Therapist Reacts | Love is Blind UK:Part 7 (Demi + Ollie + Cath + Freddie)

it's not that you there as my partner to help me regulate but essentially we are we are each other's safe place you don't rely on me to manage your emotions but you need to feel safe where does that go where is the mental load going hello lovers of love and light welcome back to my channel we are watching Love is Blind I want to give you an in-depth reaction and review all right let's watch my Nana was called Mar so I'm going to cry is that crazy what your grand called Bill do you know what my granddad was called Bill I'm a bit confused why is she crying why am I so distant from her I think in my notes I wrote down that I felt like she was acting but watching it again is it strange it's not strange it's um you know she has been adopted maybe she's just looking for family I don't know how her adopted family was I wonder what it is that makes her so soy so quick to cry you know I know some people can naturally be that way just to wear their heart on their sleeves but that usually would come from some somewhere at least that's what psychology says um but thinking asically what lessons are you here to learn in life she said she had a connection with olle but she still has um Freddy at the back off of her mind she seems to be attracted to OE more on a sexual Lev level maybe this she feels at the moment that this connection is stronger with OE because of that and maybe that because she's so used to connecting sexually and Freddy's at the back of of her mind talking about family and something a little bit more closer to home that makes her cry something about family makes her cry maybe that's that's what she wants that's where her pain is that's where she wants that softness that vulnerability um but yeah I guess we'll just have to wait and see I haven't got much to say about these people all of it seems like both connections that she has with the two of them but Ollie's got my head confused behind closed doors I'm very affectionate I'm very Hands-On like I won't really walk past you without grabbing your waist or like pulling you in for a cuddle putting you in for a kiss that's oh my God yes Ollie that's cute and all but that's not all that makes a relationship this is your second date yes that's fine get those things out of the way fine but where's the depth right you holding me in the kitchen is not going to keep my emotions safe or healthy you know it's not going to help me regulate my emotions not that you're there as my partner to help me regulate but essentially we are we are each other's safe place you don't rely on me to manage your emotions but you need to feel safe where does that go where's the mental load going or is that how you process your emotions through physical touch which is a thing you know um Gary Chapman wrote a book about the five life languages maybe he's a touchy feely guy it could be that what else is there is it just you know physical touch you know what else makes you you what else makes the relationship um healthy and strong for you what is the foundation this is not a boy like this is a man and I can't see him but he's sexy why did she say that this is a man because she's going to hold you while you're in the kitchen girl seriously oh dear we can go for sexy Lou I'm in a sticky predicament between Demi and Cat I feel like Catherine's presenting a very sexual seductress image but I'm Keen not to base it sold on that because I've realized that that doesn't always lead me to the right go what's also interesting is that you are not going any deeper with keath you're just talking about sexual things and fantasizing on the what you're going to wear in bed or whatever so do you really want to go deep um OE do you really want to go deep you do seem to be going deep with Demi but why is it that you're not allowing yourself to go deeper with with Kath that's that's the question here curious wondering hello I'm so happy it is you Demi is still playing it a little bit more cool but like straight away there was a vibe there was an energy there so they're both causing problems in my in my mind Demi is still playing a little bit more cool I wonder if that's saying well I'm a man and okay let me not be meristic sexist is there something about the chase do you want to chase do you like the chase you like that she's keeping it cool and keeping you on your toes whilst Kathy is more upfront with the sexual side of things do do you want Demi to be talking more sexually which is that what I wonder if that's what it is do you know what I mean is that where how is she keeping it cool what are you bringing OE these relationships for OE seem to be evolving out of very slow pace you know I'm picturing what people might be doing on tindel on or Plenty of Fish or whatever where they're just chatting and waiting for somebody else to say something or waiting for people to bring something of substance so it kind of feels like you're watching a a real life online dating you know which I guess it is online dating cuz I'm watching on my computer but yeah I wonder what you are bringing OE and if you are attracted to the coolness of Demi's coolness and that's making you want to chase more but what are you chasing to what degree to what depth do you want to go this is love is blind and you're going to be married at the end of this show like I'm feeling really like rubbish I'm being a bit Snappy how would you handle that like I'll do whatever I need to do to bring you out some people need space you don't strike me as someone that needs space you strike me as someone that needs cuddles and forehead kisses what you should be asking OE is that I would want to know what helps you but yeah he's using his intuition of what he knows a little bit of her now that you know she seems to be somebody who doesn't need space so I would cuddle you and that's fine too that works but then would have been even more effective if he'd said um what would you like you know how do you want you to be cared for but also at the same time one thing I didn't like hearing was to get you out of it you we have to be careful that we do not try to get people out of their own um processes of emotional difficulty because that could lead us into a very murky zone of where you end up becoming The Rescuer or the Savior and there's an imbalance in the relation that imbalance in the relationship you want an equal relationship that's always what I'm sort of striving for but yes we have different roles in terms of how we do things in the home and maybe one person might be have a different kind of a emotional role as well mental emotional role in the sense that maybe somebody might be good with processing quickly that person takes that lead there but at the same time the person who doesn't process that wow you don't want to end up relying on the other person what happens if the relationship dismantles are you going to be able to do life on your own and I'm thinking about people