Bad Dad | David Walliams | Full Kids Audiobook

[Music] Harper audio presents bad dad by David Williams read by David Williams Peter sanovich Sarah Alexander Joselyn G essan and nit in ganatra with music by Mark Morris [Music] introduction dads come in all sorts of shapes and sizes there are fat ones and thin ones tall ones and short ones there are young ones and old ones clever ones and stupid ones there are silly ones and serious ones loud ones and quiet ones of course there are good Dads and bad dads this is the story of a dad and his son Frank is the son dad is the dad his name is Gilbert Rita is Frank's Mom Auntie flip is Dad's aunt she babysits Frank sometimes Mr big is a surprisingly small Crime Boss whatever time of day it is he wears silk pajamas and a dressing gwn with velvet slippers monogrammed Mr B Mr Big has two henchmen fingers and thumbs fingers is so called for his long thin fingers perfect for picking Pockets thumbs has enormous thumbs that he uses to inflict terrible pain on Mr Big's enemies will and bear a thumbs is fearsome nephews Chang is Mr Big Sinister Butler Reverend Judith is a Vicor Sergeant scoff is the local policeman Mr swivel is a oneeyed prison guard judge pillar is well known for having a Heart of Stone and Raj is a news agent [Music] chapter 1 Roar raar went dad's car as It sped around the dirt track Frank's father was a banger racer it was a dangerous sport cars would smash into each other bang wall crunch as they zoomed round and round dad raced an old Mini that he had souped up himself he had painted a Union Jack on the car and named her Queenie after a lady he admired Her Majesty the Queen the car became as famous in racing circles as Dad queeny's engine made an unmistakable sound like a lion dad was King of the track he was the greatest Banger Racer the town had ever seen people came from all over the country to watch him race no won more times than him week after week month after month year after year dad would lift the trophies above his head as the crowds cheered and shouted his name Gilbert the great Gilbert the great Gilbert the great life was golden because Dad was a local hero everyone wanted to know him whenever he took his son out for pie and mash the owner of the shop would give them double helpings and then wouldn't let them pay a penny if Frank was walking down the street with his father people in cars would beat their horns beep beep and smile and wave the boy always felt a burst of Pride when ever that happened Frank even got marked up on a test by his math teacher after the man got a photo taken with his father at parents evening no one was a bigger fan of dad than his own son the boy worshiped his father he was a hero to him Frank longed to be just like his dad one day A Champion race car driver his dream was to one day drive Queenie as you might expect Father and Son looked alike both were short and round with sticky out ears the boy looked like someone had put his dad into a shrinking machine of all the children at his school Frank knew he was never going to be the tallest or the handsomest or the strongest or the cleverest or the funniest but he had seen the magic and wonder his father could create with his skill and courage on the racetrack more than anything he wanted to taste that as for Dad he forbade his son from watching him race a KN would start with 20 cars speeding around the track and by the end there would be just one car still standing drivers often got badly injured in the pileups and sometimes Spectators did too if the cars crashed into the stands it's dangerous mate said Dad Gilbert always called his son mate they were Father and Son but best friends too but Dad the boy would plead as his father tucked him up in bed no buts mate I don't want you to see me get hurt but you're the best you'll never get hurt I said no butts now come on be a good boy give us a Huggle and go sleep a Huggle was what the pair called their special embrace it was halfway between a hug and a cuddle hence the name Dad would always plant a kiss on his son's forehead before he went out to race for the night as for Frank he would close his eyes and pretend to be asleep however as soon as he heard the door close he would creep out of bed and crawl down the hallway to the front door so as not to alert his mom the woman would always shut herself in her bedroom and speak in hush tones on the telephone whenever her husband was out of the house still dressed in his pajamas the boy would run all the way to the racetrack just outside the stadium was a huge Tower of rusty old cars that had been smashed up in previous races Frank would climb to the top of the pile there he had the best view of the race the boy would sit cross-legged on the roof of the highest car and watch all the bangers speed by every time his father's mini Queenie zoomed past roaring as she went the boy would cheer go dad go dad had no idea his son was up there the man barred his son from watching him race because he feared the worst might happen happen one night it [Music] [Music] did chapter two out of control the night of the accident there seemed to be something badly wrong with dad's car from the start instead of the min's distinctive Roar today the engine was making a loud grinding noise as if it was about to explode as soon as Dad threw Queenie into gear on the start line the car lurched forward in stops and starts like a bucking bull that fateful night Frank was sitting on top of the pile of cars just outside the stadium as he always did it was in the depths of winter and wind and rain swirled around him despite being so to the skin the boy never wanted to miss a race something was wrong that night very wrong as soon as the flag waved to start the race dad struggled to control his own car tonight there was no Roar from the Mini's engine rather that grinding noise a deathly hush descended on the crowd Frank felt sick to his stomach suddenly there was a huge explosion from Queen's exhaust pipe bang dad shouted the boy from All That distance the man couldn't hear his son especially over the Thunder of all the other cars engines Frank desperately wanted to help to do something anything but he was powerless to stop what was about to happen the mini sped up dramatically and then wouldn't slow down it was out of control Zoom the art of racing motor vehicles is knowing when to go fast and when to slow down immediately dad was taking the corners far too quickly this wasn't what a champion Banger racer did Frank's heart was thumping in his chest queeny's breakes must have gone but how dad would always check and recheck his car before every race suddenly Queenie swerve sharply to avoid a head on collision with a Ford Capri but the mini was going far too fast and as it turned it rolled over and over and over boom boom boom dad's car was now upside down in the middle of the track the Jaguar behind smashed into the mini sending the car flying through the air it crashed to the ground again bam smashing into pieces no dad no shouted Frank from the top of the tower of cars down on the track there was a mighty pileup as the cars couldn't stop in time smash bang crash there was the sound of metal crunching into metal and glass smashing caboom one of the cars exploded into a fireball no shouted Frank the boy raced down the Tower of cars and ran through the crowds to his dad's car an air amb amulance hovered overhead before landing on the track Frank held his father's hand through the wreckage as the fireman tried to cut him out of the car what are you doing here mate whispered dad you should be at home in bed I'm sorry Dad replied Frank I'm going to need the biggest Huggle when I am out of this everything's going to be all right Dad I promise but it was a promise the boy couldn't [Music] keep chapter three crushed in the crash Frank held his father's hand as the ambulance raised to the hospital the man's right leg had been completely crushed in the crash and he was losing a lot of blood Mr Goody began the doctor as soon as dad had been rushed into the accident and emergency department in the hospital I have some very bad news we have to amputate your leg which one replied dad not losing his sense of humor at this dark time the right one of course if we don't operate straight away there is a very real chance you will die I don't want you to die dad said Frank that's all right mate I'm good at hopping as dad was immediately taken down to the operating theater Frank tried and tried to call his mother but the line was engaged for hours the operation took all night Frank paced up and down the waiting area unable to sleep when his father came too from the aesthetic in the morning his son was the first person he saw when he opened his eyes mate you're the best whispered Dad it was clear he was in a lot of pain I'm so pleased you made it Dad replied Frank of course I didn't want to miss seeing you grow up where's your mother I don't know Dad I called and called her last night but I couldn't get through she'll come it was a couple of hours until she did oh gilber she said upon seeing him and burst into [Laughter] tears the family reunion was brief though as she didn't stay that long Gilbert was in hospital for months but his wife's visits to his bedside became less and less frequent and shorter and shorter however the nurses set up a little Camp bed for Frank and the boy slept by his father's side every single night one day the doctors came in with a wooden leg for Gilbert it fitted him perfectly within days he learned to walk again and insisted on walking all the way back to their block of flats from the hospital I can still do everything said Dad proud ly he walked with a limp and Frank held his hand the whole way but they got home eventually when they arrived back at the flat mom wasn't there she had left a note on the kitchen table it read to Frank and Gilbert I am sorry [Music] chapter 4 hardfaced men what does it mean dad asked Frank why is she sorry because she has left she's not coming back no why your mom has gone to live in a big house with a small man but I'm sorry Frank I tried my best for her but my best wasn't good enough I am sorry Dad I need a Huggle me too Father and Son held on to each other tight and they cried and cried until they could cry no more to his credit dad never said anything bad about his wife or by this time his ex-wife but Frank felt deeply hurt that his mother had left without even saying goodbye even though she now lived in a huge house mom never invited her son to stay not once when she forgot her son's birthday for the second year in a row Frank was in no hurry to see his mother again weeks and months passed without any contact and then it became Unthinkable to call her so so he never did Frank never stopped thinking about her however it was confusing because as much as she'd hurt him Frank still loved her dad lost so much after the crash not just his leg but his wife too soon he was about to lose something else dear to him his job Gilbert loved being a banger racing driver it was all he dream seemed of from when he was a boy despite his please the track owners banned him from racing ever again they blamed him for the accident and never wanted to see him back on the track what's more they told him it wasn't safe for him to race cars with only one leg so Dad tried and tried to get a different job any job but jobs in the town were scarce and a man with a wooden leg always found himself at the bottom of the pile dad was used to being a hero but now he felt like a zero two cold Christmases came and went as time passed Frank became increasingly worried about his father sometimes he would find the man sitting alone in an armchair staring into space often Dad wouldn't leave the flat they lived in for days no one beeped their horns anymore when they walked down the street and now they couldn't could afford to go to the Pine Mash shop let alone be given double helpings on Frank's 11th birthday dad bought his son a huge race car set the boy loved it it was the best toy ever dad even painted one of the miniature minis with a Union Jack so it looked just like Queenie together they would play with it late into the night reenacting dad's famous victories on the track however as much as he loved it Frank worried where his father who'd been unemployed now for a couple of years had got the money from to buy it Frank knew that very few children had toys like these race car sets cost hundreds of pounds and dad didn't have hundreds of pounds soon after Frank's birthday groups of hardfaced men started banging on the door of the flat thud thud thud they would wave pieces of paper and bark about unpaid debts then they would push past Frank and force their way in once inside the men would pick up anything they thought might be worth something and March out with it first it was the TV then it was the sofa then it was the boys bunk beds one time Frank wouldn't answer the door and they simply smashed it off its hinges that day they took the toy race car track after these visits dad would become full of Sorrow a look of Despair would cross his face and he would sit in silence Frank would do his best to cheer up his sad Dad don't be down dad the boy would say I will get all our stuff back one day I promise when I'm grown up I will become a racing driver just like you come done and give us a haggle the pair would Embrace and everything would feel all right again they may have been poor but Frank never felt poor in his heart the boy didn't mind that his jumpers had so many holes in them they were more hole than jumper he never cared that he had to carry his books to school in a plastic bag that always broke soon it became normal that they had just one working light bulb in the flat and they had to move it from room to room at night that is because the boy had the best dad in the world or so he [Music] thought chapter five top secret one night over a dinner of cold baked beans in their cold flat dad made an announcement everything is about to change a concerned look cross Frank's face despite having nothing the boy liked things just the way they were dad rested his hand on his son's shoulder it's nothing to worry about mate everything is about to change for the better but how our life is about to change I've got a job brilliant Dad I'm so happy for you I'm happy too replied the man though somehow he didn't look it what's the job driving Banger racing asked Frank excitedly no said dad he gathered his thoughts but I will be driving fast very fast wow the boy's eyes lit up like headlights on a motorc car yeah wow and I will be earning money lots of money we can get the TV back the TV is boring I like listening to all your racing stories all right then mate we can get the sofa back the boy thought for a moment it wasn't comfortable eating dinner sitting on a wooden crate I don't mind the splinters in my bottom really asked Dad with a chuckle as the man laughed he rocked back and forth on the crate ouch I've got another one all right all right I know what you really want back what your race car set the boy fell silent he did miss that toy very much I guess Dad I'm really s sorry they took that away mate don't worry dad Frank could tell something was up with his father he just couldn't tell what what was this mysterious job so what will you be driving dad race cars no this is driving just as fast but on real roads ambulances no fire engines no the boy's eyes widened not for the police dad managed to nod and shake his head at the same time that sort of thing yeah the boy's brain breaked dad what do you mean that sort of thing well it's top secret tell me demanded the boy it wouldn't be top secret if I told you well it will be very nearly top secret I can't mate sorry but I'm going to get paid big money really big money and we are going to have stuff lots and lots of stuff new trainers toys computer games whatever you want Frank watched with concern as his dad's eyes widened it all sounded too good to be true but I don't need lots of stuff dad all I need is you this burst dad's balloon yeah yeah don't you worry I'll be here I ain't going anywhere you promise yeah yeah I promise mate and you aren't going to get hurt asked the boy the last thing he wanted was for his dad to lose his left leg promise said dad he held up three fingers on his right hand Scouts onor ha ha you never were a scout it don't matter now finish up those baked beans I need you to go to bed like all children in the world Frank knew exactly what time his bedtime was and it wasn't now but it's not my bedtime yet he protested by the time you're ready for bed it will be that logic although sound was deeply annoying not fair why do I have to go to bed now Auntie flip will be here any minute to look after you oh no replied Frank don't be like that she's the only family we've got and best of all she is always up for babysitting I'm not a baby I know that mate and why is it called babysitting you mustn't sit on a baby [Laughter] dad laughed I don't know where are you going anyway I just have to pop out for a meeting at the Boozer can I come Dad no please pleaded the boy no this is grownup stuff kids aren't allowed down to Boozer anyhow but I want to come sorry mate you can't now come on give us a Huggle tonight the Huggle was tighter than usual dad always held his son a little tighter when he was feeling worried about something Frank wasn't stupid the boy knew something was up he just didn't know what [Music] yet chapter six the smell of old books Auntie flip wasn't Frank's aunt she was dad's Aunt flip was short for philipper and she prided herself on being from the Posh side of the family even though there wasn't one the lady had the smell of old books about her that was probably because she was a librarian Auntie flip wore glasses with glass thicker than in a shark's tank her idea of an evening entertainment was to bring a stack of our own unpublished poetry books over and read them out loud to the boy aunti flip had written many volumes of poetry ODS to a puddle words on the Wind rhymes about hand cream leaves leaves and more leaves crochet 101 poems about Thimbles lavender an appreciation in verse the joys of kich songs of Hill walking mince verses on vases comfortable shoes and other poems about sensible Footwear splish splash splash bath time in Ryme The Poetry of church bells 1,000 poems on wild flowers and weeds poems for the older lady more poems for the older lady yet more poems for the older lady that's enough poems for the older lady now sorry one last volumes of poems for the older lady Frank hated poetry flip would read him her poems about clouds and gbur and rainy days and bird song and talcum powder for Frank listening to them was torture that night the boy was annoyed that he was left alone with the woman while his dad went out for his real really exciting top secret couldn't even tell his own son meeting doing what he was told Frank put his pajamas on and then popped his head around the door of the living room good night Auntie flip he said quickly before turning to go not yet it isn't chirped the lady sorry as a very special treat young man I'm going to let you stay up late cool exclaimed the boy yes you can stay up late so I can read you some of my poetry this was definitely not cool I know how much you like it she said I'm really tired lied Frank pretending to yawn and he stretched out his arms for good measure you won't be in a minute young man because I have a surprise for you do you like surprises it depends what is it if I told you it wouldn't be a surprise replied Auntie flip the boy thought for a moment is it a poetry based surprise yes how did you know it was just a wild guess sighed Frank the lady clicked open her handbag and took out her leatherbound notebook she held it in her hands as if it was a holy Relic carefully she turned the first page the first one this evening is a poem I wrote about you Frank somehow the thought of a poem about himself made Frank squirm it was a similar feeling of unease as the time when Frank ate some sausages in the school canteen that hadn't been cooked properly and he had to run to the toilet as he could feel his bottom was about to explode Auntie flip started making strange sounds with her mouth it was like the noise of a braying horse nay nay next she began making humming noises in an ear achingly high pitched tone it was like someone running their fingers around the rim of a glass we Frank put his fingers in his ears is this the poem he shouted over the den flip looked at the boy as if he was bonkus no no I'm just warming up the voice right I'm ready this one is entitled simply Frank and it is by me my lovely little Frank I want to say thank you for being you the super duper son of my only nephew you are a boy who spreads Joy like a butterfly who dances on the breeze or a hummingbird singing in the trees or a dolphin leaping through the sea or a bee buzzing with another bee you bring happiness to my heart like a freshly baked apple tart with lashings of piping hot custard much nicer than adding some mustard I know it is strange to mention mustard but it is the only thing that rhymes with custard please oh Frank don't ever get old stay forever young and bold so my poem draws to a close one last thing don't pick your nose the lady's eyes were glistening with tears at the sheer beauty of her own poem well she asked through sniffs her eyes searched Frank's face for approval well what asked the boy well what did you think of your special poem I thought the poem was very yes Frank was old enough to know sometimes you have to tell a little lie to save other people's feelings poetic it was a very poetic poem the lady was overjoyed oh thank you so so much that is High Praise any poet wants their poems to be poetic oh so one down 99 to go I need to go to bed are you sure absolutely I need to go to bed right now how about I read you a love of move I would love to hear it but or some lines on my foot cheese I really couldn't you're going to adore over to a puddle plop plop plop the rain goes plop no I mean no the lady looked hurt what do you mean no I mean thank you but no I just feel so emotional after listening to that beautiful one he wrote about me auntie flip nodded her head of course of course I forget the raw power of my verse I bid you good night the lady lady opened her arms to give the boy a hug reluctantly the boy paced towards her she always squeezed him too tight said Frank as he could feel the air being squashed out of him sorry said aunti flip I'm not good with hugs the lady had never been married or to Frank's knowledge ever had a romance he guessed she hadn't had many hugs in her life good night said the boy I'm off to sleep now that was another lie a big [Music] lie chapter 7 Death by poetry escaping from the flat was something Frank had done many times before years ago Frank would sneak past his mom every Saturday night to watch his father race back then it was easy Frank would prop up his pillows on his bed under the duvet that way if Mom bothered to get off the phone and poke her head around the door she would think her son was lying there fast asleep now there were no pillows du they or indeed bed since the hard-faced men had come the boy had slept on an old Lilo that always deflated during the night like a long slow Trump Frank had to come up with a new plan and fast if he was forced to listen to one more of Auntie Phillip's poems there was a very real danger that he would spontaneously combust the boy made a life-size dummy of himself by stuffing scrunched up newspapers into some old pajamas next he placed the dummy on top of his Lilo finally Frank had to pick his moment to make his Escape out through the front door from his bedroom he could hear that surprise surprise Auntie flip was composing a new poem in the living room she was reciting it out loud as she wrote Oh tall proud tree I see much of you in me although I don't have leaves or branches for that matter and I'm not made out of wood but other than that I could be a tree and oh yes I don't have bark oh dear no let me stop that again oh tall proud tree the living room was at the end of the hall so there was every chance Auntie flip would see Frank if he tried to make a dash for the front door after a short while the boy could hear the lady Shuffle down the corridor this was his chance Frank opened his bedroom door a tiny bit and put his eyeball up to the crack Auntie flip was closing the toilet door behind oh no the debt collectors have taken the loose seat too Frank heard her exclaim oh I'll have to hover there was no way of Frank knowing if it was a number one or a number two how could he know such a thing was A Private Matter between Auntie flip and Auntie Flip's bottom a number two could take a long time for some people hours even days whereas a number one could be over in seconds so Frank scuttled across the floorboards as quickly as he could the hard-faced men had taken the carpet too towards the front door there he planned to wait for the noise of the flush to cover his escape the longest recorded number two took four whole days to deliver it was by 50 Stone Opera tener Antonio lazano it was the length of a football pitch and the width of one too disaster the toilet door opened again I don't believe it no l roll muttered Auntie flip to herself Frank was crouched in the hallway but scuttled back to his bedroom just in time with her Bloomers still round her ankles Auntie flip scampered sideways like a crab back to the living room no which poem can I sacrifice she asked herself there were masterpieces let me see oh yes ODed to a poached egg can go the boy then heard a page being torn out of a book flip then scuttled back to the toilet and closed the door Frank crawled back to the front door and waited for the sound of the toilet flush flip pulled the chain but nothing happened again nothing oh goodness me the chain snapped she exclaimed the boy then heard effort noises coming from behind the toilet door oh I just have to hook my Bloomers over the L success Frank opened the front door and shut it behind him as quietly as he could the lift was always broken in the block of flats which was a when you lived on the 99th floor fortunately Frank had devised a cool way of getting down the seemingly endless staircase he'd found an old laundry basket and with felt tip pens had painted it with the colors of Queenie red white and blue all he had to do was sit at the top of the staircase and then let gravity take its course [Music] chapter 8 flying Vicor in no time at all Frank was speeding down the staircase and