Nikki Glaser on Following Taylor Swift Around Europe, People Trolling Her & Becoming a Musician

our first guest tonight is a funny and talented comedian tickets for her alive and unwell tour are available at Nikki Glazer docomo welcome Nikki [Applause] Glazer thank you so much for doing this you so good at this what never you the whole point to where I'm supposed to sit well as if there was anywhere else but it's it you're great even backstage they were just like isn't he killing it Josh the ad just said isn't he effing killing it they always say that they always say that it's hard isn't this hard I did it twice how was it it's hard it's harder than it looks and it's it's much smaller than it looks right the paycheck um well I mean the paycheck's small but I can't believe they give you a car after you do this oh oh you didn't no it must have gotten lost in the got AIA Sportage for doing this it's used not a second that's what comedians should always drive keeps us grounded the funniest car yeah yeah it's the funniest car thanks so much for doing this for my God you just um you just got back from Europe yesterday yeah yesterday it's yeah jet leg's a choice so I uh was in Europe that's uh I was there um I was on break from tour and um I was seeing Taylor Swift that's what I do that's my free time I was following Taylor Swift around Europe there's nothing to do in Europe I saw five shows in 10 days you saw five yeah so do you you went to Europe to see Taylor Swift to see her Europe was just like oh they happened to be there while she was there but it was mainly about her I'm um I'm a huge Swifty and that's what I do with my free time like I when I have weekends off from my own tour I fly to go see her like I make efforts I'm like a you know a divorced dad doing his best to see his daugh you know like I make an effort I I'll fly in and see you um she has no idea who I am but I'm just the biggest fan no I mean I'm sure she's probably aware of me because I talk about her all the time but I um I wouldn't be so sure she's very famous um you may not know um I I'm just being serious um I actually you know I'm a Swifty too I yeah I went once like a normal person and that's me look at you I I absolutely love the show and the vibe is so good I get I get why you go um I can't stop I've seen her 17 times in 15 months and I have I I know I know I I'm addicted it just um it gives me a surge of dopamine that I can't describe so it's kind of for me either that or cocaine and and luckily I can afford both so I do congratulations it's crazy I mean I I know it's excessive and I really just don't know how to explain it other than I was when it the tour is first announced I was like I want to go to every show but of course I was like oh you can't that's just too much it'll look weird and then I remember I was going to go to like two or three and then my boyfriend was like you love her so much you work so hard uh you know I expect you you should go to every show you can go to and and so I did and it turned out he was cheating on me so he kind of wanted me out of town I get it but having if my girlfriend saw Taylor swi 17 times in 15 months I'd have a couple questions too well having a boyfriend who doesn't love you makes her music sound all all the better so I think that's right no not a current well it's clear it's also like a really long show it is it's it's like almost sometimes four hours long and I pride myself on uh the fact that I have never once gone to the bathroom during a single show I saw what do you what does that mean in a toilet I wear a diaper and so I no I really I hold it it I don't constantly pooping at every show yeah but my my diaper the cocaine too so what what is your strategy for making sure you don't I for whatever reason my body is just like you're not going to do that like right now like it's probably what her body does during it I don't think she has time to go so I kind of like I I set my rhythms to her okay I don't need to say that your yours and Taylor's poop Cycles are sick I wish wish I could only wish yeah it's so if it's 17 shows yeah that's how many hours have you spent that's 60 hours hours that I have watched her and it's it's never it's never a dull moment it really feels like I just I want to keep I'm going to go to more I mean this number is going to keep going up because at some point there's going to be a moment where you're like all right that was one too many I thought it might happen but it hasn't yet with seven and I I just feel like this is a time where I just have to see someone who is one of the best performers who's ever lived it to me it's like the Beatles And I think I'm going to be a person someday that everyone's going to go like you saw the beetle like you saw the Beatles live so I want to just see it as much as possible it's the thing that makes me happiest in the world and and the Beatles comparison sometimes upsets people um especially my dad is like a huge Beatles fan and so he's always like kind of like oh it's not the same she's not the same as the Beatles but then I took him to an aist tour in Europe and I I have a clip of his reaction while he was there you want to show [Applause] it crying like a baby was that his first was that his first Taylor Swift show yeah that was and he was so moved and I I've never seen him cry like that it was you've never seen your dad cry like how does that let's talk about that yeah well that's why I'm a comedian yeah totally if our dads cried we wouldn't be here exactly we don't know how to emote so he it really is genuinely such a lovely show um I get why he he was crying it was it was it was happy and also I can't believe and his daughter is dressed like a 14-year-old and so that was probably emotional for him too that see that she hasn't grown up at all well here's interesting thing you have seen 60 hours of the show so they did some research and found out in that time you could have gotten a helicopter pilot's license who needs one watched all five seasons of Breaking Bad okay I do need to do that at some point oh yeah I haven't seen it it's a great show I know I've heard but I I don't like violence and you can poop during it get CPR certification 30 times you could have saved so many lives but this is good too this is good good too yeah do you find yourself having to like justify to people why you like have yeah I mean it's just it's it's a thing that a lot of people obviously can't afford and