Ray Romano, Kaley Cuoco | Full Episode

thank you thank you thank you thank you very much I don't need it I take it thank you veryone thanks thanks thank thanks thank you thank you very much please oh and back at you thanks so much I oh that's ah I know some people are sitting down going that was really loud and I apologize I don't know how it happens but um there's a lot of after the dancing it's almost the like you know you're making tea and it's a steam that at the end it kind of comes out you're all pots of water uh anyway thank you so much here you know I I have to say I have to acknowledge I come out and I talk about a lot of different things uh but I have to say thank you very much I'm proud of all of you um look at you look at look at look at you um you should you should be proud of yourselves yeah I mean seriously here you are you're here you didn't have to be here you you're you you got dressed uh and some of you got really dressed up and some and uh and and here you you've you've gotten here you could have stayed home and watched it on television but you made the effort you put on some nice clothes and look what you've accomplished look at all you in the sitting here it's great I say now there's no telling what you could do now that you now you know you can do anything and probably you already have some of you in the audience may be a who knows a Quantum physicist for all I know if if you're capable of this who knows what you're capable of I all I know is what this says about you to me is that you're go-getters all of you are go-getters it's uh yeah some of me looking like I say you're go-getters because you actually did something and accomplished something and I wouldn't be surprised you you probably also have hobbies because this is what's become uh has come to my attention recently there are people the the people that succeed are more likely to have hobbies that was a a study done not a big study it was a questionnaire sort of it was U I asked around at a party the the point is I like my information firsthand but I ask people and a lot of people have hobbies and I think to myself who has time for hobbies who's I mean when you're younger there is there's time when you're young you get home from school like 3:00 and there's there's baseball or there's you know you can play High hide and seek or or you can build a model or you can dress up and pretend you're a model um I would actually pretend I was a model airplane and um when you're older though there's no time for hobbies I don't know who has Hobbies when you're older I all you you get home from work you know and you by the time you feed your youngans or your little critters um there's just enough time to watch me on too and and have a night cap and moisturize there's really I don't know how you do it right I don't know how the presidents do it every president that I've seen as as I've been aware as an adult every president plays golf and I don't understand I don't have time to play golf and and I started thinking could it be is it possible am I busier than the president is that and no I veto that idea I think people have all kinds of hobbies that I've looked into now that I you know once I I decide on talking about something I research for hours and um I I find that there's golfing there's tennis uh people collect things I don't collect anything I I collect parking tickets evidently but I don't collect anything that like people love to collect things stamps for instance a lot of people have the stamps and uh I did for a while uh when I was younger colle collect stamps that were uh you know when you go into a bar and they stamp your hand I'd had many many of those um and uh some people collect coins and and so many hobbies to pick from the big thing now knitting everybody's gotten into the knitting there's knitting clubs across the country and uh in school they're teaching it because it helps with concentration that's what they say and even boys are now knitting um which is great they're knitting their own uh football jerseys which I think is um you're expected to have a hobby this is how much you're expected to have a hobby on job applications they ask for your hob hobbies and I'll tell you just learned from my experience Don't drink don't write down drinking wine that's not going to get you anywhere they actually want to know I think that I'm thinking they're interested in the Hobbies but I think they want to know your hobbies so they can know where to find you when you call in sick that's what I think they're doing and I'll tell you they know where they can find me when I call in sick they can find me dancing w I got to start stretching for I come out here every time I do that I really don't think I'm going to do it you do it though so far not you pull it off oh that would be so embarrassing if I actually didn't make it just fall down on the donkey just right there do you have a hobby Tony actually I was thinking about that while you was talking and um I collect records yes yeah I collect records um thank you does does that's your job oh man um hey I collect celebrities that's what I collect they all bundle around here bundle what huddle oh I like him a lot on the show today Ray Romano is here I love him as a matter of fact I don't just like him I love him oh everybody loves him Everybody Loves Raymond he collects Emmys is what he collects um he's in a new movie called eulogy which I saw and it is hysterical um and also on the show from eight simple rules Kaylee quo is here I I got to say and she played me on she was on uh two shows of mine and she played me as a a younger Ellen she was a younger Ellen um I'm going to get somebody to do that just for my life I'm GNA get somebody to come out here and do this from now on I'm not gonna do that anymore um I got to say and I say it all the time but I really mean it I love this job this job is a gift in itself but on top of that y'all send me some great gifts I got I got some stuff and I can't