pretending he was a real life racing driver Funk Funk Funk the washing basket juted as it hit each step Frank had to hold on tight or he might be thrown out what just as in a banger race there were plenty of things to bash into it was hard to steer a basket but Frank did his best to lean left and right narrowly missing a broken down washing machine an upturn shopping trolley a flock of pigeons a TV that had been kicked in a delivery driver carrying a stack of pizzas a crate of empty bottles and a tiny old lady who was being dragged up the stairs by three little dogs one person was not so lucky that was the local Vicor Reverend Judith unfortunately for her Frank took a Bend far too fast and Bash slap bang into the lady push she cried as she shot up into the air look a flying Vicor the lady did a somersault her first and landed on her bottom Splat fortunately for Frank Reverend Jud Judith was such a nice lady that she was the one who apologized so sorry for being in your way called out the Vicor I'm so sorry Reverend Judith shouted back the boy as he continued speeding down the staircase I hope to see you at church on Sunday added the lady hopefully rubbing her bruised behind the vicer was always at the tower block inviting the residents to her empty church even though they never came Frank felt s sorry for the lady though not sorry enough to get out of bed on a Sunday morning and go who the washing basket rattled down the last few steps and skidded across the concrete whiz eventually it came to a stop the boy hid the basket behind some bins and then dashed off in the direction of the local pub the Executioner and axe as he peered in through the grimy window Frank saw the pub was heaving this was the grown-up world in all its Glory men were arguing women were fighting and everyone was drinking the pub was so noisy it hardly seemed the most sensible place for a top secret meeting try as he might the boy couldn't spot his father anywhere just as he was about to give up and head home Frank heard muffled voices coming from the car park the boy turned around to see some men sitting talking in a white Rolls-Royce the Rolls-Royce stuck out not just from its Bay because of its size but also because it was the kind of expensive car you never ever saw on an estate like this the boy couldn't make out the men too clearly as the car was full of cigar smoke Frank edged his way round the other parked cars to get a little closer he could just see the outline of his dad sitting in the driving seat but who were the other men and what was he doing in this hugely expensive car to try to hear what was being said Frank climbed up on the roof of the plumbers van parked next to the Rolls-Royce but all he could hear was the occasional word it sounded like the men were talking quietly so as not to be overheard the boy had come so far he wasn't going to give up now so as delicately as he could Frank stepped from the top of the van onto the roof of the Rolls-Royce he lay down on the top of the car so he could hear what was being said this would turn out to be a dangerous [Music] mistake chapter nine one job what if we get caught it was Frank's father speaking get caught doing what thought Frank as he lay on the roof of the Rolls-Royce listening in if you drive fast enough no one will get caught replied A man I've done all the research I have plans of the inside you'll be in and out in 2 minutes I ain't sure about this it's much bigger than you told me just let me pay you back the money I borrowed from you please said Dad I've heard that one a million times before from you I will find a job there are no jobs in this town especially for someone who has to hop to get around there was a low Rumble of mocking laughter from the two men in the back [Laughter] seats you love your boy don't you said the man Frank gulped he was talking about him yeah yeah of course I do I love him more than anything in the world what's he got to do with all this I would hate for anything to happen to him you leave my boy out of this then do what I say if you ever do anything to hurt my boy I'll you what snarled the man in the front passenger seat take off your false leg and kick me with it the two men in the back laughed [Laughter] again all right all right said Dad I'll do what you say but just this once one job and then I'm done that wasn't too hard now was it purred the man in the front seat so Gilbert I want you to show me that you can still drive like in the old days I can still drive all right leg or no leg then show me are you ready yes hold on tight replied dad the huge Rolls-Royce engine revved up then the back wheels spun furiously and clouds of smoke filled the air Frank couldn't help but splutter at the smell of burning robber the boy struggled to his feet so he could jump back on the van parked beside the car but Dad was much too quick for him the Rolls-Royce raced off into the night with Frank standing on the roof [Music] chapter 10 no time to breathe Frank slammed his body down on the roof of the car and clung on for dear life the Rolls-Royce had spun out of the pub car par and in no time was speeding down the road at 100 m an hour the boy's eyes were watering Ing and his hair was sticking up on end this was the most dangerous Fairground ride of all time of course dad had no clue that his son was clinging onto the roof of the Rolls-Royce if he had the man would never have driven straight through a red light wh swerve sharply to overtake a bus scree crash through a fence bash before speeding through the park the Rolls-Royce bobbed up and down on the grass boom boom boom the boy was bounced into the air his body thumping up and down on the roof th thud thud o o just as he dared to open his eyes again Frank saw that they were heading straight for another fence on the far side of the park caboom planks of wood exploded into the air a large chunk Whizz past the top of Frank's head everything was happening so fast that there was no time to breathe the car was heading straight towards an Alleyway which was much narrower than the car itself if Dad didn't put on the brakes right now it looked like the Rolls-Royce would smash slap Bang into a brick wall stop shouted the man in the passenger seat screamed the pair in the back instead the car's engine revved and sped up no came shouts from inside Frank couldn't take it anymore the boy had to close his [Music] eyes chapter 11 two wheels are better than four on one side of the alleyway was a pile of planks of wood the Rolls-Royce turned sharply and the wheels on the left side mounted the planks and it vaed onto two wheels Frank opened his eyes again as he found himself sliding down the side of the roof his fingers desperately clawed to get a grip still on two wheels the car just made it through the narrow Alleyway you're squashing me came a shout from inside the car bursting out of the other side of the alley dad turned the steering wheel sharply and the car bounced back down to four wheels just as Frank breathed a sigh of relief a siren blared blue Shadows flashed on the buildings around them the boy looked over his shoulder a police car was chasing after them dad put his foot down on the accelerator and the Rolls-Royce whizzed off the wrong way down a main road Frank couldn't believe his eyes the car was weaving in and out of the traffic coming straight at them Lor's and car swerved as Dad managed to twist and turn just in time it was thrilling and terrifying all at once up ahead a wall of flashing blue light was traveling rapidly towards them for a moment Frank struggled to work out what it was he squinted it was the police a line of police cars was traveling towards them at speed they were driving in formation block looking out the whole Road there was no way around them there was no way under them there was no way through them they were trapped dad was a champion race driver but surely even he could not win this time Frank breathed a sigh of relief this horrifying ordeal was over he was going to see his 12th birthday after all however instead of slowing down dad sped up between the Rolls-Royce and the wall of police cars was a huge Lorry the Lor's trailer was one that transported cars though right now it was empty the Lor driver must have panicked at seeing this car speeding straight towards him as the vehicle spun round dramatically in the middle of the road and came to a halt dad seized his chance and sped towards the back of the Lorry the ramp for loading cars was down the Rolls-Royce powered on straight at it it hit the ramp and raced up it when it it reached the top the rollsroyce took off and flew through the air the boy could feel his heart beating in his chest it was beating so hard it felt as if it was going to burst out of him time slowed down and sped up all at once Frank was flying he wanted it to end right now he never wanted it to end the Rolls-Royce soared over the line of police cars just clipping the roof of one with a back tire on the way down before it crash landed on the road behind the walls of cars with a huge bump Frank thought he was going to be hurled into the air as the car bounced down the road like a football the boy just managed to grip onto the roof of the Rolls-Royce in no time the car wred itself and sped off down the road Frank looked over his shoulder to see the chaos his father had caused the policemen was struggling to turn their cars round but as they had stopped in tight formation they had blocked themselves in the cars bashed into each other as they attempted to give Chase despite nearly dying aund times the boy couldn't help but smile his hero of a dad had done it again [Music] chapter 12 H with Frank still clinging to the roof the rollsroyce raced back into the pub car park dad must have been in a triumphant mood after his daring jump over the police cars as he spun the car around backwards into its original parking space missing the neighboring Vehicles by a centimeter the Rolls-Royce came to such an Abrupt halt that Frank couldn't hold on any longer the force of the stop meant that the boy was instantly catapulted from the roof of the car he soared through the air as if he'd been shot out of a cannon and he landed in a bush fortunately the bush cushioned his fall and no bones were broken although Frank was Dazed he instantly picked himself up and hurried off to find somewhere safe to hide he didn't want his father to discover he was out late at night in his pajamas spying on him if so the boy would be in big trouble what was that shouted the man in the passenger seat what was what replied one of the men in the back there must have been someone on the roof of my motor after them shouted the first man the two men in the back stumbled out of the car one was tall and wiry the other was big and bulky Frank watched from his hiding place behind a bin in the pub car park the pair must have been feeling the worse for wear since their stunt drive as they both looked wobbly their faces had turned green and they were bent over taking shallow breaths I sit after them what are you waiting for fingers I can't Governor I think I'm going to Hur replied the tall thin one you thums the bulky one had tears in his eyes I wet myself Governor he murmured I can't run in wet on pants Why Not Me mom says I'll get a rash you pair of useless twits he shouted gilber after him dad climbed out of the car since losing his leg the man walked with a limp his wooden leg always dragged behind him I am sorry Mr Big it's late I have the babysitter at home I got to go the little man's eyes narrowed and his words shot out like bullets Bam Bam Bam you are not listening there was someone on a roof of my roller now the three of you find him now Mr Big might not have been big but when he snarled it was like coming face to face with a crocodile immediately fingers thumbs and dad all did what they were told thumbs waddled awkwardly as you might well do if you've wet your pants the wiry fingers jabbed dad in the back pushing him forward to face whatever danger was lurking in the shadows hiding behind the bin Frank had nowhere to run he leaned back into the darkness praying he would not be seen the three men pce nearer to him fingers search the bushes skimming the branches with his long thin digits meanwhile thumbs was huffing and puffing getting down on his knees to look under all the cars not near Governor called out thumbs no here Governor added fingers dad was now so near Frank that the boy could hear his father breathing the man peered behind the bin squatting there was his own son looking guilty and scared and shaken by the ride is anyone there shouted Mr Big no no one replied dad staring his son straight in the eye no one at all dad shook his head slightly the boy took this as a signal to stay as still and quiet as he possibly could if he moved a muscle they would both be in deep trouble it must have been a bird Mr Big said Dad Ruddy Big Bird muttered the little man now we have to get out of here before the f starts sniffing around fingers get the rolls resprayed and change the number plates in case they trace it yes Governor thums you can drive now thank you boss replied the bulky one I want to get home in one piece now Pile in all of you Dad paced back to the car with his head down no doubt nervous about giving something away what's going on with you hissed Mr Big The Crime Boss was a sharp as a knife nothing got past him nothing I can trust you can't I yes sir absolutely good I would hate any harm to come to that boy of yours now get in from his hiding place Frank heard the door to the Rolls-Royce shut the car sped off into the night a feeling of deep unease descended upon the boy his father was mixed up with some very bad people [Music] chapter 13 slap slap slap Frank ran all the way back to his flat he crouched down at the front door and looked through the letter box it was dark but he could hear Auntie flip snoring loudly so the boy quickly opened the front door and darted along the corridor to his bedroom in a hurry Frank leapt onto his Lilo and burst it bang catastrophy the noise woke up Auntie flip and she came charging through the door oh is everything all right she bowled I heard a bang Frank pretended to be [Music] asleep this did not deter Auntie f the lady shouted again this time right in his ear Frankie still the boy kept his eyes closed now the woman began patting him on the cheeks a bit too hard for Frank to keep pretending to be asleep now the Pats became slaps just then Dad entered through the front door and called out sorry I'm so late areny flip oh that's all right the boy heard her say Frank's been sleeping like a baby baby all night has he indeed dad had a hint of surprise in his voice oh yes he's been no trouble at all thank you I will need you to babysit on Saturday please it would be a pleasure Gilbert I'll see you then thank you Auntie flip good night Frank heard the door cloth but kept pretending to be asleep Dad was not fooled he's singing his son moments ago hiding behind a bin now they had some serious talking to [Music] do chapter 14 promise what on Earth did you think you were doing demanded dad as he kneeled on his son's bedroom floor what on Earth do you think you were doing replied Frank dad did not look pleased that his question had been met by a question and he stood his ground I asked first said the man the boy gulped he always gulped when he was about to tell a lie I couldn't sleep so I just popped out to get some fresh air dad shook his head M nice try sry mate Frank had been busted he had to confess all right Dad I did follow you but only because I was worried about you worried about me I was worried about you hanging onto the roof of a speeding car are you nuts it wasn't moving when I climbed onto it reasoned the boy that just made dad angrier you could have got killed this took a moment to sink in Frank side and replied I know Dad it was stupid of me but by the sound of it you're about to do something stupid too the man paused he couldn't be sure how much his son had heard it's not what you think it is I think it's something bad it's just driving it can't just be driving they're bad people please Dad don't do it now the man had tears in his eyes I am trying okay mate I'm trying I'm trying to do the best for you the boy shook his head dad whatever it is I don't want you to do it but it's just one job that's all one job then I'll pay off me debts and still have a bit of money left over for us but Dad please mate I know what I'm doing you saw how I drove tonight I had my eyes closed through a lot of it well I can still drive just like the old days I know but whatever it is they want you to do please don't I don't want you to go to prison or or get killed the accident was bad enough I'm scared dad really scared Frank wrapped his arms around his father's neck and pressed his head into his chest he couldn't help but SOB the sobbing went from son to father in no time tears ran down the man's face he was in a terrible situation Mr Big and his gang had threatened the person he loved more than anyone else in the whole world his son if Dad didn't do what they said goodness knows what they would do to Frank come on mate don't cry said dad as he gently Str Ed his son's hair like he had since Frank was a baby you've always been my hero Dad please please I beg you don't do it the boy lifted his chin and looked into his father's eyes the man couldn't bear seeing his son like this well if that is how you feel then I won't do it really asked Frank really replied dad a smile crept across the boy's face promise promise replied Dad I'll find another way to pay off the money you can always sell my Lilo dad offered the boy I don't mind sleeping on the floor somehow this made dad even sadder than before you are such a sweet boy replied the man his eyes glistening with tears ears now give us a Huggle and go to sleep they wrapped their arms around each other okay Dad I will said the boy good lad with that Dad got up and turned to go his son called after him Dad yep whatever happens you'll always be my hero the man said nothing and closed the bedroom door behind [Music] him chapter 15 Psalms and pingpong went the doorbell it was early the next morning and Frank stumbled down the hallway still half asleep looking through the frosted glass in the door the boy could make out a white flash of dog color and a larger white flash of teeth it was Reverend Judith a word you could use to describe her was toothy the trick with the local Vicor was not to let her into your home if you did let the lady in nice though she was you would never be able to get rid of her most days the vicer could be found knocking on the doors of the flats armed with posters she wanted you to put up in your window for jumble sale or cake mornings or Sunday school sometimes she would rattle a tin to collect coins for a new church roof which was in dire need of replacing every day the VCA would stuff a new leaflet through the letter box she would dream up more and more bizarre ways to encourage people to come to church rock and roll with our Lord get on down to the latest Rock sounds as you worship 11:00 a.m. to noon on Tuesdays in the church wall Comm Union wine tasting Wednesdays at 700 p.m. Psalms and pingpong night come and play pingpong and read your favorite Psalms at the same time all welcome booah rap night it's open mic night on Mondays at 7:00 p.m. when any budding rappers can take the mic and rap about anything they like as long as somehow it involves our Lord and savior booya Christmas fancy dress roller disco get your skates and Nativity costume on and celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus Jus as you race around the church Hall on Wills book for Christmas Eve Christmas day or Boxing Day graffiti is cool come and graffiti the church wall on Saturday evenings as long as it's white only as the building needs a liquor paint Crazy Golf and hymn competition putt as you sing Tuesday Mornings the winner receives a free hym book Street Dance Competition Thursday night whatever your age come and show our Lord and father of all mankind what your crew can do freestyling gunu via oh on Saturday afternoon I will be locked in medieval style stocks in the town square and you are invited to come and throw gunge at me as long as you swear on your granny's life to come to church on Sunday drum and bass and cheese afternoon dance to your favorite drum and bass Tunes while you eat cheese and learn about the path to righteousness Tuesdays 300 p.m. lovely to see you again young Frank said Reverend Judith with a big toothy grin as Frank opened the front door to her I'm sorry I bumped into you replied the boy it is I who should be apologizing I bumped into you sorry sorry sorry sorry may I come in asked the Vicor her face settled into an expression of a dog begging for a bone in asked the boy yes in as in in here yes as in in there as in in the flat yes now yes if it's convenient dad called out from his bedroom who rang the bell the vicer called back Frank oh no replied dad whatever you do don't let that blasted woman in reverent Judith's face dropped she now looked like a dog that had been abandoned on the side of a road Frank attempted a supportive smile dad she's standing at the door well whatever you do don't open it it's already open there was an awkward silence for a moment has she heard everything I just said Frank looked at Reverend Judith for confirmation the lady nodded yes replied the [Music] boy chapter 16 old bag and no tea dad hopped down the hallway in his vest and pants attaching his wooden leg as he went Reverend Judith he announced cheerfully what a lovely surprise how super to see you what are you standing at the door for come in come in oh thank you thank you I do like to pop around and see as many of my parishioners as possible said Reverend Judith as she followed the pair into the kitchen CET T Vier asked oh yes please that is very kind milk and Two Sugars make our guest the cup of tea will you m yes Dad replied Frank making a cup of tea wasn't an easy task in this household the kettle had been taken away by the hard-faced men and the family were too poor to afford tea bags or milk so Viger what can we do for you this fine morning asked dad well as I'm sure you know it's Father's Day on Sunday and I was planning something rather special at the church one used tea bag was kept on the side of the sink to be used again and again and again now it was looking rather pale as the tea bag was all bag and no tea and I wondered if you and your son might like to come up to the front of the church and perform something for for the congregation Frank was listening to this as he placed the sorry looking tea bag into a chipped and handleless mug and filled it with hot water from the tap what do you mean uh perform asked Dad a note of panic in his voice he hadn't been to church since he was a child and the thought filled him with Dread oh it could be anything really doing a Bible reading playing the church organ singing a duet performing a modern dance piece reciting a poem Frank glanced back at his dad who had now gone as pale as the tea Frank was making well I'm not much of a poet replied dad my auntie flip is the poet in the family Splendid exclaimed the vicer you can read one of hers what somehow dad had agreed to do something he'd not agreed to Meanwhile Frank had added some dried up yogurt that had been splattered on the wall many years ago into the cup for the milk as for the sugar the boy had been forced to improvise with a half chewed toffee that had been stuck to the kitchen floor for some time he plopped it in hoping the lukewarm water would dissolve it it didn't with some trepidation Frank handed the cup of tea if indeed it could be called that to the Vicor Reverend Judith peered down into the horror the boy had created it looked like bathwater left behind by an ogre she took a sip her nostrils flared her eyes watered and her face went a shocking shade of green somehow she managed to swallow a mouthful of the foul liquid Frank smiled to himself he was rather enjoying this more tea vicer oh bother is that the time announced Reverend Judith pretending to check her watch even though she wasn't wearing one I must be going so I'm sorry I won't be able to finish my delicious te I look forward to seeing you both bright and early at the church on Sunday morning with your poem yeah Dad nodded his head and tried to force a smile that just wouldn't come as the front door closed dad looked down at the worst cup of tea that it ever been made in the history of the world ever well D mate that cup of tea got rid of us what about Sunday morning asked Frank what about it you said you were going to church to read a poem no I didn't well you never said you weren't going to church to read a poem well no but no buts you can't let the Vicor down why not because because because she's a nice lady if she's so nice why did you try to poison the old girl with that tea joked dad Frank was annoyed with his father and didn't want to laugh but he couldn't help himself on seeing his son burst into laughter dad shouted gotcha I thought those skiddy pants of yours will be enough to frighten her away said Frank the man did not look pleased that his underpants which he'd washed only last month had been described as skidy he sat up to inspect them whose pants are you calling oh dear look Dad let's go to church on Sunday just this once it's Father's Day after all you aren't doing anything are you Sunday morning no no no no plans then I better call Auntie flip so she can get to work on a special poem for Father's Day yes I can't wait replied dad in a tone that suggested he'd be more than happy to wait for all [Music] eternity chapter 17 Splash there was no telephone in the flat the line had been cut off years ago because the bill hadn't been paid dad was too poor to own a mobile cell phone so if they needed to make a call they had to go to a telephone box the only problem was that they didn't have any coins in the house fortunately Frank knew where they could get some in the local park stood an old well people used it as a wishing well throwing coins down in the hope of a dream coming true Frank and his father had thrown coins down there many times before the boy had wished for lots of different things over the years when was little he would wish for toys for his birthday it was Cars mainly model cars windup cars pedal cars Lego cars remote controlled cars once he even wished for his own life-size car that was a wish too far however since the accident Frank only wished for things for his father these days Frank and