Last week tonight with john oliver (HBO) season 4, 8/25

when I got to my parents house I had a feeling something wasn't right something was a miss when we gathered for our annual family supper when I opened the door to my car and could hear my dad and son fighting my worries were validated damn it Gramps this isn't right watch your mouth boy remember whose house you're in I am absolutely not interested in being involved with this regardless of whose property it is Bradley I am calling you Mom I heard her cry Brad sprinted out the front door and stood motionless before me his expression changing from frown to Amazement Dad I'm sorry I wasn't a part of this oh really how as a sinking feeling of dread began to take hold of my gut I forced myself to speak as a group we turned to watch as my parents and my fiance Karen stood on the porch my dad had his customary expressionless expressionless face my mom had a determined expression and Karen had a look that conveyed both fear and concern Brad turned back to face me after yelling this isn't right at them he then shook his head in disdain run Dad it's a trap he whispered calmly mom is in there I felt queasy and may have moaned aloud as the idea of having to face my ex wife again made me queasy although I no longer harbored the resentment and animosity that I once did the Fallout from our divorce had driven me to try to cut her out of my life since finding out about her infidelity I had only spoken to her twice once the night I left and again not long after she had been served with the divorce papers I turned to face the people who had provoked my involvement as I silently watched my son walk to his car get in and speed away remarkably I experienced a sense of Tranquility I had resisted this and my feelings regarding it were clear but others believed I required this their trap had been set their decisions had been taken and regardless of their intentions there would now be repercussions whatever happened later this situation demanded my attention in a more abstract sense it was like skydiving or jumping from an airplane or maybe even being thrown from an airplane no matter how loud you scream how many prayers you say you're still going to fall the kind of gallows wisdom that had me collecting my thoughts washed away my anxiety my life as it does during many terrifying occasions whizzed by regrettably I was unable to savor the pleasant periods and instead centered on the past few years and diadro we had enjoyed a decent 26-year marriage not spectacular but good enough we had met in college tied the knot graduated found jobs had three children purchased vehicles and a house the Suburban ideal looking back I never saw any warning signals of our imminent collapse we were never part of the popular crowd and d and I were never thought of as particularly attractive we're just average I'm 6' 2 in tall and about 170 lb which some people call scrawny my curly black hair and bigger nose are signs of my Mediterranean ancestry and my black spectacles and pocket protector make me look like a nerd um engineer though she wasn't a model I had always admired ded's long body and Tiny breasts I thought she was stunning and up until that day she was my ideal woman didra resem someone out of a Harry Potter fan convention she's tall slender and geeky she weighs 130 lb and stands 5' 11 in tall with her long straight brown hair and large rimmed glasses that accentuate her dark brown eyes having worked our way up the corporate ladder dedri as a technical writer for a major local Corporation and me as an engineer we were doing well financially but we'd had some major Outlet in the last decade a new home three children's College tuition and two weddings that had left us short on funds other than the new home I wouldn't change a thing I suppose I had different expectations when we finally became empty ners we were both 47 years old healthy with good jobs in a house our sex life wasn't terrible being conservative but getting together at least once a week our love life on the other hand and was a bit more hit or miss I had worked hard to keep the Romantic fires burning but it was a challenge we had attempted to commit to a date night once a week but with our jobs and other distractions it was more like once a month in the Years following our youngest son Brad's departure for college dedra's already Stellar reputation at work took Center Stage as she spearheaded a massive corporate project rewriting the company's training materials with the help of a large team she seemed to have made her job her life's primary focus and the amount of time she spent there quickly surpassed our marital finances as the primary source of contention I was proud of her but I was also worried by the intensity with which she delved into her project her team and she were nominated for National Honors by the National Technical writers association and the professional association to which her employer belonged after 15 months of hard work on the project which had received High Praise from higher management despite the fact that the project had consumed her life for the last year I went to witness her acceptance speech at the national Tech writers conference and was immensely proud of her dedra's face lit up as she reveled in the night of Honor a month later the annual conference of the corporations Association was a veritable circus compared to the previous one Tech writing was just one of many categories on honored and D's team was so big that her employer agreed to cover everyone's travel costs except their spouses since we had already spent most of my vacation time and had splurged on the last conference diadre attended this one solo sharing a hotel room with another coworker this wasn't a huge issue because she had gone to conferences before without me but if I had known what was going to happen in Chicago during those 4 