Browse Transcripts

Category: Comedy

-welcome back to "the tonight show." it is time for the "name that song challenge." -♪ name that song ♪ ♪ name that song challenge ♪ -my teammate tonight stars in the hit show "only murders in the building." season 4 is streaming now on hulu, with new episodes on tuesdays. give it up for martin short!... Read more

Category: Comedy

-welcome back to the show, selena, marty, steve. thank you so much for coming here. -james kamala fallon, we love you. -thomas. james thomas. thanks. -okay, first of all, we're here because we love you. -thank you. -and we're also here because colbert has gotten a little pickier. -okay, right. -but... Read more

Category: Comedy

-finally, guys, it's monday. it's time for "wepost." here we go. -whoa! -♪ wepost ♪ ♪♪ ♪ wepost ♪ -welcome to "wepost." this is where we, as a group, decide something we should post on socials. i'm gonna show you five different posts, and we're all gonna vote on whether you like each one or not. and... Read more

Category: Comedy

-guys, just a quick mention that this friday is the golf matchup everyone is talking about. it will be settled once and for all. that's right, i'm talking about the cardigan classic i challenged... [ applause ] i challenged dj khaled to a golf match. he looks like a fun guy to play with and he's really... Read more

Category: Comedy

-i'm sorry if i -- if i seem a little distracted. i'm still thinking about this nightmare i had last night. or should i say my tonightmare? [ thunder crashes, woman screams ] i was alone, lost in the middle of a corn maze. it was getting dark, and i couldn't find my way out. ♪♪ i started to panic. i... Read more

Category: Comedy

-performing "flea" from her new album, "all born screaming," give it up for st. vincent! [ cheers and applause ] -♪ i'm just like a hungry little flea ♪ ♪♪ ♪ jumping on somebody's warm body ♪ ♪ when you start to itch and scratch and scream ♪ ♪ once i'm in, you can't get rid of me ♪ ♪ once i'm in, you... Read more

Category: Comedy

[ cheers and applause ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ don't blink, don't wait, don't walk, you're late ♪ ♪ don't fall from grace, behave, don't trip, sashay ♪ ♪ okay, sashay ♪ ♪ don't kid, don't blame, don't snap, insane ♪ ♪ don't crack, don't act your age, don't change your name ♪ ♪ it's all the rage ♪ ♪ do ask, but don't... Read more

Category: Comedy

-you look fantastic. thanks so much for being here. -thanks. i'm so happy to be here. -i haven't see you in a while. and i said, "how was your summer?" and you told me you had a brat summer. -well, duh. -what do you mean "well, duh"? -didn't everyone have a brat summer? -yeah, i mean... [ cheers and... Read more

Category: Comedy

-enjoy yourself. enjoy yourself. welcome, everybody. welcome to "the tonight show"! you're here. you made it. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for watching. well, guys, tomorrow, in philadelphia is the big presidential debate between vice president harris and former president trump. which, of course,... Read more

Category: Comedy

[ knock on door ] -hey, demi. -hey, jimmy. -i'm so happy you're here. thanks so much for being on the show. you look fantastic! -well, yes. i mean, you see how i dress to appear on "the tonight show"? very demi moore, very mindful. i mean, i don't come to "the tonight show" with a green-cut crease.... Read more

Category: Comedy

-welcome back to "the tonight show." we're about to play a game called box of lies, but i'm gonna need some help. she's a very talented actor you can see in the new movie "the substance," which is in theaters nationwide on september 20th. please welcome demi moore! [ cheers and applause ] welcome, welcome,... Read more

Category: Comedy

-thank you so much and welcome back to the show. thanks for coming on our show. look at you here on the cover of "variety." [ cheers and applause ] they're calling this the year of the -- the demissance. -wow. doesn't that sound like a party that we should go to? -yeah, we should go to the demissance.... Read more

Category: People & Blogs

[applause] how are you they're very excited i couldn't even get the beginning out they were so excited it's nice to see you both so do you enjoy being here both from the uk do you enjoy being in new york city like working yeah i actually have lived here for a long time cuz i went to school here but... Read more

Category: Comedy

-paris hilton, welcome back to the show. you look fantastic, as always. the album is out officially at midnight. right now, it's out. [ cheers and applause ] "infinite icon." pink vinyl. how rad is this? -so sick. -it is sick. -iconic. -how are you? how is the family, by the way? -the family is doing... Read more

Category: People & Blogs

Introducing emily armstrong the newest singer to join lincoln park her dynamic range and style bring a fresh energy to the band's iconic sound fans worldwide are buzzing with excitement over this collaboration armstrong's powerful presence promises a new era for lincoln park's music experience the fusion... Read more

Category: Entertainment

Intro he goes at least that's the picture of the thing in reality it's more likely again but to circumvent the son of samblo which was designed to prevent criminals from profiting of the publicity of their crimes he doesn't really explain how is it that my podcast is circumventing the sound of sam law... Read more

Category: Film & Animation

Step inside the door check yourself for bugs when you hear the knock step out keep the line moving we ain't going to all day to get this done talking in line fact number scoffield michael 94941 you're religious man scoffield never really thought about it good cuz the ten commandments don't mean to box... Read more

Category: Film & Animation

Tr street deuces got the hoops n's got the bleachers woods got the we pile ceo got the rest i'm telling you the guards are the dirtiest gang in this whole place the only difference between us and them is the badge who's the pet lover little deni it but he's db cooper parachuted out of a plane 30 years... Read more

Category: Comedy

-justin, there's so much i have to talk to you about. you've been promoting this film now all over the world. -yes. -where were you just yesterday? -just yesterday, i was in, uh -- in italy. and we just got back last night. yeah. -and you also got engaged, by the way. -yes, thank you. -congratulations.... Read more

Category: Comedy

-welcome back. we are hanging out with justin theroux! -he stars in the new movie "beetlejuice beetlejuice," out this weekend. now, you're an amazing actor. and a lot of people might not know this, but you and i actually got our start together. -yeah. we did. i thought you were gonna bring this up.... Read more