share everything with you you know we have the Ellen uh gift Museum which will keep you up to date because there's some good stuff in there but um look what I got recently this is fantastic uh it's a wooden doll that they made to look just like me which I believe it looks a little more like Angie Dickinson but um it's from Roger and Mary Gilmore from uh pomoy Ohio and uh oh let me just read the letter because it's uh it supposedly explains it but maybe you can help me I'm not sure about it um dear Ellen our little mom and pop cottage industries creates personalized dancing dolls in the style of traditional Appalachian limber jaacks known as clogger dolls the doll's quality handcrafted and painted to capture the essence of Ellen features fully articulated limbs for the highest dance ability sincerely Roger and Mary Gilmore do you all know what that means I'm not sure but it has danceability and so I wanted to um Tony can you give uh my doll some music [Applause] [Music] [Applause] hours of fun thank you Roger and M Mary Gilmore for this wonderful gift thank you so very very much um oh yeah this one's coming home with me oh look at that all right and you know what else I get is uh is all kinds of invitations uh emails letters people inviting me to birthdays or weddings or boat christenings or proms or anything I get invitations to go to be with people and last season I don't know if you saw this but last season I got a video from Eric AR from Erie Pennsylvania inviting me to go to his his he was going to surprise his wife for her birthday party I was just going to he was going to fly me in and and I was going to go to her birthday party and I couldn't go so we flew them out here and it was a lot of fun but this year I really decided I thought that really would have been fun so I want to travel because they keep me I'm I'm cooped up in here I like it but I'm in the studio all the time and I want to mix it up I want to hang with my peeps and so uh I want to um so I want to RSVP yes that's what I said let's call this RSVP yes and and I'm begging you now um they'll let me go I said can I go sometime in November and they're going to let me go wherever I end up going so log on to the website send me a letter if you want to invite me to something anything it is that you want me to go with you and tell me why I should show up to your event and uh let me tell you something if if I haven't been to a party with you you haven't partied I'm a party animal oh yeah I'll bring her yeah all right so uh you need to let me know soon cuz it's you know already getting close to November and I need to know what to pack if it's winry clothes or if I'm going to some beautiful island um and I can't visit everybody and I know that but so I'm just going to have to pick one person that I'm going to visit but uh I'm only one human being and I decided uh we we figured out a way that I could be with almost everybody any anywhere any situation and what we're calling this is leave room for Ellen and all you have to do is send us a video or a photograph of something you want me to be included in you know and you know how when you usually take a picture you try to center it but sometimes there's extra space over there don't Center it leave room for Ellen is what I'm saying and I'll sneak in there and make it look like I was there with you and I made an example so can be videotape it can be a picture anything and I'll put myself in it this is a videotape of Spencer Lewis maruka he's adorable he's our writer Karen Anderson's son he's four years old and uh so I join him in his he's singing his favorite song and so I push myself in this watch this I knew this what and you look so unhappy and I I feel like a fool and it's too late baby it's too late so we really did try to make it something inside has die and I can't hide it I can't f it oh [Music] you don't really you don't really see a lot of four-year-old boys singing Carol King but um he didn't really leave enough room for me but if you send me a videotape I'll try to find a way to get in there and you have the idea so uh I have faith you send me something and uh it'll be fun don't go away when we come back Ray Romano is going to sit right here for nine Seasons our first guest has been the star of Everybody Loves Raymond take a look at what happens when he finds out parents are moving 85 minutes away welcome back to the show Ray Romano [Music] oh that that makes me laugh so hard that clip that is we've got more response from that clip than anything in nine years really I just just throwing her against the fridge yeah now did she get hurt you had to rehearse that you know she every we rehearse it a lot and every time I said am I hurting you am I hurting you she said no no do it we did it nothing nothing two days later she went you hurt me yeah she she's a little she's going to a chiropractor now but for comedy you no you'll do anything and you probably your adrenaline's going well I can straddle that table when I'm excited I probably couldn't do that time when it was adrenaline yeah I probably couldn't shaddle that though no I bet you could you look good you look you look thin yeah a little thing yeah no um yeah I told him to dance when he came out you're not you don't dance I was very intimidated in the green room because I saw everybody dancing and I and I don't yeah that's my fear you're going to make me dance I probably am the worst uh male white dancer there is yeah yeah I have one move and it's I call it this is what I do people just think I'm looking for my keys cuz that's what I do I go like this that's it okay and Miss I don't no I can't I don't want to rip my Ellen underwear which I have on do you have the Ellen underwear on have Ellen underwear on I don't know that you're telling the truth I hope that's pull the right thing oh boy look at that he's wearing they're me aren't they I haven't taken them off since the last time I was here yeah what a coincidence that you're here on this day I