his dad use the wishing well a little like a bank they'd put coins in over the years a deposit now they needed to take some out a withdrawal it was just a shame no one ever put Bank notes down still there would be enough money in there to make a phone call and if Frank was lucky he might even have a few coins left over to buy sweets as Father and Son entered the park they saw that the Rolls-Royce sized hole in the fence was being examined by a bemused looking Park keeper morning called out dad in his chirp as voice the pair hurried on to the middle of the park where the wishing well stood first they both took a good look around to check that the coast was clear it was early on Saturday morning and the town was still waking up so there weren't many people about next dad unscrewed his leg and leaned over upside down into the well hooking himself in place with his remaining foot Frank then clambered down his dad as if he was a climbing frame and dang L from the wooden leg that Dad gripped tight in his hand that way they could reach the bottom of the well are you low enough mate called down dad his words echoed in the Blackness yes Dad the boy rolled up his shirt sleeve and skimmed his hand across the bottom of the well when he was sure he had a large handful of coins he called okay Dad I got some hoist me up I am sorry we have to get money this way I don't mind Dad this is the last time mate what do you mean asked the boy but before the man could reply the pair heard a booming voice shouting down the well what on Earth are you doing down there the shock meant Dad lost his grip and he and the boy tumbled down into the cold water below splash [Music] chapter 18 D trouser came the voice from the top of the well at the bottom stood Franken and his father both kned deep in wellwater dad knew who it was without looking up he recognized that snigger anywhere it was the local policeman Sergeant scoff well well well who have we here the policeman knew exactly who he had here he'd been making Dad's life a misery for years scoff had it in for the man and was always accusing him of petty crimes on the estate just because he was unemployed oh hello Constable called up Dad it's Sergeant bellowed the policeman his rank was very important to him not being the smartest officer on the beat he'd waited 10 long years to progress from Constable to Sergeant and he wasn't going to let anyone take that away from him Sergeant Sergeant scuff got it yes Sergeant replied dad that's better Gilbert goodie I should have known it was you the one-legged layabout The uniped Idler the Stumpy skyver stealing coins from a wishing well now are we huh you couldn't make it up the policeman puffed out his chest and patted down his hair which he wore in an outrageous combover scoff wanted to look his absolute best for the golden moment when he got to arrest someone the man cleared his throat like an actor about to walk onto a stage I hereby arrest thee for thy crime of coined theft from the aforementioned well of wishes no said dad you can't arrest me that's not what I was doing at all there was that irritating laugh again dad looked to his son his mind was blank dad's leg fell off Frank called up thinking fast did it whispered Dad yes it fell off we were just jogging across the park and Dad's wooden leg just fell off the policeman was far from convinced so the U the leg just fell off and then uh as if by Magic flew through the air and happened to plunge down a well did it a likely story H the way Sergeant scoff put it the story did seem highly unlikely no of course not agreed the boy where are you going with this mate whispered dad a dog ran off with the leg continued Frank he must have thought it was a stick they're both made of wood and then the dog dropped it down here oh did it really called the policeman yes agreed dad and I hope you can find the owner and give them and that pesky dog a Stern ticking off now for goodness sake Sergeant scoff please can you help us out of here the policeman sighed wearily and reached his arm down the well Frank climbed onto his father's shoulders and Sergeant scoff pulled the boy up getting dad and his leg out was going to be a great deal harder but the boy had a smart idea Sergeant scoff sir said Frank yes child we could use your trousers as a rope my trousers thundered the policeman yes sir if you will be kind enough to whip them off I can lower them down but then everyone in the park would see me in me pants the policeman shouted this was Madness if they did they'd see you as a hero sir who rescued a one-legged man from drowning running in a well you might even get a promotion shouted up Dad filling his pockets with coins the policeman pondered for a moment he gazed into the distance a look of Pride on his face will you make me a promise asked Sergeant scoff yes replied the boy will you promise to tell absolutely everyone about this get a petition going around the town to award me a medal of bravery and give it to the chief superintendent you might get a whole chest full said the boy without hesitation the man began unbuttoning his trousers and slipped them off don't worry sir shouted the policeman in the hope that people in the park would hear him I Sergeant scoff will save thy life with the help of my own trousers together he and Frank lowered the trousers down the well to pull the man out there I am humble police Sergeant have saved a uniped from certain death announced the policeman thank you said Dad smiling sideways at his son for persuading this man who'd made his life a misery to help them sitting in their wet clothes on the side of the well Dad began reattaching his wooden leg Sergeant scoff studied the force liim closely like a master Detective hm I can't see any bite marks no replied Frank Thinking Fast the dog didn't have any teeth a dog with no teeth asked the man incredulous it should make it easier for you to track the animal down added dad you don't want any more incidents in this town of a dog making off with people's false legs could become a crime wave no replied the policeman we don't want any more incidents of K9 B's prosthetic limb theft he added a note of sarcasm in his voice if you don't mind we have a very important date with a sweet shop said Dad come along mate the man put his arm around his son's shoulders and led him off after a few steps the policeman called after them I will be watching you Gilbert goody without breaking his stride dad threw a reply over his shoulder that is nice to know Constable Sergeant bellowed the policeman standing in the middle of the park in his underpants Father and Son shared a secret Smile as they headed out of the gate Frank noticed that apart from his jingling Pockets dad also had something stuffed up his jumper what's that asked the boy the man lifted his jumper to show the boy Sergeant scoffs TR brouses Tad said Frank bursting into laughter Oh Know naughty very naughty now let's make that call to Auntie flip and get some [Music] sweets chapter 19 a warning what did flip say asked Dad he'd been waiting outside the telephone box in the center of town as his son made the call what do you think replied Frank rolling his eyes yes yes write a poem for church it was her dream come true and look said the boy unfolding his hand we've still got some money left over for sweets you go on ahead I'll meet you in there said the man the Sweet Shop was just a few steps up the High Street dad seemed Restless as if he needed to be somewhere else is everything all right Dad yes mate I'm fine fine I'll see you at the sweet shop with that the man turned on his heel and limped off down the road where are you going dad the boy called after him nowhere you can't be going nowhere you must be going some somewhere before Frank could finish what he was going to say his father had disappeared around a corner the boy shook his head this was very odd even so he traed over to the shop still dripping water from the well the Bell on the door dinged as Frank entered Raj's shop the town's favorite news agents Raj himself was a huge Jolly jelly of a man who probably ate more of his sweets than he ever sold ah my favorite but slightly soggy customer welcome said Raj to Frank's surprise the man was down on his knees picking up sweets from the floor and placing them back on the shelves Frank looked around the shop it was often messy but it was much messier than normal in fact it looked as if a bomber did it magazines were scattered across the floor pens and pencils had been snapped in half and the freezer had been upturned melted ice cream had swirled out of it forming a multicolored milky puddle what on Earth happened to your shop rage asked the boy oh nothing replied the man quickly nothing at all don't worry your little head about it young sir Raj frantically continued trying to put everything back in more or less its rightful place in the hustle and bustle a large jar of Bon bonss was knocked off a shelf and fell onto his head B the plastic jar broke showering him in a sugary white dust poor Raj slumped down onto the floor in despair Frank sat down next to him he put his arm around the news agent please tell me Raj what happened here it's these two men one is big and fat the other is tall and thin they come into all the local shops and businesses demanding money if you don't give it to them they Smash the Place up I gave them £100 but they said they wanted more next time much more they said they did this as a warning next time it would be me They smash up I think I know who they are fingers and thumbs yes that that is them why don't you call the police about it Raj shook his head sorrowfully the men said they would hurt my family if i r on them I just don't know what to do let me help you tidy up first together the pair did their best to restore some order to the man's shop Frank glanced at the front pages of some newspapers that had been swept onto the floor the headlines read Rolls-Royce in high-speed car chase mystery of demon driver cop cars in pileup late night Road Race drama stop that roll I wonder if they were involved in this said Raj the boy Shrugged who knows there must be some way to stop them it's a brave person who does they are bad through and through they have been terrorizing poor shopkeepers like me all over town for years I shudder to think what evil they're capable of finally the pair managed to write the freezer Frank looked on as raj scooped up the melted ice cream with a rolled up newspaper milkshake young sir 5p [Music] chapter 20 7 p no thanks Raj replied Frank no matter Raj down the milkshake himself a bit gritty he mused the boy looked at his huge Hall of coins from the well rash what can you buy with seven P suddenly the news agent's mood changed and he smiled broadly 7 P I have always dreamed of the day someone will walk through that door and spend a whole seven P I'm a rich man Raj then looked up to the heavens thank you ah there is a God take your time browse my shop is your kingdom even though Frank was a poper Raj always treated him like a prince thank you Raj H pondered the boy I think I'll start with three banana chews excellent choice sir the healthy option one of your five a day Raj looked out of the window ah there goes your father Mr Goody Frank looked up his father was hurrying down the High Street carrying a petrol can is he not coming in said Raj I don't know something's not right with him today said the boy as he watched him go a look of panic crossed the news agent face I know that fudge I gave you last week was a couple of years out of date but only three people have been admitted to hospital it's not that replied Frank he was walking funny I thought like the others his bottom might explode no he walks funny because he only has one leg his leg fell off because he ate my fudge Raj looked to the heavens again and put his hands together in prayer Lord please have mercy on my soul I'm not a bad man I just used best before dates as a very rough guide rounding them up to the the nearest decade Frank smiled as he shook his head he loved Raj like an uncle a mad Old Uncle no no no Raj my dad had a really bad car racing accident years ago remember oh yes yes of course I remember thank goodness replied Raj well not thank goodness I'm just relieved it wasn't my fudge that made him lose a why do parents always keep secrets from their kids asked Frank the news agent leaned on his counter lost in thought to help give the impression that he was a deep thinker he took one of the toy pipes on the shelf and popped it in his mouth the Sherlock Holmes image was shattered when rather than smoke soapy bubbles started to float out of the pipe I suppose moms and dads want to protect their children from staff grownup stuff that would fill young minds with worry I am grown up protested the boy standing on his tiptoes how old are you asked Raj nearly 12 so you are 11 yes Raj shook his head and blew a huge glistening bubble out of his pipe the pair smiled at each other but the moment was interrupted by a deafening Sound Outside on the street the boy knew that sound anywhere it was [Music] Queeny chapter 21 bath dad had named his supercharged mini Queenie because she was more like a person than a machine Queenie was an old lady having come off the production line more than 50 years ago Gilbert would have to coax the car to do what he wanted the man would talk to her he would say come on Queenie wake up when he was starting the engine or if she was low on oil he would say Queeny my love let me buy you a drink when he was about to give her a wash he would say time for your bed bath old go Dad loved the car like she was a member of his family indeed when dad came to in hospital after losing his leg he was more worried that the car was in bits than he was after the crash Queenie really was in bits lots of bits mangled bits dad might have got a few much needed pounds for her as scrap metal but he loved the old girl too much for that so what was left of Queenie rusted away in a garage on the industrial estate Frank loved Queenie nearly as much as his father did the car had a feel a smell and a sound all her own it was a sound the boy thought he would never hear again however as he stood inside Raj's shop still choosing how best to spend his 7even Pence outside on the road was that sound [Music] again Queenie said the boy looking around to catch sight of her Her Majesty is here in our little town asked Raj she must have heard all about my special offer on space dust no Queenie is the name of Dad's old racing car Raj nodded yes of course that sounded just like her I know the boy raced out of the shop into the street speeding down the road was indeed a mini it was traveling too fast for Frank to see who was driving it certainly sounded like Queenie but it couldn't be her because the color was different Queeny was emblazoned with a un and Jack Flag that you could spot a mile off however instead of being painted red white and blue this mini was a lued shade of yellow Dad wouldn't have been seen dead in a car that was the color of bath Raj rushed out of his shop was it her asked the news agent no it couldn't have been replied the boy downhearted it was the wrong color besides Queenie is rusting in some garage somewhere that was one special car I loved her we all did the news agent rested a hand on the boy's shoulder don't be sad look on the bright side what's that that asked the boy looking up at the man you still have a whole four Pence to spend in my shop 20 minutes later Frank still had one Mighty pee to spend buying sweets with such a rare treat that he wanted to make it last H H what should I go for Raj a pink shrimp they were caught fresh today or a flying salsa they do taste out of this world dad exclaimed Frank as his father walked into the shop are you all done mate not quite replied Frank still one whole Pence left to spend added Raj dad stalked over to the penny chw he picked up the nearest one a Cola bottle and dropped it into his son's bag I don't like those ones moaned Frank don't argue please we have to go snaap Dad thanks Raj you know Mr Goody we could have sworn we heard Queenie Roar down this very street called out the news agent dad looked uncomfortable really well you are wrong [Music] chapter 22 trust it was a short walk from Raj's shop back to their flat as soon as the front door was closed dad seemed in a mighty rush to get his son to bed he opened the ltin of beans and stood over Frank as he ate it then it was time for the boy's bath which was a dunk in an oil drum full of water that was dirty than the boy was he came out a shade of gray Frank used a stained old tea towel to dry himself off the best part of bedtime was always story time they never had books in the house so Dad would make up stories for his son instead as the man loved cars the stories always involved the Roar of engines the smell of burning tires and speedometers ticking over into red for danger I'm sorry mate no story tonight it's way past your bedtime it's still early dad you are tired I am wide awake you're too old for stories I'm only 11 nearly 12 still 11 though come on dad in the time you spent arguing with me you could have told me a story the man sighed once upon a time there was a banger racing car called Basher Basher bashed all the other cars off the track and it was the last car standing the end Frank stared at his dad is that it what do you mean is Dad it I mean that's not a story yes it is no it's not why isn't it a story this is too short Once Upon a Time the end that's not a story it was rubbish dad did not look pleased to be spoken to like this right straight to bed no yes come on dad put his hands on the boy's shoulders and steered him like a car into his bedroom put your pajamas on and get into bed I mean into Lilo you know what I mean now I need you to be a good boy and go straight to sleep Frank looked over to the curtains they weren't exactly curtains more bits of cardboard that had been stuck to the window around the edges light was shining through it must still be early what's the time Dad I don't know like his father this seemed very strange to Frank as his father had been checking his watch all night we look at your watch then Dad oh yes replied dad he studded the face for a moment the time is bedtime that's not fair ay flip will be here any minute I need you to go to sleep why is she coming demanded Frank I just need to pop out where I'm going to watch The Banger racing tonight can I come no it goes on too late please mate I'm begging you just go to sleep that'll be Auntie flip if you don't want her to read you one of her poems I suggest you go straight to sleep now give us a Huggle mate dad kneeled down onto his one knee and the pair embraced Dad yeah I'm frightened what are you frightened of I don't know something just doesn't feel right coming everything will be all right in the morning mate the man gave his son a tender kiss on the forehead trust me with that he rose to his foot and closed the door behind him but Frank didn't trust his dad tonight not one bit [Music] chapter 23 shopping trolley the boy lay still on his Lilo listening to Dad and Auntie flip talking in the living room after a few minutes Frank's bedroom door opened a little and Dad peered in the boy shut his eyes tight in a pantomime of sleep I'm sorry mate whispered dad but I have no choice I have to do this for both of us Frank opened one eye the tiniest bit he saw his dad framed in the doorway it was something Frank thought he'd never see again his father had his old racing gear on it was a red white and blue boiler suit which he'd not worn since the accident now the suit was all crumpled grimy and tight on him since his tummy had expanded Frank knew his father was up to no good he had to find out what the next sound the boy heard was the front door opening as soon as he heard the front door closing the boy leapt up from his Lilo and made another little dummy of himself in case Auntie flip poked her head around the door he pushed his feet into his slippers in a rush putting the left one on his right foot and the right one on his left in the living room Auntie flip could be heard composing another poem looking at you would always make me Doty your eyes your toes even your little bottom no body oh this is genius there wasn't time tonight to wait for the lady to go to the toilet Frank decided he had to create to Diversion he crawled into the kitchen and turned on the tap he then snuck himself behind the door just as Auntie flip trundled into the room most peculiar said the lady and she walked over to the sink to turn off the tap I hope this place isn't haunted ghosts give me the willies Frank seized his moment he rushed around the kitchen door ran down the hallway and with the sound of the tap still gushing he opened the front door the boy closed the door behind him and peered over the walkway from up there on the 99th floor his father was now a little dot moving across the car park below Frank leapt into his washing basket and flew down the stairs just as he reached the bottom he saw his dad limp over to a rollsroyce the last one was white but this one was silver was it the same car the engine was running and the three men from the other night were inside this time fingers was in the driving seat with little Mr Big seated next to him the mighty thumbs was sitting in the back he was so heavy that the car was tilting over to one side you're light snarled Mr Big sorry Governor replied dad get in then you better do what we say or there'll be trouble d D climbed in and the rollsroyce roared off Frank felt as if he'd been punched hard in the stomach his dad had lied him he was going off to do no good with these bad bad men the boy had to stop his father before it was too late but he had a problem how on Earth was he going to be able to follow a car on foot he wasn't a fast runner as it was Frank spotted a discarded shopping trolley upturned on the grass the boy writed it and he ran alongside it as if it was a tobogan before leaping in by some miracle this shopping trolley was the one shopping trolley in the world that didn't have wonky Wheels It sped along the road passing an old deer chugging along in her moris Miner Frank seized his chance and held on to the side of the car whizzing down the road now the Rolls-Royce was just a few cars ahead the traffic lights turned red and all the cars slowed down to stop Frank pushed away from the Morris Miner so he could catch up with the Rolls-Royce so as not to be seen Frank ducked his head he grabbed onto the boot handle of the Rolls-Royce just as the light turned green when the car zoomed off so did Frank night was falling and after a few minutes the Rolls-Royce turned off into an industrial estate the road became bumpy and the boy was thrown up and down in his trolley CL clun clun as he could sense the rolls was slowing down to stop Frank let go of the car without any breaks the shopping trolley trundled off at speed the front wheels hit the pavement and the trolley did a somersault whips Frank crash landed into a hedge the boy was now caged in an upside down shopping trolley he pushed it upwards untangled his pajamas from the branches of the Bush and hid behind a burnt out old Burger van Frank watched as the four men got out of the Rolls-Royce and looked around as it was a Saturday night the industrial estate was empty of people rusty old garage door squeaked open and three of the men disappeared inside it was that magical sound again out zoomed the yellow Mini coming to a stop a sentimeter from Mr Big's foot very clever gilber snarled The Crime Boss so this heap of junk is the getaway car trust me Mr Big replied dad her name is Queenie I rebuilt her with my own hands and she is the greatest racing car in the world [Music] chapter 24 Monsters of the deep Frank couldn't believe that his father had put Queenie back together and not told him more secrets more lies the boy guessed that the coat of yellow paint was to disguise her Queenie was a one-off a mini with a Union Jack painted on her her would be a dead giveaway to the police after a short while the two henchmen emerged from the garage both were holding iron bars and wearing what looked like ladies tights over their heads neither fingers nor thumbs were what you might call handsome but now with their faces all squished down by the tights they look like Monsters of the deep Frank desperately needed to talk to his father alone he had to persuade him to stop this madness first he needed to create a distraction next to Frank's foot was a crushed up drink can the boy threw it high in the air thinking it would land by Mr Big's feet however he misjudged his throw and instead it landed on Mr Big's head ow screamed the Crime Boss we're under attack this was a much bigger distraction than Frank had intended fingers and thumbs immediately started rushing around wielding their iron bars as if going into battle they whacked everything in sight bushes bins even the burnt out bergeran in an effort to flush out whoever had hurt their glorious leader Frank dashed across the ground on all fours in the confusion he managed to Scuttle over to the back of the mini and climbed into the boot the boy squashed himself inside the small space and shut the door then he kept as still and quiet as possible so we could listen to what was being said we can't find anyone Governor began fingers we've searched everywhere added thumbs they have to be hiding here somewhere barked Mr Big maybe it was a rat guess thumbs a rat picked up a drink can and threw it at me yelled big a big rat Governor one of them super rats suggested thumbs it landed on my head you imbecil yeah the rat could have been riding on the back of a pigeon just go yelled Mr Big and bring me back the booty or there will be trouble right you are Governor replied fingas the door of the mini opened and closed and Frank could feel the car sink a little as the two henchmen got inside the car's engine revved up and the back wheel screeched then she lurched forward at terrific speed Frank was immediately slammed against the door of the boot o as Queeny raced off into the [Music] night chapter 25 boom Frank was thrown around like a sucker potatoes in the boot as Queenie raced down the roads finally the little car came to a Hal somehow the boy was still alive though he had absolutely no idea where they were all he did know was that his father was driving a getaway car but what they were getting away from was a mystery the boy put his ear next to the boot door and listened first the car door opened then there was the sound of footsteps soon after there was