Browse Transcripts

Category: Comedy

-welcome back. congrats on the new album. what a year you've been having, by the way. -it has been wild. -can i just go through a couple of things first? your last album, "bell bottom country," won best country album at the grammys. congratulations. that's a big deal. -not too bad. -you just recently... Read more

Category: Comedy

-performing "4x4xu" from her new album "whirlwind," once again, lainey wilson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ i'm the kind to take the keys ♪ ♪ don't sit in a shotgun seat ♪ ♪ 'less i want to ♪ ♪ and you make me want to ♪ ♪ hypnotized by the white lines ♪ ♪ your hands ten and two on this heart of... Read more

Category: News & Politics

Lainey wilson’s journey from performing in walmart aisles and writing songs at 9 to stardom Read more

Category: Comedy

-welcome back to "the tonight show." it is time for the "name that song challenge." -♪ name that song ♪ ♪ name that song challenge ♪ -my teammate tonight stars in the hit show "only murders in the building." season 4 is streaming now on hulu, with new episodes on tuesdays. give it up for martin short!... Read more

Category: Comedy

-welcome back to the show, selena, marty, steve. thank you so much for coming here. -james kamala fallon, we love you. -thomas. james thomas. thanks. -okay, first of all, we're here because we love you. -thank you. -and we're also here because colbert has gotten a little pickier. -okay, right. -but... Read more

Category: Comedy

-finally, guys, it's monday. it's time for "wepost." here we go. -whoa! -♪ wepost ♪ ♪♪ ♪ wepost ♪ -welcome to "wepost." this is where we, as a group, decide something we should post on socials. i'm gonna show you five different posts, and we're all gonna vote on whether you like each one or not. and... Read more

Category: Comedy

-guys, just a quick mention that this friday is the golf matchup everyone is talking about. it will be settled once and for all. that's right, i'm talking about the cardigan classic i challenged... [ applause ] i challenged dj khaled to a golf match. he looks like a fun guy to play with and he's really... Read more

Category: Comedy

-i'm sorry if i -- if i seem a little distracted. i'm still thinking about this nightmare i had last night. or should i say my tonightmare? [ thunder crashes, woman screams ] i was alone, lost in the middle of a corn maze. it was getting dark, and i couldn't find my way out. ♪♪ i started to panic. i... Read more

Category: Comedy

-performing "flea" from her new album, "all born screaming," give it up for st. vincent! [ cheers and applause ] -♪ i'm just like a hungry little flea ♪ ♪♪ ♪ jumping on somebody's warm body ♪ ♪ when you start to itch and scratch and scream ♪ ♪ once i'm in, you can't get rid of me ♪ ♪ once i'm in, you... Read more

Category: Comedy

[ cheers and applause ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ don't blink, don't wait, don't walk, you're late ♪ ♪ don't fall from grace, behave, don't trip, sashay ♪ ♪ okay, sashay ♪ ♪ don't kid, don't blame, don't snap, insane ♪ ♪ don't crack, don't act your age, don't change your name ♪ ♪ it's all the rage ♪ ♪ do ask, but don't... Read more

Category: Film & Animation

Joe flood the most prolific professional hitman in europe mo hits than m time these really bad headaches are you okay i've got some bad news it's terminal i need a contractor executed who do you want retired me i've thought about doing this for years you killed my father clock starts at midnight you're... Read more

Category: People & Blogs

The jogan experience there's no accountability and that's a real problem in this country and that used to be something that the left feared the left used to fear corporate interference and big business and big government they used to fear that they they used to fear all that stuff and now they're all... Read more

Category: Comedy

-you look fantastic. thanks so much for being here. -thanks. i'm so happy to be here. -i haven't see you in a while. and i said, "how was your summer?" and you told me you had a brat summer. -well, duh. -what do you mean "well, duh"? -didn't everyone have a brat summer? -yeah, i mean... [ cheers and... Read more

Category: Comedy

-enjoy yourself. enjoy yourself. welcome, everybody. welcome to "the tonight show"! you're here. you made it. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for watching. well, guys, tomorrow, in philadelphia is the big presidential debate between vice president harris and former president trump. which, of course,... Read more

Category: Comedy

Thank you for watching thank you for thir time i appreciate you braving the the intense heat to join us here in hollywood and while i have your attention i just want to take a minute to give thanks to whoever it was who invented air conditioning i mean man oh man we should be thanking god for that person... Read more

Category: Comedy

[ knock on door ] -hey, demi. -hey, jimmy. -i'm so happy you're here. thanks so much for being on the show. you look fantastic! -well, yes. i mean, you see how i dress to appear on "the tonight show"? very demi moore, very mindful. i mean, i don't come to "the tonight show" with a green-cut crease.... Read more

Category: Comedy

-welcome back to "the tonight show." we're about to play a game called box of lies, but i'm gonna need some help. she's a very talented actor you can see in the new movie "the substance," which is in theaters nationwide on september 20th. please welcome demi moore! [ cheers and applause ] welcome, welcome,... Read more

Category: Comedy

-thank you so much and welcome back to the show. thanks for coming on our show. look at you here on the cover of "variety." [ cheers and applause ] they're calling this the year of the -- the demissance. -wow. doesn't that sound like a party that we should go to? -yeah, we should go to the demissance.... Read more

Category: Film & Animation

[music] if you say his name three times he will appear beetle juice beetle juice beetle juice the juice is loose b deep and spill your gods see i'm willing to do the work beetle juice beetle juice september 6th rated pg-13 b b like looking in a mirror you're my decoy while i make my getaway nobody gets... Read more

Category: Film & Animation

The ghost with the most has returned beetlejuice beetlejuice is coming to theater soon where's beetle juice where's beetle juice so we put together a special look at our new movie to help you prepare for your trip to the afterlife but be warned it's not for the faint of heart or anyone with a beating... Read more