kept saying please book me yeah no they're very comfortable no they are I like them they're my favorite underwear well anyway I'm not going to make you do anything you know that that's the you you dance if you want if you don't want to no no I'm bad I'm not a good dancer if I had a few you know if I threw a few back and the dancing nowadays is weird isn't it it's like hit it is a lot of bumping and stuff and well yeah certainly not that it's uh yeah but the thing is I find that you you dance the way you learn how to dance and you hold on to that your whole life it doesn't really ever change yeah and I learned bad I learn B yeah I feel sorry for these kids that are doing the pop and lock and break dancing and spinning on the floor CU when they're 70 that's all they're going to know how to do yeah and plus like at their wedding mom and dad you know and they got to spin around and yeah that ain't that's not this is our song Booty Call you know um so now and I know you're you know everybody asked you this the show is so it's written so well it's so good the family is so perfect everything you just y'all found such a great combination of and it's over chemistry yeah well we got 11 more we've we've filmed we're doing 16 and we filmed five and it went fast we got 11 more we're counting down and it's starting to creep in it's starting to hit me when the season started you know I came right from doing this not this film but I did another film over the summer right the next day I had to go do Raymond so there was no time to think about it that this is the last year this is the last first table read you know but now as we get like boom five shows are gone and we're starting to countd down it's starting to hit me a little bit yeah it's I don't know what's going to happen it's going to be happy sad I think it's going to be you know sad yeah it probably I won't dance yeah it'll be sad yeah but I mean yeah I I just don't I cuz you're you're it'll be sad but you'll also have this feeling that we did we accomplished this great little thing you know so you did you accomplished a great big thing and you're going out on a on a high note which is always the important thing to do yeah I mean we that's the main thing we want to you know people say you you can still go it's still funny but that's you want to leave while it's still funny while people still want it and cuz we in the writers room we can sense you know we've done 200 shows there's you know you do at some point you run out of dysfunction yeah you know I can't yeah I'm going to run out of think so appliances I can't throw her I can throw against the stove I can throw her against the thing yeah cuz you that really is that makes me laugh so hard that you're so hilarious on it and you never laugh you I was asking Brad how y'all don't laugh all the time because you just look it's it's clever writing and now and I know there's been a lot of talk a lot to do about how much money you're the highest paid actor on television why it is hurt me I'm not I'm it's not about I'm not asking about that but it's like has it changed you do you feel like because I think people assume that that changes you but it doesn't seem to have uh well I you know I think just the level changes you know like I'm still neurotic and insecure it's just like for no it's true like all right before the show I would always think my cab driver hates me now my limo driver hates me it's the same thing yeah you just go to a different place but I I still it doesn't yeah it doesn't fix that but things life gets bigger the houses get bigger you have more people yeah we got things I never you know my wife we built the house 3 years ago my wife just I she just did it and I I literally went to work from in the morning at one house and came back and she told me now remember it's a different address when you come home and I went to the other house and she's building you know there's a I have a turtle guy now no I'm not kidding she built a pond that has turtles in it big turtles and someone has to service those Turtles once a week they have to feed them and whatever I don't know you spray a turtle I don't know yeah I believe it's Turtle Wax you use Turtle Wax yeah got a wax I have I have Turtles also you I I don't have a turtle guy but something's killing my turtles I think it's the bobcat in my yard but I'm I've found two we found two dead we found two dead hollowed out just half a shell and completely two of my turtles have died how out in half a shell completely like yes just gone everything no we don't have that well do you have you got to get a turtle guy I guess I do but it's so weird to have a I call my wife please whatever you do not that you whatever but don't have an affair with that man no because I don't want to tell anybody that my wife left me for the turtle guy yeah we have to take a break that's hilar be right back with Ray Romano we're back with Ray Romano and this movie uh it's it's such a it's a hilarious movie it really is it's so hard to find one little clip that's kind of out of context yeah it's it's a little demented the movie it's a little twisted it's very dark but it's hysterical there there are moments that you're just just crying laughing it's now what's with and I have twins you have twins you have twins on the you have twins in real life you have twins on the show you have twins in the movie it's in my contract I got a uhhuh you know I'm I wanted to work with the does Playboy have twins the Playboy twins are there Playboy twins are there famous playy are the Hilton ask me that I have no idea no uh it just happened the script came and they were with twin it was a pair of twins and by the way when I got the script and I saw the dialogue I go there's no twins that can pull this off but I if you saw the movie they're where they come from those guys they live in Baltimore and had they worked they I don't think I think they barely done any anything great yeah they were very good yeah they almost