Jim Cornette Reviews Mariah May vs. Timeless Toni Storm (AEW Women's Title) at All In 2024

well speaking of penile colonies it was time for the women's title match Tony storm wrestled Maria may Tony storm wrestled Luther or Tony storm wrestled Tony storm had Luther with her and apparently the woman that Maria May slapped at ringside was her own mother do we have a a causal effect on that they was how dare she she slapped her own mother has that ever happened in wrestling history before I don't think so that big Kora and Debbie Colmes Feud that never happened well she was never Kora it was always it was Lady Satan that's right actually te I I was just joking about them being family and wrestling I didn't even think they actually were working together you're right yes no oh they worked together 100 million times but never as as but cor was never Kora but yeah Maria's got a problem with mom um Tony storm gave Maria a pile driver on the steel stairs and the match continued on but at least Maria did get juice so it after we've seen 30s something competitors in or no I'm sorry 40s something competitors in the first four matches then the second match on the pay-per-view is a girls match and they've got blood already so it it's it's promising from here but minutes after Maria and yes I'm not critiquing this match seriously because how can you but minutes after Maria was pile driven on the steel stairs she was doing missile drop kicks off the top rope and finally for the Finish they did a dramatic scene I think taken from a Tennessee Williams play where Tony was conflicted as to whether or not that she should hit Maria with the bloody high heel shoe and finally she decided she couldn't bring herself to do it and threw it down so Maria beat her with two knee lifts and a pile driver one two three and I wrote this [ __ ] is so fake what' you think you know there have to be matches to kind of skip and I didn't skip this thing entirely but I didn't pay too close attention to it I've appreciated Tony Storm's stuff in the ring in the past but I just hate this gimmick so much and it's just so over the top for me Mariah May new Champion she's been impressive you of all the women they've brought in like she's gotten the best push from the jump from the what from the jump from the start and now she's I thought you said the push from the junk I'm like you what wait a minute what kind of push and pull thing have we got going on here what arm of the service was your uncle in uh no what I'm saying is uh what what army was he with Mariah May has a who sad was he on Mariah May has a lot of talent you just got to hope this Feud is over Mina shirakawa watching from the crowd looked very concerned and uh on to the next match well you know it was at this point Brian where I thought my God it's it's actually Eastern Time in the in the middle of the day when this is going on but golly darn G whiz I need to take a nap did you feel the same way about taking a nap in the middle of this process it was kind of during this match where cuz I was watching that pre-show so it was during this match where it really hit me yes yes and and folks I'll tell you what when you need to take a nap now we're not even talking about a good night's sleep here fol we're just talking about a restful nap a power nap some people take it or if your kids take it it's a kid nap whatever just a short nap a cat nap why don't they call it a dog nap dogs sleep all the time you need a helix mattress now I'm suggesting right now that the business owners in the sound of my voice they should probably check into getting all of their employees at least a small individual Helix mattress for their workspaces they in the office can you imagine that Brian you got a cubicle you got a chair a smaller desk to make room for the Helix mattress a chair a smaller desk a little file cabinet and then a helix mattress right there on the floor you can literally fall out of the chair and take a power nap on your 15-minute coffee break you know famously and there are photos of it John Lennon worked from bed he would sit there and just have papers and newspapers and you know lyrics all around him his guitar and he would work from bed not just the famous bed in a imagine if you had a heix Sleep mattress and anyone you're talking about here you don't need even a desk you could just work on your mattress well there you go you could save a lot of room there because just get rid of the desks employers and get your employees a helix Sleep mattress because they got one for everybody all you got to do is go to helixsleep.com and you take the little quiz that they've got and that will tell you or tell them what you like the positioning and the manner in which you sleep and whether you're a a giant obese morbidly corpulent son of a gun or whether you're a little skinny Skin and Bones little lady they got all the different kinds of pressure mattresses some of them well they'll just fold up around you like a mother's Embrace and potentially you'll call the jaws of life to get out but on the positive side they can be be delivered right to your door as soon as you go to helixsleep.com sjce and fill out the aforementioned quiz boom they bring it to your door you unbox it and you're sleeping like a baby waking up every hour pissing to bed and crying Brian you know this you got that's right crying Brian well you got all your children way no you you quit crying when you quit pissing the bed that was last summer wasn't it hey you said you weren't going to say anything what the [ __ ] well I'm sorry I forgot but you have a a helix mattress for yourself and your beloved better half and also for all of the the little last children and you even got one for Swami we have one in the guest bedroom too whenever we have visitors they're going to sleep on the most comfortable mattress we can give them and that's Helix sleep well now you know you're going to be having people beating on your door trying to get in just they don't want to see you they just want to sleep on a helix mattress you can do it in your own Home Folks right now go to helixsleep.com sjce and I'll tell you what we're going to do 25% that's more than we used to talk about 25% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners right now helixsleep.com jce how can you beat that we got him an extra 5% from what we we us used to be able to offer that's a great deal and it's a great mattress and we both have them in our houses and uh we certainly endorse Helix sleep but I've got one of mine out in the backyard actually in the backyard well yeah in case you want to look up at the at the leaves on the trees and the branches and the shade you just put it out under the old ash tree and just lay there what about stargazing do you like the stargaze well see at night you know you can see the stars but you can't really see the stars in the the daytime but then the daytime is when you can have the nice sun and the refreshing weather on you and at the night time is where the raccoons start dropping the deum walnuts on your head yeah and the squirrels too they'll [ __ ] on you well enjoy those nuts with Helix sleep what's that promo code one more time Jim jce and I'll tell you they will send you a mattress free of squirrel [ __ ] you have to apply your own by putting it out under the old ash tree that's right that's the Helix sleep guarantee Helix sleep but I guess we have to wake up and go back you should you should finish the tagline Helix sleep no squirrel [ __ ] SL jce it's GNA catch on