days I would have made arrangements to be there as the old adage goes hindsight is 2020 I had no idea my marriage had been shattered at that moment Dedra had returned home sick she had claimed to have caught a flu bug and had been sick the night before but it had actually happened at the reception party afterwards she had drunk a lot at the reception and had gotten very sick I believed her story for 3 months until I got an unexpected visit thankfully it hadn't happened at the award W's banquet Thomas Jordan the vice president of dedra's division at work was married to A well-dressed attractive woman in her early 60s I had met him on a few occasions at corporate functions he was a distinguished looking trim man in his late 50s with salt and pepper hair I always felt a touch of arrogance around him but I couldn't determine if it was a trait of his personality or just a result of his position I learned a lot from my conversation with his wife who revealed that Mr Jordan had a thing for women she had caught him in an affair before they were married but they had made up she thought he had been faithful after that until about 2 years ago when he started lying and making her suspicious again finally 6 months ago she had had enough there was evidence of his long-term Affair which Mrs Jordan told me she had but it wasn't with Dedra regrettably there was also evidence of his one night stand with my wife in Chicago which seemed to be a one night stand but she couldn't be sure the investigation was halted soon after the trip to Chicago because she had all the evidence she needed for the divorce she gave me pictures of my wife and her husband that made my heart skip a beat among them were ones of My Wife and Her VP doing dirty dances in the ballroom making out and even a couple of shots of Jordan with his hand hands under my wife's little black dress a look of pure lust and ecstasy written all over dri's face a few minutes later they emerged from the hotel restroom and deer's dress was visibly straightened her makeup adjusted her complexion Ruddy and she looked very strange Ms Jordan left me copies of her report and pictures and the last batch showed them wrapped together as they entered his hotel room while none of the shots were very explicit it was clear what had happened on the last night of the conference I knew right once that my marriage was finished could I have forgiven her for a single slip up probably not but it was possible any trust I had left was shattered and her treachery in keeping it a secret for me for months was just as destructive to our Union as her infidelity itself I returned home that night to find Dedra working late once again and I couldn't help but worry if behind those locked off office doors she was really working or if she was meeting up with Jordan or another coworker that's the thing isn't it restoring trust is a real pain in most cases it never returns and even if it does it's never the same doubt permeates everything making you question your past and present actions things that were once seen as innocent are now viewed with suspicion I had left copies of the most damning images is on the table so by the time dra got home I was halfway packed as I emerged from the bedroom with my bags I found her sitting down in the kitchen looking downcast at me through her tears with a whisper she apologized to Billy are you not embarrassed enough to tell me the truth though I scowled have you ever told me she muttered no with a tear streaming down her cheek as I stormed out the door banged shut behind me 4 days later she received her divorce papers in the early days she had tried calling me multiple times but I had been incredibly harsh telling her that she couldn't alter anything and that she should never contact me again was that extreme definitely but I was in agony and it was her misery that had caused it so her sentiments didn't matter even though I knew it was just a temporary situation the trust we had once shared had been shattered and I was unsure if I could have endured the kind of marriage that would have persisted had I gone through with the divorce I didn't Begin by intending to cut off all contact with dedri rather I needed space from her to process my feelings of anger and hurt it was a controversial decision but I ultimately decided I needed to move on even though my friends and family had different opinions some said I should dump the but most thought we should try to reconcile since we had invested so many years into it my parents were the most outspoken every time someone tried to convince me to forgive dri I had to defend my decision and answer their questions about why I couldn't they wanted to know why she couldn't just keep her legs together if she loved me so much and I felt like I was constantly arguing with them my parents children and friends all disapproved and I felt like I was constantly defending my decision over time I became weary and irritated by being made to feel like it was my fault that we were divorcing I made it clear to everyone that Dedra and my divorce were no longer going to be discussed and I made it clear that I would not engage with anyone who couldn't respect that decision some people understood but many didn't and I had some ugly confrontations with those who didn't I just got up and left whenever she was brought up quietly if I could loudly and rudely otherwise it's no surprise that publicly asking my so-called friends if I could borrow their wives for a weekend of sex because it was forgiven and not a marriage killer didn't go over well neither did telling them I was moving on and that they could shove it up their Ares if it offended them during that time I lost a number of friends I kept my children from taking sides but but I did make it plain that they were not to speak to me about their mother and they were reluctantly supportive of my decision even