yeah streaming is the [ __ ] lambskin condom of cable television which [ __ ] me right could you imagine like you're uh I don't know 16 17 maybe 18 19 whatever and you find out you're allergic to latex like as a a as a guy I think you give a little fist bump yeah as a guy maybe as a girl you're probably like [ __ ] cuz I'm going to have to worry about pregnancies and [ __ ] a lot now but as a guy you're like yeah as a guy that's like I almost feel like you also have to have like your papers on you like everybody I've actually never done that I think you're a pretty sleazy dude if you're like I'm allert yeah uh but if you were like bam doctor's note can't do it what now yeah that is so great a latex allergy as a 16-year-old is like the uh like going to the gym and all the parking spots are taken can't do it I was going to say it's the uh the deviated septum of 16-year-old girls it's a better one it's medical it's truly a medical thing my doctor can prove it cuz when you just like I I just got a [ __ ] raw for the rest of my life sorry yeah whatever I'm not gonna raise this kid who gives a [ __ ] say I'm 16 I don't give a [ __ ] you know your parents going to take care of can't realistically be expected to raise this child my mom's going to take it and say she had a like kid later in life I'm her I'm her sister you know how this works all right that's it for us let's get into our interview with uh Shannon field Fielder right all right that's it for us let's get into our interview with Shannon Fiedler Interview Shannon Fielder uh you know her as the girl on Tik Tok doing all those uh impressions of the Connecticut woman and Manhattan girl she a standup comic uh let's check it out um I've been following you for a while I feel like this is overdue oh my gosh thanks yeah I feel like I actually might have been one like an early like a day one an OG I love it one yeah not day one but I feel like I was early on on like you know the original um like Connecticut girl all started yeah yeah I feel like I I did probably see that pretty quickly so where are you from in Connecticut uh I grew up in Monroe which is like Fairfield county is I mean it's in Fairfield County but it's not like Fairfield County you know um and then we moved up to GR when I was in Middle School so like that's kind of where I'm from Gram's like sticks yeah like we used to say to get to our house you pass the cows and the corn fields and if you get to the tobacco Fields you've gone too far and if you get stuck behind a tractor add 15 minutes and that was all like real not an exaggeration it is funny how much of America is still currently the Old South also but also in Connecticut where like I mean Connecticut is a weird State because it's like you can be New England but you can also kind of be New York can be you know Yankees Red socks it can be like Boonies but also very hoyy toyy it can be you know I ride my my horse to work or I ride like my B you know like yeah exactly um so what are you then what am I that's a good question I mean so I have all these characters right the Connecticut girl the Manhattan woman I always say I'm like a little bit of all of them I feel like I'm a nicer Manhattan woman okay you know I lived here you know I moved here the day after I graduated to New York City and so I feel like that's like the majority of my personality but with New England touch okay but I feel more new englande Connecticut I mean let's let's call it though The Manhattan girl character is just a [ __ ] she is and I try fair enough fair enough that's you got me there like how you threw the I'm a nicer like I don't think it happens to ladies I think if you throw out you're I'm a nice guy you're a psycho you're not a nice guy you're an absolute [ __ ] creep yeah now but there is something funny about those um it it used to do it more when we were blogging in the very beginning before we were doing any video y um when you find like a relatability like uh and and everyone goes like yes that's right you know and I think those videos you know yours specifically but it it's kind of a genre on the internet if you will people are like they you know everyone from Connecticut sends it to all Connecticut friends and then when you do Manhattan everyone in Manhattan agrees but you have to really you do have to know it like like so you know Connecticut Manhattan but when you some of these other places are you just going off of no I I have a rule for myself I won't take on a character if I don't have a firsthand yeah friend somebody family member who has lived in the place or lives there now that I can ask the more intricate questions right cuz you anybody can Google like 10 bars in New York City to name check and that's not going to feel authentic so for me it's yeah it's obviously about like the the things that you can site like the the restaurants or just like the the weird turns of phrases that every city has but it's also about personality traits um and who these people are Beyond just like five things that only exist in your state well usually yeah