an explosion an alarm sounded then he heard fingers shouting come on we have 5 minutes until the police arrive the boy had to see what was going on he forced open the boot a tiny bit and peaked out there was black smoke from the explosion but as it cleared Frank could make out a sign that read B A an K the boy was only 11 nearly 12 but he had found himself in the middle of a real life bank robbery suddenly he was scared not just for himself but also for his dad if the police caught his father he'd be sent to prison for a very long time Frank leapt out of the boot and crawled along the road Road beside the car he popped his head up at the driver's window ah cried his dad upon seeing his son he wound down the window what are you doing here the man demanded what are you doing here the boy demanded I asked first snapped dad I was worried I climbed in the boot I I didn't want you to do anything stupid what's more stupid than climbing into the boot of a car robbing a bank said the boy we are not robbing a bank replied dad what are you doing then fingers and fums are just checking their savings accounts by blowing the door off it's Saturday night they didn't realize the bank was closed Frank rolled his eyes look dad I may be a kid but I'm not Darth I know exactly what you were doing now you need to get us out of here fast I can't replied dad why not they are bad men Frank they're capable of bad things they'll hurt me they'll hurt you then let's just drive and drive and drive and never stop they'll find us at that moment fingers and thumbs ran out of the bank carrying a brown suitcase which wasn't quite shut it was trailing money 50 notes were fluttering in the sky like butterflies Drive shouted thumbs on seeing this child standing by the car fingers shouted what the blazes is this kid doing here I don't know him said Dad hey kid scram fingers looked at the boy he looks just like you poor boy replied dad he's your son dad looked at Frank again oh yeah so he is so what is he doing here demanded thumbs I thought it was uh bring your kid to work day replied dad clearly hoping a joke might soften them he was wrong as the two goons gave the man a death stare there wasn't time to explain as a police car was speeding down the road towards them it's the fuz yelled fingers come on fingers and thumbs dived into the mini through the passenger side mate get in shouted dad as he reved the engine how pleaded the boy jump the police car sped closer and closer dad revved the engine the two Heavies in the back started shouting leave the fool nasty little runs mate jump in begged dad with that the boy leapt head first into the car the engine roared and Queenie sped off down the street with Frank's bottom sticking out of the window [Music] now chapter 26 Hot Pursuit never stick your bottom out of a car window if you have to stick your bottom out of a car window for whatever reason make sure you are wearing something warmer than pajamas that is because there is a very real danger you will develop a condition called bottom freeze this is when a person's bottom temperature descends to danger levels bottoms can get so cold they actually turn blue in very serious cases Frozen bottoms have been known to crack or even snap off bottom freeze can be brought on in a number of ways doing a number two in an igloo sticking your bottom in a freezer trying to melt a snowman using only the heat from your naked bottom attempting to catch a polar bear in the Arctic using your bottom as bait to bogging on your bear bottom or to use the correct phrase to bottoming accidentally sitting on an icicle that can be painful too if the icicle is sharp cryogenically freezing your bottom so it will live on for future Generations mistaking an iceberg for a nice comfy sofa becoming trapped under an outof control Mr whippy machine it could happen Frank's bottom was becoming dangerously cold as Queenie flew through the town with the police car in Hot Pursuit Dad pulled his son into the car and the boy shuffled across his father's lap before crawling into the back seat next to thumbs the gorilla of a man stared at the small boy good evening said Frank not sure what to say to this brute no it isn't replied the Big Man Thumbs looked out through the back window the one police car had Become Three they were gaining on them throw the boy out ordered thumbs he's slowing Us Down In fairness I think you might weigh a tiny bit more said the boy if this was designed to lighten the mood it backfired badly are you calling me fat growled thumbs no but you do way more stop bickering in the back ordered fingers he started it replied thumbs he's picking on me from his size Shut Up and Hold Tight said dad as they whizzed around a corner they had now reached the outskirts of town where on Earth are you going demanded fingers this isn't the way to the the governor's mansion I know I thought we could take a little shortcut dad turned the steering wheel sharply and the car started going up some steep steps where are you taking us shouted fingers as his long fingers gripped onto his chair we're going to lose them said Dad Queeny crashed through a barrier and suddenly they were on the pitch of a football ground the three police cars were still in Hot Pursuit the mini came to halt in the dead center of the pitch the three police cars fanned out and stopped too a voice came over a loud speaker on top of one of the police cars this is Sergeant Scuf he must want his trousers back said Frank give yourselves up we have you surrounded who fancies a game of football announced dad [Music] chapter 27 go sounds good dad replied Frank Queenie sped off up the steps into the stand where the spectators sit one of the police cars gave gave Chase shift over shouted dad to thumbs the henchman did what he was told and slid over to Frank's side of the car then dad turned the steering wheel sharply and put the mini onto two wheels it just fitted through the gangway between the rows of seats Frank was squashed by having this man Mountain on top of him but didn't feel this was the right moment to complain the police car giving chase behind plowed through the seats the seats flew up into the air and smashed into the wind screen of the police car the driver could not have been able to see where he was going because the police car smashed straight into the giant TV screen the police car dangled out of the screen like a film in 3D one down two to go said dad he turned the steering wheel sharply and Queeny went up on two wheels again and bumped down stairs onto the pitch the two remaining police cars were waiting on the far side they surged forward towards the mini at terrific speed tearing up the grass the mini surged forward too the cars were hurtling towards each other across the pitch this was a dangerous game of chicken who would crumble first screamed fingers he closed his eyes as the police cars headed straight for them make it stop bold thumbs Frank looked at the Beast of a man who was close to tears if someone didn't slam on the brakes there would be a head-on collision Dad held his nerve he was a champion Banger racer after all waiting until he could see the whites of the policeman's eyes he yanked on the handbrake and spun the car round wildly on the spot no cried fingers and thumbs the two police turned sharply one turned too sharply and ended up on its roof skidding across the pitch dad expertly took the mini out of its Spin and nudged the upside down police car into the back of the net go shouted Frank now there was just one police car standing [Music] chapter 28 a mighty duel Queeny sped around the pitch and the police car chased after on the inside they did lap after lap after lap round and round they raced it was like the last two cars left in a banger race Frank saw that one of the officers in the police car was Sergeant scoff the policeman had a wild look in his eye and was leaning out of the window his combover flapping in the breeze he was shouting orders to the officer driving the car faster faster go go scoff stared into the mini the two robbers had their faces squashed by lady's tights but Franken his father didn't have any form of Disguise the boy panicked would Sergeant scoff recognize him and Dad Dad bashed the mini into the police car and sent it spinning towards the goal somehow the police officer driving managed to regain control of the car and stopped just short of the goal line dad put his foot down on the accelerator and powered straight towards the police car the Bonnets of the two cars bashed it was like two Buffalo locking their heads together in battle engines thundered Wheels spun metal crunched this was a mighty duel all of a sudden it seemed as if Dad was losing the police car was surging forward pushing the mini backwards Frank looked up at the policeman staring in at them their faces were lit up with Glee they were winning or so they thought why are you doing Gil back shouted fingers they've got us you idiots yelled thumbs or have they said dad in a Flash he threw the mini into reverse Frank looked out of the rear window now they were going backwards towards the goal the police car accelerated just at the last moment dad turned the steering wheel of the mini sharply and the car spun round the police officer driving was taken by surprise and his car plowed straight past them into the goal goal shouted Frank now let let's get out of here said Dad the car sped off towards the gate Father and Son cheered as the car bounced down the steps y but they weren't safe yet just as they reached the road they saw a semicircle of police cars ahead dad threw the car into reverse but it was too late more police cars came from behind and stopped in formation Bumper to Bumper the mini was now trapped in a circular cage of police cars a police helicopter hovered overhead shining a spotlight on the mini there was no way [Music] out chapter 29 no way out give yourselves a up we have you surrounded came a voice over a loud Haler it was scoff standing at the top of the steps that led into the football stadium the policeman looked a little dazed after his car had so spectacularly hit the back of the net but at least he'd found another pair of trousers even though this pair was too short for him his outrageous combover was whipping up into the air as the helicopter's blad spun the mini tornado it was creating through leaves and litters spinning into the air all around the mini the little car rattled so hard it sounded as if it was going to fall apart dad gulped even the hardened criminals fingers and thumbs were looking worried Frank had watched his father race for years he' marveled as the champion Banger racer maneuvered himself out of the most impossible situations there must be some way to escape Dad you can drive us out of anything urged Frank it's too dangerous mate we need to give ourselves up this is the end it's all this little rant's fault for slowing us down snarled fingers I want to rip his head off and use it as a football growled thumbs despite becoming distracted by the unsavory thought of his head being detached from his body the boy was determined that they'd Escape many years ago he'd seen his father do a terrific stunt in Queenie when he'd flip the car onto its back wheels Dad you can jump those police cars no I can't replied the man you can do a Queeny wheelie oh what demanded thumbs you can't do a wheelie in the car sneered fingers my dad can not now he can't replied Dad when I did that stunt Queenie was specially weighted I had this huge heavy Barrel in the back you've got a huge heavy Barrel in the back now replied Frank nodding towards thumbs the henchman leaned into the boy it looked for a moment as if he might eat him that's not enough mate all three of us grown-ups would have to squeeze in the back what are you waiting for exclaimed the boy who's going to drive asked Dad me replied Frank [Music] Chapter 30 countdown ye have it 10 seconds or I doth use considerable Force announced Sergeant scoff over the loud Haler he spun his Trump punon round in his hand looking eager to use it you can't drive said fingers mockingly why you 10 I'm nearly 12 now do what I say if you want to get out of here 10 came the voice all of you bundle in the back fingers and dad looked reluctant but did what the boy said nine as the pair scrambled into the back the boy scrambled into the front H bud up Shout fingers to thumbs as he squeezed himself onto the back seat a car bul up moaned thumbs I can help it if I have a big botom seven with the three men all in the back and the boy in the front the front of the mini began to [Music] rise six Frank couldn't hide his smile in spite of all the danger he was now sitting in the driving seat of Queenie something he had waited his whole life to do five the boy put his hands on the steering wheel he never felt so cool four he reached his feet down to the pedals disaster his legs were too short Dad I can't reach the pedals shouted the boy three I going to throttle him shouted fingers and when you finish throttling him I'm going to throttle him some more added thumbs two they had one second to [Music] go chapter 31 demolition derby here mate cried Dad use this the man pulled off his wooden leg and passed it to the boy one as quickly as he could the boy hooked his foot into the elastic strap at the top right charge announced Sergeant scoff he began running down the steps waving his trunch a Onan Crusade the boy put his foot down on the wooden leg which pressed the accelerator pedal the mini roared forward with its front wheels off the ground the car mounted the Bonnet of one of the police cars the mini crushed the Bonnet the back wheels of the mini rolled over the police car's windscreen spin the wheel left shouted dad Frank did what his father said and the car started driving over the next police car in the circle all the police officers leapt out of their cars just in time now everyone Lean Forward shouted dad and all three men in the back threw their weight frontwards the mini then slammed down onto four wheels Frank drove over the top of the next police car and the next and the next as the mini zoomed over them it left a trail of Destruction the glass in all the wind screens exploded as the min's Wheels rolled over the cars and the weight of Queenie crushed the police car's roofs Frank had only once been in trouble at school for sneezing loudly in class now he was his very own demolition derby scoff looked on in horror as the whole Fleet of police cars was turned into scrap metal as soon as Frank had completed his lap his dad shouted hard right the mini rolled down the back of a police car and landed on the ground with a loud Sparks flew as the bumper scraped the tarmac then the mini flew down the open road woohoo screamed the boy Frank had never to his knowledge screamed woohoo before but this seemed like the perfect time dad looked on as the speedometer was nudging out of its range the car was going well over 100 m an hour overhead the police helicopter was giving Chase we are not out of the woods yet said dad let me take over now mate I can out smart that Chopper of course dad the boy tried to move the wooden leg over to the brake pedal but it had become jammed on the accelerator dad what mate I can't stop the [Music] car chapter 32 what goes up must come down the excitement immediately turned to Terror as Frank realized they were heading to their Doom with dad's forc leg stuck on the accelerator pedal Queeny was going faster and faster and faster hold on mate said dad as he clambered over the back seat into the front as he did so his stump bashed finger's long pointy nose watch what you doing with that thing snapped fingers sorry called out dad he wiggled this way and that to heave himself forward Frank swerved the car as it went round a roundabout faster than lightning this caused dad to Tumble back his bottom squashed right into finger's face watch what you're doing with that thing shouted the henchman sorry called out dad as he thrust his bottom back onto the man's nose so he could launch himself forward into the passenger seat o he cried sliding down into the front of the mini still the car just kept going faster and faster and faster Frank was clinging onto the steering wheel staring forward into the dark road ahead of him he didn't dare blink now they'd reached the countryside there were no street lights it was that real country Darkness the road had narrowed into a single Lane with high headed RS on each side if there was a car coming the other way they would all be done for overhead they could hear the police helicopter was still following them kill the lights ordered dad the boy flicked a switch and the car's headlights were turned off now no one could see them and they couldn't see anything either soon the sound of the helicopter overhead became fainter I think we've lost them now for the last time stop the car shouted fingers I'm trying replied dad as he bashed at his own wooden leg with his fist but it just wouldn't budge way ahead in the distance the boy could make out something on the road something pink something fat something piggy it was a pig pig shouted Frank not sure what else to say on seeing a pig h how dare you cried thumps it must have escaped from one of the Farms by eating its way through the Hedge perhaps the sound of the helicopter weing overhead has startled it no not you there's a pig on the road run it over said fingers I can't kill a pig shouted the boy you eat pork don't you yelled fingers yes well then you can run over a pig thumbs looked bemused fingers does pork come from a pig yes shouted fingers uh oh you learn something you every day I've done it said dad as he whacked the wooden leg off the accelerator pedal he then scrambled down into the footwell and thumped the brake pedal as hard as he could it was too hard the car's back wheel shut up and the mini somersaulted through the air a screamed everyone as they flew for what seemed like minutes but must have been seconds through the wind screen Frank looked down and stared into the pig's eyes both his eyes and the pigs were wide open with horror the car was flying upside down through the air of course what goes up must come down the car skimmed over a hedge before landing in a field on its roof all four passengers were dangling upside down as the car skidded backwards across a field full of cattle the cows were all lying down asleep until the sight of an upside down mini speeding along the wet grass rudely woke them [Music] up mooded the cows as they desperately clambered up to get out of the way all four inside the car stared out of the back windscreen a Tall Tree was fast approaching shouted thumbs yes we've seen it said fingers slam the brakes shouted thumbs we're upside down said dad oh yeah replied [Music] thumbs chapter 33 sulk hold tight shouted Frank as he realized they were half a second from Impact the back end of the car crashed into the tree and Queeny came to an abrupt halt Dazed and Confused the four hung upside down for a moment before scrambling out of the car as Frank lay on his back in the grass he could feel something rough and slobbery licking his forehead looking up he saw that it was a huge cow's tongue the herd had gathered around the upturned car and were now licking the People Back to [Music] Life get off me shouted fingers pushing the cow's face away which only seemed to make the animal want to lick him more so what me comes from these things asked thumbs innocently is it Shen fingers side loudly I need everyone's help now announced dad lamb guess thumbs listen we all need to work together to roll the car back up the right way now Frank you and I can take this end and fingers and thumbs but before Dad could finish giving his orders thumbs pulled the car up and writed it without any help it landed on the grass with a thumb oh thank you thumbs said dad you seem to have done it all on your own right snapped fingers after you two nearly killed us I'm going to drive from now on I never get to drive huffed thumbs well I baged it first snapped fingers I will drive announced dad nothing Fair grumbled both fingers and thumbs dad reattached his wooden leg and got into the driver's seat look I'm the getaway driver so I'm going to drive can I sit in the the front seat this time pleaded thumbs no said dad can I sit in the front seat this time pleaded fingers no why not the two henchmen asked because if I let one of you sit in the front seat then the other one in the back will moan and then I'll have to stop the car again so you can swap it will all take too long let's get a move on then we need to be at Mr Big's house by midnight said thumbs fingers whack thumbs around the back of the head ow what was that for whined the big man don't tell the kid where we're going it's top secret Mr Big's house asked thumbs fingers whacked him again harder this time ow I never told him that Mr Big masterminded the robbery another whack ow stop it the perer or you'll both have to walk said Dad both men got into the back seat and began to Suk no one liked being told off especially not not hardened criminals Frank slid into the front seat the boy was enjoying all this greatly don't worry I didn't hear that we are going to Mr Big's house or that he masterminded this and all your other robberies he said with a smirk that's good said thumbs see finger shook his head quiet everyone said dad as he tried desperately to start the car instead instead of shuddering into life Queenie let out a low grinding noise oh no said dad what asked the boy the engine must have flooded when you went upside down the poor old girl won't start again now for hours we're going to have to walk maybe we should call the police suggested thumbs see if they can tell us we're escaping from the police remember shouted finger oh yeah say what I have to deal with said fingers to anyone who would listen come on said Dad the sooner we start the sooner we'll get there at that moment a bolt of lightning lit up the sky after a moment a roll of thunder could be heard and Rain poured down from the skies I think it's raining observe thumbs fingers picked up the brown suitcase stuffed with cash he threw it at thumbs a little too hard ow cried the henchman you can carry it come on this way announced fingers and the four men began the Long March to Mr Big's house Dad and Frank took a last look back at poor Queenie the rain was pouring down and the yellow paint was running off onto the field revealing the Union Jack underneath what about Queenie asked Frank we'll come back for her mate said Dad don't you [Music] worry chapter 34 crime does pay after trudging across Fields covered in cow Pats in the pouring rain the group arrived at a set of huge iron gates a sign outside read Pila house this is it said fingers he pressed a buzzer and leaned into an intercom Mr Big resident came a voice from the speaker it's fingers and thumbs we've got a present for the governor said fingers he's been expecting you one moment please slowly the gates word open and the four walked up the long driveway at the end of it was an enormous Country House in all his 11 years Frank had never seen a home so Grand it looked like a palace with its thick Roman style columns tall windows and stone steps leading up to a huge wooden door looking at all the this in awe Frank muttered crime does pay they passed an ornamental Fountain which had at its Center a giant marble statue it was a likeness of Mr Big himself striking a heroic pose with his dressing gown flying in the wind like a cape he'd made himself look like a superhero rather than the super villain that he really was the four climbed the stone steps to the imposing wooden door fingers knocked on the solid gold knocker after a few moments a butler in a bow tie and Tails answered the door my master is waiting in the study for you he announced he was a short thin man with an unsmiling face from his accent and appearance Frank could tell he was Chinese the battler LED them down a long Corridor and into Mr Big's study you light snarled Mr Big the little man was seated behind a large desk in his office chomping on a cigar at his feet were two fat black cats with diamond encrusted collars the room was an embarrassment of gold gold desk gold chair gold lamps gold frames round gold paintings of Mr Big wearing gold one even depicted Mr big as a Roman Emperor with a crown of gold leaves on his head this was a Man Who Loved gold nearly as much as he loved himself sorry Governor said fingers we had a little problem with a getaway car the henchman shot a look at dad who bowed his head and who is this little worm demanded big my son sir replied dad oh so I finally meet the little squirt your mama has told me a bit about you my mom said the boy trembling didn't your daddy tell you said Mr Big with a smirk she's my woman now Frank looked back to his father desperately confused Tad please tell me this isn't true the man took a deep breath he protected his son from the truth for so long now he had no choice but to tell him the whole story I'm so sorry son it is true your mother lives here with Mr Big immediately Frank felt as if he was underwater the world around him felt silent and heavy he couldn't think he couldn't speak he couldn't breathe dad wrapped his arms round his son I should have told you mate but I wanted to protect you from the truth Frank didn't want to cry in front of these men he wanted to be strong but he couldn't through tears he asked please don't tell me my mom is here right now in this house Mr Big smiled of course she is I don't let her out the two henchmen laughed at this joke which like most jokes was serious yes mommy's here continued Mr Big around this time of night you can find her alone in the drawing room down in a bottle of vintage champagne something your daad here could never provide for her the henchman laughed again so little Frankie began Mr B do you miss your mommy do you want to see her no snapped the boy well I bet she wants to see you it's been a while CH tell the lady of the house her son's here yes master said the butler bowing as he left the room dad put a protective arm around his son don't do this to the boy he demanded I can't wait to see this replied big mother and son reunited At Last I don't want to see her dad sniffed the boy come on mate let's get out of here said dad taking his son by the hand but it was too late the boy's mother appeared in the doorway [Music] chapter 35 champagne perfume and hairspray mom looked very different from how Frank had remembered her now she was all hair and makeup and nails her skin was a good shade darker