it almost annoys me how funny they are cuz they by the way kids cuz kids will upstage you but I was watching that clip of you with the kid the only one who can upstage a kid no yes no you can't you can't top that little boy Spencer singing Carol King you're you're funny he's the cutest now and and now they really are good in the movie though and how are your my twins are good old are they they're 11 years old these guys were 13 and I have an identical 11-year-old twin boy those are identical too those boys uh if I knew their names I would tell you them well your wife is in the audience what are their names no no I know my twins name oh I see yeah no but by the way my wife's going to kill me if you introduce her but go ahead there she is yeah I'm sorry you introduce her your wife that's an no don't than man putting up with all this nonsense yeah thank you for cleaning the Ellen underwear I told her at the last minute you got to clean these come on tomorrow and she of course called the turtle guy up I don't know what they have underwear guy too yeah underwear guy yeah uh but we have twins we have a 14-year-old daughter and a six-year-old boy who's he's the he's the Troublemaker yeah he's the king of the house he's at that he's what he's doing now is I don't know what's happening but kids are like they're too hip they're too with it they're with it ahead of their time he actually said this to me wasn't trying to be nasty but he just said dad you want to go out and play ball or are you too tired he yeah he he did the quotes he hand qued me he six 6 years old they did the quotes and you can't let him get away with it I told him hey I guess somebody has to have a talk with Santa Claus yeah it's hilarious I we we have to go to break but when we come back we're going to have uh I know that you you play golf I do um I I used to play I haven't played in a while but I enjoy the game and I know you're sort of a gambler and we're gonna we're gonna do something we're going to play a little well we're going to do something and and there's going to be a big bet involved do I have to dance no okay no but there's another bet well I'll tell you what you have to do if you lose if I if I lose then we we we'll work it out I'm scared I'm a little scared well you should be we'll be right back don't go away back Romano okay so here's what we're going to do um and I and I don't know I think I'm going to lose but I'm not sure we're going to putt at for a hole in one and whoever gets the hole in one that makes the other the loser and if you get the hole in one and I lose on the show I have to wear um this t-shirt on your show on my show and if if uh if I win and you lose then you have to wear this t-shirt well they won't I'll tell you right now I won't be able to wear this on Raymond because they won't let me do that because we don't do any topicals up but I'll wear it the premiere for eulogy is Wednesday night I'll wear it on the red carpet okay yeah all right right all right let's get to it over here and um really now how often do you play would you say Anna how often do you let me play not often right no not often I I it goes in streaks you know once a month maybe I haven't played in a long time me first no you go first so it's the first one to make a hole in one yes that's right but you got little bumps all right yeah no wind can all right here we go okay please quiet now I get to see where I see where it breaks now I gave you the read can you move that out of the way please I you the I don't want it to hinder [Applause] me could be a bounce could be a comeback could be a comeback [Applause] you know what's weird this is the first I can sense they're rooting for you I know I think they're rooting for either of us that's it no it's not you know I hope this is as fascinating as it feels we can edit some of this right if I make it in you get to go I think it's impossible has anyone done this anybody try it really you got it in all right how many tries in the same TR yeah how many tries it just breaks in a weird way up there but if I get it in you get a chance to try it again because I've gone more times no don't you worry see I think it's impossible one more each one more each because this is frustrating probably more so for the audience this is I want to keep going cuz this is actually the only time my wife will allow me to golf right have not allow me but you know we have kids I'm coming off the bounce [Applause] [Music] yeah you got one got to a aim for like here maybe a sudden death [Applause] [Music] all right Everybody Loves Raymond as Mondays at 9: on CBS eulogy opens October 15th he'll be wearing that shirt for the premiere of eulogy Kaylee quo joins us after this don't go away I work with our next guest when she was just a little girl now she's all grown up and starring on The ABC sitcom eight simple rules take a look please welcome Kaye quo wow do you like these well I really wanted everyone to see them and could see that by the way you cross like that yeah yeah you didn't want to hide those I didn't there's fuzz on them I know is that to keep from having a little blister on them yeah they're protecting my my manicure actually that's Fant isn't that great look at those great look at that manicure I know can you I wish you could there's like a a little flower like a you know how they paint things on a tiny ship or it's like there's a whole little scene it's an art project on my toe how can they do something that tiny on a toe who's got that patience I don't know that's a hobby somebody does that thank you that's great well anyway it's good to see you you too we got way back alen we certainly do how old were you when you did that 10 years old I played Ellen when I was 10 years old on her on her show yeah crazy a dream or something or it was a dream sequence it was flashbacks and I had to put gum in your hair because you had put gum in Pages hair so you were having this horrible flashback cuz you felt so guilty after all these