it's a fine line because if you do if you're phony about those you get them wrong it's like so annoying yeah the people it's the same thing that the people who sent around love it will be like [ __ ] this this is not true we don't hang out at that bar we hang out at this bar exctly I got a new I got a Manhattan one wrong and I was like mortified with myself but I said I'm waiting in line instead of online as we all say and I just wasn't thinking and the hate in my comments like we don't say that I was like I'm sorry online is I mean I have been just getting bombarded with that for 20 straight years now it's taken me 20 years to realize like you're not talking about signing into AOL like it make me 20 years I took you're a heavy inline guy when I oh yeah when I but then they also say to me they're like you're not on a line I'm like you're not in line either this but I'm on a line no M okay see it's all it's a good argument it's a good argument it's like you think of it as like you're in it on this way I think of it is I'm on it on like the ground I think I'm in the middle of a sandwich I'm I'm like I got a guy in front of me I got a guy behind me I'm the [ __ ] Burger I'm in a line right no I think of it as like if there was a painted line on the ground we would all be standing on it yeah but my thing is physical and exist yours is yeah but you're not like you're in it you're in it with those guys yeah I'm in I'm in the mix but I mean there there was a time where I uh I mean I used to do that on Twitter just like find all these little idiosyncrasies and tweet about them and just watch the world burn because people get so passionate about it one way or the other where it's like that's not the right way to say this word and it's like and I used to I used to do it myself and then I figured out to like do it on purpose but then there are people who genuinely are like that's not right and I'm like it's where you grew up yeah it's 100% but I still I will never I can never the people who think that Mary Mary and Mary Mary and Mary they say all the same so you're are you Long Island I'm from the Bronx the Bronx okay but but like but I'm more um I think anybody around if you say like I'm I'm I think you're one of them right you like say you know you're going to uh you've you're engaged and you're going to have the marriage with uh the the the mother of Jesus say that I'm getting married to Mary yeah married to Mary is [ __ ] insane and it's going to be a marry Time Mary and it's going to be a marry time a Dr be you kind of did marry there are people who will say marry marry and marry for like all those three words I think I might do you I think I might yeah oh maybe maybe I'm the weirdo no I hear what you're saying like to say like Merry Christmas to Mary Christmas I'm going to marry you I don't know is that the same when I hear people just Mar Mary Mary once you start thinking about it a word I don't know but there's a whole you know you'll get a reaction every single time do you find though like it it gets stale or is it very uh I I I'm always struggling with like we've had this show for so long we we've talked about a lot of these jokes and done a lot of these hypothetical questions and [ __ ] and I'm always like we've done that but we did it like many years ago and there's a whole new audience and a whole new generation that like haven't heard Mary Mary and Mary you know yeah no I struggle with that sometimes with like even so I did last year Manhattan woman goes to the US Open which is happening right now and I was like do I repost it do I like make another version of it like I just did it but there's all these new people that follow me now that definitely didn't see it right um I feel like I have at this point enough characters that at least for myself I keep it interesting where if I'm like bored of doing one character I'm like all right I just won't touch her for a bit for a minute um but it it's really hard to know how you call it her oh my God I really think do they have names or no no they don't which sometimes is hard cuz now I do stuff where they talk to each other and I can't like I can't say like hey Jessica yeah I'm just like you you really hav't separate like they'll talk to each other oh no they you're a psychotic you you are a schizophrenic I have 100% this is a whole new interview now it's crazy and they all have worlds they all have husbands they have do like ipated that you tell the world or it's just um I mean most of them if like if I haven't told the world I probably haven't thought of it yet but like Colorado girl has a dog named bra who appears and like girl has a friend Meen who shows up in like every single video right um you're borderline like you know like George R or Martin the world you're building like the Lord of the Rings world there's places sority Game of Thrones yeah no it czy to be clear all the all their back stories that exist they come out in video yeah you're just keeping up here no that would be nuts no that would be nuts but has a name but like the girl