and she was Dripping in gold jewelry she looked like a gangster's mole a fancily dressed female companion of a criminal which was exactly what she had become oh haven't you grown slurred the woman holding a glass of champagne with lipstick smudged around the rim seeing her after all this time seemed unreal to the boy eventually Frank managed a hello Mom Mr Big beamed he seemed to be enjoying all this ain't you going to give your Mommy a kiss the boy shook his head come on Frankie she said as she stumbled into the room the woman tottered on her two high heels like a fo taking its first steps eventually she was nose to noose with her son the boy had to close his mouth and try not to breathe such was the stench of champagne hairspray and perfume nah give me a kiss she demanded I don't want to said the boy you rude little toag she snarled fingers and thumbs looked on smirking at the scene the two black cats purred dad leapt in you leave my son alone the woman turned her head slowly towards him when her eyes met his she said Gilbert you're forgetting something Frank is my son and all the boy felt caught in the middle somewhere deep inside him he still loved his mother even though she'd let him down so badly over the years please don't do this pleaded dad not now the boy wrapped his arms around his father's chest and held on tight the woman's face glowed with anger I'm going to bed she she huffed no no no ordered Mr beg stay here my love I want you to see what these nice gentlemen have brought me Chang nodded to fingers and thumbs the pair snapped into action and emptied the brown suitcase full of money onto the desk there were bundles and bundles of 50 notes each bundle looked like a 100 notes and there were at least a hundred bundles so that was 50 time 100 time 100 math wasn't Frank's strong subject all he knew was that was a lot of norts look at it woman said Mr Big mom's eyes lit up oh biggie it's beautiful the little Crime Boss scooped up huge bundles of cash and handed them to her there you go babes buy yourself something nice your birthday you're the best piggy squealed mom as she threw her arms around Mr Big and gave him a long slobbering [Music] kiss Frank and dad looked away and even fingers thumbs and Chang stared at the ceiling don't belong she purred as she poured the last of the champagne down her throat and wobbled B on her high heels the woman plucked a bundle of notes from one of her wads and stuffed it in the top pocket of the boy's pajamas here some pocket money I don't want your money replied Frank and he took the notes out and stuffed them back in her hand what do you want then slurred the woman I don't want anything from you said Frank I don't want to see you ever again the woman's face darkened it was as if she was transformed into a serpent mom raised her hand as if she was going to slap her son across the [Music] face chapter 36 loot dad reached out and grabbed mom's wrist to stop her he held on to it tightly a millimeter from Frank's face what are you doing rer asked Dad I don't know Gilbert replied the woman suddenly shocked by what she might have done haven't you hurt our boy enough already oh no I'm sorry I am so sorry I don't know what came over me she spluttered tears running running down her cheeks I've let you down Frank that's all I've ever done to you just let you [Music] down you're embarrassing yourself now snarled Mr Big go to bed mom bowed her head and tottered out of the study it's none of your business how I speak to her she's my property now he continued to Dad and Frank with a Sinister smile the boy realized this man was bad bad Beyond Redemption The Crime Boss then turned his attention to the loot piled on his desk he picked up a wad of money first he sniffed it then he kissed it finally he ran his fingers along the edges of the notes and put his ear next to them a huge smile spread across his little fat face money he murmured to himself as if under a spell lots and lots of lovely money there must be half a million Governor said fingers not too shabby for a night's work gentlemen not too shabby at all like throwing a dog or bone Mr Big threw a bundle each to his two trusty henchmen fingers and thumb there's your [ __ ] said the boss the two men looked happy enough with their spoils thanks Governor said fingers yeah thanks a Millian Governor added thumbs excitedly now we can buy some more football stickers for me collection Frank and his father shared a look football stickers what was he 10 years old next to Mr big was a huge tin marked caviar he pushed in a little gold spoon and lifted out hundreds of the little black fish eggs Ronnie Reggie he called who are they thought Frank Two Fat Cats stood up arched their backs and be their fangs the cats were named after the infamous 1960s criminal Duo the cray twins Ronnie the first cat licked the spoon and gobbled down the caviar greedily as Reggie hissed don't you worry Reggie here's yours Mr Big then flicked a dollop of caviar into the air which the Beast caught in its mouth the two cats purred CH ordered big yes master replied the butler dump the rest of the loot in the safe for me with pleasure Master said the butler he pulled a picture frame to one side revealing a safe behind Chang pressed four buttons on the keypad and the safe door word open Frank stole a look inside the metal box was completely stacked full of gold bars and 50 Notes One By One The Butler placed the new bundles neatly in when Chang had finished Frank spoke up Mr Big this isn't fair what about my dad's share a deathly silence descended on the study what did you say to me demanded Mr Big his little piggy eyes were popping in anger nothing replied dad not wanting to cause any trouble the boy doesn't mean anything by it it wasn't nothing what did you say to me you nasty little [Music] cockroach chapter 37 bursting a brain All Eyes in Mr Big's study were on Frank this little wretch in a dirty old pair of pajamas had dared to speak up to the Crime Boss my dad drove the getaway car said Frank you would never have got away with a robbery without him he deserves a share of the loot Mr Big started laughing [Laughter] then finger started laughing then thumbs finally even the unsmiling Chang made a noise that sounded a little like a laugh Ronnie and Reggie purred what's so funny demanded the boy what's so funny began Mr big is that your daddy owes me money a worried look swept across Dad's face but Mr Big that's not what we agreed you promised tonight would clear all my debts Mr Big waddled over from behind his desk until he came nose to noose with Dad the Crime Boss stared deep into the Man's eyes and blew a plume of smoke from his cigar into his face this made dad cough and splutter one night began big one night's work don't made me laugh you seem to have forgotten you borrowed a huge amount of money from me it was only £500 pleaded dad only £500 I needed it to buy a birthday present for me boy my race set said the boy yes but Dad protested Frank you didn't need to buy that for me I would have done without please be quiet mate said dad but you didn't pay the money back did you continued Mr Big I tried I swear I did I tried and tried to get me old job back Banger racing but they wouldn't let me drive again you owe me Gilbert goody with interest £500 became £1,000 £1,000 became £10,000 £10,000 became £100,000 that's not fair pretend tested Frank how can £500 become £100,000 I'm not a bank snapped Mr Big no you just Rob them said Frank cocky little so and so ain't you but £100,000 pleaded dad I will never ever have that sort of money Mr Big smiled a Sinister smile then you better keep working for me until you've paid off your debt that's not fair said Frank mate be quiet snapped dad but for how long as long as I say so and what if I say no asked Dad fingers thumbs at once the two henchmen sprang into action fingers grabbed Frank by looping his arms under the boys he scooped him off the floor get off me screamed the boy as he struggled to get away get your filthy hands off my son shouted dad thumbs kicked the man's wooden leg so hard that it collapsed from under him dad fell to the floor dad shouted Frank the poor man was lying on the floor his body was broken but not his Spirit if you do anything to hurt my son I swear SEL you're what asked big mockingly he trod on Dad's fingers ow dad screamed thums ordered Mr big do your worst with the boy Frank looked on in Terror as the man bent back his humongous thumbs ready to cause damage the henchmen pressed them hard into the boy's ears Frank felt like his brain was going to burn first he [Music] screamed chapter 38 stop please shouted Dad I'll do whatever you say just leave my boy alone Mr Big Smoke LED before finally saying that's enough gentlemen fingers and thumbs put Frank down after a moment more enjoying his power big took his feet off dad's fingers still writhing in pain the man scrambled up onto his knee to hug his son who was shaking with fear I'm glad you've come round in my way of thinking Gilbert continued Mr Big I will be in T about the next job very soon Frank kneeled down to help Dad reattach his wooden leg suddenly the boy spied one of the wads of cash Lying by his feet it must have fallen off Mr Big's desk as the suitcase was emptied there in crisp 50b notes was the answer to so many of his and his father's problems when he thought no one was looking Frank moved his left foot slowly forward to cover it if he kept his nerve he could craftily slide it out of the room my master thanks you for your visit now it is time to leave announced Chang Frank kept his foot pressed to the floor as he and his father were shown out of the study after a few Paces big barked stop the pair did what they were told why are you walking funny he demanded who me asked the boy innocently yeah you we know why that crippled father of yours walks funny unsurprisingly the two goons laughed again at their boss's cruelty I'm not walking funny replied Frank take a few steps then said Mr Big the boy did as he was told dragging his left foot what is that under your foot nothing lied the boy Mr Big bristled the boy was testing the man's patience thums ordered big The Brute knew what to do he marched over to Frank wrapped his arms around his chest and lifted him off the ground All Eyes looked down at the bundle of cash that the boy had slid halfway across the study sorry Dad whispered Frank dad gave his son a supportive smile it seems we have a thief amongst us announced Mr Big please please Mr Big Sir have mercy on the boy begged dad The Crime Boss waddled over to Frank and stared straight at him Frank took a deep breath what was this nasty little man going to do the answer was a smile boy I am impressed began big very impressed stealing from Mr Big himself that takes some guts you should come and live here with me and your mother dad looked to his son fear blazing in his eyes never shouted Frank Never Say Never ever replied Mr Big think about it I've thought about it it's never I could train you up come on dad said Frank tugging on his father's sleeve we have to go just as the pair had reached the study door Mr Big called after the boy one day all this could be yours I would rather die that can be arranged purred Mr [Music] Big chapter 39 a figure in the shadows Frank and his father trudged through the wind and rain in silence until they found a train station there they huddled together for warmth on a bench on the platform waiting for the first cold empty train to take them back into town your mom does love you you know said Dad Frank said nothing all that had happened during the night had brought back the feelings of hurt and deepened them she never used to drink like that said Dad it made me sad come on I think we both need a Huggle the pair held on to each other until the train trundled into the station by the time they'd reached their block of flats Dawn was breaking with the lift in the block still out of order they climbed the flights and flights of steps when Dad finally put the key in the front door both were weary beyond words as they entered the flat the door to the living room opened a figure a peered Out of the Shadows Frank gripped onto his father in fear good morning boys it was only Auntie flip oh good morning Auntie flip said Dad both he and his son had completely forgotten she was babysitting sorry you were here all night said dad I saw you asleep when I got back I thought I'd leave you to it he added oh my word look at the state of you said the lady as she frantically started rubbing the dirt off their clothes with her hand when the mud stains wouldn't budge flip did Frank's most hated thing the lady took out her handkerchief spat on it and began vigorously wiping the mud off then she sniffed her handkerchief this is cow dong she exclaimed where on earth have you been we just popped out to get a pite of milk lied dad straight from the cow she asked uh no it came from Raj's shop added the boy hoping to make the LIE sound a little more believable I think we must have stepped in a cowp pat on the way back is that so well I could murder a cup of tea said Auntie flip where is that milk what milk asked Dad the milk you bought we took it back to the shop said Frank why asked the lady it was off replied Dad we should have guessed continued Frank it was on special offer but I'm sure Raj could sell it as cheese flip looked at them both quizzically the lady knew something was up but what exactly she stared her handkerchief back up her sleeve and glanced at her watch oh dear is that the time we better get going where asked Dad I don't tell me you've both forgotten dad and Frank looked at each other after the drama of the night they had indeed forgotten but what exactly had they forgotten sorry yes we have actually forgotten said Frank Church of course exclaimed flip oh yes Church said dad trying to sound a little bit excited and failing miserably Happy Father's Day Dad thank you mate Auntie flip looked on with a proud smile beautiful and don't fret I have written a special Father's Day poem for you to read to the entire congregation Father and Son Shar a pained look [Music] chapter 40 Empty Chairs welcome welcome and thce welcome said Reverend Judith as Frank dad and Auntie flip entered the church soaked from the thunderstorm still raging outside I hope I'll be able to find you three seats together do you want to sit together if we possibly can said Auntie flip Frank looked around the church it was bursting with chairs Empty Chairs sadly the ever eager Reverend Judith had not been able to conjure up many worshippers even though it was Father's Day there was just one old deer sitting halfway back her faulty hearing aid letting off a high pitched whistle this way please said Reverend Judith as she guided the trio to the front of the church as they passed the old deer she shouted out when's the tea and biscuits vica I was promised tea and biscuits tea and biscuit will be served straight after the service replied the vicer with a smile I'll come back in an hour then said the old deer and she got up and walked out of the church poor Reverend Judith tried to hide her disappointment and carried on guiding her Congregation of three to their seats these three here all right for you oh perfect thank you replied flip and may I say you're looking lovely today oh why thank you said the vicar takeing her back have you done something to your hair I just ran a comb through it Shrugged the vicer well it looks delightful how delightful of you to say so Auntie flip and the vicer shared bashful grins Frank had never witnessed his babysitter behave like this before Dad the boy whispered into his father's ear yes what's going on between those to I don't know neither had ever given any thought to Auntie flips love life before shush shushed Auntie flip please be mindful of the congregation there's nobody here protested the boy this is a chge they are here in spirit replied Auntie flip carry on vica thank you flip as soon as she began her welcome speech rain poured from the roof onto her as if someone had turned on a tap Judith tried to avoid it by moving but every time she did she managed to find an even worse spot the Vic hadn't been lying all these years the roof was in dire need of repair welcome one and all to this special Father's Day service it is super to see so many new faces here today Frank looked around to see if anyone else had come in they hadn't by so many she must have meant two now to begin to today I want to ask one particular father and son to join me at the altar to read their special Father's Day poem to the rest of the congregation with heavy hearts Father and Son went up to the Altar and turned around to face the Sea of empty chairs Father's Day by Auntie flip began the boy I love you Daddy I really do rain poured from the the roof onto the boy's head as dad took over his part and I love you son I really do the day you were born I was so happy even though I had to change your nappy dad had been looking smug that he'd not been getting soaked however suddenly the rain came through the roof with such force it was as if a bucket of water was being emptied over his head I always made sure I deposited a gift for you a number one or a number two just then the doors at the back of the church swung open in March Sergeant scoff who took a seat at the front Father and Son looked at each other nervously what was he doing here they tried to carry on as if nothing was wrong if they thought the poem couldn't get any worse they were mistaken looking at you would always make me d your eyes your toes even your little body continued dad the door swung open again this time in March police officer after police officer after police officer they took their helmets off because they were in church then instantly put them on again to avoid the water leaking from the roof Frank glanced across to Reverend Judith who was beaming to see her church filling up with some hesitation the boy continued with the poem darling daddy you are the best but before he could read the next line Sergeant scoff jumped in with Glee no he's not he's under [Music] arrest chapter 41 guilty the police had found the getaway car in the field the rain had washed most of the yellow paint off the mini to reveal the Union Jack underneath there was no doubt that the car was Queeny this led the police to their Prime Suspect the car's owner Gilbert goody the man was arrested in church charged at the police station and then locked up in prison weeks passed until the day of the trial arrived it came was no surprise that Dad was found guilty the head of the jury announced their verdict All Eyes in the courtroom then turned to judge pillar the unsmiling old man was seated front and center on what looked like a throne he was draped in red robes with a strange old-fashioned wig plunked on his head as he was the one on trial dad was standing in the dock a smug looking Sergeant scoff was at his side guarding him down downstairs in the courtroom sat the jury lawyers Court clerks and police officers upstairs in the gallery sat various onlookers including Frank and Auntie flip a few rows behind them sat fingers and thumbs Frank guessed Mr Big must have sent them to report back on everything Mr Goody the jury has found you guilty as charged may I add that I am extremely disappointed in you continued judge pillar you have a young son yet you involve yourself in the world of organized crime robbing a bank no less stealing half a million pounds money I might add that has never been recovered you must know where the money is hidden and yet Mr Goody you refused to inform the police you must have had ACC complies but you will not name them this no doubt is the criminals code of honor Frank looked over his shoulder at fingers and thumbs who smiled at the boy menacingly for any decent Law Abiding Citizen there is no honor in this none at all you are a bad man Mr Goody and worst of all a bad dad a very bad dad that hit Gilbert like a ton of bricks he looked over to his son with tears in his eyes as the judge announced the sentence Gilbert goody I senten you to 10 years in prison [Music] chapter 42 no one says no dad shouted Frank as his father was led away in handcuffs by Sergeant scoff no the boy was sobbing he would be a grownup by the time his dad was let out of prison I'm so sorry mate called Dad please take care of ay flip I will called the lady as she took out her lace handkerchief from up her sleeve to dab the boy's eyes don't cry Frank I'll look after you I just want my dad sniffed the boy I know I know and I'm sorry I'm not your dad but we'll just have to make the best of it all somehow now come along Auntie flip took Frank's hand and led him out of the Court room but their path was blocked by fingers and thumbs excuse us said the lady but the pair wouldn't budge it's a good job your daddy didn't squeal said fingers who knows what might have happened to you or to him in prison me six brothers are all in the neck announce thumbs you must be so proud said Auntie flip now please get out of the way still the pair blocked their path who are you demanded flip we are friends of the boy's father replied fingers they're not friends said Frank they are the ones who got him in this awful mess fingers put one of his long thin fingers to his lips be careful what you say just let us go said the boy trying and failing to push past the two henchmen don't being such a rush boy we come bearing an invitation said fingers Mr Big has a proposition for you he would like you to come over to the house I said never said the boy let us pass demanded Auntie Flip or I will use Force she raised her hand bag ready to whack the two men if need be no one but no one said says no to Mr Pig said fingers he stepped aside and did a little mock bow to the pair as they passed just as they reached the door the henchmen called after them no one alive that [Music] is chapter 43 pongy cheese that night at Auntie Flip's house Frank soaked his pillow with tears phlip heard him from the kitchen downstairs and brought him up a new pillow she sat on the side of the little pink bed in her little pink spare room and stroked the boy's hair right now young Frank it's as if you're walking through a storm said Auntie flip but I promise you in time the rain will lift a little it didn't day after day Frank felt as if he was walking through thunder and lightning the boy was bullied at school for having a father who was banged up if anything went missing at school he always got the blame one particularly unpleasant girl in his class said Frank's Old Man's a thief it's stand the reason he's a dirty little thief and all but Frank knew in his heart that his father wasn't a thief he was a good man who had done a Bad Thing dad had got himself into a mountain of debt trying to do the best he could for his son now Frank had to do the best for his father but how Auntie Flip's little house was overflowing with antique bits and pieces there was barely enough room for Frank as every chair or table or cupboard was piled up with fimal porcelain dolls leatherbound books animal figurines and oldfashioned teddy bears life with Auntie flip couldn't be more different from how life had been with his father the lady would sit over him as he did his homework making sure he dotted every eye and crossed every tea sometimes she would even correct the teacher's spelling mistakes I'm sorry to say your history teacher is an ignoramus she can't even spell B they never ever had chips for tea instead the lady would cook him one of her kishis which the boy always found disgusting Auntie flip was Queen of the kiche the Savory pastry was about the only thing she ate her kiche recipes were not to most people's tastes pickled onion and beetroot curried egg and cabbage pongy cheese and turnip Partridge parsnip and pear spam spam spam and more spam H eel and artichoke prawn and seagull's eggs brussel sprouts and goats kurd yuck after dinner entertainment was always poetry hour though this hour would often stretched to two or three this next one is called o to Tree by me she would announce grandly before reading it out loud oh tree oh tree oh lovely lovely tree as you dance in the breeze with perfect ease I think if only I could be so wondrously free but it's plain to see I will never be a [Music] tree the boy would pretend to be asleep it was the only way to make her stop as the days turned into weeks and weeks into months the unlikely pair became close Frank grew to love the lady she had shown him kindness when he needed it most when his father was sent to prison Frank thought his mother might call him but she never did Auntie flip was all he had soon she and Frank had settled into a cozy routine Friday evenings the pair would visit thecal local library where flip worked and the boy would forget his troubles for a while as he lost himself in the pages of books he even learned to love poetry Saturday mornings they would take a walk in the park flip would give the boy a coin to make a wish but the wish never came true his father stayed locked up in prison Sunday mornings flip would take Frank to church which was just as well as they would be the only people there each night flip would shake out her lace tablecloth and set her little wooden dining table for two when one night a third place setting was laid the boy was naturally intrigued [Music] chapter 44 sneeze juice super to see you again young Frank said the lady as the boy opened the front door for her she was carrying a bouquet of wild flowers hello vica said the boy they stood there looking at each other for a moment can I come in she asked if that is the vica please let her in at once cold flipped from the kitchen that makes a nice change said Reverend Judith flip wafted towards them wearing her floatiest flowest dress she became quite emotional upon seeing the flowers oh for me she asked yes said Judith I picked them myself no one has ever bought me flowers before than thank you so so much flip sniffed the flowers and then instantly sneezed on them mat are you right asked the Vicor yes yes I am very sightly allergic to flowers but I love them flip arranged them in a vase on the dining table that she sneezed again louder this time so you've never been married asked the Vicor married scoffed f I've Never Been Kissed really said the Vicor yes no not once all that romance nonsense passed me by years ago it was such a sad thought to have lived a whole life without love that neither Frank nor Judith knew what to say fortunately flip broke the silence let's all sit down for dinner she announced the three took their places