though I knew they hoped their parents' marriage could survive they were horrified and furious with their mother but they didn't leave her my parents disregarded my wishes regarding their mother but my children did she is rather possessive of my Greek ancestry and can be rather demanding when it comes to listening to viewpoints that differ from her own my mother had feelings for and was unable to accept the fact that we were divorcing my dad on the other hand is a different sort of bossy he served 20 years as an army drill sergeant and has been called a to put it mildly and far worse things have been said about him on their own they're manageable but when they're in sync they're a formidable force it seems that their incessant advising on my responsibilities and commitments after my divorce for my cheating ex-wife was deemed unnatural as they continued to do so regardless of Dad's Behavior after five heated arguments they finally understood that Dedra was off limits my oldest brother had died in an accident 20 years ago he had been childless and had no children left behind so I knew that threatening to cut off all contact with them in the event that they brought up my impending divorce or her again would get their attention two of my older sisters rose and Monica were a different story my parents had been so involved in their marriages and families that they had driven them away neither of them had spoken to my parents more than a handful of times in over a decade so when I issued my ultimatum my parents reluctantly agreed even though I knew it would be unpleasant I went ahead and scheduled one last meeting with Dedra because that was her sole demand before she would sign the divorce paper bill I apologize she whispered tenderly I understand it won't alter anything but I wanted you to be aware that it occurred solely that one occasion I know you can choose not to believe me but the truth remains you're correct dedri I said with an air of coldness it won't make a difference and I really am not pressured to believe you in reality though because what's the point Des desite her icy exterior I could feel my remarks hitting home to her credit though she persisted fearlessly I'd like to say I was drunk but I wasn't so drunk that I couldn't have stopped it as a result why she let out a heavy sigh I really would prefer to have an easy response to that for the benefit of both of us my life at home wasn't entirely devoid of fulfillment either I suppose so I take it that's not entirely accurate accurate though I wouldn't have given in so readily if you were providing me with all I needed am I to blame for this then when I became angry I hit a wall oh no oh my please don't think that she shouted out briefly losing her control what I meant was that no one including you could satisfy my desires your love and support were important but I also needed to succeed independently and get validation from other people no one could possibly satisfy all my desires including you it was my inflated sense of self-importance that led me astray I was sure I could handle everything that came my way and I became irresponsible in my Jubilation at receiving our award how about that for haughtiness I loved it when Mis Jordan started praising me non-stop everyone was staring at me and applauding me as I went about my day it was the combination of that and the alcohol that caused me to lose my composure and enjoy the ride when he led me up to his hotel room I knew what was about to happen I'll go to my grave regretting I didn't stop it earlier I can't tell you exactly why I gave in and walked into his room I can tell you I knew I'd already crossed too many lines and was already guilty of betraying you there were my actions at the party the teasing and grop hoping the passionate kissing and allowing him to feel me up in a hotel bathroom she sounded terrified she averted her gaze and dabbed at her eyes after collecting herself she turned back to face me and went on shocked and bewildered I sought refuge in his bathroom until he departed there I stared into the mirror and saw an Unfaithful woman staring back at me I could see my world teetering on the brink of disaster and I knew I was responsible for pushing it over the edge now I desperately sought a way to reverse its descent bill I love you and I Need Your Love even though it doesn't seem that way I have built my life upon the rock of your love and encouragement after getting home from the seminar I came to the realization that there was no way I could Salvage our marriage by admitting to you there was never any doubt in either of our minds during our marriage that infidelity would lead to the dissolution of our Union I decided not to tell you my reasons were selfish but also practical just so you wouldn't lose anything right I grumbled I smacked her across the face I wasn't even attempting to conceal the fact that my hurt and rage were about to explode she whispered I said my reasoning was selfish it was a onetime error and I would make sure it never occurred again I also understood that admitting would not lead to anything good apart from our weekly status meetings I had very little interaction with Mr Jordan therefore I refrained from resigning or requesting a transfer plus you would grown suspicious and begun to inquire if I had being as intelligent as you are you would have started to assume something unsavory had transpired in Chicago Billy I love you unconditionally regardless of whether you believe me or not the idea of you being injured and in misery due to my acts was too much for me to Bear the guilt was too much and it was enough for us both I decided to live with my humiliation and silence forever I hoped for a second opportunity I vowed to God and any other God who would listen that I would never let myself sink to that level again and that if given the chance I would be the most