the Boston girl doesn't not fun she has to be anybody you know what I mean I anybody so you know everyone has a marine but yeah exactly and it is funny how like at this point now some of my fans or like audience members who've been around for a long time my day ones will sometimes comment things like I'll do a video about Boston girl and they'll be like where's Moren I'm like oh my God you do it in your act though or is that just so I do a little bit so they're not the same my standup and my uh online presence to me they're two totally different entities I'm not like some people do character shows which is amazing it just wasn't for me that's not what I wanted to do on stage and I started as a standup um the social media came after as a response to the pandemic when there were no everybody did it yeah um and so I do a little section where I do like a quick it's probably like 5 minutes towards the end of the hour and I do a new one in my new show that I'm touring now where I like bring the girls in and I have them each react to one you know how they react when they're jealous of their husband or something and I show you know six or seven of them and that's it it's like enough to wet the appetite of the audience but not so much that it's like okay we've seen this on social we don't need to pay to see this yeah I get it's a fine line people want they want they want um what they want what they see but then there is some level of like I can't just it's like it's like doing I mean you are doing impression but it's like if you just have one impression that you always do it's like eventually you got to you know move around move on from it this is going to feel oh I was just going to say this is going to sound like huous for me to even compare myself to this but it would be like going to a spring scene concert and not hearing Born to Run like you want to hear all the so the headline going to be Shannon compar greatest rock and roll artist of all time yeah you got to play the that's the Encore that's the end you sprinkle you got to have something I we when we started doing live shows and we we kind of like had it wasn't a big production by any stretch imagination but we tried to do a very unique thing we tried to not do this show there and I remember after like one show in Philly we had like a little meet and greet after and like we didn't do the voicemails which like like kind of the life blood of the show and people were like why don't you do voicemails and I was like yeah like can you just do the show and I was like [ __ ] we probably dropped the ball in the sense of Philly was probably not the place to like experiment a little bit but also we were doing like uh Little Bits about like them and kind of like poking fun and they did not like that well see this is why not into that I had to do a Philly girl once to drive ticket sales for a Philly show and I like studied okay and now people are like why won't you bring her back I'm like cuz I'm terrified of you cuz like if I get anybody else wrong people are going to like be me I don't know I feel like the Philly Community is going to like come at you [ __ ] know what you're talking about so I respectfully retired her right you make you know say the wrong cheese steak joint or something like that although if you can if you can do that Delco accent I'll laugh at that every [ __ ] oh it's so good there's that one woman that does it I don't know if you get her she does like Philly Mom it's does Philly a guy does it it's so water it's so good water water is tough home and foam um I have a very off topic thing to say real quick when you hear a word like it's kind of obscure do you spell it in your head like when you just said to wet like to wet their appetite I went she means wh too oh and like like I'll do it with Weds Wednesday too i' be like that that a d yeah I always think of it I say it in my head but I don't like you see like w e like you see the letters or just you look at the whole work it's all I've been thinking about since she said it w I'm just been going she means with h was I'm congratulating myself for knowing that I'm like yeah not too bad John you got that one I don't know how I see I see words this is getting real metaphysical itic I am you I saw a clip of uh nicro the other day he was on a uh polygraph and they I guess this is the thing he's talked about I can't imagine why else it would come up they had a picture of Jason Statham and they were like true or false this is the voice your internal monologue is Jason stam's accent and he said like he was like I don't know for sure and like that he stayed totally you know and then he was like and then he started to do it and he started he's like I just want to smile like him he got that little smile and he starts doing the accent everything and the polygraph stayed like true little so I I guess Nick roll's internal monologue Jason that's [ __ ] sick what a fun way to go through life I wish you know you can't you can't like my own voice headend that no you can't make that up like if it's happening