that I married you know people end up breaking up and then the woman or the man ends up not knowing what to do with life because they depending solely solely on um their partner for this one particular thing which is maybe a major life function and people struggle so I always I'm looking for that balance but yeah if the roles are defined well and we are working to improve ourselves um in the things that we lack so that we can actually function when our partners are not there much like how Steve and Sabrina were talking I'm I'm content in who I am and you are as well but we can hold a space for each other and and help you know there's nothing wrong with doing stuff for someone because that's what make the relationship stronger and and durable at least that's what I believe in my relationships some people do like the distance and they don't like to get involved in what um I've seen relationships where people are just emotionally when they're experiencing difficult emotional um times they go that separate ways and then Rec convene after a day or 10 minutes or you know that sort of stuff but I feel like um there needs to be a healthy balance of conflict resolution and healthy balance of um life functions and awareness each person needs to be aware of how they are and how they process and then they come together to to live life but without fully being dependent on each other before I would say like I need space but I'm I don't I need reassurance you can sometimes have space while someone is still really close does that make sense yeah like we don't have to talk but you can hold me 100% reassurance could also it could also be talking it could also be holding as she said um embracing but I wonder what it means for her though in the past she would have not needed that she would have needed space that maybe speaks to some avoidance there and now maybe she's looking to connect more that's why she wants closeness to a touch in a healthy hopefully in a healthy way not in a preoccupied way has she moved from avoidant attachment to secure where she knows I do want to be held I do want to get get close I do want to be reassured but the thing about secure attachment though is that doesn't mean that these people are perfect and they're all good they never need reassurance you do there's an awareness that you may need you know you can ask for your needs but that person is not there to always meet your needs you can ask for help in some ways you know you can come out yourself and reassure yourself when you when you've managed to come out of that sort of difficult time it sounds like she's moved from being avoidant and keeping keeping space can a secure person um need space when they are having a difficult time yeah absolutely they can but it's in the way they communicate it with the other person being secure for me is is about being able to be aware of your own needs in the moment even when you're struggling and be able to ask in a healthy way for those needs to be met by someone else if you can't meet them yourself in that moment but all the while being aware that you are asking someone else that's not you and therefore you cannot be fully dependent on them that makes sense so I don't want to be too open or vulnerable where my heart is so where's your heart at like here okay right now I'm not 100% sure oh that's U sad and disappointing that's not what she wanted to hear but I wonder if that speaks to the level of depth they've gone to depths they've gone to I don't think they've gone to where yeah I don't think OE has gone to that depth they haven't been vulnerable she could have said something like look I'm connecting with you I really like how we talk and I feel there's a connection brewing and I want to be vulnerable with you but I'm I'm a little bit scared to do that but then he was quick to say but where's your heart then that's not what you should be asking he should have be asking well that's fine my heart is here right she answered then my heart is here then he took a step back cuz he's not ready for that he hasn't connected with that yet you know he says well I'm not ready to give 100 % because you have not given 100% of your vulnerability in this space you know in this relationship or even the other one you're connecting from a superficial level OE you're making her chase you you're coming across really cool and you're connecting and bantering and you know she's asking questions and you're answering them in the right way and she thinking oh I'm being heard and this is the guy you're not you you both are not connecting and and it's sad it's it's hard to see a heartbreak like this this she's heart she's heartbroken it's a mini one but it's it's heart it's heartbreaking that's probably um validating the things that she tells herself that she's not worthy of Love worthy of love her avoidance you know it's validating that I'm right in avoiding I'm right in running away but we will see her um evolve a little bit in the way that she goes out and gets what she wants um but I wish that she would be more vulnerable I don't know how she ends up being vulnerable I have taken notes I don't remember now but yeah we're just we're going to have to see but she has to be more vulnerable in order to get what she wants she has to put herself out there um and she did try by saying I'm afraid that's good but then saying that to the person who's a person who's not ready to connect with that side of of himself and and fear that he has inside he's only going to ask questions that validate his validates his ego like where's your heart then he knows that your heart is here I mean it's very clear in the way they're talking he's not going to tap into the fear side of things he's not making it feel safe for him and that is vulnerability making it feel safe I am afraid to let my heart be seen here you know you'd hope that he would go like well I'm listening I'm here I want to hear your heart I want to know your heart that's why you're talking to each other uh through wall because you don't want to see each other you want to talk to the emotions and the mental anyway it's making me a little bit angry I'm being triggered I don't know if you guys are being triggered by this cuz it's it's sad it's sad because you'd want people to hold space for you and be to make you feel safe because um you know at least I do I do that for them and that's nice it's nice to have it's it's it's healthy you know I want I like health I like Health be healthy yeah I know what I want but I'm not 100% sure who that is and I'm being real with you when I say that and that's with you I feel like we got a combination of all of the things that I'm looking for but if I'm being honest I'm still kind of giving the other other girl a chance which is fine you know it's early days but I think it's because he's not choosing he's not he's not mentally and emotionally connecting with the part of himself that wants to connect with someone this is why he's so confused if you