wonderful wife anybody could ask for I guess you might say that was the expected outcome perhaps I said they remembered those were the same vows you made on our wedding day and perhaps they knew like I do now your promises are worthless she watched me in silence her eyes begging she shared my hope that there would be some way to repair what had been broken but we both realized it was too late a few months later our divorce was finalized and I found myself attempting to move on after the meeting dri signed the divorce papers which were fair and near to what the courts probably would concluded after that I had no further contact with her in the first year following the divorce my children Kathy Mary and Brad were there for me I wasn't as awful as I had been throughout the divorce but I was still bitter and accusatory I knew that Kathy Mary and Brad were there for their mother too but I never asked and they were kind enough not to tell me anything on the other hand my relationship with my parents was Rocky to say the least the Spectre of my failed marriage seemed to hover over every conversation I don't know how much longer it would have lingered like that but things changed when they met my fiance it took me a few months after the divorce to start dating again and it was awful I don't know what I was expecting but it seemed like every woman I dated had just as much baggage as me I bet the women who didn't have as much baggage probably wished our dates would end because my bitterness spoiled their nights for around 7 months I continued down that path until I met Karen who transformed my life slightly over 5 ft tall and carrying around 30 extra pounds luckily most of it was in her breasts and butt Karen was a peti e curvaceous delightful bundle of joy her dark brunette hair accentuated her lovely face and enormous toothy smile when we first met she had been divorced for nearly 9 years and had escaped an extremely abusive marriage tragically her only child a son had followed in his father's abusive footsteps and disappeared 3 years prior to our dating to say that beneath her outwardly happy and bubbly exterior was a terrified woman with severe trust issues would have been a tremendous understatement I should have known better than to question Karen's capacity to win people over she just had that quality my parents loved adad but they adored Karen she felt adopted into the family after just two meetings with them despite the fact that Karen was far from Flawless and that we both struggled greatly with trust difficulties she gave meaning to my lifeless existence and I fell head over heels for her since we had only been dating seriously for approximately 6 months she agreed to marry me but only with a few conditions the first was that our engagement would be at least a year long to avoid hastily planning our nuptials the second the less desirable was that we would both undergo counseling to ensure that we wouldn't bring the problems from our previous marriages into our current one in coup's therapy which we began a month later we worked through many of the hurtful things that had been brought to light on both sides Karen had a particularly hard time processing my refusal to communicate with my ex-wife I had been completely honest with Karen about my marriage and divorce when we first started dating by that point I could talk about it without getting upset or angry I understood that Karen was worried that I might still feel feelings for dedre and I guess she was right after 20 years of marriage those feelings don't just go away of course they've evolved from what they were before my love for Dedra had been tainted with anger and bitterness and whatever love that was left was so diluted that it couldn't ever harm my love for Karen I didn't see the point in reliving the pain of my divorce it seemed like my opinions and sentiments regarding the subject were going to be disregarded please will have a conversation with her Karen said silently I stepped up onto the porch nodding and sighing my mother approached to embrace me and I retreated please do not touch me I sternly asked I could feel the agony in her expression as the consequences of her betrayal started to sink in and I saw the fear on Karen's face as she Advanced so I shook my head in disapproval that was fantastic are you also going to have a tantrum my father asked with a sneer to hell with you grandpa with one more cringeworthy remark from you I'll be leaving I snarled back at him okay then do you have anything else to say you scumbag even though my father and I had many an argument I had never verbally abused him to the point where his face grew red and his neck veins bulged I was afraid he was about to have a stroke at that very moment he was still in good physical condition but at 75 years old it wouldn't have been fair to fight him the unfortunate reality was that I would have hit my aging father if things had continued like this he clenched his fists and I felt he might really swing at me what a tragic situation I told myself perhaps it's truly time to separate and begin a new I walked past him and into the house where the sights and smells brought back a flood of memories my parents had lived here since my brother died and the place felt like a second home to me the furniture the carpet and the walls all carried the spirit of my parents I was struck with a profound Melancholy at the notion that I may never set foot in this house again however my train of thinking was jolted out of its train of thought by the sight of her seated in the living room I watched as she stood up and I saw that she had lost more weight than than she should have she looked exhausted and her tired smile seemed forced despite all that I could still see the woman I had fallen in love with all those years ago the wounds I carried must have been visible on my face as I watched her smile