at the table I hope you like rabbit and dandel and kich said flip the boy grimaced the vicker replied I've never tried it but I'm sure it will be delicious let me say grace flip closed her eyes in prayer so the boy did the same dear Lord may you bless this kiche this night and bless the special ier who cooked it amen amen amen copied Frank though we didn't know what amen meant the vicer took a bite of her food and grimaced how is the key asked flip delicious lied the lady somehow Flip's kishis were always rubbery and hard to bite into wonderful so how was chur on Sunday Rend Judith is fine the pair giggled the boy felt like a gbury sitting between them how was church on Sunday Judith the sneeze was much louder this time apologies Judith I think some of my sneeze juice just sprayed over you no matter said Judith wiping snot from her eye Frank and I are so sorry we missed Sunday's service tell Judith where we were Frankie at a poetry Society competition sighed the boy still bored at the memory of the weekend oh how did you do asked the vicar very well replied Auntie flip I came 97th congratulations 97th thank you flip blushed with pride how many entrance were there 98 replied Frank well that's not bad said Judith trying to look on the bright side one poetes got disqualified for biting another competitor added flip she said she'd stolen a rhyme she rhymed girkin with twerkin oh dear said Judith who suddenly seemed put off her kiche that was the only good bit said Frank with a smirk no it wasn't snapped flip as you can imagine the Poetry Society have a zero tolerance policy for biting I can imagine that's it another nose full of snot flew across the dining table drenching the Vicor shall we move the flowers asked Judith yes that's probably a good idea Frank be a good boy the Boy picked up the vase and took it into the kitchen so how many worshippers did you have at church on Sunday asked flip the Vicor looked hesitant to answer just one she murmured oh that's not too bad Judith at least one person came no it was just me replied the Vicor oh dear oh dear indeed Frank came back into the dining room and announced you know Dad and I will come to church every Sunday the two grown-ups looked at each other concerned what was the boy talking about his father was looking at a 10year stretch he wasn't going to Sunday service anytime soon if you help me break him out of prison [Music] chapter 45 master plan I am a Vicor exclaimed the vicar and I am a librarian exclaimed the librarian we can't be I think the phrase is busting your father out of prison please listen to me first said the boy the words tumbled out as Frank told the two old ladies the whole story how dad had borrowed money from from the evil Mr Big and how the debt had spiraled how his father had been tricked into taking part in the robbery how dad had kept quiet in the trial to save his son from being hurt by Big's henchmen fingers and thumbs the boy finished up by saying that judge was wrong my dad is not a bad dad he is a good man who did a bad thing he did it to save me from getting hurt dad doesn't deserve to be in prison we need to help him escape the two ladies looked at each other in silence it was Reverend Judith who spoke first a great wrong has been done to your father no doubt about it I wish we could do something to write that wrong but with respect Judith two wrongs don't make a right said flip the lady then turned to Frank I'm sorry but you're asking us to take part in something very wrong I promise you those 10 years will pass before you know it this made the boy mightily angry 10 years 10 years I will be 21 in 10 years an old man Frank stood up knocking his chair over and you know what Auntie flip I hate keich and poetry I want my dad back and if you won't help me I'll do it all by myself Frank ran out of the dining room and up the stairs to his bedroom Frankie called flip after him the boy slammed the door and lay down on his little pink bed his legs dangling off the end he could hear that the two ladies were talking downstairs Frank picked up an empty glass on the bedside table he slid off the bed and put his ear to the glass and the glass on the floor so he could hear what they were saying those two henchmen have been terrorizing people all over town said Judith they need to be stopped they even stole the gold communion goblet from the church Dreadful I came face to face with them in court a truly nasty pair it's not fair that the boy's father is paying the price for their misdeeds you forget he drove the getaway car there's no escaping that Gilbert committed a serious crime but he only did it to protect his son oh it's such a mess but if my nephew did try to escape from prison he would be captured and sent straight back and get a longer sentence we have to do something though if only there was some way of putting all that money back the boy's brain lit up with an idea that is exactly what he could do to help his father father put the money back in the bank how could dad be guilty if no money was missing trembling with excitement Frank wonky wrote down his master plan one break into Mr Big's Country House two steal half a million pound out of Mr Big's safe three break into the bank four put half a million pound in the bank's fault it was simple but brilliant there was just one problem the boy had absolutely no idea how he could put any of this plan into action all Frank knew was that it would be impossible to do it alone he needed a grown-up to help him but [Music] who chapter 46 a riddle there was one person Frank knew who could give him some advice his friendly local news agent ah my favorite customer exclaimed Raj on seeing the boy the news agent tried to be his usual Jolly self but there was sadness in his eyes the man was sweeping up shards of broken glass from the floor someone had smashed in the front window of his shop are you all right Raj what happened Raj picked up a brick from the counter this came through the window in the middle of the night it came with a note attached to it look it read we demand £200 a week or next time the brick will hit you fingers and thumbs asked Frank of course they need to be stopped I know I know I don't know where I'm going to find the money I'm sorry I don't have any today that's all right young sir I know times are hard with your father in prison Raj put a comforting arm around the boy please help yourself to anything in my shop for free free Frank couldn't believe his ears yes anything you like wow thank you Raj up to the value of 8p oh the boy couldn't hide his disappointment he picked up the smallest chocolate bar he could see that's 10p young man oh pass it to me please said Raj gesturing with his hands the boy did what he was told Raj then unwrapped the bar took a bite off the end and passed it back to the boy that was a TWP bite there you go we even now thanks Raj Frank was too hungry to worry about Raj's Gob gloop on the bar and happily demolished it in seconds my dad isn't the real bad guy you know I'm sure he's a good man your father fingers and thumbs made him do it that makes sense and they are free to threaten everyone in town while your poor father sits in jail I can't bear it I can imagine have a free penny too thanks Raj replied Frank popping a raspberry Fizz in his pocket for later dad got caught up in this really bad debt that spiraled way out of control he was only trying to help me now I need to help him I just need to steal the half a million pounds from the men who stole it in the first place and put it back in the bank Raj pondered on this I suppose if nothing was stolen then the judge might let your father out of prison that's what I'm hoping but how on Earth are you going to steal the money and put it back in the bank the boy looked down at the floor I have absolutely no idea oh replied the news agent I'm sorry I have no idea either the only person I know who could help me do all that is my dad said Frank well you could always wait 10 years until he was let out of prison and do it then Frank looked at the news agent surely no one was that daed there would be no point Raj as he would have served his time by then oh yes silly me the news agent slapped himself in the face to get my dad out of prison I have to get him out of prison Raj looked puzzled that is like a riddle but yes you are right the problem is your dad was sent to the most high security jail in the country in a 100 years no one has ever escaped from wrong foot prison no wrong foot is where they put all the naughtiest criminals it's not fair exclaimed the boy my dad doesn't deserve to be in there I hate not being with him now I have to live with his aunt Auntie flip Raj suddenly remembered something I had Auntie flip in here this morning she wanted to know if I sold Goose goose she said she needed one for a Kish oh no that will be for my dinner I told her she might be able to catch one down by the ponds she'd never been into my shop before then how did you know it was her asked the boy she looks exactly like your father older of course and a lady but I could immediately see the resemblance the same sticky out ears that do have no offense none taken lied the boy I asked her if she and your father were related and she explained who she was to my eyes they could be twins Frank screwed up his face you think so put some glasses on him and he would be her double the boy chuckled his eyes widened as he started to see his plan unfold in his mind Raj you are a genius am I yes the boy was so happy he wanted to dance he grabbed hold of Raj and gave him a big kiss on his Bolding head thank you thank you thank you what did I do the news agent was befuddled I'm sorry Raj it's a secret for now the boy skipped off down the street all he had to do now was persuade flip to swap places with his dad in prison how hard could that [Music] be chapter 47 where did you get that goose no shouted Auntie flip no no no no no absolutely one 100% no so that's a no asked Frank yes that's a no now finish up your goose and gy keys the pair were sitting together at the dining table in Auntie Flip's little house the boy had had the tiniest inkling that his great aunt wouldn't like the idea of swapping places with his dad in prison but he wasn't giving up yet Frank took a bite of his kiche as usual it tasted horrible Auntie flip yes where did you get that goose the lady looked sheepish from a shop what shop the goose shop she said avoiding his gaze flustered she got up from the table and disappeared into the kitchen it was the perfect opportunity for Frank to hurl the rest of the key out of the window whiz Splat unfortunately Frank hadn't realized the window was shut and the keys trickled down the glass Oops said the boy as he ran to the window and tried to clean the bits of goose gbury and pastry off the window with his sleeve then he took the empty plate into the kitchen that was absolutely delicious Auntie flip lied Frank the lady softened no one had ever complimented her on her kishes before four oh thank you would you like some more no no no replied the boy a little too quickly I'm completely full you cooked such a delicious meal that was one of your top 50 kiches of all time now come on let me do the washing up tonight what a good boy you are thank you I'll try Frank stood at the sink and began washing the plates he realized if he was going to re great aun into his plan he was going to have to do it very gently the vicer is such a smart lady isn't she oh yes very much so passing a freshly washed dinner plate to his great aunt the boy said you should invite her over for dinner again we'll see replied flip what is stopping you I don't know fear of what of what my might happen between me and her I like her you see Frankie I like her very much well surely that is nothing to be scared of the lady let out a sad sigh oh my whole life has been ruled by fear maybe that is why I've Never Been Kissed maybe now seems like the perfect time to change the boy let this settle into Auntie Flip's mind so how long exactly would I have to swap faces with your father for she asked tentatively just one night the boy replied casually just one night in prison think of it as a little holiday then with Dad on the outside he and I can steal the money back off Mr Big and put it in the bank then the next morning you can SW again first thing in the morning yes first thing I hear the breakfasts in prison on grade you won't have to eat the breakfast oh I'm not sure think of it as an adventure I've never had an adventure well now is the time to start and I wouldn't be surprised if Judith saw you as a hero you think so I know so flip took a deep breath Frankie the most excitement I've ever had in my life is when I got to charge someone a 23 fine for a library book that had been overdue for a year she confessed this is all too thrilling asked the boy yes that's it thrilling the lady's face lit up not too thrilling just thrilling Frank this is madness but I'm in yes [Music] chapter 48 wrong foot visiting day at the prison was every Saturday for Frank it couldn't come soon enough wrong foot prison was a big ugly building with a big ugly wall around it visiting hours were strict and Frank and flip joined the queue that snaked around the wall there were pregnant women in leggings screaming toddlers weepy mothers terrifying shaven-headed men and even more terrifying shaven-headed women flip was holding a freshly baked kiche in a tin that was a gift for Frank's father pigeon and Plum the trouble was that she was so frazzled with nerves She was rattling it like crazy it was as if she had a hundred jumping frogs in that tin rattle rattle rattle try to keep that thing still Auntie flip hissed Frank everyone is staring the lady looked around to see that there were hundreds of sets of eyes staring back at her even the screaming toddlers had momentarily stopped screaming and were gping there's nothing to see here announced Auntie flip which made her seem guilty or nutty or even worse both just a kich and a tin pay me no heed Frank snatched the tin from her just stay calm the boy reassured her this is going to be a dodle a dodle I had slept a wink all week flip had spent all morning trimming and styling her hair so it looked as much like her nephews as possible the lady had put on her longest floatiest dress too in the hope that the man would be able to fit into it the plan was that at just the right moment Frank would drop the kich on the floor and then flip and dad would scramble under the table to pick up the pieces while under the table they would swap clothes if all went a plan then Dad would leave prison disguised as Auntie flip and Auntie flip would stay in prison disguised as dad what could possibly go wrong what's in that tin barked the prison guard as the pair entered the visitor's room his name badge read Mr swivel it was hard not to notice him with his bulging glass eyes ey which swiveled in his head as he spoke it's a auntie flip was so nervous she couldn't answer the guard looked at the lady what a c aich Mr swivel sir said Frank opening the tin to prove it people would often try to smuggle things into prison booze mobile telephones weapons and all sorts so everything had to be checked Mr swivel put his nose inside the tin and sniffed the kiche his face turned a shade of green what on Earth is in that thing he demanded pigeon and Plum answered flip proudly replied Mr swivel Move Along Chop Chop the pair shuffled into the visitor's room everything in there was gray gray walls gray furniture gray people dad was sitting on the far side of the room in his gray prison overalls as soon as he saw his son he jumped up out of his chair with tears in his eyes the man looked happy and sad all at once mate he cried Dad exclaimed Frank as he rushed towards the man with his arms wide open they came together in the tightest hug which neither ever wanted to break I'm so so happy to see you mate sniff dad and I'm even happier to see you I've missed you so much then Dad the boy whispered yeah this is all going to seem very strange but you have to trust me I'm going to get you out of here out not too loud dad whispered the boy sorry you need to trust me and do exactly what I tell you Auntie flip had now caught up with the pair and was standing behind Frank good afternoon I have made you a kich she announced rather stiffly oh thank you Auntie flip replied dad with a pained look on his face the man had grown up eating his aunt's awful kiches and was lucky to still be alive let's all sit down and talk shall we said the boy as the prison guard circled keeping an eye on everyone as Mr swivel passed out of earshot Frank whispered in a moment I'm going to drop the keyi on the floor it's going to break you and Auntie flip are going to disappear under the table to pick up the pieces but really you're going to change clothes what replied dad trust me dad then tonight me and you are going to put the money that was stolen back in the bank and get you out of here for good mate dad's eyes lit up you are a genius you take off of your father if you were a genius you wouldn't be in here said Auntie flip unhelpfully the man shot his aunt a look let's not fall out before we've even started said the boy he held the key in his hands now I'm going to drop this in three 2 1 boing it didn't break the kiche bounced Frank caught it on the way back up what what on Earth do you put in these things said dad I don't like to divulge my secret recipes replied his aunt have another go said Dad the boy threw the kiche down on the floor again as hard as he could boing but it bounced right back up and hit the ceiling Splat it's stuck there oh no said Frank the three stared up at it what are we going to do now asked Dad let me climb on your shoulders replied the boy his father quickly hoisted the boy up what are you doing demanded Mr swivel oh the kich slipped out of my hand lied flip and it's stuck on the ceiling said the prison guard well it is Pigeon flavored so maybe it flew up she said Frank peeled the kiche off the ceiling we have it now thank you sir sit down the three of you ordered Mr swivel they did what the prison guard said as soon as his back was turned Frank snapped into action one last go said the boy fingers crossed said Dad the boy slammed the key down as hard as he could on the floor Bo it broke into a 100 pieces whoops I dropped the kich announced the boy to everyone in the visitor's room the two grown-ups slid under the table the game was [Music] on chapter 49 thwack just as the Fearsome prison guard Mr swivel was becoming more and more suspicious as to why these two had been under the table for so long flip slid up onto Dad's chair without her glasses and wearing dad's prison overalls she passed rather well for her nephew next dad slid up onto Flip's chair the boy had to stifle a giggle at the sight of his dad wearing one of Flip's famous floaty dresses the glasses softened his face and from a distance he might just pass as the elderly librarian stop giggling mate his dad you give the game away sorry Dad I think I look rather cool said dad though now I can't see a thing my word these glasses are thick I can't see no either added flip dad looked down at his feet oh no what Dad there was something you forgot my wooden leg the boy looked under the table dad's wooden Foot and Ankle were poking out from the bottom of the dress what's all this Whispering demanded Mr swivel as he twirled his stick nothing Mr swivel said dad in a voice that was a little too high nothing Mr swivel said flip in a voice that was a little too low the boy's eyes glanced down at his father's wooden foot the guard clocked this and his one real eye was drawn down there too lady I don't remember you having a wooden leg when you came in He barked suddenly All Eyes in the visitor's room were on this one group in the corner oh yes Mr swiggle replied dad his voice cracking a little as he tried to sound ladylike solid oak but you've got a wooden leg too snarled the guard his eyes swiveling onto flip yes they run in the family she replied Frank rolled his eyes well Auntie flip we better get going said the boy eager to get out of there before any more suspicion was raised right you are said the lady getting up from her chair I mean this auntie flip here said Frank grabbing his father by the arm oh yes of course said the lady I better be getting back to my prison cell wherever that is stop right there barked Mr swivel let's just check you really are who you say you are stand still let's see if you really do have a wooden leg if you do then this won't hurt at all Auntie flip Stood Still as Frank and his father looked on anxiously Mr swivel swiveled his Bat on before whacking the lady hard on the leg with it Flack to her credit flip did not cry out in pain instead she pursed her lips and heroically held it in it was enough to convince Mr swivel off you go then He barked hauny flip limped off in pain which of course only helped the illusion that her leg was wooden without her glasses she walked straight into a guard oh shilly me she said Frank grabbed his father by the arm and hurried him out of the visitor's room just as they reached the door their path was blocked by a wall of a man o sorry said the boy bumping into him looking up he realized it was someone he knew only too well thumbs [Music] chapter 50 Seven Brothers thums had two fearsome looking boys with him they were the size of children but had the cold hard faces of grown-ups it's you growled thumbs yes it is me replied Frank well I would love to stop for a Nat but we must be going come along Auntie flip he tugged at the sleeve of his father's long flowery dress the two boys growled at Frank and this unusual looking woman and blocked his path sweat steamed up Dad's glasses he was clearly nervous would thumbs recognize him if you'll excuse us please said Frank well bear said thumbs yeah uncle thums they replied in unison this is the boy I was telling you about the one who's racing track you've got Frank face dropped this horrible peir had his favorite toy in the world oh well it's nice to know it went to a good home lied Frank nah we smashed it up said will with a smirk then we ate it added bear well I hope it doesn't make you ill replied Frank in a tone that suggested that was exactly what he wanted then thumbs turned his attention to this unusual lady trying to hide behind Frank who are you He barked oh this is my dad's aunt leapt in Frank Auntie flip you met her in court at my dad's trial remember the man Mountain peered down at the lady you look different that was a few weeks ago I am very slightly older chirped dad putting on his best auntie flip voice we must have all you boys over for a play date soon said Frank and th THS thank you so much for not sticking your thumbs in my ears this time now come along Auntie flip we have to go right now the pair edged around the gang something's not right with that woman growled thumbs she's nearly as ugly as our mom said will no one's that ugly added bear Frank and his father didn't look back they hurried down the corridor as fast as they could dad's wooden leg slowing him down you didn't have a limp last time called thumbs run hissed Frank as soon as they turned a corner he asked Dad do you think thumbs knew it was really you I don't know he's figers two short planks of wood but his six brothers are all banged up in ear so he's got eyes and ears all over the prison AR he flip better watch out thumbs his brothers were spider a tattoo of a spiders web covered his face somehow it must have seemed like a good idea at the time gorilla gorilla never bathed and smelled like an ape his pong was enough to knock a grown man out from a distance of 100 m Brillo soall because every inch of his skin was covered in thick black wiry hair with which he would scratch his victims to death like a giant Brill pad Brillo was father to Will and bear shelf this brother had a giant bottom that stuck out like a shelf it was so big and heavy he could crush his enemies to death just by sitting on them knuckles he wore huge gold rings on every finger which made his punches all the harder warts his face was covered in hundreds and hundreds of warts warts was the good-looking one in the family soon Frank and his father passed through the huge prison Gates we made it said dad just replied Frank but there's no time to lose escaping from prison was the easy part now they had an epic task ahead of [Music] them chapter 51 a graveyard for cars Frank and dad found empty seats at the back of the bus as soon as the boy was sh before no one could hear he began telling his father all about his plan to steal the half a million pound from Mr Big and put it back in the bank was a daring plot when Frank reached the end Dad's face was lit up it's brilliant mate thanks Dad the boy beamed with pride just one problem what we need a set of wheels to carry out this PL of your Queenie we need her now more than ever will she still be in the field where we left her no no no the fuzz will have told her away by now where will she be then they will have sold the old girl off for scrap scrap I know but there's life in the old girl yet I'm just praying we get to her in time me too as soon as we've got home and I've changed out of this dress I don't know dad it kind of Suits You joked Frank very funny mate come on this is asked up the scrapyard was like a graveyard for cars most looked beyond repair with their crushed bonnets missing wheels and bodies brown with rust a huge crane towered overhead picking up cars by their roofs with a giant claw then it hoisted them through the air before dropping them into a giant crushing machine this could squeeze any car however big into a brick the size of a microwave oven finding Queenie among the hundreds of recks was not going to be easy but they desperately needed her the mini had been such a part of Frank and his father's lives for so long that she seemed like a member of the family as they searched the scrapyard the boy called the car's name out loud Queenie she's not a dog but it might just work said dad before joining in Queenie Queenie Queenie as they pce the rows and rows of wrecks Frank noticed many of them were police cars no doubt destroyed by the pair's last Escapade he was too distracted to notice that something strange was going on with the crane it was slowly rumbling closer and closer towards them now dangling right over their heads was a huge old Bentley that must have weighed a ton a shadow fell across them Frank realized it was suddenly colder and darker Dad yeah mate look up at that moment the crane released its claw in the