it's like oh your privileg is showing if you post about I didn't really post about it at first because I was when I did like even going twice people are like must be nice I get those kind of comments and it's like it was like it was so nice I was CR row I could see your arm hair it was amazing but it's always from like and I understand that like I get jealous of people online too and and go like why do they get to do that thing I I get it but I chose to spend my money on this instead of kids like I don't have kids and kids are so expensive I've looked up the number when I decided not to have kids Camille I was like I just want to know what I'm saving and like from the age of Zer to 18 it's a it's about a million dollars for a k million and most of that is um fortnite in app purchases and so I was like I'm going to go see Taylor Swift as much as I can cuz I live a modest life like I don't have a house I drive a 20-year-old car a McGuire it's I buy my bras at Target I mean I don't really I I I I live modestly so this is really what I spend my money on yeah you don't have a house and you seen Taylor Swift 17 times do you have a business manager um well we'll be right back more with Nikki Glazer right after this welcome back I'm here with Nikki Glazer yes okay that what we heard that was not t Swift no that was Nikki Glazer that was me you made a song I made a song it's called someday you'll die it's about Joe Biden and it's um I what's happening I haven't been listening to the news please go into detail uh it's I wrote a song I had I I had a a special on HBO that or on Max I'm sorry uh that's out now it's called someday you'll die and um we were like editing it and like oh what song do you want to use for the credits and I it's like a lot of money to buy a song and we were way over budget and you spent all your money on Taylor Swift exactly so I was like I'll write a song and it ended up being really good and it's available wherever you want to stream songs it's called someday you'll die and I just I love I love performing music like I love doing stand up comedy but like perform music is what I really want to do like wait really so you have you're a tremendously successful standup but you're like I want to I don't care I want to do the other thing I want to do them both but like I really Camille I've always wanted to be a singer songwriter and it was like I just got some bad uh advice early on when I was trying to be a singer like in high school I had a music teacher that told my mom like she doesn't have it and uh that's not advice I know well that's that's called an insult N I think she was talking about I didn't have it like the payment for the lesson maybe but uh you know it only takes one person to be like you've got it and then you're like I have it so it takes one person to be like you don't have it to make you just discouraged and so I didn't realize like learning how to sing and write songs it's not something that's just like you're born with it's something you got to like work at so I started over Co just playing guitar and learning how to sing you started learning guitar over Co yeah and I've always sang but I was like oh I can like this is your voice is an instrument you can learn how to sing better and I have and and so I wrote this song and I love it and I love performing like when I go to Taylor Swift concerts I think that's why I like Taylor Swift concerts because I sing like I'm like perform I get to like perform I'm not doing it for anyone for it's for myself but I some a fan found me in the stands at a concert two days ago of me and my mom and you'll see what I'm talking about of how I like to [Music] [Music] perform that's I know that's annoying but I I just have fun I love I think that's a amazing I love seeing that passion I noticed something in that clip can we go back can we see this guy bottom what's he he he thought this was going to be the [Laughter] eagle he's like Don Henley looks great that's amazing and um I want to show this so your mom there who's singing from this is the picture of you yeah new mom and if you notice shirt the shirt my boyfriend made this for my mom it says Taylor Swift but it's all pictures of me I'm going to get sued that's so sweet yeah so cute but yeah it's like I just I don't know make have you ever desired to like do other things than then I mean obviously uh than comedy like you wrote a movie that was very touching don't you want to like touch people in a way like comedy's so it's not I want to touch people yeah you've always touched them I remember from the age of 11 or 12 of them wanted to touch people my parents are going to watch this what am I doing it's okay no I I do I really when I was a little kid I wanted to be an artist and I worked really really really hard at it and there was a teacher who really encouraged me but I was very bad and one time she saw what I had made next to like the girl I had a huge crush on and they both laughed and they didn't mean to it was so natural and I haven't drawn since then and I it's is that true it's 100% true no you would be so good but like look what we got out of you now though because of that like it all worked out than that's so everyone be nice to kids you're so wonderful thank you yeah totally like it just takes one person to be like you've got it like honestly I think I do standup comedy because I did it one time and one person after the show was like you've got it and that's all I needed to go I'm going to keep going like I Pro I kind of sucked the first time I did it everyone does and so it's just a lesson to to me I just encourage uh my niece and nephew are terrible at everything they do and I go no you're amazing at this because I want them to believe in themselves what if what if the watch this Nikki oh oh I forgot about that well but you also need the spite as an engine I think that's a good engine yes that's a good point that's true what you're saying cuz there was one person my I had a philosophy adviser who recently passed away and she was the one who was like you have to be a comedian otherwise you're going to be unhappy for your whole life and she bullied me into it so I'm very grateful and she didn't realize as a comedian you're unhappy your whole life too but you just make money being unhappy well that's better than being unhappy and broke thank you Mickey tickets for the Nikki Glazer alive and onwell tour are available at Nikki Glazer docomo [Applause]