cool yeah but you can't be like telling your brain to S Jason that's like giving yourself a nickname not cool yes can't do your internal monologue is what it is who's would yours be um I was gonna say Doc Emer doc I mean I feel like it has to be Morgan Freeman it's a classic voices and also but also having a great internal voice like I already hate hearing my voice I have a [ __ ] voice let's work on my external voice like if you guys can hear how this sounds in here it's way better seriously it's so much funnier and so much better every every thought of mine is great until right here and then it becomes a mess yeah that is uh going from when we used to write to people hearing our voice seeing our face like people like my writing and then they were like I want to punch you in the [ __ ] face I was like like I'm literally saying the same words just just Bill Simmons is the biggest one Bill Simmons and I was just as guilty when Bill Simmons started doing podcasts and stuff like that and being video I was like dude go back to page two he made the right career choice but I know but but it was a real like he just powered through it you know but it's it's definitely like oh you guys okay you don't like me you just like my words my face do you have um mostly female subscrib or female followers no no no it's it's pretty like 40 60 50 50ish actually really which was a big surprise for me great um I I think what I've found through live shows is that it's a lot of couples like boyfriend girlfriend married couples whatever and a lot of times it'll be oh my husband or my boyfriend found you and was and sent this to me and was like this is you um and as I've I've started to do more stuff too about like being married and what that means like how annoying I am I am yeah I got married last year and just uh thinks how annoying I am to my husband and how annoying he is to me and I find that that's like very relatable for both sides I asked because we have a little seems to be Brewing here a little issue outside um that Tommy has never seen vep and he's never seen it the uh explanation he gave which I I get to an extent is he can't relate to female leads oh um well yeah you're not supposed to relate to her just watch the [ __ ] story I can't relate to the vice [ __ ] president dude like there's there's a million things get what he said like there's sometimes I thought he was going to say that beep is a chick show or something like that this is this is not as bad as that but that's pretty [ __ ] bad that's not great jul l d is like the goat also like if you watch vep Tommy's Tony hail Tommy Tommy has a very main character he can relate to totally it's not a Tom Gary to to a that's not great you don't want that she she is she's unbelievable people forget about squeezed in between there is the adventures of Christine yeah that syndicated shows yeah the light the The Life and Adventures of Christine something like that W I don't even know the title and it it was like in between Seinfeld and vep and and it did like many many many seasons wildly successful have three shows syndication she's so great on everything like when she guess like on Arrested Development when she comes in as like the blind lawyer is blind it's just so good that show to the best's your what's your favorite show ever favorite show ever that's a tough question um are you are you a Avid TV Watcher I am yeah so like there's a lot of lot of options there I mean this is so girly but Gilmore Girls is definitely my there's a lot of shows that I can watch like I I watch Desperate Housewives with my mom for a while and uh like some of those like uh This Is Us and Parenthood and a lot of girly shows that I watch yeah Gilma girls was like I don't think I can do that yeah I found that one hard to relate to it's fair you also have to like fair enough I get that no I've actually never seen that's one Melissa McCarthy yeah yeah that's like her I think it's her first thing and it's very different than like the kind of comedy shows now she she's not one of the main people okay I was going to say the dark hair girl and Alexis Bell and Lauren Graham Lauren Laura Rory I also think that was the that was early enough that was back when I was like I'm not watch that for sure like that's like you're in like your Prime teenage boy phase watch show I want I want for the 10th time that's it yeah and then and then like there are shows now that that people would call like guilty pleasures that I'm like I don't feel guilty this is [ __ ] great like I me I'm a huge love Island guy now I'm a huge love as blind guy um I'll watch uh what's like I'm trying to think of a scripted one that I watch it's pretty girly I watched I watched Bridgeton oh yeah it's good was pretty you know Prett you watch all three seasons uh no I kind of like jumped in Midway through I mean you know I'm I'm not doing this by myself I down watch by myself psych but it's I think you know finding um I think the most important thing in modern day relationships is having a show is or or just matching television