look at Steve and Sabrina they decided yes we didn't see other dates but I wish they would have because then hopefully we would have seen that decision process happen then you know one of them or Steve deciding I am going to go with this because it's holding all of the qualities that I I'm looking for in a marriage well actually jazz jazz and Bobby and Sam yeah that seems to be what I'm kind of that's example I'm trying to give I think Jaz is beginning to make decisions that go towards what she really wants more vulnerability and Sam is not giving her that OE has not made that decision yet Ollie has not decided who he wants to be here and what he's looking for he's saying I see all the qualities in you but I'm still talking to other girl does she also have those qualities are they even Oe I'm feeling an element of guilt in talking to cat though I'm talking to her and then talking to Demi though I'm talking to her because I don't want to be leading either one of them on and so it's about trying to manage that in the best way I can and I don't know that I can because I've never done this before but we're trying I think you're leading yourself on mate this kind of reminds me of the culture in online dating where there's always going to be more and I think that that's the mentality he's brought here of this sort of there's more people I can talk to in this case there's two that that we're being shown that he's connected to there's two women so he's just trying to get to Perfection with one of them but that comes will never come to start with perfection to get to a place where you're actually connecting with somebody on a real level you have to be vulnerable Al and you are leading them on you're leading yourself on you're leading everybody on it's a big mess do you have a connection with ol we we have a good day like we're cool but I know that you're very much involved and he's probably very much involved with you but I would just hate for him to be lying to me if there's a deep connection then just tell me yeah I will but anytime see this is I think this is exactly what I just explained that superficiality he's keeping everybody's keeping very shallow and not really expressing their feelings and going for what they want in their date there's that superficiality it's not de it's not deep it's not um uh vulnerable and that probably makes her think I would think well maybe he's having a deeper connection with someone else because our conversations are quite light but you both have to go there you have to say look we are talking about very light things here can we go a little bit deeper do you know what I mean to actually build a connection so and these girls are trying to keep their carts closer to the chest especially what's her name Demi um you know she yeah I feel I feel for them I feel sorry I find it very hard to put myself first cuz I'm people pleas and it sucks I'm not here to hurt my friends but I'm also not here to sacrifice my connection it's time for me to put myself first I wonder if she's working with the therapist or working on herself about you know working on that people pleasing and where that comes from and it can be hard when you want to come away from that and start work doing what you want to do and and thinking about yourself and it can feel selfish so I really do empathize with that um it can feel very foreign to you because why do PE people people please anyway because they were either brought up that way that you do everything for us for me as a mom or dad your mom or dad or whoever was your caretaker or the environment that we we live in I mean even our educational system we we have to be good people to others right the way we're brought up in society we have to be have good morals which means that you have to you know give give give give you know receiving is kind of seen as selfish and being shunned upon or you're needy you have to make lots of money so you can give to the poor or um but you can't receive if you're working sort of a normal job you have to be self-reliant right so that's the society we live in so they there's that but then there's also maybe where she where she comes from and how she's been brought up um to be a people pleaser and therefore she doesn't feel she's worthy of um any great gains of Love or anything that's sad uh yeah I wonder what what it is for her you know where that people pleasing um comes from I think Demi has a strong connection with Ollie I really do do I see them on the outside well go no I don't want to get in my mouth gets me in trouble I know that people are probably going to think oh my God she's so egotistic she's full of herself and it could be you know when she says that I don't see them outside together is she talking about her weight is she talking about her looks is she picturing how OE might be looking because he said olie's a man right a real man's man have they talked about their looks in the pot we don't know maybe they cut it out um is she just judging her you know for for how she looks and how she is and how she comes across that's not cool Catherine but that also speaks to her though that speaks to her you know we could be mad about it but that speaks to her own in internal growth you know what she needs to to work on in order to connect more deeply how much of Olli does she know now in relation to Demi you know does she know Demi very well to know that they are not going to work in in what capacity on what level on what capacity does she think that not going to work out in the real world does she know these people's hearts does she know who they are they literally just met Four 3 days ago do you know what I mean like where does that come from I mean is that somebody who just met them and just talking about them through the TV at least I am watching a TV show and reacting and reviewing what I'm being presented and using some of my life skills and training you know but I'm not judging and it sounds like I okay I'm digging myself into a hole but all I'm saying is that do does she know them enough to to say that where is where inside of her is that judgment or that um Viewpoint where is that coming from or is it just coming from a competitive nature like I want to win could it also be um microaggression who knows I guess we're going to leave it there I hope you've enjoyed this review I am doing them quite slow so bear with me as we just go along and TR along leave a comment down below if you think I'm way off I do not know these people I'm just looking at a TV show that's being edited and speaking my mind I do enjoy doing this because I love love and I love relationships I love helping people work on healthy relationships also guys I am trying to grow my Channel please please please consider subscribing and helping me grow cuz I want to keep doing some more videos like this I'll be very very forever grateful if you did subscribe thank you like and share as well and I will see you in my next review love and light to you bye