fade I'm sorry Billy she murmured I told them this was a very bad idea but they wouldn't listen her lips curled into a slight sneer as she let out a snort not like your parents have ever listened after edra's reaction I realized I wasn't disguising my dark thoughts and it was my turn to smirk there was a lot of Truth to that remark I could feel The Frigid wrath at their treachery building in my mind they truly went too far this time didn't they a nod came from me has it gone too far quietly she inquired I don't know but I think so I apologize I attempted to inform them but I get the impression that they thought it was crucial for your and karan's future together despite their annoying nature bill they genuinely care for you on her end Karen feels the same way just enough to disregard my desires though isn't it I snapped whether they thought my decision was simple stubborn or just wrong it was my decision not theirs I said their contempt for me is evident in this even though I'm startled that you're involved at least the kids weren't I am aware that Kathy and Mary assured them that they wouldn't be it was a terrible plan and they pleaded with the three people involved to reconsider according to both of them it would appear that Brad was oblivious to the situation because he was deeply involved in a significant school project his undivided attention on his coursework and his goal of graduating at the end of the semester makes it understandable as for me well it's simple for the first time in over 20 years I watched the lady who had been my rock change position in an uncomfortable way during our marriage she lacked the profound Melancholy that now characterized her despite my expectations it fell short of satisfying me Bill she replied with a Melancholy grin no matter what I say or how you respond to it we're already on bad terms you hate me and I've lost you so there's nothing more I can lose I first declined when your parents requested that I do this I didn't want to hurt you anymore even though I was completely out of options next Karen dropped by and we had a lengthy conversation at the very least she wanted me to talk to you she was not happy about it but she acknowledged that I needed to be honest so I told her what I was going to tell you I told her she was playing with fire and regardless of whatever I said or however you reacted to it she could still easily lose you I'm sorry to say she still needed to do this she really does love you but she's terrified you still have strong feelings towards me it's fear plain and simple the kids have told me a little about her and her past and I'm sure that's where most of this is coming from we were both Frozen in an uncomfortable Stillness as we stared at one another At Last I let out a heavy sigh very well Dedra I confessed say what you need to say how do we do this would you kindly accompany me on a stroll in the backyard she whispered to Billy in an effort to conceal my emotions I silently nodded we walked quietly in my parents expansive lawn shielded from Curious onlookers Whispering she broke the spell of quiet I'm sorry Bill you didn't deserve this and now sadly she exhaled to my astonishment she cracked a small smile Bill I've been completely ignorant in so many ways I realized I had lost you when I slept with Mr Jordan but I never made an effort to apologize I saw the pointlessness in it so I didn't bother but I was mistaken I wanted to respect your desire that we not communicate when we were apart because I felt terrible shame my primary motivation was to give you some space to consider your options and determine your next steps regrettably that was not the outcome I was aware that many of our relatives and friends had approached you about the possibility of a divorce I attempted to dissuade them but I fear that my portrayal as the remorseful sinner only served to inflame the situation I wanted so badly to undo my foolishness and Salvage our marriage but my regrets appeared to excite your parents and a few of our acquaintances I'm sorry they made you feel like you had to isolate yourself and avoid communicating with me therein is my error for a few seconds I just stared at her my bewilderment plainly visible she grinned sorrowfully in response I meant to give you space but I neglected to do something that would have helped us recover from it no matter how futile it seemed I should have done something anything to demonstrate my continued love and Devotion to you she cut me off just as I was about to speak I wish I had done something different to help us heal after the divorce instead of just saying I was sorry I would have put my actions in front of you to prove it I wish I could have found some peace in knowing that I had tried to show you even if it hadn't prevented the divorce I can't tell you how much I regret not doing that there were num numerous instances when I attempted to contact you by phone in order to arrange a meeting but you would thereafter end all contact with me after months of circling around potential approaches you finally met Karen and I finally felt a sense of purpose the kids told me a little bit about her and how she was affecting you I can't tell you I wasn't jealous but I realized then you'd moved on I tried to move on as well I wasn't as successful as you were part of my problem was I needed closure with you I needed to say some things to you but I didn't really know how then this opportunity came along and I was given a second chance to at least Rectify that mistake even if I can't change any of the others so Bill and she took my hand very Softly As she looked up at me she started to cry releasing some of the pent up anger and sadness that she had carried about for a long long time my husband she murmured and to me you'll always be my husband I am so sorry I can't imagine the disappointment and pain I've caused you I'm ashamed of