years so there I was I have to tell you I was so scared to put this gum in your hair and you were so nice to me you were like put it in my hair that doesn't sound nice no no but you were you were so nice I was so nervous I'm like oh my God it was like my first guest star and I was just freaking out so it was this dream sequence it was just bizarre mhm and you and you did put the gum in my hair put the gum in your hair yes yeah oh I know I I I had for a long time had to cut it out a bald spot in my head really no um thank God would been horrible there's a there's a picture of me let's see the split screen of of uh that's you playing me that's there's resemblance there is a resemblance that's you have cuter hair than I do there Gap in my teeth actually what you have like a what kind of outfit is that I don't it's like a workout I'm like oh in the picture I'm actually weight training I I'm sitting on like bar I'm like going like this you're weight training how old are you seven I don't know why I'm sitting on there it was in my dad's office oh I see yeah you just can't see it all right David Spade was here the other day uh your co-star and he was telling me that he talked you went to go into Olivia Newton John's concert with him yeah I saw the segment and he did not even tell you half the story I'm sure he didn't what was he really well he was first of all he's this huge fan of living in John I mean just die hard he wanted to go back stage after the concert I'm like David I you know I'm a little I don't want to go back we don't have wristbands you know he goes I get us back there so he goes up to the front this huge security guard and guy goes wristband and David Goes TV show and he goes come right in so I said David I'm not going in I I want to I was just nervous said maybe you should just go have some alone time with Alan meantime meantime there's all these little kids outside just dying to get a glimpse of Olivia n John they want signed autographs t-shirt David's in there for like hour cut to him coming out he's got t-shirts signed by living he's like did those people get in that no they were out there the whole time it was freezing cold I stood out there with them I didn't go in oh that's horrible I know well I'm sure he does some good things in his life but that's uh let's not make him look completely horrible on here no he's not well listen we have to go to a break and I want to ask you about because I know you just rescued a um dogs and kittens which I love that we'll be right back right after this back with Kay Coco from rules so um a rules is James Garner has joined the cast yes he has I have a story I have a story about James I was hoping I did something bad well it was an accident James has bad arthritis so he he got this this a few months ago got this belt that goes around his waist and it and it sends shock waves to like relax his muscles a little bit but there's like this meter from 1 to 10 10 being could kill you basically it's so high it could give you like electric shock so he has it on three which is the highest he says he can go so he wears it all the time it freaks me out cuz it's this huge thing and it's right there anyway I was outside and he comes out and I you know my loud annoying self I run up to him to give him a big hug and my purse waxs the meter uhhuh and it goes so Jim's going like this swear and I'm thinking he's kidding I'm like stop it you know shaking like crazy I'm not kidding so I'm like Jim stop no seriously stop shaking shaking he's going turn it off turn turn it off and I'm going turn what up I start balling crying I don't know what he's talking about he's like the meter Mir he took it off he threw it I almost killed James Garner oh almost gave him a heart attack literally I was crying he came to my room and he go he started crying he goes Kaye I'm so sorry I scared you and I'm like I I could even talk I was so scared so he's never worn it since I told him he can't wear it anymore yeah well at least should have something to stop it from when if if 10 could kill is it on there ridiculous why would it go to ridiculous what is this horrible thing just get a massage or something I've never heard of such a thing I know I know horrifying just get a massage well I mean apparently you wait till you get older you'll get arthritis it's not that easy that's that's what he said to me I'm telling I'm starting to get it in my hip I maybe you should get one no um just don't be around me when you use it no I don't want to wear something like that but I'm curious about it but anyway Hey listen um I know I want to talk you about this but we're out of time but the the where did you rescue your little kitten from Agora shelter gor Hill shelter rescue your animals I have three rescues yeah had dogs dogs and a psycho cat psycho crazy cat yes psycho cat so it's not as as sweet as you would hoped no she's completely crazy she's torn up my entire house well cats can do that and I don't know what to do with her cuz I rescued her what do I do now you you keep her you that's it's a responsibility you have her do you want her she you said you had really pretty scratching posts I think they're so ugly that's why there's house I know you know what I actually um I I have a a place and I'll put it on the website cuz there's good-look cat beds and cat toys some people don't want I don't want them in house there's there's some ugly cat things out there and people think that all cat people don't have taste and that's not true cuz there are some there are some good-looking cat things that I have and I'll I'll suggest it to people and they they love them they scratch and they they sleep in them and they love them all right all right eight eight simple rules there is Fridays at 8:00 on ABC one more thing right after this thanks for being I want to thank Ray Romano and Kaylee quok tomorrow Hillary Duff and Tay Diggs will be here oh and one more thing give it up for today's dancer of the day Britney Conor than w