blink of an eye the huge Bentley was falling through the air look out shouted dad as he pushed his son away Boom the Bentley smashed onto the ground trapping dad's leg underneath the man remained remarkably calm dad why aren't you screaming it's my wooden leg that's the one that doesn't hurt I have to get you out using all his strength the boy pulled his father from under the car how is the leg asked Frank dad examined it h few cracks and splinters I can always get another one Frank could feel the air whoosing around them he looked up to see the Crane's claw coming straight for them dad the pair rolled out of the way and the claw dug into the ground poof who is driving that thing asked the boy dad looked up to catch sight of the man in the Crane's cab he knew that devilish smirk anywhere it was fingers thums must have worked it out and told fingers said dad they're on to us let's run said Frank we need to find Queenie first the pair scrambled to their feet and raced off around the corner the Crane's claw swooping down on him there she is claimed Frank he spotted their old girl's Bonnet poking out from a long row of wrecks Queenie did not look her best crumpled from crashing into a tree and with a yellow paint half washed off by the rain the windscreen was smashed the headlamps were cracked and her roof had been bashed in Frank and his father raced towards the old girl it's good to be home said dad as he slid into the driving seat and turned the key that had been left in the ignition the engine roared like old times let's go said dad and the car zoomed off through the scrapyard bang Frank looked up the Crane's claw had smashed through the roof of the car with ease the crane picked up the mini no screamed the boy as the little car swung through the air like a conquer in seconds Frank and dad were dangling over the Crush machine with its terrifying metal mouth gaping wide they could make out fingers in the Crane's cab laughing like a hyena swing forward son shouted dad the pair threw their weight forward just as the claw opened to drop the car hold tight said Dad the car fell through the air screamed the boy [Music] chapter 52 Crusher Queenie landed on the rim of the crusher she wobbled there Frank and his father hanging between life and death swing forward again cried Dad they both swung forward and the car slid off the rim of the crusher and hit the ground th dad then pressed hard on the accelerator but no sooner had Queenie sped forward than the Crane's claw smashed through what was left of the roof Hold on said dad to his son the man did a handbreak turn putting the car into a wild Spin The Claw tore the roof clean off Queeny it was like peeling back a tin of sardines I always wanted Queenie to have a sunroof said dad as the car smashed through a wire fence quack and sped out of the scrapyard Roar still the crane thundered after them its caterpillar tracks worring as it gave Chase ahead was a sign that read low bridge the pair smiled at each other as they raced past it Queenie zoomed under the bridge Frank climbed up out of his seat and looked behind out of the brand new sunroof the crane was way too tall it smashed straight into the bridge doof bricks exploded everywhere Kaboom like a staggering Tyrannosaurus Rex the crane ground to a halt bash in the distance Frank could see fingers leap out of the cab kick the alien crane with his foot and then wince in pain first stop Mr Bigs shouted the boy over the Roar of the min's engine [Music] chapter 53 deep dark dread the pair of Bank un robbers hid Queenie in a hedro before making the final part of the journey to Mr Big's Country House on foot it was late now and all they could hear were their own footsteps echoing on the wet Road Frank felt frightened but didn't want to admit it let me hold your hand Dad I just don't want you to trip over he lied thanks mate replied the man looking scared too pil for house was surrounded by a huge stone wall please can I borrow your leg asked the boy I will need it back yeah yeah of course dad as soon as the man had taken off his wooden leg Frank turned it upside down and used the foot as a hook on the stone wall next he hoisted himself up once he was standing on top of the wall Frank lowered the leg to pull his father up both then leapt into the grand Garden below from that safe distance Frank studied the house if I remember rightly big study must be that room with a huge window there follow me said the boy with confidence just one thing mate yes Dad please can I have my leg back Oops said the boy as soon as dad had reattached it they were on their way it came as no surprise to discover that all the windows and doors to Pila house were locked Mr Big had become rich by stealing from others but no one would be allowed to steal from him locked locked locked curse dad maybe I could borrow your leg again what for this time to break a window suggested the boy that will wake everyone up mate Frank thought for a moment dad bigger's got those two huge cats remember yeah horrible creatures called Ronnie and Reggie so so there must be a cat flap maybe I am small enough to squeeze through it well it's worth a try around the back of the house Frank found the small hatch at the bottom of the kitchen door I'm not sure about this mate said dad there's locks on the inside of all the windows I won't be able to get in you'll be on your own in Big's house it's dangerous I'm not scared lied the boy from out here you can see if any lights come on in the house and warn me all right but how are you going to get into the safe I memorized the tune the butt made when he pressed the code in beep boop bleep boop he thought of everything all right in you go but mate yes Dad be careful the boy nodded and ducked down onto his hands and knees it was a tight squeeze but he just made it through the cat flap flip flap once inside the house a deep dark dread descended upon the boy here he was alone in the dark inside the home of a master criminal about to steal half a million pounds from him it couldn't be more dangerous as he crawled across the kitchen floor Frank could hear snoring the boy glanced over to the basket in the corner Ronnie and Reggie were curled up together sleeping Frank tiptoed past them out into the corridor this was longer than a football pitch with doors dotted along either side which one was the study door suddenly Frank felt sick to his stomach as he realized he didn't have a clue now he had no idea if he had come too far or not far enough Frank tried a few handles and found they were all locked he discovered one that wasn't the boy opened the door as slowly and quietly as he could inside the room Darkness rained save for a DOT of red light the boy felt something stinging his eyes and burning the back of his throat the red light glowed it was the end of a cigar a table lamp flicked on blazing straight into the boy's eyes as he blinked at the brightness a voice said well if it isn't the little thief I've been expecting you it was Mr Big [Music] chapter 54 liar I am impressed young Frank began the master criminal breaking into my house in the dead of night you are a boy after my own heart you need to come and live here with me and your mother I could be the father you never had I could train you up teach you everything I know you could become a master criminal like me one day all this could be yours I don't want it snapped the boy I don't want any of it of course you do chuckled Mr Big this is everyone one's dream just think your own swimming pool servants you can even race my fleet of super cars around the grounds join me said the man as he reached out his hand no never no one says no to Mr Big everything you have is built on hurting others you know what you aren't half the man my dad is is that so Mr Big leaned forward which reminds me where is that pathetic excuse for a human being the boy could just make out his father standing outside the window right behind Mr Big Frank didn't dare let his eyes drift over or he would give the game away he's in prison of course he doesn't know anything about me being here tonight Mr Big chuckled to himself a liar as well as a thief I'm not a liar the man got up out of his seat not that it made much difference to his height he sha a lamp into the boy's face thums takes his nephews to visit his brothers in the Nick says he sees Something Fishy as you're leaving thingers is waiting outside in the motor follows you to the scrapyard there you go to get your crammy little car back why what is your plan my son I am not your son tell me purred big no shouted the boy Mr Big smiled to himself the evil little man was clearly getting a kick out of upsetting the boy like this come on Daddy needs to know what his little thief is up to now you are not and never will be my daddy and I am not a thief exclaimed the boy his eyes stinging with tears if you must know I'm going to steal the money and put it back in the bank Mr Big hooted with laughter we got there finally done said Frank he'd given his master plan away in all my years I've never heard anything so stupid I'm not sure you're all there said the man prodding the boy his head with his short stubby fingers you're not working alone now are you boy for the last time where is that one-legged father of yours Mr Big took a long drag from his cigar and blew the thick black smoke straight into the boy's face Frank coughed and spluttered out of the corner of his eye he could see see his father was taking off his wooden leg I told you I don't know replied Frank Mr Big shook his head slowly he took the cigar out of his mouth and held the red hot glowing end close to the boy's nose I've been nice now it's time to get nasty slowly he moved the cigar closer and closer Frank couldn't help it his eyes flickered over to Dad Mr Big turned around to see the man hopping around outside the window above his head he was brandishing his wooden leg what the exclaimed Mr [Music] Big chapter 55 wrinkly bottom before Mr Big could utter another word dad's false leg crashed down through the window smashed and the wooden foot bashed Mr big hard on the head Bonk The Crime Boss collapsed to the floor out cold thud someone will have heard that said Dad bashing the bits of broken glass out of the window with his fake foot so he could climb through it thanks for saving my skin dad my pleasure I've been wanting to knock out that nasty piece of work for years dad looked down at the little man sprawled on his silk rug now come on mate we don't have much time I'll be as quick as I can the boy rushed to the oil painting of Mr Big hanging on the wall he pulled it to one side to reveal the electronic keypad to the safe beepop Boop he said to himself remembering the noise the buttons made when he'd seen it opened he pressed a few of the numbers as if they were piano keys trying to hear the right notes beep bloop he needed to remember which number made what sound bleep blop just as he felt he was getting closer the door to the study creaked open Chang the elderly Butler entered wearing only a pair of skimpy black Underpants he circled dad and Frank chanting something in Mandarin with his arms outstretched as if about to do kung fu Chang took a few steps backwards to get a run up and then jumped the old man flew through the air with his arms and legs flung Wide Frank ducked out of the way Dad helpfully opened the window and Chang flew right through it whoos landing on the patio outside with a th Frank and his father peered out of the open window at the butler lying face down on the ground he knocked himself out said Dad the skimpy black Underpants had ridden up and now Chang's wrinkly old bottom was pointing in their Direction he needs to buy himself some pajamas muttered Frank before going back to work on the [Music] safe he'd cracked the code the safe door word open yes exclaimed the boy Father and Son stared into the safe for a moment neither said a word there was more money in that little metal box than they could ever dream of there was far too much to count but it was in the millions if not tens of millions why don't we just take the lot asked Dad we could run away buy a big yacht sail round the world forever the thought was tempting the money looked like the answer to everything I don't know Dad replied the boy if we took the lot we'd be as bad as big down there let's take what was robbed from the bank and not a penny more the boy started counting the bundles and putting them in the bin liner they'd brought dad shook his head in disbelief and pleaded with his son can't we just take a tiny bit more for us what kind of dad do you want to be a good dad or a bad dad the man pondered this for a moment moment is there something in the middle no a good dad then I knew it said the boy you go ahead and check the coast is clear Frank did as he was told and poked his head out of the broken window dad what said the man come and see Dad joined him at the window outside on the patio was a figure framed in the broken glass it was Mom and she was holding a [Music] gun chapter 56 mom with a gun don't do anything stupid rer pleaded dad in her hands was a pistol which she pointed straight at him I thought you were rotting away in prison she purred I was replied dad but I am out just for the night Mom approached the broken window and peered inside what have you done to my biggie she demanded on seeing her boyfriend sprued on his silk rug I knocked him out with my wooden leg answered dad I bet you enjoyed that Gilbert she snarled do you know what Rita I did can't believe all those years ago I fell in love with you she said I can believe I was in love with you replied dad but you were different then Rita before Mr Big came along and turned your head with his riches well biggy knows how to treat a lady love isn't measured in gold and diamonds that man down there doesn't love you you're just another one of his possessions mom cocked the pistol ready to fire I had quite enough of listening to you Gilbert now get out my ass but leave the boy with Me Frank felt a wave of panic crash over him living in this huge house with his mom and her boyfriend was the last thing he wanted I know you're angry with me for walking out Frank said Mom but I want you back in my life dad looked to his son what do you want Frank I bet you want to come and live here in this big ass in the lap of luxury with me and Biggie don't you no replied the boy in a Flash instantly the woman crumbled in front of his eyes what do you mean no I'm sorry Mom but I don't want to live here with you not ever all I want is to be with my dad well even though he's got nothing in fact less than nothing she said dad's got everything I need and more replied Frank and he doesn't have to point a gun at anyone to make me love him deep sorrow crept across mom's face and she burst into tears trembling she brought the gun down and sank to her [Laughter] knees I am so so sorry Frank I took a wrong turn in life I made a mistake walking out but I've had to live with it I know I let you down Frank oh I bet you hate my guts the boy stepped through the glass window and joined her on the patio slowly he approached his mother and wrapped his arms around her I don't hate you Mom I love you these three words made her SOB even [Laughter] [Music] more please forgive me Frank she said through tears I should have been a mother to you I've been lost so lost but son I realize now what a fool I've been I love you too I forgive you mom m mom held her son tightly as dad stepped through the broken window to stand beside them after a few moments the boy eased himself away from his mother I'm sorry but me and Dad have to go said Frank mom tried to sniff back the tears where are you two going at this time of night we have to write a wrong Mom a big wrong Mom nodded her head you've always got to write a [Music] wrong chapter 57 fearsome beasts Frank took his mother by the arm it's cold mom let me get you back inside Gilbert watched with pride at his son who despite everything was showing his mother such kindness Frank looked back at her through the broken window there was his mother standing alone in the study in her silk night dress tears running down her face with mascara smudged around her eyes the boy took his father's hand and they stepped off the patio into the garden we have to come back for her said Frank we'll see replied replied dad as the pair reached the stone wall that surrounded Mr Big's house two fearsome beasts jumped down from a tree and landed on their heads they screamed it was Ronnie and Reggie the world's most terrifying big small cats get off screamed dad as Ronnie leapt onto his back digging his sharp claws into his chest help screamed Frank as Reggie leapt onto his head and punched him Square on the nose with his paw Dad I can't pull him off screamed Frank no me said dad as he desperately tried to yank the cat off his back the animal's claws had gone deep into the man's flesh but I know there's one thing cats really hate what asked the boy as Reggie red more blows down upon Him Walter the fountain exclaimed Frank and they ran off in the direction of it oh no exclaimed the boy as they sprinted his bum is in my face keep running said dad as Ronnie bit into his ear with his fangs ouch the pair held hands as they leapt into the fountain instead of being scared by water the two cats turned out to be expert swimmers they dived into the pond and like jet propelled sharks pursued farther and son round and round the fountain jump out shouted dad as the pair scrambled across the gravel Ronnie and Reggie gave Chase in a panic Frank slipped and fell flat on his face Gilbert kneel down to help him up screamed the cats as they leap through the air and landed on Frank and Gilbert's backs they pinned them down sinking their claws deeper and deeper into their flesh ah ah screamed Frank we're done for said dad but then hiss the cats as they were yanked off Father and Son Frank looked up his mother had grabbed both Animals by their tails mom exclaimed the boy I always hated these cats she said then she spun round and round as if she was a champion disco dancer gripping onto a tail in each hand H the cats they didn't like it one bit when she was going so fast that Ronnie and Reggie were just a blur she let go Scream the cats as they sailed through the air Landing with two loud thuds in a distant corner of the garden thank you Rita said Dad h don't worry she she said now go before big wakes up thank you Mom said Frank I'm glad to help you too even just a little bit replied mom be careful we will lied Frank rer came a voice from inside the house go go go she urged in seconds they were gone [Music] Chapter 58 kill two birds with one stone once on the other side of the P for house wall the pair found Queenie slung the money on the back seat and sped off in the direction of the [Music] bank it was well past midnight now and there was no one about Dad stopped the car in a side road opposite the bank and turned off the headlights a couple of months had passed since the robbery and the bank had been repaired how are we going to break in asked Dad I don't think we should blow it up again replied Frank there's no point creating a million pound worth of damage to put half a million pound back in the vault no muttered dad it would be fun though this is the plan I worked out Dad we're going to wait until the first person around arrive for work at the bank and then trick our way in that could be ours no one morning I got up really early and sneaked out of Auntie Flip's house to watch the bank the bank manager arrives each morning at dawn good work let just sit tight until then and we can trick our way in at that moment the crane from the scrapyard trundled around the corner fingers was once again at the controls it stopped right outside the bank and fingers jumped to the ground behind it was one of Mr Big's rolls-royces thumb stepped out of the fancy car and open the door for his boss Mr Big emerged nursing his battered head with a bag of ice those two rats are in there somewhere I know it he said to his henchmen they are putting my hard stolen money back in a bank disgusting said thums it's just not right added fingers let's sneak out of the car before they spot us whispered dad the pair slid down from their seats and crawled along the street on their hands and knees taking the bin liner full of money with them they found a hiding place behind a post box look Governor is a many just like this announced thumbs it is there many said fingers well done FS you get a gold star Mr Big crossed the road his silk dressing gown blowing in the wind he peered into Queenie through the large hole in her roof they're not in the car so I was right they must be inside the bank already he said Mr Big crossed back over the road and rattled the doors to the bank clever they must have barricaded themselves in fingers do your worst right away Governor replied fingles with a grin a little demolition job yes we can kill two birds with one stone I don't think there are any birds we need to kill Governor said thumbs I'll do shut up or I'll order you to punch yourself fingers drove the crane towards the mini its thick metal arm swung through the air and its claw picked up Queenie with ease then the arm swung again and the little car reeled towards the bank Frank held tightly onto his dad's arm the man closed his eyes he couldn't watch what was about to happen crash Queenie smashed through the entrance to the bank Boom the doors and windows burst onto the street cck the banks alarm blared ring the crane swung back to reveal a crumpled mess that used to be Queeny the whole front end of the car had been destroyed the grill had dropped off the Bonnet had been bashed and the front wheels were dangling by a thread no whispered dad the poor man had tears in his eyes I'm so sorry Dad whispered the boy he put his arm around his father I know you loved her farewell your majesty said Dad finish her off ordered Mr Big yes sir replied fingers he pulled a lever on the crane and hoisted the car as high as it would go it swayed in the wind for a few moments then the claw opened and the mini fell through the air whiz in a second it hit the road the train then surged forward and crushed what was left of the car under its caterpillar tracks C Queenie had been a member of the family for as long as Frank could remember now she was nothing more than a flattened mess of metal that's their getaway car knacked Governor said fingers with a wicked grin good work fingers now I want my money back let's get in there and stop the those two rats before the filth arrive ordered Mr Big and he followed his henchmen inside the bank what are we going to do mate asked Dad kill two birds with one stone replied the boy father gave son a puzzled look you'll see said Frank pulling his dad along [Music] chapter 59 overcooked sausages without realizing it Mr Big and his goon squad were doing most of the hard work for Frank and Dad Father and Son were now able to W straight into the bank the only trouble was that the alarm had been set off and the police were sure to arrive in moments working fast they followed the path of Destruction left by the three criminals down to the bank's Vault doors had been smashed off hinges glass broken and electronic keypads bashed in Frank and his father were rocked by an explosion debris fell from the ceiling a cloud of black smoke filled the air and any windows that hadn't already been broken exploded spraying bullets of glass everywhere the pair covered their faces with their hands are you all right mate spluttered dad as he gasp the air fine I think let's carry on together they stumbled forward and stopped at the top of a spiral staircase The Vault must be down in the basement whispered dad the pair tiptoed down the stairs the smoke cleared to reveal an amusing sight the criminal gang had clearly used far too much Dynamite to blow the lock on the door to the Vault all three were singed burnt black with smoke snaking off them Mr big fingers and thumbs looked like three sausages that had been overcooked on a barbecue there they are said fingers pointing with his long thin charred finger thumbs looked mightily confused but we thought you were in the vault already well you were wrong we were out there the whole time said Frank with a grin oh replied the henchman bowing his head Mr Big rocked uneasily on his slippers from the look on his face he loathed being outsmarted like this actually you two have fallen straight into my trap how is that name biggie asked Dad well um because uh well the man stumbled because now we are going to steal back the money from you that we stole from the bank and steal some more and you two idiots are going to get the blame fingers thumbs take it all every last penny me bag's got a hole in it now said thumbs mine's got two added fingers just like their clothes the dynamite had taken its toll on the bags M them stuff your pockets ordered Mr Big The Two henchmen examined what was left of their coats not got any Pockets no more replied thumbs I've got one Governor said fingers oh no sorry it's got a hole in it he added wiggling one of his fingers through to demonstrate you can borrow our bag said Frank but that's got half a million quid in it mate his dad out of the corner of his mouth so only his son could hear bring it to me boy or big the boy took a few Paces forward and handed the bag to Mr Big The Little Man looked inside and his face lit up ah my babies oh how I missed you he said before passing the bin liner to fingers then the two henchmen disappeared inside the Vault and began stuffing the bag with wad after wad of money Frank peered into the Vault to get a better look look at all that lovely money boy said big more money than you could ever earn in a lifetime just there for the taking the boy's eyes widened I know you're tempted boy look at it can give you anything you want anything Frank stared at it mesmerized it's beautiful it is replied Mr Big egging the boy on money is the most beautiful thing in the world I love it said Frank it was as if his eyes had lit up with gold I love love love it but my pleaded dad think what are you doing come with me boy continued Mr Big He stretched out his hand towards the boy take your rightful place at my side I can be the father you nevere join me together we can rule the world Frank took a deep breath I would like that he said I would like that very much Poor Dad had tears in his eyes mate no I'm so pleased you you've come round in my way of thinking boy said Mr Big shooting a smug look at Gilbert let's start right now said Frank he took Mr Big's hand and