wise having a show is the Pinnacle of that where you both get it but like as long as you can somewhat match where it's like I will watch some of like the Kardashians and you watch some of the games and then we both like this show or and and also just being like what are we doing tonight I want to watch like six hours of Television you too great you know like if you're like oh I don't want to sit on the couch and veg out like I think your relationship it's not going to work if that doesn't match up you're [ __ ] agreed um but it's a drama and a comedy running at all times like one like for the relationship or for yeah yeah yeah like like that we can tune into like do we have a half hour comedy in us or do we like are we going to watch what are we doing right now right now modern family which I've never watched all the way through might be the best comedy of all time unbelievable we're getting close to the end but I I mean I'd always like you know seen episodes I didn't live under a rock but it's unbelievable that show it's so good I have one person I follow who hates and it's not like a big account that hates she still talks about it to this day she's like I can't believe that everyone in EM me that thr sucks that's such a bold it's honestly just like a person I know from like she's tweeting it to nobody it's just like every day like Julie Ben is a [ __ ] yeah like I respect that more than anything but the trolls who get attention I'm like you're you're doing this for the attention now exact it's the trolls when nobody's watching I'm like you you ear like you yeah you hate modern modern family those sailing bags she wears like there a little taste to Newport where she went to high school who cares I think Modern Family gets a little bit of a knock because it's like a a family sitcom you know it's a half hour sitcom and so people like don't respect it it's so good particularly compared to like the Emy nominees these days for comedy that's well thear that's got more laps in a in one commercial break than it does it does the bear being comedy is just so it's such an archaic like it's 30 minutes a loophole and it's a dumb yeah it's crazy it to me it's like it offends me it's the only I'm finally offended by something it's like we're all just agreeing to call this a common yeah that be nominated for you know so we can be in the category or whatever the [ __ ] reason they do it like crazy I I was an early adapter of like I don't really like this show and I was very much in the minority and now it feels like the tides are turning a bit and now I really feel bad cuz I love the cast I just don't I just don't really like the show like I love the cast I think we still are very much the minority though you don't like it either I don't like it I like season one and two a lot if I would have finished season 3 if I wasn't already invested yeah people did not like that season 3 there was there was a bit of a tide turning it was in what regard just people be finally being like no no but I mean did the show change the show was I didn't watch season two yeah there's just like not a lot of plot in season 3 well you need plots until tell tell artistic H yeah so wait you're watching Modern Family and what else is on the we were watching the bear which I refuse to call a comedy um we were watching House of the dragon and then I gave up I was like I'm over it I'm done I'm done with it right now don't get me started oh okay I thought I was going to be like I gave up halfway through season one on that one I I'm like towards the end of Game of Thrones we started a uh after Show podcast like I was very much into that I never read the books but as far as TV goes and then season one of House of the Dragon I thought if you really watch it it's spectacular and then beginning of season two I was like okay all right we're kind of getting there and then halfway through I was like [ __ ] we're not getting there and then towards the end and then like the final did you finish it no I just wasn't invested the season 2 finale uh finale was the worst finale in the history of Tel it was like like it ended and I legit thought that I like sat on the remote and fast forward or something I was like no wait no that that's the wor the end like the credits are rolling like wait what so it was it was absolutely horrendous so I feel good in my decision stop watching there there's nothing better I think you said this the other week like it it's one thing to be right about a show and be like I I like that first and I told you it's even better to be right on getting out of a show I didn't waste 18 hours on my life talking about there's a reason I just shoehorn I B season one like what you guys no I was you're left early um yeah that is uh there's there's there's something satisfying of like you thought that was good Bad Monkey is good is that the Vince vond one that's a show vintage Vince really vce being Charming talking fast being funny charismatic and then it's a little fun little murder mystery it's not quite like Knives Out kind of deal