my actions and how they've ruined the most precious thing in my life my marriage to you and yes it was the most precious thing but I took my eyes off of guarding it instead of protecting it I took it for granted and looked only at myself in doing so I allowed it to be poisoned in one evening I destroyed our family I destroyed our future because of me our children have had to split their time between their mother and father instead of Simply enjoying us as a family what I was hearing was so foreign to me that I had trouble understanding it my emotional state much outstripped my mental state what do you want dearra what are you hoping for what I want is a chance to be back in your life what I hope is this little stunt they pulled will make you question if Karen is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with you think I'll dump Karen and take you back her lips curled into a smile this little stunt has hurt your relationship with Karen more than she imagines it will what I hope is that after this your relationship with her isn't exclusive I'm praying you begin dating other women again and allow me to be one of them I won't lie and say it doesn't sound good to me but I know it can't happen that way I know you and I know that Billy I apologize for this unexpected encounter it has allowed me to finally reveal my innermost thoughts and feelings but I am sorry that it has happened to you please remember that you are the only one who can truly judge your actions so do what makes you happy because I realize you have a lot on your mind I will now leave you alone hi Bill I adore you I fear that I will always be somewhat influenced by whatever you decide as she passed me she delicately caressed my arm looking into her eyes I could see a mixture of relief and worn Melancholy I too felt the same fatigue but without the relief after all this time I began to wonder if I ever wanted or could have a relationship with my ex-wife and I sat down on a patio bench completely taken aback by dri's confession and proposal she wearily approached me as I heard the patio door open her shy words sent my thoughts back to my fiance the woman who had professed her love for me is he going to I fought to keep my feelings and ideas apart for fear that they would explode so I avoided looking up hey are we all right no I said and the fact you have to ask says a lot about our relationship her voice quivered as she choked out an apology I know I don't think you're regretful enough to have spared me this treatment you would still subject me to this treatment wouldn't you she whispered an apology to Will and began to cry as she explained but I needed so badly to know to know that I know I said that I loved you more than my ex-wife even though I've told you that the same thing many times after all Deeds really do speak louder than words don't they after a few moments of awkward silence during which neither of us could find the words to express what was required I let out a heavy sigh and turned to face her I tried to make you trust me Karen I'm sorry but you just can't I whispered I suppose you're unable to since the anxiety and uncertainty stemming from your history are too great oh no she exclaimed that is not accurate today you prove to me that I can have faith in you for our sake you endured much difficulty and Agony no I said with a sigh I completed it because you asked me to remember all those stuff from before like coup's therapy I completed those tasks for us but what about today today was dedicated solely to you so it's great that you're informing me I passed an exam but I have to ask what price is it I apologize will I was desperate for an answer therein lies the issue it was necessary for you but how about my needs listen Karen trust issues aren't unique to you now when it's clear I can't trust you you claim you can trust me you would have failed your test if I had passed it your supposed affection for me was overshadowed by your anxieties and doubts today when something happens next week that makes you doubt me or even us what steps do I need to take to regain your trust Karen I said I can't bear to live that way even for a short period of time I lack the strength to bear that burden alone I may be able to do it later on but not at this moment her voice quivering she said will you please forgive me I'm so sorry my tone was one of calm apology and I answered of course I forgive you but you knew I would didn't you perhaps you even used it as an excuse for your behavior subtly lowering her head she gave a little nod however things have changed haven't they she murmured softly a nod came from me then what are our remaining options silently I sat there spent Beyond exhausted and determined not to be angry or deceived longer well I'm not sure if you want to continue dating after the engagement is over that's totally up to you will it's unfair I am regretful that my actions caused you pain I don't think you do I snaap back perhaps if I reached out to your exson and ex-husband and arranged a surprise weekend retreat for the three of you we could all enjoy ourselves until you were actually there I would keep it a secret after that you would be able to resolve any remaining conflicts with them as I stared into her eyes I could see a sudden light bulb go off and then her tears came afterwards I would assure you it was for the best and express my admiration for your courage in confronting your problems if you knew how hurt I am maybe you would understand stand I guess I was still numb because I was shocked I didn't want to run to her rescue now that her tears were pouring freely she whispered her apology before silently sobbing me too I exclaimed now we'll have to start all over again am I still loved by you she timidly inquired in my opinion yes I am currently at a loss for thought to be perfectly honest truthfully I do still care about