led the man into the Vault May screamed dad as if in a trance the boy kept going further and further inside Mr Big turned back to Gilbert and SM worked you've lost Little [Music] Man chapter 60 Fury as big and his goons busied themselves greedily stuffing the bag full of more and more money the boy slowly backed out of the Vault once he'd passed the thick metal door he whispered dad I tricked them help me clever boy the Boy began pushing the door shut dad rushed to help and together they used all their strength to try and close it inside the Vault big looked up get the door he shouted and he and his gang ran towards it they smashed their shoulders up against the door pushing with all their might desperate not to be trapped inside I knew you wouldn't let me down said dad never replied the boy as they both strained against the door Mr Big just managed to squeeze his face through the tiny Gap you were no match for me Gilbert said the man I pity you no wife no money no leg the plan was for you to die in that little racing accident you made that happen said Dad shaking with Fury I wanted Rita and I wanted you out of the way forever I will be trapped your engine shouted fingers and I cut your brakes scream thumbs but your plan didn't work did it replied dad defiantly because I'm still here you are right agreed Mr big but you know what I think I prefer you crippled that way I've had the pleasure of watching you suffer all these years not anymore yelled dad now it's your turn to suffer shouted Frank the anger made the pair strong together they just managed to push the three back and slam the vault door behind them but they couldn't lock it Dar said Dad look they' blown the bolt on the door we need to jam them in some now said Frank let's put that thing to one final good use what thing that leg of yours I can't leave it here Dad we have no choice reluctantly the man whipped his wooden leg off and together they slid it into place the door was blocked faintly they could hear the three criminals pounding on the other side pathetically pleading for Mercy we can make a deal it was all fingers's idea times made me do it Frank and his father looked at each other and smiled see Dad we killed two birds with one stone we put the money back and trapped the real criminals in there at the same time you mate are a genius exclaimed Dad thank you Dad the police will find him in no time at all in fact we need to get out of here now without needing to say another word he put his arm over his son's shoulders for support Frank helped his dad hop up the spiral staircase as they reached the entrance to the bank Dawn was breaking in the distance they could hear police sirens wailing they rushed the other way down the street right now back to prison for you Dad said Frank [Music] chapter 61 the noise the people once dad had hopped all the way home he changed himself back into Auntie Flip's long flowery dress without his wooden leg the man was struggling to get around so Frank hurriedly improvised a new one from an old plastic mop in the kitchen the p jumped on the bus to take them to wrong foot prison at the far side of the Town it wasn't visiting day until next week so they were going to have to blag their way in somehow Frank's idea was that they should say they had some upsetting news to tell Gilbert goody the pair would make up a distant relative a cousin or uncle or someone and say that they died and had to tell the boy's father in person who goes there barked Mr swivel through a tiny hatch at the huge huge metal front door of wrong fooot prison Gilbert goody is my father and I have some very sad news for him blobbed Frank he'd made himself Cry by hiding a raw onion in a tissue and dabbing his eyes with it Dad dressed as Auntie flip put a comforting arm around the boy's shoulder oh it's you exclaimed swivel you were here ear yesterday we are close to visitors for another week what is this sad news exactly demanded the prison guard it better be really really really gut-wrenchingly sad I don't know how to say this without breaking down but began Frank get on with it boy ordered Mr swivel his uncle Keith has passed away blobbed dad dead asked Mr swivel yes replied dad completely dead yes 100% completely utterly never going to be alive again dead I'll tell him snapped Mr swivel with that he slid the metal hatch shut Frank and his dad looked at each other in panic this was not part of the plan we need to tell Gilbert face to face shouted dad through the prison door why shouted Mr swivel from the other side uh because we wouldn't want you to spoil the surprise replied Frank dad looked at his son as if to say what are you on about surprise said swivel yes he always hated Uncle Keith replied Frank there was the sound of keys jangling and then the huge metal door slid open You've Got 2 minutes I've got my eye on you said the prison guard though he didn't state which I the real one or the glass one Mr swivel took the two up to a little gray room and told them to wait moments later he led in Auntie flip dressed as Dad the poor woman looked completely frazzled after her night in the cells they've got some news for you barked the prison guard your uncle Keith has snuffed it who replied Auntie flip you know Uncle Keith continued dad winking at the lady and hoping she might realize this was a scam your uncle who you knew very well oh Old Uncle Keith yes of course I remember exclaimed Auntie flip how is he dead replied Frank dead no [Laughter] no screamed the lady and she burst into a fountain of Tears the prison guard observed all this like a hawk a oneeyed hawk you said your father always hated uncle Keith said Mr swivel yes well hate is a strong word yes but you always disliked him dad remember prompted the boy the lady eventually got the hint and began hooting with fake laughter uncle Keith has kicked the bucket yippe Mr swivel shook his head mightily confused by this bizarre family right get out of my prison you two weirdos He barked could we have a moment to grieve as a family in peace Mr swivel pleaded dad as Auntie flip grieve asked Mr swivel I mean celebrate said Dad the prison guard side all right all right you have one minute and not a second more He barked slamming the door behind him we better swap closeth quickly said Dad yes I can't wait to get out of here replied the lady did you not enjoy your night in prison Auntie flip asked the boy the lady looked at Frank as if he was Stark raving mad the noise the people she exclaimed I had to share a cell with these six brutes who were brothers I couldn't sleep a wink they were all staring at me I thought they were on to me that they might do me in during the night but I began reciting some of my poetry about the joys of garden centers to them and that sent them all off to sleep in an instant I bet murmured Frank under his breath now boy close your eyes while we get changed Frank did what he was told in a few moments anti flip announced right you can open them again Frank opened his eyes relieved to see that Dad was back to being dad and Auntie flip was back to being Auntie flip I am me again thank the Lord said the lady lifting her hands in prayer at that moment Mr swivel marched back into the room right that's quite enough crying or laughing or whatever bizarre thing you do in this family when someone snuffed it you too out Auntie flip and Frank were LED out of the room as he reached the door the boy looked over his shoulder and smiled at his father out barked Mr swivel [Music] chapter 62 gotcha gangster reluctantly Frank had to leave his father in prison as he and Auntie flip returned to her house the boy was sure it would only be a matter of time until the news came out of what had happened at the bank sure enough a visit to Raj's shop the next morning brought good news Frank have you seen the morning papers look the police have finally arrested that nasty gang who have been terrorizing this town for years let me see Raj the boy hungrily read the headlines king of crime arrested at last got you Gangsta robbery of the century goes wrong mystery surrounds trapping of crime gang in Vault police Say gang could be behind string of robberies Mr Big in court today they have to let my dad out of prison now exclaimed the boy why asked Raj these men must be the real baddies the news agent pondered this for a moment well your father couldn't have been part of last night's bank robbery as he has the perfect Alibi he was in prison the whole time of of course exclaimed the boy not wishing to give the game away and the money that was stolen from the robbery before got put back in the vault anyway this stopped Raj in his tracks how do you know that what asked Frank how did you know that I read all the newspapers not one of them said that the boy became flustered I I uh well um I Raj's eyes widened young man you are not telling me that you had something to do with all this Frank thought it better to keep his master plan secret Raj I have to go where Court I have to try and get my dad out of prison this I have to see replied the news agent and the pair dashed out of the shop [Music] chapter 63 rotten fruit that afternoon Auntie flip and Frank weaved their way through the huge crowds outside the court and just managed to find two seats upstairs in the gallery it was jammed full of people desperate to see Mr Big and his henchmen finally in the dock there were rows of journalists clutching their notebooks and pencils eager to write down every detail of the trial to Splash over tomorrow's front pages however they were outnumbered by some of the towns folk whom the criminal gang had terrorized over the years all chattering to each other excitedly at last they got the little bully I hope that nasty so and so gets sent away forever the two hyenas of his are just as bad Whoever has done this deserves a medal this is the best I to has seen in years Auntie flip and Frank listened and shared a secret smile everyone in the courtroom stood as judge pillar shuffled in he took his place on his throne and banged his gavl on his desk bring in the accused Mr big fingers and thumbs were all all LED in by policemen their hands were cuffed and they were still wearing their charred clothes from the night before on seeing them the court erupted the town's folk had been concealing rotten fruit under their coats and Hur it at the three criminals take that shouted the old lady from the church with the hearing aid as she threw a watermelon it burst on Mr Big's head spraying watermelon juice everywhere a tiny man in a neck brace threw a pineapple which hit thumbs on the nose ow shouted the henchman get a taste of your own medicine yelled the tiny man as cheers erupted in the court [Music] hooray hooray woohoo if fingers was feeling smug to be the only one not to have been hit that was soon to change a lady in a wheelchair pulled out a catapult and fired a bag of tomatoes at the man one by one they exploded onto finger's face Goa Goa Goa shouted the lady stop yelled fingers through his tears the judge who'd been transfixed by what was going on finally reached for his gavel order order calm was restored to the court there will be no more throwing of rotten fruit in my courtroom he ordered someone just threw some some [ __ ] they're vegetables aren't they ass thumbs no tomato are fruit huffed fingers wiping tomato juice off his face I'm pretty sure they're vegetables no tomato are fruit you ignoramus are they thumbs asked the court yes shouted everyone oh you learn something new every day Muse thumbs now will the accused please said the judge just then an egg whs through the air and burst on Mr Big's nose ow screamed the Crime Boss who threw that demanded the judge no one spoke up I said who threw that again no one said a thing this trial will not begin and we'll all have to stay behind until the person who threw that egg owns up eventually Reverend Judith put her hand up you vica exclaimed the judge sorry your honor replied the vicar but you said no more throwing rotten fruit I assumed a rotten egg was fine gales of laughter filled the courtroom excuse me please I brought along a rotten cabbage piped up Raj that is a vegetable is it all right if I throw that Mr judge sir no bellowed the judge no throwing of any food stuff understood if anyone wants to buy a rotten cabbage from me I will take anything upwards of one p silence sh shushed Raj to all those around him though he was the only one who'd been talking will the accused please stand ordered the judge the three stood Mr Big I said please stand the little man scowled I am standing your Holiness I'm terribly sorry replied the judge now you three are charged with robbing a bank how do you plead guilty or not guilty thumbs popped his hand up um what do you say when you've done it but you don't want anyone to know you've done it not guilty replied the judge not guilty then said thumbs Mr Big and fingers looked at him he had dropped them all right in [Music] it chapter 64 the truth needless to say it didn't take long for the jury to reach their verdict guilty called the jury's Foreman I sentence you all to life in prison announced the judge banging his G the crowd gathered in the courtroom erupted into cheers [Music] [Applause] hey woohoo a rotten cabbage flew through the air and hit Mr Big on the chin o shouted the man sorry my hand slipped called out Raj take them down ordered the judge the three glared at Frank as they were LED away your daddy is going to get it shouted Mr Big who are you talking about demanded judge pillar if I may your honor asked Frank politely putting his hand up to speak Mr big is talking about my father Mr Gilbert goodie you sentenced him to 10 years in prison for the first robbery on the bank a robbery these men made him commit did they yes your honor they threatened to hurt me his son if he refused to drive the getaway car there were booze from the courtroom and cries of sh the judge banged his gavel on the desk silence where is your father in prison your honor replied Frank oh yes of course silly me said the judge then he called out to one of his clerks bring Gilbert goodier to this court at once within the hour dad had been taken out of wrongo prison and rushed to the court in the back of a prison van now he was sitting in the dock where the three gang members had been earlier Mr Goody it has been proved that you drove the getaway car in the first robbery began the judge that is correct your honor replied dad but your son tells us that Mr Big and his gang threatened to hurt him unless you played your part he spoke the truth sir and my boy is the most precious thing in the world to me he is all I've got dad smiled over to his son in the gallery and it's clear you played no part at all in the second robbery no part at all how could I your honor I was locked up in prison on this point I would like to call a guard at wrong foot prison to give evidence Fitch Mr swivel shouted one of the Clarks the door swung open and Mr swivel took to the stand yes I can confirm that Mr goodier was in prison the whole time your honor said the prison guard nothing and nobody gets past me thank you Mr swivel replied the judge well Mr Goody the money from the first bank robbery in which you were forced to play a part has been returned and it is clear there is no way you could have been involved in the second robbery as you were in wrong foot prison at the time so I have some good news for you Mr Goody dad and Frank's eyes met across the courtroom the plan had worked a treat but before the judge could finish Sergeant scoff waled into the courtroom with a long package under his arm well well well announced the policeman Gilbert goody seems to have fooled you all good and proper let's not let this man hop free just yet said scoff with a grin clearly delighted with his pun he did take part in the robbery last night and I can prove it how um he left something at the crime scene what I don't know if he was drunk but he was clearly legless dad began fidgeting nervously in his chair Frank could hardly breathe this was agonizing what on Earth are you on about you strange little man demanded the judge his fatal mistake is going to cost him an arm and a leg well at least a leg will you shut up ordered the judge no I will not shut up up because the man you may be about to Pardon left this at the scene of the crime with that scoff unwrapped the package and held dad's wooden leg a loft everyone in the courtroom was shocked dad was done [Music] for chapter 65 Frank takes to the stage if I may say a few words on behalf of my father your honor said Frank this is highly regular young man replied the judge I know I'm just a kid but I think I have something very important to say cries of support came from the crowd of onlookers in the court let the boy speak give him a chance let's hear what he has to say this is better than the TV hey can you all hold on for a moment I need a pee the judge caved in yes yes all right then Child come to the dock and you can say your peace but please be brief thank you your honor said the boy before racing down the staircase once he'd taken up his position next to his father he began to explain when my father was sentenc to 10 years in prison for a bank robbery you your honor labeled him a bad dad dad would a bad dad want to put food on the table for his son would a bad dad want to scrape some money together to buy his son a present for Christmas would a bad dad want to make sure his son didn't have to go to school in shoes that were falling apart the courtroom fell silent no that is not a bad dad my father has brought me up on his own after my mom walked out he was forced into being the getaway driver for the first bank robbery dad had borrowed money because because he had no choice Mr Big and his gang threaten to hurt me if he didn't pay back a hundred times what he had borrowed he couldn't my father had to do what this evil gang told him Raj was balling his eyes [Music] out and blowing his nose l loudly on a tissue making a noise like an elephant if myself and the jury had known all this the outcome of the first trial might have been different said the judge very different thank you your honor but my dad didn't squeal on Mr Big and his gang because they said they would hurt me if he did there's a father myself and a grandfather I am shocked and horrified replied judge pillar once he was sent to prison I made a plan for him to escape for just one night I thought being locked up would be the perfect Alibi together we returned all the money that was stolen to the bank every last penny Mr swivels eye is swiveled in his head this could not be true when we went to put the money back Mr Big and his henchman follow Lo us to the bank so we did something the police at this town could never do we caught this gang of criminals red-handed All Eyes turned to Sergeant scoff who looked as if he wished the ground would swallow him up that leg that Sergeant scoff is waving around was used to shut Mr Big and his henchmen in the Vault of the bank my father sacrificed his own leg well his wooden one so these criminals who have terrorized this town for so long could be brought to Justice he had to hop all the way home this caused a ripple of sympathy oh that terrible right now he's being held up by nothing more than an old plastic mop dad rolled up his trouser leg to reveal the rather sorry looking mop this caused a tidal wave of sympathy dear dear dear dear dear Reverend Judith and Auntie flip were both in bits the two ladies were now sitting next to each other and sharing a lace handkerchief they looked a little surprised to find that without thinking they'd wrapped their arms around each other so this isn't a bad dad this is a good dad a really good dad in fact he's the best dad in the world and I'm proud to call him my dad Frank looked at his father from across the courtroom both had tears in their eyes as hard as it was for the boy to find the words it was harder still for his father to listen to them people so rarely ever say what they really truly feel in their heart All Eyes turned to judge pillar I have listened with great interest to what you have had to say nothing can escape the the fact that your father did drive the getaway car in a bank robbery however there are circumstances of which the court was unaware at the first trial circumstances that shine a whole new light on this case your father has served two months in prison that is quite enough today the court is giving him a full pardon From This Moment he is a free man the court erupted into wild Applause and cheers go go the sergeant scoff stamped his foot and stormed out dad opened his arms and Frank ran towards him the man scooped the boy up in his arms and spun him round Dad held on to his son tightly I love you mate he whispered into Frank's ear and I love [Music] you chapter 66 not a seat in the house I love you and I love you it was 6 months later and Frank and his father were sitting in church listening to two other people say those three words to each other it was the marriage of reverent Judith and Auntie flip the happy couple looked into each other's eyes and kissed my first kiss exclaimed Auntie flip the wedding guests all clapped and cheered finally the town's church was full of people Raj was in the front row boiling his eyes out [Applause] again the church roof was leaking again too rainwater dripped onto the two Brides though it didn't dampen their Spirits both ladies were smiling like never before I have written a poem announced Auntie flip oh no said Frank under his breath it's called My Lovely Judah I was always very prudish until I met Judith it's all been a surprise she has opened my eyes to a world of love I feel like a dove not a magician's one hidden up a sleeve no one that is floating on the breeze soaring happy and free for all the world to see the wedding guests all erupted into wild Applause that wasn't bad said dad I take it back said Frank Auntie flip looked overwhelmed by the reaction of the crowd thank you thank you I've written 17 more she said let's save them for another day jumped in Judith the vicer smiled at her new bride now as you can see the church roof is still in dire need of repair so no wedding gifts please instead we're going to have a collection now for the church roof so if you have any Loose Change please pop it on the tray when it comes round thank you have you got any money on you dad asked Frank the man rolled up his trousers to reveal his falce leg dad what are you doing you'll see he slid back a block of wood to reveal a secret compartment in his leg it was stuff full of crisp 50b notes where did you get those from asked the boy miss the big safe of course but you said I know mate I'm sorry I took a wad out of the safe when you weren't looking hid it in me leg there's enough there to repair the church roof and of course a tiny bit left over for us bad dad joked Frank good dad replied dad pass it here Dad did so and Frank looked at the stack of 50 notes in his hand the money wasn't beautiful it was ugly or at least it made people do ugly things as the tray came round to their row Frank plunked the whole lot down and passed it on mate exclaimed dad what are you doing we don't need it Dad it only brought trouble but no butt it's not going to make us happy I guess you're right mate agreed dad as he watched the tray disappear out of sight with longing in his eyes the bells rang out for the end of the wedding service when the guests exited the church Frank was astonished to see that a mini with a Union Jack emblazened on it was waiting for them Queenie asked Frank it can't be she was flattened by the crane it's Queenie II replied dad I salvaged everything I could and added some bits from the scrapyard her heart is still the same though why didn't you tell me I wanted to keep it a surprise for the newlyweds oh thank you so much Gilbert exclaimed Reverend Judith what a super way to drive to the seaside honeymoon thank you thank you thank you added Auntie flip it almost makes up for me having to spend a night in prison for you sorry about that said Frank so who wants to drive asked Dad dangling the car keys I'll drive said Auntie flip no no I'll drive said Reverend Judith they're having their first argument as a married couple observed Raj as he threw what looked like confetti over them that didn't take long Auntie flip picked the pieces out of her hair what is this stuff Raj oh I had some mini marshmallows that were well past their cell by dat so I thought I would use them instead thank you Raj replied Reverend Judith with a hint of sarcasm as she tried to pick the gloopy balls out of her hair we can eat those later I wouldn't said the news agent they were going moldy ew the crowd waved as the car zoomed off down the street careful I need her back in one piece shouted Dad after them you aren't going to race her again asked Frank no you are mate me yeah if you want to you are a ruddy good driver already thanks Dad and I can teach you everything I know the boys smiled we make a good team Dad we certainly do mate the pair walked away from the church your mother sent me a letter began dad oh yes replied the boy she wants to pop over to the flat next week just for a cup of tea see how you are what do you think Frank pondered this yes a cup of tea I think that's a good start a fresh start replied dad we'll have to ask her to bring a tea bag though joked Frank and some milk and sugar and hot water apart from that we've got everything we need to make the perfect cup of [Music] tea chapter 67 wish as Frank and his father crossed the park on their way back to their block of flats they passed the wishing well Dad searched deep in his trouser pockets for a coin he found a penny this is all I've got mate said dad do you want to make a wish like old times he held out his hand for his son to take the coin Frank looked at it I don't need to make a wish why I've got nothing left to wish for All I Ever Wanted all I ever needed was you my dad you are my best mate son and you are my best mate dad always and forever now come on where are we going rajes exclaimed the boy we have a whole one peie to Splash out with you better not spend it all at once the pair of best friends shared a smile and walked off together with their arms round each other in a very special Huggle they may have only had one pence to spend but their hearts beamed with gold [Music] that was bad dad by David Williams read by David Williams Peter sanovich Sarah Alexander Joselyn G Essen and nit in GATRA music was by Mark Morris it was produced by ID audio for Harper audio copyright Harper audio 2017 [Music]