but like there's there's a murder they're trying to solve what's it called uh Bad Monkey Apple TV um everything Goods on Apple these days I said was Presumed Innocent was fire Presumed Innocent Bad Monkey and slow horses are all guest okay presum comes out soon four Presumed Innocent F the episode seven of the first season of of Presumed Innocent is great oh unbelievable jillen Hall's first show ever so you okay is it first TV show yeah first TV show not even like like or as a lead or like never I read it as ever but I don't yeah he definitely could have like coming up but I don't know like he was got an appearance on there but he was like a baby doing shows I mean movies it wasn't he in [ __ ] like red October Sky like he's young in those I don't know if he ever had to do a TV show good for Jank must be nice did you watch uh what's the Ben the Matt Damon one out right now that's very Boston that would oh I haven't seen it yet you could they should have had extra for that or whatever did uh your standup um so like I didn't know that you were standing up first does that piss you off that people no it definitely doesn't piss me off I like why would you know I don't post it on social as much yeah um because I don't do a ton of crowd work so I don't want to burn material by putting it on the internet um but that's why I'm excited I'm releasing my special and I think that'll be the first time that people who have been following me for a while get to like if you haven't come to see me in a show you get to actually see my stand up and I'm excited cuz I do I think if you like what you see on social you're going to like it's the same person it's the same POV it's the same thought kind of process um I love doing it a lot so I'm excited that like more people are going to finally get to see it and know I do it how long it take you how long to take me for the special total no yeah like is this is this your first special like is it so this is like a culmination of all your best People's First special is like you know these are things that I was working on when I was like an idea I had as a kid like I mean my closer in this hour is a joke that I wrote in my it's like the second joke I ever wrote that's great and it just like ended up being good is is probably the reason I did comedy cuz I was like that's a good joke I know and then I WR a lot of really bad jokes and then but that's it's like it's like starting a show because like you have a good title or something like that you know what I mean all it takes is one thing to kick you off yeah like when you do your first special you are you're building an hour so like as you start to go on the road they're like can you do 30 minutes and you're like I think so you're like stretching to get to 30 and then you're at 45 and then you know you get to your hour and then I was doing an hour for a while before I recorded this so there was like you know some shaping and some calling but there is a lot of like these are the best jokes that I have that I want to memorialize and now as I'm working on my second hour it's a completely different experience we're like I'll write a joke and be like that's funny has nothing to do with this hour so I'll do it at like some random shows but I'm not going to do it on tour and that is like the best feeling that's that makes me feel like pretty darn cool yeah but would you call call standup a hobby I hope not not anymore no it's definitely I mean it's something I love to do but it's definitely my job we were debating about uh there was like a fake list that went around the internet the other day about the hobbies that women find least attractive in men is stand up like number one no I would think it would be stand up it was um it was video games were number one video gesting it was a whole list designed to piss off guys who play video games Okay um but then we kind of started talking about like what is a hobby because if you you know if you turn it into like a very literal definition of the word it's like you have to like play the guitar or something like that but and if you get paid for it obviously it becomes your profession but it's also like what you like to do in your in your I'm a big believer in Hobbies I feel like Millennials kind of killed Hobbies because they were like if you're not making money or getting famous off of it it's not worth your time um but I I actually think the Millennials in a sense killed Hobbies because they made them their profession right they created it's side hustle yeah yes I mean that's like that's exactly what happened with me and it's like I I would still be doing it for fun probably but I now just have to do it for work but it's so it's still a hobby in my mind for sure I did say it like when I first quit my job and started doing comedy fulltime I was like well I guess I got to find a hobby now because I like need something to do outside of work Outlet yeah so what do you do um I've started drawing how lame is that so no that's but that I think is like people would call it a hobby I draw trust me