about you but it's unclear to me how things have changed do you realize how much I care for you yes I realize that's not the best time to ask me that question as much as you can love me at the moment I think that's true to the best of my abilities huskily she inquired a nod came from me however isn't that insufficient I'd be dishonest if I claimed otherwise assuming that is our mutual desire perhaps our love will intensify with time but for now we'll just be dating right I gasped and said I believe that would be the best all right so are you planning to date her too is this D yes I perhaps but I'm not sure neither before nor throughout our time together had I ever given it a second thought with everything going the way it is I suppose I'll have to figure out what to do with her look Karen I'm really tired I need to go home and pack a few things fortunately I still have my apartment so I'll be staying there until we figure all this out I'll call you in a few days and we can decide where we go from here she was embraced by me as I Rose to my feet her tears were damp against my chest I leaned in for a gentle lip kiss after kissing her on top of the head saying goodbye Karen I returned to my parents place I had to tell them something according to what dadra had said it was closure even though my thoughts were racing I could still make out my ex-fiance's soft sobs from behind me my mom and dad were in the kitchen when I came in I knew what to expect from their expressions my dad looked like he was on the verge of losing it and my mom had a troubled but Resolute expression on her face it would indicate that my parents would argue over the morality of their cond conduct and my dad would advise me to move on they have followed this pattern for the most of my existence I hated to say it but it was almost over well my mom said now I don't think that was so bad was it I suppose it depends on your point of view I stated in a subdued tone from mine it was extremely painful doing the right thing can hurt sometimes my dad said with a scowl you know that yeah I moaned that's what makes this so hard Not only was it very difficult to talk to Dedra it was even more painful to be stabbed in the back by those I used to trust it won't happen again as my mom started to explain oh no honey it wasn't like that I jumped in and said of course it was even though I told you no you went ahead and did it nevertheless you chose to force your ideals on me regardless of my Des desires or the fact that it was my choice however I have already promised that this will not happen again after you expelled Rose and Monica I was hoping you to would have taken anything useful away from the experience but apparently not you seem unable or unwilling to cease much like my sisters this is the end I'm sad you won't be able to spend your golden years with any of your children but I suppose that's the cost of being a manipulative and bullying person stop threatening us dude my dad became quite angry and snapped at me not a threat I'm just ending this I shot back every so often I'll send you a card if that will help you feel better no need to try calling or contacting me till then I will not answer my parents intervention circus had come to an end and I turned and walked out of their house for what I thought would be the last time my mother's pleas and crying muted by my father's cursing and ranting I cut off all communication with my parents even going so far as to disconnect my landline and get a new cell number despite this they continued to try to Corner me at home and at the office my relationship with my parents was always a big topic of conversation when I went out with Karen again it wasn't the sole reason we broke up but it was a contributing factor we could both see see that our relationship was deteriorating and in the end Karen wasn't emotionally stable enough to help me get over my distrust of her it wasn't malicious but it was what it was we both expected our final breakup later on I reached the conclusion that it was time for a fresh start and attempted a transfer but my employer was not a multinational conglomerate so there were only a few possibilities and those weren't available I consequently applied for and accepted a comparable position albeit with a lesser income in a different state even though they weren't thrilled dedre and Brad were neither surprised nor thrilled to hear that I was leaving my parents had been harassing our children but our daughters were far enough away that they were able to avoid the drama by blocking certain phone numbers unfortunately Brad didn't have the same luck upon our first meeting he expressed his frustration that they were pressuring him to make such decisions I empathized with him but my heart still went out to him I regret putting my son in such a situation but I don't think things would have turned out differently ultimately he also severed ties with them Dedra wanted to know if I had considered her suggestion before I left so I informed her that I had I then asked if she would mind if I dropped by whenever I returned to town and she smiled and expressed her hope that I would after a low-key departure from town I began to settle into my new environment and after a couple of months of enjoying my new job despite the tight finances I went on a few dates two of which turned out to be nothing more than one night stands Lori was a Charming little blonde divorce in her early 40s she was morbidly obese but had the most stunning blue eyes and a lovely face see you an attractive woman I'd met at work was a good number of years my senior and in excellent physical condition because to her Devotion to yoga as I sipped my wine and reflected on my present relationship situation I heard a tap on my apartment door as I opened it I sensed that things were about to alter once more hi she whispered I was hoping I could sneak