no one's ever going to see it are you good no but are you like it's very are you okay I'm like I'm fine like it's not like it doesn't look like kindergartener did it but it certainly doesn't look like but can you like put shadows and [ __ ] in your picture like no okay no it's it's honestly I do it because it's for whatever reason it's the only time that my brain like kind of stops it's internal monologue of Morgan Freeman right but um I just like zone out it's wild so that's like my new I did I I I had a coloring phase uh coloring book no no I meant I meant drawing i i i subconsciously said uh coloring but the uh I I had a phas a child inside so I said coloring right around the pandemic where I was like I guess I'll take up some drawing yeah and I probably did it for like two weeks yeah but then it was one of those things where I think because I started drawing or because I bought drawing stuff on Amazon then they knew to feed me drawing stuff and I saw a drawing on Instagram of a guy putting he outlined everything and then he drew orange over everything colored it all orange and then started coloring over that and I was like well how the [ __ ] am I supposed to know that orange like I'm never going to be anything if I don't know the you got to paint the whole page orange first that very funny wa what would you say is the most the least attractive hobby a guy can have the least attractive hobby a guy can have I mean that's a good question I'm I'm not a against video games I guess it depends on the video game um I I've gotten into Mario it's so fun I never thought I'd be playing video games and I like literally I'll be I'll come home from the down big do you want to play Mario Kart like it's so fun um that is a uh television is a big thing if you can play video games with your girl or guy and it doesn't end up it's also like you don't play enough that like you ruin it for the other person it's like hey I play this with my girls or I play this with my guys and now you're encroaching on it if you can find a way and you can coexist doing video games that's a whole other level of like relationship Nirvana it's so much easier that way I will say I don't think it's the most unattractive hobby a guy can have but I find fantasy football so annoying cuz it it's just so time consuming that I'm like come on there's better uses of this energy but I don't know a guy who doesn't do it and like all my favorite guys do it so like right around now is that trend of of guys sending the letter to their girlfriends being like I'm submitting my two weeks football's coming that I I I I would agree with you on that so much work fantas it's I don't know if it's my I've done maybe two seasons in my whole life and I was like you know 15 or job I I did one it doesn't have to be but the guys the problem is people do make it like a job and then if I want it to just be a hobby I'm the [ __ ] I'm the one ruining the league I'm not paying attention I get it but it's like well I'm not going to do this if you guys you're not trying hard enough as the fantasy GM like what are you talking about you hear that a lot I'm like it's mythical it's a fantasy so how is this ruining your time I [ __ ] picked my team I put them out every week yeah leave me the [ __ ] alone on it so fantasy sports that yeah people are going to hate you for that one yeah I know fantasy guys but no that the that is so obvious though I have friends who I assume play Fantasy but they don't it's not their whole lives it's not their whole like there's you you can play Fantasy and that's fine sure and then it gets to another level where like well dude come on there's or like I'm watching you know I'm like I'm rooting for my team with like fellow fans and then they start caring about other guys or almost rooting against your team and like well wait a [ __ ] minute yeah i' I've had those issues in the gambling cave where like people I'm rooting for we're rooting for the Patriots and like but I wouldn't hate if like the lions got a touchdown here I don't want them I want them zero points zero points they're the bad guys do you are you a sports fan uh yeah sort of which way did you go New England or New York uh well New York that's cuz my dad was so like I actively again I'm going to get a lot of hate for this I actively don't like football but like I like I really like hockey wait what do you mean you actively don't you go out your way it makes me angry when I'm watching it I'm spreading the word I'm like this is stupid The Game Stops every 5 Seconds nothing's happening you can't see their faces I like to get the Expressions you know so I am very actively like I mean listen I like I watch Super Bowl I like commercials I like football food a lot like I eat a buffalo wing any day of the week but T get you into it at all you know no Tor effect it didn't I just and I like Taylor Swift a lot yeah but not enough to like football I just really don't like watching football I find it mind-numbing cuz I even like I like baseball like I went to two baseball games last week I know I'm Sports um I mean talk about nothing happens though but compared to football something happens I swear to God I will this is a hill I'll die on I I'm you're not totally wrong I'm not the right person to ask cuz I have a long-standing belief that Tom Brady in the New England Patriots ruin the sport of football they were too good like everything everything now is so I used to tell him like as a Jets fan I was like we don't watch the same game we're not watching the same literally sport is different like we don't move the the football does not move you get to watch it fly all over the place ex it was two decades of like insane stuff and now you're like oh okay we we run the ball at the middle three times and we punt it that's not that welcome to the game yeah I mean I think baseball and football are both very similar when you break down the actual minutes of so it's it's kind of a tie I think baseball has more gen quad to it where yeah football it really is like stop go stop go stop go stop go I don't know I I like other than football I will watch any sport and enjoy it I don't like follow many like intensely question are you impressed with basketball players oh I'm also not I don't love basketball that much because you don't really like sports yeah I guess so two of the four major sport yeah Jackie has a theory that uh basketball players are just just big which also also I think has they're just big and they're not talented yeah well I just think okay I would't go that far no no no I that's all I said I said I think that they score too much yeah oppos problem the sport is too easy for them yeah it's kind of like Tom it's like what do we doing if we're all just like if we're all this fair I know I I I I think Jackie has some but I think it's like you don't realize that it's like not that easy we can't because they're so good at I get it I'm like still getting hate for this I don't want to put you in that spot again yeah yeah yeah okay I'm not anti- basketball I'll watch it got it got it it's not my like Vendetta against football football is when it's one of those things where and and I do like football I don't I don't love it as much as some people but I like I like watching football but if you do focus in on how much it's stopping and how little stuff is happening yeah it's all like I I've started this is a couple years ago but I I I follow Liverpool I don't I'm not a Die Hard fan I'm kind of like you how you say you watch sports where I'm like yeah I like them I'm not I'm not getting up at 6:00 a.m. to watch them but if they're on at 11 I'll watch them and I've I've kind of flipped yeah in like because I we used to say nothing happens in soccer yeah and I I can see everything happening in soccer and like now I start to see how much like nothing is happening in football where I I guess I'm becoming European yeah I hate you I don't know my husband's an avid Premier League fan so I've gotten into that and that I it's fun to watch even though like there it's not high scoring like they're moving they're shaking it's there I went to a game and that was where it kind of changed for me where it was like oh I can see the whole field I can see everything happen and also when they get hit it [ __ ] looks like you hurts not it doesn't it doesn't translate to TV I was like moala just fell 9 feet on his head and like and we're like oh stop being a [ __ ] I think what's crazy about football is football is low scoring too they just the seven points for one score if home runs were worth 10 you know the score would be 90 to 80 and S it's like 9 to8 it's just but it works people they scored 55 points they scored six and KCK a couple go know um all right well good stuff so um you got the the special is out um September 25th on YouTube on YouTube okay and uh and all of your characters and all of your uh internet stuff's on most are you on YouTube on that I feel like it's mostly working on it yeah yeah YouTube grind man it really is but all the others you know what what are the the Boston references I want to see if I still know any oh well definitely the Pats Tom Brady they didn't cheat a big one that's a big one um and the Celtics of course uh Sam Adams Dunkin Donuts rotaries I think Sam Adams the beer not Sam Adams the beer yeah not the not the uh oh did you mean Samy Adams my brain went to the Founding Father no no don't worry you went to college I didn't you know who I heard a lot of in college Sammy Adams say Sammy Adams would be a good addition to the character I'm not going tell you to do your job sing singing Sam Adams it would probably TR aome boy oh my God stuff all right well thank you we appreciate thank you guys this was so fun thank you so much appreciate it all right big thanks for watching if you made it through this whole episode that means you should be subscribed there so many of you out there who watch and don't subscribe so make sure you are a KFC radio subscriber make sure you get all the content when it drops click that button now I have nine fingers I'm still subscribed is that easy