up on you a bit I would like to speak with some of the present tenants of this complex before deciding to rent an apartment there may I come in please her figure and appearance were unremarkable but she had a way of making my heart skip a beat she was a tall slender brunette with shoulder-length hair that was frosted with gold her big gold framed spectacles accentuated her large eyes which conveyed a never-ending dance of Hope determination doubt and fear deadra I said why are you in this place I felt it would be hypocritical of me to try to hide my continued affection for you after my lengthy speech about being a hypocrite also before you departed you did practically ask me out dra I asked if I could call on you when I got back into town she grinned sheepishly and answered yes but you didn't return fast enough Billy she replied her voice betraying her emotions I'm striving to achieve equilibrium I want to give you room to start aesh but I also want you to know that I'd love the chance to prove to you that we can still have a future together I realize I'm not doing a good job of balancing and I'm probably already borderline stalking you but I needed you to know if you want I'd like to start over as well I know our marriage is dead but I believe we still have feelings for each other I'd like to see where we might go if we started dating again Dedra moving into my apartment complex well that was a line oh I'd be very open to renting here but I figured it might bother you me being so close I'm actually staying at a local Motel right now I interviewed for a position in the area this morning the position is solid even if it is a level lower than where I currently am but it looks like I should regain that level within a year or two they offered me the job but I told them to give me a couple days since I needed to talk to you first I lost my input in your decisions when we divorced actually I lost it before then a little frown formed on her face and she averted her gaze she pivoted around and locked eyes with me of course you're right but I'm making an effort to change that if you'd rather that I leave I promise not to disturb you again hear me out Billy I too am attempting a fresh start I intend to relocate and have begun by making some minor cosmetic changes I needed to break away from the past and start over regardless of your decision later this month I have three further interviews set up in other cities I have a strong possibility of getting one of those jobs but for now I just want to start over here because that's where the two men I'm interested in meeting will be just as I was about to respond her words hit me two her grin was gentle Brad on the other hand plans to relocate here after he finishes College within the next week or two he should contact to make sure everything is fine with you it seems like your parents are still a major source of stress for him even while he's a college student and he's also eager to start over I shook my head and murmured damn it when will they ever learn they will not stop no matter what I do I wish I could stop them he shouldn't have to go through this either I'm sorry for Brad too she said in regards to your parents I think Karen maintains everyday contact with them maybe they'll take her in as their own good I said with a chuckle it's terrifying to think about it made dedri giggle the sound of her laughter made my heart skip a beat taking me back to happier times when the pain and rage weren't as intense actually I am not seeking any assurances or commitments Billy to state that I do not anticipate any assurances or commitments would be more precise a fresh start is what I'm seeking no matter how tiny Your Role is I would love to have you be a part of that well she said her breath coming in small rapid breaths what are your feelings on my proposal instead of asking me about my ideas I realiz ized she was interested in how I felt the move was likely astute my mind was a complete jumble she expressed an interest in becoming closer to me which bothered and pleased me a subtle sense of manipulation into choosing a choice washed over me another way of looking at it was that I was being offered a second opportunity it was more of a reaction to the situation and the immense pressure I was feeling at the time than an intentional attempt to cut ties with DED at the time I felt an overwhelming urge to physically distance myself from her and that need eventually became something rigid that burden had been lifted it was just me who was controlling everything although the pain and betrayal were still there they weren't quite as crippling as they had been in the past although my trust was severely shaken I was aware that my love for her remained unbroken would it be possible to restore it I said suppose maybe but it would be a long haul and definitely not the same as before but would it be an improvement over what I could discover elsewhere as I gave dedri the green light to enter my flat I took a step back I think you'd find living in these apartments nice maintenance is easy to work with and it's pretty quiet it was an easy choice for me it was necessary to try both options in order to discover the answer I would still date other women but G would also be on my dating radar no one knew for sure how long that would last at some point I anticipate being in a committed relationship with dedri without a doubt she knows just how to win my heart she has a greater grasp of who I am than any potential girlfriend of mine but she must also contend with the lingering effects of our previous marriage could I get married again in my opinion it's unlikely to this day the idea of being married to D Celia Lori or anyone else still appeals to me not at all I doubt I will ever be interested in marriage again what with my history of a broken marriage and engagement however one can never say for sure